Episode Transcript: Club SpongeBob

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Episode Article: [[Club SpongeBob]]
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Episode Article: [[Club SpongeBob (Episode)|Club SpongeBob]]
  
 
==Characters==
 
==Characters==
*[[SpongeBob]]
+
*[[SpongeBob SquarePants|SpongeBob]]
*[[Patrick]]
+
*[[Patrick Star|Patrick]]
*[[Squidward]]
+
*[[Squidward Tentacles|Squidward]]
 
*[[Magic Conch Shell]]
 
*[[Magic Conch Shell]]
*Park Ranger
+
*[[Explorer]]
  
 
==Dialogue==
 
==Dialogue==
 +
(episode starts with Squidward coming out of his house with a bicycle and putting on his work hat before heading to work. He passes a beanstalk-like vine which has a treehouse in it and in it is SpongeBob and Patrick, who are giggling)
  
(Scene starts with Squidward coming out of his with a bicycle.He's off to work)<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Wey wook.. it's Widward!!
(He passes a Beanstalk which has a treehouse in it and in it is SpongeBob and Patrick.
+
  
SpongeBob and Patrick: (Giggling)<br>
+
'''Squidward''': What? (SpongeBob and Patrick laugh)
  
SpongeBob: Wey wook.. it's Widward!!<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Widward's woing to work. (he and Patrick laugh)
  
Squidward: What?<br>
+
'''Patrick''': Where...does he work? Wat the Wusty Wab? (he and SpongeBob laugh)
  
SpongeBob and Patrick: (laughter)<br>
+
'''Squidward''': What's that supposed to mean? Some kind of stupid secret code?
  
SpongeBob: Widward's woing to work.<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': We can't tell you because you're not a member of the club.
  
SpongeBob and Patrick: (laughter)<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Oh yeah? What does it take to be a member? Besides being a moron... Hahaha...moron...as a requirement... hahaha...
  
Patrick: Where...does he work? Wat the Wusty Wab?<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Sorry, Squidward. But you couldn't even get in even if you tried!
  
SpongeBob and Patrick: (laughter)<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Well, I'll have you know that I am a member of over 20 exclusive clubs all over the sea bottom.
  
Squidward: What's that supposed to mean? Some kind of stupid secret code?<br>
+
'''Patrick''': What'd he say?
  
SpongeBob: We can't tell you because your not a member of the club.<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': I dunno, something about his nose?
  
Squidward: Oh yeah? What does it take to be a member? Besides being a moron... Hahaha...moron...as a
+
'''Patrick''': Squidward, you and your nose will definitely NOT fit in!
requirement...hahaha...<br>
+
  
SpongeBob: Sorry Squidward.. but you couldn't even get in if you tried!!<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Oh what do two you zeros know about fitting in? (climbs vine) Why...you should be begging me to join!!
  
Squidward: Well I'll have you know.. that I am a member of over 20 exclusive clubs all over the sea bottom.<br>
+
'''SpongeBob and Patrick''': No, no, no! Stop! You can't join! You can't get in! (Squidward squeezes himself in and gets stuck inside the tree house)
  
Patrick: What'd he say?<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Well, this is stupid... there's no room up here!
  
SpongeBob: I dunno.. something about his nose? <br>
+
'''Patrick''': That's what we've been trying to tell you!
  
Patrick: Squidward.. you and your nose will definitely NOT fit in!!<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': We've been stuck up here for three days.
  
Squidward: Oh what do two you zeros know about fitting in?
+
'''Patrick''': We told you you wouldn't fit in. (Squidward sneers)
  
(Climbs vine)<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Well, since you're here Squidward, we'll give you the new member initiation. Are you ready Patrick?
  
Squidward: Why...you should be begging me to join!!<br>
+
'''Patrick''': Ready! (they clap hands and sing)
  
SpongeBob and Patrick: No no no!! Stop.. you can't get in!!<br>
+
'''Music:''' [[Welcome to Our Club! (Song)]]
 
+
(Squidward gets stuck in the treehouse)<br>
+
 
+
Squidward: Well this is stupid.. there's no room up here!!<br>
+
 
+
Patrick: That's what we've been trying to tell you!!<br>
+
 
+
SpongeBob: We've been stuck up here for three days..<br>
+
 
+
Patrick: We told you you wouldn't fit in..<br>
+
 
+
Squidward: (sneers)<br>
+
 
+
Spongebob: Well...since you're here Squidward...we'll give you the new member initiation. Are you ready Patrick?<br>
+
 
+
Patrick: Ready!
+
 
+
'''Music:'''(they clap hands and sing).
+
  
 
  Welcome to our club,
 
  Welcome to our club,
 
  Welcome to our club.
 
