Episode Transcript: Face Freeze!

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[episode begins at Krusty Krab]

Patrick: Thanks for having lunch with me, SpongeBob.

SpongeBob: Anything for my bestest buddy. There's no better way I could've spent my lunch break. [slurps his drink and makes a relaxed face] Ahh.

Patrick: That's a pretty cool face. [chuckles] Check you this one out. [chomps, chews]

SpongeBob: [laughs] I love it. What do you think of this? Awoo! [laughs]

Patrick: Oh, hey, how about this? [dolphin call]

SpongeBob: That's awesome! [SpongeBob and Patrick both laugh]

Mr. Krabs: [snores] Ooh. I know that sound. It's the sound of me money being flushed down the toilet! [SpongeBob and Patrick laughs] SpongeBob! Why aren't you manning the fryer?

SpongeBob: Sorry, sir. I got carried away. Patrick and I were making faces at each other.

Patrick: Funny faces make me laugh! [laughs]

Mr. Krabs: What?! Are you out of your liquid-absorbing mind?

SpongeBob: Why, is there something wrong?

Mr. Krabs: Haven't ye ever heard the saying "If you don't stop making that face, it'll freeze that way"?

SpongeBob and Patrick: Uh, no!

Mr. Krabs: Let me tell you the story of... Face Freeze! [thunder claps, SpongeBob and Patrick's tooth chattering, breathing quickly] It were a cold day, in November, and in Bikini Bottom lived a man who loved to make faces. And the one he liked best was to stick his tongue out. [Fred raspberries and laughs] But what he really liked, was sticking his tongue at people. [Fred raspberries and laughs, Norma and green Monroe gasp]

Norma Rechid: How rude! [Monroe cries]

[Fred raspberries]

Mr. Krabs: Until one day, when he stuck his tongue out for the 444th time, [Fred raspberries] his face froze with his tongue sticking out...

Fred: Huh, huh... Huh?

Mr. Krabs: ...permanently!

Mable: Weirdo.

Fred: [muffled] No... no!

Mr. Krabs: He couldn't open his mouth for months. Until one day, his tongue dried up and fell off!

SpongeBob and Patrick: Oh, no!

Mr. Krabs: So are you gonna keep making faces, boys?

SpongeBob and Patrick: Mm-mm.

Mr. Krabs: Good. I hope you've learned your lesson.

SpongeBob: I'm glad Mr. Krabs caught us before it was too late. Let's agree never to make faces again.

Patrick: Done and done.

SpongeBob: Patrick! Don't even smile. That's considered making a face.

Patrick: Right, gotcha. No problem. Not gonna make faces. No faces... at all.

SpongeBob: Yeah. This is... [gulps] easy. How you holding up?

Patrick: Huh, fine. You?

[SpongeBob grunts, but makes an T-shaped face and laughs]

Patrick: [laughs] Dun ah eeh.

[SpongeBob and Patrick are both laughing, until SpongeBob stops and looks at his himself]

SpongeBob: Hey! [Patrick is still ignoring him while laughing] Patrick. [pulls out a megaphone] Patrick!

Patrick: What?

SpongeBob: Look at us. We're okay. Our faces didn't freeze.

[Patrick stretching]

Patrick: Gosh, you're right.

SpongeBob: Guess, Mr. Krabs made a mistake. Well, now that we know his tall tale isn't true, let's make lots of faces.

Patrick: You mean like this? [stretching] Ree eeh eeh!

[SpongeBob and Patrick laughing both, SpongeBob growls]

Patrick: [laughs] Aye yi yi yi!

SpongeBob: [laughs] Aw!

[montage of SpongeBob and Patrick making grotesque faces]

Patrick: Phee!

SpongeBob: Ay yi yi yi yi yi!

Patrick: Dun ree ah yee!

SpongeBob: Doy doy doy doy!

Patrick: Ah ah ooh!

SpongeBob: Duh!

