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Episode Transcript: Krusty Krab Training Video
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Episode Article: Krusty Krab Training Video
Characters
Dialogue
Narrator: Welcome aboard. If you’re watching this video, than let me be the first to say 'congratulations'! (a rainbow with the word 'congratulations' appears) You’ve recently been hired by the Krusty Krab restaurant. (a hat, a spatula, and a bucket appear in SpongeBob’s hands) And this is your first official day of training.
SpongeBob: Can I make a Krabby Patty now?
Narrator: No, no, you’ve got a lot to learn before you’re ready to make a Krabby Patty. (SpongeBob gets mad) As you can see on this graph...
(scene cuts to animals in order: a beluga whale, seal, tiger, tortoise, aye-aye, camel, emu, ant, hedgehog, lynx, kiwi, fish, pig, lemur, horse, penguin, panda, giraffe, snake, killer whale, toucan, lobster, kangaroo, eagle, chimpanzee, elephant, frog, shark, goat, buffalo, turtle, peacock, jellyfish, zebra, flamingo, bear, sloth, hippopotamus, angelfish, cobra, butterfly, budgie, orangutan, rhinoceros, bat, otter, parrot, anteater, stag beetle, chicks, chicken, cat, dog, baboon, koala, walrus, spider, mouse and finally, lion. Narrator clears his throat) I said...graph. (a graph is finally shown. A Krusty Krab is moving up) You are now
employed by one of the most successful restaurants in Bikini Bottom. But it didn’t get that way over night... (its
nighttime) because the store closes at 6:00. (scene cuts to picture of Mr. Krabs smiling with the Krusty Krab behind him)
No, the story of the Krusty Krab is the story of one man’s hard work, perseverance, vision, determination and sweat.
(scene zooms in to one of Mr. Krabs' armpits) But mostly his sweat. (scene cuts to a Krabby Patty sliding across the
screen) From humble beginnings. (scene cuts to black and white picture of Mr. Krabs as a child, walking up to a coke
machine) You may think that Mr. Eugene H. Krabs, owner and founder of Krusty Krab Inc., has always been the financial
wizard he is today. (Mr. Krabs puts in one of his quarters then takes it out as its attacked to a piece of rope with a
hole in the quarter) And you’re right. (Mr. Krabs laughs while drinking his soda. Scene cuts to an older Mr. Krabs, in a
room with bars at the window) After the war, Krabs stayed secluded in a deep depression that seemed endless. (scene cuts
to the Krusty Krab, now a retirement home with elderly fish outside playing shuffleboard) But then his luck changed when
he acquired a bankrupt retirement home and with a few minor alterations, the Krusty Krab was newly born. (Mr. Krabs paints a
giant K, in red paint, on a sign outside. Scene cuts to a krabby patty with a light shining on it. We can see an abandoned baby in the stroller crying in the background)
Child: Hoopla!
Narrator: Sounds like a lot of...
Child: Hoopla!
Narrator: Sounds like a... (scroll over to a little kid shouting)
Child: Hoopla! Hoopla! (gets hit in the head with a brick then falls down)
Narrator: Sounds like a lot of hoopla to make over a little Krabby Patty right? (chuckles) Wrong!!!!!!!!!!!!! (scene cuts to a krabby
patty sliding across the screen again) The Krusty Krab today. (scene cuts to a series of close-ups in the restaurant.
Then scene cuts to a view of the inside of the Krusty Krab where customers are eating) To keep up with today’s demanding
customers, no expense has been spared to acquire all the latest achievements in fast-food technology.
Mr. Krabs: (holds up a spatula in his left hand) This here’s an advanced patty-control mechanism. (now standing at the
register) Here you can see our automated money-handling system. Don’t touch! (now holding ice cubes) These are high-
quality beverage temperature devices. Imported. (holds up a straw) This here’s a prototype liquid transfer machine. (puts
the straw in an orange drink and drinks it) And most importantly, (holds up some ketchup packets) You get your state-of-the-art condiment-dispersal units. Now, are you gonna buy something or just stand there cause there’s a standing fee.
Narrator: (SpongeBob is standing there when a packet of ketchup, ice cubes, a cash register, a spatula, and a straw
appear around him) All of this modernization seems a little overwhelming, doesn’t it? (the items spin around him) Well
luckily for you, Mr. Krabs' fear of robot overlords keeps the balance of technology in check. (items disappear and
SpongeBob floats to the right. The scene changes to SpongeBob standing next to Squidward near the cash register) But if
modernization is the heart of the Krusty Krab, than employees are the liver and gall bladder. (close-up of SpongeBob)
Let’s see if you got what it takes. Hmmm, poised, confidant, and a smile that says, "Hello world! May I take your order?"
