Editing Episode Transcript: Ghoul Fools

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{{Transcript|Ghoul Fools|Mr. Krabs Takes a Vacation|Mermaid Man Begins}}
 
{{Transcript|Ghoul Fools|Mr. Krabs Takes a Vacation|Mermaid Man Begins}}
  
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*[[SpongeBob SquarePants]]
 
*[[SpongeBob SquarePants]]
 
*[[Patrick Star]]
 
*[[Patrick Star]]
*[[Lord Poltergeist]] (credited as "Ghost" in this transcript)
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*[[Lord Poltergeist]]
 
*[[Eugene H. Krabs]]
 
*[[Eugene H. Krabs]]
 
*[[Squidward Tentacles]]
 
*[[Squidward Tentacles]]
 
*[[Sandy Cheeks]]
 
*[[Sandy Cheeks]]
*[[Flying Dutchman]]
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*[[The Flying Dutchman]]
 
*[[First Mate Ghoul]]
 
*[[First Mate Ghoul]]
 
*[[Milkshake Gremlin]]
 
*[[Milkshake Gremlin]]
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(episode begins with SpongeBob and Patrick, both of whom are lying on the grass)
 
(episode begins with SpongeBob and Patrick, both of whom are lying on the grass)
  
'''SpongeBob:''' Aah. Patrick, don't you love staring at clouds and thinking about what they look like?
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'''SpongeBob''': Aah. Patrick, don't you love staring at clouds and thinking about what they look like?
 +
 
 +
'''Patrick''': Yeah, it really calms my inner demons.
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'''SpongeBob''': (points to a cloud in sky) Wow, look at that cloud. (the cloud, which looks like Sandy, floats by) It looks just like Sandy.
 +
 
 +
'''Patrick''': I'm not seeing it. Ooh, check out that cloud! (another cloud floats by) It looks just like a... um, um, um, d'oh, it's coming, uh, looks like a... a cloud.
 +
 
 +
'''SpongeBob''': Hmm. It does. Hey, look at that one. (a cloud that looks like Mr. Krabs trying to catch a money cloud floats by, but it disappears) It looks just like Mr. Krabs, doesn't it?
 +
 
 +
'''Patrick''': Sure does! Um... who's Mr. Krabs again? Oh, now that cloud looks like a flying houseboat.
 +
 
 +
[Shows houseboat flying over Bikini Bottom as the sky turns from day to night]
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SpongeBob: Um, Patrick, I think that really is a flying houseboat.
 +
 
 +
[SpongeBob and Patrick watch houseboat fly away, then lose gas and fall near the grass]
 +
 
 +
SpongeBob: What is it, Patrick?
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 +
Patrick: It's probably just one of those fake haunted houses, you know, for babies.
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SpongeBob: I don't know, Patrick, it's very scary-looking and spooky.
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Patrick: It looks like fun, I'm going to check it out [runs to houseboat]
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 +
SpongeBob: Patrick, wait for me! [follows Patrick]
 +
 
 +
Patrick: [laughs and tries to get up to the houseboat, but can't] Hey, SpongeBob, can you give me a boost?
 +
 
 +
[Patrick gets up on top of SpongeBob]
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 +
Patrick: A little to the left. [SpongeBob moves to the left. Gets up to the boat] A little help? [SpongeBob lifts him up] Hurry up, lazy-bones!
 +
 
 +
[SpongeBob gets up to the boat]
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 +
Patrick: Wow. Look at this place! It's so cheesy! Check out this lame doorknob.
 +
 
 +
[SpongeBob looks at skeleton doorknob, which shrieks at him. SpongeBob laughs nervously]
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 +
Patrick: Let's check out inside.
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 +
SpongeBob: I don't know, Patrick.
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Patrick: Oh, come on, don't be such a baby! [Opens door, to which SpongeBob follows him] Wow, so lame!
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 +
[Thunder clap is heard]
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Patrick: [Sees plate of eyeballs and picks up one] Nice attention to detail, though. [Puts eyeball back]
 +
 
 +
[SpongeBob notices the eyeballs blink, to which he runs away]
 +
 
 +
Patrick: Huh. So not scary!
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SpongeBob: [Looks at picture of flowers] Hey, this is a nice picture! [Snakes come out of the picture and go into SpongeBob, to which he screams and runs around]
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Patrick: Did you say something, SpongeBob?
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[Snakes go back into picture]
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Patrick: Hey, SpongeBob, check this out!
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SpongeBob: Okay, I'll be right there!
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Patrick: Even the spiders are fake! I wish something would... pop out of a closet! Like a big, hairy hand! [Door opens and a big, hairy hand comes out and takes
 +
 
 +
SpongeBob to attack him] That would be scary! [SpongeBob screams from far away] But this place is too low budget for that! [Hand returns SpongeBob] Would be cool, though, wouldn't it?
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 +
SpongeBob: [shaking] Yeah, that'd be [gulps] neato. [hears scary music] Patrick, where is that music coming from?
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 +
Patrick: I think it's coming from that guy!
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 +
[Shows ghost playing the organ, while a thunder clap is heard]
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 +
Lord Poltergeist: [turns around] Who dares trespass upon me haunted houseboat? [Thunder clap is heard. Lord Poltergeist goes over to SpongeBob and Patrick]
 +
 
 +
Patrick: We do!
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Lord Poltergeist: Aye. And what manner of beastie might you two be?
  
'''Patrick:''' Yeah, it really calms my inner demons.
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Patrick: [opens Lord Poltergeist's mouth] Look at the attention to detail in his mouth. It's all rotten and slimy. [Poltergeist breathes into Patrick's face, singeing it] His bad breath is incredible! His hair is very authentic, too. It's dirty. [sniffs] Eww. It reeks, and check out the workmanship on the jaw mechanism. [moves Poltergeist's jaw up and down] Remarkable-build quality! [Lets go of jaw] Obviously a puppet or a robot! Oh, we must be in one of those fancy pizza parlors, with those singing animated robots!
  