Patrick: Aydh!

SpongeBob: Awoot duh doo!

Patrick: Looo ooo ooo!

SpongeBob: Day ah dah da dah!

[SpongeBob and Patrick laughing both]

SpongeBob: I can't breathe! [SpongeBob grabs a mirror and they look into it] Well, still no frozen faces. Let's really put this myth to the test. Let's see what happens when me hold one face for a long time.

Patrick: Yes! But, how to choose just one? Um, well, let's see. Oh, oh... How about an eye cross, [Makes his eyes go up to the top of his head] uh? And then slip into an overbite. [Pulling out upper jaw] And the finishing touch. Gah lowh.

SpongeBob: [chuckles] Delightfully wicked, my friend. I call this one... [He pushed his nose, makes his mouth bigger and puts out his eyeballs on the top of his head] The Gary. Meow!

Patrick: [chuckles] Gloriously disgusting, sir.

SpongeBob: Let's not keep these grotesque faces to ourselves. Let us share them with the whole wide sea. [SpongeBob and Patrick laughing both]

[scene cuts]

[SpongeBob and Patrick laughing]

[SpongeBob and Patrick come out of the ocean]

[Everybody swims away screaming]

Sandy: [paddling up on a surfboard] You two need help.

[SpongeBob and Patrick laughing again]

[scene bubble transitions into night]

Patrick: Hey, SpongeBob!

[Patrick turns on the flashlight.]

[SpongeBob and Patrick laughing]

[Patrick turns off flashlight]

Patrick: Hey, SpongeBob!

[Patrick turns on flashlight]

[SpongeBob and Patrick laughing]

[Patrick turns off flashlight]

Patrick: Hey, SpongeBob!

[Patrick turns on flashlight]

[SpongeBob and Patrick laughing]

SpongeBob: It never gets so old!

[Patrick turns off flashlight]

[Squidward rips the tent]

Squidward: Do you mind?!

SpongeBob: Mind what? Making faces? Of course were don't.

[SpongeBob and Patrick laughing]

Patrick: You got that right, pal! What a silly question.

SpongeBob: Your turn, Squidward, let's see your crazy face.

Squidward: I don't wanna make faces. I want to sleep! D-de-de-de-Da!

SpongeBob: That's a good one right there.

[SpongeBob and Patrick laugh.]

Patrick: Oh, good one, Squidward!

Squidward: Let's try a new game. Let's combine whatever you get out of whatever this is you're doing with the quiet of sleep!

SpongeBob: Interesting challenge, but let's raise the stakes even higher. Patrick, I'll bet you can't keep that face all night, while you sleep!

Patrick: Oh yeah? Watch me.

[They both sleep]

Squidward: Whatever works.

[Later, the sun rises]

SpongeBob: [Surprised] Wow, Patrick, you did hold that face all night!

Patrick: Actually, I can't move my face at all. [He feels on his face]

SpongeBob: I can't move my face either!

Patrick: [oblivious and excited] All right! We did it!

SpongeBob: No, Patrick! It's not all right, this means Mr. Krabs was right! [Patrick then realizes the situation and gets scared.] Patrick, we have the face freeze!

[Both scream]

SpongeBob: Patrick, Sandy was right, we need help!

SpongeBob and Patrick: Sandy! Sandy!

[Later at Sandy's treedome]

Sandy: Hmm, this may get tricky. Y'all need to relax them facial muscles, what y'all need is a massage.

SpongeBob: And you're a licensed masseuse, right, Sandy?

Sandy: Well, I shouldn't say licensed. Just sit back, relax, and let my gentle mammalian hands melt away that tension. [shows Sandy's hands looking creepy] You seem to be carrying a lot of stress in your eyeballs. Them shoulders look way outta line. I can feel them knots just meltin' away. Let's see if I can just finesse that jaw line back in place. [Later, Sandy is done] Phew! Okay, you two. Bad news first. That wicked face freeze ain't going nowhere. But, y'all are looking much more relaxed.

