Episode Transcript: The Smoking Peanut

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Episode Article: [[The Smoking Peanut (Episode)|The Smoking Peanut]]
 
Episode Article: [[The Smoking Peanut (Episode)|The Smoking Peanut]]
  
 
==Characters==
 
==Characters==
 
 
*[[SpongeBob SquarePants|SpongeBob]]
 
*[[SpongeBob SquarePants|SpongeBob]]
 
*[[Patrick Star|Patrick]]
 
*[[Patrick Star|Patrick]]
Line 21: Line 21:
  
 
==Dialogue==
 
==Dialogue==
 +
(the episode starts at the Bikini Bottom Zoo)
  
(The episode starts at the Bikini Bottom Zoo.)<br>
+
'''French Narrator''': Ah... Bikini Bottom Zoo is having its annual free day. Free balloons... (Mr. Krabs, disguised in a mustache, steals a whole bunch of balloons from Jimmy) Free drinks... (Mr. Krabs comes by and fills up a huge barrel) Free light bulbs? (Mr. Krabs unscrews a light bulb from a lamp post and puts it into his pants just as the police arrive)
  
Narrator: Ah... Bikini Bottom Zoo is having its annual free day. Free balloons...<br>
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': A-ha! Top of the mornin’, boys! (laughs nervously) Whew! Next stop: gift shop. (as he runs into the gift shop, SpongeBob and Patrick walk by a lionfish exhibit and tiger shark exhibit while wearing zoo hats)
  
(Mr. Krabs, disguised in a mustache, steals a whole bunch of balloons from Jimmy.)<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': There it is... Oyster Stadium. Not only do they have the largest oyster held in captivity, it also does tricks! (like an announcer) He spits a giant pearl 100 feet in the air! Like a cannonball! (crumples up his hat, and spits it into the air and into a little fish's ice cream)
  
Narrator: Free drinks...<br>
+
'''Patrick''': Why are we hanging around watching a cheap imitation? Let’s get over there! (the two run into the stadium)
  
(Mr. Krabs comes by and fills up a huge barrel.)<br>
+
'''Both''': This is the greatest day of our lives! (snoring and gurgling from Clamu)
  
Narrator: Free light bulbs?<br>
+
'''Patrick''': This is the greatest day of our lives? Boring!
  
(Mr. Krabs unscrews a light bulb from a lamp post and puts it into his pants just as the police arrive.)<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': You’re right, Patrick. We came to see... (announcer voice) ...pearls 100 feet in the air! (normal voice) Right? I’ll try my oyster call. (makes a strange noise, but seeing no progress, gives up)
  
Mr. Krabs: A-ha! Top of the mornin’, boys! (Laughs nervously) Whew! Next stop: gift shop.<br>
+
'''Patrick''': Well, I’m outta here. Thanks for nothin’, SpongeBob. (walks away)
  
(As he runs into the gift shop, SpongeBob and Patrick walk by a lionfish exhibit and tiger shark exhibit while wearing zoo hats.)<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Come on, come on, wake up already! (pulls out his bag of sea peanuts. Checks to see if there's anyone around and then throws one at Clamu. She stirs) I think it’s working! (Clamu is moaning anxiously) Hey Patrick, it’s waking up!
  
SpongeBob: There it is... Oyster Stadium. Not only do they have the largest oyster held in captivity, it also does tricks!
+
'''Patrick''': Oh boy, did I miss it?
  
(Like an announcer)<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': No, the show’s about to begin! (Clamu cries in alarm like a siren of ambulance towards SpongeBob and Patrick)
  
SpongeBob: He spits a giant pearl 100 feet in the air! Like a cannonball!<br>
+
'''Zoo Worker #1''': What’s wrong with Clamu?
  
(SpongeBob crumples up his hat and spits it into the air and into a little fish's ice cream.)<br>
+
'''Joe''': Easy girl, it’s me, Joe! Remember? (Clamu growls. She picks up Joe and throws him in the air)
  
Patrick: Why are we hanging around watching a cheap imitation? Let’s get over there!<br>
+
'''Patrick''': Now this is a show!
  
(The two run into the stadium.)<br>
+
'''P.A. System''': (outside) ''Attention zoo patrons! Clamu the giant oyster is on an emotional rampage! Please scream and run around in circles.'' (crowd screams and runs around in circles) ''Thanks for coming.''
  
Both: This is the greatest day of our lives!<br>
+
(Clamu is rampaging angrily)
  
(Snoring and gurgling...)<br>
+
'''Zoo Worker #1''': You boys better get out of this area, pronto! There’s nothing more dangerous than an emotionally disturbed oyster! (points menacingly at SpongeBob) You didn’t do anything that might have caused this horrible tragedy, did you?<br>
  
Patrick: This is the greatest day of our lives? Boring!<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Uh...
  
SpongeBob: You’re right, Patrick. We came to see (Announcer voice) pearls 100 feet in the air, (normal voice) Right? I’ll try my oyster call.<br>
+
'''Patrick''': No way! Only a jerk would upset a gentle giant. Right, SpongeBob?
  
