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Episode Transcript: Squidtastic Voyage
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Episode Article: Squidtastic Voyage
Characters
Dialogue
Narrator: Ah today we study the gentle rhythm of the sea. (music blasting from SpongeBob’s house, so the narrator gets angry) Gentle rhythm! (in his normal voice) Oh, never mind.
Gary: Meow. (hides in shell)
SpongeBob: (moon walking) Uh-huh! Uh-huh! (makes armpit noises with Patrick) Ocean wave. (wiggles arms) Tropical breeze.
(wiggles more)
Patrick: Whirlpool. (spins around on his behind)
SpongeBob: Reverse whirlpool. (does a reverse spin. Him and Patrick spin into each other causing them to bounce all over
the house. The vibrations are so great that one of Squidward's pictures falls onto the ground)
Squidward: Huh? (turns around) Grr! SpongeBob! Turn that noise off! This will get his attention. (plays his clarinet. SpongeBob comes out of the top of his pineapple, spinning his legs, and flies into Squidward causing the clarinet to get stuck in his throat)
Squidward: Sponge... (note plays. Chokes)
SpongeBob: (gasps) Oh, Squidward, you swallowed your clarinet again! I’ll get it.
Squidward: (tries to get away from SpongeBob) No! No! Don't... (note plays) touch... (note plays) me! (note plays)
SpongeBob: (grabs Squidward's mouth and opens it) I'll get a better look. Hmm... It’s too dark! This calls for extreme measures. (tries to put Squidward's mouth over his body but he's too big. Outside, a mother and child are walking by as they hear strange noises. The mother puts her hands over her kid's ears and walks away with an angry look on her face, pulls out the clarinet) Got it! Hey, the pointy thing on the end is missing!
Squidward: It’s called a reed...eee!
SpongeBob: What’s a reed...eee?
Squidward: Great! (high note) My reed... (note) is still... (note) stuck in my... (note) throat! (note) And it’s all your fault! (notes)
SpongeBob: There’s only one thing to do. We gotta see Sandy. (scene cuts to an x-ray of Squidward's throat)
Sandy: Hmm. Just as I thought. You’ve got that pointy bit from the end of your clarinet stuck in your throat. That was clumsy of you.
Squidward: I didn’t. It was SpongeBob that... (note)
Sandy: Well, there’s nothing to do for it but surgery. (runs off with Squidward)
SpongeBob: Ooh... (follows them to a submarine-like machine)
Sandy: Now’s my chance to try out my new invention -- the solution to your problem.
Squidward: A submarine? (note)
Sandy: That’s right, Squidward. Let me show you. (walks into a lab where Squidward's body is on screen) This whole lab is called the Chamber of Shrinkage. I’ll shrink the sub and myself down to microscopic size... (simulation does so) ...then navigate through your brain, down into your throat and extract the reed from inside. Simple!
Squidward: Why don’t you just shrink the reed?
Sandy: (laughs) Oh, Squidward, always wanting to do it the hard way! (bubble-wipe to Squidward sitting in a chair with a white gown on) We’re all set, Squidward! Are you ready for the sedative?
Squidward: Are you sure this is safe?
Sandy: Completely! As long as someone competent is behind the wheel. Hey, what’s that? (Squidward looks then Sandy knocks him out with a karate chop) Sweet dreams, partner! Oops! I forgot to pack food for the trip. I've got to get some supplies from my treedome, and I need you to guard the submarine while I’m gone. (SpongeBob smiles) Do you think you can handle it, SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: Can do, Sandy! (bubble-wipe to SpongeBob walking back and forth, guarding the submarine) Hut-hut-hut, hut-hut-hut! Hut-hut-hut, huppity-hup-hut!
Patrick: (walks up to SpongeBob) Hi, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: (instead of saying "Hi, Patrick"} Hello, citizen.
Patrick: What are you doing?
SpongeBob: Guarding Sandy’s submarine.
Patrick: Wow! I’ve never been in a submarine. Let’s look inside.
SpongeBob: Can’t. I’m guarding it.
