Episode Transcript: Single Cell Anniversary

(Episode opens on a shot of the Chum Bucket. Camera cuts to interior of Plankton's lab. Karen is attached to the wall in this episode. Camera zooms in on a small entrance with a button, outlet, and miniature coat hanger by it. The panel covering the entrance slides up, revealing an exhausted Plankton wearing a hat and carrying a briefcase. He enters the Chum Bucket and the panel automatically closes.)

Plankton: (sighs)

(Plankton walks over to the coat hanger, about to hang his hat)

Karen: (speaking right when Plankton grabs his hat, causing him to grow frustrated) Plankton, is that you? Welcome home, honey.

Plankton: (mutters to himself as he hangs up his hat and puts down his briefcase)

(When Plankton removes his hat, a green odor is shown to be coming from him. It begins approaching three holes in the ceiling right above Karen's monitor.)

Karen: How was your day? (smells the odor through the holes in the ceiling and coughs as an alarm) Dear Neptune, Plankton! (closes the holes in the ceiling) What is that smell?!

Plankton: The aroma you speak of, Karen, my computer wife, is the stench of failure!

(The word "failure" comes out of Plankton, along with the continuous odor)

Stench: (in a whispering tone) Failure...

Plankton: And now the smell of defeat so deeply penetrates my soul that my very skin is permeated with its foul stench. (sighs and starts walking away, then pauses and speaks in a sarcastic tone) Thanks for asking. (starts walking away again)

Karen: Well, it smells horrible! You're not coming in here smelling like that! (grabs Plankton with one of her robotic arms)

Plankton: Hey! What are you--?

(Karen holds Plankton up to an air duct which vacuums off his skin, leaving him looking like he normally does, except his color is pink and he's in his underwear. Plankton looks at himself and, seeing he's naked, screams an unusually high-pitched scream and covers himself. Karen begins moving Plankton somewhere else.)

Plankton: Stop that at once! You--!

(Karen puts Plankton into a bucket of water which rests next to a mop, creating a large splash and several bubbles. She takes him out.)

Plankton: (gasps for water) I command you to--!

(Plankton's words are made incomprehensible when Karen puts him back in the bucket a second time. She takes Plankton out again and, with another robotic arm of hers, holds up a scrub brush.)

Plankton: (moves his legs around like he's trying to run away) Oh no!

(Karen scrubs Plankton with the brush and puts him in the bucket of water a third time. When she takes him out once again, she blows a hair dryer at Plankton while he screams. She grabs a new pair of skin for Plankton which is on a rack among other pairs and puts it on him while he sits on a stool. Karen holds up a mirror for Plankton and buffs him up with pink powder, creating a large cloud of dust which blocks the view of the camera. When the dust clears, Plankton is clean and has a SpongeBob-like look on his face.)

Karen: There you go. Now don't you feel better?

Plankton: (looking in the mirror) Although I do look ravishing, it's not enough to mask the ugliness I feel inside.

Karen: Did I miss a spot? (scrubs the inside of his mouth with the scrub brush)

(Plankton is very frustrated now, and begins to grow veins on himself.)

Karen: Don't blow a gasket, dear. Today's a special day!

Plankton: (as his veins disappear) Special day?

Karen: Yes. We're celebrating your biggest accomplishment ever!

Plankton: (smiling now) Really? I accomplished something? What is it?

Karen: It has something with you asking a certain someone to spend the rest of her life with you.

Plankton: (confused) What?

(Cut to shot of just Karen)

Karen: (sighs a quick sigh and, while showing a gold ring on her robotic hand, speaks a little faster) We each wear rings in memory of this moment.

(Cut to shot of Plankton looking at a gold ring that he's wearing around his...erm...arm)

Plankton: (moves his arm behind his back and back in front of him, making the ring disappear) Enough with the riddles, woman! Just tell me what this proud moment in my life is!

Karen: Oh, you selfish, green twit! It's our wedding anniversary!

