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Episode Transcript: Mermaid Man vs. SpongeBob
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Episode Article: Mermaid Man vs SpongeBob
[edit] Characters
[edit] Dialogue
(episode begins with the familiar Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy whirlpool. Over it, the text "The Further Adventures of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy" zooms in)
Narrator: Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy have been captured by the evil Man Ray... (Man Ray laughs maniacally) ...tickled to the point of wetting themselves and sent on a conveyor belt of doom to their watery grave.
Mermaid Man: We cannot escape, Barnacle Boy. He's too strong. Like the unbeatable taste of a Krusty Kids meal. (Man Ray's maniacal laughter stops)
Man Ray: The delicious new treat no mortal can resist?
Barnacle Boy: Yup.
Man Ray: Ooh, I just love the little pip-squeak patty, small fries, and cold juice product.
Narrator: Of course you do, Man Ray.
Kids: (while the narrator is speaking) Yay!
Narrator: Everyone loves the new Krusty Kids Meal. (camera pans to reveal a Mermaid Man action figure. A spotlight appears as everything expect the action figure dims) And for a limited time, get your free toy inside.
Kids: (while the narrator is announcing the toy) Oooh!
Man Ray: (he is bound with chains) How can I be evil with flavors this good? (all laugh as the words "Only at the Krusty Krab" appear on screen)
Plankton: Krabs calls that a commercial? Who'd fall for that schlock? (pulls down his periscope) Say...something is going on over there. (a bunch of children are having fun and playing in the Krusty Krab while watching Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy on a big screen)
Squidward: The Krusty Krab welcomes... (reads the card in his hand) ...the Tarpon twins' birthday party. Here are your Krabby Kids Meals. (all the kids dive in and take Squidward with them)
Plankton: Never trust kids, Squidward. Never trust kids.
Mr. Krabs: Gotta hand it to ya, boy. Gettin' Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy to shill for me restaurant was a stroke of genius.
SpongeBob: All in the line of duty, Mr Krabs. (Squidward crawls over to the register with torn uniform) Isn't it great, Squidward?
Squidward: Great? Those little savages tried to kill me.
SpongeBob: Yeah, but it's soooooo worth it when you get to work in these. (shows his uniform which consists of red underwear and a disguise mask around his eyes)
Plankton: Stupid kid. Wait a minute, what's this? Karen? My own wife. (Karen is talking and laughing with Mr Krabs) Oh, how Krabs mocks me.
Karen: (opens doors to Chum Bucket) Hi, honey.
Plankton: What's that? A souvenir from your boyfriend, KRABS?!
Karen: Oh, pipe down. I just went to get you this happy hero box.
Plankton: Well... (jumps on top of the box) Thanks, babe, you're too good to me. (opens the box and gasps) A Mermaid Man action figure? And a Barnacle Boy eraser? (plays with the toys) Look at me, I'm Barnacle Boy. Look at me, I'm Mermaid Man. (hits the side of the box with Krabs' picture on it with one of his new toys) Krabs... (hits the side with Krabs' picture on it again with his other new toy. Begins using his new toys to hit the side with Krabs' picture, which changes expressions with every hit, on it while laughing maniacally. Stomps on the side with Krabs' picture) Sure...why didn't I think of this before? If Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy can build Krabs up, they can tear him down, too. (laughs maniacally. Bubble-wipe to Shady Shoals Rest Home) Ding dong. (door opens. Plankton is wearing a plaid, yellow shirt and a hat) Hello, boys. (Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy are snoring then wake up)
Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy: What? What-what?
Plankton: Down here, fellas!
Mermaid Man: Who are you?
Plankton: Oh, Professor Plankton. Door-to-door salesman. (gets out a card) My card.
Mermaid Man: (reads card) "Professor Plankton's Personal Products?"
Plankton: Saaaay, you two look like a couple of ladies' men, am I right? (shown an ugly side of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy) I knew it! Just look at that heroic chin. (Barnacle Boy's chin has zits and bumps in it) Those chiseled features. (Mermaid Man's ears has hair growing out of it and zits all over) That bra. But what's this? Dandruff?
