Episode Transcript: Sing a Song of Patrick

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Episode Article: [[Sing a Song of Patrick]]
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Episode Article: [[Sing a Song of Patrick (Episode)|Sing a Song of Patrick]]
  
 
==Characters==
 
==Characters==
Line 18: Line 18:
  
 
==Dialogue==
 
==Dialogue==
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(episode begins with a shot of the whole town of Bikini Bottom. Camera pans in to show Patrick at Near Mint Comic Books, moved to tears by the comic, causing quite a ruckus)
  
(The first shot shows the whole town of Bikini Bottom. Pan in to show Patrick at a comic store, moved to tears by the comic, causing quite a ruckus.)
+
'''Patrick:''' Ah!!! No!!! No!!! (stops crying and starts cheering loudly) Yay!!! Ha-ha!!! Ha-ha!!!
  
Patrick: Ah!!! No!!! No!!!
+
'''Fish:''' If only "Inaudible Lad" were here right now.
  
(He stops crying and starts cheering loudly.)<br>
+
'''Patrick:''' Oh. (gobbles down the comic book) Nothing satisfies like a good story. (SpongeBob walks up to Patrick with a pile of 20-40 comic books. Patrick, however, can't see SpongeBob)
  
Patrick: Yay!!! Ha Ha!!! Ha Ha!!!<br>
+
'''SpongeBob:''' Are you ready to go, Patrick?
  
Fish #1: If only "Inaudible Lad" were here right now.<br>
+
'''Patrick:''' Ahh! Get back! I wasn't gonna eat all of you!
  
Patrick: Oh.<br>
+
'''SpongeBob:''' Patrick, it's me!
  
(He gobbles down the comic book.)<br>
+
'''Patrick:''' Sponge-! (he is cut off by a loud belch. An advertisement from the comic book blows onto SpongeBob's face)<br>
  
Patrick: Nothing satisfies like a good story.<br>
+
'''SpongeBob:''' What's this?
  
(SpongeBob walks up to Patrick with a pile of 20-40 comic books. But Patrick can't see SpongeBob.)<br>
+
'''Patrick:''' Whatever it is, it's mine! Unless I don't want it. (looks it over) Hmm... SpongeBob! What do all these words say?
  
SpongeBob: Are you ready to go, Patrick?<br>
+
'''SpongeBob:''' It's an ad! (reading) "Dear comic book reader..."
  
Patrick: Ahh! Get back! I wasn't gonna eat all of you!<br>
+
'''Patrick:''' That's me!
  
SpongeBob: Patrick, it's me!<br>
+
'''SpongeBob:''' ..."Have you ever thought about turning one of your poems into a hit song on the radio?"...
  
Patrick: Sponge-!!!<br>
+
'''Patrick:''' I've never thought about anything!
  
(He is cut off by a loud belch. An advertisement from the comic book blows onto SpongeBob's face.)<br>
+
'''SpongeBob:''' ..."Send in your poem and $100 and we'll make it a hit!" Can we go, now? My arms are getting tired.
  
SpongeBob: What's this?<br>
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'''Patrick:''' I wanna send in my poem and everyone would love it, and I would be a star!
  
Patrick: Whatever it is, it's mine! Unless I don't want it.
+
'''SpongeBob:''' You can't always trust ads in comic books. Those X-Ray specs I ordered couldn't see through people's skin at all. Only their clothes. Plus, you don't have $100. (his wallet falls out of his back pants pocket, and he struggles to reach for it with his legs) Patrick, could you get my wallet? (Patrick picks it up)
  
(He looks it over.)<br>
+
'''Patrick:''' Hey, look, I just found $100! It's a sign that I should make my hit record!
  
Patrick: Hmm... SpongeBob!!! What do all these words say?<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Hey, that's my comic book money!
  
SpongeBob: It's an ad! (Reading) "Dear comic book reader..."<br>
+
'''Patrick:''' It's a sign! A sign that fell from the back of your pants! I've learned to trust signs like that.
  
Patrick: That's me!!!<br>
+
'''SpongeBob:''' (as Patrick walks away) Patrick!
  
SpongeBob: ..."Have you ever thought about turning one of your poems into a hit song on the radio?"...<br>
+
'''Comic Book Shopkeeper:''' Hey, you gonna pay for those comics? (SpongeBob's arms pop off from the weight of the comics)
  
Patrick: I've never thought about anything!<br>
+
'''SpongeBob:''' No. (cut to outside where we see SpongeBob being kicked out of Near Mint Comic Books) Can I have my arms back? (bubble-wipe to Patrick standing outside SpongeBob's house, talking to him)
  
SpongeBob: ..."Send in your poem and $100 and we'll make it a hit!" Can we go, now? My arms are getting tired.<br>
+
'''Patrick:''' I wish not to be disturbed, SpongeBob. For I am about to erupt with masterpiece!
  