'''SpongeBob:''' (points to a cloud in sky) Wow, look at that cloud. (the cloud, which looks like Sandy, floats by) It looks just like Sandy.
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Lord Poltergeist: Robots? Puppets? Pizza parlors?! [gets angry and lights on fire]
  
'''Patrick:''' I'm not seeing it. Ooh, check out that cloud! (another cloud floats by) It looks just like a... um, um, um, d'oh, it's coming, uh, looks like a... a cloud.
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Patrick: Sing us a song, robot!
  
'''SpongeBob:''' Hmm. It does. Hey, look at that one. (a cloud that looks like Mr. Krabs trying to catch a money cloud floats by, but it disappears) It looks just like Mr. Krabs, doesn't it?
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Lord Poltergeist: What? Sing for ye?
  
'''Patrick:''' Sure does! Um... who's Mr. Krabs again? Oh, now that cloud looks like a flying houseboat. (a houseboat is flying over Bikini Bottom as the sky turns from day to night)
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Patrick: Oh, whoops! You're right. I almost forgot. You're coin-operated, aren't you? [Puts coin into his nose. Poltergeist coughs up coin and looks at it, gripping it tightly]
  
'''SpongeBob:''' Um, Patrick, I think that really is a flying houseboat. (he and Patrick watch the houseboat fly away, then lose gas and fall near the grass) What is it, Patrick?
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Lord Poltergeist: So you want me to sing ye a shanty, eh?
  
'''Patrick:''' It's probably just one of those fake haunted houses, you know, for babies.
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Patrick: Uh-huh! Uh-huh!
  
'''SpongeBob:''' I don't know, Patrick, it's very scary-looking and spooky.
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SpongeBob: Don't put yourself out for us!
  
'''Patrick:''' It looks like fun, I'm going to check it out (runs to houseboat)
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Lord Poltergeist: And you do not think I'm a real ghost, do ye?
  
'''SpongeBob''': Patrick, wait for me! (follows Patrick)
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Patrick: Nope!
  
'''Patrick:''' (laughs and tries to get up to the houseboat, but can't) Hey, SpongeBob, can you give me a boost? (gets up on top of SpongeBob) A little to the left. (SpongeBob moves to the left. Gets up to the boat) A little help? (SpongeBob lifts him up) Hurry up, lazy-bones! (SpongeBob gets up to the boat) Wow. Look at this place! It's so cheesy! Check out this lame doorknob. (SpongeBob looks at a skeleton doorknob, which shrieks at him. SpongeBob laughs nervously) Let's check out inside.
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SpongeBob: I do, Mr. dead pirate, sir!
  
'''SpongeBob:''' I don't know, Patrick.
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Lord Poltergeist: Oh, oh, oh, I'll sing ye a song, all right! A song so terrifying, you'll have to believe I'm a ghost! [electrocutes SpongeBob and Patrick and laughs]
  
'''Patrick:''' Oh, come on, don't be such a baby! (opens door, to which SpongeBob follows him) Wow, so lame! (thunderclap is heard. Sees a plate of eyeballs and picks up one) Nice attention to detail, though. (puts eyeball back. SpongeBob notices the eyeballs blink, and he runs away) Huh. So not scary!
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Patrick: This show is going to be so awesome.
  
'''SpongeBob:''' (looks at a picture of flowers) Hey, this is a nice picture! (snakes come out of the picture and go into SpongeBob, to which he screams and runs around)
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SpongeBob: [laughs nervously] Yeah, awesome [SpongeBob's hand falls off]
  
'''Patrick:''' Did you say something, SpongeBob? (snakes go back into picture) Hey, SpongeBob, check this out!
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Lord Poltergeist: Hit it, fingers! [Fingers appear and start the music]
  
'''SpongeBob:''' Okay, I'll be right there!
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Ghosts: Yo-ho-ho, yo-hoooooooooooo!
  
'''Patrick:''' Even the spiders are fake! I wish something would... pop out of a closet! Like a big, hairy hand! (door opens and a big, hairy hand comes out and takes SpongeBob to attack him) That would be scary! (SpongeBob screams from far away) But this place is too low budget for that! (hand returns SpongeBob) Would be cool, though, wouldn't it?
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Patrick: [whispers] They're good!
  
'''SpongeBob:''' (shaking) Yeah, that'd be... (gulps) neato. (hears scary music) Patrick, where is that music coming from?
+
Ghosts: ♪Oh, we're the ghouls of the briny deep! Under the waves we like to creep. Creeping in coffins with spider webs as ghostly pillows beneath our heads. Oh, we're the ghouls of the briny deep. Under the waves we like to creep. We wear black shrouds that look quite neat, but we don't own shoes, ‘cause we have no feet. Ha-ha-ha! [Lord Poltergeist shows bones for feet and taps them together] We like to haunt and frighten and scare ‘til you jump right out of your underwear. We like to eat eyes and brains and drink our grog from rusty drains. We don't keep animals like cutesy snails!♪ [Lord Poltergeist rips Gary's shell off]
  
'''Patrick:''' I think it's coming from that guy! (a ghost is playing the organ, while a thunderclap is heard)
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SpongeBob: Gary!
  
'''Ghost:''' (turns around) Who dares trespass upon me haunted houseboat? (thunderclap is heard. The ghost goes over to SpongeBob and Patrick)
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Ghosts: ♪Our favorite pet's, the cat-o-nine-tails!♪
  
'''Patrick:''' We do!
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Cat: Meow!
  
'''Ghost:''' Aye. And what manner of beastie might you two be?
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[SpongeBob and Patrick clap]
  
'''Patrick:''' (opens the ghost's mouth) Look at the attention to detail in his mouth. It's all rotten and slimy. (the ghost breathes into Patrick's face, singeing it) His bad breath is incredible! His hair is very authentic, too. It's dirty. (sniffs) Eww. It reeks, and check out the workmanship on the jaw mechanism. (moves the ghost's jaw up and down) Remarkable-build quality! (lets go of the ghost's jaw) Obviously a puppet or a robot! Oh, we must be in one of those fancy pizza parlors, with those singing animated robots!
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Lord Poltergeist: Do you believe we're real ghosts now?
  