Mermaid Man: I've got dandruff?
Plankton: You sure do. (pours laundry soap around his neck) See?
Mermaid Man: Oh, MYY! (looks at soap)
Plankton: (lifts up Barnacle Boy's hat but sees there is real dandruff under there) Eww. A couple of studs like you can't go around like this. Lucky for you, Dr Plankton's come prepared with "Professor Plankton's Dandruff Control Shampoo". (pulls out a green shampoo bottle with a picture of him on it. The bottle reads "Professor Plankton's Dandruff Control Shampoo." The word "Dandruff" is placed on a separate tag) A little of this stuff and the ladies will be breakin' down your door.
Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy: Sign us up, Professor.
Plankton: Wise decision, gentlemen. (rubs the shampoo into both of their scalps) Hey, what do we have here? You fellas look a little peaked. (both are now under Plankton's control) Hmm, this shouldn't be. I wonder. (tears off the dandruff tag a little on the shampoo bottle) Say, this isn't Professor Plankton's Dandruff Control Shampoo. (tears off the dandruff tag completely to reveal "Mind") It's Professor Plankton's Mind Control Shampoo! (laughs. Small text on the bottle reads "With Conditioner") With conditioner. Time to prepare for your next role, fellas. As my zombies. (laughs. Bubble-wipe to the Krusty Krab where there is a gigantic line outside and giant Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy balloons above the building)
Kids: (chanting) We want Mermaid Man! We want Barnacle Boy! (kids throw Squidward into the window then chant some more while throwing stuff around) We want Mermaid Man! We want Barnacle Boy! We want Mermaid Man! We want Barnacle..
Mr. Krabs: Uh, hey kids. Uh, well, there's Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy... in the ball room. (all the kids run inside the ball room and Mr. Krabs closes the door behind them to keep them inside) SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: Yes, sir.
Mr. Krabs: Go get those AWOL do-gooders you talked me into hiring and bring their putouts back here on the double.
SpongeBob: Aye aye, Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: Back you, back. (the broom he was using to keep the kids back is eaten. Bubble-wipe to Shady Shoals where all of the fish are either running or hiding in fear of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy's destruction of the place)
SpongeBob: Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy, please? And I'm kind of in a hurry. (Mermaid Man taps him on the shoulder) Aah! (Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy growl at him while under Plankton's control) Oh, my gosh! You guys live in a dump. But we don't have time for that right now. We gotta get you back to the Krusty Krab for your special appearance. I'll take you. (Mermaid Man takes SpongeBob’s hand and does the Spine Blaster on him) Wow, I haven't seen you do the Spine Blaster since... (Mermaid Man does the Spine Blaster on SpongeBob again) ...since episode 647... (Mermaid Man does the Spine Blaster on SpongeBob for a third time) ...when you blasted that guy's spine. (Mermaid Man does the Spine Blaster on SpongeBob for a fourth time) You still got it. (Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy drag SpongeBob off. Bubble-wipe to the Krusty Krab)
Perch Perkins: Perch Perkins here, live at the Krusty Krab. We're just moments away from an important press conference with Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy. I have with me here Eugene Krabs, owner of the restaurant. Any thoughts, Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: (muttering gibberish because of all the money in his pocket)
Perch Perkins: (chuckles) Oh, oh. We'll come back to you later. (SpongeBob comes crashing down through the ceiling)
SpongeBob: Ladies and gentlemen, I present.. Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy. (MM and BB crash through the side of the Krusty Krab. All the kids break through the ball room cage and run up to their heroes. But Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy throw them aside and go up to the press conference booths while the cameras flash)
Plankton: (hiding in Mermaid Man's right ear) Oh, boy... everyone in Bikini Bottom showed up! This is gonna be so sweet. (laughs maniacally)
Perch Perkins: Mermaid Man, what is your opinion of the Krabby Patty?