Patrick: I wanna send in my poem and everyone would love it, and I would be a star!<br>
+
'''SpongeBob:''' Good luck! (Patrick leaves and SpongeBob shuts the door. The doorbell rings) Coming! (Patrick opens the door, crushing SpongeBob behind it)
  
SpongeBob: You can't always trust ads in comic books. Those X-Ray specs I ordered couldn't see through people's skin at all. Only their clothes. Plus, you don't have $100.<br>
+
'''Patrick:''' SpongeBob! Can I borrow a pencil, and a piece of paper, and a place to work?(cut to other room) SpongeBob, this pencil is broken! Why won't it make words!?
  
(His wallet falls out of his back pants pocket, and he struggles to reach for it with his legs.)<br>
+
'''SpongeBob:''' You have to think of the words yourself.
  
SpongeBob: Patrick, could you get my wallet?<br>
+
'''Patrick:''' I think I wrote a poem once... (cross-fade to flashback to a younger smiling Patrick) A poem by Patrick Star. Roses are blue, violets are red, I have to go to the bathroom. (swallows paper and bows)
  
(Patrick picks it up.)<br>
+
'''Gym Teacher:''' (glaring) How many times do I have to tell ya Patrick, this is gym class?! (blows whistle. Young Patrick ducks as he gets pelted with dodgeballs)
  
Patrick: Hey, look, I just found $100! It's a sign that I should make my hit record!<br>
+
'''Patrick:''' Dodgeballs. (SpongeBob opens the door and walks in with what looks like a dodgeball)
  
SpongeBob: Hey, that's my comic book money!<br>
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'''SpongeBob:''' Oh, Patrick!
  
Patrick: It's a sign! A sign that fell from the back of your pants! I've learned to trust signs like that.<br>
+
'''Patrick:''' (screams) Don't hit me with that dodgeball! (light turns on. It is shown to be SpongeBob holding Gary)
  
SpongeBob: (As Patrick walks away) Patrick!<br>
+
'''SpongeBob:''' Why would I hit you with a dodgeball?
  
Comic Book Shopkeeper: Hey, you gonna pay for those comics?<br>
+
'''Patrick:''' I've never told anyone this, I wrote a poem once.
  
(SpongeBob's arms pop off from the weight of the comics.)<br>
+
'''SpongeBob:''' (gasps) No!
  
SpongeBob: No. (Cut outside where we see SpongeBob being kicked out of the "Near Mint Comic Books" store.) Can I have my arms back?<br>
+
'''Patrick:''' It gets worse, When I read it to the class, the pelted me with dodge balls, just because we were playing dodge ball! Why! (cries. Scary music plays; it's actually being played on a vinyl record that Gary is listening to. SpongeBob takes a needle off the record)
  
(Cut to Patrick standing outside SpongeBob's pineapple house, talking to him.)<br>
+
'''SpongeBob:''' You can play your records later, Gary. Is that why you've been having trouble writing?
  
Patrick: I wish not to be disturbed, SpongeBob. For I am about to erupt with masterpiece!<br>
+
'''Patrick:''' I'm afraid my poem's not gonna be any good and you'll pelt me with dodgeballs.
  
SpongeBob: Good luck!<br>
+
'''SpongeBob:''' Oh, I don't even own a dodgeball, do you, Gary?
  
(Patrick leaves and SpongeBob shuts the door. Then, the doorbell rings.)<br>
+
'''Gary:''' Meow.
  
SpongeBob: Coming!<br>
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'''Patrick:''' I'm going to write this poem, I'm even gonna use my brain!
  
(Patrick opens the door, crushing SpongeBob behind it.)<br>
+
'''SpongeBob:''' Good thinking, Pat. I'll open a window.
  
Patrick: SpongeBob! Can I borrow a pencil, and a piece of paper, and a place to work?(cut to other room) SpongeBob, this pencil is broken! Why won't it make words!?
+
'''Patrick:''' (strains on his brain) Come on, work you stupid brain! Work! Work! (grunting. Gears start turning inside his head) It's working (starts writing. Smoke comes out of the window)
  
SpongeBob: You have to think of the words yourself.
+
'''SpongeBob:''' Patrick, don't strain yourself!
  
Patrick: I think I wrote a poem once... (cut to flashback to a younger smiling Patrick) A poem by Patrick Star. Roses are blue, violets are red, I have to go to the bathroom. (swallows paper  and bows)
+
'''Squidward:''' Now what's going on? (nose shrivels up) What is that horrible smell? (SpongeBob walks outside) Is Patrick thinking again? (Patrick sticks head out window)
  
Gym teacher: (Glaring) How many times do I have to tell ya Patrick, this is gym class?! (blows whistle. Young Patrick ducks as he gets pelted with Dodge balls)
+
'''Patrick:''' I'm making art!
  
Patrick: Dodge balls. (SpongeBob opens the door, walks in with what looks like a dodge ball)
+
'''Squidward:''' Patrick, it smells like something crawled in your brain and died!
  
SpongeBob: Oh, Patrick!
+
'''Patrick:''' That's the creative progress at work. (Squidward shuts window) Ready to go to the post office? (shows envelope full of something rotten, watery and bad) I want to mail in my masterpiece. (time card appears)
  
Patrick: (screams) Don't hit me with that dodge ball! (light turns on, pan over to see SpongeBob holding Gary)
+
'''French Narrator:''' ''The next day...'' (cut to Bigshot Records)
  
SpongeBob: Why would I hit you with a Dodge ball?
+
'''Singer #1:''' (singing) ...and that's why you're my cookie wooky teddy bear. (music stops)
  
Patrick: I've never told anyone this, I wrote a poem once.
+
'''Singer #2:''' I hate my life.
  