Plankton: (disappointed) Oh, that. (sarcastically and rolling around an imaginary noise maker with his finger) Yippee. (walks away)

Karen: (sobbing) You forgot! And I got you the perfect gift! (holds out a bottle with a piece of paper with a pink bow tied around it inside)

Plankton: (screeches to a halt and turns around, seeing his gift) The Krabby Patty formula!? (immediately perks up, jumps up onto the bottle and gives it two kisses) How did you get it!?

(Camera starts fading to a flashback shot of the Krusty Krab exterior)

Karen: (voiceover) First I went to the Krusty Krab...

(Camera cuts to a shot of the ordering area of the Krusty Krab. Squidward is in the boat. Karen, who is for some reason portable now, rolls on her wheels in front of it.

Karen: (in flashback) One Krabby Patty, please.

(Squidward holds out a plate with a Krabby Patty on it and Karen picks it up. She pushes what she can of it into a slot on the side of her. Displayed on her screen are the words "Secret Formula" and a picture of Krabby Patty. She sucks in the rest of the Krabby Patty, prints out a piece of paper with the formula on it, and puts it in a bottle.)

Karen: (in flashback) Thank you. (rolls away)

Squidward: (in flashback) Whatever.

(The camera fades back the present where Plankton is still kissing the bottle with the formula in it.)

Plankton: What??? Sorry. I wasn't listening. (jumps down holding the formula) Well, you can tell me later. (begins to walk away with it)

Karen: (as she takes away the bottle with the formula in it to Plankton) You're not getting this until you get me a gift.

Plankton: (groans)

Karen: From your heart.

(Plankton sighs and walks away to the entrance seen in the beginning of the episode. The door automatically opens, thus making its placement seem rather pointless. He grabs his hat from the coat hanger, gives Karen one last look, and leaves the Chum Bucket. Bubble in to a shot of SpongeBob and Squidward walking together.)

SpongeBob: And that's the story of how I got my head stuck in the fry vat. (Changes expression as if he notices something)

Squidward: That story gets better every time you tell it, SpongeBo--

SpongeBob: (lifting his hands up and knocking Squidward to the ground) Hold on! Did you hear that? It sounds like...

(We hear Plankton groaning)

SpongeBob: ...despair.

Squidward: That's probably me.

SpongeBob: No. No. Not bitterness. Despair. And it's coming from over... (turns around and points) this way. (goes down on the ground and sniffs like a dog, finding Plankton groaning) Plankton! What's wrong, Plankton?

Plankton: Wha--? SpongeBob?? Ahh...there's nothing wrong. Don't worry. (crying) I'm...fine.

SpongeBob: Come on. Tell your Uncle SpongeBob.

Plankton: Oh, it's nothing. It's just that today is my wedding anniversary.

SpongeBob: Aww...what present did you buy your wife, huh? What'd you buy her?

Plankton: Uh, I didn't buy Karen anything.

SpongeBob: (gasps) We've got a (the words appear on the screen with a heart as he says them) love emergency! (through a megaphone) Attention everyone, we've got a love emergency! (the Bikini Bottomites look at SpongeBob awkwardly) Please stand back. Love emergency. Thanks. Love emergency. Plankton, there's only one thing you need to do. You need to give her a present from (puts his hand over his heart) in here.

Plankton: What? Like a kidney?

SpongeBob: No, from the heart. That's where your love grows.

Plankton: My what?

SpongeBob: Your love.

Plankton: My luve?

SpongeBob: Love.

Plankton: Luve?

SpongeBob: Luh...vuh!

Plankton: Lum.

SpongeBob: Say it with me. L...

Plankton: L...

SpongeBob: ...uhh...

Plankton: ...uhh...

SpongeBob: ...vvvv...

Plankton: ...vvv...

SpongeBob: Llll...uhhh...vuh!

Plankton: Llll...uhhh...vuh!

