Episode Transcript: Club SpongeBob

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Episode Article: [[Club SpongeBob]]
+
Episode Article: [[Club SpongeBob (Episode)|Club SpongeBob]]
  
 
==Characters==
 
==Characters==
*[[SpongeBob]]
+
*[[SpongeBob SquarePants|SpongeBob]]
*[[Patrick]]
+
*[[Patrick Star|Patrick]]
*[[Squidward]]
+
*[[Squidward Tentacles|Squidward]]
 
*[[Magic Conch Shell]]
 
*[[Magic Conch Shell]]
 +
*[[Explorer]]
  
(Scene starts with Squidward coming out of his with a bicycle.)<br>
+
==Dialogue==
 +
(episode starts with Squidward coming out of his house with a bicycle and putting on his work hat before heading to work. He passes a beanstalk-like vine which has a treehouse in it and in it is SpongeBob and Patrick, who are giggling)
  
Spongebob and Patrick: (Giggling)<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Wey wook.. it's Widward!!
  
Spongebob: Whey wook.. it's Wuidward!!<br>
+
'''Squidward''': What? (SpongeBob and Patrick laugh)
  
Squidward: What?<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Widward's woing to work. (he and Patrick laugh)
  
Spongebob and Patrick: (laughter)<br>
+
'''Patrick''': Where...does he work? Wat the Wusty Wab? (he and SpongeBob laugh)
  
Spongebob: Wuidward's woing to work.<br>
+
'''Squidward''': What's that supposed to mean? Some kind of stupid secret code?
  
Spongebob and Patrick: (laughter)<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': We can't tell you because you're not a member of the club.
  
Patrick: Where...does he work? At the Wusty Wrab?<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Oh yeah? What does it take to be a member? Besides being a moron... Hahaha...moron...as a requirement... hahaha...  
  
Spongebob and Patrick: (laughter)<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Sorry, Squidward. But you couldn't even get in even if you tried!
  
Squidward: What's that supposed to mean? Some kind of stupid secret code?<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Well, I'll have you know that I am a member of over 20 exclusive clubs all over the sea bottom.
  
Spongebob: We can't tell you because your not a member of the club.<br>
+
'''Patrick''': What'd he say?
  
Squidward: Oh yeah? What does it take to be a member? Besides being a moron... Hahaha...moron...as a
+
'''SpongeBob''': I dunno, something about his nose?
requirement...hahaha...<br>
+
  
Spongebob: Sorry Squidward.. but you couldn't even get in if you tried!!<br>
+
'''Patrick''': Squidward, you and your nose will definitely NOT fit in!
  
Squidward: Well I'll have you know.. that I am a member of over 20 exclusive clubs all over the sea bottom.<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Oh what do two you zeros know about fitting in? (climbs vine) Why...you should be begging me to join!!
  
Patrick: What'd he say?<br>
+
'''SpongeBob and Patrick''': No, no, no! Stop! You can't join! You can't get in! (Squidward squeezes himself in and gets stuck inside the tree house)
  
Spongebob: I dunno.. something about his nose? <br>
+
'''Squidward''': Well, this is stupid... there's no room up here!
  
Patrick: Squidward.. you and your nose will definitely NOT fit in!!<br>
+
'''Patrick''': That's what we've been trying to tell you!
  
Squidward: Oh what do two you zeros know about fitting in?
+
'''SpongeBob''': We've been stuck up here for three days.
  
(Climbs vine)<br>
+
'''Patrick''': We told you you wouldn't fit in. (Squidward sneers)
  
Squidward: Why...you should be begging me to join!!<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Well, since you're here Squidward, we'll give you the new member initiation. Are you ready Patrick?
  
Spongebob and Patrick: No no no!! Stop.. you can't get in!!<br>
+
'''Patrick''': Ready! (they clap hands and sing)
  
(Squidward gets stuck in the treehouse)<br>
+
'''Music:''' [[Welcome to Our Club! (Song)]]  
 
+
Squidward: Well this is stupid.. there's no room up here!!<br>
+
 
+
Patrick: That's what we've been trying to tell you!!<br>
+
 
+
Spongebob: We've been stuck up here for three days..<br>
+
 
+
Patrick: We told you you wouldn't fit in..<br>
+
 
+
Squidward: (sneers)<br>
+
 
+
Spongebob: Well...since you're here Squidward...we'll give you the new member initiation. Are you ready Patrick?<br>
+
 
+
Patrick: Ready!
+
 
+
'''Music:''' "[[Welcome to our Club]]"
+
  
 
  Welcome to our club,
 
  Welcome to our club,
 
  Welcome to our club.
 
