Episode Transcript: Money Talks

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|[[Episode Transcript: SpongeBob Vs. Patty Gadget|SpongeBob vs. Patty Gadget]]
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Episode Article: [[Money Talks]]
+
Episode Article: [[Money Talks (Episode)|Money Talks]]
  
 
==Characters==
 
==Characters==
Line 19: Line 19:
  
 
==Dialogue==
 
==Dialogue==
 +
(episode begins at the Krusty Krab)<br>
  
(at the Krusty Krab)<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': May I help you, sir?<br>
  
SpongeBob: May I help you, sir?<br>
+
'''Customer''': I'd like that table over by the window. (points to the table behind him where an elderly couple is sitting)<br>
  
Customer: I'd like that table over by the window. (points to the table behind him where an elderly couple is sitting)<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': As soon as the present customers are done with it. They like to chew their food thoroughly.<br>
  
SpongeBob: As soon as the present customers are done with it. They like to chew their food thoroughly.<br>
+
'''Lady''': 97... 98... 99...<br>
  
Lady: 97... 98... 99...<br>
+
'''Man''': Don't rush me, woman!<br>
  
Man: Don't rush me, woman!<br>
+
'''Customer''': Perhaps this will speed up the process. (shows him some money)<br>
  
Customer: Perhaps this will speed up the process. (shows him some money)<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': How will that help them chew faster?<br>
  
SpongeBob: How will that help them chew faster?<br>
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': SpongeBob, what's the problem?<br>
  
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, what's the problem?<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': No problem, I was just telling this customer he needed to wait for his favorite table.<br>
  
SpongeBob: No problem, I was just telling this customer he needed to wait for his favorite table.<br>
+
'''Customer''': Five bucks if I get the table now. (Mr. Krabs kicks out the elderly couple)<br>
  
Customer: Five bucks if I get the table now. (Mr. Krabs kicks out the elderly couple)<br>
+
'''Lady''': Ow, my hip.<br>
  
Lady: Ow, my hip.<br>
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': (ties a bib around the customer's neck) Enjoy your meal. Let me know if you need anything else.<br>
  
Mr. Krabs: (ties a bib around the customer's neck) Enjoy your meal. Let me know if you need anything else.<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Why did you give him the table?<br>
  
SpongeBob: Why did you give him the table?<br>
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': You know what they say: "money talks". (kisses the money)<br>
  
Mr. Krabs: You know what they say: "money talks". (kisses the money)<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': I didn't know money could talk. Did it tell you to kick those old people out? (talking to money) What do you  
 
+
SpongeBob: I didn't know money could talk. Did it tell you to kick those old people out? (talking to money) What do you  
+
 
have against old people?<br>
 
have against old people?<br>
  
Mr. Krabs: Don't go goofy on me, boy. Money can't really talk. Only fish can talk.<br>
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': Don't go goofy on me, boy. Money can't really talk. Only fish can talk.<br>
  
SpongeBob: Wouldn't it be neat if money could talk?<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Wouldn't it be neat if money could talk?<br>
  
Mr. Krabs: (chuckles) Yeah. Wait a minute...<br>
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': (chuckles) Yeah. Wait a minute...<br>
  
Squidward: What's that music?<br>
+
'''Squidward''': (music begins) What's that music?<br>
  
SpongeBob: I think Mr. Krabs is gonna sing.<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': I think Mr. Krabs is gonna sing.<br>
  
Squidward: Oh, great.
+
'''Squidward''': Oh, great.
  
 +
'''Music:''' [[If I Could Talk To Money (Song)|If I Could Talk to Money]]
  
 +
If I could talk to money,
 +
How great my life would be.
 +
We'd tell each other secrets,
 +
All their friends would visit me.
  
'''Music:''' "[[If I Could Talk To Money]]"
+
I'd bathe in filthy riches,
 +
Which is clean enough for me.
 +
Oh, if you could tell me what you want,
 +
How happy we would be.
  
  If I could talk to money
+
  We'd surely be the best of friends,
How great my life would be
+
  We'd never disagree.
  We'd tell each other secrets
+
  There wouldn't be a downside,
  All their friends would visit me
+
Not one that I could see.
  