Plankton: Ooh, this is too easy. Now just tell everyone that... (whispers into his ear)
Mermaid Man: I, Mermaid Man, think that Krabby Patties are, uh... (long pause) what?
Plankton: They're terrible! You hate Krabby Patties.
Mermaid Man: I'm late for "Snappy Pabbies?" Barnacle Boy... we're late for... (snores)
Plankton: Oh, for crying out loud. (walks up to his ear drum) Tell them you hate Krabby Patties!!! (Mermaid Man snores then exhales. Plankton gets frustrated and goes through the ear canal)
Mermaid Man: What?
SpongeBob: (whispering) Mermaid Man. I got something to refresh your memory.
Mermaid Man: Ooh, a Krabby Patty. Would you look at that. Barnacle Boy, it's a Krabby Patty. Why these things are... (turns under the mind control again) ...evil! (everyone gasps. SpongeBob screams)
Fish: Susie, no! (slaps her patty away)
Mermaid Man: I hate these nasty things. (spits on it. SpongeBob becomes broken and cracks into pieces) And furthermore...
Plankton: (using a microphone to make Mermaid Man say what Plankton says) Let it be known that I, Mermaid Man, prefer the delicious food available at the Chum Bucket!
Mermaid Man: Our new favorite restaurant!
SpongeBob: The Chum Bucket? Plankton must be behind this.
Plankton: Yes! Yeeessssseesss! It's working. (laughs maniacally. The crowd is mumbling disgustedly and exit the Krusty Krab)
SpongeBob: Hold it right there. You forgot your Krabby Patties!
Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy: (drooling) Krabby Patties. Krabby Patties.
Plankton: Oh, no. Those infernal Krabby Patties. Their grease-fried deliciousness could be enough to free Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy. (Plankton turns a switch to slap Mermaid Man from eating a Krabby Patty. He makes him throw one away and then stomp on the other. Then they walk out but are stopped again by SpongeBob)
SpongeBob: Not so fast! You're not dealing with an ordinary fry cook. It's time for you to meet... (throws an exploding capsule on the ground) Fry Boy! Defender of... uh-oh! (notices his outfit is not on so he uses another exploding capsule to put on his suit) Fry Boy! Defender of the Krabby Patty! (Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy run after SpongeBob. SpongeBob throws the patties up into the air and hits them with his spatulas, sending them to Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy, but the heroes duck. SpongeBob stretches his arms around some coral and sends Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy back towards him. He trips them into the ground and makes them eat a Krabby Patty each) Yes! You lose, Plankton! Now watch as the Krabby Patties' wholesome flavors work their magic. (Barnacle Boy looks at his watch. Then he and Mermaid Man aggressively run to the Chum Bucket)
Plankton: I did it! I did it! Look at all these customers. (laughs evilly) In your face, Krabs. Yes!
Fish #2: So, uh... where's the food?
Plankton: (laughs evilly, then gasps) Food? Oh, yeah. Never thought I'd get this far. (goes into the kitchen)
SpongeBob: It doesn't make sense. They should have been cured once the pureness of the Krabby Patties entered their... that's it! Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy are elderly. Their poor aged tummies must be having a hard time digesting the food. I know just what to do. (crashes through the Chum Bucket's wall with a "fiber" truck and pours fiber into the heroes' mouths. Their stomachs digest the food and they go back to normal)
Mermaid Man: I'm back to my old self again. Thanks to you, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: And the delicious power of Krabby Patties.
Mermaid Man: Say, I could use a couple more of those, and an order of Krabby Fries.
Barnacle Boy: (walks out of the bathroom) And a decent latrine.
SpongeBob: Well, then, you guys know where to go!
SpongeBob, Mermaid Man, and Barnacle Boy: To the Krusty Krab, away! (everyone goes over to the Krusty Krab)
Plankton: Hey, everyone, I made Chummy Joes! (notices there aren't any customers; uncontrollably) BLAAAAAAAAHHH!!!
