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Episode Transcript: Karate Choppers
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Episode Article: Karate Choppers
Characters
Dialogue
SpongeBob: (SpongeBob is lurking around, heading home, looking for Sandy because they are playing karate. He suspects the pineapple of being Sandy) Hi-yah! Oh, sorry, pineapple house. I thought you were someone else. (walks inside) Ah, what a great day at work. (hears something) Huh? Yeah... (tip toes over to the couch but makes duck sounds as he tip toes. He grabs the ducks that are on the floor and kicks them away. Then he runs in front of his couch) I know you're back there, Sandy! And I also know that nobody can hide from Sponge... (jumps behind the couch and no one is there) ...bob. (has his back to the couch while he squeezes his eyes through the couch looking for Sandy. When he thinks he's spotted her, he runs out from behind the couch and in front of the tv) I got you now! Hi-yah! (no one is there so he sits on the couch and watches TV)
TV:(shows a realistic pink and yellow fish) Yeah, shopping's weird. Did you ever go into the seafood aisle and say 'Who eats this stuff?"' (SpongeBob laughs)
SpongeBob: I love this show! (Sandy is sitting next to SpongeBob)
Sandy: Me too! (SpongeBob screams and beings to karate more)
SpongeBob: Hi-yah! (Sandy puts on her green karate gear)
Sandy: Hi-yah! (SpongeBob high-kicks in slow-motion)
SpongeBob: Hi-yah! (Sandy runs off then drives forward but SpongeBob jumps his upper half of his body to avoid Sandy) Uhh, just a second. (runs off but returns with his red karate gear on) Safety first! (winks) And now, spin technique! (spins around and lunges towards Sandy)
Sandy: Hi-yah! Yah... (SpongeBob grabs her hand and spins her around)
SpongeBob: Double overhand squirrel knot! (turns her into a round knot and throws her through the door like a bowling ball)
Sandy: I'm gonna get you tomorrow, SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: That'll be the day. (spins his arms and legs around. Nighttime at Sandy's treedome when the phone rings)
Sandy: Hello? (SpongeBob’s arm tries to karate chop Sandy but Sandy takes SpongeBob’s hand and puts it through the phone to karate chop himself)
Sandy: Nice try, SpongeBrain! (hangs up phone. Later, at Barg N Mart, Sandy is shopping when a box of cereal falls. She thinks it’s SpongeBob so she gets in her karate stance) Yah! (notices the box of cereal) Heh, silly me. (But when she walks a few more steps, SpongeBob is there in his karate gear)
SpongeBob: Hey Sandy, have you ever heard the one about the squirrel and the tin cans?
Sandy: I don't think so.
SpongeBob: Well, it goes like this! (stretches his arm to ricochet off a shelf and the ceiling to come at Sandy. He stops his arm right before hitting Sandy) Oh wait, I forgot the punch line. ( hits the loose board on the floor sending Sandy into a pile of tin cans) That's a good one, isn't it? (later, SpongeBob is walking down the road) What a beautiful day. Beautiful sky. Beautiful plants. Hi plants. Beautiful... ( sees a pile of tin cans on the ground so he puts on his karate gear) ...pile of cans? Mmm, Sandy, that is your worst disguise yet.
Sandy: No it's not, SpongeBob. (shows him a squirrel mask) This is! (jumps in front of SpongeBob) Now, prepare for a long, merciless whooping. (grabs SpongeBob’s tongue and takes out a bottle of hot sauce) Mmmm, my favorite. (SpongeBob screams as a drop of hot sauce hangs over the edge of the bottle and a face appears on the drop)
Hot Sauce Drop: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! By the powers of motleyness, I command this particular drop of hot sauce to be really, really hot!
SpongeBob: Sandy! Wait! Victory is yours.
Sandy: I knew you'd come to your senses, SpongeBob. (drinks the bottle of hot sauce. While she is doing this, SpongeBob wraps the fake tongue she was holding and around her and spins her)
SpongeBob: Yah... (Sandy karate chops SpongeBob far away)
Sandy: Hi-yah!
SpongeBob: Curses! (at Krusty Krab where the line is very long)
Customer: With extra cheese. To go!