  Welcome to our club.
  
Welcome Squidward
 
Welcome Squidward,
 
Welcome Squidward
 
 
  Welcome Squidward!
 
  Welcome Squidward!
 +
Welcome Squidward!
 +
Welcome Squidward!
 +
Welcome Squidward!
 +
Welcome Squidward!
 +
Wel--
  
Squidward: Shut your half-wit pieholes!!(covers their mouths) I do not now, nor will I ever, want to be a member of your stupid club!!<br>
+
'''Squidward''': (covers their mouths) Shut your half-wit pieholes! I do not now, nor will I ever, want to be a member of your stupid club!! (climbs down the vine, pulling down the beanstalk in the process. The vine holding the beanstalk snaps and it flicks backwards and Squidward and the tree house are sent flying. Screams while a couple mistake it for a shooting star)
  
(Gets to floor,pulling down the Beanstalk in the prossecs, then vine snaps, The Beanstalk flicks backwards and Squidward and the treehouse are sent flying.))<br>
+
'''Nancy''': Whoa!
  
Squidward: AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!<br>
+
'''Frank''': Make a wish, honey. (tree house falls into a [[Kelp Forest|kelp forest]])
  
(a couple mistake it for a shooting star).
+
'''SpongeBob and Patrick''': (both run out) Whoo!! Whoo!! Whoo!! Again!! Again!! (beating chests and flicking their tongues around) WHOLOOLOOLOOLOO...
  
Nancy: Whoa!<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Oh, no. That didn't just happen. Please tell me that didn't happen!
  
Frank: Make a wish, honey.<br>
+
'''Patrick''': What happened? (Squidward moves away and frantically runs around)
  
(Treehouse falls into kelp forest)<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Where are we? We're lost. There's no way out! Stuck... in the middle of nowhere... with SpongeBob and Patrick!(SpongeBob and Patrick wave at Squidward, who starts crying) Why must every 11 minutes of my life be filled with misery? WHHHYY?!
  
SpongeBob and Patrick: (run out) Whoo!! Whoo!! Whoo!! Again!! Again!!(beat chests) WHOLOOLOOLOOLOO...<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Oh, cheer up, Squid. It could be worse.
  
Squidward: Oh, no. That didn't just happen. Please tell me that didn't happen!!<br>
+
'''Patrick''': Yeah. You could be bald and have a big nose. (Squidward's nose and head deflate)
  
Patrick: What happened?<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Well, this is the end. (drops to the ground)
  
(Squidward moves away and franticlly runs around).<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': No, it's not, Squidward!
  
Squidward: Where are we? We're lost. There's no way out!! Stuck.. in the middle of nowhere.. with Spongebob and Patrick!!
+
'''Patrick''': (building coffins) It's not?
<br>
+
  
(SpongeBob and Patrick wave at Squidward crying)<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Come on guys, we'll be fine! (patting Squidward's head) As long as we stick together, remember, we're a club!!
 +
WHOOOLOOOOLOOOOLOOOOLOOOO!! (flicks tongue around) And besides...we have THIS!! (pulls out the Magic Conch Shell)
  
Squidward: Why does every 11 minutes of my life be filled with misery? WHHHYY?<br>
+
'''Squidward''': What's that?
  
SpongeBob: Oh cheer up Squid. It could be worse.<br>
+
'''Patrick''': OOOOOH! The Magic Conch Shell! Ask it something! Ask it something!
  
Patrick: Yeah. You could be bald and have a big nose.<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Magic Conch Shell...will I ever get married?
  
(Squidward's nose and head deflates)<br>
+
'''Magic Conch''': ''Maybe someday.''
  
Squidward: Well.. this is the end..<br>
+
'''SpongeBob and Patrick''': Oooohhhh...
  
SpongeBob: No it's not Squidward!!<br>
+
'''Squidward''': You've got to be kidding! That is just a STUPID toy! How can that possibly help us?
  
Patrick: (building coffins) It's not?<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': (gasps) Squidward, you must never question the wisdom of the Magic Conch. The club always takes it's advice
 +
before we do anything.
  
SpongeBob: Come on guys, we'll be fine!! (patting Squidward's head) As long as we stick together, remember, we're a club!!
+
'''Patrick''': The shell knows all!
WHOOOLOOOOLOOOOLOOOOLOOOO!! And besides...we have THIS!!<br>
+
  
(SpongeBob pulls out the Magic Conch Shell)<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Oh, Magic Conch...what do we have to do to get out of the Kelp Forest?
  
