Episode Transcript: Krabby Road

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House Fancy	Penny Foolish

Episode Article: Krabby Road

[edit] Characters

[edit] Dialogue

(episode begins in front of the Bikini Bottom Jail. There is a horrible thunder-storm going on. Inside, there are 2 police officers)

Police Officer #1: ...and this is the maximum level. Since this is your first day, I'll let you peek at our number one inmate. (begins to whisper. They walk into a huge room where the floor is just a thin line. A huge prison cell is in the middle of it) He's too dangerous to let him around the other inmates.

Police Officer #2: Why? What he'd do? Rob a bank?

Police Officer #1: Worse! He'd tried to steal the Krabby Patty formula.

Police Officer #2: Oh-kay.

Police Officer #1: So that's why we keep him behind these impenetrable 6-inch steel doors. (while he says that, he knocks on the door and the door opens) Of course, it helps to lock it. (they both run into the cell) He's gone! He's so small, he could be anywhere!

Police Officer #2: He could be right under our noses! (cut to Police Officer #1's moustache. The mustache then jumps off of the guy's face, running away) Umm... Frank, where's your mustache? (cut to the siren outside of the jail and we see spotlights everywhere to find him. The mustache runs through the halls and then under the door. Then it's revealed that it's Plankton under it)

Plankton: Ha-ha! Those fools will never find me now! (the mustache makes him have a "punk" like hair style. Bubble-wipe to the Chum Bucket, where Plankton is talking to his wife) Oh come on, baby. You know how long I've been in stir.

Karen: GET OUT OF HERE! (literally kicks Plankton out of the Chum Bucket) AND STAY OUT! YOU TWO TIME LOSER!

Plankton: After everything I've done for you.

Karen: BEAT IT, YOU JAIL BIRD, AND TAKE ALL OF YOUR JUNK, TOO! (kicks out a box of his stuff out of the Chum Bucket too. Plankton tries to struggle out under of the box)

Plankton: Well, that's just great. (notices a electric guitar) Hey! It's my old guitar. I used to play it, when I was in that band, as a little kid. Man, those were real good times. (a flashback starts. A younger Plankton is in a 2-year old bedroom. His electric guitar is shown with a drum set and a guitar being "played" by his stuffed animals and a cup of hot chocolate) Okay everyone! One, two... one two three! (tries to play it, but the rest of them are doing nothing, as they are all inanimate objects. The cup of cocoa falls over and Plankton looks annoyed. The flashback ends) You know, I don't think I've had any good times. (SpongeBob's voice can be heard. A few seconds later, he's seen on the street behind Plankton singing a song)

Music: I Wish I Was Grinding Up Krabby Patties

SpongeBob: Oh, I wish I was grinding up some Krabby Patties.
That's what I really love to do.
Take a couple Boo-Ooh-Ooh!
And a pinch of Awoogah!
A teaspoon of... (blows raspberry)

(gibberish)

Then I mix some of this and put it over there,
as I write this song.

Plankton: (listens to SpongeBob's song and then talks during the "Then I mix some of..." line) He's singing about the Krabby Patty. If I could just get him to explain that song, I'll have the Krabby Patty formula.

SpongeBob: Mix in some...

Plankton: Hi, SpongeBob.

SpongeBob: Nyah-Nyah-Nyah!

Plankton: That's a real nice song.

SpongeBob: Add a splash of wee...

Plankton: But could you explain those "wee" parts?

SpongeBob: (takes out giant knife)
And when I'm done, I chop up some

Plankton: Gahh! (runs from the knife being tossed on the ground)

SpongeBob: Love, ove, ov-ve...

(song ends)

Plankton: Are you out of your mind? Er, I mean, that was a delightful song you were singing.

SpongeBob: Thanks, Plankton. (waves at Plankton) Mr. Krabs makes me censor out all the patty ingredients from my lyrics.

Plankton: Oh, that's terrible. Krabs shouldn't stifle a true artist like you! Go ahead and sing your patty song uncensored!

SpongeBob: (gasps) I know what you're doing! (points at Plankton)

Plankton: What, me? I'm not trying to steal the patty formula!

SpongeBob: You want me to... join your band!