'''Ghost:''' Robots? Puppets? Pizza parlors?! (gets angry and lights on fire)
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Patrick: Where's my pizza? What kind of pizza joint are you running anyhow?
  
'''Patrick:''' Sing us a song, robot!
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Lord Poltergeist: Pizza? I'll give you a pizza! [Poofs up pizza and gives it to SpongeBob and Patrick]
  
'''Ghost:''' What? Sing for ye?
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Patrick: That's more like it! [Pizza opens to show anchovies on the pizza]
  
'''Patrick:''' Oh, whoops! You're right. I almost forgot. You're coin-operated, aren't you? (puts a coin into the ghost's nose. The ghost coughs up the coin and looks at it, gripping it tightly)
+
Anchovies: Meep! Meep! Meep! Meep! Meep! Meep! Meep! Meep! Meep!
  
'''Ghost:''' So you want me to sing ye a shanty, eh?
+
SpongeBob and Patrick: Anchovies!? [Pizza disappears, SpongeBob and Patrick bow] You are real ghosts! You are real ghosts!
  
'''Patrick:''' Uh-huh! Uh-huh!
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Lord Poltergeist: Ha-ha-ha-ha! So ye finally believe, eh? You scurvy swabs!
  
'''SpongeBob:''' Don't put yourself out for us!
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SpongeBob: We do! We do!
  
'''Ghost:''' And you do not think I'm a real ghost, do ye?
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Patrick: Oh, please don't kill me with your death ray eyes, Mr. Ghost Robot! [Puts SpongeBob in front of him] Take my best friend instead! He's lived a full life!
  
'''Patrick:''' Nope!
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[Patrick cowers in fear as SpongeBob is surprised by his act]
  
'''SpongeBob:''' I do, Mr. dead pirate, sir!
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Lord Poltergeist: [Looks at the cowering Patrick] [sarcastically] Eh, great friend you have here!
  
'''Ghost:''' Oh, oh, oh, I'll sing ye a song, all right! A song so terrifying, you'll have to believe I'm a ghost! (electrocutes SpongeBob and Patrick and laughs)
+
SpongeBob: Why have you come to Bikini Bottom, oh mighty dead pirate type person, sir?
  
'''Patrick:''' This show is going to be so awesome.
+
Lord Poltergeist: Eh, that's funny you should ask. Usually, when I come to town, it's to terrify the populous and enslave their souls in eternal torment! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Eh, but this time we just blew a head gasket.
  
'''SpongeBob:''' (laughs nervously) Yeah, awesome (his hand falls off)
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SpongeBob: Oh, I didn't know you ghosts had gaskets in your heads!
  
'''Ghost:''' Hit it, fingers! (fingers appear and start the music)
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Lord Poltergeist: Not us, you imbecile! Our engine room broke down. [opens engine room and coughs] Hey, Charlie, you got that busted head gasket out yet?
  
'''Ghosts:''' Yo-ho-ho, yo-hoooooooooooo!
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Charlie: Here you go, boss! [head gasket melts] Looks like we need a new one! [Poltergeist grabs head gasket]
  
'''Patrick:''' (whispers) They're good!
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Lord Poltergeist: Say, maybe you two morons... Um, fine gentlemen, could pick up a new one for us!
  
'''Music:''' [[The Ghouls of the Briny Deep (Song)|The Ghouls of the Briny Deep]]
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SpongeBob: [gulps] Uh, uh, us?
  
'''Ghosts:''' Oh, we're the ghouls of the briny deep!  
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Lord Poltergeist: Yes, you! And just as a little incentive to make you return [lifts up SpongeBob and Patrick], I'll take your souls as deposit!
Under the waves we like to creep.
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Creeping in coffins with spider webs as ghostly pillows beneath our heads.
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Oh, we're the ghouls of the briny deep. Under the waves we like to creep.
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We wear black shrouds that look quite neat, but we don't own shoes, 'cause we have no feet. Ha-ha-ha!
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(the lead ghost shows bones for feet and taps them together)
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[Poltergeist grabs SpongeBob and Patrick and puts their souls into glass bottles. Poltergeist poofs up a treasure chest and picks a doubloon from it, giving to SpongeBob]
  
We like to haunt and frighten and scare 'til you jump right out of your underwear.
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Lord Poltergeist: Here's a shiny doubloon to buy a new gasket. Succeed and maybe you'll get another doubloon! If you aren't back in 24 hours, your souls are mine and you'll be part of my ghastly crew, um, [goes over to check calendar], let's see here, three weeks from Thursday... forever!
We like to eat eyes and brains and drink our grog from rusty drains.  
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We don't keep animals like cutesy snails!
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(the lead ghost rips Gary's shell off)
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SpongeBob: Um, can we run screaming in horror from your ship now, Mr. ghost pirate, sir?
  
'''SpongeBob:''' Gary!
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Lord Poltergeist: Oh, why certainly!
  
'''Ghosts:''' Our favorite pet's, the Cat o' Nine Tails!
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SpongeBob: Patrick, after you!
  
'''Cat 'o Nine Tails:''' Meow!
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[SpongeBob and Patrick leave, screaming in horror]
  
(SpongeBob and Patrick clap)
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Lord Poltergeist: Such a polite lad!
  
'''Ghost:''' Do you believe we're real ghosts now?
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[SpongeBob and Patrick keep on running, but stop to get ice cream]
  
'''Patrick:''' Where's my pizza? What kind of pizza joint are you running anyhow?
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SpongeBob: One scoop, please.
  
'''Ghost:''' Pizza? I'll give you a pizza! (poofs up a pizza box and gives it to SpongeBob and Patrick)
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[SpongeBob and Patrick have ice cream, then continue running and screaming until crashing into the Krusty Krab]
  
'''Patrick:''' That's more like it! (pizza box opens to show anchovies on the pizza)
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SpongeBob: Ghosts, ghosts, a haunted houseboat!
  
