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Episode Transcript: Krusty Krab Training Video
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Episode Article: Krusty Krab Training Video
Characters
Dialogue
(episode begins with a series of close-ups in the restaurant)
Narrator: (clears throat) Welcome aboard. If you're watching this video, then let me be the first to say "Congratulations!" (a rainbow with the word "congratulations" appears) You've recently been hired by the Krusty Krab restaurant. (a hat, a spatula, and a bucket appear in SpongeBob's hands) And this is your first official day of training.
SpongeBob: Can I make a Krabby Patty now?
Narrator: No, no, you've got a lot to learn before you're ready to make a Krabby Patty. (SpongeBob gets mad) As you can see by this graph... (cut to a giraffe. Narrator clears his throat) Graph. (a graph is shown. A Krusty Krab is moving up) You are now employed by one of the most successful restaurants in Bikini Bottom. But it didn't get that way overnight... (it's nighttime) because the store closes at 6:00. (cut to picture of Mr. Krabs smiling with the Krusty Krab behind him) No, the story of the Krusty Krab is the story of one man's hard work, perseverance, vision, determination, and sweat. (scene cuts to one of Mr. Krabs' armpits) But mostly, his sweat. (cut to a Krabby Patty sliding across the screen) From humble beginnings. (cut to black and white footage of Mr. Krabs as a child, walking up to a soda machine) You may think Mr. Eugene H. Krabs, owner and founder of Krusty Krab Inc., has always been the financial wizard he is today. (Mr. Krabs puts in one of his quarters, then takes it out, as it's attached to a piece of rope with a hole in the quarter) And you're right! (Mr. Krabs laughs while drinking his soda. Wipe to an older Mr. Krabs, in a room with bars at the window) After the war, Krabs stayed secluded in a deep depression that seemed endless. (cut to the Krusty Krab, then a retirement home called the Rusty Krab, with elderly fish outside playing shuffleboard) But then his luck changed when he acquired a bankrupt retirement home, and with a few minor alterations, the Krusty Krab was born. (Mr. Krabs paints a giant K, in red paint, on a sign outside. Cut to the Krusty Krab. We can hear a baby crying in the background. Cut to a Krabby Patty with a light shining on it) Sounds like a lot of--
Hoopla Fish: Hoopla!
Narrator: Sounds like a lot of--
Hoopla Fish: Hoopla!
Narrator: Sounds like a--
Hoopla Fish: Hoopla! (camera pans over to a little kid shouting) HOOPLA!!! (gets hit in the head with a brick, thus knocking him out)
Narrator: Sounds like a lot of hoopla to make over a little Krabby Patty, right? (chuckles) WRONG! (camera shakes. Cut to a Krabby Patty sliding across the screen again) The Krusty Krab today. (cut to a series of close-ups in the restaurant. Cut to a view of the inside of the Krusty Krab, where customers are eating) To keep up with today's demanding customers, no expense has been spared to acquire all the latest achievements in fast-food technology.
Mr. Krabs: (holds up a spatula in his left hand) This here is an advanced patty-control mechanism. (now standing at the register) Here, you can see our automated money-handling system. Don't touch! (now holding ice cubes) These are your high-quality beverage temperature devices. Imported. (holds up a straw) This here's a prototype liquid transfer machine. (puts the straw in an orange drink and drinks it) And most importantly, (holds up some ketchup packets) you get your state-of-the-art condiment-dispersal units. Now, are you gonna buy something or just stand there, 'cause there's a standing fee.
Narrator: (SpongeBob is standing there when a packet of ketchup, ice cubes, a cash register, a spatula, and a straw appear around him) All of this modernization seems a little overwhelming, doesn't it? (the items spin around him and he tries to track them with his eyes, getting dizzy) Well, luckily for you, Mr. Krabs' fear of robot overlords keeps the balance of technology in check. (items disappear and SpongeBob floats to the right. Scene changes to SpongeBob standing next to Squidward near the cash register) But if modernization is the heart of the Krusty Krab, then employees are the liver and gall bladder. (close-up of SpongeBob) Let's see if you've got what it takes. Hmmm, poised, confident, and a smile that says, "Hello world! May I take your order?" You've got the makings of a good employee, Mr. SquarePants! But for every good employee, there's one who is not so good. (close-up of Squidward reading his magazine) Let's see, inattentive, impatient, a glazed look in the eyes. (close-up of the button Squidward is wearing on his shirt) Look carefully at the "I Really Wish I Weren't Here Right Now!" button. There's a name for employees like this, but we'll call him Squidward. (as the Narrator has a strong voice, he pronounces it "Squid-woord")
Squidward: I'm getting paid overtime for this, right, Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: (offscreen in his office) Sorry, I can't hear you! (cut to a Krabby Patty sliding across the screen again)
Narrator: Training.
