Episode Transcript: The Krabby Kronicle

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Episode Article: The Krabby Kronicle

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(Episode begins at Krusty Krab with SpongeBob in the Kitchen)

SpongeBob: Order up!

Mr. Krabs: How's it looking out there boy?

SpongeBob: Like 2 more satisfied regulars, Mr. K.

Mr. Krabs: I ain't interested in same old regulars, SpongeBob! So I took out an ad in the Bikini Bottom Examinor to bring in some new customers! It was a bargain too. (SpongeBob takes a magnifying glass and looks at it) Only cost me a nickel. So tell me now, boy. How many new customers we got out there so far?

SpongeBob: Oooh, let me see there was... none.

Mr. Krabs: WHAT? What do you mean none? Don't these people read the paper? (Walks outside to the newspaper carriers, blows on one) Oooh, this thing hasn't been touched in months. (notices the other one, and there is a long line) While that paper's selling like Krabby Patties. Uh, pardon me, sir. Could I interest you in a copy of the Examinor, this fine day?

Peterson: Ha! Nobody reads the Examinor, bud. It's all full of boring charts and facts! The Bottomfeeder's where it's at! It's got like interesting stories and stuff.

Mr Krabs: (Reading the Newspaper) Fishboy Strikes Again? (Not reading) Wait a minute, aren't these stories a little less than truthful?

Peterson: I don't know. But they're selling!

Mr. Krabs: Yes, they certanly are. (Lady puts in coin to get a newspaper) Please, allow me.

Fish 1: Thank you!

Mr. Krabs: No, thank you. Now let's see how much they charge for advertising. (screams) 25¢ PER WORD! The newspaper buisness sure is easy money! (Mr. Krab's shell craks and underneath it is his body, but in money form) That gives me an idea! (The money falls out of place. Scene cut to the next day at the Krusty Krab. SpongeBob walks in.)

SpongeBob: What a fantabulastical day! Eh, Squiddie?

Squidward: Yep, what another wonderful hum-drum day slinging burgers. (SpongeBob walks into the kitchen but hits his face on something.)

Mr. Krabs: Off of your duff, boy. You think I spent all last night assembling this printing press, so you could laze around all day? From now on you'll be twice as busy. And I expect you to wear 2 hats. 'Cause along with your usual fry cooking duties, you're my new lead reporter for the new Krabby Kronicle! (A press badge on SpongeBob is shown)

SpongeBob: Oh! My very own press badge!

Mr. Krabs: That's right boy! And here's your very own camera! So you'll need it to document all them juicy stories you're gonna write. Now what are you waiting for, boy? (cuts to SpongeBob walking down the street)

SpongeBob: On the thirst for a juicy story, eh? Hmm, but what kind of story is juicy enough to quench there dry news gullets? I don't even know where to begin to look. (there is a bank robbery going on, two tough fish destryoing someones boat with fire in the background, and a monster) No news to report here. Stop the presses, it's Lupo! And he appears to be waiting for the bus! This is the kind of breaking story my readers are waiting for! (takes a picture of Patrick) Patrick Star, i'm scoop SquarePants from the Krabby Kronicle. Everyone's wondering, what bus are you taking today?

Patrick: Oh, i'm not taking a bus SpongeBob. I am watching this pole. So the next time it moves, I will see it!

SpongeBob: Woah, this story is juicy! (cuts to the Krusty Krab where there is a sign that says "The KRABBY KRONiCLE" on it. SpongeBob is writing on the type writer, then puts it in a pile of papers, then finished the headline for the paper, then puts it in the printing press. Mr. Krabs walks in)

Mr. Krabs: What a money-tastical day! Eh, Mr. Squidward?

Squidward: Yeah, i'm just breaking it in.

Mr. Krabs: I'm excited about all the newspaper sales, too.

Squidward: We haven't sold any papers today.

Mr. Krabs: What do you mean we haven't sold any newspapers? Certainly this gentlemen would like a copy of the Krabby Kronicle.

Frank: Looks boring. Can I just have a Krabby Patty?

Mr. Krabs: Too boring? (looks at paper) SpongeBob! What's the meaning of this?

SpongeBob: Meaning of what, Mr. Krabs?

Mr. Krabs: Local resident watches pole? No ones gonna pay to read this malarky! When you write these stories, you've gotta use a little imagination, boy.

SpongeBob: Imagination!

Mr. Krabs: Yeah. Maybe instead of Man watches pole, you could say something like... oh... Man marries pole. Then you can alter the photo a little to fit the headline and, see? (Mr. Krabs modified it to look like what he said) Now that's a juicy story!

SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, isn't that lying?

Mr. Krabs: Don't think of it as lying, boy. Think of it as... uh... A practical joke. You know. Something everybody can have a good laugh about. The public expects a little ambalishment here and there, so I want you to go out there, and get me a lead story that'll sell! (cuts to an intersection, and SpongeBob is hiding behind a trash can. Smoke pulls up, and then a policeman pulls up behind here along with thirteen bikers, among one them is Kaneda. SpongeBob takes a picture, and both of them look around)

SpongeBob: (laughs) Mrs. Puff is going to laugh her hat off when she reads this! (cuts to a newspaper that says "Boating Teacher in High Speed Chase")

Mr. Krabs: Pink-haired Biker Girl and Rest via High Speed Chase! I think you finally done it, boy! You've given me a story that'll sell! And sell it has! (everyone has a copy of the newspaper, and Squidward hands Harold a copy)

SpongeBob: Yeah, but that isn't the story I wrote.

Mr. Krabs: That's called anatroil privilige, son. It gives you that extra oomph to move units. Besides, how could such a little news story, possibly effect Mrs. Puff in any way? (cuts to Jail)

Kaneda: Dammit! I can't believe such a loser had me in Jail! (cuts to SpongeBob hiding in a chimney)

Girl: Me Too! AAARRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

SpongeBob: Let's see what there is to see. Wait a minute. Usopp aka "Sogeking". Hmm, wonder what kind of dirt he has in his slingshot. (goes in the chimney, then hides behind a dumpster) Uh-huh, this looks shady, very shady. (Larry walks up to someone)

Xiao Shen Dai: Usopp. Can I talk to you, please?

Usopp: Sure. (put his hand on Shen Dai's back, and SpongeBob takes a picture, a few minutes later)

Xiao Shen Dai: I glad we had this talk.

Usopp: Thanks.

SpongeBob: Very interesting! (cuts to a military school, and a drill sargent is pushing Usopp out)

Drill Sargent: Out! Out! Out!

Usopp: Hey, what's the big idea?

Drill Sargent: This. (hand him the newspaper)

Usopp: (reading) Usopp Plants "Kick Me" Sign on Shen Dai? (not reading) But, but, but...

Drill Sargent: No buts! I can't have a troublemaker playing pranks on superiors like Flight Lt. Shen Dai and neither can Captain Hoo-ha of Commodore Amberjack! You're expelled! (throw's him out, then SpongeBob walks up)

SpongeBob: Hello Usopp.

Usopp: Not now, SpongeBob. Let me take in the fact that my life is ruined!

SpongeBob: Ruined? What are you talking about?

Usopp: These lies, someone wrote about me. (shows him the paper, and SpongeBob gasps. Scene cut's to the Krusty Krab)

Mr. Krabs: Thank's for your buisness, and here's your paper.

SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, can I have a word with you?

Mr. Krabs: Make it quick boy. These papers are selling faster then we can print 'em!

SpongeBob: That's exactly what I wanted to talk to you about, sir. I don't think these stories are doing anyone, any good.

Mr. Krabs: Well, they're certainlly doing me some good. (shows him his office, where there is alot of money) Can you believe it? Look at all this loot! (sits in a pile of money)

SpongeBob: Yeah, but isn't there a way we could write juicy stories without hurting people?

Mr. Krabs: Ah, you just don't get it, do you boy? We're not hurting anyone. We're just making there lives interesting, for everybody else. Now get out there, and fetch another story! (cuts to a store runned by a elderly entergetic Turbo Duel fan with a expense Duel Disk)

Fan: Oh Honey, I think we're rich!

Police Officer: I think not. I'm Officer Sanzo. You're under arrest!

Fan: Why? I haven't done anything.

Officer Sanzo: That's not what this says. (shows him the paper)

Fan: (reading) Disks And D-Wheels Made From Your Cars and Knightmares? We Sell 'em At Low Prices Because We Care? (not reading) What? (the health inspector lock down the Chum store, cuts away to a paddy wagon, and then to a jail cell, filled with anger) Who's to blame for this? Who? (SpongeBob is watching the jail, and then walks away, scene then cuts to a long line, and Mr. Krabs is in his office with more money)

Mr. Krabs: You're reaching new level's of imagination, boyo!

SpongeBob: Yeah I, I know.

Mr. Krabs: What's wrong boy? You sick or something?

SpongeBob: Yes Mr. Krabs, you could say that.

Mr. Krabs: Don't be silly, boy! We're a success!

SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, we're hurting people!

Mr. Krabs: Oh, balony! And you better start feeling right! 'Cause if you don't, you can just kiss your spatular goodbye!

SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, you wouldn't!

Mr. Krabs: Oh, darn tootin I would! Now get out there, and bring me a juicy one!

SpongeBob: (sadly) Aye-aye, captain. (cuts to Lelouch aka Zero along with his fellow kinghts, the SPK, and C.C.)

Zero: Knights, Britannia has reared its ugly head yet again this time by detaining political opponents in summer camps. What worse is that campers are also considered prisoners along with the detained staff. Our next plan will be liberating detainees from Britannia's newly established wretched work camps (formely known Camp Kidney and Acorn Flats) that formed in Prickley Pines. Joining with us on this mission are Casey Ryback and Diethard Ried. The plans will go as followed: Ried will sneak into a group of protestors which will create attention as a result. Next, Ryback will... (stops and looks around only to see a extremely large and wide man wielding a large gun with a large group of men in helmets with guns)

Large Man: Well well well...what do we have here? A bin filled with trash that needs to be taken out!!

Kallen Kozuki: What are you talking about?

Other Man: Haven't you read today's headline's? (hold up newspaper and tosses it to group, C.C. picks it up and hand it to Zero)

C.C.: Zero, look at this! (reading) Black Knights of Justice: Fierce Crusaders of Foolish Knaves? Anti-Britannian radical Zero is revealed to be former prince of Empire, by SpongeBob SquarePants? (not reading)

Zero: Grrrrrr! That man thinks he has the nerve do that to us?

Large Man: Yes, and now it's time to eat lead. (he laughes but then starts sweating and foolishly removes his helmet which Zero notices)

Zero: Well, all I can say is you caught us...however you didn't count on one thing...Kill your own Men!!! (activates Geass)

Large Man: Yes (gunshots are heard offscreen)

Mr. Krabs: You've really outdone yourself this time! (his eyes water up, and SpongeBob absorbs it, and Mr. Krabs squeezes it out)

SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, I can't write these stories anymore.

Mr. Krabs: Come on, that's a bunch of hooey!

SpongeBob: I've seen people's lives ruined, with my own eyes!

Mr. Krabs: People want wild juicy stories! That's what sells! Now I want your little yellow noggin, to come up with the wildest story ever! One that'll top all the others!

SpongeBob: Gee Mr. Krabs, I've written about everybody in town. Any ideas, sir?

Mr. Krabs: Surprise me! Give me a shocker! (throws him in his chair) Good night boy. I'll check on you tommorow morning. And remember, the wildest story ever! (leaves)

SpongeBob: Oh, the wildest story ever, huh? (starts writing, then cuts to the next day where the paper's are being printed, and Mr. Krabs runs in)

Mr. Krabs: How's it going, lad? (SpongeBob turns around, and he is very tired)

SpongeBob: Ahh, it's a surprise.

Mr. Krabs: Excellent! We're gonna sell out in no time! We'll have to do another printing. (runs outside, and there is an angry mob) Huh?

Fish 1: Task master!

Mr. Krabs: What's going on?

Fish 1: You should know! (shows him the newspaper)

Mr. Krabs: (reading) Krab's Overworks Employees? Reaps Reward? Krabby Kronicle Mastermind Behind Bogus Stories Works His Tired, Under-Paid Reporter Pennies While He Rakes In the Dough?

Fish 1: How could you do that to such an innocent child? You sick bastard!

Zero: Not to mention, the fact that he's written lies about us and attempted to destroy us when we hated Britannia for atrocities against numbers!

Old Man: I lost my store because of you!

Plankton: And I thought I was evil.

Usopp: All the kids in town played nasty pranks on me! (cries)

Kaneda: And I've to spend four days in detention getting beaten up by that Pink-haired bitch!

Pink-haired girl: You idiotic boy!! My name is Smoke, and I was arrested along with you and your no-good friends!! Tee hee

Kaneda's little friend: Hey we're not....

Fish 1: Oh that's it! We're taking our money back! Who's with me?!

Everyone: YEAH (everyone runs in, and takes bags of money while leaving a trail of destruction)

Mr. Krabs: No! (screams, then cries)

SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, are you okay?

Mr. Krabs: How can I be okay when me money's gone? All gone! It just goes to show, trying to make an easy buck doesn't pay. (notices the printing press) Or does it? (puts a dollar in the printing press, and turns it on, which makes sheets of paper with just pictures of money) Get me some scisssors, boyo! It's time to use my imagination!

Patrick: Hey guys. Can you fix me and the wife a couple of Krabby Patties? (Patrick's "wife", is the pole as described in the newspaper earlier)

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