Squidward: What's that?<br>
+
'''Magic Conch''': ''Nothing.''
  
Patrick: OOOOO!! The Magic Conch Shell!! Ask it something!! Ask it something!!<br>
+
'''Patrick''': THE SHELL HAS SPOKEN!
  
SpongeBob: Magic Conch Shell...will I ever get married?<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Nothing?! We can't just sit here and do NOTHING!! (SpongeBob and Patrick sit down, literally doing nothing. Gets mad) I can't believe you two are gonna take advice.. from a TOY!! (SpongeBob and Patrick still do nothing) Alright. Alright. Alright! I don't need your help. I'm gonna find my way back to sanity. But don't you two sad clowns come crying to me when your circus tent comes crashing down!! (walks away in Kelp Forest) Sad clowns.. Haha. Haha. Sad. Haha. Haha. Clowns. Haha. Haha. (cut to further in the Kelp Forest. It is now dark and Squidward is running around, scared out of his wits, startled by frogs and an owl and a leopard shark) What was that? I was already here!! Which way do I go? Ohh I'm lost!! Ohh...I'm HOPELESSLY LOST!! I'll never get out of here!! (sees light) Huh? Huh? (laughs hysterically. Lands back in the light) I'm FREE!! Take that, SpongeBob and Patrick!! Ahahaha!! Ahahaha!! (fist punches in air. Sees SpongeBob and Patrick) Ohh...there's no way out of here. (bubble-wipe to later. A stick is thrown at Patrick's head. Squidward has surrounded himself with sticks and a fire and is wearing a Chinese hat. He is also sitting on a rock) How's it going over their at Club Shell-For-Brains? Mmm mmm mmm. I am hungry. I wonder what's on the menu for Club SQUIDWARD tonight? (steps on bug) Aahhhhh... (throws bug onto pan then walks over to SpongeBob) Oooohh. Doesn't that smell good, SpongeBob? You haven't eaten in days. (walks over to Patrick) How about you, Patrick? A big boy's gotta eat. Well, you can't have any. (walks away) And do you know why, SpongeBob? Because your club president is a shell! (shakes butt at SpongeBob) If you had listened to me, you'd have food, shelter, and a roaring fire. But instead, you listen to a talking clam, (moves back to Club Squidward) that tells you NOTHING! As if the answers to all your problems will fall right out of the sky! Hahaha!! Fall right out of the sky! (airplane starts falling out of the sky)
  
Magic Conch: Maybe someday.<br>
+
'''Purple Pilot:''' Dude, we're falling right out the sky! We gotta drop the load! (other pilot presses "Drop the Load" button. Airplane drops picnic supplies (including food) to where SpongeBob and Patrick are)
  
SpongeBob and Patrick: Oooohhhh...<br>
+
'''SpongeBob and Patrick''': (both smile) Praise the Magic Conch!! (flicking tongues around) WHOOOLOOOOLOOOOLOOOO! (Squidward stares at them. The bug gets up and hits him with the stick. SpongeBob and Patrick eat while laughing)
  
Squidward: You've got to be kidding!! That is just a STUPID toy!! How can that possibly help us?<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Hey uhh, SpongeBob, (he now looks like a scraggy savage) that sure is a lot of food you got there.
  
SpongeBob: (gasp) Squidward, you must never question the wisdom of the Magic Conch. The club always takes it's advice
+
'''SpongeBob''': It's a gift from the Magic Conch.
before we do anything.<br>
+
  
Patrick: The shell knows all!!<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Everything sure looks delicious. Oohh! [[Smoked Sausages]]! My favorite! (reaches for them but Patrick sucks them in and eats them, accidentally sucks Squidward's nose. Frees nose) Hey, uhh, SpongeBob, you know I was just kidding before earlier and I mean I'm still part of the club and I mean the club has to stick together, and uhh, uhh...
  
SpongeBob: Oh, Magic Conch...what do we have to do to get out of the Kelp Forest?<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Squidward...
  
Magic Conch: Nothing.<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Yes, SpongeBob?
  
Patrick: THE SHELL HAS SPOKEN!!<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Once a member, always a member!
  
