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Episode Transcript: Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy V
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Episode Article: Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy V
Characters
Dialogue
Narrator: The New Adventures of Mermaidman and Barnacleboy. In a familiar restaurant, in a familiar part of town, a call goes out in frustration.
Frank: Will you hurry up?
Narrator: A call that would normally be answered by Bikini Bottom's semi-retired champions. (If) they weren't the ones causing the problem.
Mermaidman: Let's see...I wanna, no. I wanna, uh, no, uh, hmmm...
Squidward: Sir, will you please order already? You're holding up the line.
SpongeBob: (whispering in Mermaidman's ear) Psst. Hey, Mermaidman, get a Krabby Patty.
Mermaidman: I've made my decision.
Line of Customers: Hooray!
Mermaidman: 1 Krabby Patty for me and a Pipsqueak Patty for the boy.
Barnacleboy: Now, wait just a darn minute.
Line of Customers: Awww...
Barnacleboy: I don't want a Pipsqueak Patty. I want an adult size Krabby Patty.
Mermaidman: The Krabby Patty is too big for you. You'll never finish it.
Barnacleboy: Don't you see what you're doing? You're treating me like a child.
Mr. Krabs: The boys eyes are bigger than his stomach. (Everybody laughs)
Barnacleboy: And that's another thing. I'm not a boy. I'm so old I got hairs growing out of the wrinkles in my liver spots. (shows a hair popping out)
Squidward: One Pipsqueak Patty (Shows a small Patty with a smile with pickles and Ketchup) and your bib and high chair. (Everybody laughs again)
Barnacleboy: I'm 68 years old and I want a Krabby Patty!
Mermaidman: Your Pipsqueak is getting cold. Shall I feed you?
Barnacleboy: (Glaring) Feed this, old man! (slaps the Krabby Patty out of Mermaidman's hand as everybody gasps) I'm tired of playing second banana to a man who wears a bra! From now on, I want to be called Barnacle Man! And, I'm through protecting citizens that don't respect me.
SpongeBob: I respect you, Barnacle Man!
Barnacle Man: That's Barnacleboy, I mean, man! Oh, forget it, people. I say if you're not going to give me the respect I want as a hero, then maybe you'll give me respect as a villain. A villain who is...evil.
SpongeBob: Evil??
Mr. Krabs, Squidward, Patrick, & Sandy: Evil?? (Mermaidman is daydreaming blankly. Mr. Krabs slaps MM)
Mermaidman: EVIL!!!
Barnacle Man: I'm crossing over to the dark side! (points to dark side of Krusty Krab)
Mr. Krabs: Why should I waste money lighting the whole store? (villain car comes in)
Dirty Bubble: Did someone say evil?
SpongeBob: Holy oil spill! It's Mermaidman and Barnacleboy's arch enemies: Man-Ray and The Dirty Bubble! (BB gets in villain car)
Barnacle Man: Nighty night, you old goat! (The villain car drives off)
Mermaidman: Nighty-night. (to Squidward) Will you tuck me in? (Squidward glares)
Johnny: We interrupt your bleak and meaningless lives for this news break. Man-Ray (Manray on TV shoots down a building with his powers originally both a plane and the building), The Dirty Bubble (He absorbs a bank into himself), and now, playing for the dark side, Barnacleboy...
Barnacle Man: Barnacle Man!
Johnny: ...have been committing a series of crimes in Bikini Bottom. (shows Man-Ray, The Dirty Bubble, and Barnacle Man ding-dong-ditching)
Barnacle Man: Shh!
Citizen: (opens door) I'll get you crazy kids.
Realistic Fish Head: These three have named their new alliance: Every Villain Is Lemons, also known as E.V.I.L.! What can we do? When will this crime wave end? How will we defeat the evil? Why am I asking you all these questions? Mermaidman, where are you? (Mermaidman is daydreaming blankly again. Mr. Krabs slaps MM again)
Mermaidman: Huh? I'm right here! Don't worry, good citizens! Nothing will stop me from defeating the E.V.I.L.! Nothing! (ice cream truck sounds) Ice cream? I love ice cream! A double scoop of prune with bran sprinkles. Mmm. (MM takes a bite but explodes then E.V.I.L. is shown as ice cream men) Goes right through me every time.
Barnacle Man: You might as well give up, Mermaidman, because there are three of us and only one of you. You don't stand a chance. (Drives off)
SpongeBob: Are you okay, Mermaidman? Oh, how are you going to beat all three of those guys all by yourself?
Mermaidman: You're right. (sits down) I give up.
SpongeBob: You can't give up. What if we help you?
Mermaidman: No, no, that's a terrible idea. But what if you help me?
SpongeBob: Okay.
Mermaidman: Who wants to save the world?
SpongeBob: I do!
Sandy: I do!
Patrick: I do!
Squidward: I don't.
Mr. Krabs: Oh, yes, you do. No world means no money. Now go save the world, or you're fired!
Mermaidman: Then it's settled. To the Mermalair!
SpongeBob: Wow! The Mermalair!
Mermaidman: These costumes belonged to the original International Justice League of Super Acquaintances!
SpongeBob: Wow! The I.J.L.S.A. were the most heroic heroes ever! (Holds up a lunchbox of MM and the superheroes as Barnacle Boy is taped off as an enemy) And you had the best lunch box, too.
Mermaidman: Once you put on these costumes, their fantastic powers will become yours.
Sandy: Wow. I didn't think super powers worked that way.
Mermaidman: Sure, power's all in the costume. Why else would we run around in colored undies?
Squidward: I can think of three good reasons.
Narrator: The Quickster... with the ability to run really... quick!
SpongeBob: Wanna see me run to that mountain and back? (doesn’t move) Wanna see me do it again?
