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Mermaid Man
From SpongePedia, the First SpongeBob Wiki.
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| Mermaid Man
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| Gender: |
Male
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| Species: |
Merman
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| Color: |
Orange
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| Eye Color: |
Black
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| Birthday: |
57 Years plus (between 20 and 30 years)
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| Height: |
Unknown
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| Weight: |
Very Fat when retired
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| Job: |
The Champion Superhero of the Undersea Deep!
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| Interests: |
Crime Fighting, watching television
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| Family: |
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| Descendants: |
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| Friends: |
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| Employer(s) |
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| First Appearence: |
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| Portrayer: |
- Ernest Borgnine (series)
- Joe Whyte (video games: Employee of the Month and Battle for Bikini Bottom)
- Joe Alaskey (video games: Lights, Camera, Pants and Creature from the Krusty Krab)
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Mama Krabs (Mr. Krab's mom) was taking a walk in the park. Suddenly something caught her eye, it was Mermaid Man. "Oh my, who is that sexy man?" Mama Krabs said to herself.
"Hey Mermaid Man, it's that lady again," Barnacle Boy said as he walked towards Mermaid Man.
"What lady?" Mermaid Man asked.
"It's that lady who humiliated my on live television 5 years ago," Barnacle Boy said. "Remember, we won the oscar award for our show, you just got yours, and when I was about to get mine, she jumped on stage and shoved her claws down my pants because she was looking for money, and then she pinched my fucking dick and my dick fell off, and then she stole my oscar and ran off with it to sell it. And it was all on fucking live television! Now I don't want to do anything that concerns that bitch."
"And your point is?" Mermaid Man asked.
"Fuck you, I'm going back to the rest home, it's porno hour and it makes me feel young, and horny," Barnacle Boy said as he walked away.
Then Mama Krabs walked up to Mermaid Man and said, "Hey sexy, I couldn't help but notice how fucking hot you are you fucking old prick. Why don't we have dinner some time."
"But I always eat dinner," Mermaid Man said.
"No, I mean like on a date," Mama Krabs said.
"Yeah, everyday is a date, today's the 14th or something," Mermaid Man said.
"Oh whatever, why don't you pick me up tonight, here's my address," Mama Krabs said as she handed a piece of paper to Mermaid Man. Then she walked away.
"What the fuck just happened?" Mermaid Man said to himself.
Later That Evening
Mama Krabs heard the doorbell so she grabbed her purse and ran to the door. "Why hello, there, Mermaid Man, are you ready for our date?" She asked.
"I'm not sure if Barnacle Boy would approve of this date, but fuck him, let's go hot mama," Mermaid Man said. They then jumped into the invisible boat mobile and Mermaid Man drove them to a fancy restaurant.
A few Moments Later
Mermaid Man was shoving food in his face like a fucking wild animal. "So Mermaid Man, tell me about yourself," Mama Krabs asked. "Oh wait, I already know everything about you, and your money."
"What did you say?" Mermaid Man asked.
"I said I know everything about you, honey," Mama Krabs replied.
"Oh, well then, I'm stuffed, I've gotta go home and take a shit," Mermaid Man said as he stood up off of his chair.
"Wait, do you want to come over to my house for desert or...something?" Mama Krabs asked.
A Little While Later
"Hey Mermaid Man, how do you like this?" Mama Krabs asked as she took off her clothes, now only in her grammy panties and her ugly bra, revealing her old, ugly, hairy, saggy breasts.
"How about this?" Mermaid Man said as he ripped his clothes off, now only wearing a thong with giant, curly, white hairs sticking out.
"Oh yeah, are you ready to fuck?" Mama Krabs asked.
"Fuck yeah! I just took 12 bottles of viagra, and now my erectyle dysfunction is cured!" Mermaid Man said excitedly. Suddnely the conch signal went off. "Oh shit! There's danger, I must save the day!" Mermaid man threw his clothes on and flew out of the window and met Barnacle Boy at the Shady Shoals Rest Home.
"Where have you been Mermaid Man?" Barnacle Boy asked.
"I was, uh, sleeping on the park bench," Mermaid Man lied. "Now we must save the day!" The two super heroes flew to the rescue to find Patrick naked in front of his house.
"Help! My fucking dick is stuck in a god damn fucking bear trap!" Patrick shrieked in pain. Blood was gushing out of his pink penis and a puddle of blood was under it.
"What? How the fuck did that happen?" Barnacle Boy asked.