SpongeBob: (gasps) No!
+
'''Singer #3:''' I hate your life, too.
  
Patrick: It gets worse, When I read it to the class, the pelted me with dodge balls, just because we were playing dodge ball! Why! (cries, scary music plays, SpongeBob takes needle off record)
+
'''Manager:''' People, we've got 17 more songs to finish this hour! The next one is "I Wrote This" by Patrick Star. (vomits a little, band member takes paper)
  
SpongeBob: You can play your records later, Gary. Is that why you've been having trouble writing?
+
'''Singer #4:''' This one's really bad! It made my eyeballs throw up.
  
Patrick: I'm afraid my poem's not gonna be any good and you'll pelt me with dodge balls.
+
'''Singer #1:''' Oh yeah? (eyeballs explode)
  
SpongeBob: Oh, I don't even own a dodge ball, do you, Gary?
+
'''Manager:''' I don't care how awful his poem is; We spent his hundred bucks already!
  
Gary: Meow.
+
'''Singer #1:''' C'mon guys, we're gonna do this if it kills us. And a one, and a two, and a... (cut to band's funeral. SpongeBob, Patrick, and Fish #1 are there)
  
Patrick: I'm going to write this poem, I'm even gonna use my brain!
+
'''Funeral Fish:''' They wanted you to have this. (hands Patrick his song)
  
SpongeBob: Good thinking, Pat. I'll open a window.
+
'''Patrick:''' My song!! Woot!! (bubble-wipe to SpongeBob's house)
  
Patrick: (strains on his brain) Come on, work you stupid brain! Work! Work! (grunting, gears start turning inside his head) It's working (starts writing, smoke comes out of the window)
+
'''SpongeBob:''' Come on let's hear it.
  
SpongeBob: Patrick don't strain yourself!
+
'''Patrick:''' Oh I don't know. Can I trust that you won't throw dodgeballs at me?
  
Squidward: Now what's going on? (nose shrivels up) What is that horrible smell? (SpongeBob walks outside) Is Patrick thinking again? (Patrick sticks head out window)
+
'''SpongeBob:''' I see no dodgeballs here buddy, just an artist and his work.
  
Patrick: I'm making art!!!
+
'''Patrick:''' Yeah! And me! Now sit down and get comfortable. (SpongeBob sits down. Patrick pushes in a giant amplifier)
  
Squidward: Patrick, it smells like something crawled in your brain and died!
+
'''SpongeBob:''' Uh, Patrick?
  
Patrick: That's the creative progress at work. (Squidward shuts window) Ready to go to the post office? (shows envelope full of something rotten, watery and bad) I want to mail in my masterpiece.  
+
'''Patrick:''' (he's standing on the amplifier) SpongeBob SquarePants, are you ready to rock?! Whoo! (jumps from the amplifier. SpongeBob screams. Lands next to SpongeBob. Pushes button on remote. Loud music starts)
  
Narrator: The next day...(cut to Bigshot records)
+
'''SpongeBob:''' It's really loud!!!
  
Singer #1: ...(Singing) and that's why you're my cookie wooky teddy bear.(music stops)
+
'''Patrick:''' You want it louder? Okay!!
  
Singer #2: I hate my life.
+
'''Music:''' [[I Wrote This]]
  
Singer #3: I hate your life, too.
+
Twinkle, twinkle, Patrick Star.
  
Manager: People, we've got 17 more songs to finish this hour! The next one is "I Wrote This" by Patrick Star. (vomits a little, band member takes paper)
+
I made myself a sandwich.
 +
My mommy named it ''[[Fred]]''.
 +
It tastes like beans and bacon,
 +
And smells like it's been dead!
 +
Writing stuff is hard,
 +
So I use a pointy pencil.
  
Singer #4: This one's really bad! It made my eyeballs throw up.
+
Pointy, pointy, pointy,
 +
pointy, pointy, point.
  
Singer #1: Oh yeah? (eyeballs explode)
+
P.U.! What's that horrible smell?
 +
Drum solo!
 +
(drum solo)
 +
I have a head, It ends in a point.
  
Manager: I don't care how awful his poem is; We spent his hundred bucks already!!!
+
Pointy, pointy, pointy.
 +
Pointy, pointy, point.
  
Singer #1: C'mon guys, we're gonna do this if it kills us. And a one, and a two, and a... (cut to band's funeral. SpongeBob, Patrick, and Fish #1 are there.)
+
This song is over except for this line.
 +
You win this round, Broccoli...!
 +
(explosion)
  
Fish #1: They wanted you to have this. (hands Patrick his song)
+
(house melts. The amplifier falls on SpongeBob and Patrick)
  
Patrick: My song!! Woot!! (Scene cuts to SpongeBob's house)
+
'''Patrick:''' That was AWESOME! So how was it, did you like it, or did you really like it?
  