You’ve got the makings of a good employee, Mr. SquarePants! But for every good employee, there is one who is not so good.
(close-up of Squidward reading his magazine) Let’s see, inattentive, impatient, a glazed look in the eyes. (close-up of
the button Squidward is wearing on his shirt) Look carefully at the "I Really Wish I Weren’t Here Right Now!" button.
There’s a name for employees like this, but we’ll call him Squidward.
Squidward: I’m getting paid overtime for this, right Mr. Krabs?
Mr. Krabs: (in his office) Sorry, can’t hear you! (scene cuts to a krabby patty sliding across the screen again)
Narrator: Training.
SpongeBob: Does this mean I get to make a Krabby Patty now?
Narrator: Oh you can’t make a Krabby Patty without understanding the phrase 'POOP'.
SpongeBob: POOP?
Narrator: Once you understand 'POOP', you’ll understand your place at the Krusty Krab. But what does POOP mean? (SpongeBob
shrugs his shoulders) It’s actually a carefully organized code. Watch closely. People Order Our Patties.
SpongeBob: Ah, POOP! (smiles with confidence)
Narrator: Looks like Mr. SquarePants understands 'POOP'. (scene cuts to a customer walking up to Squidward) Here’s a
typical customer. I wonder what he wants. Well, if we just remember POOP, we can figure it out.
Customer: I’d like to order-
Narrator: Do you think he wants to order: A: A sofa, B: An expensive haircut, or C: A patty?
Customer: -One patty please.
Narrator: Ah, POOP! You never let us down! (scene cuts to a giant krabby patty) Now that you understand POOP, I bet you
think you’re ready to make a Krabby Patty.
SpongeBob: Krabby Patty! (panting towards the krabby patty but once he gets too close, he gets splat on the screen with a
flyswatter)
Narrator: Ha-ha! Not so fast, Eager McBeaver. We haven’t even talked about: (scene cuts to a toilet) Personal Hygiene.
(toilet flushes. Scene cuts to SpongeBob in front of a sink) Every employee at the Krusty Krab must comply with a strict
set of personal hygiene guidelines. (SpongeBob turns the faucet on) Ok, Mr. SquarePants, are you ready to prepare for your
shift? (SpongeBob lathers his hands with soap) A good employee always scrubs his hand thoroughly. Be sure to get under
those fingernails. (SpongeBob nods and scrubs a bit harder) And don’t forget about the knuckles. (SpongeBob scrubs a bit
harder) And make sure those palms are squeaky clean. (SpongeBob scrubs the hardest he can) All right, let’s see those
hands. (holds up his hands but they are invisible from scrubbing so much) Now that’s thorough! (chuckles. Scene cuts to
SpongeBob’s shiny shoes) After checking to see your feet are polished, (sprays and wipes his shoes) your face is clear of
any blemishes or boils, (SpongeBob cuts his boil off with a pair of scissors) and your hair is neat and tidy, (SpongeBob
lifts up his hat, sprays a little hairspray on it to make it straight, then puts his hat back on) you are ready to start
the day. Now let’s see how Squidward prepares for his shift. (one of the bathroom stall doors opens to show Squidward
sleeping on the toilet with his magazine on his lap) Remember, no employee wants to be a Squidward! (a giant krabby patty
appears on the screen again) Now that you’re clean and hygienic, I bet you think you’re ready to make that Krabby
Patty.
SpongeBob: (yells in excitement) I’m ready! (splits into two SpongeBob’s) I'm ready!! (splits into more SpongeBob’s) I'm
ready!!!!!! (splits himself into more SpongeBob’s until the flyswatter splats all of them on the screen)
Narrator: Whoa there! We have a few more topics to cover first. (scene cuts to some vegetables, a spatula, and some
ingredients on a table) Your Work Station. (scene cuts to SpongeBob vacuuming on top of the grill) It’s important to keep your area tidy and free of droppings. But a clean workstation is only part of the job. (scene cuts to SpongeBob thinking
of a Krabby Patty in a thought bubble of his) To make the vision in your head a reality, you’ll need supplies. And a good employee always keeps his supplies well-organized. (SpongeBob opens up a cabinet, then opens the bottom drawer to reveal
a bunch of folders with names of ingredients and vegetables on there) Very good Mr. SquarePants, not a pickle out of
place. (SpongeBob peeks out the kitchen door) Now let’s see how Squidward keeps his work station. (Squidward is sleeping
with a magazine on his face. He wakes up)
Squidward: Huh? (shouts) Oh! (falls on the floor. The cash register drawer opens up and hits Squidward on the head)
Narrator: Don’t worry Squidward, Mr. SquarePants can cover for you. (scene cuts to SpongeBob standing next to the grill)
Now that your workstation is up and running, perhaps you think you’re ready to make the world-famous Krabby Patty.