(SpongeBob makes a strange noise, but seeing no progress, gives up.)<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Right. (hides the peanut bag)
  
Patrick: Well, I’m outta here. Thanks for nothin’, SpongeBob.
+
(bubble-wipe to Patrick and SpongeBob leaving the zoo)
  
(Patrick walks away.)<br>
+
'''Patrick''': Man, if I see the guy who upset Clamu, I’d have a few choice words for him, like “you”... and “are”... and... “a jerk!” (SpongeBob and Patrick have now gotten to Conch Street, where their houses are) Are you sure you didn’t see anything suspicious?
  
SpongeBob: Come on, come on, wake up already! (He pulls out his bag of sea peanuts. He checks to see if there's anyone around and then throws one at the oyster. The oyster stirs.) I think it’s working!<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': I already said I didn’t, Patrick! Sheesh! (walks up his cobblestone path into his pineapple)
  
(Clamu moaning anxiously...)<br>
+
'''Patrick''': Hey, let’s investigate this crime and catch the lowlife who’s responsible!<br>
  
SpongeBob: Hey Patrick, it’s waking up!<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Give it a rest, Patrick! There’s no crime to investigate! Now go home! (inside the pineapple) Stupid Patrick, I didn’t do anything wrong. Ah, what am I getting so worked up about? I’m sure that by tomorrow, this whole ugly mess will be a funny memory! (chuckles and turns on the television)
  
Patrick: Oh boy, did I miss it?<br>
+
'''Johnny''': Our top story tonight: giant oyster has its feelings hurt! The only clue that could be found was this lone peanut! (a Realistic Fish Head is on TV with the crying giant oyster at the stadium. SpongeBob is clearly nervous) And as you can hear, the oyster continues to emit its horrible cry. A cry so powerful, it can be heard around the world! (we see live action pictures of people running around screaming and holding their ears in Africa, Holland, and India. Then, we are shown the stadium again) A cry that not only breaks the sound barrier, it breaks the hearts of our citizens! (a guilty SpongeBob is onlooking in horror) What kind of cruel, careless, evil person would deliberately upset one of Neptune’s most gentle creatures?
  
SpongeBob: No, the show’s about to begin!<br>
+
(Hans uses a tissue to wipe a tear off the fish head’s face. The TV turns off)
  
(Clamu cries in alarm like a siren of ambulance towards SpongeBob and Patrick)<br>
+
'''Gary''': Meow?
  
Zoo Worker #1: What’s wrong with Clamu?<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': (screams) No Gary, how would I know anything about the oyster?
  
Joe: Easy girl, it’s me, Joe! Remember?<br>
+
'''Gary''': Meow.
  
(Oyster growling. She picks up Joe and throws him in the air)<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Defensive? I’m not being defensive! Barnacles! What is this, 20 questions or something? (peers out the window at Oyster Stadium, where we hear Clamu’s crying) This is getting a little out of hand. All I did was throw a peanut. I didn’t mean to make the oyster cry. I just wanted to see it perform spectacular stunts! Aw, everyone’s going to hate me! I, I need some advice! Now let’s see now, who could never hate me no matter what I do? (bubble-wipe to SpongeBob knocking on Squidward's door) Squidward? Squidward! Oh, Squidward!
  
Patrick: Now this is a show!<br>
+
'''Squidward''': SpongeBob! Do you have to knock so loudly?!
  
P. A. System: (outside) Attention zoo patrons! Clamu the giant oyster is on an emotional rampage! Please scream and run around in circles. (Crowd screams and runs around in circles.) Thanks for coming.<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Sorry, neighbor.
  
(rampaging angrily)<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Oh... that overgrown clam is giving me a headache! I can’t even take my afternoon beauty nap!
  
Zoo Worker #1: You boys better get out of this area, pronto! There’s nothing more dangerous than an emotionally disturbed oyster!<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': (laughs nervously) Funny thing you should mention that old oyster, because I… uh… was kind of wondering, uh... Let’s say I know this guy who may have something to do with the oyster.
  
(The worker points menacingly at SpongeBob.)<br>
+
'''Squidward''': You mean you know the guy who did it?! (SpongeBob gulps) Oh, this is great! You and I can go turn him in! And then I’ll get so much sleep, I’ll be gorgeous!
  
Zoo Worker #1: You didn’t do anything that might have caused this horrible tragedy, did you?<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Uh, actually, I-I’m just talking hypothetically.
  
SpongeBob: Uh…<br>
+
'''Squidward''': You mean you don’t know who did it?
  
Patrick: No way! Only a jerk would upset a gentle giant. Right, SpongeBob?<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Well, uh...  I... uh... no. (Squidwars slams his door) Squidward? (on his way home, he encounters Patrick in a Sherlock Holmes outfit)
  
(SpongeBob hides the peanut bag.)<br>
+
'''Patrick''': Gotcha! (SpongeBob screams) Where were you on the day of today?! Don’t play games with me, mister!
  
SpongeBob: Right.<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Hey, Patrick, what are you doing?
  