SpongeBob: Come on let's hear it.
+
'''SpongeBob:''' Oh, well Patrick, there is no easy way to say this... THAT WAS THE GREATEST SONG I EVER HEARD!
  
Patrick: Oh I don't know. Can I trust that you won't throw dodgeballs at me?
+
'''Patrick:''' You really mean it?
  
SpongeBob: I see no dodgeballs here buddy, just an artist and his work.
+
'''SpongeBob:''' Yeah, we gotta get that on the radio! (Patrick pulls SpongeBob's arm off) Darn, I just got that arm back. (bubble-wipe to a radio station named K-Blub)
  
Patrick: Yeah! And me! Now sit down and get comfortable. (SpongeBob sits down, Patrick pushes in giant amplifier)
+
'''Patrick:''' Man, I can't wait to see the look on their face when they hear this! (someone screams. SpongeBob and Patrick get thrown out)
  
SpongeBob: Uh, Patrick?
+
'''SpongeBob:''' Did you see the look on his face?
  
Patrick: SpongeBob SquarePants, are you ready to rock?!? Whoo! (Jumps from amplifier)
+
'''Patrick:''' Yeah. Did you see his ears?
  
SpongeBob: Ahhh!
+
'''SpongeBob:''' I didn't know they could turn inside-out like that. Now how are we gonna get your record on the radio?
  
(Patrick lands next to SpongeBob, pushes button on remote, loud music starts)
+
'''Patrick:''' What record?
  
SpongeBob: It's really loud!!!
+
'''SpongeBob:''' I've got an idea! (bubble-wipe to later where SpongeBob and Patrick are on the roof. Wind howls as SpongeBob and Patrick shiver) We just have to play your record from the top of this antenna.
  
Patrick: You want it louder? Okay!!
+
'''Patrick:''' Carry me?
  
==Song:Rhapsody in Blue ==
+
'''SpongeBob:''' Huh? Patrick-- (Patrick lands on top of SpongeBob and SpongeBob picks him up, struggling)
  
(house melts, amplifier falls on SpongeBob and Patrick)
+
'''Patrick:''' Tally ho! Marsh! Onward and upward! (SpongeBob is struggling to get to the top of the antenna) Faster, SpongeBob! Faster! (sees a spaceship go by. Eventually, they are on the top of the antenna. Stands on SpongeBob's face, takes out his record player and then puts it on the top of the antenna but record player wobbles and falls off and Patrick catches it) Oh! Hmm-- This record won't stay put. (SpongeBob mumbles to say something) Good idea. (takes out bubble gum and throws it in his mouth and chews on it, while making noises and he blows a bubble. SpongeBob mumbles again to say something. Bubble pops and sticks to Patrick's mouth) Oh, yeah. I forgot. (pulls gum off and sticks it to the bottom of the record player and puts it on the top of the antenna and turns on the music. A fish is walking past a radio in a store)
  
Patrick: That was AWSOME! So how was it, did you like it, or did you really like it?
+
'''Eban Schletter on the radio:''' (singing the poem) Twinkle, twinkle, Patrick Star--
  
SpongeBob: oh, well Patrick, they're is no easy way to say this..... THAT WAS THE GREATEST SONG I EVER HEARD!
+
(a fish screams. Another fish is driving a boat)
  
Patrick: You really mean it?
+
(fast forward noise) --I made myself a sandwich. My mommy named it ''Fred''--
  
SpongeBob: Yeah, we gotta get that on the radio!(Patrick pulls SpongeBob's arm off) Darn, I just got that arm back. (cut to radio station)
+
'''Fish #2:''' (screams) It's in my head! (continues screaming as boat spins around and crashes)
  
Patrick: Man, I can't Wait to see the look on their face when they hear this!!(someone screams, SpongeBob and Patrick thrown out)
+
'''Eban Schletter on the radio:''' --It tastes like beans and bacon, And smells like it's been dead!
  
SpongeBob: Did you see the look on his face?
+
(two fish are walking around, listening to music)
  
Patrick: Yeah. Did you see his ears?
+
Writing stuff is hard, So I use a pointy pencil--
  
SpongeBob: I didn't know they could turn inside-out like that. Now how are we gonna get your record on the radio?
+
(Fish #3's head disappears)
  
Patrick: What record?
+
'''Fish #4:''' Lucky.
  
SpongeBob: I've got an idea![cut to later where SpongeBob and Patrick are on the roof] [wind howls as SpongeBob and Patrick shiver] We just have to play your record from the top of this antenna.
+
'''Eban Schletter on the radio:''' --Pointy, pointy, pointy, pointy, pointy, point--
  
Patrick: Carry me?
+
'''Fish #5:''' (to his girlfriend, Evelyn; both are at the beach as the song on the radio plays) This song always makes me think of you.
  
SpongeBob: Huh? Patrick-- [Patrick lands on top of SpongeBob and SpongeBob picks him up, struggling]
+
'''Eban Schletter on the radio:''' --P.U.! What's that horrible smell? Drum solo!
  