"I was trying to fuck it, but then it bit me! I'm not sure if it was foreplay or if it just wasn't ready for sex," Patrick said as he grabbed his cock in pain.
"God damn it, here you go you fucking wierd ass," Barnacle Boy said as he pulled the bear trap open. "There, now I hope you've learned your lesson!"
"Yes, never..." Mermaid Man said until suddnely Patrick's cock fell off.
"Holy shit!" Patrick screamed as blood shot out of his dick and sprayed his entire rock house. "AAAAHHH!! Oh fuck! Oh shit! Oh god! IT FUCKING HURTS LIKE A FUCKING BITCH!" Patrick screamed as he started running around screaming.
"Wait, kid, stop, there's more of them," Mermaid Man said as he looked around. Bear traps were everywhere. Suddenly Patrick stepped on a bear trap and it snapped on him so fast the entire bottom half of his body got sliced off. Then Patrick's head landed on a bear trap, and it decapitated him. Blood sprayed everywhere, and finally Patrick died.
"Oh shit! What do we do?" Barnacle Boy screamed.
"There's only one thing to do," Mermaid Man said. He then opened up the bear trap with Patrick's bottom half in it, and then Mermaid Man took off Patrick's pants and started having butt sex with it.
"Mermaid Man, quit fucking that thing, we need to burry it before anyone finds out," Barnacle Boy said.
Two Minutes Later
Barnacle Boy was standing in front of a giant mound of dirt with a shovel in his hand, and the top of Patrick's cone-head was sticking out at the top, and his dick was sticking out at the side of the mound.
"Alright Mermaid Man, we sure took care of that, didn't we?" Barnacle Boy asked. Mermaid Man was gone. "Mermaid Man?"
Meanwhile, at Mama Krab's House
"Alright honey, I'm back," Mermaid Man said as he flew back into Mama Krab's room.
"Well finally, now we can start fucking, bitch," Mama Krabs said.
Mermaid Man ripped off his clothes again, and so did Mama Krabs. Then they crawled under the covers and Mermaid Man slid his cock up Mama Krabs' old, shriveled up pussy.
"Oh Mermaid Man!" Mama Krabs screamed in joy while Mermaid Man thrust his dick up her cunt harder and harder. Suddenly the conch signal went off.
"Sorry babe, but I must save the day!" Mermaid Man said as he jumped out of the bed and threw his clothes on. He then flew out the window and met up with Barnacle Boy.
"HELP! HELP!" SpongeBob screamed.
"What's the problem boy?" Mermaid Man asked when they arrived in SpongeBob's room.
"My dick is stuck in Sandy's pussy!" SpongeBob said. He was completely naked, and so was Sandy. Mermaid Man looked at his watch. It was getting late, 11:24 PM.
"Oh shitting fuck, I've got to think of a way to fix this fast so I can continue to fuck Mama Krabs," Mermaid Man quietly said to himself. Barnacle Boy was trying to pull SpongeBob and Sandy apart.
"Hey, I've got an idea!" Mermaid Man said.
A Few Moments Later
Barnacle Boy was sitting in a truck ready to drive it, and Mermaid Man was in a different truck. Sandy was tied to the truck Barnacle Boy was driving, and SpongeBob was tied to the truck Mermaid Man was driving. Barnacle Boy and Mermaid Man both stepped on the brakes at the same time and suddenly SpongeBob's dick ripped off, and both of the truck zoomed off.
"OH SHIT!" Mermaid Man screamed while his car zoomed off. He was too old to remember how to hit the brakes, so there was nothing he could do. Larry the Lobster was jogging down the street until Barnacle Boy accidentally ran him over. Then Barnacle Boy crashed into Mr. Krab's house.
"Yeah I know, like Brad is like so fucking hot, like totally, like oh my god, I know..." Pearl was talking to her friend on the phone when suddenly Barnacle Boy smashed into her. Blood shot and splattered everywhere.
"Hit the brakes dumb ass!" Sandy screamed. She was still tied to the truck. SpongeBob's severed dick was still stuck in Sandy's pussy.
Mr. Krabs was in the bathroom bathing in his money. "Ah, sweet, sweet money. I love money, in fact, I'd rather die than give up all my money," Mr. Krabs said to himself. Suddnely Barnacle Boy smashed into the bathroom and smashed into Mr. Krabs, and blood and organs shot and splattered everwhere. Mr. Krab's intestines ended up wrapping around Sandy's neck, and it was strangling her. Then Mr. Krab's heart flew into her mouth and got stuck, and Sandy finally choked and died.