(Cut to Patrick and SpongeBob leaving the zoo.)<br>
+
'''Patrick''': Oh, hi, SpongeBob. I’m just continuing my investigation of the great Clamu Caper!
  
Patrick: Man, if I see the guy who upset Clamu, I’d have a few choice words for him, like “you”… and “are”… and… “a jerk!”<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Um, have you found out anything? (his eye twitches)
  
(SpongeBob and Patrick have now gotten to Conch Street, where their houses are.)<br>
+
'''Patrick''': Yes! No wait, uh… no. (holds up sand) But this grain of sand looks pretty suspicious, and so does this rock! And I’ve got a few questions for this little piece of grass! Don’t worry, SpongeBob! Patrick’s on the case! The truth will be revealed! (SpongeBob runs away)
  
Patrick: Are you sure you didn’t see anything suspicious?<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': I better go see Sandy! She’ll know what to do! (we see Sandy and SpongeBob in the treedome, and we can hear Clamu crying)
  
SpongeBob: I already said I didn’t, Patrick! Sheesh!<br>
+
'''Sandy''': Oh, I can’t stand it anymore! That poor, poor critter! What kind of inconsiderate person would upset such a gentle creature?
  
(Walks up his cobblestone path into his pineapple.)<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Uh, that’s kind of what I wanted to talk about, Sandy.
  
Patrick: Hey, let’s investigate this crime and catch the lowlife who’s responsible!<br>
+
'''Sandy''': Why, when I find out who caused that oyster so much pain, no more jiggery-pokery! (holds up the Bikini Bottom Phone Book and rips it in half in front of SpongeBob) Now, what was it you wanted to talk about, SpongeBob? (SpongeBob tries to speak, but cannot, and his eyes begin to twitch) Hey SpongeBob, how come you’re all twitchy like that?
  
SpongeBob: Give it a rest, Patrick! There’s no crime to investigate! Now go home! (Inside the pineapple.) Stupid Patrick, I didn’t do anything wrong. Ah, what am I getting so worked up about? I’m sure that by tomorrow, this whole ugly mess will be a funny memory!<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Twitchy? Twitchy? Who’s twitchy? I'm not twitchy! Sorry Sandy, I have to, uh... uh... uhhh... go get my hair cut (runs home)
  
(He chuckles and turns on the TV.)<br>
+
'''Sandy''': SpongeBob doesn’t have hair… or does he? (SpongeBob runs down the block panting. He runs to the house and tries to open the door. Patrick approaches him to talk)
  
Johnny: Our top story tonight: giant oyster has its feelings hurt! The only clue that could be found was this lone peanut! (They show the TV screen with Johnny with the crying giant oyster at the stadium) And (SpongeBob is clearly nervous) as you can hear, the oyster continues to emit its horrible cry. A cry so powerful, it can be heard around the world! (We see live action footage of people running around screaming and holding their ears in Africa, Holland, and India. Then, we are shown the stadium again.) A cry that not only breaks the sound barrier, it breaks the hearts of our citizens!<br>
+
'''Patrick''': Hey, SpongeBob! (SpongeBob is startled and he falls apart. His limbs and facial features all reattach in different places) This is it! All of the clues are coming together. I followed these footprints right to this exact spot and then, right where you’re standing, I found this bag of peanuts! Ha! Oh, I’m so close to solving this crime, (cut to a close-up of Patrick's mouth next to SpongeBob's head) I can almost taste it. (Patrick licks SpongeBob's head; well, he’s actually licking a yellow ice cream popsicle that has ridges and green spots) Boy, crime fighting sure makes me hungry, and this yellow popsicle hits the spot!
  
(We then see guilty SpongeBob onlooking in horror.)<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Okay, uh, good luck with all that Patrick, and, uh, I guess I’ll see you later! (shuts the door, and whimpers)
  
Johnny: What kind of cruel, careless, evil person would deliberately upset one of Neptune’s most gentle creatures?<br>
+
'''Fish''': Open up! This is the police! (SpongeBob’s eyes pop out of his head)
  
(Hans uses a tissue to wipe a tear off the fish head’s face. The TV turns off.)<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Uh, I- just a second!
  
Gary: Meow?<br>
+
(two policefish enter)
  
SpongeBob: Aaaaah! No Gary, how would I know anything about the oyster?<br>
+
'''Policefish #1''': Are you SpongeBob SquarePants?
  
Gary: Meow.<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Y-y-ye-yes.
  
SpongeBob: Defensive? I’m not being defensive! Barnacles! What is this, 20 questions or something? (He peers out the window at Oyster Stadium, where we hear Clamu’s burps.) This is getting a little out of hand. All I did was throw a peanut. I didn’t mean to make the oyster cry. I just wanted to see it perform spectacular stunts! Aw, everyone’s going to hate me! I, I need some advice! Now let’s see now, who could never hate me no matter what I do? (Cut to SpongeBob knocking on Squidward's door.) Squidward? Squidward! Oh, Squidward!<br>
+
'''Policefish #1''': Put those eyeballs back in your head, son! We’ve got a few questions for you.
  