Patrick: Tally ho! Marsh! Onward and upward! [SpongeBob is struggling to get to the top of the antenna] Faster, SpongeBob! Faster! [Patrick sees a spaceship go by. At last, they were on the top of the antenna. Patrick stands on SpongeBob's face, takes out his record player and then puts it on the top of the antenna but record player wobbles and falls off and Patrick catches it] Oh! Hmm-- This record won't stay put.
+
(drum solo follows as Evelyn hits her boyfriend, who goes up high. Everyone screams and runs around because of the song. Two fish tip the boat over)
  
SpongeBob: [mumbling to say something]
+
'''Fish #6:''' Stop!
  
Patrick: Good idea. [takes out bubble gum and throws it in his mouth and chews on it, while making noises and he blows a bubble]
+
'''Eban Schletter on the radio:''' --I have a head, It ends in a point--
  
SpongeBob: [mumbling to say something] [bubble pops and sticks to Patrick's mouth]
+
'''Pilot #1:''' (covering his ears) My ears! (they pull the controls off and jump out of the plane with parachutes)
  
Patrick: Oh, yeah. I forgot. [pulls gum off and sticks it to the bottom of the record player and puts it on the top of the antenna and turns on the music] [a fish is walking past a radio in a store]
+
'''Eban Schletter on the radio:''' --Pointy, pointy, pointy. Pointy, pointy, point--
  
Rhapsody in Blue
+
(the plane lands into the Fireworks Storage and it explodes and fireworks start)
  
SpongeBob: Well, it looks like Bikini Bottom is throwing a party. and you know what a party needs.
+
--This song is over except for this line--
  
Patrick: Uh, Bean Dip?
+
'''Old Man Jenkins:''' I like it. (hums the song)
  
SpongeBob: Yes, that is important. but I was thinking about music! Turn it up, Patrick! [Patrick turns the volume up]
+
'''Eban Schletter on the radio:''' --You win this round, Broccoli...!  
  
Rhapsody in Blue
+
(song ends but begins again. SpongeBob and Patrick see that Bikini Bottom's having a "party")
  
SpongeBob: Look at that, Patrick! [the angry mob is coming]
+
'''SpongeBob:''' Well, it looks like Bikini Bottom is throwing a party. and you know what a party needs.
  
Patrick: Oh, you mean the angry mob with the pitchforks and torches?
+
'''Patrick:''' Uh, Bean Dip?
  
SpongeBob: [laughs] That's not an angry mob, Patrick. It's your fan club!
+
'''SpongeBob:''' Yes, that is important. but I was thinking about music! Turn it up, Patrick! (Patrick turns the volume up)
  
Patrick: Fan club? [song ends as the angry mob chatters indistinctly] Yee-whoo! We should sing them a song!
+
'''Eban Schletter on the radio:''' It tastes like beans and bacon--
  
Fred: Who's responsible for that song on the radio? [SpongeBob and Patrick jump off the roof]
+
'''Fred:''' (covering his ears) Where is that awful song coming from?
  
SpongeBob: Why, he's right here. Patrick Star, Musical Genius. [Patrick drones and burps]
+
'''Eban Schletter on the radio:''' --And smells like it's been dead--
  
Fred: Let's get them, boys! [they start chasing them. they beat them up but SpongeBob and Patrick play with instruments wildly. Patrick plays with a guitar, while SpongeBob plays with a chainsaw and a tambourine. they pant heavily]
+
'''Fred:''' (points to the radio station) To the radio station! (everyone marches angrily to the radio station. Lou is selling torches)
  
Patrick: And that was my new song called-- Arrgh!
+
'''Lou:''' Torches! Get your torches! (everyone gets a torch. Another vendor is selling pitchforks)
  
Fred: You know, It's not that bad.
+
'''Pitchfork Vendor:''' Pitchforks! You can't be an angry mob without pitchforks! (everyone gets a pitchfork. A third vendor is selling cotton candy)
  
Fish #3: Yeah. At least it got that first terrible song out of our heads.
+
'''Cotton Candy Vendor:''' Cotton candy! Get your cotton candy! You can't throw a riot without cotton candy. (everyone misses the cotton candy. SpongeBob and Patrick climb down the antenna)
  
Patrick: Oh, yeah. My song. [strums his guitar] Oh, Twinkle, Twinkle, Patrick Star-- [they hear a whistle blow and it was Patrick's gym teacher from the childhood]
+
'''Eban Schletter on the radio:''' --I have a head, It ends in a point--
  
Gym Teacher: PATRICK! Looks like you need another lesson! DODGEBALLS READY! [everyone gets out a dodgeball]
+
'''SpongeBob:''' Look at that, Patrick! (the angry mob is coming)
  
Patrick: Uh-oh. [everyone starts throwing dodgeballs at SpongeBob and Patrick who take cover]
+
'''Patrick:''' Oh, you mean the angry mob with the pitchforks and torches?
  
 +
'''SpongeBob:''' (laughs) That's not an angry mob, Patrick. It's your fan club!
  
{{Transcripts/Season 5}}
+
'''Patrick:''' Fan club? (song ends as the angry mob chatters indistinctly) Yee-whoo! We should sing them a song!
  
