Episode Transcript: Penny Foolish

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Episode Article: Penny Foolish

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(episode starts at the Discount Grocery Mart. Mr. Krabs places a basket of items on the counter and the Saleslady scans them)

Saleslady: Price check on industrial size econo pack of raw fiber.

Mr. Krabs: Ah, it goes in like steel wool, but comes out like an angel from heaven.

Saleslady: Please, tell me more.

Mr. Krabs: Ooh, well, this one time I...

Saleslady: Not really!

Mr. Krabs: I didn't think so. Ooh wait, I almost forgot me coupons! (hands lady a lot of coupons) There's a couple double ones in there too.

Saleslady: Sir, these expired over thirty years ago.

Mr. Krabs: What does that mean?

Saleslady: It means they're no good. Sir, I'll just throw those away for you.

Mr. Krabs: No, wait! I'll take 'em.

Saleslady: Okay sir, your change stay is going to be exactly ten cents.

Mr. Krabs: Come to Papa! Come to Papa! (two nickels slide out) Yay! Two nickels. (laughs, then gasps as he notices SpongeBob walking on the street) Hey, that's SpongeBob out there! (SpongeBob does some weird things) What in blue blazes is that boy up to? (SpongeBob points to something that appears to be a penny, then picks it up) Well, I'll be a jerracter jellyfish! SpongeBob found a penny! A bright shiny penny just sitting there, and he picked it right up! Huh, I can remember the whole thing as if it just happened a moment ago. (Mr. Krabs imagines what just happened)

SpongeBob (in the thought bubble): Sir, Sir... (is actually Saleslady)

Saleslady: ...Sir.

Mr. Krabs: What?

Saleslady: You're holding up the line.

Mr. Krabs: Ooh, I am?

Saleslady: Next please. (bubble-wipe to night where Mr. Krabs is driving his boat)

Mr. Krabs: Interesting how things work out that way. Some folks just walk along and stumble over free money, while others, others, they work! (there's another car next to his and hearing gibberish from Mr. Krabs)

Billy: Hey mommy, look at that weird guy in the car over there!

Billy's Mom: Billy, mommy's watching the road right now.

Mr. Krabs: I mean why couldn't I have just walked along and found it? I have legs too you know! (sighs) How about a little music. Let song. (cut to the music dial, which turns into a penny) Oh! Okay, okay, get a grip Krabs. Just concentrate on driving. Race in minture-- (steering wheel turns into a penny as well. Screams and lets go of it, then holds it again) Okay, getting all worked up over a little coin. Awesome penny great. (laughs) Ah, it must just be the full moon. Wait a second. Oh my first come is... (moon turns into a penny. Screams) I gotta have that penny! (bubble-wipe to the next day at the Krusty Krab. SpongeBob walks in) Good morning SpongeBob.

SpongeBob: Good morning, Mr. Krabs.

Mr. Krabs: Find anything special lately?

SpongeBob: Yes!

Mr. Krabs: Really?

SpongeBob: Yup!

Mr. Krabs: And you want to share it with your old uncle Krabs, don't you boy?

SpongeBob: Of course!

Mr. Krabs: Great! Well, share it with me!

SpongeBob: (laughs) I already am sharing it with you, Mr. Krabs.

Mr. Krabs: Wha.. What?

SpongeBob: The thing I found was a bright, shiny, new...Day! Well I'll be in the kitchen if you need me. (talking to Squidward) Good morning Squidward.

Squidward: Don't talk to me.

SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs seems to be in a good mood today.

Squidward: That counts as talking. (SpongeBob walks into the kitchen, and Mr. Krabs is in there)

SpongeBob: Whoa! Hello again, Mr. Krabs.

Mr. Krabs: Hello, SpongeBob.

SpongeBob: What can I do you for?

Mr. Krabs: Can I borrow a penny?

SpongeBob: A penny? Sure. (checks his pocket) Hmm, sorry. All out of pennies right now.

Mr. Krabs: But did you check all your pockets?

SpongeBob: Well, I thought I did.

Mr. Krabs: Front pockets? (SpongeBob checks them)

SpongeBob: Hmm, No.

Mr. Krabs: Back? (SpongeBob checks)

SpongeBob: Hmm-mm.

Mr. Krabs: Shirt pockets? (SpongeBob checks)

SpongeBob: Nuh-uh.

Mr. Krabs: Shoe pockets?

SpongeBob: (laughs) Shoe pockets. Oh, Mr. Krabs, that is just ridiculous.

Mr. Krabs: It is?

SpongeBob: Well, I do have a tie pocket though. (checks that pocket) No, not in there either.

Mr. Krabs: Hey, maybe it fell in your sock.

SpongeBob: Well, I...

Mr. Krabs: Did you check there? (holds SpongeBob upside down, and shakes him. SpongeBob's brain falls out) Uhh?

SpongeBob: Hey, look, it's my brain! (brain grows legs and walks away) Hey, where's it going? (brain falls though a crack) Ooh, there. (brain crawls on Squidward, and SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs follow it. They find it under a barrel) Aha! (brain squirts liquid at him. Laughs) Not so fast, little guy. There now. Yes, I know. Come here. (brain crawls back into SpongeBob's head)

Mr. Krabs: Uhh?

SpongeBob: What's the matter Mr. Krabs? Didn't you know I was a brain whisperer?

