Episode Transcript: Plankton's Pet

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Episode Article: Plankton's Pet

Characters

Dialogue

(episode begins at the Krusty Krab)

SpongeBob: Order up! (holding a Krabby Patty)

Squidward: (takes Krabby Patty to customer) Here. (drops Krabby Patty with plate on table)

Baby/Plankton: Goo!

Fish: (looks up from reading newspaper) Hey, there.

Baby/Plankton: (makes spitting noise with tongue) Num, num! (takes Krabby Patty)

Fish: Aw, does baby want a Krabby Patty, hmm?

Fish #2: Awww...

SpongeBob: (holding onto Squidward) Baby's first Krabby Patty. (sniffles. Baby is walking out the door. A security camera looks at the baby. Alarms go off and Mr. Krabs is alerted in his office. Mr. Krabs looks through a periscope in his office)

Mr. Krabs: (seeing Plankton controlling the baby from the inside) That diabolical fiend!

Plankton: I can't believe this is working! It's like taking candy from a baby -- with a baby.

Mr. Krabs: Stop right there, you thievin' infant! (baby stops, turns head around. It makes mechanical squeaks, looks at Mr. Krabs and rotates its head back and continues towards the door. Dives for the baby, yelling. Body-slams the baby. The baby drops the Krabby Patty)

SpongeBob: Yi-eeh! That's harsh.

Mr. Krabs: So you thought you could pull a fast one, eh? (holds the baby up by the diaper) Now, come out of there, you little pest! (spanks the baby and grunts)

Fish #3: (gasps) What's he doing? You leave that poor baby alone! (pointing at Mr. Krabs and the baby)

Mr. Krabs: Okay. I guess we're gonna have to do this the hard way. (holds up his claw)

SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, no! Don't do it! (holds up his hand to stop Mr. Krabs. But Mr. Krabs grunts and rips the baby in half. The head lands on the ground)

Fish: (covering his mouth) Ooh! Oh... (faints)

Fish #3: Oh! (faints)

Mr. Krabs: Oh, calm down! It's just Plankton. (squeezes the baby's body and Plankton pops out) See?

Plankton: Uh...goo-goo?

Fish: How dare you! You toyed with our emotions! (points at Plankton. Pokes him)

Plankton: Ow.

Mr. Krabs: Face it, Plankton. You're never gonna win. I'll always be one step...ahead. (holds up the baby head and puts it back on the body. Chuckles. Takes the baby outside with Plankton in it) Now, why don't you go back to where you came from, you little brat. (punts the baby. Three fish who were standing outside gasp) Uh-oh.

All Three Fish: You monster! How dare you! (they yell at Mr. Krabs and beat him up with an umbrella, a purse, and a walker. Baby lands at the Chum Bucket and starts to cry)

Karen: Aww, diddums fail to get a Krabby Patty again? (picks up the baby and brings it inside)

Plankton: (still in baby costume) Stop patronizing me! Why does every single plan fall apart? It's just a stupid sandwich, I tell you! It's wearing me down!

Karen: You need to stop obsessing over it. (lays baby down and takes off diaper) Relax. Get a hobby or something. (tosses diaper in the trash)

Plankton: I hate to admit it, computer wife, I need something to take my mind off that blasted secret formula for a while. (walks out of trash can from a door at the bottom of the bin. Walks over to window) But what?

Karen: I know. How about taking care of an inferior life-form?

Plankton: You mean a pet? That's a great idea! But how will I find a pet that fits my dynamic personality?

SpongeBob: Plankton! (looks through window. Plankton screams) I have the perfect solution to your problem.

Plankton: SpongeBob? How could you possibly help me?

SpongeBob: You should try the local animal shelter. That's where I found my Gary.

Plankton: Oh, yeah? Perhaps you're on to something there. (bubble-wipe to the Bikini Bottom Animal Shelter)

SpongeBob: Here it is. The Bikini Bottom Animal Shelter. (pets are barking) Your perfect pet awaits. Now, if you just listen to your heart, you'll be able to pick out the right pet as soon as you see it. (barking continues)

Plankton: Hmm... (walks by worms) Too big. (walks by snails) Too sloppy.

