Episode Transcript: Atlantis SquarePantis

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Le Big Switch	Picture Day

Episode Article: Atlantis SquarePantis

Characters

Dialogue

Patchy: Let's go! (Patchy honks)

Patchy: Hey, kids. Rush hour traffic here in Encino is really bad.

Patchy: A little music should calm my jangled nerve. Here's how my dash-in-stereo works. (Patchy breaks his radio)

Patchy: Oh! Me ultra-rare-back-on-track destroyed!

Patchy: And I'm gonna miss the new SpongeBob cartoon if this traffic doesn't move soon! (Patchy cries)

Patchy: (Patchy's cell phone rings) Who's calling?

Patchy: Yes, patchy, here, start talking.

Potty: Hey, patchy, the new spongebob cartoon is about to start.

Potty: Where are you, brawk?

Patchy: Stuck on the 101. Be a dear and record it for me, will you?

Potty: Oh, I threw out the machine in the garbage, brawk!

Patchy: You what?!?

Potty: Oh, calm down, beauty.

Patchy: Potty, you know how important this cartoon is to me!

Patchy: (Someone honks at patchy) Do you mind? I'm trying to talk to my parrot!

Patchy: Sorry, potty. Just some landlubber. (dial tone rings)

Patchy: Potty? Potty? Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello?

Patchy: Guah. Dropped again. (Patchy closes his phone) Ahh!

Patchy: Curse this traffic! Oooooh! (Patchy grunts)

Patchy: Ahh, home at last. What the? (His eyes break the sunglasses)

Patchy: Encino, it's gone...Noooooooooooooooo! (Patchy cries)

Patchy: You know, kids, this reminds patchy of a story.

Patchy: Another lost city. Why don't you go check it out?

Patchy: Oh no, Encino.

SpongeBob and Patrick are blowing bubbles.

Patrick: A beautiful Specimen, SpongeBob

SpongeBob: Hurry Patrick, Hurry! (Patrick takes a photo of the bubble)

SpongeBob: Ready for the old scrapbook?

Patrick: More like the scrap-heap. They never come out right! Oh well, let's try again.

SpongeBob: Ok, ready Patrick, this ones gonna be my masterpiece.

Patrick: I'm ready. (SpongeBob blows a bubble in his image.)

SpongeBob Bubble: Hi, Patrick!

Patrick: (Misses a photo of the bubble) Oh I missed it again! Well, this darn camera isn't fast enough.

SpongeBob: Stop! Its not the poor cameras fault you cant get a photo

Patrick: It's not?

SpongeBob: No, it's the very nature of the fragile bubble.

Patrick: It IS?

Spongebob: Yes it is my friend, allow me to demonstrate.

Song

SpongeBob:The sun, must set: at the end of every day. The curtain, must fall: at the end of every play. And every little bubble ever blown must some-day, POP!

Patrick:Like presents, on Christmas day: it doesn't seem to stay

Patrick:Or a cheese souffle, it doesn't last all day

SpongeBob: I will try: again. To blow a bubble, that will last all day.

Patrick: All day

[SpongeBob begins to blow a giant bubble, it captures them both and floats away]

Patrick: Um, SpongeBob

SpongeBob: Not now, Patrick, this bubble's gonna break all records!

Patrick: I hope it doesn't break until we get a little closer to the ground

SpongeBob: What? [Gasps] What have I done!? (The two start screaming as the bubble drifts into a cave and is popped by a jagged point on a half of a broken amulet)

Patrick: What happened?

SpongeBob: (pointing to broken amulet) That's what happened

Patrick: Whoa, what is it? It looks really old.

SpongeBob; Antis, what do think that means, Patrick?

Patrick: Antis, Antis...Squarepantis! Probably belonged to your ancient ancestors. (Picks up the half of the amulet) SpongeBob Squarepantis, you must wear the ancient crest of your ancestors for it is your birth right! (shoves into SpongeBob's face)

SpongeBob: (Falling) My birth right! Ow ooh, Ow ooh ow! Let's take it to the bikini bottom museum, they'll know what it is!

Mr. Krabs: (Whistles) Oo...uh...beautiful day for standing outside a museum doin' nothin'.

Security Guard: Whatever you say.

Mr Krabs: (Mr Krabs pretends to be administration) Hello there. Welcome to the museum! That'll be three dollars

Old Lady: But I thought it was free Tuesday?