 +
'''Fred:''' Who's responsible for that song on the radio? (SpongeBob and Patrick jump off the roof)
 +
 +
'''SpongeBob:''' Why, he's right here. Patrick Star, Musical Genius. (Patrick drones and burps)
 +
 +
'''Fred:''' Let's get them, boys! (they start chasing them. they beat them up but SpongeBob and Patrick play with instruments wildly. Patrick plays with a guitar, while SpongeBob plays with a chainsaw and a tambourine. They pant heavily)
 +
 +
'''Patrick:''' And that was my new song called: "[[Cold Argh|Arrgh]]!"
 +
 +
'''Fred:''' You know, It's not that bad.
 +
 +
'''Fish #3:''' Yeah. At least it got that first terrible song out of our heads.
 +
 +
'''Patrick:''' Oh, yeah. My song. (strums his guitar) Oh, Twinkle, Twinkle, Patrick Star-- (they hear a whistle blow. It is Patrick's gym teacher from his childhood)
 +
 +
'''Gym Teacher:''' PATRICK! Looks like you need another lesson! DODGEBALLS READY! (everyone gets out a dodgeball)
 +
 +
'''Patrick:''' Uh-oh. (everyone starts throwing dodgeballs at SpongeBob and Patrick who take cover)
 +
 +
{{Transcripts/Season 5 Ver. 2}}
 
[[Category:Transcript]]
 
[[Category:Transcript]]
 
[[Category:Episode Transcripts/Season 5]]
 
[[Category:Episode Transcripts/Season 5]]

Latest revision as of 09:34, 22 August 2023

Back Episode Transcript Next Episode Transcript
The Krusty Sponge A Flea in Her Dome

Episode Article: Sing a Song of Patrick

[edit] Characters

[edit] Dialogue

(episode begins with a shot of the whole town of Bikini Bottom. Camera pans in to show Patrick at Near Mint Comic Books, moved to tears by the comic, causing quite a ruckus)

Patrick: Ah!!! No!!! No!!! (stops crying and starts cheering loudly) Yay!!! Ha-ha!!! Ha-ha!!!

Fish: If only "Inaudible Lad" were here right now.

Patrick: Oh. (gobbles down the comic book) Nothing satisfies like a good story. (SpongeBob walks up to Patrick with a pile of 20-40 comic books. Patrick, however, can't see SpongeBob)

SpongeBob: Are you ready to go, Patrick?

Patrick: Ahh! Get back! I wasn't gonna eat all of you!

SpongeBob: Patrick, it's me!

Patrick: Sponge-! (he is cut off by a loud belch. An advertisement from the comic book blows onto SpongeBob's face)

SpongeBob: What's this?

Patrick: Whatever it is, it's mine! Unless I don't want it. (looks it over) Hmm... SpongeBob! What do all these words say?

SpongeBob: It's an ad! (reading) "Dear comic book reader..."

Patrick: That's me!

SpongeBob: ..."Have you ever thought about turning one of your poems into a hit song on the radio?"...

Patrick: I've never thought about anything!

SpongeBob: ..."Send in your poem and $100 and we'll make it a hit!" Can we go, now? My arms are getting tired.

Patrick: I wanna send in my poem and everyone would love it, and I would be a star!

SpongeBob: You can't always trust ads in comic books. Those X-Ray specs I ordered couldn't see through people's skin at all. Only their clothes. Plus, you don't have $100. (his wallet falls out of his back pants pocket, and he struggles to reach for it with his legs) Patrick, could you get my wallet? (Patrick picks it up)

Patrick: Hey, look, I just found $100! It's a sign that I should make my hit record!

SpongeBob: Hey, that's my comic book money!

Patrick: It's a sign! A sign that fell from the back of your pants! I've learned to trust signs like that.

SpongeBob: (as Patrick walks away) Patrick!

Comic Book Shopkeeper: Hey, you gonna pay for those comics? (SpongeBob's arms pop off from the weight of the comics)

SpongeBob: No. (cut to outside where we see SpongeBob being kicked out of Near Mint Comic Books) Can I have my arms back? (bubble-wipe to Patrick standing outside SpongeBob's house, talking to him)

Patrick: I wish not to be disturbed, SpongeBob. For I am about to erupt with masterpiece!

SpongeBob: Good luck! (Patrick leaves and SpongeBob shuts the door. The doorbell rings) Coming! (Patrick opens the door, crushing SpongeBob behind it)

Patrick: SpongeBob! Can I borrow a pencil, and a piece of paper, and a place to work?(cut to other room) SpongeBob, this pencil is broken! Why won't it make words!?

SpongeBob: You have to think of the words yourself.

Patrick: I think I wrote a poem once... (cross-fade to flashback to a younger smiling Patrick) A poem by Patrick Star. Roses are blue, violets are red, I have to go to the bathroom. (swallows paper and bows)

Gym Teacher: (glaring) How many times do I have to tell ya Patrick, this is gym class?! (blows whistle. Young Patrick ducks as he gets pelted with dodgeballs)

Patrick: Dodgeballs. (SpongeBob opens the door and walks in with what looks like a dodgeball)

SpongeBob: Oh, Patrick!

