Editing Episode Transcript: Night Light

(episode begins with SpongeBob reading a novel at night in his house)

'''SpongeBob''': (reading) "And slowly, ever so slowly, the ancient crypt door creeps open from the festering brine of the darkest darkness, crawled forth monsters of such vile nature, whose appearance was so hideous and threatening, that the author died trying to recount them in this novel!" (closes the book and shudders) That story is so scary! But it's only a story, right, Gary? (Gary is literally stiff with fear. He quakes and falls on his side. Picks him up and puts him into his bed next to him) Why don't you sleep up here tonight, Gary? (gets no response) Well, I guess I should turn off the light now. (does so) Sure is dark. (sees a green monster with its brain protruding from his head in the dark. Gasps, screams and turns the light back on to reveal his inflatable raft chair) Oh, it's just a chair! I guess I'm imagining things in the dark. (turns off the light and hears a knocking on his window. Turns to it and sees that there's a shriveled green claw knocking) Whoa! Another monster! (turns on his light to reveal it's a green coral branch floating in the current) Oh, it's just a coral branch. Nothing to be scared of! (hears a creaking sound as if his door had opened) What was that? (turns the light on and off multiple times, seeing monsters over and over as we fade to black. Cut to the next day, at the Krusty Krab)

 

'''Mr. Krabs''': Hey, Squidward have you seen SpongeBob? (at that moment a very drowsy and tried SpongeBob walks in. Cut to a close-up of his 5 o'clock shadow, bloodshot eyes, and droopy nose) Whoa. You don't look so good, laddie.

 

'''SpongeBob''': Oh, it's nothing, Mr. Krabs. I just had a rough night. But it's nice and bright today! (walks into the kitchen and we hear a big clatter from outside. Mr. Krabs bursts through the kitchen door)

 

'''Mr. Krabs''': Meandering mermaids! What's all this racket boy? (SpongeBob is running around in circles with a pot on his head)

 

'''SpongeBob''': (screams) The dark! Get it off! Get it off! Get it off! Get it off! Get it off! Get it off! (Mr. Krabs pulls it his head)

 

'''Mr. Krabs''': Get a hold of yourself, boy. (SpongeBob is silent, but then blinks and screams repeatedly) What is it now, boy?

 

'''SpongeBob''': (blinks and screams again) Whenever I blink, I see nothing but the darkness!

 

'''Mr. Krabs''': Then don't blink.

 

'''SpongeBob''': Great idea, Mr. Krabs. (puts two french fries between his eyelids to prop then open) Yes, it's working... (his eyes are unable to function properly and shut. The french fries snap and go flying. Screams)

 

'''Mr. Krabs''': SpongeBob, that's enough! We've got 15 orders to fill! Now go in the cooler and get some fresh patties.

 

'''SpongeBob''': You want me to go in there? (points to the freezer seen in [[SB-129]], [[Nasty Patty]] and [[The Original Fry Cook]]. It is dark, and frost drifts out. The camera pan in on the darkness, and Tom Kenny's head appears, holding a flashlight up to itself and laughing while making an irritated expression. It seems to swirl around the door frame. Screams and clings to the kitchen ceiling. Mr. Krabs pries him off and pulls him down)

 

'''Mr. Krabs''': Now, look here. Your work is starting to affect me profits. You need to get some shut-eye. Why don't you get yourself a night light?  

 

'''SpongeBob''': Night light?

 

'''Mr. Krabs''': Yeah, boy! It'll keep your room lit, so you won't be scared stiff!

 

'''SpongeBob''': Great idea, Mr. Krabs. (bubble-wipe to that night. Browses Barg'N Mart wearing his green pajamas and nightcap) Night light, night light... Oh! (sees a whole wall of them in different shapes and colors at the end of an aisle. Sees one that he likes in particular) Oh, it's beautiful! (walks up to the cashier, who is a purple, female fish with blonde hair and her employee vest over her pajamas) Excuse me! Are these night lights guaranteed to keep the creepy creatures to the dark away?