  I'd bathe in filthy riches
+
  If I could talk to money,
  Which is clean enough for me
+
  Come along, sing with me.
Oh, if you could tell me what you want
+
How happy we would be
+
  
We'd surely be the best of friends
+
'''Squidward''': (spoken) Uh, no thanks. I got to go.
We'd never disagree
+
There wouldn't be a downside
+
Not one that I could see
+
  
If I could talk to money
+
'''SpongeBob''': (spoken) I really have to pee.
Come along, sing with me
+
  
  Squidward: Uh, no thanks, I got to go
+
  If I could talk to money,
  SpongeBob: I really have to pee
+
  And it could talk to me...
 +
We'd always be the best of friends,
 +
For all eternity...
  
If I could talk to money
+
(Mr. Krabs chortles)
And it could talk to meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee,
+
We'd always be the best of friends
+
For all eternity
+
 
+
(Mr. Krabs chortles) <br>
+
  
 
'''Patrick''': (comes out of the bathroom) What did I miss?<br>
 
'''Patrick''': (comes out of the bathroom) What did I miss?<br>
  
Mr. Krabs: Oh... (starts to sing but customers walk away. Cut to later that night at Mr. Krabs' house) Parlez vous Francais? Hable Español? Oo-yay eak-spay ig-pay atin-lay? (uses stethoscope on money) Mm-hmm. (turns on a light over the money) Maybe this will make you talk. Talk! You're being too hard on the little guy. You can talk to me. I'm your friend. (cries) I  
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': Oh... (starts to sing the song again, but customers walk away. Bubble-wipe to later that night at Mr. Krabs' house) Parlez vous Francais? ¿Hable Español? Oo-yay eak-spay ig-pay atin-lay? (uses stethoscope on money) Mm-hmm. (turns on a light over the money) Maybe this will make you talk. Talk! You're being too hard on the little guy. You can talk to me. I'm your friend. (cries) I would give anything to talk to money. Anything! (Flying Dutchman appears)<br>
would give anything to talk to money. Anything! (Flying Dutchman appears)<br>
+
  
Flying Dutchman: Anything?<br>
+
'''Flying Dutchman''': Anything?<br>
  
Mr. Krabs: You?<br>
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': You?<br>
  
Flying Dutchman: That's right. 'Tis I, the ominous Flying Dutchman. I'll grant your wish but it'll cost you. (contract  
+
'''Flying Dutchman''': That's right. 'Tis I, the ominous Flying Dutchman. I'll grant your wish but it'll cost you. (contract  
 
appears in front of Mr. Krabs)<br>
 
appears in front of Mr. Krabs)<br>
  
Mr. Krabs: Yeah, yeah, my immortal soul. I've heard that speech before. (signs contract)<br>
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': Yeah, yeah, my immortal soul. I've heard that speech before. (signs contract)<br>
 
+
Flying Dutchman: Wha...? Well, uh, great. But be warned!<br>
+
  
Mr. Krabs: Yeah, yeah, skip the lecture. I want what's coming to me.
+
'''Flying Dutchman''': Wha...? Well, uh, great. But be warned!<br>
  
Flying Dutchman: Humph, you're no fun at all, you know that? (gets out some magic dust from his pouch)<br>
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': Yeah, yeah, skip the lecture. I want what's coming to me.
  
Mr. Krabs: Hey, is that pixie dust? (Flying Dutchman throws the dust in his eyes, causing him to scream. Mr. Krabs wakes up)  
+
'''Flying Dutchman''': Humph, you're no fun at all, you know that? (gets out some magic dust from his pouch)<br>
Whew, that was a strange dream.<br>
+
  
Money: You think that was a strange dream? I dreamed I was trapped in a prison made of peanut butter.<br>
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': Hey, is that pixie dust? (Flying Dutchman throws the dust in his eyes, causing him to scream. Wakes up) Whew, that was a strange dream.<br>
  
Mr. Krabs: Who said that?<br>
+
'''Money''': You think that was a strange dream? I dreamed I was trapped in a prison made of peanut butter.<br>
  
Money: Down here.<br>
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': Who said that?<br>
  
Mr. Krabs: Hey, it's a nickel. What were you doing in my belly button, little fella?<br>
+
'''Money''': Down here.<br>
  