Mr Krabs: No no no. Today's Monday, otherwise I wouldn't be wearing this 'I hate Mondays' shirt.

Old Lady: Good point

Mr. Krabs: Enjoy the artifacts! (Mutters under breath:) Don't stand in one place too long, people might mistake you for one.

Mr. Krabs: (Hears SpongeBob laughing) SpongeBob! Hew, that was a close one. (Old lady points him out to a police officer then Mr. Krabs runs inside)

Squidward: Ah, Neptune's ascension. The only surviving painting from the great lost city of Atlantis. This is just what the doctor ordered, Squiddy. Spending your day studying the Atlantean masters. And best of all, no Sponge... (SpongeBob and Patrick run in excitedly, knocking Squidward over.)

Squidward: AAAAAHHHHH! Oh, would you to watch were you're (Gasps) What is that? What are you doing with the amulet of Atlantis? (Gasps) Were you going to steal it!?

SpongeBob: No Squidward, we'd never....[Cut off by Squidward

Squidward: This is a new low, even for YOU TWO. Lucky for you, I was here today. Stealing artifacts could land you in the stony loneso...ahh! ahh! ahh! ome! You boobs found the missing half to the Atlantean amulet!

SpongeBob: Uh, whats an Atlantean omelet?

Squidward: AMULET, NOT OMELET!!!! It's the key to untold riches!

[Mr Krabs shoves Spongebob and Patrcik over violently and faces Squidward] Mr Krabs: Did somebody say untold riches!?

Squidward: Yes Eugene. The streetes are lined with gold, and the street lamps are made with diamonds.

Mr Krabs: DIAMOND LIGHT BULBS!!! I wonder what they make the money out of.

Squidward: For reasons unknown, this great city dissappeared one day,but no ruins were ver found. All the inventions that you take for granted, were given to us by the Atlanteans. Their advances in art wealth and technology were eons ahead of their time!

SpongeBob: Why is this bubble painted on the muirel?

Squidward: That's just the oldest living bubble

SpongeBob: The oldest living bubble, alive! Behold Patrick-the oldest living bubble!

Patrick: This is the most beautiful bubble I've ever seen!

Squidward: That's just a painting you quarter-wit! Ha, quarter-wit, that's less than half. The real bubble lives in Atlantis, some darn old bubble hales in comparison to the art

Mr Krabs: Money

(Sandy very suddenly arrives out of nowhere) Sandy: And science, don't forget science. Whats all the hubba boys?

Squidward: These two chowder heads found the missing half to the amulet of Atlantis.

Sandy: THE AMULET OF ATLANTIS!!!! Legend says, that when the two halves are joined, the path to Atlantis is opened! Go on Squidward!

Mr Krabs: Hurry up Squidward, that money aint gettin' any younger [Squidward connects the two halves and a bright light activates]

Squidward: (Happily)

Sandy: (In Disbelief)

Patrick: Aaaaaaaaahhhhhh!

SpongeBob: Hoo hoo yeah, hoo hoo hoo!

[A van drops from the ceiling]

Squidward: The magical path to Atlantis is a Van?

Mr Krabs: Nice hot rod flames!

Patrick: [Coin spins and attaches itself to the van] What's it doing?

Sandy: Well, holly-wally ding-dang-doo. Would ya' look at that!? Take a gander, y'all!

Squidward: Fabulous decor!

Mr Krabs: Quite a vessel, but who's manning it?

Robot: Greetings. Welcome aboard the seaship Atlantis. This is a nonstop trip, so please take a seat, relax, and we'll be on our way.

Squidward: Ah, what I wouldn't give for a foot-rub.

Robot: Attention passengers, regretfully we lack the fuel needed for forward motion.

Unison: What!?

Mr Krabs: Is this some kind of joke? Wheres the gas tank?

Robot: We Atlanteans find the use of fossil fuels to be counter-intuitive, and have developed an alternative source we call song.

Mr. Krabs: Huh?

Robot: The engine of this vessel is fueled by song, the more you sing of you desires, the closer to Atlantis you will get. Let us commence singing.

Squidward: Does that make any sense?

SpongeBob: No, but I'm game for singing any day! Sing, sing a song, a song of wanting to move along. To a land where all our dre-e. Whoops, sorry. To a land where all our dreeeeeams, can finally come true. A bubble I long for, that so eludes me, but soon enough I will seeeeeeeeeeeeeee............

