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Episode Transcript: Life of Crime
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==Characters== | ==Characters== | ||
| − | *[[SpongeBob]] | + | *[[SpongeBob SquarePants|SpongeBob SquarePants]] |
| − | *[[Patrick]] | + | *[[Patrick Star|Patrick Star]] |
| − | *[[Mr. Krabs]] | + | *[[Eugene H. Krabs|Mr. Krabs]] |
*[[Lou]] | *[[Lou]] | ||
| − | *Officer Malley | + | *[[Police|Officer Malley]] |
| + | *[[Police|Officer Durado]] | ||
| + | *[[Sandy Cheeks|Sandy Cheeks]] (mentioned) | ||
| + | *[[Sheldon J. Plankton|Plankton]] (mentioned) | ||
| + | *[[Squidward Tentacles|Squidward Tentacles]] (mentioned) | ||
| + | *[[Mrs. Puff|Mrs. Puff]] (mentioned) | ||
| + | *[[Pearl Krabs|Pearl Krabs]] (mentioned) | ||
| + | *[[Gary the Snail|Gary the Snail]] (mentioned) | ||
==Dialogue== | ==Dialogue== | ||
| Line 21: | Line 28: | ||
(Open at the Krusty Krab. It’s only a shot of the building. A voice comes on from the television playing inside the K.K.)<br> | (Open at the Krusty Krab. It’s only a shot of the building. A voice comes on from the television playing inside the K.K.)<br> | ||
| − | TV Announcer: And now, back to Crustacean Crime Theatre! | + | '''TV Announcer:''' And now, back to Crustacean Crime Theatre! |
| − | (Cut to shot of B/W TV show with a crustacean sleeping on the ocean floor wearing a traditional crab shell. A bigger crab | + | (Cut to shot of B/W TV show with a crustacean sleeping on the ocean floor wearing a traditional crab shell called a hermit crab. A bigger crab shows up, laughing menacingly, and steals the little crab’s shell. The little crab wakes up suddenly. The bigger crab |
| − | shows up, laughing menacingly, and steals the little crab’s shell. The little crab wakes up suddenly. The bigger crab | + | |
runs away.)<br> | runs away.)<br> | ||
| − | Little Crab: Stop! Thief! | + | '''Little Crab:''' Stop! Thief! |
(Some policemen show up.)<br> | (Some policemen show up.)<br> | ||
| − | Cop #1: Which way | + | '''Cop #1:''' Which way where me times <br> |
| − | Little Crab: | + | '''Little Crab: Uh Oh <br> |
| − | (The policemen run after the thief and catch him. Cut to shot of jail bars going down with the crab | + | (The policemen run after the thief and catch him. Cut to shot of jail bars going down with the crab little crab behind it)<br> |
| − | + | (Cut to shot of Mr. Krabs, SpongeBob and Patrick watching the tv)<br> | |
| − | + | '''Mr. Krabs:''' What a no-good eel-in-a-kelp that guy was. There ain’t nothing worse than a thief. Thieves need to be locked up | |
| + | forever. They should all be strung up by their gills and forced to breathe air.<br> | ||
| − | Mr Krabs | + | '''SpongeBob:''' But, Mr. Krabs, what about all the stuff you stole?<br> |
| − | + | ||
| − | + | '''Mr. Krabs:''' What do you mean?<br> | |
| − | Mr Krabs | + | '''SpongeBob:''' (points to barrel Mr. Krabs is standing on) Like that barrel. It says property of Salty Sea Farms.<br> |
| − | + | '''Mr. Krabs:''' (jumps off of barrel) Oh, that’s where I rent me pickles from.<br> | |
| − | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Are you renting the barrel, too?<br> | |
| − | + | '''Mr. Krabs:''' Well, no.<br> | |
| − | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Then you bought it?<br> | |
| − | + | '''Mr. Krabs:''' No.<br> | |
| − | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Then, isn’t that stealing?<br> | |
| − | + | '''Mr. Krabs:''' Well, I, uhh…<br> | |
| − | + | '''Patrick''': (holds up a hot boiling towel from the “Sizzling Spring Sauna”) What about this towel from the Sizzling Spring Sauna?<br> | |
| − | + | '''Mr. Krabs:''' Umm…<br> | |
| − | + | '''SpongeBob:''' (holds up phone)…And this Bikini Bell phone?<br> | |
| − | + | '''Mr. Krabs:''' Well, I…<br> | |
| − | + | '''Patrick''': (holds up hedge clippers) …And Sandy’s hedge clippers?<br> | |
| − | + | '''Mr. Krabs:''' Oh, there…<br> | |
| − | + | '''SpongeBob:''' (holds up mini-lawn mower) …And Plankton’s lawn mower?<br> | |
| − | + | '''Mr. Krabs:''' Well, he…<br> | |
| − | + | '''SpongeBob:''' (holds up hair curlers) Even Mr.s. Puff’s hair curlers?<br> | |
| − | + | '''Mr. Krabs:''' (grabs it) That one was a gift! Listen, all that stuff is, uhh, borrowed!<br> | |
| − | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Borrowed? Well, that’s a relief. I thought you took it without permission.<br> | |
| − | + | '''Mr. Krabs:''' Ahh, permission’s permission. You can borrow anything you want, anytime, as long as if you give it back before | |
| − | + | ||
| − | + | ||
it’s missed. Everyone knows that. Right?<br> | it’s missed. Everyone knows that. Right?<br> | ||
| − | SpongeBob & Patrick: (raises fist in air) O.k.<br> | + | '''SpongeBob & '''Patrick''':''' (raises fist in air) O.k.<br> |
| − | Mr Krabs: All right then! (Hugs them) Hugs! (Shoves them out of the K.K.) You put in a hard day’s work, boys.<br> | + | '''Mr. Krabs:''' All right then! (Hugs them) Hugs! (Shoves them out of the K.K.) You put in a hard day’s work, boys.<br> |
| − | Patrick: But I don’t work here!<br> | + | '''Patrick''': But I don’t work here!<br> |
| − | Mr Krabs: See you later! (Takes out Mrs. Puff’s hair curlers) Oh, that was a close one.<br> | + | '''Mr. Krabs:''' See you later! (Takes out Mrs. Puff’s hair curlers) Oh, that was a close one.<br> |
(Bubbles go up as the scene changes to Bikini Bottom Park, where people are frolicking and gamboling around. SpongeBob | (Bubbles go up as the scene changes to Bikini Bottom Park, where people are frolicking and gamboling around. SpongeBob | ||
