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Episode Transcript: That's No Lady
| Line 15: | Line 15: | ||
*[[Patrick]] | *[[Patrick]] | ||
*[[Squidward]] | *[[Squidward]] | ||
| − | *[[Mr. Krabs]] | + | *[[Mr.. Krabs]] |
*[[Larry the Lobster]] | *[[Larry the Lobster]] | ||
| Line 26: | Line 26: | ||
Fish #1: Yes, you. Get outta town! (Patrick runs and screams. Fish shrugs his shoulders as another fish walks up) Get outta | Fish #1: Yes, you. Get outta town! (Patrick runs and screams. Fish shrugs his shoulders as another fish walks up) Get outta | ||
town! And take a vacation to beautiful Sunny Seashores Resort. (another fish walks up) Here ya go, sir. (hands him a flyer. | town! And take a vacation to beautiful Sunny Seashores Resort. (another fish walks up) Here ya go, sir. (hands him a flyer. | ||
| − | Fish reads it. Scene cuts to Parick running up to | + | Fish reads it. Scene cuts to Parick running up to SpongeBob's house and opening the door)<br> |
| − | Patrick: I gotta get out of town! ( | + | Patrick: I gotta get out of town! (SpongeBob hands Patrick a glass of lemonade) Oh, thanks SpongeBob.<br> |
| − | + | SpongeBob: Sure, Patrick, ya...<br> | |
Patrick: (screams) I gotta get going. He told me to.<br> | Patrick: (screams) I gotta get going. He told me to.<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: Who did?<br> | |
Patrick: Uhh, well, uhh...hmmm, I'm not sure but he has a briefcase.<br> | Patrick: Uhh, well, uhh...hmmm, I'm not sure but he has a briefcase.<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: Ahh, a briefcase?! He might be a paid assassin. (both start to cry) But, Patrick, you can't go. Not like this. | |
Who will go with me to the next jellyfisherman's expo? (shows a picture of the two at one of the expos)<br> | Who will go with me to the next jellyfisherman's expo? (shows a picture of the two at one of the expos)<br> | ||
Patrick: It'll have to be one of your other chums 'cause my mind is set. (both cry more)<br> | Patrick: It'll have to be one of your other chums 'cause my mind is set. (both cry more)<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: Unset, please unset it. (Patrick walks over to SpongeBob's kitchen counter and sets a briefcase on it to fill up | |
with clothes)<br> | with clothes)<br> | ||
Patrick: I guess I'll pack up my stuff and get ready to go. My clothes.<br> | Patrick: I guess I'll pack up my stuff and get ready to go. My clothes.<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: Umm, Patrick, those are my clothes.<br> | |
Patrick: (packs up a bunch of peanut butter) My peanut butter!<br> | Patrick: (packs up a bunch of peanut butter) My peanut butter!<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: That's my peanut butter.<br> | |
Patrick: And my pickles. (stuffs a bunch of pickles into the bag and closes it)<br> | Patrick: And my pickles. (stuffs a bunch of pickles into the bag and closes it)<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: I can't believe you're leaving, Patrick. (cries) With all my pickles!<br> | |
Patrick: It's the end of me. Being here.<br> | Patrick: It's the end of me. Being here.<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: Wait! Stop! What about all our plans? 8:00am - Wake up Patrick, 9:00am - Eat Kelpo with Patrick, 10:00am - Brush | |
teeth with Patrick, 1:00pm - Stare at Patrick. Who's gonna do all that with me? | teeth with Patrick, 1:00pm - Stare at Patrick. Who's gonna do all that with me? | ||
Patrick: I'm sorry, there's no stopping the unstoppable. Patrick Star will live no more, forever...in Bikini Bottom.<br> | Patrick: I'm sorry, there's no stopping the unstoppable. Patrick Star will live no more, forever...in Bikini Bottom.<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: But...what if you weren't Patrick Star?<br> | |