  Welcome to our club.
  
Welcome Squidward
 
Welcome Squidward,
 
Welcome Squidward
 
 
  Welcome Squidward!
 
  Welcome Squidward!
 +
Welcome Squidward!
 +
Welcome Squidward!
 +
Welcome Squidward!
 +
Welcome Squidward!
 +
Wel--
  
Squidward: Shut your half-wit pieholes!! I do not now, nor will I ever, want to be a member of your stupid club!!<br>
+
'''Squidward''': (covers their mouths) Shut your half-wit pieholes! I do not now, nor will I ever, want to be a member of your stupid club!! (climbs down the vine, pulling down the beanstalk in the process. The vine holding the beanstalk snaps and it flicks backwards and Squidward and the tree house are sent flying. Screams while a couple mistake it for a shooting star)
  
(Gets to floor then vine snaps)<br>
+
'''Nancy''': Whoa!
  
Squidward: AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!<br>
+
'''Frank''': Make a wish, honey. (tree house falls into a [[Kelp Forest|kelp forest]])
  
Female Fish: Whoa!!<br>
+
'''SpongeBob and Patrick''': (both run out) Whoo!! Whoo!! Whoo!! Again!! Again!! (beating chests and flicking their tongues around) WHOLOOLOOLOOLOO...
  
Male Fish: Make a wish, honey.<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Oh, no. That didn't just happen. Please tell me that didn't happen!
  
(Treehouse falls into kelp forest)<br>
+
'''Patrick''': What happened? (Squidward moves away and frantically runs around)
  
Spongebob and Patrick: Whoo!! Whoo!! Whoo!! Again!! Again!! WHOLOOLOOLOOLOO...<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Where are we? We're lost. There's no way out! Stuck... in the middle of nowhere... with SpongeBob and Patrick!(SpongeBob and Patrick wave at Squidward, who starts crying) Why must every 11 minutes of my life be filled with misery? WHHHYY?!
  
Squidward: Oh, no. That didn't just happen. Please tell me that didn't happen!!<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Oh, cheer up, Squid. It could be worse.
  
Patrick: What happened?<br>
+
'''Patrick''': Yeah. You could be bald and have a big nose. (Squidward's nose and head deflate)
  
(Squidward moves away)<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Well, this is the end. (drops to the ground)
  
Squidward: Where are we? We're lost. There's no way out!! Stuck.. in the middle of nowhere.. with Spongebob and Patrick!!
+
'''SpongeBob''': No, it's not, Squidward!
<br>
+
  
(Spongebob and Patrick wave at Squidward crying)<br>
+
'''Patrick''': (building coffins) It's not?
  
Squidward: Why does every 11 minutes of my life be filled with misery? WHHHYY?<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Come on guys, we'll be fine! (patting Squidward's head) As long as we stick together, remember, we're a club!!
 +
WHOOOLOOOOLOOOOLOOOOLOOOO!! (flicks tongue around) And besides...we have THIS!! (pulls out the Magic Conch Shell)
  
Spongebob: Oh cheer up Squid. It could be worse.<br>
+
'''Squidward''': What's that?
  
Patrick: Yeah. You could be bald and have a big nose.<br>
+
'''Patrick''': OOOOOH! The Magic Conch Shell! Ask it something! Ask it something!
  
(Squidward's nose deflates)<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Magic Conch Shell...will I ever get married?
  
Squidward: Well.. this is the end..<br>
+
'''Magic Conch''': ''Maybe someday.''
  
Spongebob: No it's not Squidward!!<br>
+
'''SpongeBob and Patrick''': Oooohhhh...
Patrick: (building coffins) It's not?<br>
+
  
Spongebob: Come on guys, we'll be fine!! (patting Squidward's head) As long as we stick together, remember, we're a club!!
+
'''Squidward''': You've got to be kidding! That is just a STUPID toy! How can that possibly help us?
WHOOOLOOOLOOOOLLOOOOLOOOO!! And besides...we have THIS!!<br>
+
  
(Spongebob pulls out the Magic Conch Shell)<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': (gasps) Squidward, you must never question the wisdom of the Magic Conch. The club always takes it's advice
 +
before we do anything.
  
Squidward: What's that?<br>
+
'''Patrick''': The shell knows all!
  
Patrick: OOOOO!! The Magic Conch Shell!! Ask it something!! Ask it something!!<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Oh, Magic Conch...what do we have to do to get out of the Kelp Forest?
Spongebob: Magic Conch Shell...will I ever get married?<br>
+
  
Magic Conch: Maybe someday.<br>
+
'''Magic Conch''': ''Nothing.''
  