and Patrick walk around slouching, making them look like idiots’. They talk like one, too.)<br> | and Patrick walk around slouching, making them look like idiots’. They talk like one, too.)<br> | ||
| − | SpongeBob: What do you want to do today?<br> | + | '''SpongeBob:''' What do you want to do today?<br> |
| − | Patrick: I don’t know. What do you want to do today?<br> | + | '''Patrick''': I don’t know. What do you want to do today?<br> |
| − | SpongeBob: I don’t know. What do you want to do today?<br> | + | '''SpongeBob:''' I don’t know. What do you want to do today?<br> |
| − | Patrick: I don’t know. What do you want to do today?<br> | + | '''Patrick''': I don’t know. What do you want to do today?<br> |
| − | SpongeBob: I don’t know. What do you want to do today?<br> | + | '''SpongeBob:''' I don’t know. What do you want to do today?<br> |
| − | (Patrick stops after | + | (Patrick stops after SpongeBob)<br> |
| − | Patrick: (gasp) I know what I want to do today! I need some money. (Patrick looks in both his empty pockets, and then | + | '''Patrick''': Wait SpongeBob. Is there store balloons (gasp) I know what I want to do today! I need some money. (Patrick looks in both his empty pockets, and then |
decides to look in his belly button. All that is there are some lint, a paper clip and a ticket) Oh, I don’t have any | decides to look in his belly button. All that is there are some lint, a paper clip and a ticket) Oh, I don’t have any | ||
| − | money | + | money! (Pleading to SpongeBob) SpongeBob! I want a balloon really, really badly! (His eye veins start growing.) REALLY, |
REALLY BADLY! (Backs off)<br> | REALLY BADLY! (Backs off)<br> | ||
| − | SpongeBob: It’s okay, Patrick. There’s lots of money in the First National Bank of SpongeBob. (Makes a rainbow appear out | + | '''SpongeBob:''' It’s okay, Patrick. There’s lots of money in the First National Bank of SpongeBob. (Makes a rainbow appear out |
of nowhere. They jump on the rainbow and travel to the other side, where a black pot can be found. SpongeBob picks it up | of nowhere. They jump on the rainbow and travel to the other side, where a black pot can be found. SpongeBob picks it up | ||
and turns it over. Nothing.)<br> | and turns it over. Nothing.)<br> | ||
| − | SpongeBob: Uh oh, I’m broke, too. Maybe we could borrow money from Squidward?<br> | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Uh oh, I’m broke, too. Maybe we could borrow money from Squidward?<br> |
| − | Patrick: No, wait! Instead of borrowing the money, why don’t we just borrow the balloon?<br> | + | ''''''Patrick''': '''No, wait! Instead of borrowing the money, why don’t we just borrow the balloon!?<br> |
| − | SpongeBob: Yeah, like Mr. Krabs!<br> | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Yeah, like Mr. Krabs!<br> |
| − | Patrick: It’s just borrowing, right?<br> | + | '''Patrick''': It’s just borrowing, right?<br> |
| − | SpongeBob: Yeah, and borrowing is okay as long as we bring it back, right?<br> | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Yeah, and borrowing is okay as long as we bring it back, right?<br> |
| − | Patrick: Right!<br> | + | ''''''Patrick''': Right!<br> |
(SpongeBob swiftly, but smoothly grabs the balloon while the balloon salesman gives a kid a balloon. They run off to the | (SpongeBob swiftly, but smoothly grabs the balloon while the balloon salesman gives a kid a balloon. They run off to the | ||
city to play with it.)<br> | city to play with it.)<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: This is | + | '''Patrick''': This is so great!<br> |
| − | SpongeBob: We’re going to have so much fun! First we can run with the balloon!<br> | + | '''SpongeBob:''' We’re going to have so much fun! First we can run with the balloon!<br> |
| − | Patrick: Yeah, then we can go to the beach with the balloon!<br> | + | '''Patrick''': Yeah, then we can go to the beach with the balloon!<br> |
| − | SpongeBob: Yeah, then we can take a bike ride with the balloon, then we can go to the movies and the arcade and the ice | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Yeah, then we can take a bike ride with the balloon, then we can go to the movies and the arcade and the zoo and the ice rink and the pizza shop!<br> |
| − | rink and the pizza shop!<br> | + | |
| − | Patrick: And the moon and the sky and under a car, behind the dumpster!<br> | + | '''Patrick''': And the moon and the sky and under a car, behind the dumpster!<br> |
| − | SpongeBob: And the candy shop!<br> | + | '''SpongeBob:''' And the candy shop!<br> |
| − | Patrick: And then my backyard!<br> | + | '''Patrick''': And then my backyard!<br> |
| − | SpongeBob: And in a plane!<br> | + | '''SpongeBob:''' And in a plane!<br> |
| − | Patrick: And over a rock!<br> | + | '''Patrick''': And over a rock!<br> |
| − | SpongeBob: And under a hill!<br> | + | '''SpongeBob:''' And under a hill!<br> |
| − | Patrick: And with a whale!<br> | + | '''Patrick''': And with a whale!<br> |
| − | + | '''SpongeBob and '''Patrick''':''' We love borrowing!<br> | |
| − | ( | + | (Before SpongeBob and Patrick can do anything about it, an unseen archer pops the balloon with a bow and arrow. Both of them look flabbergasted and sullen.)<br> |
| − | SpongeBob: | + | '''SpongeBob and Patrick:''' (both imitate the others facial expressions) Sing' A Mary had a little lamb whose fleece was white as float <br> |
| − | + | '''Patrick''': How are we going to return it now SpongeBob!?<br> | |
| − | + | '''SpongeBob:''' (On the ground, picking up the balloon shards) I got the pieces!<br> | |
| − | + | '''Patrick''': (put his hands in the, umm, “air”) I got the air!<br> | |
| − | Patrick: (put | + | '''SpongeBob and Patrick:''' (The two hectically try to put the two components back together, but can’t.) No More, I Need It!<br> |