SpongeBob: Does this mean I get to make a Krabby Patty now?
Narrator: No, you can't make a Krabby Patty without understanding the phrase "POOP".
SpongeBob: POOP?
Narrator: Once you understand POOP, you'll understand your place at the Krusty Krab. But what does POOP mean? (SpongeBob shrugs his shoulders) It's actually a carefully organized code. Watch closely. "People Order Our Patties".
SpongeBob: Ah, POOP! (smiles with confidence)
Narrator: Looks like Mr. SquarePants understands POOP. (cut to a customer walking up to Squidward) Here's a typical customer. I wonder what he wants? Well, if we just remember POOP, we can figure it out.
Customer: I'd like to order-- (scene freeze-frames)
Narrator: Do you think he's going to order: (three choices appear as the Narrator says them) A: A sofa, B: An expensive haircut, or C: A patty? (scene unfreezes)
Customer: --one patty please.
Narrator: Ah, POOP, you never let us down! (cut to a giant Krabby Patty) Now that you understand POOP, I bet you think you're ready to make a Krabby Patty.
SpongeBob: Krabby Patty! (runs towards the Krabby Patty. Just as he is about to get to it, he gets splatted with a flyswatter)
Narrator: Ha-ha! Not so fast, Eager McBeaver. We haven't even talked about: (cut to a toilet) Personal Hygiene. (toilet flushes. Cut to SpongeBob in front of a sink) Every employee at the Krusty Krab must comply with a strict set of personal hygiene guidelines. (SpongeBob turns the faucet on) Okay, Mr. SquarePants, are you ready to prepare for your shift? (SpongeBob lathers his hands with soap) A good employee always scrubs his hand thoroughly. Be sure to get under those fingernails. (SpongeBob nods and scrubs a bit harder) And don't forget about the knuckles. (SpongeBob scrubs a bit harder) And make sure those palms are squeaky clean. (SpongeBob scrubs the hardest he can) All right, let's see those hands. (holds up his hands, but they are invisible from scrubbing so much) Now that's thorough! (chuckles. Cut to SpongeBob's shiny black shoes) After making sure your feet are polished... (sprays and wipes his shoes) ...your face is clear of any blemishes or boils... (SpongeBob cuts his boil off with a pair of scissors) ...and your hair is neat and tidy... (SpongeBob lifts up his hat, sprays a little hairspray on it to make it straight, then puts his hat back on) ...you are ready to start the day. Now let's see how Squidward prepares for his shift. (one of the bathroom stall doors opens to show Squidward sleeping on the toilet, with his magazine on his lap. Squidward notices and closes the stall door) Remember, no employee wants to be a Squidward! (a giant Krabby Patty appears on the screen again) Now that you're clean and hygienic, I'll bet you think you're ready to make that Krabby Patty.
SpongeBob: (yells in excitement) I'm ready! (splits into two SpongeBobs) I'm ready!! (splits into more SpongeBobs) I'm ready!! (splits into more SpongeBobs) I'm ready!!! (many flyswatters come onto screen and swat all SpongeBobs)
Narrator: Whoa there! We still have a few more topics to cover first. (cut to some vegetables, a spatula, and some ingredients on a table) Your Work Station. (cut to SpongeBob vacuuming on top of the grill) It's important to keep your area tidy and free of droppings. But a clean workstation is only part of the job. (cut to SpongeBob thinking of a Krabby Patty in a thought bubble of his) To make the vision in your head a reality, you'll need supplies. And a good employee always keeps his supplies well organized. (SpongeBob opens up a cabinet, then opens the bottom drawer to reveal a bunch of folders with names of ingredients and vegetables on there. He picks up a tomato from a folder labeled "T") Very nice, Mr. SquarePants, not a pickle out of place. (SpongeBob peeks out the kitchen door) Now let's see how Squidward keeps his work station. (Squidward is sleeping with a magazine on his face. He wakes up)
Squidward: Huh? (shouts) Oh! (falls on the floor. The cash register drawer opens up and hits Squidward on the head)
Narrator: Don't worry Squidward, Mr. SquarePants can cover for you. (cut to SpongeBob standing next to the grill) Now that your workstation is up and running, perhaps you think you're ready to make the world-famous Krabby Patty. (SpongeBob barks, then runs around the room. Laughs) Calm down. (a bone is thrown at him. He plays with it) There's plenty of time left. We have to make sure you're ready for the psychological aspect of the job: Interfacing with Your Boss. (cut to SpongeBob walking up to Mr. Krabs in his office)
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, can I have a raise?