SpongeBob: Thats it! you've taken your first steps into the hall of (hard to understand word). Now tell me more about your Karen (bubbles go up to change scene)

SpongeBob: (camera pans in on spongebobs house) So whats your favorite thing for you and, Karen to do together?

Plankton: Well we like to take long walks on the beach, and, uh, we like to talk about our dreams. our dreams of concurring all of Bikini Bottom and become supreme overlords of all creation and to trample our enemies beneath our feet (Plankton starts stomping his feet) BWA-HA-HA-HA!

SpongeBob: Trampling enemies (as he is writing it down of a notepad) Now, tell me about Karen.

Plankton: Well, shes a mark-2 surplus unevec with 256 Gigs of RAM oh, and theres the cutest little mole on her CPU, and the way she processes data eh-eh oooh mama

SpongeBob: Does she have any hobbies?

Plankton: uhh... well, uhh (plankton scratches his head) she does make alot of beeping sounds.

SpongeBob: Interesting, does she ever go ding!

Plankton: Now that you mention it she does go ding, at least once a day.

SpongeBob: (as he writes it down) ooh! a music lover, I think we have our solution you need to serenade her.

Plankton: who me? I can't sing.

SpongeBob: not to worry when you finish you'll be as (spongebob lowers his voice and sings) golden voiced as me.

(bubble in to SpongeBob and Plankton outside of SpongeBob's Pineapple)

SpongeBob: Now repeat after me. (singing) Me me me me me me meeeee...

Plankton: (clears throat and singing very badly) Me me me me me me me...(clears throat again)...Me me me me me...

(Cut to Squidward outside of his house drinking something in his lawn chair)

Plankton: (continued) ...me me meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee (Squidward's glass cracks) EEEEEEEEEEEEEE (it shatters and the drink splashes in Squid's face) EEEEEEEEE (cut to Sandy walking by) EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE (her helmet cracks and shatters) EEEEEEEEEEE....

Sandy: (holds her breath and runs away)

Plankton: EEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Whew!

SpongeBob: (picks up Plankton) Oh, you are ready!

Plankton: Ready? But what do I sing?

SpongeBob: Oh, when the time comes, you'll know. The music she'll love comes from inside.

Plankton: Why are you so obcessed with my internal organs?

(Bubble in to SpongeBob and Plankton walking into the Chum Bucket)

SpongeBob: This is it, Plankton.

Plankton: I don't think I'm ready.

SpongeBob: Oh, you just got butterflies in your tummy.

Plankton: No, I'm just nervous. I don't know what flying insects have to do with it.

SpongeBob: (laughs) Get in there (opens door for Plankton) and sing, you single-celled Romeo, you. (Plankton walks in) Ah, love.

Plankton: (clears throat) Karen?

Karen: Plankton? I don't see any present.

Plankton: Oh, I have it. It's right here in my kidney...I mean, my heart! (clears throat) Me me me meeee...me me meee... (pulls out maraccas and starts singing and dancing)

Oh my Karen Oh my Karen Oh...my computer wife, Karen

(Karen gets a surprised and then happy look on her face)

Put down those punch cards Put down those punch cards And listen to my ode Oh my Karen Oh my Karen Oh...my computer wife, Karen What compares to What compares to

(talking as Karen gets a surprised look on her face)

Uh...uh...eee...uh...umm...Aha!

(singing) Your beautiful diodes!

(SpongeBob and Patrick appear playing the guitar and drums respectively, both dressed in Mexican clothing)

Oh my Karen Oh my Karen Oh...my computer wife, Karen I was blinded

(SpongeBob and Patrick put their hands over their eyes)

Yes I was blinded by the light Of your cathode ray Oh, I built you

(SpongeBob screws on Patrick's head and Patrick points to it)

Yes, I built you I built you in the, uh....

(SpongeBob shows Plankton a picture of a cube with the word "cube" below it)

Um... In the shape of a cube Oh my Karen Oh my Karen You'll never know how much I love Your vacuum tubes

(Karen smiles, Plankton, SpongeBob, and Patrick bow, and the song ends)