Squidward: Nothing?! We can't just sit here and do NOTHING!! (SpongeBob and Patrick sit down.. doing nothing gets mad) I can't believe you two are gonna take advice.. from a TOY!! (SpongeBob and Patrick still do nothing.) Alright. Alright. Alright!! I don't need your help. I'm gonna find my way back to sanity. But don't you two sad clowns come crying to me when your circus tent comes crashing down!! (Walking away in kelp forest)
+
'''SpongeBob and Patrick''': (both clink glasses) To the club! (flicking tongues around) WHOOLOOOLOOOLOOLOOOOLOOO!!
Sad clowns.. Haha. Haha. Sad. Haha. Haha. Clowns. Haha. Haha. (the scene then cuts to it is now dark and Squidward is running around, scared out of his wits, startled by frogs and an owl and a leopard shark.) What was that? I was already here!! Which way do I go? Ohh I'm lost!! Ohh...I'm HOPELESSLY LOST!! I'll never get
+
out of here!! (Sees light) Huh? Huh? Hhahahahahahaahhaa!! (lands back in the light) I'm FREE!! Take that Spongebob and Patrick!! Ahahaha!! Ahahaha!(Fist punches in air. Sees Spongebob and Patrick)Ohh...there's no way out of here. (Stick is thrown at Patrick's head.. Squidward has surrounded himself with sticks and a fire and is wearing a chinese hat How's it going over their at Club Shell-For-Brains? Mmm mmm mmm. I am hungry. I wonder what's on the menu for Club SQUIDWARD tonight? (Steps on bug) Aahhhhh... (Throws bug onto pan then walks over to SpongeBob)
+
Oooohh.. Doesn't that smell good SpongeBob? You haven't eaten in days.. (Walks over to Patrick) How about you Patrick? A big boy's gotta eat.. Well you can't have any.. (Walks Away) And do you know why SpongeBob? Because your club president is a shell!! (Shakes butt at SpongeBob)
+
If you had listened to me.. you'd have food.. shelter.. and a roaring fire.. But instead.. you listen to a talking clam..
+
(Moves back to Club Squidward) That tells you NOTHING!! As if the answers of all your answers will fall right out of the sky!! Hahaha!! Fall
+
right out of the sky!! (Airplane falling out of the sky)<br>
+
  
Pilot 1: Dude!! We're falling right out the sky!! We gotta drop the load!!<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Yeah.. Whooloolooloo.. Now if you'll excuse me... (runs to table with all the food) What should I eat first? The spaghetti, the turkey, the soup, the canned meat?
  
(Presses "Drop the Load" button. Drops picnic supplies (food) to where SpongeBob and Patrick are)<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Why don't you ask... the Magic Conch, Squidward?
  
SpongeBob and Patrick:(smile) Praise the Magic Conch!! WHOOOLOOOOLOOOOLOOOO!<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Oh, yeah, like that'll happen. Right after I consult the Magic Toenail. (SpongeBob and Patrick pull table away)
  
(Squidward stares and the bug gets up and hits him with the stick. SpongeBob and Patrick eat)<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': (gasps) Squidward, are you questioning the authority of the Magic Conch? The conch is the one who gave us this
 +
banquet.. This copyrighted conch is the cornerstone of our organization!
  
SpongeBob and Patrick: Ahahahaha!!<br>
+
'''Patrick''': (whispers) Maybe he's not a brother. (SpongeBob looks at Patrick wide-eyed)
  
Squidward: Hey uhh Spongebob(he now looks like a scraggy savage).. that sure is a lot of food you got there..<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Heheheh...you guys have it all wrong!! I love this little piece of plastic. (picks up Magic Conch) Hello there. Uhh, Magic Conch, I was wondering...should I have the spaghetti or the turkey?
  
SpongeBob: It's a gift from the Magic Conch..<br>
+
'''Magic Conch''': ''Neither.''
  
Squidward: Everything sure looks delicious. Oohh!! Smoked Sausages!! My favorite!! (Reaches for them but Patrick sucks them in and eats them,accidentlly sucks Squidward's nose). (fress nose) Hey, uhh, SpongeBob, you know I was just kidding before earlier and I mean I'm
+
'''Squidward''': Oh. Well what about the soup?
still part of the club and I mean the club has to stick together, and uhh, uhh...<br>
+
  
SpongeBob: Squidward...<br>
+
'''Magic Conch''': ''I don't think so.''
  
Squidward: Yes, SpongeBob?<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Can I have anything to eat?
  
SpongeBob: Once a member, always a member!!<br>
+
'''Magic Conch''': ''No.''
  
SpongeBob and Patrick: (clink glasses) To the club! WHOOLOOOLOOOLOOLOOOOLOOO!!<br>
+
'''Squidward''': No?! What do you mean no? I'm starving here!
  
Squidward: Yeah.. Whooloolooloo.. Now if you'll excuse me... (Runs to table with all the food) What should I eat first? The spaghetti,
+
'''Patrick''': (takes Magic Conch) Here, lemme try. Magic Conch...can Squidward have some of this yummy-delicious-super-terrific
the turkey, the soup, the canned meat?<br>
+
sandwich?
  