Mr. Krabs: So, uhh, no penny, huh?

SpongeBob: Nope.

Mr. Krabs: Darn! (bubble-wipe to later when SpongeBob is mopping, and hears a noise)

SpongeBob: Squidward, these definite construction sounds are preventing me from working.

Squidward: Me too.

SpongeBob: Do you think we should walk out back to investigate?

Squidward: Never. (SpongeBob and Squidward are now walking out back)

SpongeBob: The sounds are coming from back here. What the? (a movie theater is being built)

Mr. Krabs: Careful with those marquee ladders!

SpongeBob: Hey, Mr. Krabs, you made your own movie theater!

Mr. Krabs: Yes I did.

SpongeBob: Yay!

Mr. Krabs: And you're just in time for the grand opening! (pulls a lever that turns on the electricity on) Step right up folks, and witness a spell binding tale chock full of adventure, and action, and thrills... (he is talking gibberish as two fish walk up)

Frank: You know, I'm not really hungry.

Fred: Yeah, let's go see what this fat guy is yelling about.

Mr. Krabs: ...witness the terrifying challenges overcome by... by...

Fred: By who?

Mr. Krabs: by a... by a pucky young sponge.

SpongeBob: Just like me!

Mr. Krabs: That's right! And the best part is: admission is only one penny!

Squidward: Does a movie like that even exist?

Fred: Yeah, does it?!

Mr. Krabs: Uhh, well, actually I was going to show you this flip book and...

Squidward: A flip book?

Fred: Yeah, I don't even know what that is! (everyone walks away)

Mr. Krabs: No, wait. Noooooooo!

SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, can I see the movie now? Please?

Mr. Krabs: Of course, you can, lad! You just gotta give me one penny.

SpongeBob: But, but...

Mr. Krabs: But what?

SpongeBob: But, I really don't have a penny.

Mr. Krabs: But? But?! BUUUUUUUUUUUTTTTTT?! (screams, and then demolishes the movie theater. Bubble-wipe to night where SpongeBob is walking to the Krusty Krab)

SpongeBob: Huh, that's too bad. I really wanted to see that movie. Oh well. (Squidward is dressed like a waiter)

Squidward: Good evening, (SpongeBob whistles) and... (looks at a piece of paper) ...welcome to the... (looks at paper) ...Krusty Krab semi-annual charity night.

SpongeBob: Squidward? You look beautiful!

Squidward: Let me show you to your table.

SpongeBob: My table? Fancy. (gasps) My very own name tag! (lights turn off and Squidward sighs, as he shines a flash light on Mr. Krabs)

Mr. Krabs: Hello, and welcome to a very important evening. Tonight's event is entitled: "Pennies for the penny-less." And before the following images are shown, I would ask each of you to look not look with your eyes, but with your heart. (Mr. Krabs shows some images) Three dimes, two nickles, one quarter, zero pennies. As I realize the following images seen here tonight may be wretchedly hideous, I am going to tell you what you can do to end this crimsoning: You can donate one penny to me: Mr. Krabs. Also known as: Mr. Krabs, the man who doesn't have one. (starts crying and SpongeBob is crying too)

SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs.

Mr. Krabs: (cheering up) Yes?

SpongeBob: I would like to donate a penny.

Mr. Krabs: You would?

SpongeBob: If I only had one. (starts crying. Mr. Krabs' eyes go into his head, and he screams. Bubble-wipe to SpongeBob's house. Mr. Krabs is using a flower delivery truck to spy on his house. He is speaking gibberish. He then notices SpongeBob walking out the door. He walks in with a metal detector. He looks around)

Mr. Krabs: Hiding it, somewhere. Hiding it. Hiding it. Hiding it. Hiding it.

Gary: Meow.

Mr. Krabs: What's that? You! You know where!

Gary: Meow. (Mr. Krabs picks him up)

Mr. Krabs: Tell where!

Gary: Meow.

Mr. Krabs: Hiding it, inside, (reaches into Gary's shell) in there, somewhere. (lights come on, and SpongeBob walks in)

SpongeBob: (gasps) Mr. Krabs! What is this metal detector doing on the floor? These should only be stored on special racks. (gasps) And you're not wearing your metal detector handling gloves!

Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob I... I... I... I just wanted that penny you found on the street yesterday. Oh, I'm sorry.

SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, that wasn't a penny. (laughs)

Mr. Krabs: It wasn't?

SpongeBob: No, that was just a dried up piece of gum for my collection. I think it's peppermint.

Mr. Krabs: A-HA! (laughs) I feel so relieved. There was no penny after all. Well, I'll be going now. You can keep the metal detector, SpongeBob!

SpongeBob: Thanks, Mr. Krabs. Here Gary, you can play with that. (Gary sniffs it, then spits on it and slithers away. The "gum" then absorbs it) Hey, this isn't gum at all. (pulls it out, revealing that it is a $500 bill) It's just a dumb old $500 bill. This won't go with my chewed up gum collection. (cut to outside SpongeBob's house. SpongeBob's bedroom light is on) Ah well, goodnight Gary. (turns off the light. Camera zooms out revealing that Mr. Krabs is digging holes outside of his house looking for the penny)

Mr. Krabs: Penny, must have buried it around here somewhere. I've just gotta keep digging.

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