Spongebob and Patrick: Oooohhhh...<br>
+
'''Patrick''': THE SHELL HAS SPOKEN!
Squidward: You've got to be kidding!! That is just a STUPID toy!! How can that possibly help us?<br>
+
  
Spongebob: (gasp) Squidward, you must never question the wisdom of the Magic Conch. The club always takes it's advice
+
'''Squidward''': Nothing?! We can't just sit here and do NOTHING!! (SpongeBob and Patrick sit down, literally doing nothing. Gets mad) I can't believe you two are gonna take advice.. from a TOY!! (SpongeBob and Patrick still do nothing) Alright. Alright. Alright! I don't need your help. I'm gonna find my way back to sanity. But don't you two sad clowns come crying to me when your circus tent comes crashing down!! (walks away in Kelp Forest) Sad clowns.. Haha. Haha. Sad. Haha. Haha. Clowns. Haha. Haha. (cut to further in the Kelp Forest. It is now dark and Squidward is running around, scared out of his wits, startled by frogs and an owl and a leopard shark) What was that? I was already here!! Which way do I go? Ohh I'm lost!! Ohh...I'm HOPELESSLY LOST!! I'll never get out of here!! (sees light) Huh? Huh? (laughs hysterically. Lands back in the light) I'm FREE!! Take that, SpongeBob and Patrick!! Ahahaha!! Ahahaha!! (fist punches in air. Sees SpongeBob and Patrick) Ohh...there's no way out of here. (bubble-wipe to later. A stick is thrown at Patrick's head. Squidward has surrounded himself with sticks and a fire and is wearing a Chinese hat. He is also sitting on a rock) How's it going over their at Club Shell-For-Brains? Mmm mmm mmm. I am hungry. I wonder what's on the menu for Club SQUIDWARD tonight? (steps on bug) Aahhhhh... (throws bug onto pan then walks over to SpongeBob) Oooohh. Doesn't that smell good, SpongeBob? You haven't eaten in days. (walks over to Patrick) How about you, Patrick? A big boy's gotta eat. Well, you can't have any. (walks away) And do you know why, SpongeBob? Because your club president is a shell! (shakes butt at SpongeBob) If you had listened to me, you'd have food, shelter, and a roaring fire. But instead, you listen to a talking clam, (moves back to Club Squidward) that tells you NOTHING! As if the answers to all your problems will fall right out of the sky! Hahaha!! Fall right out of the sky! (airplane starts falling out of the sky)
before we do anything.<br>
+
  
Patrick: The shell knows all!!<br>
+
'''Purple Pilot:''' Dude, we're falling right out the sky! We gotta drop the load! (other pilot presses "Drop the Load" button. Airplane drops picnic supplies (including food) to where SpongeBob and Patrick are)
  
Spongebob: Oh, Magic Conch...what do we have to do to get out of the Kelp Forest?<br>
+
'''SpongeBob and Patrick''': (both smile) Praise the Magic Conch!! (flicking tongues around) WHOOOLOOOOLOOOOLOOOO! (Squidward stares at them. The bug gets up and hits him with the stick. SpongeBob and Patrick eat while laughing)
  
Magic Conch: Nothing.<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Hey uhh, SpongeBob, (he now looks like a scraggy savage) that sure is a lot of food you got there.
  
Patrick: THE SHELL HAS SPOKEN!!<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': It's a gift from the Magic Conch.
  
Squidward: Nothing?! We can't just sit here and do NOTHING!!<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Everything sure looks delicious. Oohh! [[Smoked Sausages]]! My favorite! (reaches for them but Patrick sucks them in and eats them, accidentally sucks Squidward's nose. Frees nose) Hey, uhh, SpongeBob, you know I was just kidding before earlier and I mean I'm still part of the club and I mean the club has to stick together, and uhh, uhh...
  
(Spongebob and Patrick sit down.. doing nothing)<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Squidward...
  
Squidward: (gets mad) I can't believe you two are gonna take advice.. from a TOY!!<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Yes, SpongeBob?
  
(Spongebob and Patrick still do nothing.)<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Once a member, always a member!
  
Squidward: Alright. Alright. Alright!! I don't need your help. I'm gonna find my way back to sanity. but don't you two come crying to me when your circus tent comes crashing down!!<br>
+
'''SpongeBob and Patrick''': (both clink glasses) To the club! (flicking tongues around) WHOOLOOOLOOOLOOLOOOOLOOO!!
(Walking away in kelp forest)<br>
+
  
Squidward: Sad clowns.. Haha. Haha. Sad. Haha. Haha. Clowns. Haha. Haha.<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Yeah.. Whooloolooloo.. Now if you'll excuse me... (runs to table with all the food) What should I eat first? The spaghetti, the turkey, the soup, the canned meat?
  