Mr Krabs: Well that's just splendid boy! A land where we live money! More than you can spend. With fives and tens and fifties and I'll want to be your friend.

Plankton: Ha, ha ha. Such a valiant desire-hehehe. The lost weapons of Atlantis-the most advanced of all time. Soon as this dopey song is done I plan to make them miiiiine!

Sandy: Did you all hear something! I can hardly believe that there's a lost city where having smarts is more important-than being pretty! With all their advanced science, and my painfully mind!

Sandy #2: [Clone] I bet we can figure out how to make wondrous things, like melons with edible rinds!

Squidward: As a connoisseur of fine art, Im proud to say! I've always seen things in my own special way! 'Art'-lantis with its glorious aesthetics, I'll cop their style in a while- my art will be prophetic!

Patrick: I'm Patrick, I'm Patrick, Patrick-Patrick-Patrick! And I like um, uuuuh, I don't know what I like.

Robot: Warning, you have run out of song fuel.

Unison: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Squidward: Hey look, it's Atlantis.

SpongeBob: Pretty!

Unison: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Bus crashes)

Squidward: You dimwits haven't even been here two minutes and you've already messed up someone's topiary garden.

Mr. Krabs: Go on, SpongeBob. Ring the bell.

SpongeBob: Ring for the king, huh?

Lord Royal Highness: Welcome to Atlantis. I've been expecting you. (Falls down long staircase) Allow me to introduce myself. I am the Lord Royal Highness, but my friends call me LRH.

SpongeBob: My friends call me SpongeBob. I'm here to see the oldest bubble.

LRH: Yes, of course.

Mr. Krabs: What a ripoff! This street ain't gold!

LRH: Oh, if it's gold you want, you'll find it in our vault.

Mr. Krabs: I'm Eugene. I like money.

LRH: I can see that. Pleasure to meet you. Come, I'll give you the grand tour of our Atlantean fortress. I'm so glad you're all here.

Plankton: They're gone. Now to get to those weapons... Trapped! Ok, what do I have to work with here? What's this? Owners manual!? Looks like I found my escape route! (Laughs diabolically) Owe!

LRH: For centuries, we Atlanteans spent, nay, wasted our talents and energy building the most sophisticated weaponry to defend ourselves from invaders. But we abandoned the idea of warfare long ago and now all these weapons gather dust behind this locked door as an example of what must be done if one wishes to live in harmony with all creatures of this, or any, world.

Mr. Krabs: (sighs) Eh, harmony shmarmony. When do we get to see the treasure?!

LRH: But of course, follow me.

Mr. Krabs: Comin' through, boys!

Plankton: These Atlanteans leave a room full of the most advanced weaponry unguarded? No wonder they got lost. (Squeezes under door) Oh, my! There will be no one to stop me this time! (Laughs diabolically)

Patchy: Well, bad news, kids. Encino's still lost.

Patchy: Oh! But, at least I got me radio fixed! (Patchy snaps his fingers while listening to it, then, it explodes)

Patchy: Well, enjoy the rest of the show.

(THE REST OF THIS TRANSCRIPT IS WRITTEN BY ME, SPONGY PATTY)

LRH: It is both an honor and a pleasure to welcome you to Atlantis. We haven't had visitors in quite some time. You see being a lost city has its certain disadvantages. But I digress. Now if you'll just follow me, I'll show you our grandest achievements. (Mr. Krabs grabs Squidward)

Mr Krabs: Squidward! You told me the streets were paved with gold! That street light better be a 600 karot diamond or else! (Grabs it but falls)

LRH: Are you okay?

Mr. Krabs: I feel odd. Me pockets! They be smelling loot! (He smells money, and his pockets bark and direct him to the Treasure Room, the pockets eat the money)

LRH: Those pockets of yours really have a nose for treasure.

Mr. Krabs: These are me houndsnoop pants.

LRH: What you see here is a glimps of Atlantian history. Long ago we abbandoned our obession with with welth to focus on the pursuit of knowledge. So help yourself to as much as your pockets can carry.

Mr. Krabs: As much as me pockets can carry?