"HOLY FUCK!" Mermaid Man screamed while his car spun out of control. (He was also too old to now how to hit the brakes). SpongeBob was still tied to the truck and blood was shooting out of the little stump that was now his dick.
"Help! Help! You fucking cunt! HELP!" SpongeBob screamed.
"Shut up, boy, I'm driving!" Mermaid Man said. Suddenly Mermaid Man crashed into Squidward's house. Mermaid Man then crashed into Squidward's house. Squidward was brushing his teeth when suddenly Mermaid Man smashed into him. Squidward fell over, but when he got up, his toothbrush was impaled through his neck and blood was gushing out. Squidward gagged while trying to take the toothbrush out of his neck, but then he coughed up blood, and blood started dripping from his eyes and mouth, and he then fell down and cholked to death. Mermaid Man then smashed into a hair salon. Mrs. Puff was sitting in a swivel chair while a woman was combing her hair. Then Mermaid Man drove right through them and the truck bumped into the chair. Suddenly Mrs. Puff's chair started spinning around so fast that she shot out of the window.
"AAAHHH!! I'M GONNA FUCKING DIE!!" Mrs. Puff screamed. "Wait, since when was that a bad thing?" Suddenly Mrs. Puff flew into a working wood chipper and gets shredded up while blood and shredded up organs and bones shot out of it.
Then Mermaid Man smashed into Scooter, who was standing at a bus stop. Scooter when flying back and landed on the windshield. "Whoa dude, that is so not cool, dude," Scooter said.
"Get off the fucking windshield!" Mermaid Man said and then he turned on the windshield whipers.
"Oh shit!" Scooter said, and then the windshield wipes shot up and sliced off his arms and legs, then they came back down and sliced him into little pieces, until the entire windshield was covered in blood and organs. Now Mermaid Man couldn't even see where he was going.
"NO! What have I done! If I didn't listen to that stupid conch signal, I would have been fucking that woman right now!" Mermaid Man said to himself. Then Mermaid Man smashed into a limo, and Squillam Fancyson was in the limo.(Squillam is Squidward's rich rival)
"Ah, it's great to be rich, unlike that fucking prick, Squidward, I can't believe..." Squillam said. But then the limo exploded and so did the truck. Mermaid Man shot into the air, and what was left of the truck flew into the air and smashed into Barnacle Boy's truck. Barnacle boy then smashed into another car and both cars exploded. Then a huge car crash erupted and thirty cars were destroyed, killing 38 people. The entire street was covered in blood, and all of the destroyed cars, and all of the dead bodies were on top of a giant puddle of blood. Barnacle Boy then got shot into the air. He then smashed into a blimb and the blimp exploded, and then Barnacle Boy smashed into the ground and blood shot all over the place.
"I can't belive that all these people died!" Mermaid Man said. "It was all my fault, just so I could fuck that stupid woman. But I still love her, I must forget about this and go to her."
"Hey Mermaid Man," Mama Krabs said as she walked towards Mermaid Man.
"Oh honey, I don't care that I killed all these people, I love you," Mermaid Man said.
"Well I'm breaking up with you," Mama Krabs said. "All I cared about was getting a free dinner, free gifts, and stealing your money! You see, every time you took your clothes off, I'd quickly reach into your pocket and steal your money, and each time you tried to save someone, a sneaked off to your rest home and quickly stole even more of your money, and I stole stuff from you that I could sell for sweet money!" Mama Krabs then laughed her old lady sailor's laugh.
"You tricked me this whole time?" Mermaid Man said. "I caused all of these people to die, just to be with you, and you didn't even love me?"
"Well yeah, why the fuck would I fucking want to date you," Mama Krabs said. "You're like two hundred years old, your an old, ugly, shriveled up prune, and you call yourself a super hero, and you just killed like 40 people. I wouldn't have sex with you if you were the last person to fuck on earth."
"My beloved sidekick is dead, and, NO ONE DOUBLE CROSSES ME YOU FUCKING CUNT!" Mermaid Man screamed in anger. Memaid Man then picked up Mama Krabs and threw her in the air, and then he zapped her with his heat vision and she blew up. Her guts and organs and blood splattered all over the floor. "Yeah! I win! Fuck you bitch!" Mermaid Man said. But then the police came and arrested him. And then he got ass raped in his jail cell by a creepy old guy.
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