Episode Transcript: Not Normal

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Episode Article: Not Normal

Characters

Dialogue

(night turns into morning where birds are chirping and SpongeBob laughs)

Squidward: Ooh... What the... (groans) ...now?

SpongeBob: La, la, la... (Squidward walks outside to SpongeBob's house) La-la-la, la, la-la-la...

Squidward: Stop! (SpongeBob stops) What could you possibly be trying to do this time?

SpongeBob: I'm not trying to do anything. I'm just having a decent morning.

Squidward: By running around and screaming like a banshee?

SpongeBob: Oh, Squidward, a banshee screams like this: (loudly screams like an eagle. Squidward and SpongeBob's houses shake)

Squidward: There are two kinds of people. There are people that are normal. (cut to live-action footage of an aquarium of fish) Then there's you. (pokes one of SpongeBob's holes)

SpongeBob: Really?

Squidward: Yes, really! Maybe you should start being a little more NORMAL!!! (walks away and growls) D'oh...

SpongeBob: I'm not normal? (Squidward walks back into his house and crawls back into bed) Squidward? (sitting on Squidward) How does one become normal?

Squidward: Well, how about you start by... (cut to a shot of outside Squidward's house where Squidward kicks SpongeBob through the roof) ...getting away from me, you little creature!

SpongeBob: What's wrong with me? I need to understand normal! (bubble-wipe to SpongeBob with a videocassette) "How to be Normal". Hmm, this video should help. (a fish appears on his television)

Fish on TV: Are you tired of being called a freak? Do people throw you out of their homes? Well, do they?

SpongeBob: Yes, yes, and yes.

Fish on TV: Then join me as I take you on a "Journey into Normality".

SpongeBob: (tranfixed) Normaaaality.

Fish on TV: (narrating) The life of a normal person is rather simple. (door opens with a fish smiling and dressed professionally for work) Here is your typical average Joe on his way to work. See how he is dressed. (hair is combed neatly) Even his hair is boring. (cut to a close up on the dimples) Notice his features, nice and smooth without a crater or freckle to be seen.

SpongeBob: (rubs his face) Craters and freckles?

Fish on TV: (narrating) In his office space, Mr. Normal, at least that's what it says on his name tag, works at a steady and monotonous pace just as all the other normals do. Take note of how they communicate with each other.

Mr. Normal: Hi, how are you?

Fish on TV: (narrating) At the end of the day, Mr. Normal packs his things and goes home to merrily start the cycle again in the morning.

SpongeBob: Yeah... (bubble-wipe to the next day at the Krusty Krab)

Customer: I want one Krabby Patty.

Squidward: Oh, great. SpongeBob, I need one Krabby Patty. (bells rings as the food tray is presented to Squidward) What, no annoying blurbs today? (looks through the empty kitchen window) Hmm... strangely quiet. (walks into the kitchen to get a cup of water but as he is getting the drink, he notices the office space behind him) SpongeBob?

SpongeBob: (typing on the computer) Hi, how are you?

Squidward: What's the meaning of this?

SpongeBob: I took your advice. From now on, I'm normal. (shows name tag that reads "Hello I'm Normal")

Squidward: Normal, huh?

SpongeBob: Yup.

Squidward: Oh, really?

SpongeBob: Yup.

Squidward: Whatever. I know you're just waiting to say something stupid.

SpongeBob: Wonderful weather we're having.

Squidward: Uh, yes, it is.

SpongeBob: Okay, see you 'round. (goes back to typing)

Squidward: Yeah, I'll uh... see you. (door opens)

Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, what are you doing sitting around? We need Krabby Patties out there.

SpongeBob: Yes, sir. I'll do it normally.

Mr. Krabs: Hey? (computer beeping. SpongeBob types up an order for 1 Krabby Patty and the machine comes out with one) Wow, that's all it takes these days, huh? Can you do more? (walks to the back of the machine as it shoots hundreds of Krabby Patties at him) Oh, my. It's like printing money. (cut to Squidward riding his bike)

Squidward: I wonder what got into SpongeBob. And what the heck is that? (a normal house is sitting by Squidward's house) Whose house is this?

SpongeBob: (walks up to his house) Hi, how are you?

Squidward: (slaps himself. Cut to next day at the Krusty Krab where Squidward walks into the kitchen and greets SpongeBob) Hi, SpongeBob.

SpongeBob: Hi, how are you?

Squidward: Good, just coming by to get a drink.

SpongeBob: Wonderful weather we're having.

Squidward: It sure is.

SpongeBob: Okay, see you 'round.

Squidward: Yeah... (chuckles) See ya. (chuckles) Oh, my. (slurps) I could get used to this. (music throughout the montage of events happening, such as customers ordering and Squidward telling SpongeBob. SpongeBob delivers food onto tray and makes the patties out of the computer. Mr. Krabs watches on and jumps around with money in his hand.)

French Narrator: Three weeks later...

Squidward: There you are, sir. (watch beeps) Oh, yes it's time again. I've been meaning to say this but I've come to appreciate your demeanor lately.

SpongeBob: You know it's a funny thing, Squidward. I smoothed out the edges of my personality and the rest just followed suit. Now I am utterly normal. (cut to a customer biting into his flat Krabby Patty but all he is eating is paper. He takes it out of his mouth)

Customer #2: Ugh, that ain't right. I will never spend money here again.

Mr. Krabs: Never?

Customer #3: Come on, guys, these patties ain't worth the paper they're printed on.

