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Episode Transcript: All That Glitters
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Episode Article: All that Glitters
Characters
Dialogue
(at the Krusty Krab)
Customer: One Monster Krabby Patty, please.
Squidward: Hmph, no one's ordered the monster patty in ages. SpongeBob, one Monster Krabby Patty.
SpongeBob: (gasps) Did you say a Monster Krabby Patty?
Squidward: Uhh, one Monster Krabby Patty.
Mr. Krabs: Monster Krabby Patty?
Customers: Monster Krabby Patty?
Customer: (in bathroom) Monster Krabby Patty?
(Hans' hands puts lots of Krabby Patty meat on the grill)
SpongeBob: Oh, dear Neptune.
Squidward: Oh, boy.
SpongeBob: (puts his spatula under the meat) We can do this. At the count of three, we flip. Ready? One, two, three. (Spat accidentally breaks in half) Spat? SpongeBob: Whoaaaaaaa!!!!!!!(SpongeBob shouts in front of everyone while showing his spatula that is broken. First in Squidward, then Mr. Krabs, then customer, police, mother with baby, and himself. Scene cuts to SpongeBob at a therapist)
Therapist: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Go on.
SpongeBob: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(SpongeBob and Patrick cries, and cuts to the ambulance)
Mr. Krabs: Well, we better get back to work.
SpongeBob: Work? How can I go back to work without...without spat?!
Mr. Krabs: Use another spatula.
SpongeBob: (close-up of his face, his eyes were hypnotized) What? There is only one spatula for me and this is Spat. Spat, wait up! Spat! (runs off to the hospital) I'm coming Spat! (scene cuts to hospital where SpongeBob is by a spatula's bed) Oh, Spat, we've been through so much together. (SpongeBob flashes back to all the good times he had with his spatula: made spat's head as friend sign, flipping patties, laying in the sun with spatula, scratching his back with gnspatula, playing ping pong with his spatula, reaching under the chair for the remote with spatula, and defeat pirates with spatula)
Replacement Doctor: There's no easy way to say this. SpongeBob, if I were you, I would give serious consideration to start thinking about... a replacement spatula. (SpongeBob turns around and starts to cry then turns back around) Go home. Get some rest. We'll try to do everything we can.
SpongeBob: Thank you, doctor.
Replacement Doctor: Oh, I'm not a doctor. I'm an actor whose searching for a role. Yes! Whoo-hoo! I am so totally gonna get this part! (gives a sigh of relief)
SpongeBob: Muach... (gives a kiss to the spatula and walks out of the hospital) Replacement spatula? How can anything ever replace...hey! Look at that! (notices a sign that says "LE Spatula INSIDE" and a picture of a high-tech spatula is on it) Ooh. Looks fancy. So shiny. All those lines so sleek. What am I talking about? I don't need this. (walks off then reappears inside the shop in front of the spatula) Maybe I do need this. (his eyes are shaped as a spatula)
Replacement Doctor: (in SpongeBob’s thought bubble) I would give serious consideration to... a replacement spatula. (SpongeBob reaches for the spatula but his hand is slapped away by one of the employees)
Employee: Uh-uh. No touchy touchy the le spatula. It's very very expensive.
SpongeBob: I'm sorry.
Employee: Of course, if you purchase this fine item, you may hold it.
SpongeBob: I've got some loose change in my pocket, will this cover it? (takes out a bunch of money)
Employee: Umm... (takes out a calculator and punches a bunch of numbers) ..no.
SpongeBob: (breaks a piggy bank with a hammer) How about now?
Employee: No.
SpongeBob: (breaks another piggy bank) Now?
Employee: No.
SpongeBob: (breaks another piggy bank) Now?
Employee: No.
SpongeBob: (breaks another piggy bank) Now?
Employee: No.
SpongeBob: (breaks another piggy bank) Now?
Employee: No.
SpongeBob: (lifts up Gary's shell where there is a big diamond under it) Now?
Employee: No.
SpongeBob: (sells his house) That's everything I have. Now can I buy Le Spatula?
Employee: Everything, huh? (looks at his clothes) Nice outfit. (scene cuts to SpongeBob walking down the street nude where everyone is looking at him in shock) Evening, sir. Hey, Granny, what's shakin'? (walks into the Krusty Krab) Ooh, breezy today.
Squidward: Nice outfit, SpongeBob! (laughs)
SpongeBob: Thanks, Squidward. It was worth every penny.
Mr. Krabs: What's all the lollygagging about?
Squidward: (still laughing) Mr. Krabs, get a load of SpongeBob.
Mr. Krabs: This better be good. (walks into the kitchen)
SpongeBob: soon everyone will know of your beauty.
Mr. Krabs: Alright, what's going on in...ooh...don't you have any shame, boy?