(SpongeBob barks then runs around the room) (laughs) Calm down. (a bone is thrown at him then he plays with it) There’s
still plenty of time left. We have to make sure you’re ready for the psychological aspect of the job: Interfacing with
your Boss. (scene cuts to SpongeBob walking up to Mr. Krabs in his office)
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, can I have a raise?
Mr. Krabs: No.
Narrator: Good job, Mr. SquarePants!
SpongeBob: (runs up to the camera) Can I make a Krabby Patty no... (scene cuts to Patrick walking into the Krusty Krab)
Narrator: Now we go from behind the scenes to the front lines, where we’ll examine the most important aspect of the
industry the customer. Or as we say around here, the 'Krustomer'.
Patrick: (stops) Who said that? Are you a ghost?
Narrator: Like precious, precious blood in an animal, the customer is what makes the Krusty Krab strong and alive.
Patrick: Squidward, your ceiling is talking to me!
Squidward: Are you going to order something or just make friends with the paneling?
Patrick: Uhh...I’ll have an uhh...uhh...uhh...ah...) (falls asleep and drools til Squidward snaps his fingers causing him to wake up) What’s that?
Squidward: Patrick, go be stupid somewhere else.
Narrator: Ah-ah-ah, Squidward, remember what Mr. Krabs says.
Mr. Krabs: The money is always right!
Patrick: The ceiling is right Squidward, you’re not a very good employee.
Squidward: Fine. May I please take your order?
Patrick: I’ll have uhh...ah... (drools again as Squidward gets angry)
Narrator: We’ll check up on these two later. (scene cuts to a siren) Right now, it’s important that we discuss an
emergency situation! (scene cuts to SpongeBob standing by a krabby patty looking around for something) Like the lost gold
of Atlantis, many consider the Krabby Patty to be a treasure. And as with every treasure, there’s a thief ready steal it.
So it’s up to you to be the watchful eye of... (the krabby patty moves as metal legs come out of it and it walks off) What’s this? (Plankton is on the patty) It’s Mr. Krabs' business partner, Plankton!
Plankton: Eat my microscopic dust, Krabs! Your secret formula is finally mine! (scene cuts to SpongeBob with a face of shock)
Narrator: He’s stealing the formula! What are you going to do, Mr. SquarePants? (SpongeBob screams and runs around the
restaurant. Mr. Krabs walks up to Plankton as he and the patty are going really slow)
Plankton: You’ll never catch me, Krabs, not after I switch into maximum overdrive! (whips the krabby patty into going
faster) Hi-ya! (mechanical legs whirring. Mr. Krabs grabs the patty) I knew I should have gotten the turbo. (SpongeBob is
still screaming and knocking over tables and chairs) Hear me Krabs! You’ll take this Krabby Patty from me when you pry it
from my cold, dead... (Mr. Krabs picks up Plankton, who is now squeaking. He flicks him back to the Chum Bucket)
Narrator: And so, another emergency is avoided, thanks to Mr. SquarePants. (scene cuts to Squidward and Patrick) Let’s
check in on Squidward again. Psst, Squidward.
Squidward: Huh?
Narrator: Just remember: POOP.
Squidward: Patrick, if I could make a suggestion. Why don’t you just order a Krabby Patty?
Patrick: Great idea, Squidward! One Krabby Patty, please.
Squidward: (sighs) Will that be here or to go. (closes his mouth but Patrick is confused again. Squidward bangs his head
on the register)
Narrator: Hang in there Squidward, it’s all part of the job. (scene cuts to a shot of the Krusty Krab training manual) Now that you’ve learned the basics of your training, it’s time for the moment you’ve been waiting for! (a blue screen appears with the krabby patty slowly coming closer to the screen. The narrator is making noises resembling dramatic music) Preparing the Krabby Patty! (scene cuts to SpongeBob bowing down to a poster of a Krabby Patty) At the center of every great dynasty is the crown jewel that keeps it alive and thriving. (SpongeBob crawls to the poster) For the Krusty Krab, this is the Krabby Patty. (SpongeBob licks the patty that is on the poster) And now you, the humble employee off the street, the ever-so- necessary human resource that keeps this business afloat, will learn the sacred and dark secrets of how to prepare, with your very own hands... (SpongeBob gasps) the sumptuous, lip-moistening, spine-tingling, heart-stopping pleasure center that is a Krabby Patty! Are you ready? (SpongeBob nods) Are you sure? (SpongeBob nods his head harder and his head tears in half) Ok! The secret formula is...(cuts off before he can say what it is)
