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Episode Transcript: Sing a Song of Patrick
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Episode Article: Sing a Song of Patrick
Characters
Dialogue
(The first shot shows the whole town of Bikini Bottom. Pan in to show Patrick at a comic store, moved to tears by the comic, causing quite a ruckus.)
Patrick: Ah!!! No!!! No!!!
(He stops crying and starts cheering loudly.)
Patrick: Yay!!! Ha Ha!!! Ha Ha!!!
Fish #1: If only "Inaudible Lad" were here right now.
Patrick: Oh.
(He gobbles down the comic book.)
Patrick: Nothing satisfies like a good story.
(SpongeBob walks up to Patrick with a pile of 20-40 comic books. But Patrick can't see SpongeBob.)
SpongeBob: Are you ready to go, Patrick?
Patrick: Ahh! Get back! I wasn't gonna eat all of you!
SpongeBob: Patrick, it's me!
Patrick: Sponge-!!!
(He is cut off by a loud belch. An advertisement from the comic book blows onto SpongeBob's face.)
SpongeBob: What's this?
Patrick: Whatever it is, it's mine! Unless I don't want it.
(He looks it over.)
Patrick: Hmm... SpongeBob!!! What do all these words say?
SpongeBob: It's an ad! (Reading) "Dear comic book reader..."
Patrick: That's me!!!
SpongeBob: ..."Have you ever thought about turning one of your poems into a hit song on the radio?"...
Patrick: I've never thought about anything!
SpongeBob: ..."Send in your poem and $100 and we'll make it a hit!" Can we go, now? My arms are getting tired.
Patrick: I wanna send in my poem and everyone would love it, and I would be a star!
SpongeBob: You can't always trust ads in comic books. Those X-Ray specs I ordered couldn't see through people's skin at all. Only their clothes. Plus, you don't have $100.
(His wallet falls out of his back pants pocket, and he struggles to reach for it with his legs.)
SpongeBob: Patrick, could you get my wallet?
(Patrick picks it up.)
Patrick: Hey, look, I just found $100! It's a sign that I should make my hit record!
SpongeBob: Hey, that's my comic book money!
Patrick: It's a sign! A sign that fell from the back of your pants! I've learned to trust signs like that.
SpongeBob: (As Patrick walks away) Patrick!
Comic Book Shopkeeper: Hey, you gonna pay for those comics?
(SpongeBob's arms pop off from the weight of the comics.)
SpongeBob: No.
(Cut outside where we see SpongeBob being kicked out of the "Near Mint Comic Books" store.) Can I have my arms back?
(Cut to Patrick standing outside SpongeBob's pineapple house, talking to him.)
Patrick: I wish not to be disturbed, SpongeBob. For I am about to erupt with masterpiece!
SpongeBob: Good luck!
(Patrick leaves and SpongeBob shuts the door. Then, the doorbell rings.)
SpongeBob: Coming!
(Patrick opens the door, crushing SpongeBob behind it.)
Patrick: SpongeBob! Can I borrow a pencil and a piece of paper and a place to work?(cut to other room) SpongeBob this pencil won't make words!
SpongeBob: You have to think of the words yourself.
Patrick:I think I wrote a poem once... (cut to flashback)A poem by Patrick Star. Roses are blue, violets are red, I have to go to the bathroom (swallows paper)
Gym teacher: How many times do I have to tell you, this is gym class.(blows whistle)dodge balls.(Patrick gets pelted with Dodge balls)
Patrick: Dodge balls.(SpongeBob walks in with what looks like a dodge ball)
SpongeBob: Oh, Patrick!
Patrick: (screams)Don't hit me with that dodge ball!(light turns on, pan over to see SpongeBob holding Gary)
SpongeBob: Why would I hit you with a Dodge ball?
Patrick: I've never told anyone this, I wrote a poem once
SpongeBob: No
Patrick: It gets worse, When I read it to the class, the pelted me with dodge Balls, just because we were playing dodge ball!(cries, sad music plays, SpongeBob takes needle off record)
SpongeBob: You can play your records later, Gary. Is that why you've been having trouble writing
Patrick: I'm afraid you wont like it and you'll pelt me with dodge balls.
SpongeBob: Oh, I don't even own a dodge ball, do you, Gary?
Gary: Meow.
Patrick: I'm going to write this poem, I'm even gonna use my brain!
SpongeBob: Good thinking, Pat, I'll open a window.
Patrick: Come On, Work, You stupid brain, Work, Work!!!!!!! (grunting, gears start turning inside his head)It's working(starts writing, smoke comes out of the window)
Squidward: Huh?(face shrivels up)What is that horrible smell?(SpongeBob walks outside)Is Patrick thinking again?(Patrick sticks head out window)
Patrick: I'm making art!!!
Squidward: Patrick, it smells like something crawled in your brain and died.
Patrick: Ready to go to the post office?(shows envelope full of something)I want to mail in my masterpiece.(cut to Bigshot records)
Singer #1: ...and that's why your my gooky wooky teddy bear.(music stops)
Singer #2: I hate my life.
Singer #3: I hate your life, too dude.
Manager: People, we've got 17 more songs to finish this hour! The next one is "I wrote this" by Patrick Star(vomits a little, band member takes paper)
Singer #4: This one's really bad, it made my eyeballs throw up!
Singer #1: Oh yeah?(eyeballs implode)
Manager: I don't care how awful his song is; we spent his hundred bucks already!!!
Singer #1: C'mon guys, we're gonna do this if it kills us. And a one, and a two, and a...(cut to bands funeral)
Fish #1: They wanted you to have this.(hands Patrick his song)
Patrick: My song!! Whoo!(cut to SpongeBob's house)Now you promise not to hit me with a dodge ball?
SpongeBob: I see no dodge balls here, just an artist and his work.
Patrick: And me! Now get comfortable(SpongeBob sits down, Patrick pushes in giant amplifier)
SpongeBob: Uh, Patrick
Patrick: SpongeBob SquarePants, are you ready to rock?!? Whoo!(sits down next to SpongeBob, pushes button on remote, loud music starts)
SpongeBob: Its really loud!!!
Patrick: You want it louder? Okay!!
song: "I wrote this"
Twinkle, twinkle, Patrick Star I made myself a sandwich
My mommy named it "Fred" It tastes like beans and bacon And smells like it's been dead
Writing stuff is hard, so I use a pointy pencil
pointy, pointy, pointy, pointy, pointy, point. phew, what's that horrible smell(drum solo!)
I have a head, it ends in a point. pointy, pointy, pointy, pointy, pointy, point.
This song is over, except for this line You win this round, Broccoli
(house melts, amplifier falls on SpongeBob and Patrick)
Patrick: So how was it, did you like it, or did you really like it?
SpongeBob: oh, well Patrick, they're is no easy way to say this..... THAT WAS THE GREATEST SONG I EVER HEARD!!!
Patrick: You really mean it?
SpongeBob: Yeah, we gotta get that on the radio!!(Patrick pulls Spongebob's arm off) Darn, I just got that arm back. (cut to radio station)
Patrick: Man, I can't Wait to see the look on their face when they hear this!!(someone screams, Spongebob and Patrick thrown out)
Spongebob: Did you see the look on his face?
Patrick: Yeah. Did you see his ears?
SpongeBob: I didn't know they could turn inside-out like that. Now how are we gonna get your record on the radio?
Patrick: What record?
To Be Continued
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