Squidward: SpongeBob! Do you have to knock so loudly?!<br>
+
'''Policefish #2''': Were you at the zoo on the day of the oyster incident?
  
SpongeBob: Sorry, neighbor.<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': (stammers) Yes! (hides in his pants)
  
Squidward: Oh… that overgrown clam is giving me a headache! I can’t even take my afternoon beauty nap!<br>
+
'''Policefish #2''': Did you, or did you not take part in various activities of zoo-time merriment?<br>
  
SpongeBob: (laughs nervously) Funny thing you should mention that old oyster, because I… uh… was kind of wondering, uh... Let’s say I know this guy who may have something to do with the oyster.<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Yes... (sinks even lower into his pants)
  
Squidward: You mean you know the guy who did it!?!<br>
+
'''Policefish #2''': And are you familiar with this peanut? (holds up a zip-locked peanut with "Exhibit A" written on it)
  
SpongeBob: (gulps)<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Yes! (his eyes peer out over the top of his pants. The bottom of his pants rip, and his body falls through)
  
Squidward: Oh, this is great! You and I can go turn him in! And then I’ll get so much sleep, I’ll be gorgeous!<br>
+
'''Policefish #2''': Just one more question… Is it true that you were at the oyster’s lair with a Mr. Patrick Star? (SpongeBob begins to cry)
  
SpongeBob: Uh, actually, I-I’m just talking hypothetically.<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Yes! Yes! It’s true! It’s all true! The merriment, the peanut, the Patrick!
  
Squidward: You mean you don’t know who did it?<br>
+
'''Policefish #2''': That’s all we need to know, son. Let’s book him! (we see stubby, pink hands being handcuffed)
  
SpongeBob: Well, uh...  I... uh... no.<br>
+
'''Patrick''': Wow, you guys are good. I’m the last person I would have suspected, but I was looking for me all the time! It’s the perfect crime!
  
(Squidwars slams his door)<br>
+
'''Policefish #2''': Yeah, yeah, tell it to the judge, Pinky
  
SpongeBob: Squidward?<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Oh, no! Patrick’s too sensitive for the big house! (follows the police boat to the zoo in the distance) Wait! Stop! I’m the one you want! I am the criminal!
  
(On his way home, he encounters Patrick in a Sherlock Holmes outfit.)<br>
+
(crowd is booing and yelling as they stand around the stadium with Patrick handcuffed to a stand and the oyster calming down her crying but tearing up)
  
Patrick: Gotcha!<br>
+
'''Sandals''': Hey everybody, let’s throw peanuts at him and see how he likes it! (crowd yells)
  
SpongeBob: Aaaaaahh! <br>
+
'''Patrick''': I get what I deserve! (yelling continues as he gobbles up some peanuts thrown at him) Ouch.
  
Patrick: Where were you on the day of today?!! Don’t play games with me, mister!<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Wait! Hold your peanuts! Patrick Star is innocent! I have come here to reveal the truth! They say that truth and honesty will be rewarded with trust and forgiveness...
  
SpongeBob: Hey, Patrick, what are you doing?<br>
+
'''Patrick''': Dum, dum, dum dum, de, dum...
  
Patrick: Oh, hi, SpongeBob. I’m just continuing my investigation of the great Clamu Caper!<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': I’m here to lay my cards on the table, to trim the branches of deception from the tree of life, to shave away the unkempt sideburns from the face of truth! I...
  
SpongeBob: Um, have you found out anything? (His eye twitches.)<br>
+
'''Sandals''': Oh! Just get on with it!
  
Patrick: Yes! No wait, uh… no. (Holds up sand.) But this grain of sand looks pretty suspicious, and so does this rock! And I’ve got a few questions for this little piece of grass! Don’t worry, SpongeBob! Patrick’s on the case! The truth will be revealed!<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': I am the one who threw the peanut! I know now that what I have done is wrong. And so I say, I am sorry, giant performing oyster. I am sorry, Patrick. I am sorry, citizens of Bikini Bottom.
  
(SpongeBob runs away.)<br>
+
'''Sandals''': Hey! Let’s throw peanuts at both of them! (crowd yells)
  
SpongeBob: I better go see Sandy! She’ll know what to do!<br>
+
'''Zoo Worker #1''': Wait! Here’s the real criminal! (pulls out a handcuffed Mr. Krabs with his stolen zoo supplies)
  
(We see Sandy and SpongeBob in the treedome, and we can hear Clamu crying.)<br>
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': Uh, top of the mornin’...? (fake mustache falls off)
  
Sandy: Oh, I can’t stand it anymore! That poor, poor critter! What kind of inconsiderate person would upset such a gentle creature?<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Mr. Krabs! (crowd gasps in shock)
  
SpongeBob: Uh, that’s kind of what I wanted to talk about, Sandy.<br>
+
'''Patrick''': I knew it!
  