(Squidward runs fast and scared.)<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Why don't you ask... the Magic Conch, Squidward?
  
Squidward: What was that? I was already here!! Which way do I go? Ohh I'm lost!! Ohh...I'm HOPELESSLY LOST!! I'll never get
+
'''Squidward''': Oh, yeah, like that'll happen. Right after I consult the Magic Toenail. (SpongeBob and Patrick pull table away)
out of here!!<br>
+
  
(Sees light)<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': (gasps) Squidward, are you questioning the authority of the Magic Conch? The conch is the one who gave us this
 +
banquet.. This copyrighted conch is the cornerstone of our organization!
  
Squidward: Huh? Huh? Hhahahahahahaahhaa!! I'm FREE!! Take that Spongebob and Patrick!! Ahahaha!! Ahahaha!!<br>
+
'''Patrick''': (whispers) Maybe he's not a brother. (SpongeBob looks at Patrick wide-eyed)
  
(Fist pumps in air. Sees Spongebob and Patrick)<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Heheheh...you guys have it all wrong!! I love this little piece of plastic. (picks up Magic Conch) Hello there. Uhh, Magic Conch, I was wondering...should I have the spaghetti or the turkey?
  
Squidward: Ohh...there's no way out of here.<br>
+
'''Magic Conch''': ''Neither.''
  
(Stick is thrown at Patrick's head.. Squidward has surrounded himself with sticks and a fire)<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Oh. Well what about the soup?
Squidward: How's it going over their at Club Shell-For-Brains? Mmm mmm mmm. I am hungry. I wonder what's on the menu for
+
Club SQUIDWARD tonight?<br>
+
  
(Steps on bug)<br>
+
'''Magic Conch''': ''I don't think so.''
  
Squidward: Aahhhhh...<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Can I have anything to eat?
  
(Throws bug onto pan then walks over to Spongebob)<br>
+
'''Magic Conch''': ''No.''
  
Squidward: Oooohh.. Doesn't that smell good Spongebob? You haven't eaten in days..<br>
+
'''Squidward''': No?! What do you mean no? I'm starving here!
  
(Walks over to Patrick)<br>
+
'''Patrick''': (takes Magic Conch) Here, lemme try. Magic Conch...can Squidward have some of this yummy-delicious-super-terrific
 +
sandwich?
  
Squidward: How about you Patrick? A big boy's gotta eat.. Well you can't have any.. <br>
+
'''Magic Conch''': ''No.''
  
(Walks Away)<br>
+
'''Patrick''': Hmm.. Can I have some of this yummy-delicious-super-terrific sandwich?
  
Squidward: And do you know why Spongebob? Because your club president is a shell!!<br>
+
'''Magic Conch''': ''Yes.''
  
(Shakes butt at Spongebob)<br>
+
'''Patrick''': Alright! (vacuums in sandwich. Belches) Sorry Squidward.
  
Squidward: If you had listened to me.. you'd have food.. shelter.. and a roaring fire.. But instead.. you listen to a
+
'''Squidward''': Give me that! (takes Magic Conch) Can I have something to eat?
talking clam..<br>
+
  
(Moves back to Club Squidward)<br>
+
'''Magic Conch''': ''No.''
  
Squidward: That tells you NOTHING!! As if the answers of all your answers will fall right out of the sky!! Hahaha!! Fall
+
'''Squidward''': Can I have something to eat?
right out of the sky!!<br>
+
  
(Airplane falling out of the sky)<br>
+
'''Magic Conch''': ''No.''
  
Pilot 1: Dude!! We're falling right out the sky!! We gotta drop the load!!<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Can I have something to eat?
  
(Presses "Drop the Load" button. Drops picnic supplies (food) to where Spongebob and Patrick are)<br>
+
'''Magic Conch''': ''No.''
  
Spongebob and Patrick: Praise the Magic Conch!!<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Can't you say anything else but no?<
  
(Squidward stares and the bug gets up and hits him with the stick. Spongebob and Patrick eat)<br>
+
'''Magic Conch''': ''Try asking again.''
  
Spongebob and Patrick: Ahahahaha!!<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Can I have something to eat?
  
Squidward: Hey uhh Spongebob.. that sure is a lot of food you got there..<br>
+
'''Magic Conch''': ''No.'' (Squidward fumes. His eyes become bloodshot and veins appear in his face. He shakes his head in fury)
  
Spongebob: It's a gift from the Magic Conch..<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Squidward, are you alright? (Squidward is still getting mad)
  
Squidward: Everything sure looks delicious. Oohh!! Smoked Sausages!! My favorite!!<br>
+
'''Patrick''': Maybe we should ask the shell if he's OK.
  
