Episode Transcript: Restraining SpongeBob

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Episode Article: Restraining SpongeBob

Characters

Dialogue

(Squidward is lying in bed, asleep and he wakes up to a loud noise)

Squidward: What the...? (We see SpongeBob outside grinding his spatula on a rotating wheel and Squidward opens the window) SpongeBob, do you mind?!?! (Breaks the window off its hinges and throws it at SpongeBob. The window hits the rotating wheel instead and it bounces off and hits Squidward in the face. From the impact, he loses his balance and falls out the window, he then bounces on his head and then bounces off of SpongeBob's pineapple, his tentacles land over SpongeBob's eyes, causing SpongeBob to finally notice Squidward)

SpongeBob: Oh! Hey, Squidward. Whatcha doin'?

Squidward: (Gets back up) What am I doing?! What are you doing?!?!

SpongeBob: I am sharpening my trusty spatula. Speaking of which, are you gonna stick around for morning fry-cook calisthenics?

Squidward: Cala-what?

(SpongeBob then proceeds in a series of rather ridiculous stretches as Squidward walks back to his house to lock the door, Squidward then starts walking to work)

SpongeBob: (Catches up with Squidward) Walking to work, huh, Squidward?

Squidward: (Irritated) Go away.

SpongeBob: Can I walk with you?

Squidward: No.

SpongeBob: Please?

Squidward: No. (The last two lines are repeated several times as they both walk, Squidward finally gets fed up with SpongeBob's repetitious begging as they enter the Krusty Krab) I said NO! I will not walk to work with yo--! (Notices he is in the Krusty Krab)

SpongeBob: Okay. Maybe tomorrow, then!

(Scene fades out, the next scene shows Squidward at the register with a customer)

Customer: I'll have 2 Krabby Patties.

Squidward: Okay. And would you like cheese on--(Stops at a noise that sounds like someone breaking wind)

Customer: (Sounding disgusted) Do you...need a break or something?

Squidward: (Nervously) Huh? Oh, no! No-ho, that was not me, I swear. (The same sound repeats, the customer walks away with Squidward stuttering and begging nervously, Squidward walks into the kitchen where SpongeBob is unsuccessfully attempting to squeeze mustard onto a Krabby Patty) SpongeBob! (Snatches the mustard bottle from SpongeBob and opens it) It's empty! (Shoves the mustard bottle into SpongeBob's eye) See? Empty!

SpongeBob: (Amazed) Wow, Squidward! How'd you know that? (Squidward takes the mustard bottle out of SpongeBob's eye)

Squidward: Well, let's see. Maybe 'cause I have a brain? (While saying this, he leans on the grill)

SpongeBob: Ohh! Squidward? Uh, the grill is on.

Squidward: Oh, really? And do you think that I don't know that this grill is--? (He screams at the sight of his hand burning on the grill and then he then runs around SpongeBob)

SpongeBob: I gotta do something. (He removes the mop and then takes the bucket of water, Squidward runs to the right] Okay, Squidward, this should help. (SpongeBob turns the bucket sideways and is ready pour it on Squidward but accidentally spills the water, Squidward slips on the puddle of water and is flying in mid-air) Don't worry, Squidward, I'll catch you. (Gets out his jellyfishing net and holds it up to catch Squidward, but Squidward goes in the net and hits the wall snapping the net in the process. Squidward then falls into a deep fryer, SpongeBob screams and goes over to the deep fryer and picks up the net with Squidward in it, now Squidward looks like an ice cream cone when he's fried and we see a close up of the fried Squidward) I can fix this. (Runs but he accidentally trips on the mop on the floor, hits a tin cupboard and bounces off and slams into the counter, Squidward is sent flying and into a customer's Krabby Patty taking it's place, the customer takes a bite out of Squidward causing him and the customer to scream, the customer throws away Squidward who flies in the other direction, SpongeBob runs to intercept him) This time I gotcha. (Squidward hits SpongeBob's face and bounces off, finally crashing into a fountain soda machine, SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs gasps, Squidward lies there muttering nonsense as the soda sprays on him. Mr. Krabs rushes over to the mess)

Mr. Krabs: (Devastated) Me soder machine!!! (Cries)

SpongeBob: Squidward, can you hear me? (Holds up two fingers) How many fingers am I...

Squidward: (Freaking out) NOOOO!!!!! (Smacks SpongeBob away and continues screaming, then leaps behind a table, destroying it)

SpongeBob: Squidward?

(Squidward screams and whacks two customers away, he climbs up the wall and looks down at the floor)

Mr. Krabs: Wow, you really sent him over the edge this time.

SpongeBob: Technically, I drove him up the wall.

(A time card reading "One shift later..." appears)

Narrator: One shift later...