Sandy: Why, when I find out who caused that oyster so much pain, no more jiggery-pokery!<br>
+
'''Zoo Worker #1''': Mr. Krabs has stolen a very important item from the oyster. Behold! (rips off Krabs' clothes, to the crowd's disgust) Wait a minute... Behold! The oyster’s pearl! (crowd gasps) Here you go, girl. (Clamu sniffs the pearl in delight. The crowd cheers, then the pearl starts to crack. The crowd gasps)
  
(Holds up the Bikini Bottom Phone Book and rips it in half in front of SpongeBob.)<br>
+
'''Baby Oyster''': Mama! Mama!
  
Sandy: Now, what was it you wanted to talk about, SpongeBob?<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Mother of pearl! The oyster’s a mother! And that pearl’s no pearl, it’s an egg! (Baby Oyster jumps on top of Clamu and they happily grunt. A tiny heart appears)
  
(SpongeBob tries to speak, but cannot, and his eyes begin to twitch.)<br>
+
'''All''': Awww... (they smile at the scene before turning to glare at Mr. Krabs)
  
Sandy: Hey SpongeBob, how come you’re all twitchy like that?<br>
+
'''Mr. Krabs''': But it’s... free day! (crowd yells as they bury Mr. Krabs in a pile of peanuts)
 
+
SpongeBob: Twitchy? Twitchy? Who’s twitchy? I'm not twitchy! Sorry Sandy, I have to, uh... uh... uhhh... go get my hair cut! (He runs home.)<br>
+
 
+
Sandy: SpongeBob doesn’t have hair… or does he?<br>
+
 
+
(SpongeBob runs down the block panting. He runs to the house and tries to open the door. Patrick approaches him to talk.)<br>
+
 
+
Patrick: Hey, SpongeBob!<br>
+
 
+
(SpongeBob is startled and he falls apart. His limbs and facial features all reattach in different places.)<br>
+
 
+
Patrick: This is it! All of the clues are coming together. I followed these footprints right to this exact spot and then, right where you’re standing, I found this bag of peanuts! Ha! Oh, I’m so close to solving this crime, I can almost taste it. (Zoom in on Patrick’s mouth next to SpongeBob’s head, which he licks. Well, he’s actually licking a yellow ice cream pop that has ridges and green spots.) Boy, crime fighting sure makes me hungry, and this yellow popsicle hits the spot!<br>
+
 
+
SpongeBob: Okay, uh, good luck with all that Patrick, and, uh, I guess I’ll see you later!<br>
+
 
+
(He shuts the door, and whimpers.)<br>
+
 
+
Fish: Open up! This is the police! <br>
+
 
+
(SpongeBob’s eyes pop out of his head.)<br>
+
 
+
SpongeBob: Uh, I- just a second!<br>
+
 
+
(Two policefish enter.)<br>
+
 
+
Policefish #1: Are you SpongeBob SquarePants?<br>
+
 
+
SpongeBob: Y-y-ye-yes.<br>
+
 
+
Policefish #1: Put those eyeballs back in your head, son! We’ve got a few questions for you.<br>
+
 
+
Policefish #2: Were you at the zoo on the day of the oyster incident?<br>
+
 
+
SpongeBob: (stammers) Yes!<br>
+
 
+
(Hides in his pants.)<br>
+
 
+
Policefish #2: Did you, or did you not take part in various activities of zoo-time merriment?<br>
+
 
+
SpongeBob: Yes…<br>
+
 
+
(He sinks even lower into his pants)<br>
+
 
+
Policefish #2: And are you familiar with this peanut?<br>
+
 
+
(Holds up a zip-locked peanut with "Exhibit A" written on it.)<br>
+
 
+
SpongeBob: Yes!<br>
+
 
+
(His eyes peer out over the top of his pants. The bottom of his pants rip, and his body falls through.)<br>
+
 
+
Policefish #2: Just one more question… Is it true that you were at the oyster’s lair with a Mr. Patrick Star?<br>
+
 
+
(SpongeBob begins to cry.)<br>
+
 
+
SpongeBob: Yes! Yes! It’s true! It’s all true! The merriment, the peanut, the Patrick!<br>
+
 
+
Policefish #2: That’s all we need to know, son. Let’s book him!<br>
+
 
+
(We see stubby, pink hands being handcuffed.)<br>
+
 
+
Patrick: Wow, you guys are good. I’m the last person I would have suspected, but I was looking for me all the time! It’s the perfect crime!<br>
+
 
+
Policefish #2: Yeah, yeah, tell it to the judge, Pinky!<br>
+
 
+
SpongeBob: Oh, no! Patrick’s too sensitive for the big house!<br>
+
 
+
(SpongeBob follows the police boat to the zoo in the distance.)<br>
+
 
+
SpongeBob: Wait! Stop! I’m the one you want! I am the criminal!<br>
+
 
+
(crowd booing and yelling...as they stand around the stadium with Patrick handcuffed to a stand and the oyster calming down her crying but tearing up)<br>
+
 
+
Sandals: Hey everybody, let’s throw peanuts at him and see how he likes it!<br>
+
 
+
(crowd yelling)<br>
+
 
+
Patrick: I get what I deserve! (yelling continues as he gobbles up some peanuts thrown at him) Ouch.<br>
+
 