Plankton: What band? I don't have a band.

SpongeBob: Oh, but you can't fool me! Not when you got an awesome guitar like that! And only a true rocker would have hair as greasy and nasty as yours. It'll be so cool! We could write songs together!

Plankton: Songs? (smiles with a brilliant idea) Yes! And you can teach me your Krabby Patty songs!

SpongeBob: Yay! Come on, let's go get our band together! (Bubble-wipe to in front of Squidward's house. SpongeBob is holding Plankton's guitar and Plankton is on it. Patrick starts yelling in excitement, as does SpongeBob) Patrick, Patrick!

Patrick: SpongeBob, SpongeBob!

SpongeBob: Patrick, I've got big news!

Patrick: Me too! Me too!

SpongeBob: What's your news?

Patrick: (both calm down) I found out where boogers come from. (whispers into SpongeBob's "ears" indistinctly and tells him where they come from. SpongeBob is shocked, but then is a little grossed out)

SpongeBob: Ew, really?

Patrick: (nods in agreement) Uh-huh. What's your news?

SpongeBob: Plankton just asked me to join his Rock n' Roll band! (gets excited again; to Plankton) Can Patrick join our band?

Plankton: Sure, whatever.

SpongeBob: Hear that, Patrick. You're in.

Patrick: All right! I play a mean belly. (starts playing to the tune of "The William Tell Overture" with his own stomach. His belly sounds like a drum set. After it ends, he bows at Plankton and SpongeBob)

SpongeBob: Wow, Patrick, we're gonna be famous! (hugs Patrick while still holding onto the guitar and they hear Squidward laughing. Squidward walks towards them)

Squidward: Give me a break. You don't know anything about music! Too bad you're not a musical genius, like me.

SpongeBob: (gets an idea) Oh, Squidward... (trips Squidward over by holding his legs down on the ground)

Squidward: What the...?

SpongeBob: Would you help us by joining our band?

Squidward: (gets up) Well, I could help you, but I wouldn't soil my art playing Rock n' Roll; dressing all in black, wearing boots covered in spikes, (as he continues, he imagines that it's worth it and slowly changes his mind) playing enormous stadiums filled with screaming, adoring fans... (smiles to the idea) clapping, demanding encores... cheering me... (imitates cheering. Stops after a few seconds) Oh, uh, changed my mind. I'll join your band and help you bottom-feeders, BUT I gotta get in shape first! (heads back to his house)

SpongeBob: Isn't this great, Plankton? Squidward is gonna help us!

Plankton: Hmm? Uh yea, great. (Bubble-wipe to SpongeBob and Patrick in SpongeBob's garage. SpongeBob is wearing an 1980s Rock outfit, with an afro wig)

SpongeBob: You know, Patrick, being in a band gives you the liberty to dress with a little more... uh, how should I put this?

Patrick: Yeah?

SpongeBob: Well, with just a little more...

Patrick: (furious) Go ahead, say it, SpongeBob!

SpongeBob: You know, Pizzazz!

Patrick: (clears throat and continues) Perhaps you didn't notice... my new hairdo.

SpongeBob: (looks behind him and Patrick has a ponytail hairstyle) Whoa-ho-ho, I stand corrected!

Patrick: And unlike your nasty, little wig... (pulls off SpongeBob's wig) mine is real! (shows it by pulling it and it doesn't come off)

SpongeBob: Man, how'd you grow that so fast?

Patrick: Natural talent, watch this... (shows that he can make his hair come in and out of his skin and make it in any hairdo he wants)

SpongeBob: Whoo, yeah! (claps) Dig that fancy follicle work!

Patrick: Hey, check this one out. (Patrick does the trick again, but this time, he makes it an "old guy's" hairdo.)

SpongeBob: Oh man, Squidward's not gonna want to miss this. (calls Squidward)

Squidward: Hello?

SpongeBob: Squidward, aren't you coming to band practice?

Squidward: Are you kidding? I've got a lot of work to do before I'm famous! (he is about to exercise. Tries to bench-press, but breaks an unknown part and screams in pain. Hangs up, and a dial tone is heard)

SpongeBob: (laughs) OK then, we'll keep your seat warm. (snaps his fingers once) Patrick?