| − | + | '''SpongeBob:''' We popped the balloon! We can’t return it! We’re thieves! We have to confess?!<br> | |
| − | + | '''Patrick''': Confess? Are you out of your mind? Do you have any idea what they do to people like us? We’re not talking about | |
| + | some dumb mail fraud scheme or a highjacking here, WE STOLE A BALLOON! And they’re going to lock us up forever!<br> | ||
| − | + | '''SpongeBob:''' (covering Patrick’s mouth so no one can hear him) You’re right, we’ve just got to keep our heads. Act normal. | |
| − | + | ||
| − | + | ||
| − | SpongeBob: (covering Patrick’s mouth so no one can hear him) You’re right, we’ve just got to keep our heads. Act normal. | + | |
(They start acting stupid, body jumping on the ground, wailing and pulling their selves by their tongue)<br> | (They start acting stupid, body jumping on the ground, wailing and pulling their selves by their tongue)<br> | ||
| − | Pedestrian: Wow, street performers!<br> | + | '''Pedestrian:''' Wow, street performers!<br> |
(A crowd gathers around admiring the show)<br> | (A crowd gathers around admiring the show)<br> | ||
| − | + | '''SpongeBob and Patrick:''' (yelling) It’s not working! | |
| + | |||
| + | '''Squidward (offscreen)''' I really thought it would work. | ||
| + | |||
| + | '''SpongeBob & '''Patrick''':''' Ah!<br> | ||
(They run away, smacking into the balloon cart)<br> | (They run away, smacking into the balloon cart)<br> | ||
| − | Lou: Hi there!<br> | + | '''Lou:''' Hi there!<br> |
(They scream and run away. The salesman looks confused)<br> | (They scream and run away. The salesman looks confused)<br> | ||
| − | Lou: Hey! Don’t you want a free balloon? It’s National Free Balloon Day!<br> | + | '''Lou:''' Hey! Don’t you want a free balloon? It’s National Free Balloon Day!<br> |
(Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick running)<br> | (Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick running)<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: He’s onto us!<br> | + | '''Patrick''': He’s onto us!<br> |
| − | SpongeBob: It’s not safe for Bikini Bottom anymore. We’ve got to move fast and cover our tracks.<br> | + | '''SpongeBob:''' It’s not safe for Bikini Bottom anymore. We’ve got to move fast and cover our tracks.<br> |
| − | Patrick: (running while carrying a can of red paint and making a line of red paint on the sand) I’m on it, SpongeBob!<br> | + | '''Patrick''': (running while carrying a can of red paint and making a line of red paint on the sand) I’m on it, SpongeBob!<br> |
(Cut to the top of a cliff outside of Bikini Bottom. SpongeBob and Patrick are looking at the whole B.B. saddened)<br> | (Cut to the top of a cliff outside of Bikini Bottom. SpongeBob and Patrick are looking at the whole B.B. saddened)<br> | ||
| − | SpongeBob: Take a last look Patrick. We can never go back.<br> | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Take a last look Patrick. We can never go back.<br> |
| − | Patrick: (waving) Good-bye Bikini Bottom.<br> | + | '''Patrick''': (waving) Good-bye Bikini Bottom.<br> |
| − | SpongeBob: (picking up hobo stick) We’ve only got ourselves and what we can carry on our backs.<br> | + | '''SpongeBob:''' (picking up hobo stick) We’ve only got ourselves and what we can carry on our backs.<br> |
| − | Patrick: (Picks up stick with the cloth wrapped around his rock house) Yeah.<br> | + | '''Patrick''': (Picks up stick with the cloth wrapped around his rock house) Yeah.<br> |
| − | SpongeBob: We’re going to have to travel lighter.<br> | + | '''SpongeBob:''' We’re going to have to travel lighter.<br> |
(They walk off into the sunset. Cut to next scene. SpongeBob and Patrick are sitting next to a burning fire)<br> | (They walk off into the sunset. Cut to next scene. SpongeBob and Patrick are sitting next to a burning fire)<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: I want to go home.<br> | + | '''Patrick''': I want to go home.<br> |
| − | SpongeBob: We can never go home, Pat; We’re wanted men. We’ll spend the rest of our lives running…running, but at least | + | '''SpongeBob:''' We can never go home, Pat; We’re wanted men. We’ll spend the rest of our lives running…running, but at least |
it’s warmer on the fire.<br> | it’s warmer on the fire.<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: Hey, if we’re underwater, how could there be a…<br> | + | '''Patrick''': Hey, if we’re underwater, how could there be a…<br> |
(The fire dissolves)<br> | (The fire dissolves)<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: I’m scared, SpongeBob.<br> | + | '''Patrick''': I’m scared, SpongeBob.<br> |
| − | SpongeBob: No more nice, warm beds.<br> | + | '''SpongeBob:''' No more nice, warm beds.<br> |
| − | Patrick: Uhh!<br> | + | '''Patrick''': Uhh!<br> |
| − | SpongeBob: (saddened) No more Krabby Patties. No more getting mail. No more Gary. No more movies. No more Squidward. No | + | '''SpongeBob:''' (saddened) No more Krabby Patties. No more getting mail/nailed. No more Gary. No more movies. No more Squidward. No more Sandy or Pearl or Mr. Krabs. No more anything! <br> |
| − | more Sandy or Pearl or Mr. Krabs. No more anything | + | |
| − | Patrick: (crying) I want ice cream!<br> | + | '''Patrick''': (crying) I want ice cream!<br> |
| − | SpongeBob: (sniffling) But it doesn’t have to be all bad, right? I mean, at least we have each other.<br> | + | '''SpongeBob:''' (sniffling) But it doesn’t have to be all bad, right? I mean, at least we have each other.<br> |
| − | Patrick: (losing sadness) Yeah!<br> | + | '''Patrick''': (losing sadness) Yeah!<br> |