Patrick: (screams) Don't hit me with that dodgeball! (light turns on. It is shown to be SpongeBob holding Gary)

SpongeBob: Why would I hit you with a dodgeball?

Patrick: I've never told anyone this, I wrote a poem once.

SpongeBob: (gasps) No!

Patrick: It gets worse, When I read it to the class, the pelted me with dodge balls, just because we were playing dodge ball! Why! (cries. Scary music plays; it's actually being played on a vinyl record that Gary is listening to. SpongeBob takes a needle off the record)

SpongeBob: You can play your records later, Gary. Is that why you've been having trouble writing?

Patrick: I'm afraid my poem's not gonna be any good and you'll pelt me with dodgeballs.

SpongeBob: Oh, I don't even own a dodgeball, do you, Gary?

Gary: Meow.

Patrick: I'm going to write this poem, I'm even gonna use my brain!

SpongeBob: Good thinking, Pat. I'll open a window.

Patrick: (strains on his brain) Come on, work you stupid brain! Work! Work! (grunting. Gears start turning inside his head) It's working (starts writing. Smoke comes out of the window)

SpongeBob: Patrick, don't strain yourself!

Squidward: Now what's going on? (nose shrivels up) What is that horrible smell? (SpongeBob walks outside) Is Patrick thinking again? (Patrick sticks head out window)

Patrick: I'm making art!

Squidward: Patrick, it smells like something crawled in your brain and died!

Patrick: That's the creative progress at work. (Squidward shuts window) Ready to go to the post office? (shows envelope full of something rotten, watery and bad) I want to mail in my masterpiece. (time card appears)

French Narrator: The next day... (cut to Bigshot Records)

Singer #1: (singing) ...and that's why you're my cookie wooky teddy bear. (music stops)

Singer #2: I hate my life.

Singer #3: I hate your life, too.

Manager: People, we've got 17 more songs to finish this hour! The next one is "I Wrote This" by Patrick Star. (vomits a little, band member takes paper)

Singer #4: This one's really bad! It made my eyeballs throw up.

Singer #1: Oh yeah? (eyeballs explode)

Manager: I don't care how awful his poem is; We spent his hundred bucks already!

Singer #1: C'mon guys, we're gonna do this if it kills us. And a one, and a two, and a... (cut to band's funeral. SpongeBob, Patrick, and Fish #1 are there)

Funeral Fish: They wanted you to have this. (hands Patrick his song)

Patrick: My song!! Woot!! (bubble-wipe to SpongeBob's house)

SpongeBob: Come on let's hear it.

Patrick: Oh I don't know. Can I trust that you won't throw dodgeballs at me?

SpongeBob: I see no dodgeballs here buddy, just an artist and his work.

Patrick: Yeah! And me! Now sit down and get comfortable. (SpongeBob sits down. Patrick pushes in a giant amplifier)

SpongeBob: Uh, Patrick?

Patrick: (he's standing on the amplifier) SpongeBob SquarePants, are you ready to rock?! Whoo! (jumps from the amplifier. SpongeBob screams. Lands next to SpongeBob. Pushes button on remote. Loud music starts)

SpongeBob: It's really loud!!!

Patrick: You want it louder? Okay!!

Music: I Wrote This

Twinkle, twinkle, Patrick Star.
I made myself a sandwich.
My mommy named it Fred.
It tastes like beans and bacon,
And smells like it's been dead!
Writing stuff is hard,
So I use a pointy pencil.
Pointy, pointy, pointy,
pointy, pointy, point.
P.U.! What's that horrible smell?
Drum solo!
(drum solo)
I have a head, It ends in a point.
Pointy, pointy, pointy.
Pointy, pointy, point.
This song is over except for this line.
You win this round, Broccoli...!
(explosion)

(house melts. The amplifier falls on SpongeBob and Patrick)

Patrick: That was AWESOME! So how was it, did you like it, or did you really like it?

SpongeBob: Oh, well Patrick, there is no easy way to say this... THAT WAS THE GREATEST SONG I EVER HEARD!

Patrick: You really mean it?

SpongeBob: Yeah, we gotta get that on the radio! (Patrick pulls SpongeBob's arm off) Darn, I just got that arm back. (bubble-wipe to a radio station named K-Blub)

Patrick: Man, I can't wait to see the look on their face when they hear this! (someone screams. SpongeBob and Patrick get thrown out)

SpongeBob: Did you see the look on his face?

Patrick: Yeah. Did you see his ears?

SpongeBob: I didn't know they could turn inside-out like that. Now how are we gonna get your record on the radio?

Patrick: What record?

SpongeBob: I've got an idea! (bubble-wipe to later where SpongeBob and Patrick are on the roof. Wind howls as SpongeBob and Patrick shiver) We just have to play your record from the top of this antenna.

Patrick: Carry me?

