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Transcript: The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie
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Episode Article: The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie
Characters
Dialogue
Pirate #1: I got it! I got it! I got it!
Pirate #2: Dinghy ahoy.
Pirate #3: Dinghy off the port bow. Dinghy off the port bow! Dinghy off the port bow! Dinghy off the port bow. Captain, dinghy off the...Dinghy.
Pirate #1: I got it! I got it.
Captain: Where is it?
Pirate #2: It's right here, captain.
Captain: I never thought I'd see it with me own eye. Tickets to The SpongeBob Movie! (The pirates cheer and they sail to the movie theater, singing the SpongeBob SquarePants theme song)
Pirates: Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? SpongeBob SquarePants Absorbent and yellow and porous is he? SpongeBob SquarePants If nautical nonsense be something you wish? SpongeBob SquarePants Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish? SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePa-nts! (The pirates hog the snack bar and get some popcorn. They rush into the theater room, where the movie starts)
French Narrator: The sea. So mysterious, so beautiful. So... wet. Our story begins in Bikini Bottom's popular undersea eatery - the Krusty Krab restaurant, where...
Mr. Krabs: Back up. Back up. (waves arms to back off at reporters/citizens)
Fish #1: Hey, wait a minute.
Fish #2: What is happening?
Mr. Krabs: Please settle down. (Referring to the Krusty Krab) We've got a situation in there. I'd rather not discuss till me manager gets here.
Fish: Look, there he is. (A limousine drives up)
(SpongeBob climbs out of the limousine. He walks toward the Krusty Krab.) Talk to me, Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: It started out as a simple order: a Krabby Patty with cheese. When the costumer took a bite, no cheese!
SpongeBob: Get ahold of yourself, Eugene. I'm going in. (goes into the Krusty Krab)
SpongeBob: Take it easy, friend. I'm the manager of this establishment. Everything's gonna be just fine.
Phil: I'm really scared here, man.
SpongeBob: You got a name?
Phil: Phil.
SpongeBob: You got a family, Phil? (Phil begins to cry) Come on, Phil, stay with me. Let's hear about that family.
Phil: I got a wife and two beautiful children. That's what it's all about.
SpongeBob: I want you to do me a favor, Phil.
Phil: What?
SpongeBob: Say cheese. (SpongeBob carefully lifts the bun and puts some cheese under. He then comes out of the Krusty Krab with Phil in his arms) Order up.
Mr. Krabs: Three cheers for the manager! Hip! Hip! Hip! Hip! Hip! Hip! Hooray! (All of this is then shown to be a dream. SpongeBob is woken up by his alarm clock)
SpongeBob's Bedroom
SpongeBob: Gary, I had that dream again. And it's finally gonna come true. Today. Sorry about this, calendar. Because today is the grand-opening ceremony for The Krusty Krab where Mr. Krabs will announce the new manager. Who's it gonna be, Gary? Well, let's ask my wall of consecutive employee-of-the-month awards. (Camera pulls up, revealing many "employee of the month" portraits)
SpongeBobs on portraits: SpongeBob SquarePants.
SpongeBob: I'm ready. Promotion. (Brushes his teeth and washes up) Cleanliness is next to manager-liness. (Goes outside and runs around in circles) I'm ready. Promotion. I'm ready. Promotion.
Squidward's Bathroom
(Squidward is taking a bath and singing. SpongeBob is now there and singing, too. Squidward hears him, turns around, and covers himself with the shower curtain)
Squidward: SpongeBob! What are you doing in here?
SpongeBob: I have to tell you something, Squidward.
Squidward: Whatever it is, can't it wait until we get to work?
SpongeBob: There's no shower at work.
Squidward: What do you want?
SpongeBob: I just wanted to say i'll be thanking you in my managerial acceptance speech today.
Squidward: Get out! (Throws him out the window)
SpongeBob: Okay. I'll see you at the ceremony. (Runs into Patrick, who comes out of his rock)
Patrick: That sounds like the manager of the new Krusty Krab. Oops. Hold on. (Realizes that he doesn't have his shorts on. Rock closes up, with Patrick on it. Then it opens up again. Patrick now has his shorts) Congratulations, buddy.
SpongeBob: Oh, thanks, Patrick. And tonight, after my big promotion, we're gonna party till we're purple.
Patrick: I love being purple!
SpongeBob: We're going to the place where all the action is.
Patrick: You don't mean...?
SpongeBob: Oh, I mean. Goofy Goober's Ice Cream Party Boat! (Rock closes up on them, and opens up a few seconds later. They now have Goofy Goober hats, and a record begins playing on a record player beside Patrick)
Patrick and SpongeBob: Oh, I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah. You're a Goofy Goober, yeah. We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah. Goofy, goofy, goober, goober, yeah.
SpongeBob: (Looks at his watch) I'd better get going. I'm ready. Promotion. I'm ready. Promotion.
Patrick: Good luck, SpongeBob. Hey, look for me at the ceremony. I got a little surprise for you. I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah.
Outside the Krusty Krab
Perch Perkins: Hello, Bikini Bottom! Perch Perkins here, coming to you live from in front of The Krusty Krab restaurant, for years the only place to get a delicious and mouthwatering Krabby Patty. Until today, that is. That's right, folks. Longtime owner Mr. Krabs is opening a new restaurant called The Krusty Krab 2. First of all, congratulations, Mr. Krabs. (Krabs has a big grin on his face)
Mr. Krabs: Hello. I like money.
