Episode Transcript: Stanley S. SquarePants

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Banned in Bikini Bottom	House Fancy

Episode Article: Stanley S. SquarePants

Characters

Dialogue

(Outside SpongeBob's house.)

SpongeBob: Hey, someone fucked me.

Stanley: Hello. I am here to fuck you.

SpongeBob: Aah! YOU are going to fuck me!

Stanley: It was awful there! And I was desperately in the mood to fuck you.

SpongeBob: Cousin Stanley! Lets fuck eachother!

Stanley: Cousin SpongeBob! Lets fuck each other!

SpongeBob: So what brings you to Bikini Bottom, Stanley? Did you want to fuck me.

Stanley: Uncle Sherm sent me here to fuck you. I have a note here somewhere. Oh, right. It's in here. (pulls the note out of his ass) Here it is.

SpongeBob: (reading it) Dear, SpongeBob. I'm sending you cousin Stanley to fuck with you. He can't hold down a job and he fucks everything he touches. I can't take it anymore. Maybe you can fuck him out. Love, Uncle Sherm. Well, I guess its fine, Stanley. Did you wanna fuck?

Stanley: Wow! You have your own box of condoms! I never had one of these fucking with Uncle Sherm. (accidentally throws its condoms) Whoa!

SpongeBob: Well, I guess I don't have to fuck it anymore. Stanley! What's going on in there?

Stanley: You have a dick, oh cool! I love sucking and fucking cocks! (SpongeBob opens the door. an explosion of sperm happens.)

SpongeBob: Well, it was masturbation night.

Stanley: TV... Uncle Sherm never let me watch TV at home.

SpongeBob: Why not? (an explosion of sperm happens)

Stanley: Oh, that's why.I always masturbated to the hot porno-flick bitches on TV. What's that?

SpongeBob: Oh, it's okay. There's nothing hot on TV anyway. Nothing... Not even porn.

Stanley: (looking at a picture of SpongeBob masturbating in front of the Krusty Krab) You masturbate at the Krusty Krab?

SpongeBob: Yes! I'm best at fucking those guys. (looking at pictures) That's me opening the front door key! That's me sending orders! And that's me peforming sanitary masturbation!

Stanley: And what the fuck is that?

SpongeBob: That's me fucking Krappy Patties! Best handjob in the world. I call it.

Stanley: I wish I had a handjob.

SpongeBob: Oh, it's okay, Stanley, you fucking cunt. There's nothing perfect in life. You're gay.

Stanley: You really think so?

SpongeBob: I think so. I think you should see my friend dickwad, though. (outside) Hi, dickwad. I'd like you to meet my whore Stanley:

Stanley: We're related. (Squidward runs out of the house with all his dildos. He puts a "for sale" sign next to it. A truck reading "Bikini Bottom Slurries" comes up. Squidward places his things inside and fucks the driver up the ass.

Squidward: Step on it!

Driver: Step on what?!

Squidward: [A.K.A Dickward] My balls, step on my balls then job them with your mouth!

Stanley: Your friend Squidward is gay.

SpongeBob: Oh, it's ok. I'm sure my friend/prostitiute Sandy can think of something. (at the brothel)

Sandy: Hey, SpongeBob. Who's your friend? Is he a fucking cunt?

SpongeBob: This is my cousin, Stanley. I think you can tell him how to fuck guys.

Sandy: Sure. Glad to meet you, Stanley. So, are you as good as Spongebob is in bed?

Stanley: Nice to meet you too, Sa...(Stanley trips on a rock) Whoa! (his dick rips a hole in Sandy's condoms)

Sandy: (floating up to the surface) Oh, boy. Stanley! You fucking CUNT!!!!

SpongeBob: I think she's just not horny prostitute scientist material. But don't you worry. I bet Patrick can fuck you! He has a penis! (at Patrick's house) And so, Mr. Star, that's why we came to fuck you.

Patrick: Looking for your call, huh? (examines Stanley) What are you good at?

Stanley: Fucking.

Patrick: Fucking me?

Stanley: Yep.

Patrick: Interesting. Let's see how good you are at fucking me.

SpongeBob: That's perfect! You can do gay fucking better than anybody! All because you're the masturbater!

