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Episode Transcript: Krab Borg
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Episode Article: Sponge Borg
Characters
Dialogue
TV: We now return to tonight's Creepy Time Theater presentation of "Night of the Robot." (TV shows Spongebob running from a bot. a guy is watching the movie while eating popcorn)
Guy: Hurry, Mr. Krabs, the scary robot movie's on.
Mr. Krabs: Nope.
Guy: What do you mean I shouldn't watch this? Scary movies don't always freak me out. (scene cuts to a guy
lying in his bed, whimpering and shivering) What if Mom is a robot? What if Uncle Sherm is a robot? What if Mr. Krabs is a
robot? Mr. Krabs? (Mr. Krabs is sleeping) Psst, Mr. Krabs? Mr. K? (pokes Mr. Krabs's eye, causing him to wake up)
Mr. Krabs: What.
Guy: Mr. Krabs, if you were a robot, you'd tell me, right?
Mr. Krabs: I'm not.
Guy: Oh, I've got nothing to worry about. And now to get a good night's sleep. (goes to sleep. Dreams about running
from the robot from the movie earlier. Scene cuts to the next day at the Krusty Krab, with a guy in the kitchen,
panting) Robot! Oh my gosh! (robot turns out to be a sack of potatoes, a dust pan and broom, and a bucket) Huh? (chuckles
nervously)
Gary: How about a little music to count my food to? (turns on the radio that is next to him)
Radio DJ: And now for the #7 song in Bikini Bottom: "4 is well." (tehcno beat is heard)
Gary: Hey, that's pretty catchy. Bee-bee-boo-bop, bee-bee-boo-beep. Yeah, that's not bad. I love this young people's
music. (scene cuts to kitchen. A buzzer goes off) I surrender! Oh.
Spongebob: Mister! (the guy screams. His hat flies onto Spongebob's nose)
Guy: Spongebob, why are you wearing my hat on your nose?
Spongebob: (takes off the hat and puts it back on the guy’s head) I'm not wearing your hat on my nose, I'm waiting for #1's order!
Guy: #1 -- (holds up a tray with food) Krabby Patty and a medium beverage. Course. Sorry Spongebob, I'm not really feeling myself today. I guess I'm a little bit jumpy. I keep thinking robots are taking over the world, probably on account of this movie I watched last night where robots take over the world. I even asked Mr. Krabs if he was a robot! Pretty
funny, huh?
Spongebob: (sarcastically) Hilarious. Just deliver the food.
Guy: (delivers the food to the customer) There you go! Enjoy your...say, you're not a robot, are you?
Customer: No, I'm not.
Guy: Well, keep your eyes peeled. They're everywhere. Back to work! (walks by Gary's office)
Gary: I feel completely recharged!
Guy: That sounds like Gary. (peeks in the window)
Gary: Come on, little buddy, play it again. (shakes his radio) Please? One more time, for me.
Guy: That was strange. Gary was talking to his radio, and he said he feels "recharged". (laughs) If I didn't
know better, I'd say he was... (scene zooms in on the guy) ...a robot. Nah.
Gary: (calls the radio station) Yes, hello. I was wondering if you could play that song again.
Radio DJ: Hmmm...which one, man?
Gary: The one that goes "bee-boo-boo-bop, boo-boo-bop."
Radio DJ: No, man. You're thinking of "bee-boo-boo-bop, boo-boo-beep."
Gary: Bee-boo-boo, boo-boo-bop? Bee-boo-boo-bop? Boo-boo-bee-bop? Not "bee-boo-boo-beep"? Bop? Beep?! Boo-boo-bop!
(the guy screams)
Guy: Oh my gosh. Why was Gary making all those beeping sounds? Could it be that he's... (scene zooms in on
him) ...a robot? Nah. (peeks into the window again and sees Gary dancing on his desk. He jumps onto Spongebob's arms)
Oh, Spongebob, it's terrible! Gary...talking to radio...beeping sounds...strange dancing... robot!
Spongebob: (picks up the guy off his arms) That's great, Mister. Why don't you work on this problem back in the
kitchen? (throws him in the kitchen but the guy reappears beside him. Spongebob is confused and looks around for how he
did it)
Guy: I'm serious, Spongebob! Gary is a robot. And I can prove it, too.