SpongeBob: All my shame went into here, Mr. Krabs. Le Spatula! (shows Le Spatula)
Mr. Krabs: Le Spatula. What in blazes is that?
SpongeBob: Oh, just the answer to our little production dilemma. (Le Spatula glows)
Mr. Krabs: Well, what can it do?
Squidward: Can it make me famous?
SpongeBob: Anything you want and more. (pushes a button and the spatula spins)
Mr. Krabs: Ooh, that sounds excitin'. Let me have a go at it.
SpongeBob: Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Krabs, no can do.
Mr. Krabs: What? Are you going against your commanding officer?
SpongeBob: No, it's not that. It's just that this is a highly developed piece of engineering that takes quality time to master.
Mr. Krabs: With that fancy machinery, I expect you to make Krabby Patties twice as fast.
SpongeBob: Oh, I don't think that'll be a problem, Mr. Krabs. In fact... (pushes a button and a bunch of spatulas appear)
Le Spatula: Le Spatula 3000 at your service.
Mr. Krabs: Huh, impressive. Well, let's see that thing impress me even more by bringing in more customers and more money in me pocket. (laughs and walks away with Squidward)
SpongeBob: Oh, you won't believe what Le Spatula is capable of. Ready to show 'em buddy? (all the spatulas go into hiding) Oh, it's okay. No need to be shy. It's always tough the first day on the job. (scene cuts to outside the kitchen)
Customer #3: Uhh, can I get one Krabby Patty, please?
Squidward: SpongeBob, I need one Krabby Patty.
SpongeBob: One Krabby Patty, coming up lickity split. (tries to use Le Spatula but every time he tries to flip the patty, the spatula goes another direction) Spat, is there something wrong, pal?
Le Spatula: I would not dare touch such slop as how do you say Krabby Patty. I am designed for the up most interesting cuisine. No less!
SpongeBob: But, but, I thought we were friends.
Le Spatula: Friends with you? Ha! We are not even in the same social class. (jumps out of SpongeBob’s arms and extends it legs to land on the floor) Have a nice life of mediocrity, fry cook. (runs out laughing)
SpongeBob: Le Spatula, wait. I gave up everything for you. We had something. (runs into the fist of Le Spatula)
Le Spatula: What's this for something? Au revoir, peasants! Have fun laboring in your greasy spoon! Bweee! (gives raspberry and runs out)
Mr. Krabs: What happened?
SpongeBob: Le Spatula is gone, Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: Well, how are you gonna make Krabby Patties WITHOUT A SPATULA?!
SpongeBob: I had a spatula once. A real spatula. One that stood by me through thick and thin, through grease and gristle, and I betrayed his loyalty, like a fool.
Mr. Krabs: I always did like your old spatular. It got the job done every time.
SpongeBob: You're right, Mr. Krabs. The true measure of a good spatula is by his actions. Not by some fancy chrome and buttons. I gotta find my old spatula.
Mr. Krabs: Go to him. Go now, boy. Go before I lose all me customers. (starts to whine. scene cuts to the spatulas hospital bed)
SpongeBob: Spatula? It can't be true. It's too late!! (cries)
Replacement Doctor: SpongeBob, I-I hate to tell you this.
SpongeBob: I know. He's moved on to the bigger kitchen drawer in the sky. He's gone.
Replacement Doctor: Actually, it's not that. I didn't get the acting part.
SpongeBob: Oh, I'm so sorry. (whines more)
Replacement Doctor: Oh, by the way, that's not your spatula. Your buddy's all patched up in the infirmary. (scene pans over to the Infirmary where Spat is in a wheelchair)
SpongeBob: (gasps) Spatula!! (runs into the infirmary) Oh, buddy! Oh, I'm so glad you're better! (Spat turns around and ignores SpongeBob) Spatula, what's wrong? (spatula shakes its head) But I didn't mean to betray you. Mr. Krabs needed a replacement. Krabby Patties don't flip themselves, you know. It was a moment of weakness. (whines again) I'm sorry-y-y-y! Oh, what have I done? What have I done? (whines and rolls. As he is doing this, another SpongeBob comes up into the scene)
SpongeBob #2: All that glitters is not gold. (as SpongeBob is still throwing a fit and whining from hospital to Krusty Krab, spatula wheels itself away)
(SpongeBob whines all the way to the Krusty Krab kitchen) I'll never find another spatula like him, again. (notices a spatula flipping burgers by itself) Spatula? You're back! (SpongeBob jumps for spatula in slow motion) Oh, spatula, now that we're together again, nothing will ever separate us.
Squidward: One Monster Krabby Patty. (a real set of hands puts a bunch of meat on the grill)
SpongeBob: Ok, buddy, we can do this. Ready? One, two, three. (SpongeBob arms come off) Doh! (laughs)