Nickel: I got stuck in there during your last coin shower. (shudders) I don't want to talk about it.<br>
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': (looks under his blanket and pulls out a nickel) Hey, it's a nickel. What were you doing in my belly button, little fella?<br>
  
Mr. Krabs: (takes his wallet and takes out a five-dollar bill) Do you have anything to say to me?<br>
+
'''Nickel''': I got stuck in there during your last coin shower. (shudders) I don't want to talk about it.<br>
  
Dollar Bill: Yeah, when was the last time you brushed your teeth?<br>
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': (takes his wallet and takes out a five-dollar bill) Do you have anything to say to me?<br>
  
Mr. Krabs: It worked! I can talk to money. Oh...<br>  
+
'''Dollar Bill''': Yeah, when was the last time you brushed your teeth?<br>
  
Nickel: Please, don't start singing again. (cut to Krusty Krab, the next day)<br>
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': It worked! I can talk to money. Oh...<br>  
  
Mr. Krabs: Don't worry, darlings. Soon you'll be rejoined with all your friends. (kisses his money)<br>
+
'''Nickel''': Please, don't start singing again. (bubble-wipe to the next day, at the Krusty Krab)<br>
  
Old Lady: Oh, my, why don't you kiss me like that?<br>
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': (entering) Don't worry, darlings. Soon you'll be rejoined with all your friends. (kisses his money)<br>
  
Old Man: Don't start.<br>
+
'''Old Lady''': Oh, my, why don't you kiss me like that?<br>
  
Squidward: That'll be five dollars. (puts money in register)
+
'''Old Man''': Don't start.<br>
  
Five-Dollar Bill: Hey, dudes.<br>
+
'''Squidward''': That'll be five dollars. (puts money in register)
  
Money: Run, jump! Jump out! Jump out! (Mr. Krabs closes the register and chuckles)<br>
+
'''Five-Dollar Bill''': Hey, dudes.<br>
  
Mr. Krabs: (opens up his safe) Good morning, my darlings.<br>
+
'''Money''': Run, jump! Jump out! Jump out! (Mr. Krabs closes the register and chuckles)<br>
  
Money: Good morning, Mr. Krabs.<br>
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': (opens up his safe) Good morning, my darlings.<br>
  
Mr. Krabs: You're coming home with me.<br>
+
'''Money''': Good morning, Mr. Krabs.<br>
  
Money: Yay!<br>
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': You're coming home with me.<br>
  
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, I did it. I can talk to money. (shows him a bag of money) Go ahead, say hello.<br>
+
'''Money''': Yay!<br>
  
SpongeBob: Hello... money.<br>
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': (walks by SpongeBob) SpongeBob, I did it. I can talk to money. (shows him a bag of money) Go ahead, say hello.<br>
  
Mr. Krabs: (laughs) Oh, aren't they a riot? (walks out the Krusty Krab)<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Hello... money.<br>
  
SpongeBob: I'm starting to worry about Mr. Krabs.<br>
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': (laughs) Oh, aren't they a riot? (walks out of the Krusty Krab)<br>
  
Squidward: I'm worried he just left with my paycheck. (cut to Mr. Krabs' house where he's on the floor with his money)<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': I'm starting to worry about Mr. Krabs.<br>
  
Mr. Krabs: Now that we're alone, let's tell each other secrets.<br>
+
'''Squidward''': I'm worried he just left with my paycheck. (bubble-wipe to Mr. Krabs' house where he's on the floor with his money)<br>
  
One-Dollar: What kind of secrets are you talking about?<br>
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': Now that we're alone, let's tell each other secrets.<br>
  
Dime: Yeah, we live in a safe.<br>
+
'''One-Dollar''': What kind of secrets are you talking about?<br>
  
Money: Yeah!
+
'''Dime''': Yeah, we live in a safe.<br>
  
Mr. Krabs: You have any friends you can invite over?
+
'''Money''': Yeah!
  
One-Dollar: Aren't we enough for you?<br>
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': You have any friends you can invite over?
  