(Reaches for them but Patrick sucks them in and eats them)<br>
+
'''Rescuer''': Hello? Anyone there? Hello? HELLO? Do you folks need some help? (cuts through kelp, seeing SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward, close up shows them as scruffy castaways)
  
Squidward: Hey, uhh, Spongebob, you know I was just kidding before earlier and I mean I'm still part of the club and I mean
+
'''Squidward''': I'm SAVED! (runs over to Rescuer) You don't know how happy I am to see you. I've been stranded out here for weeks.. with these two barnacle heads, and their Magic Conch Shell!
the club has to stick together, and uhh, uhh...<br>
+
  
Spongebob: Squidward...<br>
+
'''Rescuer''': Magic...Conch...Shell? (pulls out Magic Conch) YOU MEAN LIKE THIS? (he now has two big teeth)
  
Squidward: Yes, Spongebob?<br>
+
'''SpongeBob and Patrick''': The Magic Conch! A club member!
  
Spongebob: Once a member, always a member!!<br>
+
'''SpongeBob, Patrick, and Rescuer''': (flicking tongues around) WHOOLOOOLOOOLOOOLOOOO!
  
Spongebob and Patrick: (clink glasses) To the club!! WHOOLOOOLOOOLOOLOOOOLOOO!!<br>
+
'''Squidward''': (close up shows him looking at the Rescuer in shock, mumbling in disbelief) A brother?
  
Squidward: Yeah.. Whooloolooloo.. Now if you'll excuse me...
+
'''Rescuer''': The Magic Conch told me to come and save you guys!
  
(Runs to table with all the food)<br>
+
'''SpongeBob, Patrick, and Rescuer''': Hooray for the Magic Conch!
  
Squidward: What should I eat first? The spaghetti, the turkey, the soup, the canned meat?<br>
+
'''Rescuer''': Alright Magic Conch. What do we do now?
  
Spongebob: Why don't you ask.. The Magic Conch Squidward?<br>
+
'''Magic Conch''': ''Nothing.''
  
Squidward: Oh, yeah, like that'll happen. Right after I consult the Magic Toenail.<br>
+
'''SpongeBob, Patrick, and Rescuer''': All hail the Magic Conch! (they sit down doing nothing. Squidward moves behind them)<br>
  
(Spongebob and Patrick pull table away)<br>
+
'''Squidward''': (weakly) All hail the Magic Conch. (sits down with SpongeBob, Patrick, and the Rescuer)
 
+
Spongebob: (gasp) Squidward, are you questioning the authority of the Magic Conch? The Conch is the one who gave us this
+
banquet.. This copyrighted conch is the quarterstone of our organization!!<br>
+
 
+
Patrick: Maybe he's not a brother.<br>
+
 
+
(Spongebob looks at Patrick wide-eyed)<br>
+
 
+
Squidward: Hehehe...you guys have it all wrong!! I love this little piece of plastic.<br>
+
 
+
(picks up Magic Conch)<br>
+
 
+
Squidward: Hello there. Uhh, Magic Conch, I was wondering...should I have the spaghetti or the turkey?<br>
+
 
+
Magic Conch: Neither.<br>
+
 
+
Squidward: Oh. Well what about the soup?<br>
+
 
+
Magic Conch: I don't think so.<br>
+
 
+
Squidward: Can I have anything to eat?<br>
+
 
+
Magic Conch: No.<br>
+
 
+
Squidward: No?! What do you mean No? I'm starving here!!
+
 
+
Patrick: (takes Magic Conch) Here, lemme try. Magic Conch...can Squidward have some of this yummy-delicious-super terrific
+
sandwich?<br>
+
 
+
Magic Conch: No.<br>
+
 
+
Patrick: Hmm.. Can I this yummy-delicious-super-terrific sandwich?<br>
+
 
+
Magic Conch: Yes.<br>
+
 
+
Patrick: Alright!! (Vacuums in sandwich) Sorry Squidward.<br>
+
 
+
Squidward: (takes Magic Conch) Could I have something to eat?<br>
+
 
+
Magic Conch: No.<br>
+
 
+
Squidward: Could I have something to eat?<br>
+
Magic Conch: No.<br>
+
 
+
Squidward: Could I have something to eat?<br>
+
 
+
Magic Conch: No.<br>
+
 
+
Squidward: Can't you say anything else but no?<br>
+
 
+
Magic Conch: Try asking again.<br>
+
 
+
Squidward: Can I have something to eat?<br>
+
 
+
Magic Conch: NoOoOoOo<br>
+
 
+
(Squidward fumes...getting mad)<br>
+
Spongebob: Squidward, are you alright?<br>
+
 