SpongeBob: Why don't you ask.. The Magic Conch Squidward?<br>
+
'''Magic Conch''': ''No.''
  
Squidward: Oh, yeah, like that'll happen. Right after I consult the Magic Toenail.<br>
+
'''Patrick''': Hmm.. Can I have some of this yummy-delicious-super-terrific sandwich?
  
(SpongeBob and Patrick pull table away)<br>
+
'''Magic Conch''': ''Yes.''
  
SpongeBob: (gasp) Squidward, are you questioning the authority of the Magic Conch? The Conch is the one who gave us this
+
'''Patrick''': Alright! (vacuums in sandwich. Belches) Sorry Squidward.
banquet.. This copyrighted conch is the quarterstone of our organization!!<br>
+
  
Patrick: Maybe he's not a brother.<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Give me that! (takes Magic Conch) Can I have something to eat?
  
(SpongeBob looks at Patrick wide-eyed)<br>
+
'''Magic Conch''': ''No.''
  
Squidward: Hehehe...you guys have it all wrong!! I love this little piece of plastic.(picks up Magic Conch) Hello there. Uhh, Magic Conch,
+
'''Squidward''': Can I have something to eat?
I was wondering...should I have the spaghetti or the turkey?<br>
+
  
Magic Conch: Neither.<br>
+
'''Magic Conch''': ''No.''
  
Squidward: Oh. Well what about the soup?<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Can I have something to eat?
  
Magic Conch: I don't think so.<br>
+
'''Magic Conch''': ''No.''
  
Squidward: Can I have anything to eat?<br>
+
'''Squidward''': Can't you say anything else but no?<
  
Magic Conch: No.<br>
+
'''Magic Conch''': ''Try asking again.''
  
Squidward: No?! What do you mean No? I'm starving here!!
+
'''Squidward''': Can I have something to eat?
  
Patrick: (takes Magic Conch) Here, lemme try. Magic Conch...can Squidward have some of this yummy-delicious-super-terrific
+
'''Magic Conch''': ''No.'' (Squidward fumes. His eyes become bloodshot and veins appear in his face. He shakes his head in fury)
sandwich?<br>
+
  
Magic Conch: No.<br>
+
'''SpongeBob''': Squidward, are you alright? (Squidward is still getting mad)
  
Patrick: Hmm.. Can I this yummy-delicious-super-terrific sandwich?<br>
+
'''Patrick''': Maybe we should ask the shell if he's OK.
  
Magic Conch: Yes.<br>
+
'''Rescuer''': Hello? Anyone there? Hello? HELLO? Do you folks need some help? (cuts through kelp, seeing SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward, close up shows them as scruffy castaways)
  
Patrick: Alright!! (Vacuums in sandwich,burps) Sorry Squidward.<br>
+
'''Squidward''': I'm SAVED! (runs over to Rescuer) You don't know how happy I am to see you. I've been stranded out here for weeks.. with these two barnacle heads, and their Magic Conch Shell!
  
Squidward: Give me that! (takes Magic Conch) Could I have something to eat?<br>
+
'''Rescuer''': Magic...Conch...Shell? (pulls out Magic Conch) YOU MEAN LIKE THIS? (he now has two big teeth)
  
Magic Conch: No.<br>
+
'''SpongeBob and Patrick''': The Magic Conch! A club member!
  
Squidward: Could I have something to eat?<br>
+
'''SpongeBob, Patrick, and Rescuer''': (flicking tongues around) WHOOLOOOLOOOLOOOLOOOO!
Magic Conch: No.<br>
+
  
Squidward: Could I have something to eat?<br>
+
'''Squidward''': (close up shows him looking at the Rescuer in shock, mumbling in disbelief) A brother?
  
Magic Conch: No.<br>
+
'''Rescuer''': The Magic Conch told me to come and save you guys!
  
Squidward: Can't you say anything else but no?<br>
+
'''SpongeBob, Patrick, and Rescuer''': Hooray for the Magic Conch!
  
Magic Conch: Try asking again.<br>
+
'''Rescuer''': Alright Magic Conch. What do we do now?
  
Squidward: Can I have something to eat?<br>
+
'''Magic Conch''': ''Nothing.''
  