Squidward: Three patties, four large oyster skins, on the double, SpongeBob! (SpongeBob is still wearing his karate gear)
SpongeBob: Oh yeah... gotcha! (SpongeBob opens a door)
Squidward: SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: What? (karate chops Squidward's face)
Squidward: I'm going to pretend that didn't happen. (throws two pieces of paper at SpongeBob) Now fill these orders or leave, SpongeBob. We're very busy today! (SpongeBob runs out of the kitchen with tray of patties in his hands)
SpongeBob: Order up... (stops as he sees a customer karate chopping a fly. The customers turns into Sandy who is in her gear and winks at SpongeBob)
Squidward: SpongeBob! Now are you gonna... (SpongeBob throws the tray backwards at Squidward causing the krabby patties to land on Squidward's head)
Mr. Krabs: Oh, Squidward. I was going through some records back in me office and...huh? So, you got the hairpiece after all.
SpongeBob: Hi-yah!
Fred: My leg! (under the floor)
SpongeBob: Thought you could sneak up on me at work, did ya? Well, you can't! 'Cause I'm fast, I'm mean, and I can do this! (does something with his hands while hissing. Points at Fred then walks backwards) Took care of her, yes I did. (bumps into Mr. Krabs) Ohh, ahoy, sir!
Mr. Krabs: What was that?
SpongeBob: But sir, she snuck up on me. In my own dojo.
Mr. Krabs: Are you on some new allergy medication, boy?
SpongeBob: No, sir. Just practicing my karate, sir. Or kara-tae, as some call it.
Mr. Krabs: Kara-tae? You should be making me money-ay! With your spatu-lae! Now get back to work.
SpongeBob: Aye aye, capi-tay. Nice hairpiece, Squidward. (he walks off. Later, at closing time, Squid is mopping the floor)
Squidward: SpongeBob, did you get those bathrooms mopped yet? (SpongeBob is staring at his hands)
SpongeBob: Yes, ma'am. I mean, sir. I mean, boss. I mean, poobah!
Squidward: Go! (SpongeBob walks into the bathroom with a mop and a bucket in hand. He hears a sneeze so he opens a door but nobody is there)
SpongeBob: Hah! (opens the next stall door and jumps in it) Sandy! (Mr. Krabs walks out of the stall with SpongeBob in his hand)
Mr. Krabs: No more!
SpongeBob: But Mr. Krabs... (Mr. Krabs grabs a hold of SpongeBob’s mouth)
Mr. Krabs: Shhh. No more of this karate stuff, lad. Or you're fired. (lets go of his mouth and walks away)
SpongeBob: Fired? (walks out) No more karate? How am I gonna tell Sandy?
Sandy: Hi-yah! (jumps at SpongeBob karate chopping him)
SpongeBob: Sandy, wait! I can't. Mr. Krabs said I have to give up karate.
Sandy: (stops) Uh-huh. Sure, SpongeBob. (Sandy karate chops him again)
SpongeBob: No, no. Really, Sandy. Stop. (stops) Sandy: I'm not falling for it, SpongeBob! (karate more)
SpongeBob: No, really! Please, stop! (Mr. Krabs looks out the window)
Mr. Krabs: What the...?! (walks outside) SpongeBob! (SpongeBob screams)
SpongeBob: Ahh, Mr. Krabs!
Mr. Krabs: What did I just get through telling ye, lad?
SpongeBob: But...I...uhh...she...
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, you're fired!
Sandy: Huh?
SpongeBob: (high-pitched voice) Fired? (faces gets smaller until its not there anymore)
Mr. Krabs: Eh?
Sandy: SpongeBob? (SpongeBob’s face reappears and he bursts out crying and runs everywhere) Wait, Mr. Krabs, it's not his fault. It's...it's mine. He tried to tell me but I wouldn't listen. (SpongeBob is crying into a cup and drinking it. Now he's flipping over and over around Sandy and Mr. Krabs) Just give him another chance, please?
Mr. Krabs: Hmmm... (grabs SpongeBob) Alright, me boy, I'll give you a second chance. But no more karate. It's poisoning your mind. (sniffs Sandy) Mmm, mammals. (walks off)
Sandy: Aww, shoot, SpongeBob. I guess you ain't fibbing. Aww, that game was getting old anyway. It's not fun anymore. I mean, what's so fun about... (karate chops SpongeBob) ...this?
SpongeBob: (laughs then stops) Nothing. Nothing is fun about that at all!
Sandy: We can find something to do that's almost nine times as fun.