+
(Squidward still getting mad)<br>
+
 
+
Patrick: Maybe we should ask the shell if he's ok.<br>
+
 
+
Rescuer: Hello? Anyone there? Hello? HELLO? Do you folks need some help?<br>
+
 
+
(Cuts through kelp...seeing Spongebob, Patrick, and Squidward)<br>
+
 
+
Squidward: I'm SAVED!!<br>
+
(Runs over to Rescuer)<br>
+
 
+
Squidward: You don't know how happy I am to see you.. I've been stuck out here for weeks.. with these two barnacle heads..
+
and their Magic Conch Shell!!<br>
+
 
+
Rescuer: Magic...Conch...Shell? (pulls out Magic Conch) YOU MEAN LIKE THIS? (with two big teeth)<br>
+
 
+
Spongebob and Patrick: The Magic Conch!! A club member!!<br>
+
 
+
Spongebob, Patrick, and Rescuer: WHOOLOOOLOOOLOOOLOOOO!!<br>
+
 
+
Squidward: (looking down) A brother?<br>
+
 
+
Rescuer: My conch told me to come and save you guys!!<br>
+
 
+
Spongebob, Patrick, and Rescuer: Hooray for the Magic Conches!!<br>
+
 
+
Rescuer: Alright Magic Conch.. What do we do now?<br>
+
 
+
Magic Conch: Nothing.<br>
+
 
+
Spongebob, Patrick, and Rescuer: All hail the Magic Conch!!<br>
+
 
+
(Spongebob, Patrick, and the Rescuer sit down doing nothing. Squidward moves behind them)<br>
+
 
+
Squidward: ALL HAIL THE MAGIC CONCH!!<br>
+
 
+
(Sits down with Spongebob, Patrick, and the Rescuer)
+
  
 +
{{Transcripts/Season 3}}
 
[[Category:Transcript]]
 
[[Category:Transcript]]
 
[[Category:Episode Transcripts/Season 3]]
 
[[Category:Episode Transcripts/Season 3]]
 
{{Slogan}}
 

Latest revision as of 00:24, 17 October 2024

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SpongeGuard on Duty My Pretty Seahorse

Episode Article: Club SpongeBob

[edit] Characters

[edit] Dialogue

(episode starts with Squidward coming out of his house with a bicycle and putting on his work hat before heading to work. He passes a beanstalk-like vine which has a treehouse in it and in it is SpongeBob and Patrick, who are giggling)

SpongeBob: Wey wook.. it's Widward!!

Squidward: What? (SpongeBob and Patrick laugh)

SpongeBob: Widward's woing to work. (he and Patrick laugh)

Patrick: Where...does he work? Wat the Wusty Wab? (he and SpongeBob laugh)

Squidward: What's that supposed to mean? Some kind of stupid secret code?

SpongeBob: We can't tell you because you're not a member of the club.

Squidward: Oh yeah? What does it take to be a member? Besides being a moron... Hahaha...moron...as a requirement... hahaha...

SpongeBob: Sorry, Squidward. But you couldn't even get in even if you tried!

Squidward: Well, I'll have you know that I am a member of over 20 exclusive clubs all over the sea bottom.

Patrick: What'd he say?

SpongeBob: I dunno, something about his nose?

Patrick: Squidward, you and your nose will definitely NOT fit in!

Squidward: Oh what do two you zeros know about fitting in? (climbs vine) Why...you should be begging me to join!!

SpongeBob and Patrick: No, no, no! Stop! You can't join! You can't get in! (Squidward squeezes himself in and gets stuck inside the tree house)

Squidward: Well, this is stupid... there's no room up here!

Patrick: That's what we've been trying to tell you!

SpongeBob: We've been stuck up here for three days.

Patrick: We told you you wouldn't fit in. (Squidward sneers)

SpongeBob: Well, since you're here Squidward, we'll give you the new member initiation. Are you ready Patrick?

Patrick: Ready! (they clap hands and sing)

Music: Welcome to Our Club! (Song)

Welcome to our club,
Welcome to our club.
Welcome Squidward!
Welcome Squidward!
Welcome Squidward!
Welcome Squidward!
Welcome Squidward!
Wel--

Squidward: (covers their mouths) Shut your half-wit pieholes! I do not now, nor will I ever, want to be a member of your stupid club!! (climbs down the vine, pulling down the beanstalk in the process. The vine holding the beanstalk snaps and it flicks backwards and Squidward and the tree house are sent flying. Screams while a couple mistake it for a shooting star)

Nancy: Whoa!