Magic Conch: No.<br>
+
'''SpongeBob, Patrick, and Rescuer''': All hail the Magic Conch! (they sit down doing nothing. Squidward moves behind them)<br>
  
(Squidward fumes eyes get Bloodshot and veins appear in his face...getting mad and shakes head in fury).<br>
+
'''Squidward''': (weakly) All hail the Magic Conch. (sits down with SpongeBob, Patrick, and the Rescuer)
 
+
SpongeBob: Squidward, are you alright?<br>
+
 
+
(Squidward still getting mad)<br>
+
 
+
Patrick: Maybe we should ask the shell if he's ok.<br>
+
 
+
Rescuer: Hello? Anyone there? Hello? HELLO? Do you folks need some help?<br>
+
 
+
(Cuts through kelp...seeing SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward, close up shows then a scruffy castaways)<br>
+
 
+
Squidward: I'm SAVED!!<br>
+
 
+
(Runs over to Rescuer)<br>
+
 
+
Squidward: You don't know how happy I am to see you.. I've been stranded out here for weeks.. with these two barnacle heads..
+
and their Magic Conch Shell!!<br>
+
 
+
Rescuer: Magic...Conch...Shell? (pulls out Magic Conch) YOU MEAN LIKE THIS? (with two big teeth)<br>
+
 
+
SpongeBob and Patrick: The Magic Conch!! A club member!!<br>
+
 
+
SpongeBob, Patrick, and Rescuer: WHOOLOOOLOOOLOOOLOOOO!!<br>
+
 
+
Squidward: (close up shows him looking at the Rescuer in shock, mumbling in disbelief) A brother?<br>
+
 
+
Rescuer: The Magic Conch told me to come and save you guys!!<br>
+
 
+
SpongeBob, Patrick, and Rescuer: Hooray for the Magic Conch!!<br>
+
 
+
Rescuer: Alright Magic Conch.. What do we do now?<br>
+
 
+
Magic Conch: Nothing.<br>
+
 
+
SpongeBob, Patrick, and Rescuer: All hail the Magic Conch!!<br>
+
 
+
(SpongeBob, Patrick, and the Rescuer sit down doing nothing. Squidward moves behind them)<br>
+
 
+
Squidward: ALL HAIL THE MAGIC CONCH!!<br>
+
 
+
(Sits down with Spongebob, Patrick, and the Rescuer)
+
  
 
{{Transcripts/Season 3}}
 
{{Transcripts/Season 3}}
 
 
[[Category:Transcript]]
 
[[Category:Transcript]]
 
[[Category:Episode Transcripts/Season 3]]
 
[[Category:Episode Transcripts/Season 3]]
 
{{Slogan}}
 

Latest revision as of 00:24, 17 October 2024

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SpongeGuard on Duty My Pretty Seahorse

Episode Article: Club SpongeBob

[edit] Characters

[edit] Dialogue

(episode starts with Squidward coming out of his house with a bicycle and putting on his work hat before heading to work. He passes a beanstalk-like vine which has a treehouse in it and in it is SpongeBob and Patrick, who are giggling)

SpongeBob: Wey wook.. it's Widward!!

Squidward: What? (SpongeBob and Patrick laugh)

SpongeBob: Widward's woing to work. (he and Patrick laugh)

Patrick: Where...does he work? Wat the Wusty Wab? (he and SpongeBob laugh)

Squidward: What's that supposed to mean? Some kind of stupid secret code?

SpongeBob: We can't tell you because you're not a member of the club.

Squidward: Oh yeah? What does it take to be a member? Besides being a moron... Hahaha...moron...as a requirement... hahaha...

SpongeBob: Sorry, Squidward. But you couldn't even get in even if you tried!

Squidward: Well, I'll have you know that I am a member of over 20 exclusive clubs all over the sea bottom.

Patrick: What'd he say?

SpongeBob: I dunno, something about his nose?

Patrick: Squidward, you and your nose will definitely NOT fit in!

Squidward: Oh what do two you zeros know about fitting in? (climbs vine) Why...you should be begging me to join!!

SpongeBob and Patrick: No, no, no! Stop! You can't join! You can't get in! (Squidward squeezes himself in and gets stuck inside the tree house)

Squidward: Well, this is stupid... there's no room up here!

Patrick: That's what we've been trying to tell you!

SpongeBob: We've been stuck up here for three days.

Patrick: We told you you wouldn't fit in. (Squidward sneers)

SpongeBob: Well, since you're here Squidward, we'll give you the new member initiation. Are you ready Patrick?

Patrick: Ready! (they clap hands and sing)

Music: Welcome to Our Club! (Song)

Welcome to our club,
Welcome to our club.
Welcome Squidward!
Welcome Squidward!
Welcome Squidward!
Welcome Squidward!
Welcome Squidward!
Wel--

Squidward: (covers their mouths) Shut your half-wit pieholes! I do not now, nor will I ever, want to be a member of your stupid club!! (climbs down the vine, pulling down the beanstalk in the process. The vine holding the beanstalk snaps and it flicks backwards and Squidward and the tree house are sent flying. Screams while a couple mistake it for a shooting star)

Nancy: Whoa!