SpongeBob: Huh? Patrick-- (Patrick lands on top of SpongeBob and SpongeBob picks him up, struggling)

Patrick: Tally ho! Marsh! Onward and upward! (SpongeBob is struggling to get to the top of the antenna) Faster, SpongeBob! Faster! (sees a spaceship go by. Eventually, they are on the top of the antenna. Stands on SpongeBob's face, takes out his record player and then puts it on the top of the antenna but record player wobbles and falls off and Patrick catches it) Oh! Hmm-- This record won't stay put. (SpongeBob mumbles to say something) Good idea. (takes out bubble gum and throws it in his mouth and chews on it, while making noises and he blows a bubble. SpongeBob mumbles again to say something. Bubble pops and sticks to Patrick's mouth) Oh, yeah. I forgot. (pulls gum off and sticks it to the bottom of the record player and puts it on the top of the antenna and turns on the music. A fish is walking past a radio in a store)

Eban Schletter on the radio: (singing the poem) Twinkle, twinkle, Patrick Star--

(a fish screams. Another fish is driving a boat)

(fast forward noise) --I made myself a sandwich. My mommy named it Fred--

Fish #2: (screams) It's in my head! (continues screaming as boat spins around and crashes)

Eban Schletter on the radio: --It tastes like beans and bacon, And smells like it's been dead!

(two fish are walking around, listening to music)

Writing stuff is hard, So I use a pointy pencil-- 

(Fish #3's head disappears)

Fish #4: Lucky.

Eban Schletter on the radio: --Pointy, pointy, pointy, pointy, pointy, point--

Fish #5: (to his girlfriend, Evelyn; both are at the beach as the song on the radio plays) This song always makes me think of you.

Eban Schletter on the radio: --P.U.! What's that horrible smell? Drum solo!

(drum solo follows as Evelyn hits her boyfriend, who goes up high. Everyone screams and runs around because of the song. Two fish tip the boat over)

Fish #6: Stop!

Eban Schletter on the radio: --I have a head, It ends in a point--

Pilot #1: (covering his ears) My ears! (they pull the controls off and jump out of the plane with parachutes)

Eban Schletter on the radio: --Pointy, pointy, pointy. Pointy, pointy, point-- 

(the plane lands into the Fireworks Storage and it explodes and fireworks start)

--This song is over except for this line--

Old Man Jenkins: I like it. (hums the song)

Eban Schletter on the radio: --You win this round, Broccoli...! 

(song ends but begins again. SpongeBob and Patrick see that Bikini Bottom's having a "party")

SpongeBob: Well, it looks like Bikini Bottom is throwing a party. and you know what a party needs.

Patrick: Uh, Bean Dip?

SpongeBob: Yes, that is important. but I was thinking about music! Turn it up, Patrick! (Patrick turns the volume up)

Eban Schletter on the radio: It tastes like beans and bacon--

Fred: (covering his ears) Where is that awful song coming from?

Eban Schletter on the radio: --And smells like it's been dead--

Fred: (points to the radio station) To the radio station! (everyone marches angrily to the radio station. Lou is selling torches)

Lou: Torches! Get your torches! (everyone gets a torch. Another vendor is selling pitchforks)

Pitchfork Vendor: Pitchforks! You can't be an angry mob without pitchforks! (everyone gets a pitchfork. A third vendor is selling cotton candy)

Cotton Candy Vendor: Cotton candy! Get your cotton candy! You can't throw a riot without cotton candy. (everyone misses the cotton candy. SpongeBob and Patrick climb down the antenna)

Eban Schletter on the radio: --I have a head, It ends in a point--

SpongeBob: Look at that, Patrick! (the angry mob is coming)

Patrick: Oh, you mean the angry mob with the pitchforks and torches?

SpongeBob: (laughs) That's not an angry mob, Patrick. It's your fan club!

Patrick: Fan club? (song ends as the angry mob chatters indistinctly) Yee-whoo! We should sing them a song!

Fred: Who's responsible for that song on the radio? (SpongeBob and Patrick jump off the roof)

SpongeBob: Why, he's right here. Patrick Star, Musical Genius. (Patrick drones and burps)

Fred: Let's get them, boys! (they start chasing them. they beat them up but SpongeBob and Patrick play with instruments wildly. Patrick plays with a guitar, while SpongeBob plays with a chainsaw and a tambourine. They pant heavily)

Patrick: And that was my new song called: "Arrgh!"

Fred: You know, It's not that bad.

Fish #3: Yeah. At least it got that first terrible song out of our heads.

Patrick: Oh, yeah. My song. (strums his guitar) Oh, Twinkle, Twinkle, Patrick Star-- (they hear a whistle blow. It is Patrick's gym teacher from his childhood)

Gym Teacher: PATRICK! Looks like you need another lesson! DODGEBALLS READY! (everyone gets out a dodgeball)

Patrick: Uh-oh. (everyone starts throwing dodgeballs at SpongeBob and Patrick who take cover)


Transcripts Episodes
Season 1 Season 1
Season 2 Season 2
Season 3 Season 3
Season 4 Season 4
Season 5 Season 5
Season 6 Season 6
Season 7 Season 7
Season 8 Season 8
Season 9 Season 9
Season 10 Season 10
Season 11 Season 11
Season 12 Season 12
Season 13 Season 13
Season 14 Season 14
Season 15 Season 15
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