(Scene cuts to the next day. SpongeBob is mopping the floor when Squidward arrives with a blue folder)

Squidward: (Smirking) Oh, SpongeBob, I got a present for you.

SpongeBob: (Gives a big smile with twinkling eyes) Present? A present? For me? (Eagerly runs up to Squidward)

Squidward: Now, now. Calm down. I've should've given this to you a long time ago. (knocks SpongeBob down and gives him a piece of paper from the folder)

SpongeBob: Wow, Squidward! My very own...(Looks at the restraining order) Restraining order. Uh...what is that?

Squidward: Perhaps my lawyers should explain. (Points over to his lawyers Harry, Combover, and Bald)

Harry: We are the law offices of Harry, Combover, and Bald! Specializing in restraining order logical law (Harry, Combover, and Bald all turn to their left) and here to tell one Mr. SquarePants...

Harry, Combover, & Bald: (All turning and pointing at SpongeBob) You've been served!

Spongebob: Served? I don't understand. Squidward, what are these guy-- (Before he can reach Squidward, he is stopped by Harry and Combover. Bald pushes Squidward away from him)

Bald: Per paragraph 3 of the restraining order, you may no longer speak to our client. (Draws a dot circle on the ground around Squidward with chalk) Likewise, you may not come within 15 feet of Mr. Squidward at any time. Any infractions of these statues will result in... serious... jail... time!

SpongeBob: (Nervously) Can you make Krabby Patties for loyal Krusty Krab patrons during... "serious jail time?"

Bald: Huh?

Squidward: (Whispers indistinctly in Bald's ear)...and...(Whispers some more)

Bald: No.

SpongeBob: (Screams in fear) No! I don't wanna go!

Combover: Well then, follow the guidelines we've explained and you won't have to.

SpongeBob: Uh, sirs? If I can't speak to, or get within fifteen feet of Squidward, how'll we get anything done around here?

Harry, Combover, and Bald: (Once again, all pointing at SpongeBob) That's not our problem. (All fly off)

SpongeBob: (Walks in front of the dotted line) Hmmm...

(Scene changes to SpongeBob cooking Krabby Patties and putting them on a long hand-made spatula made of wood and mops)

SpongeBob: There we go! 3 Krabby Patties, 2 large Kelpy Colas, and 3 fries ready to be served. (Rings the order bell and tries to give the order to Squidward, but Squidward puts up a glass window) Hmm? (Carries the order on the hand-made spatula with strings and another piece of wood on the other side of Squidward also in front of the door. Mr. Krabs comes in and walks right into it and it knocks him on the ground) Oops! (Runs over to Mr. Krabs) Sorry about that Mr. Krabs! It's just so hard to get this food to Squidward without violating this restraining order. (Shows him the restraining order)

Mr. Krabs: Let me see that! (Takes the restraining order and wipes the mustard off him then gives it back to SpongeBob) Thank you! Look, boy, I don't know what in coral cabins a restraining order is. But I DO know whatever's goin' on here clearly ain't workin'! Now I want this ship sailin' smoothly on the double! Or I'll be forced to remove more gold stars from your employee performance chart! (Takes away a star from SpongeBob's Employee Chart then walks away)

SpongeBob: (Screams) Think, SpongeBob, think! (Gasps then smiles) I got it!

(Cuts to Patrick giggling whilst moving closer and closer to Squidward)

Squidward: (Reading a book) Oh, if I ignore it, maybe it'll go away. (Patrick is still giggling) I thought not. (Closes the book) Okay, Patrick, what? What? WHAT?!

Patrick: (Still giggling) Notice anything... (Smacks Squidward's noise with the Krusty Krab hat he is wearing) ...different? (Pointing at his hat) Huh? Huh?! A hint! (Takes out a drawing held upside-down of the Krusty Krab hat pointing to it and his hat)

Mr. Krabs: Patrick! I am NOT not paying you to stand around and play "Guess What the Idiot's Thinking" with Squidward! Get back to work!

Squidward: Yeah, Patrick! Get back to...what?! Work?! Oh, no! No, no, no! Krabs! (Walks past SpongeBob who moves backwards then forwards) Mr. Krabs!

Mr. Krabs: Why all the shiverin' of the timbers, Mr. Squidward?

Squidward: Mr. Krabs! This will not stand!

Mr. Krabs: It'll stand. (Smugly) Oh, unless you'd rather talk with SpongeBob. (Goes back into his office)

(Squidward grunts angrily then the scene makes a bubble transition over to a customer buying a Krabby Patty. Squidward hands Patrick the ticket and Patrick takes it to SpongeBob who then makes the Krabby Patties then hands it to Patrick. Patrick takes the order to Squidward who then gives it to the customer)

Squidward: What?

Patrick: Can I watch you work?

Squidward: No.

Patrick: Please?