| − | SpongeBob: And all that running is good for your buns and thighs, right?<br> | + | '''SpongeBob:''' And all that running is good for your buns and thighs, right?<br> |
| − | (A picture of a strong, muscular | + | (A picture of a strong, muscular man shows up. He is wearing shirt nothing but blood-styled pant.)<br> |
| − | Muscleman: | + | '''Muscleman:''' Yeah! Buns and thighs! <br> |
(Back to fire scene)<br> | (Back to fire scene)<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: And the bitter cold, it’s bracing, isn’t it?<br> | + | '''Patrick''': And the bitter cold, it’s bracing, isn’t it?<br> |
| − | SpongeBob: (looking like a cubic snowman) Yeah! Maybe being a felon could be…(breaks out of snowman) …fun! (Loosening | + | '''SpongeBob:''' (looking like a cubic snowman) Yeah! Maybe being a felon could be…(breaks out of snowman) …fun! (Loosening |
tie) We can loosen our ties.<br> | tie) We can loosen our ties.<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: Yeah! (Unloosens tie from his head. The tie was wrapped tightly on his temple. The air bubble stuck in there | + | '''Patrick''': Yeah! (Unloosens tie from his head. The tie was wrapped tightly on his temple. The air bubble stuck in there |
deflates. Patrick jumps, waving his hands) And we can fly!<br> | deflates. Patrick jumps, waving his hands) And we can fly!<br> | ||
| − | SpongeBob: (jumping) Yeah!<br> | + | '''SpongeBob:''' (jumping) Yeah!<br> |
(SpongeBob jumps too close to the edge of the cliff and falls screaming and hit’s the ground with a thud)<br> | (SpongeBob jumps too close to the edge of the cliff and falls screaming and hit’s the ground with a thud)<br> | ||
| − | SpongeBob: (echoing from the bottom) Okay, we can’t still do that. (Coming back to Patrick) But we don’t have to | + | '''SpongeBob:''' (echoing from the bottom) Okay, we can’t still do that. (Coming back to Patrick) But we don’t have to |
shave.<br> | shave.<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: I’m way ahead of you buddy (shows SpongeBob his hairy legs)<br> | + | '''Patrick''': I’m way ahead of you buddy (shows SpongeBob his hairy legs)<br> |
| − | SpongeBob: And you get to talk tough! (Transforming his head into a 10-gallon hat, imitating a cowboy) This town ain’t | + | '''SpongeBob:''' And you get to talk tough! (Transforming his head into a 10-gallon hat, imitating a cowboy) This town ain’t |
big enough for the two of us.<br> | big enough for the two of us.<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: Uh, let me try: Uh…hey | + | '''Patrick''': Uh, let me try: Uh…hey punk! (Laughing at himself)<br> |
| − | SpongeBob: And the best part is: now that we’re felons, we don’t have to return anything we borrowed!<br> | + | '''SpongeBob:''' And the best part is: now that we’re felons, we don’t have to return anything we borrowed!<br> |
| − | Both: (jumping for joy) Yeah!<br> | + | '''Both:''' (jumping for joy) Yeah!<br> |
| − | Patrick: (points to SpongeBob) And we owe it all to you.<br> | + | '''Patrick''': (points to SpongeBob) And we owe it all to you.<br> |
| − | SpongeBob: What are you talking about? Taking the balloon was your evil plan.<br> | + | '''SpongeBob:''' What are you talking about? Taking the balloon was your evil plan.<br> |
| − | Patrick: Doh, I’m nothing but a lot of talk, you’re the one with the sticky fingers.<br> | + | '''Patrick''': Doh, I’m nothing but a lot of talk, you’re the one with the sticky fingers.<br> |
| − | SpongeBob: Ahh, Patrick, you’re the best bad influence ever.<br> | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Ahh, Patrick, you’re the best bad influence ever.<br> |
| − | Patrick: You, too! (Hugs) I wish we had something to eat, though.<br> | + | '''Patrick''': You, too! (Hugs) Oh, and one more thing, I wish we had something to eat, though.<br> |
| − | SpongeBob: (taking two chocolate bars out of his pants) Look what I’ve got!<br> | + | '''SpongeBob:''' (taking two chocolate bars out of his pants) Look what I’ve got!<br> |
| − | Patrick: (cheering) Rectangles!<br> | + | '''Patrick''': (cheering) Rectangles!<br> |
| − | SpongeBob: Not just any | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Not just any rectangles… candy bars! (Patrick stares at it, amazed)<br> |
| − | Patrick: Ohh!<br> | + | '''Patrick''': Ohh!<br> |
| − | SpongeBob: All we have to do is make them last for the rest of our lives | + | '''SpongeBob:''' All we have to do is make them last for the rest of our lives! (Gives one to Patrick)<br> |
| − | Patrick: Thanks SpongeBob | + | '''Patrick''': Thanks SpongeBob! (Stupidly) I think I’ll eat it now! (Takes big bite of the still-wrapped chocolate bar, |
| − | finishes the rest and then sighs) I think I’ll eat it now | + | finishes the rest and then sighs) I think I’ll eat it now! (Takes another big bite, but realizes it’s just his hand) Ow! |
| − | Where’d my candy bar go? (Starts digging in sand) I must have dropped it | + | Where’d my candy bar go? (Starts digging in sand) I must have dropped it!<br> |
| − | SpongeBob: You just ate it | + | '''SpongeBob:''' You just ate it Pat. It’s all over your face.<br> |
| − | Patrick: (still looking) Where’d it go? I’m | + | '''Patrick''': (still looking) Where’d it go?! I’m gonna to starve! (Digs a big hole) Where’d it go?!<br> |
(The sand from Patrick’s digging-like-a-dog covers SpongeBob. Patrick’s head pops up under SpongeBob)<br> | (The sand from Patrick’s digging-like-a-dog covers SpongeBob. Patrick’s head pops up under SpongeBob)<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: I can’t find it! Where could it possibly be? (Looks up and sees SpongeBob with his candy bar) Ah hah!<br> | + | '''Patrick''': I can’t find it! Where could it possibly be?! (Looks up and sees SpongeBob with his candy bar) Ah hah!<br> |
