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Episode Transcript: Grooming Gary
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Episode Article: Grooming Gary
Characters
Dialogue
(SpongeBob's fog horn honks)
SpongeBob: Bikini Bottom pet show today! Good thing I put those notes there. Otherwise I could've forgotten. And I wouldn't wanna do that because the Bikini Bottom pet show is where you gotta go to see the best pets in town. Not than any other pet can take a chance against my buddy Gary. He's the bestest pet in the whole world. Love you, gar-gar. (Watch rings) Oh! The show starts in an hour! Hey, gar, coming to... Gary? Ow! Gary? Gary? Gary? Gary?
Perch Perkins: Looks like another beautiful day here in Bikini Bottom. It... Huh?
SpongeBob: Gary? Ohhhh! Gary? Oh, hi, Squidward. Whoooooooaaaaa! Ohhhhhhhh! Gary? Gary? Gary? Gary, there you are. What are you doing here? Well, today is the day you show everyone else you're the best pet in the whole world. Now, for a quick checklist. Let's see, eye reflects. Check. Slime discussidy. (SpongeBob drags Gary's slime around his house, then, Squidward's house) Hi, Squidward. (Continues) Ready! Hi again, Squidward.
Squidward: Hello.
SpongeBob: Check. First, but, not least. Now, for the carrige check. (squeezes his neck and the alarm rings inside Gary as he angrily hisses and yowls like a cat) Gary! Bad snail! Whoa, ok, maybe we should skip that one. Let's see... Yep, that's about does it. (Gary tries to run away from home) A second, buddy. I'll carry your shell. Ahhhhh! (Dogs bark and chase SpongeBob)
Fish #1: Stand up straight. Poisture is everything in appearance.
Fish #2: Roll over.
Fish #3: Your newly trimmed hairstyles highlight your regality.
SpongeBob: Huh, people sure seem to treat their pets differently here.
Fish #4: That's a good boy, Foofie. Look at your luxurious mane. Every self-respecting snail has one.
SpongeBob: Luxurious mane?
Foofie: Meow.
Fish #4: Oh, yes. How could I forget? Accessories? Your diamond stubbing leash?
SpongeBob: I always use an old rope. I guess that's not good enough.
Fish #4: Of course there's the cherry on the beauty cake. The glossy painted shell. And last, but, not least, well maintained oral hygiene. Just look at your pearly whites.
SpongeBob: Umm, Gary?
Gary: Meeeoooowwwwwwwww. (Gary opens his mouth and shows his rotten teeth)
Fish #4: Well, it's best if we run along. Foofs. Goodbye for now.
SpongeBob: Pedicure? I don't know how how much has he been training?
Gary: Meow.
SpongeBob: No, don't be so hard on me, Gary. I've been an horrible parent. No longer, from this moment on forth, I bow to Gary the most empty proposion quality, to look by the standards of grooming, and forward by: That guy.
Patrick: What's up?
SpongeBob: No, not you.
Patrick: OK.
SpongeBob: Enough dilly-dallying! We've gotta get down to business!
Gary: Meow.
SpongeBob: Hold still, Gary. Uhhhhhh! Come on, buddy! (Gary angrily hisses and meows, making angry cat noises) Gary! Shame on you! You shouldn't be yowling and hissing! Uhh! Uhh! There. Oh, you look like an cuddly present. (laughs)
Gary: Meow.
SpongeBob: And for the least isons. Glow in the dark shell. Hey, where are you going? Gary, wait. We gotta go back to the pet show!
Gary: Meow.
SpongeBob: Because you gotta show those other pets you're as fancy as they are. (Gary's tongue spits) Oh, come on, Gary. Don't be this way. This thing is for you, not me.
Gary: Meow.
SpongeBob: That's why I like to hear because I can bring this out. Your very own studded collar. With two rows of diamonds. Here, try it on. Now, let's get back out there and knock them out of their shells.
Gary: Meow.
Patrick: Hey, SpongeBob, what are you doing?
SpongeBob: Patrick, I'm so glad you happened to show up. (Whispers) (Gary tries to run away, then, SpongeBob grabs him from his place and put him in the bathtub) Gary, stop it. I'm only doing this because I love you. Gary, look, it's him.
Fish #4: Come, now, foof. Put your tail up, up, up.
SpongeBob: Hello. Sorry to bother you. Just wanna to get in my opinion snail, Gary.
Fish #4: (laughs) My boy, don't seem to get him do you. There's only one way to have a pet's beauty. It is winning the pet contest. But I wouldn't bon. So, my boy Foofie has won in the past 5 years! (laughs) Oh, well, enough for visiting folks. we need our umbrella, Foof.