Frank: Make a wish, honey. (tree house falls into a kelp forest)

SpongeBob and Patrick: (both run out) Whoo!! Whoo!! Whoo!! Again!! Again!! (beating chests and flicking their tongues around) WHOLOOLOOLOOLOO...

Squidward: Oh, no. That didn't just happen. Please tell me that didn't happen!

Patrick: What happened? (Squidward moves away and frantically runs around)

Squidward: Where are we? We're lost. There's no way out! Stuck... in the middle of nowhere... with SpongeBob and Patrick!(SpongeBob and Patrick wave at Squidward, who starts crying) Why must every 11 minutes of my life be filled with misery? WHHHYY?!

SpongeBob: Oh, cheer up, Squid. It could be worse.

Patrick: Yeah. You could be bald and have a big nose. (Squidward's nose and head deflate)

Squidward: Well, this is the end. (drops to the ground)

SpongeBob: No, it's not, Squidward!

Patrick: (building coffins) It's not?

SpongeBob: Come on guys, we'll be fine! (patting Squidward's head) As long as we stick together, remember, we're a club!! WHOOOLOOOOLOOOOLOOOOLOOOO!! (flicks tongue around) And besides...we have THIS!! (pulls out the Magic Conch Shell)

Squidward: What's that?

Patrick: OOOOOH! The Magic Conch Shell! Ask it something! Ask it something!

SpongeBob: Magic Conch Shell...will I ever get married?

Magic Conch: Maybe someday.

SpongeBob and Patrick: Oooohhhh...

Squidward: You've got to be kidding! That is just a STUPID toy! How can that possibly help us?

SpongeBob: (gasps) Squidward, you must never question the wisdom of the Magic Conch. The club always takes it's advice before we do anything.

Patrick: The shell knows all!

SpongeBob: Oh, Magic Conch...what do we have to do to get out of the Kelp Forest?

Magic Conch: Nothing.

Patrick: THE SHELL HAS SPOKEN!

Squidward: Nothing?! We can't just sit here and do NOTHING!! (SpongeBob and Patrick sit down, literally doing nothing. Gets mad) I can't believe you two are gonna take advice.. from a TOY!! (SpongeBob and Patrick still do nothing) Alright. Alright. Alright! I don't need your help. I'm gonna find my way back to sanity. But don't you two sad clowns come crying to me when your circus tent comes crashing down!! (walks away in Kelp Forest) Sad clowns.. Haha. Haha. Sad. Haha. Haha. Clowns. Haha. Haha. (cut to further in the Kelp Forest. It is now dark and Squidward is running around, scared out of his wits, startled by frogs and an owl and a leopard shark) What was that? I was already here!! Which way do I go? Ohh I'm lost!! Ohh...I'm HOPELESSLY LOST!! I'll never get out of here!! (sees light) Huh? Huh? (laughs hysterically. Lands back in the light) I'm FREE!! Take that, SpongeBob and Patrick!! Ahahaha!! Ahahaha!! (fist punches in air. Sees SpongeBob and Patrick) Ohh...there's no way out of here. (bubble-wipe to later. A stick is thrown at Patrick's head. Squidward has surrounded himself with sticks and a fire and is wearing a Chinese hat. He is also sitting on a rock) How's it going over their at Club Shell-For-Brains? Mmm mmm mmm. I am hungry. I wonder what's on the menu for Club SQUIDWARD tonight? (steps on bug) Aahhhhh... (throws bug onto pan then walks over to SpongeBob) Oooohh. Doesn't that smell good, SpongeBob? You haven't eaten in days. (walks over to Patrick) How about you, Patrick? A big boy's gotta eat. Well, you can't have any. (walks away) And do you know why, SpongeBob? Because your club president is a shell! (shakes butt at SpongeBob) If you had listened to me, you'd have food, shelter, and a roaring fire. But instead, you listen to a talking clam, (moves back to Club Squidward) that tells you NOTHING! As if the answers to all your problems will fall right out of the sky! Hahaha!! Fall right out of the sky! (airplane starts falling out of the sky)

Purple Pilot: Dude, we're falling right out the sky! We gotta drop the load! (other pilot presses "Drop the Load" button. Airplane drops picnic supplies (including food) to where SpongeBob and Patrick are)

SpongeBob and Patrick: (both smile) Praise the Magic Conch!! (flicking tongues around) WHOOOLOOOOLOOOOLOOOO! (Squidward stares at them. The bug gets up and hits him with the stick. SpongeBob and Patrick eat while laughing)

Squidward: Hey uhh, SpongeBob, (he now looks like a scraggy savage) that sure is a lot of food you got there.