Patrick: I'm on it. (he's making a fire under his seat to literally keep it warm. Plankton comes in the garage. He's carrying a box)

Plankton: Greetings, fellow band-mates.

SpongeBob: Hey, Plankton, what's that?

Plankton: (puts the box down) T-shirts. (SpongeBob gasps)

Patrick: Ooh! Both: Oh, boy! Oh, boy! Oh, boy... (he and SpongeBob laugh)

SpongeBob: Ah, (begins to be confused) "Plankton and the... Patty Stealers"?

Plankton: (starts to sweat manically) Uh, if you guys don't like the name, uh...

SpongeBob: I... LOVE IT! It's kind of vague and mysterious.

Patrick: Can I get mine in pink? (Plankton growls. Bubble-wipe to later where they're wearing the shirt and Patrick laughs. His shirt color [pink] matches his skin perfectly) It looks like a tattoo!

SpongeBob: Hey, Plankton, can our first song go like this? (makes some loud music with his voice) And then turn into one of those songs that goes... (makes a high pitched screech)

Plankton: (he's annoyed both times by covering his ears, and then resumes to his normal attitude) Yes, perfect, now all we need are the lyrics. You know something personal. Maybe a secret you know, or a favorite recipe, hmm?

SpongeBob: Or... one about my new friend Plankton?

Plankton: Stop it! (growls after SpongeBob does not stop)

SpongeBob: (at the same time) Or the adventures of...

Plankton: (clips SpongeBob's lips with a tool) The best kind of lyrics are the ones that are deep and revealing. Something only you know? (coughs) Secret recipe.

Patrick: I once searched for my innermost secrets. All I found was this. (shows that he's holding his heart)

SpongeBob: (muffled) Is that what you mean, Plankton? (Plankton slaps his head with annoyance. Bubble-wipe to later that day. Plankton drags a machine into the garage. He grunts as he drags it in) What is that?

Plankton: It's my, uh, recording equipment. (laughs evilly)

SpongeBob: (becomes really excited) Oh, my gosh, what do I do?

Plankton: (scoots a chair next to SpongeBob) Just take a seat here, and I'll strap you in. (SpongeBob sits down. Straps SpongeBob's arms on the chair and puts a pair of headphones on him) Now just relax and let the equipment do its job. (pulls a lever on the machine. The machine starts to beep and make sucking noises. On the headphone wire, you can tell that it's sucking SpongeBob's brain) Now, let's see what's locked in his subconscious. (turns a dial on the machine. The machine makes static crackles searching for a radio "station." When Plankton finds a "station" on the radio, SpongeBob is the speaker. SpongeBob sings songs just like a radio)

Music: Time to Feed Him (the song is sung to the tune of "My Darlin', Clementine")

SpongeBob: Time to feed him
Time to feed him
Now it's Gary's feeding time.
Meow meow meow, meow meow meow.

Plankton: (while SpongeBob sings "Time to Feed Him") Nope. (changes the station. More static crackles are made by the machine until Plankton finds a new "station." SpongeBob sings a new song)

Music: Brush Brush Brush My Teeth (the song is sung to the tune of "Row Row Row Your Boat")

SpongeBob: Brush, Brush, Brush My Teeth,
Gently keep them clean.

Plankton: (interrupts again. This time, he ends the song. More static crackles are heard) The Krabby Patty Formula's gotta be in here somewhere. (the machine makes a dead beeping noise and feedback noises to Plankton. Smacks the machine and looks away from it) What's going-- (screams. Cut to reveal that Patrick is wearing the headphones. Patrick groans and the machine explodes. Starts crying) I'm a failure.

SpongeBob: Cheer up, Plankton. We've still got a whole week before our first gig at the Krusty Krab. (Plankton still cries.)

Plankton: At the Krusty Krab? (stops crying)

SpongeBob: Uh-huh, but Old Man Krabs doesn't want us bugging the customers. So, we have to go in after hours when nobody's there.