SpongeBob: We can? I mean, sure we can. Yeah! Like we can, uhh... (picks up a rock) We can squeeze things! (squeezes the rock and drops it) Woo! How much fun was that?
Sandy: Almost some.
SpongeBob: I know! We can act like plants. (lies on the ground and opens and closes his legs and arms) Photosynthesis. Photosynthesis.
Sandy: Wanna go to the park? (SpongeBob and Sandy at the park. SpongeBob is holding a basket in one hand)
SpongeBob: Karate sure is dumb.
Sandy: Yeah, you can say that again.
SpongeBob: I feel dumb just thinking about it. (puts the basket down) Duh...I'm stupid! I like karate! Doy!
Sandy: You like what?
SpongeBob: Not karate.
Sandy: Ha! I don't even know what that is.
SpongeBob: Me too. I don't know what anything is! In fact...
Fisherman: (casting off his fishing rod) Hi-yah! Hi-yah!
SpongeBob: (giggle) For a second that sounded like...
Sandy: Karate?
SpongeBob: Right now? I mean, no! What is this karate? (opens up the basket) Uhh, what do you want on your sandwich?
Sandy: Karate.
SpongeBob: What did you say?
Sandy: Uhh, Ketchup. Ketchup! I want Ketchup on my sandwich. (takes out some Ketchup) There we go. (SpongeBob pulls out some barnacle loaf pulls out a barnacle loaf)
SpongeBob: How many slices of barnacle loaf do you want?
Sandy: One. Just one.
SpongeBob: One for you! (karate chops a slice off)
Sandy: Hmmm?
SpongeBob: And one for me! (chops off another slice in slow-motion)
Sandy: Ohh, uhh, SpongeBob? Maybe just one more. Uhh, I'm kinda hungry. (brings out the barnacle loaf again)
SpongeBob: Sure thing, Sandy. (lifts upu his hand)
Sandy: SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: Yeah?
Sandy: Do you think, umm...do you think I could cut this one?
SpongeBob: Uhh, sure.
Sandy: Thanks. Hi-yah! (chops one slice) Is that enough?
SpongeBob: Maybe just one more. Or two!
Sandy: Or three!
SpongeBob: Or ten!
Sandy: Yes, ten! Because we're REALLY hungry!
SpongeBob: Right!
Sandy: Right!
SpongeBob: Right!
Sandy: Right! (chops off more slices and they fly everywhere)
SpongeBob: Time for buns! (throws a bunch of buns in the air and chops them in half)
Sandy: How about some tomatoes?
SpongeBob: And I'll cut the cheese! (both throw the cheese and tomatoes in the air while chopping them into a bunch of slices that land on the patties)
Sandy: And, what else should we slice? (SpongeBob grabs more buns)
SpongeBob: More buns! (Sandy grabs two heads of lettuce)
Sandy: And lettuce!
Both: Yeah! (both slice up more food to complete their krabby patties. When they are done, the entire place is chopped in half. Sandy is slicing wood in half while SpongeBob is resting on a rock)
SpongeBob: Phew. Making sandwiches sure is fun. Right, Sandy? (Sandy has a dazed look on her face) Right? I guess I'll eat one now. (reaches for a patty but Sandy karate chops his arm with her green foam hand)
Sandy: You're mince meat!
SpongeBob: (in his red karate gear) In your dreams! Hi-yah! (both start to karate chop each other. Mr. Krabs is walking through the park)
Mr. Krabs: Huh? What the barnacle? (the whole park is chopped in half)
SpongeBob: Do you think Mr. Krabs ever does karate? (Mr. Krabs clears his throat to get SpongeBob to scream) Mr. Krabs! (tries to hold a tree back in one piece) Uhh, hey Mr. Krabs, how's it going? (holds the rock in one piece) Nice day, huh? ( half of the tree falls on SpongeBob’s head) Oh, alright, Mr. Krabs. You caught me. But you know what? I just can't help myself. You're just gonna have to fire me.
Mr. Krabs: Fire you? (grabs a couple krabby patties) I've got something else in mind. (at the Krusty Krab, SpongeBob & Sandy are karate chopping up krabby patties for the customers. Sandy is chopping up the meat and SpongeBob is chopping up the mustard)
Sandy: I love karate!
SpongeBob: I love kara-tae!
Mr. Krabs: I love money-a!
Squidward: I hate all of you.
