Episode Transcript: InSPONGEiac

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Episode Article: InSPONGEiac

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(episode begins at the Krusty Krab)

SpongeBob: (singing) Mop, mop, mop, mop, mopping, mopping, mopping, mopping, mopping mopping!

Squidward: SpongeBob! (Frank comes in and brings him a dollar) Why don't you mop your way over the kitchen? (points at Frank) We need another Krabby Patty.

SpongeBob: Sure thing. (walks into the kitchen to make a Krabby Patty. Puts a patty in a half made Krabby Patty and he puts too much mustard on it. Mr. Krabs opens the hot shelter and smells that he put on too much mustard)

Mr. Krabs: What's that?

SpongeBob: (puts on the last bun) Perfection. (Mr. Krabs walks to see SpongeBob)

Mr. Krabs: I don't think so. (grabs the Krabby Patty and sees too much mustard. Gets angry at SpongeBob) You used too much mustard!

SpongeBob: But, Mr. Krabs, I--

Mr. Krabs: You obviously you didn't use your hydraulic mustard gauge. (uses a spoon and scoops some mustard. The spoon reads 101%. Gasps in shock) You think mustard grows from seeds? (throws the spoon and Krabby Patty away) Oh, at this rate, I'll be broke in... (types the list) ...411 years!

SpongeBob: Really?

Mr. Krabs: Your skills are rusty, you're not your usual sharp self! Did you have breakfast this morning?

SpongeBob: Yes, I had a cup of sea kelp and a neptune muffin.

Mr. Krabs: Hmm... well, what about sleep, young man? Did you get enough sleep?

SpongeBob: I did go to bed 2 minutes later than usual.

Mr. Krabs: (looks at SpongeBob) That's it! (pokes SpongeBob's body) You're an insomniac!

SpongeBob: An insomni-wha?

Mr. Krabs: You're a person who can't sleep! And if you can't get enough sleep, your mind starts to go! (SpongeBob gasps in surprise) Here. (gives SpongeBob the spatula and pushes him to the grill) Come on, now, cook! (SpongeBob starts to flip patties. He pauses and glances at Mr. Krabs before flipping the patty. Stops him) Ha! Ha ha! I knew it! You lifted a patty from one side, instead of straight up! What are you trying to do, sabotage me?! (takes the spatula and shoves him outside) Now you go home and get some rest!

SpongeBob: Oh, but sir, I can't miss work at the Krusty Krab.

Mr. Krabs: Miss work? If you keep making mistakes like that, boy-o, there will be no Krusty Krab!

SpongeBob: No Krusty Krab?

Mr. Krabs: That's right! (points at the road) Now, get!

SpongeBob: (walks down the road) Yes, sir.

Mr. Krabs: Come back tomorrow after a good night's sleep! (bubble-wipe to SpongeBob's house)

SpongeBob: I just don't get it Gary, I don't usually have a problem sleeping, do I? (Gary chews his snail food) Well, I am not going to allow a mistake like today's to happen again. I am going straight to bed! (bubble-wipe to SpongeBob's bedroom. His pillow is too hard) This pillow is hard as a rock! What to do?

Gary: Meow meow meow meow.

SpongeBob: You're right, Gary! Warm milk puts me right to sleep! Now, that should do the trick! (drinks milk and goes back to bed. The milk pours out of SpongeBob's holes. Cut to later that night) Boy, it sure is quiet around here. Only 5 hours until I go to work. C'mon SpongeBob, you can do this. 4 hours, 59 minutes, 50 seconds. 4 hours, 59 minutes, 45 seconds. 4 hours, 59 minutes, 41 seconds! (throws the clock away) What if I don't get to sleep at all? (thinking) Ohhh, Mr. Krabs was right! (cut to SpongeBob's eyes) I am an insomniac. What am I gonna do? (speaking) I need some help. (runs to Patrick's house) Patrick, Patrick, wake up. (pulls Patrick up)

Patrick: Uh-huh. (SpongeBob is speaking gibberish. He fades away and is replaced by a spongecake) Mmmm, spongecake. (chews on SpongeBob's hand)

SpongeBob: Oh, yuck! Never mind that, Patrick! (pulls his hand away) I need your help! Desperately! I'm a insomniac! I need to sleep!

