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Episode Transcript: Bummer Vacation
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Episode Article: Bummer Vacation
Characters
Dialogue
(at the Krusty Krab)
Mr. Krabs: Squidward! SpongeBob! Just put me out of my misery.
SpongeBob: Why, Mr. Krabs? What could be wrong on this fine day?
Mr. Krabs: Fine?! (grabs SpongeBob’s mouth and ties it up) Today's not the day for that word, boy. Not after I received this
letter from the Fry Cooks Union. It says here fry cook SpongeBob SquarePants has accumulated too much vacation time. And if
you don't take some time off, I'll have to pay a fine. (cries)
SpongeBob: Time off?
Mr. Krabs: Oh, I guess there's no other way to say this...SpongeBob, take a vacation.
SpongeBob: Aye aye, Mr. Krabs. (runs out)
Mr. Krabs: Well, that went better than expected.
SpongeBob: (running down the street) I'm ready, vacation. I'm ready, vacation. Vacation. Vacation. (enters his house) Hey,
Gary.
Gary: Meow?
SpongeBob: That's right, Gary, I am home early. I'm on vacation. Well, good night, Gary. (walks into his bed and closes his
eyes for no more than two seconds before his alarm goes off. Scene cuts to him lifting his weights, eating cereal,
flossing, showering, then putting on some spray to make him shine. He grabs his hat then walks into the Krusty Krab) Good
morning, Krusty Krew! Hello, Squidward.
Squidward: SpongeBob, you were on vacation.
Mr. Krabs: (stops SpongeBob) He was and is. I told you to take a vacation, boy.
SpongeBob: What's a vacation?
Mr. Krabs: Well, a vacation is when you don't come into work.
SpongeBob: (gasps) No work?! But what'll I do all day?
Mr. Krabs: Oh, I dunno. Just go have fun or whatever. I really don't care. Ya just can't be here.
SpongeBob: But who will fry the patties and clean the grill while I'm gone? Squidward can't do it all alone.
Squidward: Nor will I.
Mr. Krabs: That's why I've hired an unpaid intern as your temporary replacement.
Patrick: (walks in) Good morning, boss. I'm ready for my first day.
Mr. Krabs: Speaking of starfish, here's your replacement right here.
SpongeBob: Replacement?
Patrick: Hi, SpongeBob.
Mr. Krabs: That's enough banter on my dime.
Patrick: Ok, boss.
Mr. Krabs: Wait a second, Patrick. You'll need the right tools for the job. (takes SpongeBob’s hat and spatula and gives it
to Patrick)
Patrick: Wow. (notices his reflection in the spatula) Huh! They put a tiny me in the belly scratcher. (scratches his belly
and his back) Wow. It scratches backs, too!
Mr. Krabs: Ah, take it from me, SpongeBob. Just go on home. Enjoy your vacation.
SpongeBob: I really should tell Patrick the proper patty-flipping technique. (Mr. Krabs shuts the doors in SpongeBob’s face.
Scene cuts to inside SpongeBob’s house)
Gary: Meow.
SpongeBob: I'm on vacation, Gary. I'm not allowed to go to work. (stomach growls then shrinks. SpongeBob gasps) My stomach
has receded! Mr. Krabs said I couldn't work at the Krusty Krab. He didn't say I couldn't eat there. This is my ticket back
inside! (scene cuts to Krusty Krab)
Squidward: Go away, SpongeBob. You're ruining my vacation...from you.
SpongeBob: I'm not here to see you, Squidward.
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, do we have to go through this again?
SpongeBob: I'm here as a customer not as an employee. Just gonna grab a Krabby Patty with Patrick.
Mr. Krabs: Alright, but lunch only. If you so much as touch a spatuler, you'll be vacationing in Davey Jones' locker.
SpongeBob: You have my word, sir. No working. (enters kitchen) Hey Pat, it's time for your lunch... (screams as he sees
Patrick putting patties, attached to his body, on the grill) Patrick, you can't do that!