| − | SpongeBob: What?<br> | + | '''SpongeBob:''' What?<br> |
| − | Patrick: (jumps out of the hole, points at SpongeBob) You stole my candy bar!<br> | + | '''Patrick''': (jumps out of the hole, points at SpongeBob) You stole my candy bar!<br> |
| − | SpongeBob: No, I didn’t.<br> | + | '''SpongeBob:''' No, I didn’t.<br> |
| − | Patrick: Oh, so that’s how it is, huh? Once a thief always a thief.<br> | + | '''Patrick''': Oh, so that’s how it is, huh? Once a thief always a thief.<br> |
| − | SpongeBob: You ate | + | '''SpongeBob:''' You ate yours. (points to his candy bar) This is mine.<br> |
| − | Patrick: You took my only food | + | '''Patrick''': You took my only food! (camera pans down to show Patrick’s stomach blasting with cellulite) Now I’m going to starve!<br> |
| − | starve | + | |
| − | SpongeBob: (nicely) Here Patrick, just take half of mine.<br> | + | '''SpongeBob:''' (nicely) Here Patrick, just take half of mine.<br> |
| − | Patrick: Yours? You mean mine | + | '''Patrick''': Yours? You mean mine!<br> |
| − | SpongeBob: Do you want it or what?<br> | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Do you want it or what?<br> |
| − | Patrick: I don’t want it unless you admit you took it | + | '''Patrick''': I don’t want it unless you admit you took it!<br> |
| − | SpongeBob: This is my candy bar | + | '''SpongeBob:''' This is my candy bar!<br> |
| − | Patrick: Liar, liar, plants for hire | + | '''Patrick''': Liar, liar, plants for hire!<br> |
| − | SpongeBob: It’s | + | '''SpongeBob:''' It’s pants on fire Patrick.<br> |
| − | Patrick: Well, you would know, liar.<br> | + | '''Patrick''': Well, you would know, liar.<br> |
| − | SpongeBob: Well, if you’re going to be that way, I’ll eat it myself | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Well, if you’re going to be that way, I’ll eat it myself!<br> |
| − | Patrick: You better not | + | '''Patrick''': You'd better not.<br> |
(SpongeBob rips open the wrapper)<br> | (SpongeBob rips open the wrapper)<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: (fiercely) I’m warning you!<br> | + | '''Patrick''': (fiercely) I’m warning you!<br> |
(SpongeBob takes the candy bar closer to his mouth swaying his tongue up and down)<br> | (SpongeBob takes the candy bar closer to his mouth swaying his tongue up and down)<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: Don’t!<br> | + | '''Patrick''': Don’t!<br> |
(SpongeBob moves his tongue closer, barely touching the bar.)<br> | (SpongeBob moves his tongue closer, barely touching the bar.)<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: Stop it!<br> | + | '''Patrick''': Stop it!<br> |
(SpongeBob chomps lightly on the bar)<br> | (SpongeBob chomps lightly on the bar)<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: Don’t! Ohh!<br> | + | '''Patrick''': Don’t! Ohh!<br> |
(SpongeBob puts the bar in his wide opened mouth, his two teeth go across the surface of the bar, making a string line of | (SpongeBob puts the bar in his wide opened mouth, his two teeth go across the surface of the bar, making a string line of | ||
chocolate)<br> | chocolate)<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: Ahh!<br> | + | '''Patrick''': Ahh!<br> |
(SpongeBob puts the bar in his, what would be, ear holes and moves them left to right)<br> | (SpongeBob puts the bar in his, what would be, ear holes and moves them left to right)<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: No!<br> | + | '''Patrick''': No!<br> |
(SpongeBob licks the bar all around while Patrick screams. Then SpongeBob eats the bar.)<br> | (SpongeBob licks the bar all around while Patrick screams. Then SpongeBob eats the bar.)<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: (angrily) You’re a crazy person! I should have expected this after the way you stole that balloon.<br> | + | '''Patrick''': (angrily turns red) You’re a crazy person! I should have expected this after the way you stole that balloon.<br> |
| − | SpongeBob: Did I, Patrick, did I? Or did your criminal mind hypnotize me to steal it?<br> | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Did I, Patrick, did I? Or did your criminal mind hypnotize me to steal it?<br> |
| − | Patrick: Ohh, that’s it.<br> | + | '''Patrick''': Ohh, that’s it.<br> |
(Patrick stomps his foot down on the firewood. The fire lights up again. Patrick screams.)<br> | (Patrick stomps his foot down on the firewood. The fire lights up again. Patrick screams.)<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: First the balloon, now my candy bar. You’re out of control. I… (menacingly) I’m telling on you!<br> | + | '''Patrick''': First the balloon, now my candy bar. You’re out of control. I… (menacingly) I’m telling on you!<br> |
| − | SpongeBob: (gasps) Not if I tell on you first! (runs away, toward the direction of the B.B. police department)<br> | + | '''SpongeBob:''' (gasps) Not if I tell on you first! (runs away, toward the direction of the B.B. police department)<br> |
| − | Patrick: I’ll beat you there. (runs)<br> | + | '''Patrick''': I’ll beat you there. (runs)<br> |
(The two are in a daftly race to the police department)<br> | (The two are in a daftly race to the police department)<br> | ||
| − | SpongeBob: You’re going to get in trouble.<br> | + | '''SpongeBob:''' You’re going to get in trouble.<br> |
| − | Patrick: No, you are!<br> | + | '''Patrick''': No, you are!<br> |
(The two finally reach the B.B.P.D. gasping. They going inside and all start to talk at once.)<br> | (The two finally reach the B.B.P.D. gasping. They going inside and all start to talk at once.)<br> | ||