Spongebob: How did you...?
Guy: Let's see, in the movie the robot's didn't have a sense of humor! They couldn't laugh. Hey, Gary!
Gary: (runs up to the counter) What is it, guy?
Guy: Spongebob just told me a hilarious joke and I thought you might like to hear it.
Gary: Is it true, Spongebob? Is it hilarious?
Spongebob: Umm...yeah, sure.
Gary: Well, let's hear it, guy.
Guy: Okay, here it goes! Uhh, how'd it go Spongebob?
Spongebob: (chuckles nervously) Uhh, it went, umm, uhh, let's see, uhh...why couldn't the eleven-year-old get into the
pirate movie?
Gary: Why?
Spongebob: It was rated "Arr!" (laughs but no one else is) Arr! Because it's...about...pirates.
Gary: I'm not paying you to do stand up, Mr. Spongebob! Now get back to work!
Guy: (gasps) Not even a chuckle. See, Spongebob? He didn't laugh because he couldn't laugh because he's... (scene zooms in on him) ...a robot.
Spongebob: There's a logical explanation why he didn't laugh, guy. He's obviously heard it before. The only reason you think Gary is a robot is because you watched that stupid movie. Now why don't you...
Guy: Hey, Gary!
Gary: (runs up to the counter again) What? What is it, guy?
Guy: Spongebob's father never hugged him. Isn't that sad? (cries)
Gary: Yes, I suppose that is rather sad, but Spongebob can hug himself during his break. Now get back to work.
Guy: Just like the robot in the movie. He couldn't cry either.
Spongebob: Mister, this is getting ridiculous. I'll have you know my father loved me very much!
Guy: That's the final test, Spongebob -- the love test. Robots can't love.
Spongebob: No, wait, Mister!
Guy: Hey, Gary!
Gary: (runs up to the counter again) What is it, Guyser?!
Guy: I just wanted to tell you that Spongebob loves you!
Gary: Get back to work, Mr. Spongebob.
Guy: (gulps) Spongebob? (Gary is at his desk writing something when the radio stops working)
Gary: Aw, my radio died! (takes out the batteries) Hmmm, these batteries still have a little juice in 'em. I know!
I'll give 'em to Arthur for Thanksgiving. (puts the batteries in his back pocket. A bell rings sending Gary to a pot of
boiling water) My hard-boiled egg is ready! (picks up a pair of tongs) I can already taste it. Come to Daddy. (takes the
gg out of the water with his tongs) Gotcha! And what good is a hard-boiled egg without a little salt? (sprinkles a little
salt on it)
Guy: Gary!
Gary: (breaks the eggs and spills salt in his eyes. He screams) Oh, my eyes!
Guy: Mr... (Spongebob puts his hand over the guy’s mouth)
Spongebob: Will you be quiet? Now listen, what did these robots in the movie look like?
Guy: Well, they had piercing red eyes, metal pinchers for hands, and they ran on batteries.
Spongebob: Ok, so tell me, does Gary look anything like that? (Gary opens the office door, screaming in pain from
his red eyes, where the salt spilled. The guy & Spongebob scream as Gary runs into the bathroom, still screaming)
I'll evacuate the customers, you call the Navy.
Guy: (runs over to the phone) Hello, Operator? Get me the navy!
Operator: Hello, you've reached the Navy's automated phone service.
Guy: Spongebob, the robots are running the Navy!
Spongebob: Not the Navy! (over loudspeaker) Attention, everyone, run for your lives! Robots have taken over the world!
(everyone is silent) Our world! (all the customers run out screaming) What do we do now?
Guy: I don't know. Hey, a nickel!
SpongeBob: Mister.
Guy: Sorry.
Gary: (walks out of the bathroom, calmly) Ah, that's better. (walks back to his office) Bee-boo-boo-boo-bee-bop, boo- boo-bop.
Spongebob: We need to find out what that robot did with the real Gary. But how?
Guy: Well, in the movie the hero teams up with a buddy, and they get the poop on the robot.
SpongeBob: They poop on the robot?
Mister: Yeah, you know, they get the straight poop, ask questions, get information.