Patrick: Huh?
SpongeBob: You need to turn up the grill to exactly 298 degrees Fahrenheit. (turns the knob to the right from 297 to 298.
Takes Patrick's spatula) Patrick, this is no way to treat a Krabby Patty.
Mr. Krabs: (storms into the kitchen) SpongeBob! What did I tell you about working?
SpongeBob: Wait, it's not what you think.
Mr. Krabs: (wheels SpongeBob on a dolly) Out you go, boy.
SpongeBob: But my knowledge could help Patrick maintain the high standards of the Krusty Krab.
Mr. Krabs: We've got it all under control here. I don't want to see hide or tail of ya 'til your vacation is over. You got
that?
SpongeBob: Yes, Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: Well, boy... (launches SpongeBob off) off ya go! And don't come back 'til it's over. (scene cuts to SpongeBob
entering his house)
SpongeBob: Oh, what to do, what to do. I know just the thing to get the spirits up. The official Krusty Krab playset. (sits
down in front of a toy Krusty Krab with Krusty Krew figures. Opens it up)
Squidward: (SpongeBob imitating him) SpongeBob, I need 20 Krabby Patties on the double, please.
SpongeBob: Sure thing, Mr. Squidward, sir. 20 Krabby Patties coming up.
Mr. Krabs: (SpongeBob imitating him) SpongeBob, what are you doing here? You're gonna cost me some loot if you don't get
your square keister home. Out, out, out until your vacation is over. (takes SpongeBob’s Krusty Krab hat off. SpongeBob walks
home, sad)
SpongeBob: (walking inside his pineapple) Oh, what to do on this boring vacation. Hey, I know just the thing to get the ol'
spirits up. (plays with a smaller Krusty Krab playset)
Squidward: (SpongeBob imitating him) I need 20 Krabby Patties, please.
SpongeBob: Sure thing, ol' buddy, ol' Squid. 20 Krabby Patties coming...
Gary: Meow.
SpongeBob: You're right, Gary. It is unhealthy to think of the Krusty Krab while I'm on vacation. I need to get out of the
house. (scene cuts to Krusty Krab where Squidward is washing windows until he sees SpongeBob)
Squidward: Uh, Mr. Krabs, he's out there again.
Mr. Krabs: I'll deal with this. Boy, you're on Krusty Krab property. Back it up. (SpongeBob steps backwards) Further. (steps
backwards more) Further. (steps backwards more) Further. (steps backwards more) Further. (steps backwards until he is in
front of his house) That'll do.
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs is right. In order to enjoy my vacation, I need to stay away from work. Physically and mentally. (looks
at his net) Hey, that reminds me of... (his net turns into a spatula. Pretends to grill but stops) Hold it right there, Mr.
WorkaholicPants. You're on vacation. You just need to sit down and relax. (floats onto the ground) That's more like it.
Just sit back and watch the clouds. (watches a cloud go by) That one's a jellyfish! (another cloud goes by) That's a pirate
ship. (another cloud goes by) And that's low salt ketchup...whoa! Low salt ketchup? (scene cuts to Krusty Krab where a
delivery truck backs up. SpongeBob, in a disguise, walks up to the kitchen door) Got your steaming, hot bun delivery here.
(another delivery truck backs up. A delivery fish gets out with the same buns on a plate)
Delivery Fish: Huh? What's the big idea, here? (SpongeBob laughs nervously then gets booted out. Scene cuts to the phone
ringing inside the Krusty Krab. Patrick answers)
Patrick: Hello? Hello? Hello? (SpongeBob slips through phone cord and through Patrick's head but gets shot out of the
Krusty Krab, through the doors. Scene cuts to the Krusty Krab restroom where Patrick is cleaning out his ear) Huh, I didn't
even know I had an ear. (notices water splashing out from the toilet behind him) Hey, I just cleaned that one.
SpongeBob: Patrick, shhh.