Frank: Make a wish, honey. (tree house falls into a kelp forest)

SpongeBob and Patrick: (both run out) Whoo!! Whoo!! Whoo!! Again!! Again!! (beating chests and flicking their tongues around) WHOLOOLOOLOOLOO...

Squidward: Oh, no. That didn't just happen. Please tell me that didn't happen!

Patrick: What happened? (Squidward moves away and frantically runs around)

Squidward: Where are we? We're lost. There's no way out! Stuck... in the middle of nowhere... with SpongeBob and Patrick!(SpongeBob and Patrick wave at Squidward, who starts crying) Why must every 11 minutes of my life be filled with misery? WHHHYY?!

SpongeBob: Oh, cheer up, Squid. It could be worse.

Patrick: Yeah. You could be bald and have a big nose. (Squidward's nose and head deflate)

Squidward: Well, this is the end. (drops to the ground)

SpongeBob: No, it's not, Squidward!

Patrick: (building coffins) It's not?

SpongeBob: Come on guys, we'll be fine! (patting Squidward's head) As long as we stick together, remember, we're a club!! WHOOOLOOOOLOOOOLOOOOLOOOO!! (flicks tongue around) And besides...we have THIS!! (pulls out the Magic Conch Shell)

Squidward: What's that?

Patrick: OOOOOH! The Magic Conch Shell! Ask it something! Ask it something!

SpongeBob: Magic Conch Shell...will I ever get married?

Magic Conch: Maybe someday.

SpongeBob and Patrick: Oooohhhh...

Squidward: You've got to be kidding! That is just a STUPID toy! How can that possibly help us?

SpongeBob: (gasps) Squidward, you must never question the wisdom of the Magic Conch. The club always takes it's advice before we do anything.

Patrick: The shell knows all!

SpongeBob: Oh, Magic Conch...what do we have to do to get out of the Kelp Forest?

Magic Conch: Nothing.

Patrick: THE SHELL HAS SPOKEN!

Squidward: Nothing?! We can't just sit here and do NOTHING!! (SpongeBob and Patrick sit down, literally doing nothing. Gets mad) I can't believe you two are gonna take advice.. from a TOY!! (SpongeBob and Patrick still do nothing) Alright. Alright. Alright! I don't need your help. I'm gonna find my way back to sanity. But don't you two sad clowns come crying to me when your circus tent comes crashing down!! (walks away in Kelp Forest) Sad clowns.. Haha. Haha. Sad. Haha. Haha. Clowns. Haha. Haha. (cut to further in the Kelp Forest. It is now dark and Squidward is running around, scared out of his wits, startled by frogs and an owl and a leopard shark) What was that? I was already here!! Which way do I go? Ohh I'm lost!! Ohh...I'm HOPELESSLY LOST!! I'll never get out of here!! (sees light) Huh? Huh? (laughs hysterically. Lands back in the light) I'm FREE!! Take that, SpongeBob and Patrick!! Ahahaha!! Ahahaha!! (fist punches in air. Sees SpongeBob and Patrick) Ohh...there's no way out of here. (bubble-wipe to later. A stick is thrown at Patrick's head. Squidward has surrounded himself with sticks and a fire and is wearing a Chinese hat. He is also sitting on a rock) How's it going over their at Club Shell-For-Brains? Mmm mmm mmm. I am hungry. I wonder what's on the menu for Club SQUIDWARD tonight? (steps on bug) Aahhhhh... (throws bug onto pan then walks over to SpongeBob) Oooohh. Doesn't that smell good, SpongeBob? You haven't eaten in days. (walks over to Patrick) How about you, Patrick? A big boy's gotta eat. Well, you can't have any. (walks away) And do you know why, SpongeBob? Because your club president is a shell! (shakes butt at SpongeBob) If you had listened to me, you'd have food, shelter, and a roaring fire. But instead, you listen to a talking clam, (moves back to Club Squidward) that tells you NOTHING! As if the answers to all your problems will fall right out of the sky! Hahaha!! Fall right out of the sky! (airplane starts falling out of the sky)

Purple Pilot: Dude, we're falling right out the sky! We gotta drop the load! (other pilot presses "Drop the Load" button. Airplane drops picnic supplies (including food) to where SpongeBob and Patrick are)

SpongeBob and Patrick: (both smile) Praise the Magic Conch!! (flicking tongues around) WHOOOLOOOOLOOOOLOOOO! (Squidward stares at them. The bug gets up and hits him with the stick. SpongeBob and Patrick eat while laughing)

Squidward: Hey uhh, SpongeBob, (he now looks like a scraggy savage) that sure is a lot of food you got there.