Dime: Yeah, what's wrong with us?<br>
+
'''One-Dollar''': Aren't we enough for you?<br>
  
Money: Yeah!<br>
+
'''Dime''': Yeah, what's wrong with us?<br>
  
Mr. Krabs: Nothing, nothing. You guys are great. I thought you guys might want some company, you know, to make you happy.<br>
+
'''Money''': Yeah!<br>
  
Money: Why don't you ask what would make us happy?<br>
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': Nothing, nothing. You guys are great. I thought you guys might want some company, you know, to make you happy.<br>
  
Mr. Krabs: Ok, so how can I make you happy?<br>
+
'''Money''': Why don't you ask what would make us happy?<br>
  
Money: Spend us!<br>
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': OK, so how can I make you happy?<br>
  
Mr. Krabs: What?<br>
+
'''Money''': Spend us!<br>
  
Dime: We're money. It's in our nature.<br>
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': What?<br>
  
One-Dollar: I've been trapped in that safe for eight years. I always wanted to be spent on a fairy princess outfit.<br>
+
'''Dime''': We're money. It's in our nature.<br>
  
Mr. Krabs: What? No way.<br>
+
'''One-Dollar''': I've been trapped in that safe for eight years. I always wanted to be spent on a fairy princess outfit.<br>
  
Ten-Dollar: I want to be spent on corn dogs.<br>
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': What? No way.<br>
  
Five-Dollar: I want to be spent on diapers.<br>
+
'''Ten-Dollar''': I want to be spent on corn dogs.<br>
  
Money: Yeah, yeah, me too.<br>
+
'''Five-Dollar''': I want to be spent on diapers.<br>
  
Mr. Krabs: Oh, wait a minute. I am not spending you on corn dogs, diapers, or fairy princess outfits. (cut to the mall)<br>
+
'''Money''': (talking all at once) Yeah, yeah, me too.<br>
  
Clerk: Did you find everything ok?<br>
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': Oh, wait a minute. I am not spending you on corn dogs, diapers, or fairy princess outfits. (cut to the mall)<br>
  
Mr. Krabs: (dressed up in the outfits that the money were talking about) Unfortunately.<br>
+
'''Clerk''': Did you find everything OK?<br>
  
Money: All right! (Mr. Krabs cries)<br>
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': (dressed up in the outfits that the money were talking about) Unfortunately.<br>
  
SpongeBob: (dressed in same outfit as Mr. Krabs but it's blue) Mr. Krabs, lookin' good. (Mr. Krabs gasps and runs away)<br>
+
'''Money''': All right! (Mr. Krabs cries. SpongeBob walks up to Mr. Krabs, and he's wearing a periwinkle purple fairy princess outfit. SpongeBob is also in a diaper and eating a corn dog)<br>
  
'''Patrick''': (dressed in same outfit but it's green) What's wrong with Mr. Krabs?<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Mr. Krabs! Lookin' good!<br>
  
SpongeBob: I don't know. He's acting kind of weird. (cut back to Mr. Krabs' house)<br>
+
'''Patrick''': (he's dressed in same outfit but it's green) What's wrong with Mr. Krabs?<br>
  
Money: (moaning) Spend us. Spend us.<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': I don't know. He's acting kind of weird. (cut back to Mr. Krabs' house)<br>
  
Mr. Krabs: I can't spend all of you. And none of you want to be spent on stuff I want.<br>
+
'''Money''': (moaning) Spend us. Spend us.<br>
  
Money: Spend us.<br>
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': I can't spend all of you. And none of you want to be spent on stuff I want.<br>
  
Mr. Krabs: Ah, you're all shallow and self-absorbed. What did I ever see in you?<br>
+
'''Money''': Spend us.<br>
  
Money: Spend us.<br>
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': Ah, you're all shallow and self-absorbed. What did I ever see in you?<br>
  
Mr. Krabs: I'm not listening...<br>
+
'''Money''': Spend us.<br>
  
Money: Spend us.<br>
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': I'm not listening...<br>
  
Mr. Krabs: I'm not... (knock on door) SpongeBob?<br>
+
'''Money''': Spend us.<br>
  
SpongeBob: Hi, Mr. Krabs. I just came by to make sure you weren't, you know, totally insane.<br>
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': I'm not... (SpongeBob knocks on door. Mr. Krabs goes to see who it is and finds his employee) SpongeBob?<br>
  