Patrick: It talks! Ahh! (runs out)
SpongeBob: Somebody help me, I'm stuck. (Mr. Krabs walks up) Mr. Krabs! Thank Neptune it's you. I'm in a bit of a fix here.
(Mr. Krabs grabs a cord above the toilet) Mr. Krabs? (Mr. Krabs flushes the toilet) No! (gets flushed down the toilet. Scene
cuts to SpongeBob jumping out of a customers shirt and into the grease fryer in the kitchen)
Mr. Krabs: Now what? (picks up the fryer) Tsk, tsk, tsk. (puts SpongeBob in his boat out back) I've had enough for one day,
son. (drives off)
SpongeBob: Thanks for the ride home, Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: Not a problem at all, me boy.
SpongeBob: Just take the next right. (Mr. Krabs drives past his house) Mr. Krabs, we just passed the turn off.
Mr. Krabs: Uh-huh.
SpongeBob: My house is back that way, Mr. K.
Mr. Krabs: Far out, little man. Far out. (drives into a forest and stops)
SpongeBob: Where'd you say you were taking me?
Mr. Krabs: Look boy, (takes out a spatula) I brought your spatuler. (SpongeBob glares at the spatula and acts like a dog)
C'mon, boy, get it. Get the spatuler. Go get it! (throws the spatula into the forest. SpongeBob chases after it while Mr.
Krabs turns around and drives off) Enjoy your vacation, boy!
SpongeBob: It's not fair. Why would Mr. Krabs try so hard to get rid of me. I'm only on vacation. Unless, it's a...
(gasps) ...permanent vacation. That's it! Mr. Krabs wants to replace me. Oh, I should've known. Patrick's had his eye on my
job all along. He's been scheming. They think I'm outdated. They think I'm all washed up. Well, I'll show them. (scene cuts
to Patrick running down the street to his rock)
Patrick: Working at the Krusty Krab. Making Krabby Patties all day. Flipping Krusty Krab working patties krab...uhh, that's a hard song to remember. (opens his rock and jumps in) Huh?
SpongeBob: (sitting in the corner of Patrick's rock) Who do they think they are? I gave the best years of my life to this place and they think they can just fire like that? Like trash? I don't think so.
Patrick: SpongeBob? Is that you?
SpongeBob: (turns around with an evil look on his face) I've been waiting for you, Patrick. (walks towards Patrick, growling, then shows live animals, an elephant herd, a woodpecker pecking, an anteater sticking out its tongue and ants cutting down a tree.)
Patrick: SpongeBob, you're scaring me, stop it. Ahh! (SpongeBob laughs maniacally and closes in around Patrick. Scene cuts to Krusty Krab)
Squidward: What will it be?
Customer: One Krabby Patty, please.
Squidward: One shell on a shingle. (many orders come out)
Mr. Krabs: Well, I'll be...Patrick! Your cooking's improved one-thousand fold. Congratulations, boy, you've finally got the
hang of it. What the...!? (Patrick turns around but it's SpongeBob in a Patrick costume) SpongeBob? No wonder. Patrick could never flip that many patties in an hour. What happened to that feller, anyway?
SpongeBob: Oh, I told him to stay home and watch television. (Patrick is sitting at home watching a broken TV)
Mr. Krabs: Why'd you do it, laddy?
SpongeBob: (starts to cry) Oh, Mr. Krabs, I love the putrid grease of the Krusty Krab so bad, I just couldn't stay away.
Mr. Krabs: You don't have to. (takes out a calendar) Your accumulated vacation time is used up. (tears up calendar) The
union can't fine me, anymore.
SpongeBob: You must've saved a fortune.
Mr. Krabs: Bumping barnacles, yes. (laughs and holds up a dime) There she is.
SpongeBob: Wow! That's more than I make in a year.
Mr. Krabs: Don't be askin' me for a raise. Just get back to work.
SpongeBob: (jumps out of the Patrick costume) Yippee! I happily acquiesce.