Patrick: Oh, man! Can't you guard it from the inside?
SpongeBob: (stops) You’re right! (bows to Patrick) Patrick, you’re a genius! (presses the 'OPEN' button to open the submarine)
SpongeBob and Patrick: Ooh! (both salute)
SpongeBob: SpongeBob and Patrick reporting for guard duty. (both he and Patrick laugh and go inside. They push buttons and pretend to actually be using the submarine)
Patrick: Hmmm..."Shrink". I do have a lot of issues. (presses button and an alarm blares. SpongeBob and Patrick look at the flashing light)
SpongeBob and Patrick: Pretty. (submarine shrinks a little)
Sandy: I'm back, SpongeBob. (drops box of nuts) Uh-oh. (SpongeBob shrinks)
Patrick: (laughs) You’re so tiny. (shrinks) Aah, a giant SpongeBob! (submarine shrinks completely. A robot hand grabs the submarine)
Sandy: Patrick! SpongeBob!
Patrick: Ahh, Sandy’s grown to gigantic size!
SpongeBob: I don’t think Sandy grew, Patrick! I think we shrunk.
Patrick: Pfft, that’s silly! Don't you think it's more likely that the entire world grew? (robot hand takes the submarine and sticks it in Squidward's nose)
Sandy: Hi, Squidward. Well, the submarine is safely inside you.
Squidward: Wonderful! Wait! If you're out here, then who's in here? (holds head)
Sandy: Well, why don’t you take a look for yourself? (pulls down a monitor showing SpongeBob and Patrick in the submarine inside of Squidward)
Squidward: (screams) SpongeBob and Patrick are piloting a miniature submarine inside my head. SpongeBob and Patrick... SpongeBob and... (chuckles nervously then screams)
Sandy: You better calm down, Squidward. With them little critters inside you, I wouldn’t be moving around too much. You could knock them into something important. (cut to inside Squidward’s nose)
SpongeBob: Where are we, Patrick?
Patrick: I don’t know. But it’s a real dump.
Sandy: (over speaker) SpongeBob, Patrick, can you hear me?
SpongeBob: It's Sandy.
Patrick: She’s in there? (pulls out an axe) I’ll save you, Sandy! (chops away at the control panel)
Sandy: Stop it, you itty-bitty idiot! (engine sputters and dies)
SpongeBob: Sandy, where are you? Where are we?
Sandy: You’re trespassing, SpongeBob -- in my lab, in my submarine -- and you’re trespassing inside of Squidward!
Patrick: I thought this place was in bad shape.
Squidward: (over speaker) I heard that!
Sandy: Let’s get you out of there, SpongeBob. All you need to do is locate the auto-pilot. It’ll safely take you through your mission, and then out the extraction point. (points to Squidward’s rear-end on the computer screen. The submarine controls explode)
SpongeBob: Um...we broke it! (Patrick chops at it again with the axe)
Sandy: Stop it! What are you trying to do?! Kill him?!
Squidward: (starts sweating nervously)
Sandy: This is approximately 17 times harder to drive than a boat mobile, which you’re never successfully done. (laughs nervously) So, just take it nice and easy.
SpongeBob: No problemo. Nice and...EASY!!! (pushes the gas pedal to the floor making the submarine go as fast as it can. Both Patrick and SpongeBob are screaming at the top their lungs as they head towards the brain)
Squidward: So, how’s it going? (tires screech, metal crashes, and Squidward makes a hissing sound as SpongeBob and Patrick drive into the brain. They get unstuck but crash a lot into the brain making Squidward go insane) I can’t control my eyeballs!
Sandy: Don’t worry, it’s temporary. Now, just sign this! (holds out a waiver)
Squidward: (signs) OK, now what is this?
Sandy: Oh, just your autograph, uh, for when you’re, uhh, famous.
Squidward: Oh, of course. I’ve got head shots, you know. (shows pictures of himself then drops them and hits himself) What the...?