'''Anchovies:''' Meep! Meep! Meep! Meep! Meep! Meep! Meep! Meep! Meep!
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Patrick: [muffled with tongue stretched out] Houseboat full of ghosts!
  
'''SpongeBob and Patrick:''' Anchovies?! (pizza disappears. SpongeBob and Patrick bow) You are real ghosts! You are real ghosts!
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[SpongeBob gets himself stuck in Patrick's tongue]
  
'''Ghost:''' Ha-ha-ha-ha! So ye finally believe, eh? You scurvy swabs!
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SpongeBob: Eww, eww, eww, eww!
  
'''SpongeBob:''' We do! We do!
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[Patrick's tongue gets SpongeBob and Patrick stuck]
  
'''Patrick:''' Oh, please don't kill me with your death ray eyes, Mr. Ghost Robot! (puts SpongeBob in front of him) Take my best friend instead! He's lived a full life! (cowers in fear as SpongeBob is surprised by his act)
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Frank: Hey, those guys are insane!
  
'''Ghost:''' (looks at the cowering Patrick; sarcastically) Eh, great friend you have here!
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[Customers run out of the restaurant]
  
'''SpongeBob:''' Why have you come to Bikini Bottom, oh mighty dead pirate type person, sir?
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Mr. Krabs: What's all the commotion out here? [gasps] Come back! [cries] SpongeBob, what in the bulging blue barnacles, are you up to?!
  
'''Ghost:''' Eh, that's funny you should ask. Usually, when I come to town, it's to terrify the populous and enslave their souls in eternal torment! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Eh, but this time we just blew a head gasket.
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SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, it was awful! We just had a spooky encounter of the ghostly kind!
  
'''SpongeBob:''' Oh, I didn't know you ghosts had gaskets in your heads!
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Mr. Krabs: You had a what?
  
'''Ghost:''' Not us, you imbecile! Our engine room broke down. (opens engine room and coughs) Hey, Charlie, you got that busted head gasket out yet?
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SpongeBob: We were just minding our own business and a haunted houseboat fell out of the sky!
  
'''Charlie:''' Here you go, boss! (head gasket melts) Looks like we need a new one! (ghost grabs head gasket)
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Patrick: [muffled] And it was full of ghosts! The really, real kind, not fake kind!
  
'''Ghost:''' Say, maybe you two morons... Um, fine gentlemen, could pick up a new one for us!
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[Mr. Krabs puts Patrick's tongue back in place, knocking him down]
  
'''SpongeBob:''' (gulps) Uh, uh, us?
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SpongeBob: The captain of the ghost gave us this doubloon and told us to buy him a new head gasket! And then, he took our souls and he put them in bottles and he said he's going to turn us into ghosts if we don't get that head gasket! You gotta help us, Mr. Krabs! I feel so empty without my soul!
  
'''Ghost:''' Yes, you! And just as a little incentive to make you return, (lifts up SpongeBob and Patrick) I'll take your souls as deposit! (grabs SpongeBob and Patrick and puts their souls into glass bottles. Poofs up a treasure chest and picks a doubloon from it, giving to SpongeBob) Here's a shiny doubloon to buy a new gasket. Succeed and maybe you'll get another doubloon! If you aren't back in 24 hours, your souls are mine and you'll be part of my ghastly crew, um, (goes over to check calendar) let's see here, three weeks from Thursday... forever!
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Mr. Krabs: Did you say doubloon? [Grabs doubloon] Let me see that! Hmm, looks somewhat authentic [sniffs doubloon] Smells real enough! [Bites doubloon, which knocks out his tooth. Goes to Frank's car and steals his head gasket]
  
'''SpongeBob:''' Um, can we run screaming in horror from your ship now, Mr. ghost pirate, sir?
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Frank: Hey!
  
'''Ghost:''' Oh, why certainly!
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[Mr. Krabs comes back with head gasket]
  
'''SpongeBob:''' Patrick, after you! (he and Patrick leave, screaming in horror)
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Mr. Krabs: Okay, let's go see those ghost fellers! We'll catch 'em and take their gold!
  
'''Ghost:''' Such a polite lad! (SpongeBob and Patrick keep on running, but stop to get ice cream]
+
SpongeBob: But Mr. Krabs! We don't know the first thing about ghost hunting!
  
'''SpongeBob:''' One scoop, please. (he and Patrick have ice cream, then continue running and screaming until crashing into the Krusty Krab) Ghosts, ghosts, a haunted houseboat!
+
[SpongeBob and Patrick hear a disturbing noise, which is Sandy's new device]
  
'''Patrick:''' (muffled with tongue stretched out) Houseboat full of ghosts! (SpongeBob gets himself stuck in Patrick's tongue)
+
Sandy: I'll catch your ghosts for ya! It'll be easy with my new fangled paranormal critter-detector-catcher gizmo!
  
'''SpongeBob:''' Eww, eww, eww, eww! (Patrick's tongue gets SpongeBob and Patrick stuck)
+
Squidward: And you just happened to bring that with you... to the Krusty Krab?
  
'''Frank:''' Hey, those guys are insane! (customers run out of the restaurant)
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Sandy: Sure, I was looking for milkshake gremlins!
  
'''Mr. Krabs:''' What's all the commotion out here? (gasps) Come back! (cries) SpongeBob, what in the bulging blue barnacles, are you up to?!
+
[Sandy scans milkshake for gremlins]
  
'''SpongeBob:''' Mr. Krabs, it was awful! We just had a spooky encounter of the ghostly kind!
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Sandy: Nope, none in there!
  
'''Mr. Krabs:''' You had a what?
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Mr. Krabs: Great, then it's settled, let's go catch us some ghost gold!
  
'''SpongeBob:''' We were just minding our own business and a haunted houseboat fell out of the sky!
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Squidward: What makes you think I have any interest in your delusional adventurism?
  