Mr. Krabs (Singing): Oh, if I'd only known when I woke up today, I'd have stopped at me tailors along the way, and had ten more pockets put on me pants, 'cause I think I hear a money avalanche! Look at all this cash, hey, look at all this money! I hope me heart can take it!

Doctor (Not Singing): Clear! (Shocks Krabs)

Mr. Krabs (Singing): I'm alright, sonny! industrial accidents can make quite a mess. Unless you fall into a money press. Oh, make me into money, Mr. wonderful machine, I always knew that me true color was green! Oh, ever since I was a little kid, I dreamed of such a place, yes I did! With mountains of money, and rivers of cash. And a pool of coins to make a splash! Oh, I'll open up a Krusty Krab with patties made of money. They'd be delicious, and expensive, and taste like golden honey! Money and gold and treasure untold! And all of it for me!

SONG OVER

LRH: Mr. Krabs! We're off to see the bubble! Would you care to join us?

Mr. Krabs: Are you kiddin'? I just got here! (Dives into the money)

LRH: Very well, then. Off we go.

Patrick: (Under breath) Spongebob, when are we gonna see the bubble?

SpongeBob: Patrick! Shh!

LRH: Don't gally, lads. You don't want to be left behind, do you?

Spongebob: (Salute) No, sir! Come on along, Patrick!

Sandy: You know, LRH, I was born with a healthy scientific curiosity and I was wondering if I could get a peek at some of your scientific achievements?

LRH: Of course, Miss Cheeks. Here we are, the Combination of all of our technology. I give you the Atlantian hall, of science. (Opens the door, a lot of futuristic gadgets are seen)

Sandy: Hoppin' acorns! Look at all this hi-tech gear! (Looks at one invention) What does this gizmo do?

LRH: It's a bio-mass conversion device. It can turn any house-hold object (puts a comb on the platform, it goes in) this comb, for example. And turn it into say, ice cream! (Presses a button and ice cream pops out) Would anyone like to try?

Spongebob and Patrick: Oh! Oh! Me! Me!

LRH: Go ahead! (Hands them spoons, they eat)

Spongebob: Mmm! Comb flavor!

Sandy: What else can it turn things into?

LRH: Actually it can only turn things into ice cream. We haven't worked that bug out, yet. But I can show you the most amazing/fantasic created by Atlantian hands. (Shows them a big machine) Behold. This grand machine allows the user to be broken down into nano-stature. Enabling them to battle germs hand-to-hand.

Sandy: How's it work?

LRH: Please take a seat and I'll explain. (They do so, and metal gears go on their heads) Now, here's how it works--

SpongeBob: Hey cool! (He pushes the center button and disappears into thin air)

Patrick: Where's SpongeBob gone?

LRH: Right now his molocules are being broken into data. Which is assembled into this computer, and stored on these tapes. Then reassembled on a much smalled scale--

Spongebob: Someone help me!

LRH: And finally passed through this tube and into this tank. It contains ever element known to-- (looks closer) Oh, dear heavens! It looks like our scientists were working on a very agressive case of the sniffles. He could be in trouble!

Patrick: Don't worry, SpongeBob! I'm coming to help you! (Pushes the center button and disappears like SpongeBob)

Squidward: (Desprate) Okay, I've seen enough. Let me outta this thing! (Pushes the center button rapidly hoping it will get the gear off his head, he disappears and goes into an 8-bit game) What's going on here, I-- oh no! Ahh! (He sees a nose)

SpongeBob: Squidward, don't make any sudden movements! (The nose sneezes out five germs and Squidward falls over, jumps rapidly, and runs)

Squidward: Help aah! (Spongebob and Patrick follow, the germs chase them, and Sandy beams in)

All: HELP, SANDY!!!

Sandy: Sounds like thems critters is in trouble! (The nose puts Spongebob, Patrick and Squidward in it, and the germs guard Sandy from getting to them)

Sandy: Hold on, fellas! I'll be there soon, as soon as I send these critters to their doom! (A title screen shows like a Nintendo game)

MISSION START

THE GERM WARRIROR

PLAYER 4 START

(c) NICKELDEON 1991

Sandy (Singing): Look out, germs. The end is here, Your days are numbered, 'cause Sandy's here! I'll get these germs, and 'em pay, with some good old fashioned karate. (Hi-yah!) If I borrow some elements from the periodic table I can mix up a brew that is sure to disable any virus, bug, or sniffle that steps into my path. And make them feel my micro-scopic wrath!!!!! Hi-yah! (Hits the nose with a submarine and defeats it, the gang flies out, they all cheer)

          GAME
          OVER

LRH: Well, shall we continue on with the rest of the tour?