 

'''Debbie''': If I answer "Yes," will you leave the score sooner? (bubble-wipe to SpongeBob's house the same night. He plugs the night light into the outlet and it illuminates the room slightly with a blue color)

 

'''SpongeBob''': Now that I can see.. . (jumps up and floats into bed) Woo-hoo! I can sleep! (yawns and pulls over the covers. But suddenly, he screams again) I wonder what's in my dark scary-looking bathroom! (screams again and returns to Barg'N Mart, then screams some more) Night light! Night light! (Debbie is shown sipping coffee as SpongeBob panics and darts to the back of the store. Then, he runs, night light in hand. Leaves a dollar on the counter) Oh, thank you, thank you! (at home, he plugs it in and sighs with relief. Screams, seeing that his closet is dark. Runs back to Barg'N Mart and we see the same shot as earlier. Runs home and puts a night light in his closet, but notices that his hallway is dark. Repeatedly runs to and from Barg'N Mart. Back at home, he is plugging in the rest of the night lights) There, there, there, and there. (plugs one into an outlet in his medicine cabinet, another under his fridge, a third one in his toilet, and even one in the back of Gary's shell) I've been needing to change your tail light anyways, Gary. (giggles. His whole living room is now covered with a wall of millions of night lights) Now there's not one square inch of dark!

 

'''Gary''': Meow.

 

'''SpongeBob''': What was that, Gary?

 

'''Gary''': Meow.

 

'''SpongeBob''': You're right, Gary! I've got darkness inside of me! (turns on two flashlights and sticks them in his eye sockets. Outside, his whole house seems to be glowing orange from all the lights. The glowing pineapple wakes Patrick up, and he walks outside)

 

'''Patrick''': SpongeBob's having a party without me? (walks over to SpongeBob's house and knocks on the door) Hmph! Throw a party without your best friend? Oh, we'll just see about that. (SpongeBob opens the door and yanks Patrick inside)

 

'''SpongeBob''': That was close, Patrick! You're safe under these night lights. But you can't go out in the dark, buddy! You don't know what kind of creepy critter could be lurking in those shadows!

 

'''Patrick''': Oh! (starts shuddering, and runs out. SpongeBob follows, but gets bounced back be the door, into his chair beside Gary)

 

'''SpongeBob''': Wait, Patrick! (hears a thundering sound and the ground shakes] What is that, Gary? (Patrick's rock smashes through the wall and he slides it into SpongeBob's house. Gary climbs on the armrest of SpongeBob's inflatable chair that he's in as it's pushed into the other wall, where it pops. SpongeBob runs over to Patrick, who is panting and out of breath) Patrick, what are you doing?!

 

'''Patrick''': Oh! I had to move my rock out of the dark and into the light.

 

'''SpongeBob''': You know what that means? (somersaults into the air and dies a flip. Lands on a neon light that reads "Sleepover". Confetti sprinkles from the roof, and SpongeBob's tongue rolls out like a noisemaker] Sleepover! (jumps down, two sleeping bags in hand. Bows and presents one to Patrick) Your sleeping bag, sir.

 

'''Patrick''': Thank you, my good man. (both unroll theirs in a regal manner, hop inside each of theirs, and dance to a sea shanty. When they're done, they laugh)

 

'''SpongeBob''': Oh, Patrick! I'm so glad you made that gaping hole in the wall, letting in all t-t-t-t-t-t...

 

'''Both''': The dark! (they both scream and jump out of their sleeping bags. They stand on the other side of Patrick's rock, away from the hole, and under the lights. Meanwhile, at Squidward's house, the light reflects off of his picture frame, his vanity-dresser mirror, his hand-held mirror, and his sky roof window, where it shines down on his eyes, covered by a sleeping mask. The light laser burns his eyes to a crisp)

 

'''Squidward''': (screams) Burning! (cools his eyes with his glass of water on his nightstand. Through his singed, blackened, and charred eyes, he looks out the window to see SpongeBob and Patrick. Back at SpongeBob's house, SpongeBob and Patrick cling to each other, quivering and shivering)

 

'''SpongeBob''': The darkness, Patrick. I can feel it. Like it's creeping up on us... (Squidward darts in front of them)

 

'''Squidward''': What are you two whimpering about? (SpongeBob and Patrick scream. Patrick jumps into SpongeBob's mouth for protection) It's me, Squidward, you idiots! (Patrick pops out of SpongeBob's mouth)

 

'''Patrick''': Hi, Squidward!

 

'''Squidward''': Listen, you guys. I don't care or want to know what you do in your spare time. But could you turn off all these lights?

 

'''SpongeBob''': But Squidward, without our night lights, the creepy creatures of the dar-

 

'''Squidward''': Oh, SpongeBob, there are no creepy creatures of the dark. It's all in your imagination. (starts nearing the exit when Patrick drags behind him, tugging on the back of his nightgown)

 

'''Patrick''': No, Squidward! Don't go out in the dark! (the back of Squidward's nightgown tears off) Oh, why won't he listen? (cries over SpongeBob's shoulder. SpongeBob consoles him by giving him a pat on the back)

 

'''SpongeBob''': Patrick, what if Squidward's right? What if all this is all in our imagination?