'''Patrick:''' (muffled) And it was full of ghosts! The really, real kind, not fake kind! (Mr. Krabs puts Patrick's tongue back in place, knocking him down)
+
Mr. Krabs: Come on, Squidward! Think about what all those doubloons could do for the Krusty Krab, eh? Huh? Why, I could buy you that break room you're always whining about!
  
'''SpongeBob:''' The captain of the ghost gave us this doubloon and told us to buy him a new head gasket! And then, he took our souls and he put them in bottles and he said he's going to turn us into ghosts if we don't get that head gasket! You gotta help us, Mr. Krabs! I feel so empty without my soul!
+
[Squidward imagines, sitting near a microwave, waiting for his burrito to be done]
  
'''Mr. Krabs:''' Did you say doubloon? (grabs doubloon) Let me see that! Hmm, looks somewhat authentic. (sniffs doubloon) Smells real enough! (bites doubloon, which knocks out his tooth. Goes to Frank's car and steals his head gasket)
+
Squidward: Okay, I'm in!
  
'''Frank:''' Hey! (Mr. Krabs comes back with the stolen head gasket)
+
Mr. Krabs: Super! More hands means more gold. So what do ya say SpongeBob? Are ya ready!
  
'''Mr. Krabs:''' Okay, let's go see those ghost fellers! We'll catch 'em and take their gold!
+
SpongeBob: I'll go, but just to get my soul back.
  
'''SpongeBob:''' But Mr. Krabs! We don't know the first thing about ghost hunting! (he and Patrick hear a disturbing noise, which is Sandy's new device)
+
Mr. Krabs: Who needs a soul when you're filthy rich?
  
'''Sandy:''' I'll catch your ghosts for ya! It'll be easy with my new fangled paranormal critter-detector-catcher gizmo!
+
[Episode skips to second part of episode, which cuts to the haunted houseboat]
  
'''Squidward:''' And you just happened to bring that with you... to the Krusty Krab?
+
SpongeBob: So here it is. Pretty creepy, huh?
  
'''Sandy:''' Sure, I was looking for milkshake gremlins! (scans a milkshake for "gremlins") Nope, none in there!
+
Sandy: This place looks like it hasn't been lived in four years.
  
'''Mr. Krabs:''' Great, then it's settled, let's go catch us some ghost gold!
+
Patrick: Four years? Gotta be longer than that.
  
'''Squidward:''' What makes you think I have any interest in your delusional adventurism?
+
Squidward: I don't see any signs of ghosts [walks over to painting of a man with a pitchfork and woman standing together] Nothing here but a bunch of tacky old
 +
furniture, and boring, representational art. [Man in picture comes alive and eats woman's head] Huh?
  
'''Mr. Krabs:''' Come on, Squidward! Think about what all those doubloons could do for the Krusty Krab, eh? Huh? Why, I could buy you that break room you're always whining about! (Squidward imagines himself sitting near a microwave, waiting for his burrito to be done)
+
SpongeBob: Look, Mr. Krabs! The doubloons!
  
'''Squidward:''' Okay, I'm in!
+
Mr. Krabs: [gasps] Ha-ha-ha [Mr. Krabs licks the doubloons in celebration]
  
'''Mr. Krabs:''' Super! More hands means more gold. So what do ya say SpongeBob? Are ya ready!
+
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, I wouldn't touch that if I were you! That gold probably has ghost germs all over it.
  
'''SpongeBob:''' I'll go, but just to get my soul back.
+
Mr. Krabs: Oh, don't be silly, SpongeBob! There's no such things as germs. [grabs a sack and puts doubloons in it] Heads up, Squidward! [Krabs throws bag to Squidward, which hits him in the head] Hey, Patrick, think fast!
  
'''Mr. Krabs:''' Who needs a soul when you're filthy rich? (fade to black. After the commercial break, the episode fades in on the haunted houseboat)
+
Patrick: Think? [Bag of doubloons hits Patrick]
  
'''SpongeBob:''' So here it is. Pretty creepy, huh?
+
Mr. Krabs: All right, then. Let's get while the getting's good! Ooh! [Notices a doubloon is left behind] Looks like I missed one! Uh... it seems to be stuck... uuuuuuhhhh... [pulls out Lord Poltergeist and screams]
  
'''Sandy:''' This place looks like it hasn't been lived in four years.
+
Lord Poltergeist: Who dares touch me gold?
  
'''Patrick:''' Four years? Gotta be longer than that.
+
SpongeBob: It's just us, Mr. Ghost Captain, sir. We brought the replacement gasket you asked for. So if it's not too much trouble, do you think we could have our souls back... now... maybeee.
  
'''Squidward:''' I don't see any signs of ghosts. (walks over to painting of a man with a pitchfork and woman standing together) Nothing here but a bunch of tacky old furniture, and boring, representational art. (the man in the picture comes alive and eats the woman's head) Huh?
+
Lord Poltergeist: A deal's a deal and I'm a man of me word. Here you go, square one.
  
'''SpongeBob:''' Look, Mr. Krabs! The doubloons!
+
[SpongeBob fills up his body with his soul]
  
'''Mr. Krabs:''' (gasps) Ha-ha-ha! (licks the doubloons in celebration)
+
SpongeBob: Aah. That hits the spot!
  
'''SpongeBob:''' Mr. Krabs, I wouldn't touch that if I were you! That gold probably has ghost germs all over it.
+
Lord Poltergeist: Think fast, pink one!
  
'''Mr. Krabs:''' Oh, don't be silly, SpongeBob! There's no such things as germs. (grabs a sack and puts doubloons in it) Heads up, Squidward! (throws a bag to Squidward, which hits him in the head) Hey, Patrick, think fast!
+
Patrick: Again?
  
'''Patrick:''' Think? (a bag of doubloons hits Patrick)
+
[Bottle hits Patrick in the head, it shatters]
  
'''Mr. Krabs:''' All right, then. Let's get while the getting's good! Ooh! (notices a doubloon is left behind) Looks like I missed one! Uh... it seems to be stuck... uuuuuuhhhh... (pulls out the ghost from earlier and screams)
+
Patrick: My soul. [Licks it off the floor]
  
'''Ghost:''' Who dares touch me gold?
+
Lord Poltergeist: Har-har-har. Those weren't your souls. Those were just a couple of old orange sodas that have been sitting in the sun too long!
  