Mr. Krabs: No.
Narrator: Good job, Mr. SquarePants!
SpongeBob: (runs up to the camera) Can I make a Krabby Patty now? (cut to Patrick walking into the Krusty Krab)
Narrator: And now we move from "behind the scenes" to the front lines, where we'll examine the most important aspect of the industry: the customer. Or as we like to say, the "Krustomer".
Patrick: (stops) Who said that? Are you a ghost?
Narrator: Like precious, precious blood in an animal, customers are what keeps the Krusty Krab strong and alive.
Patrick: Squidward, your ceiling is talking to me!
Squidward: Are you going to order something or just make friends with the paneling?
Patrick: Uhh...I'll have an, uhh...uhh...uhh...ah...uh... (falls asleep and drools. Squidward snaps his fingers, causing him to wake up) What's that?
Squidward: Patrick, go be stupid somewhere else.
Narrator: Ah-ah-ah, Squidward, remember what Mr. Krabs says.
Mr. Krabs: The money is always right!
Patrick: The ceiling is right, Squidward. You're not a very good employee.
Squidward: Fine. May I please take your order?
Patrick: I'll have uhh...ah... (drools again. Squidward gets angry)
Narrator: We'll check in with these two later. (cut to a siren) Right now, it's important that we discuss an emergency situation! (cut to SpongeBob standing by a Krabby Patty, looking around for something) Like the lost gold of Atlantis, many consider the Krabby Patty to be a treasure. And as with every treasure, there's a thief ready steal it. So it's up to you to be the watchful eyes of-- (the Krabby Patty moves as metal legs come out of it. It walks off) What's this? (Plankton is on the patty) It's Mr. Krabs' business rival, Plankton!
Plankton: Eat my microscopic dust, Krabs! Your secret formula is finally mine! (cut to SpongeBob with a face of shock)
Narrator: He's stealing the formula! What are you going to do, Mr. SquarePants? (SpongeBob screams and runs around the restaurant, knocking over tables and chairs. Mr. Krabs walks up to Plankton as he and the patty are going really slow)
Plankton: You'll never catch me, Krabs, not when I shift into maximum overdrive! (whips the Krabby Patty into going faster, but it's still very slow) Hi-ya! (mechanical legs whirring. Mr. Krabs grabs the patty) I knew I should have gotten the turbo. (SpongeBob is still screaming and knocking over tables and chairs) Hear me Krabs! You'll take this Krabby Patty from me when you pry it from my cold, dead-- (Mr. Krabs picks up Plankton, who is now squeaking. He flicks him back to the Chum Bucket)
Narrator: And so, another emergency is avoided, thanks to Mr. SquarePants. (cut to Squidward and Patrick) Let's check in on Squidward again. Psst, Squidward.
Squidward: Huh?
Narrator: Just remember: POOP.
Squidward: Patrick, if I could make a suggestion, why don't you just order a Krabby Patty?
Patrick: Great idea, Squidward! One Krabby Patty, please.
Squidward: (sighs) Will that be for here or to go? (Patrick becomes confused again. After a pause, Squidward begins to bang his head on the register several times)
Narrator: Hang in there, Squidward, it's all part of the job. (cut to a shot of the Krusty Krab training manual) Now that we've covered all the basics of your training, it's time for the moment you've been waiting for! (a blue screen appears with the Krabby Patty slowly coming closer to the screen. The narrator is making noises resembling dramatic music) Preparing the Krabby Patty! (cut to SpongeBob bowing down to a poster of a Krabby Patty) At the center of every great dynasty is the crown jewel which keeps it alive and thriving. (SpongeBob crawls to the poster) For the Krusty Krab, this is the Krabby Patty. (SpongeBob licks the patty that is on the poster) And now you, the humble employee off the street, the all-too-necessary human resource that keeps this business afloat, will learn the sacred and dark secrets of how to prepare, with your very own hands... (SpongeBob gasps) ...the sumptuous, lip-moistening, spine-tingling, heart-stopping pleasure center that is a Krabby Patty! Are you ready? (SpongeBob nods) Are you sure? (SpongeBob nods his head harder and his head tears in half) Okay! The secret formula is-- (episode ends before the Narrator is able to say what it is)