Mr. Krabs: (chuckles) Take this bag as far away as possible and bury it. (closes door then nervously chuckles) What have I done? (opens door) Give me that back. (takes the bag of money and closes door again)<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': (he is now in his everyday clothes) Hi, Mr. Krabs. I just came by to make sure you weren't, you know, totally insane.<br>
  
SpongeBob: Ok Mr. Krabs, glad you're not insane. (cut to later)<br>
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': (chuckles) Take this bag as far away as possible and bury it. (closes door then nervously chuckles) What have I done? (opens door) Give me that back. (takes the bag of money and closes door again)<br>
  
Mr. Krabs: Dutchman, you cheated me. Take this horrible curse away! I want a refund.<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': OK Mr. Krabs, glad you're not insane. (bubble-wipe to later. A thunderstorm brews outside)<br>
  
Flying Dutchman: All sales are final from the Flying Dutchman, especially for a selfish shellfish like yourself. Try saying that three times fast. Your soul's going into me fanny pack of despair. (squeals) Now pay up. Huh? An I.O.U.(I Owe You)?<br>
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': Dutchman, you cheated me. Take this horrible curse away! I want a refund.<br>
  
Mr. Krabs: Hehe, yeah, well, I sort of sold my soul already.
+
'''Flying Dutchman''': All sales are final from the Flying Dutchman, especially for a selfish shellfish like yourself. Try saying that three times fast. Your soul's going into me fanny pack of despair. (squeals) Now pay up. Huh? (looks into the bag and pulls out a paper) An I.O.U. (I Owe You)?<br>
  
Flying Dutchman: What? To who?<br>
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': (chuckles nervously) Yeah, well, I sort of sold my soul already.
  
Mr. Krabs: To those guys. (points to some monsters beside him)<br>
+
'''Flying Dutchman''': What? To who?<br>
  
Monster: We were here first, pops.<br>
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': To those guys. (points to some monsters beside him)<br>
  
Monster #2: We've all god a claim on Krabs’ soul.<br>
+
'''Monster''': We were here first, pops.<br>
  
Monster: Get to the back of the line.<br>
+
'''Monster #2''': We've all got a claim on Krabs' soul.<br>
  
Mr. Krabs: Now, now, I'm sure we can sort this out. (Flying Dutchman moves to the back of the line behind SpongeBob)<br>
+
'''Monster''': Get to the back of the line.<br>
  
Flying Dutchman: You, too, SpongeBob?<br>
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': Now, now, I'm sure we can sort this out. (Flying Dutchman moves to the back of the line behind SpongeBob)<br>
  
SpongeBob: He was short five dollars on payday. (Flying Dutchman sighs)
+
'''Flying Dutchman''': You too, SpongeBob?<br>
  
{{Transcripts/Season 5}}
+
'''SpongeBob''': He was short five dollars on payday. (Flying Dutchman sighs)
  
 +
{{Transcripts/Season 5 Ver. 2}}
 
[[Category:Transcript]]
 
[[Category:Transcript]]
 
[[Category:Episode Transcripts/Season 5]]
 
[[Category:Episode Transcripts/Season 5]]

Latest revision as of 23:00, 12 April 2023

Back Episode Transcript Next Episode Transcript
Breath of Fresh Squidward SpongeBob vs. The Patty Gadget

Episode Article: Money Talks

[edit] Characters

[edit] Dialogue

(episode begins at the Krusty Krab)

SpongeBob: May I help you, sir?

Customer: I'd like that table over by the window. (points to the table behind him where an elderly couple is sitting)

SpongeBob: As soon as the present customers are done with it. They like to chew their food thoroughly.

Lady: 97... 98... 99...

Man: Don't rush me, woman!

Customer: Perhaps this will speed up the process. (shows him some money)

SpongeBob: How will that help them chew faster?

Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, what's the problem?

SpongeBob: No problem, I was just telling this customer he needed to wait for his favorite table.

Customer: Five bucks if I get the table now. (Mr. Krabs kicks out the elderly couple)

Lady: Ow, my hip.

Mr. Krabs: (ties a bib around the customer's neck) Enjoy your meal. Let me know if you need anything else.