Patrick: (sits in a cage) Duh...

Plankton: Too stupid.

Patrick: Hi, SpongeBob.

SpongeBob: Hey, Patrick. Oh! Oh! What about this one?

Plankton: Are you kidding me? Algae on a rock? I want a pet, not a plant. It's no use. (pet snarls) There's nothing for me here. (pet's tongue grabs Plankton. Screams)

SpongeBob: Oh, no! Plankton!

Plankton: You know, I can't say I'm surprised. (barking noises coming from another pet. The other pet growls and chomps the pet holding Plankton. The pet that was holding Plankton screams and lets go. The other pet barks) Hey there, little guy. (pet barks and jumps into Plankton's arms) Looks like we have a winner.

SpongeBob: Oh, so cute! What'cha gonna call him? He looks like a "Spot" to me. (pet chomps SpongeBob's finger and growls)

Plankton: That name provokes a violent reaction. Spot it is! (Spot licks Plankton, barks and pants. Bubble-wipe to the Chum Bucket) Well, Spot, I'm your new owner, so shower me with love and affection. (Spot doesn't give Plankton love or affection) Karen, it's not giving me unconditional love. I think it's defective.

Karen: You're gonna have to train him to do that.

Plankton: I train him? (sighs) I'll give it a shot. All right, Spot. Let's start with something easy. Stay. (picks up Spot and sits him down) Good boy. Now sit. (Spot makes a squishing noise as he sits down) Very good! Now roll over. (Spot barks) Excellent! Now shake. (Spot shakes his body, shaking the whole Chum Bucket) Wow! That's one mean shake you got there. I think we should burn off some of that extra energy. Would you like to go walkies? (holds up a leash) I'll assume that's a yes. (puts a collar on Spot) March! (Spot barks. Whistles. Starts getting tired and panting) Phew. We must've walked for miles. (notices he's only made it to the mailbox) I guess our legs are too short for walkies. How about a nice round of fetch? (brings back tennis ball. Grunts) Fetch! (ball lands on top of Spot and squishes him. Screams) Oh no. What have I done? I'm a terrible pet owner! Terrible! Karen! We're gonna need another Spot! (Spot squishes himself back together and pops up from the ground barking) Nice rebound, Spot! You know, I get squished a lot too. (sniffles. Spot licks Plankton) I hope nobody saw that emotional outburst. (A group of three fish is standing by Plankton)

All Three Fish: Aww!

Plankton: Shoo! (the three fish walk away. Bubble-wipe to inside the Chum Bucket) Okay, Spot. Today, you'll learn how to be an attack pet to guard the Chum Bucket from intruders. Now, Spot, pretend I'm a burglar. (her is wearing a animal costume) Attack! (Spot whimpers) You're not getting this? Come at me! Uh-oh, losing balance. (falls over) A little help? (Spot jumps on Plankton and licks him) On second thought, what do I need a guard dog for? I can't even give chum away. What I really need is a retriever. (Bubble-wipe to later. He is now showing Spot a picture of a Krabby Patty) This is your target. I want you to retrieve the Krabby Patty. Now, security is tight, so I've devised a pl-- (Spot walks away. Flips to next page of plan with a picture of the Krusty Krab on it) Wait! Where are you going? You're not ready! (Spot is sniffing. He opens the Chum Bucket door and leaves. He pops through Krusty Krab front door. He sniffs. He walks by Squidward at register. SpongeBob walks out of the kitchen humming cheerfully. Spot goes into the kitchen)

Fish: I'd like a large... (sees a moving Krabby Patty on the ground) What was that?

Squidward: Didn't see it, don't care.

Plankton: (snores and drools. Spot drops the Krabby Patty and barks) Holy plot twist! It's a Krabby Patty! It's...a miracle! (heavenly choir vocals) Karen, look at what Spot brought home.