'''SpongeBob:''' It's just us, Mr. Ghost Captain, sir. We brought the replacement gasket you asked for. So if it's not too much trouble, do you think we could have our souls back... now... maybeee.
+
Patrick: I thought mine seemed a little flat.
  
'''Ghost:''' A deal's a deal and I'm a man of me word. Here you go, square one. (gves SpongeBob a bottle with orange soda inside. SpongeBob fills up his body with the soda)
+
SpongeBob: But what about our real souls?
  
'''SpongeBob:''' Aah. That hits the spot!
+
Lord Poltergeist: Eh, I never had 'em. Everyone knows you can't hold onto a wild soul. Well, now that that's settled, there's still a little matter of... [Poltergeist
 +
notices Squidward, Mr. Krabs, and Patrick taking off with his gold] Me gold! Stop right there! No one touches me booty and gets away with it.
  
'''Ghost:''' Think fast, pink one!
+
Mr. Krabs: Pfttttt! You ghosts don't scare me! You're nothing but thin air! Grab your sacks and follow me, boys! [Krabs opens a door, which leads to the Void, which he is sucked into] Noooooooooooooooooooo!
  
'''Patrick:''' Again? (another bottle hits Patrick in the head. It shatters) My soul. (licks the soda off the floor)
+
Lord Poltergeist: Ha-har-har-har. Welcome to the Void! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
  
'''Ghost:''' Har-har-har. Those weren't your souls. Those were just a couple of old orange sodas that have been sitting in the sun too long!
+
[Squidward makes babbling noises and is sucked into the Void]
  
'''Patrick:''' I thought mine seemed a little flat.
+
Patrick: Get me out of here!
  
'''SpongeBob:''' But what about our real souls?
+
Squidward: Nooooooooooooooooooo!
  
'''Ghost:''' Eh, I never had 'em. Everyone knows you can't hold onto a wild soul. Well, now that that's settled, there's still a little matter of... (notices Squidward, Mr. Krabs, and Patrick taking off with his gold) Me gold! Stop right there! No one touches me booty and gets away with it.
+
Lord Poltergeist: Ha-har-har-har-har! [Poltergeist sucks in Patrick]
  
'''Mr. Krabs:''' (blows a raspberry) You ghosts don't scare me! You're nothing but thin air! Grab your sacks and follow me, boys! (opens a door, which leads to [[The Void]], which he is sucked into) Noooooooooooooooooooo!
+
Patrick: Nooooooooooooooooo!
  
'''Ghost:''' (laughs) Welcome to the Void! (laughs. Squidward makes babbling noises and he is sucked into the Void)
+
Mr. Krabs: Hmm. So this is limbo. Well, at least I have a sack full of doubloons to spend eternity with. Uh-oh. Gotta use the can! [Krabs notices that there's a port-a-potty nearby] Ooh. There's a bit of luck. A portable potty. What's this here? "Insert doubloon?" Nooooooooooooo!
  
'''Patrick:''' Get me out of here!
+
[Mr. Krabs' image fades away and changes to Patrick]
  
'''Squidward:''' Nooooooooooooooooooo!
+
Patrick: Wow. This void sure is relaxing! [A doughnut shows up on Patrick's head] Hey! I've got a doughnut on my head! Come here, you. [Patrick's head stretches] Hey!  
 +
Get back here! [Patrick's head stretches more and he screams] Why is this happening to me? [Doughnut comes to life]
  
'''Ghost:''' Ha-har-har-har-har! (Patrick is sucked into the Void)
+
Doughnut: Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Welcome to your worst nightmare! [Patrick screams in terror. Doughnut laughs evilly until it sees that Patrick is no longer interested] Hmm? [goes down to Patrick; pokes his eye] Hey, stupid? Don't you wanna eat me?
  
'''Patrick:''' Nooooooooooooooooo! (disappears into the Void)
+
Patrick: Not really. I don't like plain doughnuts.
  
'''Mr. Krabs:''' Hmm. So this is limbo. Well, at least I have a sack full of doubloons to spend eternity with. Uh-oh. Gotta use the can! (notices that there's a port-a-potty nearby) Ooh. There's a bit of luck. A portable potty. What's this here? "Insert doubloon?" Nooooooooooooo! (his image zooms out and fades away as Patrick appears)
+
Doughnut: Well, what kind do you like?
  
'''Patrick:''' Wow. This void sure is relaxing! (a doughnut shows up on Patrick's head) Hey! I've got a doughnut on my head! Come here, you. (his head stretches) Hey! Get back here! (his head stretches more and he screams) Why is this happening to me? (donut comes to life)
+
Patrick: Um, I like sprinkles!
  
'''Donut:''' Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! Welcome to your worst nightmare! (Patrick screams in terror. Laughs evilly until it sees that Patrick is no longer interested) Hmm? (goes down to Patrick. Pokes his eye) Hey, stupid? Don't you wanna eat me?
+
Doughnut: Aah. [snaps its fingers, and sprinkles appear] Voila!
  
'''Patrick:''' Not really. I don't like plain donuts.
+
Patrick: No, chocolate! [chocolate appears on the doughnut] No, a bagel! [doughnut turns to a bagel] No-no-no-no, pancakes! [bagel turns to pancakes] No-no-no...
  
'''Donut:''' Well, what kind do you like?
+
Doughnut: Hey, pick one, so we can get on with your eternal torment!
  
'''Patrick:''' Um, I like sprinkles!
+
Patrick: Okay, okay! Man, you're pushy! How about... a Krabby Patty? [pancakes turn to a Krabby Patty] With pickles! [pickles appear] And ketchup! [ketchup appears] Wait, wait, wait! I know, I know, I know! I want... a plain doughnut!
  
