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Episode Transcript: Fools in April
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Episode Article: Fools in April
Characters
Dialogue
SpongeBob: Wake up Gary!
Gary: Meow.
SpongeBob: We're moving today!
Gary: Meow.
SpongeBob: That's right! We're moving away. We're going to become peasants! (puts on a hat and takes away Gary's bowl) No more food. (gives Gary a plate with salted clams on it) Sorry, Gary. Peasants only eat mashed-up clamshells.
Gary: Meow!! (cries)
SpongeBob: April Fools! (puts his bowl back where it was) There ya go, pal!
Gary: Meow.
SpongeBob: Whew, I'm thirsty! (takes out a BIG glass of lemonade out of the fridge) This is an extreme thirst! (puts the lemonade into a lot of small glasses with umbrellas) Whew, I'm exhausted. I sure can't wait to drink all of these drinks! April Fools! (holds up a mirror) To me! (laughs on his way to work and Squidward sees him)
Squidward: What's he so happy about? (walks by the calendar and notices its April Fools Day. He panics) April 1st? April Fools Day is SpongeBob’s favorite holiday! (puts a heating pad on his head and dials for the Krusty Krab) Mr. Krabs, I can't come in today. I caught something terrible.
Mr. Krabs: What'd you catch?
Squidward: I caught sight of the calendar.
Mr. Krabs: Oh, hold on Squidward, there's someone here to see you. He says he's from the Barnacle Bay Art Museum and he wants to honor you as artist of the month. (Squidward runs to the Krusty Krab with an artist uniform on)
Squidward: I have arrived. (SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs laugh) What's so funny? Where's the art dealer? (SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs laugh more)
Mr. Krabs: You just missed him.
SpongeBob: Yeah, but he told us to tell you...
Squidward: Tell me what? (SpongeBob whispers in Squidward's ear)
SpongeBob: He told me to tell you...April Fools. (Squidward lays his hat on Mr. Krabs desk)
Squidward: Well, it's been nice working here. (he walks off) Thanks for everything, Mr. Krabs.
SpongeBob: Squidward, wait!
Squidward: Just send my last check to the P.O. box, Mr. Krabs!
SpongeBob: Wait, Squidward! (grabs Squidward’s legs) It was just a joke! No more jokes on you today, I promise!
Squidward: You do?
SpongeBob: Sure, there are lots of other willing participants. Right, Mr. Krabs? (Krabs sits on a whoopee cushion and it does its thing. Sponge laughs)
Squidward: Well, as long as it's not me. (Next, we see SpongeBob carrying a tray of burger patties)
Old Lady: Excuse me, could you tell me where the forks are?
SpongeBob: Sure! They're right here, lady! (lady picks a utensil up)
Old Lady: But this is a spoon.
SpongeBob: April Fools! (lady laughs then Squidward stares at SpongeBob and he runs away. Next, we see SpongeBob behind the register) Welcome to the Krusty Krab, how may I help you?
Customer: Yeah, give me two large fries and a jumbo Krabby Patty.
SpongeBob: Hey, what's that? (turns around and then SpongeBob turns around and has a smiley face on his back)
Customer: I didn't see anything. Hey, where'd that other guy go? (SpongeBob turns around)
SpongeBob: April Fools! I'm right here!
Customer: (laughs) Hey, that was pretty good. (Squidward notices SpongeBob behind the register)
Squidward: What are you doing behind the counter? (SpongeBob is wiping the floor)
Tom: Excuse me, can I get a couple of ice cubes in here, please?
SpongeBob: Sure! A couple of ice cubes coming up! (fills the cup with ice) Here you go.
Tom: Thanks. (each time he takes a sip of his drink, SpongeBob giggles)
SpongeBob: April Fools! (grabs SpongeBob by the collar)
Tom: What did you do to my drink?
SpongeBob: I...(giggles) I...(giggles)
Tom: You what?!
SpongeBob: You asked for a couple of ice cubes in your drink, and I only put in one! (laughs)
Tom: I guess that is pretty funny. (laughs as he walks off.)
SpongeBob: (laughs so hard his tongue pops off) Hey, your shoe's untied. (tongue looks down) April Fools! You're not wearing shoes! (Squidward tries to mute the sound with tissues but he can still hear it) April Fools! (Squidward drops a plate)
Squidward: That does it! SpongeBob and his stupid pranks! I'm going to show him what a real prank is all about! (squirts some mustard inside a rope circle then shows SpongeBob the mess)
SpongeBob: Oh boy! Something for me to clean up! (SpongeBob is cleaning it and Squidward is standing next to a rope which he is about to cut)
Squidward: April Fools! (cuts the rope which sends SpongeBob into a bag of flour. Squidward is laughing through all of this. Then SpongeBob flees into a wall and then into a customers carcass. Then SpongeBob smashes into the ceiling) I'll catch you, SpongeBob! (he giggles to himself. Sponge falls into the green goop in the garbage can) Oops. (Squid dumps Sponge, who is now the shape of the can, out) April Fools, you little sausage! (he laughs. Sponge starts to tear and cries hysterically and runs out) SpongeBob! I was just kidding! C'mon, c'mon. You all know I was just kidding… right?