+
SpongeBob: Wait! Hold your peanuts! Patrick Star is innocent! I have come here to reveal the truth! They say that truth and honesty will be rewarded with trust and forgiveness…<br>
+
 
+
Patrick: Dum, dum, dum dum, de, dum...<br>
+
 
+
SpongeBob: I’m here to lay my cards on the table, to trim the branches of deception from the tree of life, to shave away the unkempt sideburns from the face of truth! I…<br>
+
 
+
Sandals: Oh! Just get on with it!<br>
+
 
+
SpongeBob: I am the one who threw the peanut! I know now that what I have done is wrong. And so I say, I am sorry, giant performing oyster. I am sorry, Patrick. I am sorry, citizens of Bikini Bottom.<br>
+
 
+
Sandals: Hey! Let’s throw peanuts at both of them!<br>
+
 
+
(crowd yelling)<br>
+
 
+
Zoo Worker #1: Wait! Here’s the real criminal! (Pulls out a handcuffed Mr. Krabs with his stolen zoo supplies)<br>
+
 
+
Mr. Krabs: Uh, top of the mornin’!...? (Fake mustache falls off)<br>
+
 
+
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs!<br>
+
 
+
(Crowd gasps in shock)
+
 
+
Patrick: I knew it!<br>
+
 
+
Zoo Worker #1: Mr. Krabs has stolen a very important item from the oyster. Behold!<br>
+
 
+
(He rips off Krabs' clothes, to the crowd's disgust.)<br>
+
 
+
Zoo Worker #1: Wait a minute... Behold! The oyster’s pearl! (crowd gasps) Here you go, girl.<br>
+
 
+
(The oyster sniffs the pearl in delight. The crowd cheers, then the pearl starts to crack. The crowd gasps.)
+
 
+
Baby Oyster: Mama! Mama!<br>
+
 
+
SpongeBob: Mother of pearl! The oyster’s a mother! And that pearl’s no pearl, it’s an egg!<br>
+
 
+
(Baby Oyster jumps on top of Clamu and they happily grunt. A tiny heart appears.)<br>
+
 
+
All: Awww…(They smile at the scene before turning to glare at Mr. Krabs)<br>
+
 
+
Mr. Krabs: But it’s free day!!! <br>
+
 
+
(crowd yelling as they bury Mr. Krabs in a pile of peanuts)
+
  
 +
{{Timeline}}
 
{{Transcripts/Season 2}}
 
{{Transcripts/Season 2}}
 
 
[[Category:Transcript]]
 
[[Category:Transcript]]

Revision as of 01:51, 7 October 2022

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Pressure Shanghaied

Episode Article: The Smoking Peanut

Characters

Dialogue

(the episode starts at the Bikini Bottom Zoo)

French Narrator: Ah... Bikini Bottom Zoo is having its annual free day. Free balloons... (Mr. Krabs, disguised in a mustache, steals a whole bunch of balloons from Jimmy) Free drinks... (Mr. Krabs comes by and fills up a huge barrel) Free light bulbs? (Mr. Krabs unscrews a light bulb from a lamp post and puts it into his pants just as the police arrive)

Mr. Krabs: A-ha! Top of the mornin’, boys! (laughs nervously) Whew! Next stop: gift shop. (as he runs into the gift shop, SpongeBob and Patrick walk by a lionfish exhibit and tiger shark exhibit while wearing zoo hats)

SpongeBob: There it is... Oyster Stadium. Not only do they have the largest oyster held in captivity, it also does tricks! (like an announcer) He spits a giant pearl 100 feet in the air! Like a cannonball! (crumples up his hat, and spits it into the air and into a little fish's ice cream)

Patrick: Why are we hanging around watching a cheap imitation? Let’s get over there! (the two run into the stadium)

Both: This is the greatest day of our lives! (snoring and gurgling from Clamu)

Patrick: This is the greatest day of our lives? Boring!

SpongeBob: You’re right, Patrick. We came to see... (announcer voice) ...pearls 100 feet in the air! (normal voice) Right? I’ll try my oyster call. (makes a strange noise, but seeing no progress, gives up)

Patrick: Well, I’m outta here. Thanks for nothin’, SpongeBob. (walks away)

SpongeBob: Come on, come on, wake up already! (pulls out his bag of sea peanuts. Checks to see if there's anyone around and then throws one at Clamu. She stirs) I think it’s working! (Clamu is moaning anxiously) Hey Patrick, it’s waking up!

Patrick: Oh boy, did I miss it?

SpongeBob: No, the show’s about to begin! (Clamu cries in alarm like a siren of ambulance towards SpongeBob and Patrick)

Zoo Worker #1: What’s wrong with Clamu?

Joe: Easy girl, it’s me, Joe! Remember? (Clamu growls. She picks up Joe and throws him in the air)

Patrick: Now this is a show!

P.A. System: (outside) Attention zoo patrons! Clamu the giant oyster is on an emotional rampage! Please scream and run around in circles. (crowd screams and runs around in circles) Thanks for coming.