[showing that SpongeBob's and Patrick's faces are more deformed]

Mr. Krabs: [At the Krusty Krab] Ahoy, SpongeBob!

SpongeBob: Hello, Mr. Krabs. [SpongeBob walks with his back towards him to the kitchen and Mr. Krabs goes in as well]

Mr. Krabs: Hey, you all right, boy? Eh, look a little cattywampus walking in here.

SpongeBob: Doing fine, Mr. Krabs. Just grillin' and grillin'...

Mr. Krabs: Ahem. Uh, but what's with the skewed posture?

[He touches SpongeBob's head and SpongeBob knocks his claw away]

SpongeBob: Oh, did you hear that? Someone somewhere just dropped a penny.

Mr. Krabs: [Gasps] Penny? Where?! Where?! [Looks for a penny]

SpongeBob: That'll buy me some time.

Squidward: Let's go, SpongeBob, the orders are piling up.

SpongeBob: I'm on it, Squidward! [starts slicing an onion, but onion juice gets in his eyes] Onion juice! Ah!

Squidward: Come on, SpongeBob! Chop, chop!

SpongeBob: Okay, okay. [Falls, retrieves patties on back] Ow! Phew. Order up.

Squidward: You deliver it, I'm on break.

Mr. Krabs: Penny, penny, penny, penny, penny, penny, penny, penny. [sniffs] Penny, penny, penny, penny, penny...

SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs is still distracted. Now's my chance. [passes Krabs]

Mr. Krabs: [sniffs] Penny, penny, penny, penny, penny, penny...

SpongeBob: Your order is served, sir.

Harold: [Gasps when he sees that SpongeBob's lips are drooling on the patties] I'm sorry, I did not order a side of lips with my patty!

SpongeBob: Oh, dear.

Harold: [Takes money out of register] I'm taking my clams elsewhere.

[As SpongeBob tiptoes behind Mr. Krabs on the way back to the kitchen, Krabs takes notice of Harold leaving and chases him to the door]

Mr. Krabs: Wait, come back!

SpongeBob: Why, oh, why, why did I have to make a face? [whimpers]

Mr. Krabs: What's going on back here? Why are we losing business?

SpongeBob: Um, how should I know? I'm just the cook in these parts.

Mr. Krabs: Face me when I'm talking to you, boy-o. [SpongeBob turns around with his face down] So I can see your face.

SpongeBob: Hey, have you seen this, Mr. Krabs? [shows him a rolling trick] My impersonation of a burrito!

Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, you better stand up this instant or... huh? [Sees Patrick walk in with face freeze]

Patrick: [Sees Mr. Krabs and gets worried] Oh. Is this a bad time, SpongeBob?

Mr. Krabs: Oh, I see what's going on here. [Picks up SpongeBob and turns to see his frozen face.] Aha! You just had to keep making faces, didn't ya? You couldn't heed me warning, could ya?

SpongeBob: [Guilty] I'm sorry, Mr. Krabs. We thought it was just one of your stories.

Mr. Krabs: I'm losing business because you thought I was telling one of me stories?! Why, this makes me so angry! I could just... just... just... ah! [Mr. Krabs' anger gives himself the face freeze] No! I can't move me face. I've got the face freeze, too!

Squidward: What is the hold up in here—?

SpongeBob: Wait, Squidward, don't get worked up! you could get the face freeze!

Squidward: Face freeze? I thought that was a myth? Ha! Krabs too! [begins laughing hard] This is rich! Ha ha ha! Oh. [sees Patrick, begins laughing very hard and he too gets face freeze] Hey, my face! Ah, my face. Oh, great, look at what you've done. [begins crying]

Mr. Krabs: Look! Squidward has it, too!

[All three begin laughing while Squidward keeps crying]

Squidward: Hey, it's not funny! Stop laughing!