Patrick: Oh, no. I'm not Patrick Star?<br> | Patrick: Oh, no. I'm not Patrick Star?<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: You are Patrick Star but you won't be for long.<br> | |
| − | Patrick: Huh? (scene cuts to | + | Patrick: Huh? (scene cuts to SpongeBob putting on a visor over Patrick's eyes) There ya go, Patrick. No one will know it's |
you. (Patrick look in a mirror, screams, then runs out of the pineapple through the wall, leaving a star-shaped hole) | you. (Patrick look in a mirror, screams, then runs out of the pineapple through the wall, leaving a star-shaped hole) | ||
Patrick, you ok? | Patrick, you ok? | ||
| Line 77: | Line 77: | ||
Larry: Hey guys! Yo, Patrick, cool shades.<br> | Larry: Hey guys! Yo, Patrick, cool shades.<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: Well, Pat, that disguise didn't work. We're gonna have to try harder.<br> | |
| − | Patrick: Yeah, well, thanks ol' | + | Patrick: Yeah, well, thanks ol' SpongeBob for your help. It was a noble effort but alass, all in vain, it's no use. I must |
| − | leave. (holds out his arms and runs passed | + | leave. (holds out his arms and runs passed SpongeBob to pet a rock) Goodbye rock. Goodbye coral. (hugs the coral but it |
sticks to him) Ow! Goodbye seaweed. (walks off)<br> | sticks to him) Ow! Goodbye seaweed. (walks off)<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: Too bad we couldn't come up with a better costume. (looks at the seaweed) Hmmm...<br> | |
| − | Patrick: Goodbye sky. ( | + | Patrick: Goodbye sky. (SpongeBob walks up to Patrick and puts some seaweed on his head)<br> |
| − | + | SpongeBob: That's it. With the seaweed on your head, you could be a...<br> | |
Patrick: Oh, I know, I know! I could be a seaweed monsterman. And live happily forever after in Bikini Bottom.<br> | Patrick: Oh, I know, I know! I could be a seaweed monsterman. And live happily forever after in Bikini Bottom.<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: Patrick, there already is a seaweed monsterman. (scroll over to a monster with seaweed all over its body)<br> | |
Seaweed Monsterman: Hey!<br> | Seaweed Monsterman: Hey!<br> | ||
| Line 97: | Line 97: | ||
Patrick: Doh.<br> | Patrick: Doh.<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: It's ok, Patrick. So you can't be a monster. But that vegetation on your head gives me an idea of what you can | |
be. (scene cuts to inside a store) You're all set. Come on out, Patrick. (Patrick steps forward, looking like a girl. | be. (scene cuts to inside a store) You're all set. Come on out, Patrick. (Patrick steps forward, looking like a girl. | ||
| − | Wearing a blonde wig and green top and bottom. Scene cuts to | + | Wearing a blonde wig and green top and bottom. Scene cuts to SpongeBob and Patrick walking down the street)<br> |
| − | Fish #2: Hi, | + | Fish #2: Hi, SpongeBob. And hello, lady. (tips his hat to Patrick)<br> |
| − | + | SpongeBob: The disguise is working, Patrick. I mean, Patricia. (both giggle)<br> | |
| − | Larry: | + | Larry: SpongeBob, you never told me you had a girlfriend.<br> |
Patrick: Oh, I'm not his girlfriend. I'm Pat.<br> | Patrick: Oh, I'm not his girlfriend. I'm Pat.<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: Pat-ricia. Pat-ricia. Patricia. (laughs)<br> | |
Larry: Bro, your girlfriend is not ugly.<br> | Larry: Bro, your girlfriend is not ugly.<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: Actually, Larry, she's not my girlfriend, she's just a...<br> | |
Larry: It's cool, buddy. You don't have to explain your girlfriend to me.<br> | Larry: It's cool, buddy. You don't have to explain your girlfriend to me.<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: But she's not my girlfriend.<br> | |