Narrator: Captain Magma... get him angry and he's bound to erupt!
Squidward: Krakatoa! (lava shoots out)
Narrator: The Elastic Waistband... able to stretch his body into fantastic shapes and forms!
Patrick: I can finally touch my toes! (stretches his toes over the back of his body and to his hands)
Narrator: And Miss Appear... now you see her... (disappears) ... now you don't.
Sandy: Does this outfit make me look fat?
Narrator: The International Justice League of Super Acquaintances! A subsidiary of Viacom. (Indonesian Version: A masterpiece of the nation.])
Mermaidman: So, it's agreed. We'll get one cheese pizza, one with pepperoni and mushrooms, and one with olives.
Chief: Super Acquaintances, we need your help.
SpongeBob: Holy halibut! It's the chief!
Chief: Thank you for the introduction, Quickster, but we all know who I am. More importantly, we've found information on the whereabouts of E.V.I.L.
Patrick: The whoseabouts of what?
Sandy: You just tell us where they are, Chief, and we'll hog-tie 'em faster than you can say "Salsa Verde".
Chief: Our sources last found E.V.I.L. harassing teenagers up at "Make Out Reef". You know, Make-Out Reef? (makes out with himself) Whoo hoo hoo!
SpongeBob: Flopping flounder, Mermaidman, Make-Out Reef!
Mermaidman: Those fiends! Attacking hormonally stressed-out children!
Squidward: Ah, Make-Out Reef. Good times, good times.
Mermaidman: To Make-Out Reef, away!
Patrick: Does this mean we're not getting pizza?
(Cut to a reef on the summit of a mountain)
John & Nancy: Stop, please!
E.V.I.L.: John and Nancy, sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!
Dirty Bubble: Oh! Shine the flashlight in that car, Man-Ray!
Man-Ray: Haha, with pleasure! (shines on a guy making out with a pillow)
Fish': Hey, man, that's not cool.
Mermaidman: Leave those young lovers alone!
Man-Ray: Well if it isn't Milkmaid Man! Well you've saved us the trouble of tracking you down.
Mermaidman: You fiends can't win! You're outnumbered!
Man-Ray: You senile bag of fish paste! There are three of us and only one of you! (SpongeBob runs to Mermaidman's side)
SpongeBob: Make that two!
Man-Ray: The Quickster!
Squidward: (He volcanoes like a rocket next to Mermaidman) Three!
Barnacle Man: Captain Magma!
Patrick: (Patrick stretches himself in loops and circles next to Mermaidman) Four!
Dirty Bubble: The Elastic Waistband!
Sandy: (Appears out of nowhere) Five.
E.V.I.L.: M-M-Miss Appear!
Mermaidman: And me makes ten...uhh, I think.
Man-Ray: Uh-oh.
Dirty Bubble: I don't have a good feeling about this.
Barnacle Man: Oh, there goes our toy deal.
Mermaidman: Super Acquaintances, attack!
Barnacle Man: Oh no, please, mercy!
Squidward: Krakatoa! (lava shoots out onto The Quickster)
SpongeBob: Ah! Ah! Ah! Get it off!
Patrick: I'll save you, Quickster, ahh! (stretches his arms to try and save The Quickster but ends up getting pulled in circles with the Quickster. Patrick rockets out of the grip of the Quickster and lands on the ground as his stretched arms unravel back at him to tie him stuck to the ground)
Mermaidman: I'll cool you off, Quickster, with one of my water balls! (He sees the Quickster in concentration)
AH HA!!!
Squidward: (Mermaidman is facing Captain Magma) No, no, I'm not the quickster. I'm Captain Mag... (gets hit and burns up) ma. (disintegrates into dust)
Sandy: Well, I guess it's up to me! (Vanishes) I'll sneak over... unseen... and catch them by surprise. (a car hits Sandy sending her smashing through the sign of the site and off the cliff, screaming) br>
SpongeBob: Get it off! Get it off! (eventually stops but only shown as shoes) Whew. I'm glad that's over.
(E.V.I.L looks around to see the defeated super heroes and Mermaidman falls on his back to surrender.)
Barnacle Man: We did it. We won! This day belongs to E.V.I.L.! You've lost, Mermaidman, and the superhero/super-villain rules say you have to give in to my demands.
Mermaidman: Okay, what do you want?
Man-Ray: World domination! Tell him we want world domination!
Dirty Bubble: Oh, and make him eat dirt! Ha! (ManRay glares at him) In addition to the domination thing.
Barnacle Man: Number one, I want to be treated like a superhero, not a sidekick. Number two, I want to be called Barnacle Man. And number three...
Man-Ray: Come on, domination!
Barnacle Man: ....I want an adult-sized Krabby Patty.
Dirty Bubble: Did you hear him say anything about eating dirt?
Barnacle Man: Need a hand, superpal? (both start to get tears in their eyes)
Mermaidman: Good to have you back on the side of justice, Kyle. Let's go get you that Krabby Patty!
Man-Ray: Was that it? Oh, that's sickening.
Dirty Bubble: Oh, this reminds me of the time I went to Cancun with the killer shrimp. (laughs) Oh, they had these papaya drinks that were to die for and...
Man-Ray: (Obviously angered) Oh, Neptune, shut up.
(Back at The Krusty Krab)
Mermaidman: How is that adult-sized Krabby Patty treating you, Barnacle Man?
Barnacle Man: Actually, it's pretty big. I'm not sure if I can finish the whole thing. (everyone laughs, starting with the heroes, SpongeBob, and his friends, who were all wrapped up or casted. Then we see a fish and his pillow he kissed laughing, and then it was the Dirty Bubble and Man-Ray, who in jail, and finally, the chief, who is still making out.)