| − | Officer Durado: What can I do for you boys?<br> | + | '''Officer Durado:''' What can I do for you boys?<br> |
Both: (they look at each other) We stole a balloon! (they start crying)<br> | Both: (they look at each other) We stole a balloon! (they start crying)<br> | ||
| Line 397: | Line 400: | ||
(the policeman looks at them, confused. The second policeman comes up)<br> | (the policeman looks at them, confused. The second policeman comes up)<br> | ||
| − | Officer Malley: What’s the problem here?<br> | + | '''Officer Malley:''' What’s the problem here?<br> |
| − | Officer Durado: Well, it appears these two stole a balloon.<br> | + | '''Officer Durado:''' Well, it appears these two stole a balloon.<br> |
SpongeBob: (still crying) What are you going to do to us?<br> | SpongeBob: (still crying) What are you going to do to us?<br> | ||
| Line 405: | Line 408: | ||
(The policemen, uh, policefish whisper to each other)<br> | (The policemen, uh, policefish whisper to each other)<br> | ||
| − | Officer Duraldo: Okay, follow me.<br> | + | '''Officer Duraldo:''' Okay, follow me.<br> |
| − | (The two are taking into cell | + | (The two are taking into cell 2A and the door is shut on them.) If you can’t do the time, don’t do the crime. (pauses for |
a few) Okay, time’s up. (opens cell) Now, get out.<br> | a few) Okay, time’s up. (opens cell) Now, get out.<br> | ||
| − | SpongeBob: ( | + | SpongeBob: But… But...(yelling) We stole a balloon.<br> |
| − | + | '''Officer Malley:''' Yeah, on Free Balloon Day! (laughs with coMr.ade)<br> | |
| − | (SpongeBob and Patrick are dumbfounded. Cut to scene: Outside of the | + | (SpongeBob and Patrick are dumbfounded. Cut to scene: Outside of the B.B.P.D.)<br> |
| − | + | '''Officer Durado:''' (brings out lollipops) How about some lollipops for the roads, boys?<br> | |
(They take them)<br> | (They take them)<br> | ||
| − | SpongeBob: Let’s vow not to borrow anything without permission again.<br> | + | '''SpongeBob:''' Let’s vow not to borrow anything without permission again.<br> |
| − | Patrick: You said it.<br> | + | '''Patrick''': You said it.<br> |
| − | (They put both their | + | (They put both their together, but Patrick’s is already eaten. Patrick’s mouth is covered with some lollipop residue.)<br> |
| − | + | '''Patrick''': All right! Which one of you flatfoots stole my lollipop? (Everyone starts laughing.) I mean it!<br> | |
| − | Patrick: All right! Which one of you flatfoots stole my lollipop? (Everyone starts laughing.) | + | |
| − | + | ||
| − | + | ||
{{Transcripts/Season 2}} | {{Transcripts/Season 2}} | ||
| Line 436: | Line 436: | ||
[[Category:Episode Transcripts/Season 2]] | [[Category:Episode Transcripts/Season 2]] | ||
| − | + | ||
| + | * "Which one of ya flatfoots stole my lollypop??" | ||
Latest revision as of 01:05, 28 November 2022
| Back Episode Transcript | Next Episode Transcript |
|---|---|
| Pre-Hibernation Week | Christmas Who? |
Episode Article: Life of Crime
[edit] Characters
- SpongeBob SquarePants
- Patrick Star
- Mr. Krabs
- Lou
- Officer Malley
- Officer Durado
- Sandy Cheeks (mentioned)
- Plankton (mentioned)
- Squidward Tentacles (mentioned)
- Mrs. Puff (mentioned)
- Pearl Krabs (mentioned)
- Gary the Snail (mentioned)
[edit] Dialogue
(Open at the Krusty Krab. It’s only a shot of the building. A voice comes on from the television playing inside the K.K.)
TV Announcer: And now, back to Crustacean Crime Theatre!
(Cut to shot of B/W TV show with a crustacean sleeping on the ocean floor wearing a traditional crab shell called a hermit crab. A bigger crab shows up, laughing menacingly, and steals the little crab’s shell. The little crab wakes up suddenly. The bigger crab
runs away.)
Little Crab: Stop! Thief!
(Some policemen show up.)
Cop #1: Which way where me times
Little Crab: Uh Oh
(The policemen run after the thief and catch him. Cut to shot of jail bars going down with the crab little crab behind it)
(Cut to shot of Mr. Krabs, SpongeBob and Patrick watching the tv)
Mr. Krabs: What a no-good eel-in-a-kelp that guy was. There ain’t nothing worse than a thief. Thieves need to be locked up
forever. They should all be strung up by their gills and forced to breathe air.
SpongeBob: But, Mr. Krabs, what about all the stuff you stole?
Mr. Krabs: What do you mean?
SpongeBob: (points to barrel Mr. Krabs is standing on) Like that barrel. It says property of Salty Sea Farms.
Mr. Krabs: (jumps off of barrel) Oh, that’s where I rent me pickles from.
SpongeBob: Are you renting the barrel, too?
Mr. Krabs: Well, no.
SpongeBob: Then you bought it?
Mr. Krabs: No.
SpongeBob: Then, isn’t that stealing?
Mr. Krabs: Well, I, uhh…
Patrick: (holds up a hot boiling towel from the “Sizzling Spring Sauna”) What about this towel from the Sizzling Spring Sauna?
Mr. Krabs: Umm…
SpongeBob: (holds up phone)…And this Bikini Bell phone?
Mr. Krabs: Well, I…
Patrick: (holds up hedge clippers) …And Sandy’s hedge clippers?
Mr. Krabs: Oh, there…
SpongeBob: (holds up mini-lawn mower) …And Plankton’s lawn mower?
Mr. Krabs: Well, he…
SpongeBob: (holds up hair curlers) Even Mr.s. Puff’s hair curlers?
Mr. Krabs: (grabs it) That one was a gift! Listen, all that stuff is, uhh, borrowed!
SpongeBob: Borrowed? Well, that’s a relief. I thought you took it without permission.
Mr. Krabs: Ahh, permission’s permission. You can borrow anything you want, anytime, as long as if you give it back before
it’s missed. Everyone knows that. Right?
SpongeBob & Patrick: (raises fist in air) O.k.
Mr. Krabs: All right then! (Hugs them) Hugs! (Shoves them out of the K.K.) You put in a hard day’s work, boys.
Patrick: But I don’t work here!