Larry: I don't know why you're standing here talking to me when you could be talking to your girlfriend.<br> | Larry: I don't know why you're standing here talking to me when you could be talking to your girlfriend.<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: C'mon, Patricia. (grabs her hand and walks off)<br> | |
Patricia: Bye.<br> | Patricia: Bye.<br> | ||
| Line 127: | Line 127: | ||
Larry: Congratulations on the new girlfriend, dude.<br> | Larry: Congratulations on the new girlfriend, dude.<br> | ||
| − | Mr Krabs: (runs up) | + | Mr. Krabs: (runs up) SpongeBob! This is not the time for Sunday Stroll. It's time for work.<br> |
| − | + | SpongeBob: But, Mr. Krabs, the Krusty Krab doesn't open for another 2 hours.<br> | |
| − | Mr Krabs: (hands | + | Mr. Krabs: (hands SpongeBob a spatula) There be no such thing as opening too early, me boy. Excuse us, miss. Huh? (notices |
Patricia as his eyes explode from seeing the beauty)<br> | Patricia as his eyes explode from seeing the beauty)<br> | ||
| − | Mr Krabs: | + | Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, who's your friend?<br> |
| − | + | SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, this is Patricia.<br> | |
| − | Mr Krabs: (eyes inflate back to normal) Patricia. The most beautiful sound I've ever seen. | + | Mr. Krabs: (eyes inflate back to normal) Patricia. The most beautiful sound I've ever seen. SpongeBob, do we need any more |
help down at the Krusty Krab?<br> | help down at the Krusty Krab?<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: No.<br> | |
| − | Mr Krabs: We do? Great, she can start right away. (scene cuts to the Krusty Krab where Squidward is reading the newspaper | + | Mr. Krabs: We do? Great, she can start right away. (scene cuts to the Krusty Krab where Squidward is reading the newspaper |
until Patricia walks in)<br> | until Patricia walks in)<br> | ||
Squidward: And who are you my rifeness beauty?<br> | Squidward: And who are you my rifeness beauty?<br> | ||
| − | Mr Krabs: That's Patricia, our newest Krusty Krab employee.<br> | + | Mr. Krabs: That's Patricia, our newest Krusty Krab employee.<br> |
Squidward: Well, she sure is stunning. (Patricia is picking her nose)<br> | Squidward: Well, she sure is stunning. (Patricia is picking her nose)<br> | ||
| − | Mr Krabs: Just keep your eyes on the customers, Mr Squidward. (walks off. Patricia is cleaning tables until Squidward walks | + | Mr. Krabs: Just keep your eyes on the customers, Mr. Squidward. (walks off. Patricia is cleaning tables until Squidward walks |
up to her)<br> | up to her)<br> | ||
| Line 155: | Line 155: | ||
(drawing on the piece of paper is Squidward. A scream is heard off-screen in horror of the picture)<br> | (drawing on the piece of paper is Squidward. A scream is heard off-screen in horror of the picture)<br> | ||
| − | Patricia: Uhh, thank you, Squidward. (Mr Krabs comes out of the kitchen with two trays of food, one in each hand)<br> | + | Patricia: Uhh, thank you, Squidward. (Mr. Krabs comes out of the kitchen with two trays of food, one in each hand)<br> |
| − | Mr Krabs: Order up, Miss Patricia.<br> | + | Mr. Krabs: Order up, Miss Patricia.<br> |
Patricia: Excuse me, Squidward. (eats the drawing, burps then walks off)<br> | Patricia: Excuse me, Squidward. (eats the drawing, burps then walks off)<br> | ||
| − | Mr Krabs: (hands Patricia both trays) This order goes to table 7 and remember your manners. (Patricia walks up to a table | + | Mr. Krabs: (hands Patricia both trays) This order goes to table 7 and remember your manners. (Patricia walks up to a table |
with the number seven on it)<br> | with the number seven on it)<br> | ||
Patricia: Forty...thirty...<br> | Patricia: Forty...thirty...<br> | ||
| − | Mr Krabs: That's a 7, Patricia.<br> | + | Mr. Krabs: That's a 7, Patricia.<br> |
| − | Patricia: Mr Krabs, you ordered two | + | Patricia: Mr. Krabs, you ordered two Krusty meals?<br> |