Squidward: No. (The two previous lines are repeated several more times, as Squidward gets fed up with Patrick asking)

Patrick: Pretty please?

Squidward: No! No, no, no! (Growls. Patrick continues to follow him) Go away, Patrick! Go away, Patrick! Patrick! Patrick! Patrick! (Washes his hands when Patrick appears in the mirror) Patrick! (Patrick touches his hat) Patrick! (Pushes a button on the cash register and Patrick springs out) Patrick! (Starts walking with Patrick following behind him very closely) Patrick! (Using the restroom with Patrick beside him) Patrick! (Starts sweating and shivering with Mr. Krabs now beside him)

Mr. Krabs: Mr. Squidward?

Squidward: (Screams)

Mr. Krabs: Time for your break. (Walks off)

Squidward: Ah...don't mind if I do. (Sits down and sighs) No better way to spend a break then with a little cool jazz. (Takes out the box that holds his clarinet and tries to play it, but it isn't there) Huh?

Patrick: (Comes out of the restroom) Hi, Squidward!

Squidward: (Annoyed) Hello...you...

Patrick: I just finished cleaning the restroom!

Squidward: (Sarcastically) Ooh! That's great!

Patrick: I mopped the floors! I shined the mirrors! I scrubbed the sinks!

Squidward: (Sarcastically) Wonderful.

Patrick: Oh, yeah! (Takes out Squidward's clarinet which is now soaking wet) But we're gonna need a new toilet plunger. This one's broken.

Squidward: (Enraged) Patrick! (Takes back the clarinet and growls at Patrick which Mr. Krabs appears to see what is happening)

Mr. Krabs: Nice work, Patrick! Break time's over, Mr. Squidward.

Squidward: (Walks over to a customer) Welcome to the House of Misery. May I take your order?

Dave: Yes, I would like 2 Double Fried Kelp Fritters, 3 Krusty Krab Cream Filled Corals, and 4 Triple Fatty Krabby Patties. (Curiously) Is that too much?

Squidward: That depends.

Dave: (Confused) On what?

Squidward: How long you want to live? (Laughs and walks right into Patrick. Patrick laughs as Squidward's nose is stuck in his mouth. Squidward tries hard to get his nose free and he does, but goes flying in the process)

Patrick: Hah hah! Squidward's funny! (Looks down and picks up something) Hey, a button!

Gus: (Comes in holding a pie) Oh, Grammy, I brought your favorite; seaberry pie. (Notices Squidward flying toward him screaming) Yikes! (Runs away)

Squidward: (Crashes into the seaberry pie and then onto the window, then tastes the pie) Seaberries? I'm allergic to...(His body and face puff up) ...seaberries... (Frustrated) That's it! I know what I must do! (Starts walking toward SpongeBob) SpongeBob! (SpongeBob ducks behind the window)

Patrick: You're the prettiest button I've ev...(Spots Squidward) Huh? Monster!

Squidward: SpongeBob!

Patrick: It's after SpongeBob! (Pauses and looks at the button) You're right, button! No monster's gonna eat our friend! (Jumps up high and yells; heads toward Squidward)

Squidward: No, no, no, no, wait!

(Patrick lands on Squidward and starts attacking him. They both roll into the back where SpongeBob is, then they start fighting)

SpongeBob: Oh, no! My two best friends are fighting! (Takes out his restraining order) But this restraining order says I can't get close enough to break it off! (Watches as Squidward squirts mustard at Patrick's face and Patrick then hits him with a spatula. They both continue to roll around and fight) I'm sorry, restraining order! But my friends need me! (Screams and dives toward Squidward and Patrick and breaks up the fighting) Stop!

Squidward: (Notices the restraining order in SpongeBob's pocket and takes it) Give me that restraining order!

SpongeBob: (Screams)

Squidward: Alright, let's look at this.

SpongeBob: Squidward, please don't send me to jail!

Patrick: (Confused) Squidward? (Looks at his button) Did you know the monster was Squidward? Well when were you going to tell me?

SpongeBob: (Starts crying) I violated the restraining order! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

Squidward: Quit bellyaching and hand me a pen.

SpongeBob: (Cries) Here you go. (Hands him a pen then continues crying)

Squidward: Stop the waterworks! You're not going to jail.

SpongeBob: I'm not? (Stops crying)

Squidward: No! I'm releasing you from this order. (Crosses out SpongeBob's name on the restraining order)

SpongeBob: Really, Squidward?

Squidward: ...and adding someone who's much more deserving!

Patrick: Sorry, button.

Squidward: No, Patrick! YOU! (Shows the restraining order with "Patrick Star" now written on it)

Patrick: Oh!!! AH HAH HAH HAH HAH!!!!

(The episode ends with Patrick still laughing hysterically)

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