SpongeBob: Why did you give him the table?

Mr. Krabs: You know what they say: "money talks". (kisses the money)

SpongeBob: I didn't know money could talk. Did it tell you to kick those old people out? (talking to money) What do you have against old people?

Mr. Krabs: Don't go goofy on me, boy. Money can't really talk. Only fish can talk.

SpongeBob: Wouldn't it be neat if money could talk?

Mr. Krabs: (chuckles) Yeah. Wait a minute...

Squidward: (music begins) What's that music?

SpongeBob: I think Mr. Krabs is gonna sing.

Squidward: Oh, great.

Music: If I Could Talk to Money

If I could talk to money,
How great my life would be.
We'd tell each other secrets,
All their friends would visit me.
I'd bathe in filthy riches,
Which is clean enough for me.
Oh, if you could tell me what you want,
How happy we would be.
We'd surely be the best of friends,
We'd never disagree.
There wouldn't be a downside,
Not one that I could see.
If I could talk to money,
Come along, sing with me.

Squidward: (spoken) Uh, no thanks. I got to go.

SpongeBob: (spoken) I really have to pee.

If I could talk to money,
And it could talk to me... 
We'd always be the best of friends,
For all eternity...

(Mr. Krabs chortles)

Patrick: (comes out of the bathroom) What did I miss?

Mr. Krabs: Oh... (starts to sing the song again, but customers walk away. Bubble-wipe to later that night at Mr. Krabs' house) Parlez vous Francais? ¿Hable Español? Oo-yay eak-spay ig-pay atin-lay? (uses stethoscope on money) Mm-hmm. (turns on a light over the money) Maybe this will make you talk. Talk! You're being too hard on the little guy. You can talk to me. I'm your friend. (cries) I would give anything to talk to money. Anything! (Flying Dutchman appears)

Flying Dutchman: Anything?

Mr. Krabs: You?

Flying Dutchman: That's right. 'Tis I, the ominous Flying Dutchman. I'll grant your wish but it'll cost you. (contract appears in front of Mr. Krabs)

Mr. Krabs: Yeah, yeah, my immortal soul. I've heard that speech before. (signs contract)

Flying Dutchman: Wha...? Well, uh, great. But be warned!

Mr. Krabs: Yeah, yeah, skip the lecture. I want what's coming to me.

Flying Dutchman: Humph, you're no fun at all, you know that? (gets out some magic dust from his pouch)

Mr. Krabs: Hey, is that pixie dust? (Flying Dutchman throws the dust in his eyes, causing him to scream. Wakes up) Whew, that was a strange dream.

Money: You think that was a strange dream? I dreamed I was trapped in a prison made of peanut butter.

Mr. Krabs: Who said that?

Money: Down here.

Mr. Krabs: (looks under his blanket and pulls out a nickel) Hey, it's a nickel. What were you doing in my belly button, little fella?

Nickel: I got stuck in there during your last coin shower. (shudders) I don't want to talk about it.

Mr. Krabs: (takes his wallet and takes out a five-dollar bill) Do you have anything to say to me?

Dollar Bill: Yeah, when was the last time you brushed your teeth?

Mr. Krabs: It worked! I can talk to money. Oh...

Nickel: Please, don't start singing again. (bubble-wipe to the next day, at the Krusty Krab)

Mr. Krabs: (entering) Don't worry, darlings. Soon you'll be rejoined with all your friends. (kisses his money)

Old Lady: Oh, my, why don't you kiss me like that?

Old Man: Don't start.

Squidward: That'll be five dollars. (puts money in register)

Five-Dollar Bill: Hey, dudes.

Money: Run, jump! Jump out! Jump out! (Mr. Krabs closes the register and chuckles)

Mr. Krabs: (opens up his safe) Good morning, my darlings.

Money: Good morning, Mr. Krabs.

Mr. Krabs: You're coming home with me.

Money: Yay!

Mr. Krabs: (walks by SpongeBob) SpongeBob, I did it. I can talk to money. (shows him a bag of money) Go ahead, say hello.

SpongeBob: Hello... money.

Mr. Krabs: (laughs) Oh, aren't they a riot? (walks out of the Krusty Krab)

SpongeBob: I'm starting to worry about Mr. Krabs.