Patrick: Say no more buddy, I know just the thing! (walks to a wall of sand. Takes a deep breath, blows off the sand, and grabs a book that was revealed) Get comfy!

SpongeBob: Oh boy! A bedtime story! (pulls up the sand into a pillow and lays down)

Patrick: Okay. Once upon a time, there was a sleepy little boy.

SpongeBob: Ah, yay!

Patrick: The sleepy boy was the sleepiest boy in all the kingdom!

SpongeBob: Mmm, sounds like me.

Patrick: One night, he nestled into bed for a long slumber.

SpongeBob: Slumber!

Patrick: And Sir Sea Sal, the sea sleep king, sprinkled him with mystical sleepy dust.

SpongeBob: Aw, thank you Sir Sea Sal.

Patrick: He couldn't have been cozier... When, without warning, an excitable sea troll burst through the window. "Wakey wakey sleepy doo!" he bellowed. Then suddenly, he was whisked away by eagle-winged mollusks into the night sky!

SpongeBob: (wakes up) Patrick, what are you doing? And what kind of a bedtime story was that, anyway?

Patrick: (holds up the book. It has a picture of a excited fish with "The Land of Perpetual Excitement" above it) It's called The Land of Perpetual Excitement. You know, it's a "get-out-of-bed" story!

SpongeBob: Patrick, I'm trying to go to sleep.

Patrick: Oh. (throws the book on SpongeBob's nose) Right. Oh, I know! I'll sing you a lullaby from my childhood! (begins singing and dancing)

Music: Get Up, Be Active

Get up, be active,
Get up, be active, 
Get up, be active, 
Get up, be active!

Get up, be active! 
Get up, be active!

Get up, don't lie down! 
Get up, don't lie down! 
Get up, don't lie down!

SpongeBob: Um, Patrick, that's...

Patrick: Get up, don't lie down! 
Get up, don't lie down!

Get up, be active! 
Get up, be active!

SpongeBob: Patrick, this isn't...

Patrick: Get up, be active! 
Get up, be active!

Get up, don't lie down! 
Get up, don't lie down!

SpongeBob: That's a catchy bit...

Patrick: Get up, don't lie down! 
Get up, don't lie down!

SpongeBob: That's an excellent number, but...

Patrick: Get up, don't lie down! 
Get up, don't lie down! 
Get up, don't lie down! 
Get up, don't lie down!

SpongeBob: (yelling) Patrick! This isn't helping either!

Patrick: Well, what-what abou-- well, I don't know what you want from me. It's not like I have a magic wand to wave. (gets magic tools) Or do I...

SpongeBob: Oh, barnacles.

Patrick: Hocus, pocus!

SpongeBob: Patrick, get serious please!

Patrick: Abra zeptabra!

SpongeBob: I really appreciate your efforts, but I gotta try something else, buddy. 'Kay?

Patrick: SpongeBob, I see you're serious about this now. I didn't want to do this, but I'm gonna let you in on a little family secret. Old grandma suffered from severe toe barnacles.

SpongeBob: Blech!

Patrick: (makes something) And she invented the secret elixir for just such an emergency. (gives SpongeBob a cup) Drink up.

SpongeBob: Okay... Patrick, How is this gonna--

Patrick: Drink it! (SpongeBob does so)

SpongeBob: Hey, that wasn't too bad. What was it?

Patrick: Coffee.

SpongeBob: C-c-c-c-c-coffee? Oh, for the last time, Patrick, I'm trying to go to sleep!

Patrick: Oops...

SpongeBob: Uh-oh... feeling jittery, heart p-p-pounding, teeth grinding... (legs start to run by themselves) Uh-oh. (starts to fly around and then breaks Patrick's rock) N-no! No stop! We gotta get to sleep. Well, I guess I'll just have to let my legs tire out and catch up with my weary brain. (a sea troll is jumping)

Sea Troll: Wakey wakey sleepy doo!

SpongeBob: (stops near the sea troll and screams) Sea troll! Huh? (cut to reveal it's a shrub) Just a shrub. Keep going till you crash, SpongeBob. (suddenly stops again. On a billboard, a glass of milk is talking to SpongeBob)

Warm Milk: SpongeBob, why did you drink me?