SpongeBob: It's a gift from the Magic Conch.

Squidward: Everything sure looks delicious. Oohh! Smoked Sausages! My favorite! (reaches for them but Patrick sucks them in and eats them, accidentally sucks Squidward's nose. Frees nose) Hey, uhh, SpongeBob, you know I was just kidding before earlier and I mean I'm still part of the club and I mean the club has to stick together, and uhh, uhh...

SpongeBob: Squidward...

Squidward: Yes, SpongeBob?

SpongeBob: Once a member, always a member!

SpongeBob and Patrick: (both clink glasses) To the club! (flicking tongues around) WHOOLOOOLOOOLOOLOOOOLOOO!!

Squidward: Yeah.. Whooloolooloo.. Now if you'll excuse me... (runs to table with all the food) What should I eat first? The spaghetti, the turkey, the soup, the canned meat?

SpongeBob: Why don't you ask... the Magic Conch, Squidward?

Squidward: Oh, yeah, like that'll happen. Right after I consult the Magic Toenail. (SpongeBob and Patrick pull table away)

SpongeBob: (gasps) Squidward, are you questioning the authority of the Magic Conch? The conch is the one who gave us this banquet.. This copyrighted conch is the cornerstone of our organization!

Patrick: (whispers) Maybe he's not a brother. (SpongeBob looks at Patrick wide-eyed)

Squidward: Heheheh...you guys have it all wrong!! I love this little piece of plastic. (picks up Magic Conch) Hello there. Uhh, Magic Conch, I was wondering...should I have the spaghetti or the turkey?

Magic Conch: Neither.

Squidward: Oh. Well what about the soup?

Magic Conch: I don't think so.

Squidward: Can I have anything to eat?

Magic Conch: No.

Squidward: No?! What do you mean no? I'm starving here!

Patrick: (takes Magic Conch) Here, lemme try. Magic Conch...can Squidward have some of this yummy-delicious-super-terrific sandwich?

Magic Conch: No.

Patrick: Hmm.. Can I have some of this yummy-delicious-super-terrific sandwich?

Magic Conch: Yes.

Patrick: Alright! (vacuums in sandwich. Belches) Sorry Squidward.

Squidward: Give me that! (takes Magic Conch) Can I have something to eat?

Magic Conch: No.

Squidward: Can I have something to eat?

Magic Conch: No.

Squidward: Can I have something to eat?

Magic Conch: No.

Squidward: Can't you say anything else but no?<

Magic Conch: Try asking again.

Squidward: Can I have something to eat?

Magic Conch: No. (Squidward fumes. His eyes become bloodshot and veins appear in his face. He shakes his head in fury)

SpongeBob: Squidward, are you alright? (Squidward is still getting mad)

Patrick: Maybe we should ask the shell if he's OK.

Rescuer: Hello? Anyone there? Hello? HELLO? Do you folks need some help? (cuts through kelp, seeing SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward, close up shows them as scruffy castaways)

Squidward: I'm SAVED! (runs over to Rescuer) You don't know how happy I am to see you. I've been stranded out here for weeks.. with these two barnacle heads, and their Magic Conch Shell!

Rescuer: Magic...Conch...Shell? (pulls out Magic Conch) YOU MEAN LIKE THIS? (he now has two big teeth)

SpongeBob and Patrick: The Magic Conch! A club member!

SpongeBob, Patrick, and Rescuer: (flicking tongues around) WHOOLOOOLOOOLOOOLOOOO!

Squidward: (close up shows him looking at the Rescuer in shock, mumbling in disbelief) A brother?

Rescuer: The Magic Conch told me to come and save you guys!

SpongeBob, Patrick, and Rescuer: Hooray for the Magic Conch!

Rescuer: Alright Magic Conch. What do we do now?

Magic Conch: Nothing.

SpongeBob, Patrick, and Rescuer: All hail the Magic Conch! (they sit down doing nothing. Squidward moves behind them)

Squidward: (weakly) All hail the Magic Conch. (sits down with SpongeBob, Patrick, and the Rescuer)


Transcripts Episodes
Season 1 Season 1
Season 2 Season 2
Season 3 Season 3
Season 4 Season 4
Season 5 Season 5
Season 6 Season 6
Season 7 Season 7
Season 8 Season 8
Season 9 Season 9
Season 10 Season 10
Season 11 Season 11
Season 12 Season 12
Season 13 Season 13
Season 14 Season 14
Season 15 Season 15
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