Squidward: I'm worried he just left with my paycheck. (bubble-wipe to Mr. Krabs' house where he's on the floor with his money)

Mr. Krabs: Now that we're alone, let's tell each other secrets.

One-Dollar: What kind of secrets are you talking about?

Dime: Yeah, we live in a safe.

Money: Yeah!

Mr. Krabs: You have any friends you can invite over?

One-Dollar: Aren't we enough for you?

Dime: Yeah, what's wrong with us?

Money: Yeah!

Mr. Krabs: Nothing, nothing. You guys are great. I thought you guys might want some company, you know, to make you happy.

Money: Why don't you ask what would make us happy?

Mr. Krabs: OK, so how can I make you happy?

Money: Spend us!

Mr. Krabs: What?

Dime: We're money. It's in our nature.

One-Dollar: I've been trapped in that safe for eight years. I always wanted to be spent on a fairy princess outfit.

Mr. Krabs: What? No way.

Ten-Dollar: I want to be spent on corn dogs.

Five-Dollar: I want to be spent on diapers.

Money: (talking all at once) Yeah, yeah, me too.

Mr. Krabs: Oh, wait a minute. I am not spending you on corn dogs, diapers, or fairy princess outfits. (cut to the mall)

Clerk: Did you find everything OK?

Mr. Krabs: (dressed up in the outfits that the money were talking about) Unfortunately.

Money: All right! (Mr. Krabs cries. SpongeBob walks up to Mr. Krabs, and he's wearing a periwinkle purple fairy princess outfit. SpongeBob is also in a diaper and eating a corn dog)

SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs! Lookin' good!

Patrick: (he's dressed in same outfit but it's green) What's wrong with Mr. Krabs?

SpongeBob: I don't know. He's acting kind of weird. (cut back to Mr. Krabs' house)

Money: (moaning) Spend us. Spend us.

Mr. Krabs: I can't spend all of you. And none of you want to be spent on stuff I want.

Money: Spend us.

Mr. Krabs: Ah, you're all shallow and self-absorbed. What did I ever see in you?

Money: Spend us.

Mr. Krabs: I'm not listening...

Money: Spend us.

Mr. Krabs: I'm not... (SpongeBob knocks on door. Mr. Krabs goes to see who it is and finds his employee) SpongeBob?

SpongeBob: (he is now in his everyday clothes) Hi, Mr. Krabs. I just came by to make sure you weren't, you know, totally insane.

Mr. Krabs: (chuckles) Take this bag as far away as possible and bury it. (closes door then nervously chuckles) What have I done? (opens door) Give me that back. (takes the bag of money and closes door again)

SpongeBob: OK Mr. Krabs, glad you're not insane. (bubble-wipe to later. A thunderstorm brews outside)

Mr. Krabs: Dutchman, you cheated me. Take this horrible curse away! I want a refund.

Flying Dutchman: All sales are final from the Flying Dutchman, especially for a selfish shellfish like yourself. Try saying that three times fast. Your soul's going into me fanny pack of despair. (squeals) Now pay up. Huh? (looks into the bag and pulls out a paper) An I.O.U. (I Owe You)?

Mr. Krabs: (chuckles nervously) Yeah, well, I sort of sold my soul already.

Flying Dutchman: What? To who?

Mr. Krabs: To those guys. (points to some monsters beside him)

Monster: We were here first, pops.

Monster #2: We've all got a claim on Krabs' soul.

Monster: Get to the back of the line.

Mr. Krabs: Now, now, I'm sure we can sort this out. (Flying Dutchman moves to the back of the line behind SpongeBob)

Flying Dutchman: You too, SpongeBob?

SpongeBob: He was short five dollars on payday. (Flying Dutchman sighs)


Transcripts Episodes
Season 1 Season 1
Season 2 Season 2
Season 3 Season 3
Season 4 Season 4
Season 5 Season 5
Season 6 Season 6
Season 7 Season 7
Season 8 Season 8
Season 9 Season 9
Season 10 Season 10
Season 11 Season 11
Season 12 Season 12
Season 13 Season 13
Season 14 Season 14
Season 15 Season 15
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