Plankton: (his spirits are lifted) When nobody's there? (makes a purring noise with drool coming out of his mouth at the thought of it. Bubble-wipe to later in the day where they start practicing. SpongeBob is playing Plankton's guitar, Patrick is doing his drums, and Plankton, not very excited, plays only one note on his mini-keyboard. Cut to the fronts of Squidward and SpongeBob's houses. Insdie his house, Squidward is still bench-pressing. He makes one more and he has huge muscles. He gasps at it)

Squidward: My perfect dream-body. (runs out of his house with a bass guitar and goes into SpongeBob's house to practice. They then make noises that sound like they're practicing. A time card appears)

French Narrator: One week later... (cut to later in the night where the four of them are heading towards the Krusty Krab. They're all wearing their Rock outfits. The sound of a tire screeching is heard in the distance. Then it is revealed to have been made by a police car)

Plankton: Oh, no! It's the cops! I can't let them see me!

SpongeBob: Why?

Plankton: Why? Uh, cops are autograph hounds. Yeah, they're always after me.

SpongeBob: Mm, that's tough. Don't worry, I'll hide you. (hides Plankton by sucking him into his nose. The police car stops in front of them)

Police Officer: Hey, what are you kids up to this late?

SpongeBob: We're on our way to our first gig. We're in a band.

Police Officer: A band, huh, well, that's, uh... Oh. (sees a green thing coming out of SpongeBob's nose) Uh, you've got a, uh...

SpongeBob: Got a, uh, what? (chuckles)

Police Officers: Uh... it's right... (points to a nostril on his face)

SpongeBob: Yes? (chuckles again. The cop motions to wipe it off. Plankton's feet are coming out)

Police Officer: Just keep your nose clean, kid. (police car leaves; faintly) Sure thing, officer. They're gone. SpongeBob blows his nose, and blows out Plankton)

SpongeBob: Plankton.

Plankton: You will never speak of this to anyone. (Bubble-wipe to the Krusty Krab) Come on, come on, hurry up.

SpongeBob: Don't worry, I just need to get the key out. (hums while opening the door, but unsuccessfully tries twice to get the key in the key hole. Plankton grabs the key)

Plankton: Give me that, you incompetent fool. (opens the door and drops the key on the ground. He also goes on the ground) Yes, the Krabby Patty Formula is mine! Uh, I mean, we'll have a great time! (goes inside and whispers to himself) Now, where does Krabs keep that formula? (SpongeBob goes inside)

SpongeBob: Whoo, let's rock! (Patrick and Squidward follow)

Patrick: Yeah!

Squidward: (at the same time) We're going to be stars! (Cut to inside the Krusty Krab. The ban is now inside and SpongeBob hooks up the speaker set. Plankton is nowhere to be seen)

SpongeBob: (starts out by acting excited like rock stars) All right! Squidward, are you ready?

Squidward: (makes a loud bass guitar strum) I'm ready!

SpongeBob: OK! Patrick, are you ready? (Patrick answers by laughing while beating his belly) Plankton, are you ready? (crickets are chirping in the background; Plankton is still missing) Plankton? (Plankton walks in. He's stealing the formula. Gasps) Plankton! (breaks the bottle by saying his name in the mic loudly. The formula is shown, but all of it is in gibberish)

Plankton: Uh... I'm ready?

SpongeBob: Wait a minute... Was this band just a front so that you could steal the Krabby Patty Secret Formula?

Plankton: What, no, I was in it for the music, man! (cut to outside the Krusty Krab. 12 police cars circle around the restaurant. Bubble-wipe to the Bikini Bottom Jail. Cut to Plankton, who is now in a caged box and wearing a prisoner jumpsuit. Sighs) Well, at least I'm back to my old cell.

Police Officer #2: Oh, no, you're not. We've got a special cell for you. (Frank moves a small painting out of the way, unlocks a safe, and both of them put Plankton in there)

Plankton: But I liked my old cell.

Police Officer #2: Then you're going to love this one. (they close the cell. Inside the cell, there is a small window on the other side. The window opens with SpongeBob's eye poking through)

SpongeBob: There's no time to waste, Plankton. (Plankton looks outside) We've only got 22 years left to practice before our next gig. (all three of them are there, about to practice) A one and a two... (they start practicing and Plankton screams)

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