Sandy: Y'all head on without me. (Hits the center button, going in again)

LRH: Well then, good luck. Have fun. We'll see you at dinner. Your friend Sandy certainly is an exciteable one.

SpongeBob: Quite.

Squidward: Somehow I knew I'd get stuck with you yahoo's the longest.

(In the heater vent behind Squidward is Plankton, who chuckles as he found the weapons)

Plankton (Singing): Oh, what a beautiful sight, weapons as far as the eye can see. But which one will be right for me? How do I pick? Which one will do the trick? Which is best to guarentee eternal rest? So many weapons, how do I choose? Look at this one, what a beatiful fuse. And with this one I couldn't lose. That one will surely give them the bluuuuuues! And this one here matches my shoes! Come on, Plankton just pick one and forget about your shoes! Eeny, meeny, minie moe, I pick you, now let's go! (Chooses a huge tank, cut to LRH giving the tour)

Squidward: This stuff is wonderful and all but when are we going to see some real Atlantian culture?

LRH: Gentlemen? What is art?

SpongeBob: Oh, oh! I know, I know! (Squidward violently shoves SpongeBob so he can fit in frame)

Squidward: I thought you'd never ask! Art is the arrangement of elements that effects a sense of beauty.

LRH: Not even close! (Squidward looks shocked) Art is what happens when you learn to dream. (Hands SpongeBob a blue paint brush) Go ahead. Dream a little. (He hits the wall and it magically turns into Spongebob's door)

SpongeBob: It looks like my front door!

LRH: Behold! The hall of arts! (He opens the door, Squidward's mouth opens, they step in)

Squidward: Incredible! (He cries) The creativity! The artistry! (He walks by a painting) This painting is so realistic. It looks like you could step straight into it.

LRH: And you can! (He grabs Squidward and throws him in the painting)

SpongeBob: Whoa!

Squidward: This place is amazing! (Steps into other paintings)

Squidward (Singing): Isn't this great, isn't this neat, I'm a living work of art from my head to my feet! From the very first drawings on walls and caves, art has been what the heart and soul craves!

Patchy: This is the end of patchy. No water, no food, and still no Encino.

Patchy: And here come the vultures the pick me bones! (Potty flies up)

Patchy: Shiver me timbers! It's potty! I wonder what parrot tastes like...

Patchy: Come back here!

Patchy: Uh-oh. Here come the hallucinations.

SpongeBob: (Spongebob laughs) Patchy, it's me. SpongeBob SquarePants. (Patchy is excited, and then he cries)

SpongeBob: Don't lose hope. Everything will be all right when you get into Encino.

Patchy: But, Encino is gone.

SpongeBob: It's not gone, if you believe.

Patchy: Believe, believe. (Falls asleep)

Patchy: (gasps) Welcome to Encino! It's back!

Patchy: (Hugs it) SpongeBob was right! All I had to do was believe. (laughs)

(Song)

You got to believe. It was out of sight. You got to believe. I'm back in Encino. You got to believe. Everything's all right. The sky above, and the ground below. Bring me back into Encino. It was lost, some time ago, I'm just glad to be back home. You got to believe. I'm back in Encino. You got to believe. Everything's all right. You got to believe. I'm back in Eencino. You got to believe. Everything's all right. Baby: Ohh! Ohh! You got to believe. I'm back in Encino. You got to believe. Everything's all right. You got to believe. I'm back in Encino. You got to...

Patchy: (Potty brawks, and then, pokes Patchy) Ow! Ow!

Patchy: It was all a hallucination. Encino's still gone!

(Patchy cries)

Patchy: Oooooo, a sandwich. Potty, you're a lifesaver.

Patchy: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Patchy: Oh, potty, you know I don't like mayo!

Patchy: Here you want some? Go on. Take it.

Patchy: You know, I don't like the mayonnaise, you know.

Patchy: You know, when it gets above 130, 135, it gets kind of rody, you know.

Patchy: Well, pretty good story, huh, kids?

Patchy: I found Encino.

Patchy: But, it's all tiny. Somebody must've...