(Clamu is rampaging angrily)

Zoo Worker #1: You boys better get out of this area, pronto! There’s nothing more dangerous than an emotionally disturbed oyster! (points menacingly at SpongeBob) You didn’t do anything that might have caused this horrible tragedy, did you?

SpongeBob: Uh...

Patrick: No way! Only a jerk would upset a gentle giant. Right, SpongeBob?

SpongeBob: Right. (hides the peanut bag)

(bubble-wipe to Patrick and SpongeBob leaving the zoo)

Patrick: Man, if I see the guy who upset Clamu, I’d have a few choice words for him, like “you”... and “are”... and... “a jerk!” (SpongeBob and Patrick have now gotten to Conch Street, where their houses are) Are you sure you didn’t see anything suspicious?

SpongeBob: I already said I didn’t, Patrick! Sheesh! (walks up his cobblestone path into his pineapple)

Patrick: Hey, let’s investigate this crime and catch the lowlife who’s responsible!

SpongeBob: Give it a rest, Patrick! There’s no crime to investigate! Now go home! (inside the pineapple) Stupid Patrick, I didn’t do anything wrong. Ah, what am I getting so worked up about? I’m sure that by tomorrow, this whole ugly mess will be a funny memory! (chuckles and turns on the television)

Johnny: Our top story tonight: giant oyster has its feelings hurt! The only clue that could be found was this lone peanut! (a Realistic Fish Head is on TV with the crying giant oyster at the stadium. SpongeBob is clearly nervous) And as you can hear, the oyster continues to emit its horrible cry. A cry so powerful, it can be heard around the world! (we see live action pictures of people running around screaming and holding their ears in Africa, Holland, and India. Then, we are shown the stadium again) A cry that not only breaks the sound barrier, it breaks the hearts of our citizens! (a guilty SpongeBob is onlooking in horror) What kind of cruel, careless, evil person would deliberately upset one of Neptune’s most gentle creatures?

(Hans uses a tissue to wipe a tear off the fish head’s face. The TV turns off)

Gary: Meow?

SpongeBob: (screams) No Gary, how would I know anything about the oyster?

Gary: Meow.

SpongeBob: Defensive? I’m not being defensive! Barnacles! What is this, 20 questions or something? (peers out the window at Oyster Stadium, where we hear Clamu’s crying) This is getting a little out of hand. All I did was throw a peanut. I didn’t mean to make the oyster cry. I just wanted to see it perform spectacular stunts! Aw, everyone’s going to hate me! I, I need some advice! Now let’s see now, who could never hate me no matter what I do? (bubble-wipe to SpongeBob knocking on Squidward's door) Squidward? Squidward! Oh, Squidward!

Squidward: SpongeBob! Do you have to knock so loudly?!

SpongeBob: Sorry, neighbor.

Squidward: Oh... that overgrown clam is giving me a headache! I can’t even take my afternoon beauty nap!

SpongeBob: (laughs nervously) Funny thing you should mention that old oyster, because I… uh… was kind of wondering, uh... Let’s say I know this guy who may have something to do with the oyster.

Squidward: You mean you know the guy who did it?! (SpongeBob gulps) Oh, this is great! You and I can go turn him in! And then I’ll get so much sleep, I’ll be gorgeous!

SpongeBob: Uh, actually, I-I’m just talking hypothetically.

Squidward: You mean you don’t know who did it?

SpongeBob: Well, uh... I... uh... no. (Squidwars slams his door) Squidward? (on his way home, he encounters Patrick in a Sherlock Holmes outfit)

Patrick: Gotcha! (SpongeBob screams) Where were you on the day of today?! Don’t play games with me, mister!

SpongeBob: Hey, Patrick, what are you doing?

Patrick: Oh, hi, SpongeBob. I’m just continuing my investigation of the great Clamu Caper!

SpongeBob: Um, have you found out anything? (his eye twitches)

Patrick: Yes! No wait, uh… no. (holds up sand) But this grain of sand looks pretty suspicious, and so does this rock! And I’ve got a few questions for this little piece of grass! Don’t worry, SpongeBob! Patrick’s on the case! The truth will be revealed! (SpongeBob runs away)

SpongeBob: I better go see Sandy! She’ll know what to do! (we see Sandy and SpongeBob in the treedome, and we can hear Clamu crying)

Sandy: Oh, I can’t stand it anymore! That poor, poor critter! What kind of inconsiderate person would upset such a gentle creature?

SpongeBob: Uh, that’s kind of what I wanted to talk about, Sandy.

Sandy: Why, when I find out who caused that oyster so much pain, no more jiggery-pokery! (holds up the Bikini Bottom Phone Book and rips it in half in front of SpongeBob) Now, what was it you wanted to talk about, SpongeBob? (SpongeBob tries to speak, but cannot, and his eyes begin to twitch) Hey SpongeBob, how come you’re all twitchy like that?