Karen: That's wonderful! Spot deserves a reward.

Plankton: He can have anything he wants, up to half my kingdom--uh, laboratory.

Karen: I think he wants your Krabby Patty. (Spot is panting. He chomps the entire Krabby Patty)

Plankton: Noo! No! You've been a very bad amoeba! Bad amoeba! I'm afraid you'll have to be punished. You need a time out. I'm just gonna tie you up out here until you learn to behave. (ties Spot to mailbox) Shouldn't take more than five minutes. (Spot whimpers) Aww... no, no, I must be strong. (Spot whimpers again. Goes back into the Chum Bucket) I can't do it. (tender music plays) Spot, I'm sorry. I-- (music stops when Plankton opens the door. Spot is gone and his collar is on the ground) Spot! He's gone. (cries) Where is he? Spot! Come back! (sobs) Spot! Come back! Spot! Come back! I've got to find him. (the group of three fish is back)

All Three Fish: Aww...

Plankton: Don't any of you have jobs? (bubble-wipe to later. Goes searching) Spot! Where are you, Spot? (sobs at the Krusty Krab dumpster)

SpongeBob: (walks out back with trash) Why, Plankton, what's wrong? (dumps trash)

Plankton: I lost Spot.

SpongeBob: That's terrible! Gary lost me once. I was cold, alone, starving. It was the worst eight minutes of my life. Come on, Plankton, let's find your pet. (picks up Plankton and tucks him under his arm. Plankton is now looking out from being tucked in SpongeBob's pants. Bubble-wipe to downtown) Lost pet! Anyone seen this lost pet? (holds up a sign that reads "Have you seen this amoeba?" with a green speck on it) Lost pet emergency! Be on the lookout for a lost pet! Pardon me, sir. (stops man in suit) Have you seen this amoeba?

Fish #2: You mean that little speck?

SpongeBob: No. That little speck. (points to sign)

Fish #2: Is this him? (holds up a shoe)

Plankton: No, that's a piece of gum.

Fish #2: Gum? (pulls gum off) I've been looking everywhere for this. (puts it in his mouth) If I was lookin' for a lost pet, I'd try the animal shelter.

Plankton: Of course!

SpongeBob and Plankton: The shelter! (bubble-wipe to the Animal Shelter)

SpongeBob: I think it's closed for the night. (opens the door. Door clanks) Ooh, it's dark in here. I'll find a light switch. A-ha! (flips switch. Metal clanks are heard) Nope, that's not it. (flips another switch) A-ha! Found the lights.

Plankton: Uh, SpongeBob? What was the first switch for?

SpongeBob: I dunno. I think it unlocks the pens?

Plankton: I thought so. Because now the animals are loose! (animals shriek) SpongeBob?

SpongeBob: Run for it?

Plankton: Yep. (SpongeBob picks up Plankton and runs. They pant. The animals shriek)

SpongeBob: I think we lost 'em.

Plankton: SpongeBob, before we're torn to shreds, I'd like to thank you for helping me look for Spot.

SpongeBob: Aw, it was nothing. Hey, speaking of Spots. Did you always have a double pupil?

Plankton: A double what? (pulls Spot off eye) Spot! (dramatic music plays) Thank entropy you're safe! You were hiding on my optical cornea the whole time! You sneaky little amoeba, you. (Spot barks and licks Plankton. Laughs)

SpongeBob: Aw, I'm glad you found Spot. (animals shriek) Unfortunately, the animals found us too.

Plankton: Good-bye, Spot. I guess this is the end of the road for us. (Spot growls, barks, and jumps out of Plankton's arms) Spot, no! (Spot barks at the other animals. The animals laugh. Spot snarls and grows to a much larger size. He barks loudly at the animals. The animals all run back into their cages. The cages close. Spot growls and shrinks back to small size. He jumps back into Plankton's arms)

SpongeBob: Wow, Spot! You saved us!

Plankton: I taught him everything he knows! (Spot barks and licks Plankton)

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