| − | Mr Krabs:(gasps) Did I order two meals? Oh, silly me. I can't possibly eat two | + | Mr. Krabs:(gasps) Did I order two meals? Oh, silly me. I can't possibly eat two Krusty meals, myself. (spreads a table |
cloth, with a radio, on the table) I guess you'll just have to help me finish all this food.<br> | cloth, with a radio, on the table) I guess you'll just have to help me finish all this food.<br> | ||
| − | Patricia: Ok. (sits down. Mr Krabs pushes a button and some music plays)<br> | + | Patricia: Ok. (sits down. Mr. Krabs pushes a button and some music plays)<br> |
| − | Mr Krabs: Patricia, we may have only known each other for a short time, now, but I feel like a special connection has been | + | Mr. Krabs: Patricia, we may have only known each other for a short time, now, but I feel like a special connection has been |
made. (Patricia inhales the table cloth and all the food. Then she burps out the radio)<br> | made. (Patricia inhales the table cloth and all the food. Then she burps out the radio)<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: Quite an appetite but she's all woman. (scene cuts to Patricia walking in the kitchen with two orders. Squidward plays a soothing song on his clarinet)<br> | |
Squidward: Eh? Ya know, Patricia, they don't call me the 'Sizzlelips Squid' for nothing. So, are you free this Saturday | Squidward: Eh? Ya know, Patricia, they don't call me the 'Sizzlelips Squid' for nothing. So, are you free this Saturday | ||
night?<br> | night?<br> | ||
| − | Patricia: No, that's the night | + | Patricia: No, that's the night SpongeBob and I are having a staring contest.<br> |
| − | Squidward: | + | Squidward: SpongeBob?!<br> |
| − | Mr Krabs: (using a megaphone) Get back to work, you gold-bricking freeloader. Hut two, hut two, yah, yah! And don't come | + | Mr. Krabs: (using a megaphone) Get back to work, you gold-bricking freeloader. Hut two, hut two, yah, yah! And don't come |
back 'til all the patties are krabby. (throws megaphone away) Well, now that we're alone, how would you like to be my date | back 'til all the patties are krabby. (throws megaphone away) Well, now that we're alone, how would you like to be my date | ||
Friday night to a... | Friday night to a... | ||
| − | Patricia: Well, I can't. | + | Patricia: Well, I can't. SpongeBob and I will be flying submarines that night. I have to get back to Krusting the Krab. |
(walks off) Man, why are those two so nice to me? They were never this nice to Patrick. It's weird. (opens the cabinet in | (walks off) Man, why are those two so nice to me? They were never this nice to Patrick. It's weird. (opens the cabinet in | ||
front of him and notices Squidward on the top shelf)<br> | front of him and notices Squidward on the top shelf)<br> | ||
| Line 195: | Line 195: | ||
Squidward: Are you sure about Saturday night? (Patricia closes the cabinet)<br> | Squidward: Are you sure about Saturday night? (Patricia closes the cabinet)<br> | ||
| − | Patricia: | + | Patricia: Persistent bunch. (turns on the faucet but Mr. Krabs peeks his head out of the faucet head)<br> |
| − | Mr Krabs: How about Sunday brunch?<br> | + | Mr. Krabs: How about Sunday brunch?<br> |
Patricia: No thanks, again! (walks over to the toaster where Squidward's head pops up)<br> | Patricia: No thanks, again! (walks over to the toaster where Squidward's head pops up)<br> | ||
| Line 203: | Line 203: | ||
Squidward: But I made reservations for two at...<br> | Squidward: But I made reservations for two at...<br> | ||
| − | Patricia: I said no. (scene cuts to Patricia lifting up the fryer, where Mr Krabs head is) No. ( | + | Patricia: I said no. (scene cuts to Patricia lifting up the fryer, where Mr. Krabs head is) No. (scene cuts to Patricia |