'''Donut:''' Aah. (snaps its fingers, and sprinkles appear) Voila!
+
Doughnut: [turns back into a doughnut] Nooooooooooooooooooo!
  
'''Patrick:''' No, chocolate! (chocolate appears on the donut) No, a bagel! (donut turns to a bagel) No-no-no-no, pancakes! (bagel turns to pancakes) No-no-no...
+
[Scene cuts to Squidward in the Void]
  
'''Donut:''' Hey, pick one, so we can get on with your eternal torment!
+
Squidward: Oh, great. I wonder what my vision of eternal suffering will be! [A large, ghost version of SpongeBob is shown with Squidward on its nose] Of course!
  
'''Patrick:''' Okay, okay! Man, you're pushy! How about... a Krabby Patty? (pancakes turn to a Krabby Patty) With pickles! (pickles appear) And ketchup! (ketchup appears) Wait, wait, wait! I know, I know, I know! I want... a plain doughnut!
+
SpongeBob demon: Hiiii, neighbor! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
  
'''Donut:''' (turns back into a doughnut) Nooooooooooooooooooo! (Patrick's image zooms out and fades away as Squidward appears)
+
Squidward: I guess this is the part where I start screaming. [screams]
  
'''Squidward:''' Oh, great. I wonder what my vision of eternal suffering will be! (a large, ghost version of SpongeBob appears with Squidward on its nose) Of course!
+
[Ghost SpongeBob continues to laugh as the scene cuts to Lord Poltergeist laughing evilly]
  
'''SpongeBob demon:''' Hiiii, neighbor! (laughs)
+
Sandy: Hey, corpse breath! You better let my friends out of there if you know what's good for ya!
  
'''Squidward:''' I guess this is the part where I start screaming. (screams as his image zooms out and fades away, while the SpongeBob demon continues to laugh. The "door" to the Void folds away while the ghost laughs evilly)
+
Lord Poltergeist: Ha-ha-ha... And if I don't, what'll ye do about it, me bubble-headed lassy?
  
'''Sandy:''' Hey, corpse breath! You better let my friends out of there if you know what's good for ya!
+
Sandy: Oh, you'll be laughing out the other side of your tombstone once you've had a taste of my ghost-catcher!
  
'''Ghost:''' Ha-ha-ha... And if I don't, what'll ye do about it, me bubble-headed lassy?
+
Lord Poltergeist: Oh! The big chipmunk's gonna get us! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
  
'''Sandy:''' Oh, you'll be laughing out the other side of your tombstone once you've had a taste of my ghost-catcher!
+
[Sandy turns on ghost-catcher and releases Patrick, Mr. Krabs, and Squidward]
  
'''Ghost:''' Oh! The big chipmunk's gonna get us! (laughs. Sandy turns on her ghost-catcher and releases Patrick, Mr. Krabs, and Squidward)
+
Mr. Krabs: Thanks, lassie. Now, let's just get this here bag of doubloons back to the Krusty Krab!
  
'''Mr. Krabs:''' Thanks, lassie. Now, let's just get this here bag of doubloons back to the Krusty Krab!
+
Lord Poltergeist: Not so fast! That there booty be mine! [Poltergeist sucks bag into treasure chest]
  
'''Ghost:''' Not so fast! That there booty be mine! (ghost sucks bag into treasure chest)
+
Mr. Krabs: Hey, you thieving bilge rat! I stole this gold fair and square! [Mr. Krabs and Poltergeist beat up each other trying to get possession of treasure chest,
 +
which flies into the air]
  
'''Mr. Krabs:''' Hey, you thieving bilge rat! I stole this gold fair and square! (he and the ghost beat up each other trying to get possession of treasure chest, which flies into the air)
+
SpongeBob: I got it! [Treasure chest crushes SpongeBob]
  
'''SpongeBob:''' I got it! (treasure chest crushes SpongeBob)
+
Mr. Krabs: Me gold!
  
'''Mr. Krabs:''' Me gold!
+
Lord Poltergeist: You mean my gold!
  
'''Ghost:''' You mean my gold!
+
SpongeBob: Hey, that's funny! Hmm, this chest says it belongs to the Flying Dutchman!
  
'''SpongeBob:''' Hey, that's funny! Hmm, this chest says it belongs to the Flying Dutchman!
+
Sandy: The Flying Dutchman?! You ain't afraid he's gonna want it back?
  
'''Sandy:''' The Flying Dutchman?! You ain't afraid he's gonna want it back?
+
Lord Poltergeist: Nah, nah! We used to be part of the Dutchman's crew. We stole his gold hundreds of years ago! But the Dutchman hasn't found us yet. And he never will!
  
'''Ghost:''' Nah, nah! We used to be part of the Dutchman's crew. We stole his gold hundreds of years ago! But the Dutchman hasn't found us yet. And he never will! (cannon shoots into the haunted houseboat)
+
[Cannon shoots into the haunted houseboat]
  
'''Flying Dutchman:''' Avast!
+
Flying Dutchman: Avast!
  
'''Ghost and Sandy:''' (look out the door) Huh?
+
Lord Poltergeist and Sandy: [look out the door] Huh?
  
'''Flying Dutchman:''' Heave to... and prepare to be boarded by the Flying Dutchman!
+
Flying Dutchman: Heave to... and prepare to be boarded by the Flying Dutchman!
  
'''Ghost:''' The Dutchman! How did he track us down? Unless, thar be a snitch aboard!
+
Lord Poltergeist: The Dutchman! How did he track us down? Unless, thar be a snitch aboard!
  
'''SpongeBob:''' (holding a phone) It is my civic duty to report stolen property!
+
SpongeBob: [holding a phone] It is my civic duty to report stolen property!
  
'''Ghost:''' Why, you scurvy little scum-scrubber! You've ruined everything!
+
Lord Poltergeist: Why, you scurvy little scum-scrubber! You've ruined everything!
  
'''Squidward:''' Welcome to my world.
+
Squidward: Welcome to my world.
  