Mr. Krabs: See you later! (Takes out Mrs. Puff’s hair curlers) Oh, that was a close one.
(Bubbles go up as the scene changes to Bikini Bottom Park, where people are frolicking and gamboling around. SpongeBob
and Patrick walk around slouching, making them look like idiots’. They talk like one, too.)
SpongeBob: What do you want to do today?
Patrick: I don’t know. What do you want to do today?
SpongeBob: I don’t know. What do you want to do today?
Patrick: I don’t know. What do you want to do today?
SpongeBob: I don’t know. What do you want to do today?
(Patrick stops after SpongeBob)
Patrick: Wait SpongeBob. Is there store balloons (gasp) I know what I want to do today! I need some money. (Patrick looks in both his empty pockets, and then
decides to look in his belly button. All that is there are some lint, a paper clip and a ticket) Oh, I don’t have any
money! (Pleading to SpongeBob) SpongeBob! I want a balloon really, really badly! (His eye veins start growing.) REALLY,
REALLY BADLY! (Backs off)
SpongeBob: It’s okay, Patrick. There’s lots of money in the First National Bank of SpongeBob. (Makes a rainbow appear out
of nowhere. They jump on the rainbow and travel to the other side, where a black pot can be found. SpongeBob picks it up
and turns it over. Nothing.)
SpongeBob: Uh oh, I’m broke, too. Maybe we could borrow money from Squidward?
'Patrick': No, wait! Instead of borrowing the money, why don’t we just borrow the balloon!?
SpongeBob: Yeah, like Mr. Krabs!
Patrick: It’s just borrowing, right?
SpongeBob: Yeah, and borrowing is okay as long as we bring it back, right?
'Patrick: Right!
(SpongeBob swiftly, but smoothly grabs the balloon while the balloon salesman gives a kid a balloon. They run off to the
city to play with it.)
Patrick: This is so great!
SpongeBob: We’re going to have so much fun! First we can run with the balloon!
Patrick: Yeah, then we can go to the beach with the balloon!
SpongeBob: Yeah, then we can take a bike ride with the balloon, then we can go to the movies and the arcade and the zoo and the ice rink and the pizza shop!
Patrick: And the moon and the sky and under a car, behind the dumpster!
SpongeBob: And the candy shop!
Patrick: And then my backyard!
SpongeBob: And in a plane!
Patrick: And over a rock!
SpongeBob: And under a hill!
Patrick: And with a whale!
SpongeBob and Patrick: We love borrowing!
(Before SpongeBob and Patrick can do anything about it, an unseen archer pops the balloon with a bow and arrow. Both of them look flabbergasted and sullen.)
SpongeBob and Patrick: (both imitate the others facial expressions) Sing' A Mary had a little lamb whose fleece was white as float
Patrick: How are we going to return it now SpongeBob!?
SpongeBob: (On the ground, picking up the balloon shards) I got the pieces!
Patrick: (put his hands in the, umm, “air”) I got the air!
SpongeBob and Patrick: (The two hectically try to put the two components back together, but can’t.) No More, I Need It!
SpongeBob: We popped the balloon! We can’t return it! We’re thieves! We have to confess?!
Patrick: Confess? Are you out of your mind? Do you have any idea what they do to people like us? We’re not talking about
some dumb mail fraud scheme or a highjacking here, WE STOLE A BALLOON! And they’re going to lock us up forever!
SpongeBob: (covering Patrick’s mouth so no one can hear him) You’re right, we’ve just got to keep our heads. Act normal.
(They start acting stupid, body jumping on the ground, wailing and pulling their selves by their tongue)
Pedestrian: Wow, street performers!
(A crowd gathers around admiring the show)
SpongeBob and Patrick: (yelling) It’s not working!
Squidward (offscreen) I really thought it would work.
SpongeBob & Patrick: Ah!
(They run away, smacking into the balloon cart)
Lou: Hi there!
(They scream and run away. The salesman looks confused)
Lou: Hey! Don’t you want a free balloon? It’s National Free Balloon Day!
(Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick running)
Patrick: He’s onto us!
SpongeBob: It’s not safe for Bikini Bottom anymore. We’ve got to move fast and cover our tracks.
Patrick: (running while carrying a can of red paint and making a line of red paint on the sand) I’m on it, SpongeBob!
(Cut to the top of a cliff outside of Bikini Bottom. SpongeBob and Patrick are looking at the whole B.B. saddened)
SpongeBob: Take a last look Patrick. We can never go back.
Patrick: (waving) Good-bye Bikini Bottom.
SpongeBob: (picking up hobo stick) We’ve only got ourselves and what we can carry on our backs.
Patrick: (Picks up stick with the cloth wrapped around his rock house) Yeah.
SpongeBob: We’re going to have to travel lighter.
(They walk off into the sunset. Cut to next scene. SpongeBob and Patrick are sitting next to a burning fire)
Patrick: I want to go home.
SpongeBob: We can never go home, Pat; We’re wanted men. We’ll spend the rest of our lives running…running, but at least
it’s warmer on the fire.
Patrick: Hey, if we’re underwater, how could there be a…
(The fire dissolves)
Patrick: I’m scared, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: No more nice, warm beds.
Patrick: Uhh!
SpongeBob: (saddened) No more Krabby Patties. No more getting mail/nailed. No more Gary. No more movies. No more Squidward. No more Sandy or Pearl or Mr. Krabs. No more anything!
Patrick: (crying) I want ice cream!
SpongeBob: (sniffling) But it doesn’t have to be all bad, right? I mean, at least we have each other.
Patrick: (losing sadness) Yeah!
SpongeBob: And all that running is good for your buns and thighs, right?
(A picture of a strong, muscular man shows up. He is wearing shirt nothing but blood-styled pant.)
Muscleman: Yeah! Buns and thighs!
(Back to fire scene)
Patrick: And the bitter cold, it’s bracing, isn’t it?
SpongeBob: (looking like a cubic snowman) Yeah! Maybe being a felon could be…(breaks out of snowman) …fun! (Loosening
tie) We can loosen our ties.