| − | using the water hose on the floor when Squidward's head pops out from a hole on the ground) No way. (scene cuts to Mr Krabs | + | using the water hose on the floor when Squidward's head pops out from a hole on the ground) No way. (scene cuts to Mr. Krabs |
in a water job) No. (scene cuts to Squidward in the toilet) No. (scene cuts to Patricia in the middle of the Krusty Krab) | in a water job) No. (scene cuts to Squidward in the toilet) No. (scene cuts to Patricia in the middle of the Krusty Krab) | ||
No! (Patricia walks into the kitchen) What is it about me that makes those two so friendly? It must have something to do | No! (Patricia walks into the kitchen) What is it about me that makes those two so friendly? It must have something to do | ||
with this disguise. I can't wear this any longer.<br> | with this disguise. I can't wear this any longer.<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: But if you reveal your secret identity, you'll have to leave Bikini Bottom.<br> | |
| − | Patricia: I'm sorry, | + | Patricia: I'm sorry, SpongeBob. I just can't live like this anymore. I'm tired of pretending to be someone that I'm not. |
| − | (opens the door to the dining room of the Krusty | + | (opens the door to the dining room of the Krusty Krab. Al the customers say hi to her)<br> |
Fish #3: The lovely Patricia... (blows a kiss) ...has returned to us. <br> | Fish #3: The lovely Patricia... (blows a kiss) ...has returned to us. <br> | ||
| Line 226: | Line 226: | ||
Patricia: I'll be right there, sir.<br> | Patricia: I'll be right there, sir.<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: What's the matter, Patrick?<br> | |
Patricia: That's the guy with the briefcase. The guy who's trying to run me out of town.<br> | Patricia: That's the guy with the briefcase. The guy who's trying to run me out of town.<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: (gasps) The assassin.<br> | |
Patricia: (walks up to the customer) What can I get you, sir?<br> | Patricia: (walks up to the customer) What can I get you, sir?<br> | ||
| Line 242: | Line 242: | ||
Patricia: He's on to us.<br> | Patricia: He's on to us.<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: I won't let you do it. You'll have to do something horrible to me before I let you throw Patrick out of town. | |
| − | Squidward & Mr Krabs: Patrick?!<br> | + | Squidward & Mr. Krabs: Patrick?!<br> |
Fish #1: You forgot your flyer. (hands them one of his flyers)<br> | Fish #1: You forgot your flyer. (hands them one of his flyers)<br> | ||
| − | + | SpongeBob: (reading flyer) Get outta town! To beautiful Sunny Shore Resorts. Look, this guy wasn't trying to run you out of | |
town, he just wanted to sell you a luxury vacation at a modest price.<br> | town, he just wanted to sell you a luxury vacation at a modest price.<br> | ||
| Line 256: | Line 256: | ||
Squidward: Umm, I think I need to take a shower.<br> | Squidward: Umm, I think I need to take a shower.<br> | ||
| − | Mr Krabs: So, let me get this straight, you're not a woman?<br> | + | Mr. Krabs: So, let me get this straight, you're not a woman?<br> |
Patrick: No.<br> | Patrick: No.<br> | ||
| − | Mr Krabs: Well then, you're fired. Uhh, if anybody needs me, I'll be in my office for, I dunno, the next 20 years or so.<br> | + | Mr. Krabs: Well then, you're fired. Uhh, if anybody needs me, I'll be in my office for, I dunno, the next 20 years or so.<br> |
| − | + | SpongeBob: Hey, buddy, what do you say we go home and get started on this list? (both run out with excitement) | |
[[Category:Episode Transcripts/Season 4]] | [[Category:Episode Transcripts/Season 4]] | ||
Revision as of 07:34, 3 May 2008
| Back Episode Transcript | Next Episode Transcript |
|---|---|
| Squidtastic Voyage | The Thing |
Episode Article: That's No Lady
Characters
(scene opens to Patrick running in the street)
Fish #1: (off-screen) Hey! (Patrick looks around) Hey, you there!