Kevin: Aww, man, poor kid.
Woman: That guy has definitely got some issues to work out. (Everyone leaves)
Tom: April Fools, jerk.
Squidward: Wait, don't go!
Off-Screen Voice: Hey, you stink!
Squidward: Wait, wait, it was a joke! (looks around at the mess he has made of SpongeBob and gets angry with himself) Why is it whenever I'm having fun, it's wrong? I didn't mean to make him cry. I guess this means I'd better tell SpongeBob I'm sor-eaach. (makes silly face) Huh? I guess this means I'd better apolo- (throat goes hay-wire) gii! This is gonna be tougher than I thought. (Squidward knocks on SpongeBob’s door) SpongeBob? Uh, SpongeBob, come out! I've got something to tell you! SpongeBob? (notices a Krusty Krab hat and goes over there to talk to the mysterious man who we have not seen yet) Uhh, I was thinking about today and uh… and it just seems that I may owe you some sort of… This isn't something I normally do so, listen carefully SpongeBob, because I am about to tell you that I am… (noties its Patrick with the hat on) Patrick? What are you doing here?
'Patrick': Digging.
Squidward: Why are you wearing that hat?
'Patrick': Hmm, I don't know.
Squidward: Where's SpongeBob?
'Patrick': He's in the house. He's depressed.
Squidward: With what?
'Patrick': I don't know, but it must have been pretty good to make him cry like that. (Squidward goes to knock on SpongeBob’s door)
Squidward: SpongeBob, let me in there! (tries to turn the handle but SpongeBob’s arm comes from under the door and pulls it inside. Squidward grabs his clarinet) SpongeBob, you'd better let me in there! I don't want to have to use this! (plays clarinet horribly. SpongeBob opens door)
SpongeBob: What do you want?
Squidward: SpongeBob, I just wanted to say that I'm sorr-yyyy. (sticks out tongue while talking)
SpongeBob: What?
Squidward: I'm trying to say I'm (makes donkey noises)
SpongeBob: What?
Squidward: I'm just trying to say that I'm...(head explodes) There's gotta be an easier way to do this… (Squidward writes a note, puts it in a bottle and rolls it to SpongeBob where he picks it up) Well, aren't you going to open it?
SpongeBob: I can't, I don't have a bottle opener. (Squidward hands SpongeBob a can and Squidward drives to the other side of the road)
Squidward: SpongeBob, I'm... (whispers into the can. Puts the can up to his ear but hears some sort of noise. Patrick is flossing his teeth. Squidward throws the binoculars down on the ground) SpongeBob, all I am trying to say is that I am... (waves tentacles in the air and bubbles form. Puts a big bubble on his head and then talks) ...sorry. (pops the bubble) There you go.
SpongeBob: But I couldn't...(Squidward slams door in his face)
Squidward: I don't care! I said it! My conscience is clear! (walks away. Then an image of Patrick appears in the air)
'Patrick': It must have been pretty good to make him cry like that. (Squid continues walking and runs into a ghost image on a guy at the restaurant)
Tom: April Fools, jerk. (runs again but this time his mother appears)
Squid’s Mom: (deep voice) You stink!
Squidward: Mother? (runs back to SpongeBob’s house to apologize) All right, all right! I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I admit it, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to hurt you, in fact, I like you! I like living next door, I like your foghorn alarm in the morning and your high-pitched giggling at night! I also like Gary, Patrick, Sandy, Mr. Krabs, and all the other people I'm forced to be in contact with! And, and, and... (SpongeBob opens the door slightly)
SpongeBob: Squidward! Is all that true?
Squidward: Yes, SpongeBob. Yes, it's all true.
SpongeBob: Even the part about the lima beans and the car chase?
Squidward: What the...? Yes, whatever! But you have to promise not to tell anybody.
SpongeBob: I promise.
Squidward: Really? (Sponge opens the door all the way, revealing the citizens of Bikini Bottom inside)
All: April Fools!
Squidward: (twitches eye)April Fools! You're right, April Fools! I just fooled you all! (laughs hysterically while going back into his house)
SpongeBob: What would we do without Squidward?