SpongeBob: Twitchy? Twitchy? Who’s twitchy? I'm not twitchy! Sorry Sandy, I have to, uh... uh... uhhh... go get my hair cut (runs home)

Sandy: SpongeBob doesn’t have hair… or does he? (SpongeBob runs down the block panting. He runs to the house and tries to open the door. Patrick approaches him to talk)

Patrick: Hey, SpongeBob! (SpongeBob is startled and he falls apart. His limbs and facial features all reattach in different places) This is it! All of the clues are coming together. I followed these footprints right to this exact spot and then, right where you’re standing, I found this bag of peanuts! Ha! Oh, I’m so close to solving this crime, (cut to a close-up of Patrick's mouth next to SpongeBob's head) I can almost taste it. (Patrick licks SpongeBob's head; well, he’s actually licking a yellow ice cream popsicle that has ridges and green spots) Boy, crime fighting sure makes me hungry, and this yellow popsicle hits the spot!

SpongeBob: Okay, uh, good luck with all that Patrick, and, uh, I guess I’ll see you later! (shuts the door, and whimpers)

Fish: Open up! This is the police! (SpongeBob’s eyes pop out of his head)

SpongeBob: Uh, I- just a second!

(two policefish enter)

Policefish #1: Are you SpongeBob SquarePants?

SpongeBob: Y-y-ye-yes.

Policefish #1: Put those eyeballs back in your head, son! We’ve got a few questions for you.

Policefish #2: Were you at the zoo on the day of the oyster incident?

SpongeBob: (stammers) Yes! (hides in his pants)

Policefish #2: Did you, or did you not take part in various activities of zoo-time merriment?

SpongeBob: Yes... (sinks even lower into his pants)

Policefish #2: And are you familiar with this peanut? (holds up a zip-locked peanut with "Exhibit A" written on it)

SpongeBob: Yes! (his eyes peer out over the top of his pants. The bottom of his pants rip, and his body falls through)

Policefish #2: Just one more question… Is it true that you were at the oyster’s lair with a Mr. Patrick Star? (SpongeBob begins to cry)

SpongeBob: Yes! Yes! It’s true! It’s all true! The merriment, the peanut, the Patrick!

Policefish #2: That’s all we need to know, son. Let’s book him! (we see stubby, pink hands being handcuffed)

Patrick: Wow, you guys are good. I’m the last person I would have suspected, but I was looking for me all the time! It’s the perfect crime!

Policefish #2: Yeah, yeah, tell it to the judge, Pinky

SpongeBob: Oh, no! Patrick’s too sensitive for the big house! (follows the police boat to the zoo in the distance) Wait! Stop! I’m the one you want! I am the criminal!

(crowd is booing and yelling as they stand around the stadium with Patrick handcuffed to a stand and the oyster calming down her crying but tearing up)

Sandals: Hey everybody, let’s throw peanuts at him and see how he likes it! (crowd yells)

Patrick: I get what I deserve! (yelling continues as he gobbles up some peanuts thrown at him) Ouch.

SpongeBob: Wait! Hold your peanuts! Patrick Star is innocent! I have come here to reveal the truth! They say that truth and honesty will be rewarded with trust and forgiveness...

Patrick: Dum, dum, dum dum, de, dum...

SpongeBob: I’m here to lay my cards on the table, to trim the branches of deception from the tree of life, to shave away the unkempt sideburns from the face of truth! I...

Sandals: Oh! Just get on with it!

SpongeBob: I am the one who threw the peanut! I know now that what I have done is wrong. And so I say, I am sorry, giant performing oyster. I am sorry, Patrick. I am sorry, citizens of Bikini Bottom.

Sandals: Hey! Let’s throw peanuts at both of them! (crowd yells)

Zoo Worker #1: Wait! Here’s the real criminal! (pulls out a handcuffed Mr. Krabs with his stolen zoo supplies)

Mr. Krabs: Uh, top of the mornin’...? (fake mustache falls off)

SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs! (crowd gasps in shock)

Patrick: I knew it!

Zoo Worker #1: Mr. Krabs has stolen a very important item from the oyster. Behold! (rips off Krabs' clothes, to the crowd's disgust) Wait a minute... Behold! The oyster’s pearl! (crowd gasps) Here you go, girl. (Clamu sniffs the pearl in delight. The crowd cheers, then the pearl starts to crack. The crowd gasps)

Baby Oyster: Mama! Mama!

SpongeBob: Mother of pearl! The oyster’s a mother! And that pearl’s no pearl, it’s an egg! (Baby Oyster jumps on top of Clamu and they happily grunt. A tiny heart appears)

All: Awww... (they smile at the scene before turning to glare at Mr. Krabs)

Mr. Krabs: But it’s... free day! (crowd yells as they bury Mr. Krabs in a pile of peanuts)

Transcripts Episodes
Season 1 Season 1
Season 2 Season 2
Season 3 Season 3
Season 4 Season 4
Season 5 Season 5
Season 6 Season 6
Season 7 Season 7
Season 8 Season 8
Season 9 Season 9
Season 10 Season 10
Season 11 Season 11
Season 12 Season 12
Season 13 Season 13
Season 14 Season 14
Season 15 Season 15
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