Sandy: Squidward! (Squidward chokes himself then punches Sandy)
Squidward: What’s happening?! (SpongeBob and Patrick are fighting over the controls which causes them to keep crashing into Squidward's nervous system)
SpongeBob & Patrick: {talking among themselves) Give me that! Give it back! No! Give it! Give it back!
Sandy: They’re hitting your central nervous system!
Squidward: (punches self) Oh, no sh*t Sherlock.
Sandy: You’re not in control of your actions! (Squidward kicks Sandy in the rear) Hey...
Squidward: Oh, I’m sorry. I’m not in control of my actions.
Sandy: (gets mad because she knew it was on purpose)
SpongeBob and Patrick: (bounce off Squidward’s nervous system)
Sandy: They’ve gone off course! (Squidward is spinning in his chair then is tossed into the back where he is doing more crazy twitches)
Sandy: Oh my gosh! They're out of control! (SpongeBob and Patrick land in some green goo)
SpongeBob: Ew! Where the hell are we? (Squidward’s stomach rumbles. The submarine is getting dissolved in the green acid)
SpongeBob: Mayday! Mayday! We’re sinking! And Patrick won’t stop screaming!
Sandy: Those stomach acid levels are way too high!
SpongeBob: The reserve tanks are almost empty. (Patrick grunts) Patrick! (Patrick is using the axe to chop at the tanks)
Patrick: Finished.
Sandy: SpongeBob, you gotta get out of there! It’s a straight shot up the stomach to the esophagus where the reed is! (note plays) You can complete your mission if we can just access an alternative fuel. Like natural gas.
SpongeBob: Natural gas?
Patrick: Like this! (drinks a soda and burps loudly)
Squidward: Stop burping inside me! That’s f*cking disgusting!
Sandy: Wait a minute, Squidward. They might be on to something.
Squidward: What?
Sandy: If you can make a big enough burp...
Patrick: We can filter the CO2 through our ballast tanks, refire the engines, and ride the shockwave out of here.
SpongeBob: Wow.
Sandy: He’s right.
Squidward: What?
Sandy: We’re going through with your plan, Patrick!
SpongeBob: Yay!
Patrick: What plan? (Squidward drinks a bunch of soda)
Sandy: Now burp, Squidward! Lives are on the line! (Squidward tries to burp)
SpongeBob: I never thought it would end this way. (Squidward burps loudly sending the submarine up and out of the stomach)
It's working! (natural gas readings are full)
SpongeBob and Patrick: Whee!
Sandy: They’re heading for the esophagus. (smells Squidward’s burp) Phew, what have you been eating?
Squidward: Morons. (the submarine crashes into Squidward's throat where the reed is at)
SpongeBob: SpongeBob to Sandy. We've reached the foreign obstruction. (swims out with a bathing suit on)
Sandy: OK, you're going to have to go out and dislodge it somehow.
SpongeBob: I’m already on it. (takes out a hammer and hits the reed with it)
Narrator: Two hours later...
SpongeBob: This stupid d*mn hammer won’t break anything. (throws it at the reed. The hammer bounces back and cuts SpongeBob’s water arm floatation, making him bounce everywhere)
Patrick: (peers out of the sub) SpongeBob, do what you were born to do! Dance!
SpongeBob: You’re right Patrick. Whirlpool Spin! (cuts the reed in half with the spin causing Squidward to spit it out)
Sandy: Good work, guys! Mission accomplished. Now all you have to do is...
Squidward: (pushes Sandy out of the way) Get the f*ck out of my body! GO!
Patrick: Grow? (presses the 'GROW' button which sounds an alarm)
SpongeBob, Squidward and Sandy: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!
(Cut to the Krusty Krab)
Mr. Krabs: Almost ready to open. (cleans his 'NO REFUNDS' sign) There.
Squidward: (walks in) Good morning, Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: Hello, Squidward. Neptune's trousers! What’s gotten into you? (zoom out to show Squidward with a submarine-shaped body)
SpongeBob: (inside Squidward) Reporting for duty, Mr. Krabs. (toilet flushes)
Patrick: Squidward, the toilet's backed up again. (Squidward growls in anger)