Mr. Krabs: Wait, where're you going? (paper Krabby Patty lands on his nose) SpongeBob! What are you doing back here? Do you expect the customers to eat this? And now, thanks to you, they're leaving in boat loads. (customers are rowing out of the restaurant in boats)

SpongeBob: Maybe this thing is out of ink.

Mr. Krabs: (sighs) No, boy, you're missing the point. You can't make Krabby Patties with ink and paper. You gotta put your heart in it, boy. Now get back to making them patties the right way and stop acting so dull.

SpongeBob: What you call dull I call normal.

Mr. Krabs: Well, till you decide to start making them patties the way only you can I want you out of my place.

SpongeBob: (walks out of the Krusty Krab) I guess the decision to be normal was more life changing than I thought. (walks up to Patrick who is reading a paper at the bus stop) Hi, how are you?

Patrick: What happened to you?

SpongeBob: Oh, I got normal.

Patrick: Whatever that means. Hey, SpongeBob, what do you say we charge into Jellyfish Fields nets a-blaze? (takes two jellyfish nets out of his pockets)

SpongeBob: Let's do something normal like window shopping.

Patrick: Let's do this... (groans as he makes his head come out of the side of his stomach) Yeah-ha. Hey, your turn.

SpongeBob: I think I'll pass. But I do need to defragment my hard drive. Would you like to help?

Patrick: Hey, listen. When you decide to do something fun you know where to find me.

SpongeBob: Okay, see you 'round. (rings Squidward's door bell) Hi, how are you?

Squidward: I never thought I'd hear myself say this but please come in, SpongeBob. (Squidward pours tea into SpongeBob's cup)

SpongeBob: Thank you. Tell me, what are you doing cooped up in here when the weather outside is so normal.

Squidward: Well, today is dusting day. The day I dust my 483 self-portraits.

SpongeBob: Wow, that's something you don't see in the average house.

Squidward: You know, SpongeBob, it's okay to be a little different. (slurps his tea)

SpongeBob: And you know what else is abnormal? Your nose -- it's all bulbous and flappy. Your eyes are a little odd, too. Looks like your whole face could use some work. Yeah, there we go. (SpongeBob turned Squidward's face into a real live Squidward face) See? Looking normal already.

Squidward: What the...?

SpongeBob: One more thing, Squidward. You don't wear pants. (Squidward kicks him out of his house)

Squidward: And stay out of my home! (slams the door then looks in the mirror and pokes his nose a little)

SpongeBob: Oh, what happened? I lost my job and my best friend and now I'm too normal for Squidward. Maybe I have taken this normal thing too far. No problem, SpongeBob. You made yourself normal. Now all you have to do is reweird yourself. All it'll take is a mental adjustment and some tight clenching. Now focus... (groans) and clench. (groans so much his eyes pop out) Oh, well, if I'm going to get weird I'm going to need to see a professional. (cut to Patrick's house)

Patrick: (tongue is twisted around) Look at my tongue. (tongue un-twists itself)

SpongeBob: That's very nice, Patrick, but I need you to retrain me. I want to be abnormal again.

Patrick: Huh, I don't think you have what it takes.

SpongeBob: Please, Patrick. If anyone can teach me the arcane art of the weird, it's you. Teach me how to be me, again.

Patrick: It won't be easy but I'll do it.

SpongeBob: Oh, thank you, Patrick!

Patrick: But first, I'll need a garden hose and a flatbed truck and I'll need you to remove your trousers. (cut to people laughing at SpongeBob who is only in his underwear)

SpongeBob: Patrick, I'm feeling very self-conscious right now.

Patrick: (spraying water) Try to concentrate on your first lesson in weird. (throws SpongeBob onto the streak of water) See you on the other side, buddy! (SpongeBob grunts as both Patrick and SpongeBob are sliding on a water trail that lead to a ramp on a flatbed truck that launches them into the Bikini Bottom zoo)

Boy: Mommy, mommy... what are those things?

Mother: Those are undesirables, honey. We only talk to normal people. (mother and two children walk off)

Patrick: SpongeBob, the weird therapy is working. Your craters are coming back. We just have to keep pushing the boundaries. We've gotta get stranger. (cut to Jellyfish Fields where SpongeBob is riding on Patrick's back like a horse and catches a jellyfish in the net. Another crater comes back. Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick licking the sand and as SpongeBob is licking, his nose grows back to normal size. Cut to Patrick and SpongeBob standing on their hands) Talk backwards.

SpongeBob: Tap erus uoy era? (SpongeBob's legs and arms are back to normal. Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick eating secret Krabby sauce with their feet. SpongeBob's teeth appear. But then something is happening to SpongeBob)

Patrick: What's happening? The final transformation. (SpongeBob transforms back into his square state, but then becomes nlormal once again)

SpongeBob: Huh?

Patrick: What happened?

SpongeBob: I don't know. I guess I became permanently normal.

Patrick: No...!

SpongeBob: (crying) I don't wanna be normal. (someone knocks on the rock's "door")

Patrick: Go away.

SpongeBob: Normal is not worth it.

Patrick: We're in mourning.

Squidward: (Patrick's rock begins to open) It's me, Squidward. I'm looking for SpongeBob. (Squidward is in a normal state) Hi, how are you? (SpongeBob is so scared and shocked at how Squidward looks that he screams himself back into his weird self)

Patrick: SpongeBob, you're back to your square shape.

SpongeBob: Wow, I guess Squidward's normal looks scared me back to my original form. Thanks, buddy, you saved my life.

Squidward: Wonderful weather we're having, hm?

SpongeBob: It sure is, buddy. It sure is. (SpongeBob and Patrick laugh)

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