Patrick: Me?
Fish #1: Yes, you. Get outta town! (Patrick runs and screams. Fish shrugs his shoulders as another fish walks up) Get outta
town! And take a vacation to beautiful Sunny Seashores Resort. (another fish walks up) Here ya go, sir. (hands him a flyer.
Fish reads it. Scene cuts to Parick running up to SpongeBob's house and opening the door)
Patrick: I gotta get out of town! (SpongeBob hands Patrick a glass of lemonade) Oh, thanks SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: Sure, Patrick, ya...
Patrick: (screams) I gotta get going. He told me to.
SpongeBob: Who did?
Patrick: Uhh, well, uhh...hmmm, I'm not sure but he has a briefcase.
SpongeBob: Ahh, a briefcase?! He might be a paid assassin. (both start to cry) But, Patrick, you can't go. Not like this.
Who will go with me to the next jellyfisherman's expo? (shows a picture of the two at one of the expos)
Patrick: It'll have to be one of your other chums 'cause my mind is set. (both cry more)
SpongeBob: Unset, please unset it. (Patrick walks over to SpongeBob's kitchen counter and sets a briefcase on it to fill up
with clothes)
Patrick: I guess I'll pack up my stuff and get ready to go. My clothes.
SpongeBob: Umm, Patrick, those are my clothes.
Patrick: (packs up a bunch of peanut butter) My peanut butter!
SpongeBob: That's my peanut butter.
Patrick: And my pickles. (stuffs a bunch of pickles into the bag and closes it)
SpongeBob: I can't believe you're leaving, Patrick. (cries) With all my pickles!
Patrick: It's the end of me. Being here.
SpongeBob: Wait! Stop! What about all our plans? 8:00am - Wake up Patrick, 9:00am - Eat Kelpo with Patrick, 10:00am - Brush teeth with Patrick, 1:00pm - Stare at Patrick. Who's gonna do all that with me?
Patrick: I'm sorry, there's no stopping the unstoppable. Patrick Star will live no more, forever...in Bikini Bottom.
SpongeBob: But...what if you weren't Patrick Star?
Patrick: Oh, no. I'm not Patrick Star?
SpongeBob: You are Patrick Star but you won't be for long.
Patrick: Huh? (scene cuts to SpongeBob putting on a visor over Patrick's eyes) There ya go, Patrick. No one will know it's you. (Patrick look in a mirror, screams, then runs out of the pineapple through the wall, leaving a star-shaped hole) Patrick, you ok?
Larry: Hey guys! Yo, Patrick, cool shades.
SpongeBob: Well, Pat, that disguise didn't work. We're gonna have to try harder.
Patrick: Yeah, well, thanks ol' SpongeBob for your help. It was a noble effort but alass, all in vain, it's no use. I must
leave. (holds out his arms and runs passed SpongeBob to pet a rock) Goodbye rock. Goodbye coral. (hugs the coral but it
sticks to him) Ow! Goodbye seaweed. (walks off)
SpongeBob: Too bad we couldn't come up with a better costume. (looks at the seaweed) Hmmm...
Patrick: Goodbye sky. (SpongeBob walks up to Patrick and puts some seaweed on his head)
SpongeBob: That's it. With the seaweed on your head, you could be a...
Patrick: Oh, I know, I know! I could be a seaweed monsterman. And live happily forever after in Bikini Bottom.