 

'''Patrick''': Well, in that case, we'll need even more lights!

 

'''SpongeBob''': You said it, Pat! (they run outside and return with a huge neon sign)

 

'''Patrick''': Quick! Turn it on, SpongeBob! (does so. The sign reads "[[Pinky's Dance Studio]]" and has mechanical swaying legs with fishnet tights on) More lights! (they run out and return with a spotlight. Patrick shines it on his face, which causes it to become all crusty and starts to crumble) Now, SpongeBob! More lights! (they run to a lighthouse and Patrick tips it over onto SpongeBob. They carry it into SpongeBob's house through the hole Patrick made and slide it onto Patrick's rock. The whole house is elevated because of this. Eventually, it snaps in half and the bottom half lands like normal. Cut to Shady Shoals Rest Home, where Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy sit on a couch watching television. Barnacle Boy has dozed off)

 

'''Fish #1''': (on TV) The battery-operated spoon has saved me so much time.

 

'''Mermaid Man''': (sighs) This is what passes for info-tainment these days? (sees the "M" light in the air and mistakes it for the "MermaSignal") Sweet mother of Neptune's mother! Look, Barnacle Boy! A call to action! To the Invisible Boat Mobile! (bubble-wipe to SpongeBob's house)

 

'''Patrick''': More lights, SpongeBob! More lights! (they crash into Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy)

 

'''SpongeBob''': Mermaid Man?!

 

'''Patrick''': Barnacle Boy?!

 

'''SpongeBob''': Aww... Are you here to protect us from the darkness that surrounds us?

 

'''Mermaid Man''': We don't have time for your childish games! We're responding to the distress signal that you sent!

 

'''SpongeBob'''': I'm sorry, Mermaid Man. There appears to be a misunderstanding. Patrick and I put up those lights to scare away the creepy creatures of the dark! We weren't trying to summon you.

 

'''Mermaid Man''': Oh, fiddlesticks, SpongeBob. Do you know how hard it is in our... advanced age... to move? Don't shine a giant light in the sky unless theres a real emergency. (cut to a super villain dressed like a white moth. He cackles, and flutters towards SpongeBob's house) And another thing: What the--?! (sees the Moth) Dear Neptune! It's the most dangerous and foreboding of all our arch nemeses — My mortal enemy whom I have searched 57 years for! Come get some, fiend! (the Moth kicks Mermaid Man in the nose, and it throbs and swells) Come back here, rival! (becomes weary and heroically naps on Patrick's rock)

 

'''SpongeBob''': Oh my gosh! Mermaid Man needs assistance! There is no need to fear, AbsorboPants is here! (the Moth flies towards the lighthouse, and SpongeBob runs up it, too. The Moth cackles)

 

'''The Moth''': Savory light, come to me!

 

'''SpongeBob''': Say, let me help you! (grabs the Moth and locks him inside of the lighthouse window with the light beacon. The Moth flutters around frantically and screams) Is that enough light for you? (laughs, then jumps down to the heroes and Patrick) Well, he's all taken care of.

 

'''Mermaid Man''': Who?

 

'''SpongeBob''': The Moth, silly! Your archenemy. You'll be happy to know he won't be going anywhere anytime soon! (at that moment, the Moth pushes up on the lighthouse and flies away, taking SpongeBob's house with him)

 

'''The Moth''': See you in another 57 years! (laughs wickedly as he flutters away)

 

'''Mermaid Man''': No!

 

'''Barnacle Boy''': I think it's time to go home, Mermaid Man.

 

'''Mermaid Man''': Why are we here again?

 

'''SpongeBob and Patrick''': Bye, Mermaid Man & Barnacle Boy!

 

'''Mermaid Man''': Who are those to hideous creatures of the dark?

 

'''Barnacle Boy''': (yawning) I'll tell you about it in the morning. Now, drive! (Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy zoom off in the Invisible Boat Mobile)

 

'''SpongeBob''': We're all alone, Patrick. No lights. No shelter. (both start sobbing. Soon, however, it is dawn and the sun rises)

 

'''Patrick''': Huh? SpongeBob, there's a really big light! I'll go get it, buddy! (runs up a beam of light to the sun)

 

'''SpongeBob''': Pat! Pat, nooo... (yawns and falls asleep on Patrick's rock. Patrick comes down from the sun, his rear end flaming)

 

'''Patrick''': (screams) Too much light! Too much light!