SpongeBob: It's a gift from the Magic Conch.

Squidward: Everything sure looks delicious. Oohh! Smoked Sausages! My favorite! (reaches for them but Patrick sucks them in and eats them, accidentally sucks Squidward's nose. Frees nose) Hey, uhh, SpongeBob, you know I was just kidding before earlier and I mean I'm still part of the club and I mean the club has to stick together, and uhh, uhh...

SpongeBob: Squidward...

Squidward: Yes, SpongeBob?

SpongeBob: Once a member, always a member!

SpongeBob and Patrick: (both clink glasses) To the club! (flicking tongues around) WHOOLOOOLOOOLOOLOOOOLOOO!!

Squidward: Yeah.. Whooloolooloo.. Now if you'll excuse me... (runs to table with all the food) What should I eat first? The spaghetti, the turkey, the soup, the canned meat?

SpongeBob: Why don't you ask... the Magic Conch, Squidward?

Squidward: Oh, yeah, like that'll happen. Right after I consult the Magic Toenail. (SpongeBob and Patrick pull table away)

SpongeBob: (gasps) Squidward, are you questioning the authority of the Magic Conch? The conch is the one who gave us this banquet.. This copyrighted conch is the cornerstone of our organization!

Patrick: (whispers) Maybe he's not a brother. (SpongeBob looks at Patrick wide-eyed)

Squidward: Heheheh...you guys have it all wrong!! I love this little piece of plastic. (picks up Magic Conch) Hello there. Uhh, Magic Conch, I was wondering...should I have the spaghetti or the turkey?

Magic Conch: Neither.

Squidward: Oh. Well what about the soup?

Magic Conch: I don't think so.

Squidward: Can I have anything to eat?

Magic Conch: No.

Squidward: No?! What do you mean no? I'm starving here!

Patrick: (takes Magic Conch) Here, lemme try. Magic Conch...can Squidward have some of this yummy-delicious-super-terrific sandwich?

Magic Conch: No.

Patrick: Hmm.. Can I have some of this yummy-delicious-super-terrific sandwich?

Magic Conch: Yes.

Patrick: Alright! (vacuums in sandwich. Belches) Sorry Squidward.

Squidward: Give me that! (takes Magic Conch) Can I have something to eat?

Magic Conch: No.

Squidward: Can I have something to eat?

Magic Conch: No.

Squidward: Can I have something to eat?

Magic Conch: No.

Squidward: Can't you say anything else but no?<

Magic Conch: Try asking again.

Squidward: Can I have something to eat?

Magic Conch: No. (Squidward fumes. His eyes become bloodshot and veins appear in his face. He shakes his head in fury)

SpongeBob: Squidward, are you alright? (Squidward is still getting mad)

Patrick: Maybe we should ask the shell if he's OK.

Rescuer: Hello? Anyone there? Hello? HELLO? Do you folks need some help? (cuts through kelp, seeing SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward, close up shows them as scruffy castaways)

Squidward: I'm SAVED! (runs over to Rescuer) You don't know how happy I am to see you. I've been stranded out here for weeks.. with these two barnacle heads, and their Magic Conch Shell!

Rescuer: Magic...Conch...Shell? (pulls out Magic Conch) YOU MEAN LIKE THIS? (he now has two big teeth)

SpongeBob and Patrick: The Magic Conch! A club member!

SpongeBob, Patrick, and Rescuer: (flicking tongues around) WHOOLOOOLOOOLOOOLOOOO!

Squidward: (close up shows him looking at the Rescuer in shock, mumbling in disbelief) A brother?

Rescuer: The Magic Conch told me to come and save you guys!

SpongeBob, Patrick, and Rescuer: Hooray for the Magic Conch!

Rescuer: Alright Magic Conch. What do we do now?

Magic Conch: Nothing.

SpongeBob, Patrick, and Rescuer: All hail the Magic Conch! (they sit down doing nothing. Squidward moves behind them)

Squidward: (weakly) All hail the Magic Conch. (sits down with SpongeBob, Patrick, and the Rescuer)


Transcripts Episodes
Season 1 Season 1
Season 2 Season 2
Season 3 Season 3
Season 4 Season 4
Season 5 Season 5
Season 6 Season 6
Season 7 Season 7
Season 8 Season 8
Season 9 Season 9
Season 10 Season 10
Season 11 Season 11
Season 12 Season 12
Season 13 Season 13
Season 14 Season 14
Season 15 Season 15
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