SpongeBob: This is it, Gary. It's our time to shine. Wow, Patrick. There sure is a lot of pet loving today.
Patrick: Yeah. You get carried, you don't have a chance.
Store Owner: (brings in a velvet rope) Excuse me, sir, but all non-pet owners must remain behind this rope.
Patrick: Now, what am I gonna do? I'm all alone behind this rope!
SpongeBob: Patrick, I'm right here.
Patrick: Do you know understand, SpongeBob! You never understand what is like to be alone? I'm right behind this rope! (cries)
SpongeBob: Don't worry, Gary. He'll be back to watch us win first place. Let's scoop out the competition.
Fish #5: (puts a wig on his worm) There you go, Sqiuggles. Here's your new hairdo.
Fish #6: (puts glasses on his snail) Here you go, Mosteeze. Oh, you look so cute.
Mosteeze: Meeeeoooowww!
Fish #6: (gasps) Poor Mosteeze, how does it shade in your little eyes? And I also got an extra smaller pair. Uhhhhhhhh! (growling)
SpongeBob: Well, we're gonna win, eh, Gary? Silly boy, you're not supposed to eat the leash.
Gary: Meow!
SpongeBob: Come on, boy.
Fish #7: Okay, let's try this cable. (Pet #1 sighs)
SpongeBob: Boy. These pets are gusse today. You need a top hat or something yet. Oh, thanks for reminding me. Your collar was too light. (Gary coughs) Now, let's go get that top hat, Gary. Uhhhhhhhhhh! There you go.
Gary: Meow.
Judge: All right, let's see. Uh-huh. Esil stocking. Oh, good hen jackson. Ah, Foofie. Excellent bow stretch. Eyelid capilarries. Foofie is as good looking as any other person, Charles.
Fish #4: Oh, why, thank you, sir.
Judge: OK, let's take a look and see, shall we? Ah, yes, good space on good things. Nice digestive chamber. Or with degreed description.
SpongeBob: It's in the bag.
Judge: OK, now, if you could just check the under carriage...
Gary: Meoooooowwwwwww! (everyone gasps)
SpongeBob: Gary, no! Gary, you spit him out right now! I'm sorry. He usually only bites me. (deleted scene) Right, Gary?
Gary: Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow!
Pets: Meow, meow, meow, meow.
Gary: Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow!
Pets: Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow!
Gary: Meow, meow! Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh! Meooooooooooowwwwwwwwwww!!
Pets: Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow!
Fish #8: Muffsies, you look angry.
Pets: Meow, meow, meow, meow!
Fish #9: What's going on?
Clam: Squawk! Squawk! Squawk!
Pets: Meesssssss! Meow! Meow! Meow!
Fish #4: What a hideous display. At least I know you'd never behave like all these heathens, right Foofie?
Foofie: Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr...
Fish #4: Foofie?
Foofie: Ohhhhhhhhhhhh!! Sssssssssssss!!
Fish #4: Foofie!
Pets: Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow!
Gary: Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow! (The sign is fired and named Pet Riot)
Mosteeze: Grrrrohhhhhhhhhhhh! Meow!
Fish #6: No, Mosteeze! OH NO! (Mosteeze puts glasses on his eyes) Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!
Pet #3: Ohhhgrrrrrrr...
Fish #5: No, wait! WAIT! (Sqiuggles puts wig on him) Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!
Pet #4: Ohhhhhhhhhhh!!
Clam: Squawk! Squawk! (fish gets lassoed by pearl necklace)
Fish #11: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!
Pet #5: Uhh! (bites a fish's leg)
Fish #12: Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!
Pets: Grrrrrrohhhhhhhhhhhhh!! Ruff, ruff!
Fish #4: Foofie, what have you done?
Foofie: Grrrrrrrrrrrr...
Fish #4: What's this about? Does anyone speak snail?
SpongeBob: I speak a little bit sir! I know what they're saying. They're saying: "Owners, owners, owners, owners, owners, owners, owners, owners.. please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please don't be this way. They're saying they don't want this type of pampering. They want to be treated as companions, not dress-up dolls. They don't want scratchy outfits. They want to be scratched. They are protesting the indignity of wigs and jewel encrusted collars, and they want to be free from superficial and degrading pageants, like these. (everyone applauds)
Pets: Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.
SpongeBob: Well, at least you were all along, Gary.
Gary: Meow.
SpongeBob: Well, it won't happen again.
Judge: Well, I think we have to agree that the trophy goes to: SpongeBob and his wonderful pet!
SpongeBob: Did you hear that, Gary? We were just standing up against justice. Maybe these super patients aren't good after all.
Judge: What are you talking about? The snail didn't win, I was referring to your other pet. He's so adorable.
Patrick: Woof, woof! I'm a dog! (sticks his tongue out)
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