SpongeBob: I never thought I'd say this, but Mister, let's get that poop! (grabs the book 'How To Torture' and reads
it with Guy. the guy grabs some rope while SpongeBob grabs a hammer and saw. the guy grabs some old comedy
records. Scene cuts to Gary's office, where Guyser & SpongeBob enter)
Gary: Oh, hello boys. What can I do for you? (the guy & SpongeBob lock the door) Heh, why did you lock the door?
Why do you have that rope? Why do you have that hammer and saw? Why do you have some old comedy records? Who's watching the cash register?! (shot of outside the Krusty Krab where loud crashing and
everyone screaming can be heard) Mister! SpongeBob! What's the meaning of this? Untie me this minute!
SpongeBob: Shut up! (slaps Gary)
Gary: Sweet, what the heck is going on?
SpongeBob: I said shut up, you bucket of bolts! (slaps him again)
Mister: I can't take it! (runs off, crying)
SpongeBob: Mister, are you okay?
Mister: Oh, SpongeBob, seeing you slap Gary like that is just too horrible to watch!
SpongeBob: No, that's not Gary. That's Robot Gary. (Gary is trying to get out of his chair)
Mister: Oh, yeah.
SpongeBob: And the only way to deal with these robot types is to find out what they know.
Mister: Right. (slaps Mr. Krabs)
SpongeBob: Mister, you gotta ask him a question first.
Mister: Oh yeah. What color is my underwear? (slaps him again)
SpongeBob: Mister, let me handle this. (turns a light on Gary) Where's Gary?
Gary: What are you talking about? I'm Gary. (Sponge slaps him again)
SpongeBob: We can do this all night if you want. Where's Gary?
Gary: I'm Gary.
Mister: Where's Gary?
Gary: I'm Gary.
SpongeBob: Where's Gary?
Gary: I am Gary! I am! I am! I am! I am! I am! I am! I am!
Mister: This is one stubborn robot.
Gary: (yells) WHAT?! (his yelling knocks over the light) YOU THINK I'M A ROBOT?!
SpongeBob: We don't think; we know.
Gary: That's the silliest thing I ever heard! I AM GARY!!
SpongeBob: (walks over to Mister) He's not cracking. We'll never get it out of him this way.
Mister: I got an idea. (pokes SpongeBob's's nose) Keep an eye on him, Mister. Don't fall for any of his robo-tricks.
(runs out and returns later) If Robot Gary won't tell us where Gary is, maybe one of his little robot friends will.
(holds up a blender)
SpongeBob: Mister, uhh, that's a blender.
Mister: Yeah, but I saw Gary talking with his radio before. He called it his "little buddy."
SpongeBob: Oh really? Put it on the table, Mister.
Gary: You're gonna intertube my blender? You're crazy.
SpongeBob: We're just gonna see what your "little buddy" knows. (Mister sets the blender on Gary's desk. SpongeBob
holds up a bat)
Gary: No, wait! What are you gonna do to me blender? That cost me money .
SpongeBob: Where's Gary? (shot of the blender) Not talking, eh? (breaks the blender with the bat)
Gary: No! That cost me $24.95!
Mister: I guess it didn't know anything.
SpongeBob: Go get the toaster. (Mister gets the toaster then puts it on Gary's desk)
Gary: No, not me toaster. That cost me $32.50! (SpongeBob breaks the toaster. Then Mister sets a juicer on
the desk) $62.67! (Sponge breaks it with the bat smashes it. the guy picks up a coffee maker) Fort...well, actually,
that one was a gift. (Sponge breaks it) No! (Mister puts the cash register on the desk)
Mister: This is the last robot, SpongeBob.
Gary: No, not my cash register! I raised it myself. I got it when it was just a little calculator. (cries) No!
SpongeBob: I thought you said robots can't cry.
Mister: I also said they couldn't love.
Gary: I loved it like it was me own.
Mister: Uh, at least he's not laughing.
Gary: Oh, I remember the laughs we used to share.
SpongeBob: Mister, uhh, how did that movie of yours end?
Mister: The movie? Oh, yeah! The ending was great! Turns out there weren't any robots after all. It was just
their...imagination. (chuckles nervously then checks his watch) Hey, it's time to feed Mr. Krabs. (runs out while SpongeBob
smiles at Gary and sweeps)
Gary: (growls) SPONGEBOB!!!!! Gary: what do you have to say for yourself? Squidward: Uh-oh Gary: Wait!