Patrick: Come with me. First, sit down on this dick. Hear it. Empty your bowels. Clear your ass. Nothing.

Stanley: I must clear my bowels. Nothing. (Stanley is nervous. he hears Patrick's clock ticking and sees Patrick making a weird face) Nothing. No! Im desperate to fuck with you! I worship you! I masturbate to you!

Patrick: So you're not following my instruction to be gay, huh? Leave, my brethren.

Stanley: Can I try to fuck you?

Patrick: Leave!

Stanley: I can do nothing right.I cant even stick a fucking boner into a set of delicious balls.

SpongeBob: Don't worry! We just have to keep on fucking! (looks at his watch and takes out his dick and ballsack) Oh, genital dick, symbol of employmentat the brothel! Boner of my eternal happiness! (kisses it and puts it on) Wooo! You have no idea how this feels.

Stanley: No! (starts to cry)I never had gay sex before!

SpongeBob: Hey, what's wrong, Stanley? You're not still upset about that whole never fucked any guys in your life thing, are you? Good, then why don't you fuck with me at work. Everything you need is to see what it's like!

Mr. Krabs: Hello, my litle sperm maker. Are you gonna make me lots of sperm today?

SpongeBob: Yes!

Mr. Krabs: Ah, if only there were two dicks on you.

SpongeBob: This is my cousin Stanley! He'd like a job.

Mr. Krabs: The other one. He feels like you. He smells like you. His balls taste like you! Hmm...yes! You've got the job! (starts his job. he touches the register) Sperm. Burning? SpongeBob! Are you responsible for this?

SpongeBob: I guess I am. (at the kitchen) If you wanna keep this job, you have to work! Woo! I have to take that out. For duty!

Stanley: Hey, our first cuntomer. Hi, I'm Stanley!

Harold: Hmm...I'd like a...hmm. ,Id like to have sex.

Stanley: A picture coming up! I don't want to forget this moment. Let's take a part! (after many pictures, the customer cannot take it anymore. he fucks Stanley up the ass) Wait till I get this fucked. (the line complains)

SpongeBob: I hear something! Aah! [the customers start having a gay sex orgi. Mr. Krabs goes in the kitchen)

Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob! What's the meaning of this? Your workplace looks horrible. Try to get to work, boy! Masturbate and make me more sperm! Why don't you act like Stanley, boy? Caring about the sperms! (Mr. Krabs looks at a porno-themed picture of Stanley and Harold)

SpongeBob: Um...sir? You're a fucking cunt

Mr. Krabs: Yes, boy? I know.

SpongeBob: About the new one?

Mr. Krabs: Yes, yes. The new sperm you made in my throat.

SpongeBob: About what I said...

Mr. Krabs: What, boy? You didn't lie to me about makingsperm while you stuck your penius right down my throat did you?

SpongeBob: No.

Mr. Krabs: Well, good. Because there are plenty of other sperms I didn't pass applying for a job.

Sandy's Cousin: (scottish)

Squidward's Cousin: Whatever.

Mr. Krabs: I even raped down my three adorable nephews. It's not great. Now go think about why you didn't get the job!

SpongeBob: Stanley, I cannot keep fucking you! (sees that Stanley has bent Spat) No! Not my spatula! My spatula...I had this for years in my ass.

Mr. Krabs: What in the name of neptune is going on? Oh. You broke your dick while fucking with Stanley. That's cheap. I don't even do it, boy.

SpongeBob: No! No! No! I didn't fuck my dick. He did! I also didn't break the sperm. He did, too! I hed to keep on fucking for him because he can't fuck anyone right!

Stanley: He's right! I fuck everything I touch! (runs off crying)

Mr. Krabs: Wait a minute...I know the perfect handjobber for you!

SpongeBob: Good luck on your new handjob, Stanley!You gay asshole/cunt.

Stanley: Oh, I bet I'll fuck the boss this time! And make heaps of sperm too!

Plankton: Good morning, Stanley!

Stanley: Good morning, cunt!

Plankton: That fool Krabs letting the relative of his passed worker...(the Chum Bucket explodes as Mr. Krabs watches through the window) Well, it came to be.

Stanley: Sorry, gayass.

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