SpongeBob: I'm sorry, Mr. warm milk, you just tasted so good. (shakes head. Cut to the billboard, which is now a regular one) Shoo! That billboard is definitely not talking to you. (camera zooms in on the billboard. The milk starts talking once more)

Warm Milk: Why, SpongeBob, why? (cut to SpongeBob still running until mustard splatters near him)

Mustard Krabs: Stop wasting all me mustard, boy-o! (SpongeBob notices a giant Mr. Krabs with mustard dispensers for eye stalks and runs) Me profits! Me profits! (the mustard gets in SpongeBob's way and he backs up and knocks over mustard barrels. SpongeBob runs as the mustard barrels fall on him and splash across the screen. It clears up to reveal SpongeBob now in a strange mustard land on some barrels. 8 Squidwards burst out of the barrels and laugh simultaneously)

Squidward: Mr. Krabs is going to be upset! (all Squidwards laugh and push SpongeBob into the lake of mustard. A strange-looking eagle-like creature [similar to Gary], making seagull noises, takes SpongeBob and takes him to a pink mountain, which is actually a giant Patrick)

Patrick: Sponge cake! (sticks his tongue out and the flying creature drops SpongeBob on the tongue, which rolls back into Patrick, who shallows SpongeBob. Inside Patrick's stomach, a screaming SpongeBob falls and breaks a bed when he lands)

SpongeBob: What's this? Another vision? (sees what looks like the sun starting to rise) Oh why, why? Please, please, please let me sleep for just five minutes!

Sir Sea Sal: Do not despair, my child.

SpongeBob: Sir Sea Sal, the sea sleep king?!

Sir Sea Sal: Just close your eyes and slumber. (grabs some sand) With some magic dust! (throws the sand on SpongeBob, who falls asleep)

SpongeBob: Hmm.. it's getting all sleepish around here. (fade back into reality) Oh, thank you Sir Sea Sal. Hmm? Hey, looks like I finally got some shut-eye. Now to prepare for work. (puts his Krusty Krab hat in a hole) Good night. (walks out of his house and to the Krusty Krab) Bye, Gary. (cut to Mr. Krabs)

Mr. Krabs: Boy-o...? (snaps his claw. SpongeBob wakes up)

SpongeBob: Hu-ee?

Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob!

SpongeBob: Huh? Y-Yes... SpongeBob reporting for sleepy and tired.

Mr. Krabs: Ew! You're stinking like Davy Jones' locker! You sure you didn't forget something, boy?

SpongeBob: Forget...? Oh, right, right, Mr. Krabs. How could I be so forgetful?

Mr. Krabs: Heh, that's my boy. (notices SpongeBob doing something offscreen) What the barnacles?! (SpongeBob washes his hands with the mustard dispenser)

SpongeBob: Employees must wash their hands before cooking. (smears mustard on his face) Oh, that's nice...

Mr. Krabs: That ain't the sink, kiddo! (SpongeBob gets into the mustard barrel)

SpongeBob: I know, I know, I just need a quiet place... to nap. (sinks into the mustard)

Mr. Krabs: Me mustard! (pulls SpongeBob out of the barrel) You didn't heed my words, did ya? You couldn't be bothered to get some shut eye, could ya?

SpongeBob: I'm sorry, Mr. Krabs! I tried, I really tried! But my insomnia got the best of me! (starts to cry orange-yellow tears)

Mr. Krabs: Now he's crying away me mustard. That's enough, boy! Me profits! (SpongeBob's tears land on some Krabby Patties. Notices this in surprise) Huh? You're crying the perfect amount! Hold it, boy-o, you're a natural born mustard dispenser!

SpongeBob: Is that a good thing?

Mr. Krabs: Dow, uh, nuh, oh no, no boy. It's-- It's terrible. (SpongeBob cries again) Just terrible! (cut to Squidward, who is watching from the order window)

Squidward: Best day at work ever!

Transcripts	Episodes
Season 1	Season 1
Season 2	Season 2
Season 3	Season 3
Season 4	Season 4
Season 5	Season 5
Season 6	Season 6
Season 7	Season 7
Season 8	Season 8
Season 9	Season 9
Season 10	Season 10
Season 11	Season 11
Season 12	Season 12
Season 13	Season 13
Season 14	Season 14
Season 15	Season 15