SpongeBob: Patrick, there already is a seaweed monsterman. (scroll over to a monster with seaweed all over its body)
Seaweed Monsterman: Hey!
Patrick: Doh.
SpongeBob: It's ok, Patrick. So you can't be a monster. But that vegetation on your head gives me an idea of what you can
be. (scene cuts to inside a store) You're all set. Come on out, Patrick. (Patrick steps forward, looking like a girl.
Wearing a blonde wig and green top and bottom. Scene cuts to SpongeBob and Patrick walking down the street)
Fish #2: Hi, SpongeBob. And hello, lady. (tips his hat to Patrick)
SpongeBob: The disguise is working, Patrick. I mean, Patricia. (both giggle)
Larry: SpongeBob, you never told me you had a girlfriend.
Patrick: Oh, I'm not his girlfriend. I'm Pat.
SpongeBob: Pat-ricia. Pat-ricia. Patricia. (laughs)
Larry: Bro, your girlfriend is not ugly.
SpongeBob: Actually, Larry, she's not my girlfriend, she's just a...
Larry: It's cool, buddy. You don't have to explain your girlfriend to me.
SpongeBob: But she's not my girlfriend.
Larry: I don't know why you're standing here talking to me when you could be talking to your girlfriend.
SpongeBob: C'mon, Patricia. (grabs her hand and walks off)
Patricia: Bye.
Larry: Congratulations on the new girlfriend, dude.
Mr. Krabs: (runs up) SpongeBob! This is not the time for Sunday Stroll. It's time for work.
SpongeBob: But, Mr. Krabs, the Krusty Krab doesn't open for another 2 hours.
Mr. Krabs: (hands SpongeBob a spatula) There be no such thing as opening too early, me boy. Excuse us, miss. Huh? (notices
Patricia as his eyes explode from seeing the beauty)
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, who's your friend?
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, this is Patricia.
Mr. Krabs: (eyes inflate back to normal) Patricia. The most beautiful sound I've ever seen. SpongeBob, do we need any more
help down at the Krusty Krab?
SpongeBob: No.
Mr. Krabs: We do? Great, she can start right away. (scene cuts to the Krusty Krab where Squidward is reading the newspaper
until Patricia walks in)
Squidward: And who are you my rifeness beauty?
Mr. Krabs: That's Patricia, our newest Krusty Krab employee.
Squidward: Well, she sure is stunning. (Patricia is picking her nose)
Mr. Krabs: Just keep your eyes on the customers, Mr. Squidward. (walks off. Patricia is cleaning tables until Squidward walks
up to her)
Squidward: Hi, Patricia. I drew this for you. (hands her a piece of paper) Likeness is uncanny, if I do say so myself.
(drawing on the piece of paper is Squidward. A scream is heard off-screen in horror of the picture)
Patricia: Uhh, thank you, Squidward. (Mr. Krabs comes out of the kitchen with two trays of food, one in each hand)
Mr. Krabs: Order up, Miss Patricia.
Patricia: Excuse me, Squidward. (eats the drawing, burps then walks off)
Mr. Krabs: (hands Patricia both trays) This order goes to table 7 and remember your manners. (Patricia walks up to a table
with the number seven on it)
Patricia: Forty...thirty...
Mr. Krabs: That's a 7, Patricia.
Patricia: Mr. Krabs, you ordered two Krusty meals?
Mr. Krabs:(gasps) Did I order two meals? Oh, silly me. I can't possibly eat two Krusty meals, myself. (spreads a table
cloth, with a radio, on the table) I guess you'll just have to help me finish all this food.
Patricia: Ok. (sits down. Mr. Krabs pushes a button and some music plays)
Mr. Krabs: Patricia, we may have only known each other for a short time, now, but I feel like a special connection has been
made. (Patricia inhales the table cloth and all the food. Then she burps out the radio)
SpongeBob: Quite an appetite but she's all woman. (scene cuts to Patricia walking in the kitchen with two orders. Squidward plays a soothing song on his clarinet)
Squidward: Eh? Ya know, Patricia, they don't call me the 'Sizzlelips Squid' for nothing. So, are you free this Saturday
night?