Patrick: Yeah! (Unloosens tie from his head. The tie was wrapped tightly on his temple. The air bubble stuck in there
deflates. Patrick jumps, waving his hands) And we can fly!
SpongeBob: (jumping) Yeah!
(SpongeBob jumps too close to the edge of the cliff and falls screaming and hit’s the ground with a thud)
SpongeBob: (echoing from the bottom) Okay, we can’t still do that. (Coming back to Patrick) But we don’t have to
shave.
Patrick: I’m way ahead of you buddy (shows SpongeBob his hairy legs)
SpongeBob: And you get to talk tough! (Transforming his head into a 10-gallon hat, imitating a cowboy) This town ain’t
big enough for the two of us.
Patrick: Uh, let me try: Uh…hey punk! (Laughing at himself)
SpongeBob: And the best part is: now that we’re felons, we don’t have to return anything we borrowed!
Both: (jumping for joy) Yeah!
Patrick: (points to SpongeBob) And we owe it all to you.
SpongeBob: What are you talking about? Taking the balloon was your evil plan.
Patrick: Doh, I’m nothing but a lot of talk, you’re the one with the sticky fingers.
SpongeBob: Ahh, Patrick, you’re the best bad influence ever.
Patrick: You, too! (Hugs) Oh, and one more thing, I wish we had something to eat, though.
SpongeBob: (taking two chocolate bars out of his pants) Look what I’ve got!
Patrick: (cheering) Rectangles!
SpongeBob: Not just any rectangles… candy bars! (Patrick stares at it, amazed)
Patrick: Ohh!
SpongeBob: All we have to do is make them last for the rest of our lives! (Gives one to Patrick)
Patrick: Thanks SpongeBob! (Stupidly) I think I’ll eat it now! (Takes big bite of the still-wrapped chocolate bar,
finishes the rest and then sighs) I think I’ll eat it now! (Takes another big bite, but realizes it’s just his hand) Ow!
Where’d my candy bar go? (Starts digging in sand) I must have dropped it!
SpongeBob: You just ate it Pat. It’s all over your face.
Patrick: (still looking) Where’d it go?! I’m gonna to starve! (Digs a big hole) Where’d it go?!
(The sand from Patrick’s digging-like-a-dog covers SpongeBob. Patrick’s head pops up under SpongeBob)
Patrick: I can’t find it! Where could it possibly be?! (Looks up and sees SpongeBob with his candy bar) Ah hah!
SpongeBob: What?
Patrick: (jumps out of the hole, points at SpongeBob) You stole my candy bar!
SpongeBob: No, I didn’t.
Patrick: Oh, so that’s how it is, huh? Once a thief always a thief.
SpongeBob: You ate yours. (points to his candy bar) This is mine.
Patrick: You took my only food! (camera pans down to show Patrick’s stomach blasting with cellulite) Now I’m going to starve!
SpongeBob: (nicely) Here Patrick, just take half of mine.
Patrick: Yours? You mean mine!
SpongeBob: Do you want it or what?
Patrick: I don’t want it unless you admit you took it!
SpongeBob: This is my candy bar!
Patrick: Liar, liar, plants for hire!
SpongeBob: It’s pants on fire Patrick.
Patrick: Well, you would know, liar.
SpongeBob: Well, if you’re going to be that way, I’ll eat it myself!
Patrick: You'd better not.
(SpongeBob rips open the wrapper)
Patrick: (fiercely) I’m warning you!
(SpongeBob takes the candy bar closer to his mouth swaying his tongue up and down)
Patrick: Don’t!
(SpongeBob moves his tongue closer, barely touching the bar.)
Patrick: Stop it!
(SpongeBob chomps lightly on the bar)
Patrick: Don’t! Ohh!
(SpongeBob puts the bar in his wide opened mouth, his two teeth go across the surface of the bar, making a string line of
chocolate)
Patrick: Ahh!
(SpongeBob puts the bar in his, what would be, ear holes and moves them left to right)
Patrick: No!
(SpongeBob licks the bar all around while Patrick screams. Then SpongeBob eats the bar.)
Patrick: (angrily turns red) You’re a crazy person! I should have expected this after the way you stole that balloon.
SpongeBob: Did I, Patrick, did I? Or did your criminal mind hypnotize me to steal it?
Patrick: Ohh, that’s it.
(Patrick stomps his foot down on the firewood. The fire lights up again. Patrick screams.)
Patrick: First the balloon, now my candy bar. You’re out of control. I… (menacingly) I’m telling on you!
SpongeBob: (gasps) Not if I tell on you first! (runs away, toward the direction of the B.B. police department)
Patrick: I’ll beat you there. (runs)
(The two are in a daftly race to the police department)
SpongeBob: You’re going to get in trouble.
Patrick: No, you are!
(The two finally reach the B.B.P.D. gasping. They going inside and all start to talk at once.)
Officer Durado: What can I do for you boys?
Both: (they look at each other) We stole a balloon! (they start crying)
(the policeman looks at them, confused. The second policeman comes up)
Officer Malley: What’s the problem here?
Officer Durado: Well, it appears these two stole a balloon.
SpongeBob: (still crying) What are you going to do to us?
(The policemen, uh, policefish whisper to each other)
Officer Duraldo: Okay, follow me.
(The two are taking into cell 2A and the door is shut on them.) If you can’t do the time, don’t do the crime. (pauses for
a few) Okay, time’s up. (opens cell) Now, get out.
SpongeBob: But… But...(yelling) We stole a balloon.
Officer Malley: Yeah, on Free Balloon Day! (laughs with coMr.ade)
(SpongeBob and Patrick are dumbfounded. Cut to scene: Outside of the B.B.P.D.)
Officer Durado: (brings out lollipops) How about some lollipops for the roads, boys?
(They take them)
SpongeBob: Let’s vow not to borrow anything without permission again.
Patrick: You said it.
(They put both their together, but Patrick’s is already eaten. Patrick’s mouth is covered with some lollipop residue.)
Patrick: All right! Which one of you flatfoots stole my lollipop? (Everyone starts laughing.) I mean it!
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- "Which one of ya flatfoots stole my lollypop??"