'''Flying Dutchman:''' (angrily) Avast there, you scurvy thieving barnacle bass!
+
Flying Dutchman: [angrily shouts] Avast there, you scurvy thieving barnacle bass!
  
'''Ghost:''' (nervously) Dutchman! Boy, am I glad we finally found you!
+
Lord Poltergeist: [nervously] Dutchman! Boy, am I glad we finally found you!
  
'''Flying Dutchman:''' So, it be me old first mate who stole me gold and me crew!
+
Flying Dutchman: So, it be me old first mate who stole me gold and me crew!
  
'''Ghost:''' Stole your gold? We just went out to get pizza!
+
Lord Poltergeist: Stole your gold? We just went out to get pizza!
  
'''Flying Dutchman:''' Um, that was 300 years ago!
+
Flying Dutchman: Um, that was 300 years ago!
  
'''Ghost:''' Um, we got lost? But we've been looking for ye ever since... to give ye back your treasure!
+
Lord Poltergeist: Um, we got lost? But we've been looking for ye ever since... to give ye back your treasure!
  
'''Flying Dutchman:''' Me booty! Well, maybe I misjudged you fellas! I'm sorry I was so cross with ya! (first mate sails away with the treasure) Why, you treacherous sea devils! When I'm done with you, you... (first mate runs over the Dutchman and flies away) Okay, now I'm a little bit peeved!
+
Flying Dutchman: Me booty! Well, maybe I misjudged you fellas! I'm sorry I was so cross with ya! [Lord Poltergeist sails away with the treasure] Why, you treacherous sea devils! When I'm done with you, you... [Lord Poltergeist runs over the Dutchman and flies away] Okay, now I'm a little bit peeved!
  
'''Ghost:''' Ha-ha-ha! Eh, that Dutchman was always a sap!
+
Lord Poltergeist: Ha-ha-ha! Eh, that Dutchman was always a sap!
  
'''Sandy:''' Frog whiskers! The Dutchman's on our tail!
+
Sandy: Frog whiskers! The Dutchman's on our tail!
  
'''Ghost:''' Eh, now that the engine's fixed, the Dutchman will never catch up with aye. (engine dies down) Boiler room, we're losing power! Report!
+
Lord Poltergeist: Eh, now that the engine's fixed, the Dutchman will never catch up with aye. [Engine dies down] Boiler room, we're losing power! Report!
  
'''Charlie:''' The engine's on fire, sir! (engine explodes)
+
Charlie: The engine's on fire, sir! [engine explodes]
  
'''Sandy:''' The Dutchman's gaining on us!
+
Sandy: The Dutchman's gaining on us!
  
'''Ghost:''' We're going down! Brace for impact! (all scream as the boat collapses)
+
Lord Poltergeist: We're going down! Brace for impact! [all scream, boat collapses]
  
'''Flying Dutchman:''' Don't go anywhere, kiddies! Cause you're about to be cursed like you've never been cursed before!
+
Flying Dutchman: Don't go anywhere, kiddies! Cause you're about to be cursed like you've never been cursed before!
  
'''SpongeBob:''' Uh-oh. I don't like the sound of that!
+
SpongeBob: Uh-oh. I don't like the sound of that!
  
'''Flying Dutchman:''' Observe! (removes his eye and turns into a missile, laughing and destroying his first mate's ship. Time card appears)
+
Flying Dutchman: Observe! [Dutchman removes his eye and turns into a missile, laughing and destroying Lord Poltergeist's ship]
  
'''French Narrator:''' ''Later, in the void...'' (cut to the Krusty Krab, now known as the "Kursed Krab," in The Void)
+
French Narrator: Later, in the void. [cuts to the Krusty Krab in The Void]
  
'''Ghost:''' Welcome to the Kursed Krab. How may we serve you this eternity?
+
Lord Poltergeist: Welcome to the Cursed Krab. How may we serve you this eternity?
  
'''Skeleton:''' I just need to use the bathroom.
+
Skeleton: I just need to use the bathroom.
  
'''Ghost:''' Aargh, it's right over there.
+
Lord Poltergeist: Aargh, it's right over there.
  
'''Patrick:''' (serves a milkshake) Here's your milkshake, Sandy. (milkshake gremlin pops out)
+
Patrick: Here's your milkshake, Sandy. [Milkshake Gremlin pops out]
  
'''Sandy:''' Got ya, you little gremlin!
+
Sandy: Got ya, you little gremlin!
  
'''Donut:''' And what would you like, sir?
+
Doughnut: And what would you like, sir?
  
'''Ghost Customer:''' I want a plain doughnut! (eats donut off of Patrick's head. The donut gives the ghost its bill)
+
Ghost: I want a plain doughnut! [eats doughnut off of Patrick's head. The doughnut gives the ghost its bill]
  
'''Mr. Krabs:''' How's the holdup, Mr. Squidward!
+
Mr. Krabs: How's the holdup, Mr. Squidward!
  
'''Squidward:''' Everyone's paying with bones.
+
Squidward: Everyone's paying with bones.
  
'''Mr. Krabs:''' Well, money's money!
+
Mr. Krabs: Well, money's money!
  
'''Squidward:''' No, I mean actual bones. (opens cash register, showing bones)
+
Squidward: No, I mean actual bones. [opens cash register, showing bones]
  
'''Mr. Krabs:''' Hmm. Those must be worth something down here.
+
Mr. Krabs: Hmm. Those must be worth something down here.
  
'''SpongeBob:''' Order up, Squidward! Everybody hold onto something! It's time to flip the patties! Hit it! (the SpongeBob demon laughs and flips the Kursed Krab. Everyone else is heard screaming asthe restaurant is flipped. The demon laughs and turns into the Flying Dutchman)
+
SpongeBob: Order up, Squidward! Everybody hold onto something! It's time to flip the patties! Hit it!
  
{{Transcripts/Season 8}}
+
[SpongeBob demon laughs at flips the Cursed Krab, turns into Flying Dutchman as the episode ends]

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