Patricia: No, that's the night SpongeBob and I are having a staring contest.
Squidward: SpongeBob?!
Mr. Krabs: (using a megaphone) Get back to work, you gold-bricking freeloader. Hut two, hut two, yah, yah! And don't come back 'til all the patties are krabby. (throws megaphone away) Well, now that we're alone, how would you like to be my date Friday night to a...
Patricia: Well, I can't. SpongeBob and I will be flying submarines that night. I have to get back to Krusting the Krab.
(walks off) Man, why are those two so nice to me? They were never this nice to Patrick. It's weird. (opens the cabinet in
front of him and notices Squidward on the top shelf)
Squidward: Are you sure about Saturday night? (Patricia closes the cabinet)
Patricia: Persistent bunch. (turns on the faucet but Mr. Krabs peeks his head out of the faucet head)
Mr. Krabs: How about Sunday brunch?
Patricia: No thanks, again! (walks over to the toaster where Squidward's head pops up)
Squidward: But I made reservations for two at...
Patricia: I said no. (scene cuts to Patricia lifting up the fryer, where Mr. Krabs head is) No. (scene cuts to Patricia
using the water hose on the floor when Squidward's head pops out from a hole on the ground) No way. (scene cuts to Mr. Krabs
in a water job) No. (scene cuts to Squidward in the toilet) No. (scene cuts to Patricia in the middle of the Krusty Krab)
No! (Patricia walks into the kitchen) What is it about me that makes those two so friendly? It must have something to do
with this disguise. I can't wear this any longer.
SpongeBob: But if you reveal your secret identity, you'll have to leave Bikini Bottom.
Patricia: I'm sorry, SpongeBob. I just can't live like this anymore. I'm tired of pretending to be someone that I'm not.
(opens the door to the dining room of the Krusty Krab. Al the customers say hi to her)
Fish #3: The lovely Patricia... (blows a kiss) ...has returned to us.
Patricia: I have an announcement to make. The entire day that I've worked here I've wanted to say... (notices the fish from
the beginning, giving out flyers, has entered the Krusty Krab. He starts to stutter) I've wanted to say that, uhh, that I
will eat any leftovers on your plate. (smiles and walks away)
Customers: Huh?
Fish #1: Ahoy, waitress, aren't you gonna take my order?
Patricia: I'll be right there, sir.
SpongeBob: What's the matter, Patrick?
Patricia: That's the guy with the briefcase. The guy who's trying to run me out of town.
SpongeBob: (gasps) The assassin.
Patricia: (walks up to the customer) What can I get you, sir?
Fish #1: Say, don't I know you from somewhere?
Patricia: No.
Fish #1: Hmmm...that's it. Get outta town!
Patricia: He's on to us.
SpongeBob: I won't let you do it. You'll have to do something horrible to me before I let you throw Patrick out of town.
Squidward & Mr. Krabs: Patrick?!
Fish #1: You forgot your flyer. (hands them one of his flyers)
SpongeBob: (reading flyer) Get outta town! To beautiful Sunny Shore Resorts. Look, this guy wasn't trying to run you out of
town, he just wanted to sell you a luxury vacation at a modest price.
Patricia: Well, I guess I don't need this disguise anymore. (rips off his disguise. Everyone gasps while Squidwards eyes
shrink in horror)
Squidward: Umm, I think I need to take a shower.
Mr. Krabs: So, let me get this straight, you're not a woman?
Patrick: No.
Mr. Krabs: Well then, you're fired. Uhh, if anybody needs me, I'll be in my office for, I dunno, the next 20 years or so.
SpongeBob: Hey, buddy, what do you say we go home and get started on this list? (both run out with excitement)Template:Slogan