Perch Perkins: What inspired you to build a second Krusty Krab right next door to the original?
Mr. Krabs: Money.
Plankton: (He is looking out the window of the Chum Bucket) Curses! It's not fair. Krabs is being interviewed by Perch Perkins, and I've never even had one customer!
Karen: Don't get worked up again, Plankton, I just mopped the floors.
Plankton: Oh, Karen, my computer wife, if only I could have managed to steal the secret to Krabs' success, the formula for the Krabby Patty. Then people would line up to eat at my restaurant. Lord knows I've tried. I've exhausted every evil plan in my filing cabinet...from A to Y.
Karen: A to Y?
Plankton: Yeah, A to Y. You know, the alphabet.
Karen: What about Z?
Plankton: Z?
Karen: Z. The letter after Y.
Plankton: (Searches through cabinet) W, X, Y, Z. Plan Z! Here it is, just like you said. Oh, boy. It's evil. It's diabolical. (Sniffs it) It's lemon-scented. This Plan Z can't possibly fail! (Goes outside) So enjoy today, Mr. Krabs, because by tomorrow, i'll have the formula. Then everyone will eat at the Chum Bucket, and I will rule the world! All hail Plankton. All hail Plank...! (SpongeBob runs by and accidentally steps on him)
SpongeBob: I'm ready. Promotion. I'm ready. Promotion. I think I stepped in something.
Plankton: Not in something, on someone, you twit.
SpongeBob: Sorry, Plankton. (Pulls him off his shoe) Are you on your way to the grand-opening ceremony?
Plankton: No, I am not on my way over to the grand-opening ceremony. I'm busy planning to rule the world!
SpongeBob: Well, good luck with that. (Runs off) I'm ready. Promotion. I'm ready. Promotion.
Plankton: Stupid kid.
Outside the Krusty Krab 2
Mr. Krabs: Welcome. Welcome, everyone, to the grand opening of The Krusty Krab 2.
Mrs. Puff: (only lines) We paid $9 for this?
Sandy: I paid $10
Mr. Krabs: Now, before we begin with the ribbon-cutting, I'd like to announce the name of our new manager.
SpongeBob: Yay! Yeah! Yeah! Now we're talking! Yeah!
Mr. Krabs: Yes. Well, anyway...The new manager is a loyal, hard-working employee.
SpongeBob: Yes.
Mr. Krabs: The obvious choice for the job.
SpongeBob: He's right.
Mr. Krabs: A name you all know. It starts with an S.
SpongeBob: That's me. Mr. Krabs: Please welcome our new manager...Squidward Tentacles.
SpongeBob: Yes! Yeah! (Shaking Squidwards hand) Oh, better luck next time, buddy. Yeah! All right! (Grabbing the Micriphone) People of Bikini Bottom, as the manager of...
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: Hold the phone, folks, I'm getting an important news flash from Mr. Krabs. Go ahead, Mr. K. (Mr. Krabs wisperes into his ear. He tells him that he's making a jackass of himself) I'm making a complete what of myself? (Mr. Krabs wispers again) The most embarrassing thing you've ever seen? (Mr. Krabs wispers again) And now it's worse because I'm repeating everything you say into the microphone?
Mr. Krabs: Oh, for crying out loud, SpongeBob, you didn't get the job.
SpongeBob: What?
Mr. Krabs: You did not get the job.
SpongeBob: But... But why?
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, you're a great fry cook, but I gave the job to Squidward because being manager is a big responsibility. Well, let's face it, he's more... mature than you.
SpongeBob: I'm not... mature?
Mr. Krabs: Lad, I mean this in the nicest of ways, but there's a word for what you are, and that word is... now, let's see...
Fish: Dork?
Mr. Krabs: No, wait, that's not right. Not a dork.
Pearl: A goofball? (This is, in fact her only line in the movie)
Mr. Krabs: Closer, but no, no, no.
Fish: A ding-a-ling.
Fish: Wing nut.
Old Female Fish: A Knucklehead McSpazatron.
Mr. Krabs: Okay, that's enough. Look, what I'm trying to say is, you're just a kid. And to be a manager, you have to be a man. Otherwise they'd call it "kid-ager. " You understand-ager? I mean, you understand?
SpongeBob: I guess so, Mr. Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob?
(SpongeBob walks away)
SpongeBob: I'm ready. Depression. I'm ready. Depression.
Mr. Krabs: Poor kid.
(Patrick suddenly appears flying on a banner naked with a GO SPONGEBOB flag in his butt.)
Patrick: Hooray for SpongeBob! Hooray for SpongeBob! Let's hear it for SpongeBob!
(Patrick accidently hits the stage which sets on fire. Everyone except for Patrick runs away.)
Patrick: Hello? Where'd everybody go? Did I miss something? Did you see my butt?
French Narrator: Later that evening...
Plankton: Time to put Plan Z into effect. Starting at the undersea castle of King Neptune. (We see Neptune's castle)
Inside Neptune's Castle
Neptune: (He is sitting in his throne by his daughter Mindy, who is sittinng in another throne) Oh, right. The royal court is now in session. Bring the prisoner forward. (Guards do so. He then asks the prisoner a question) So you have confessed to the crime of touching the king's crown?
Prisoner: Yes, but...
Neptune: But what?
Prisoner: But it's my job, Your Highness. I'm the royal crown polisher.
Neptune: Well, then I guess I can't execute you. Twenty years in the dungeon it is.
Mindy: Daddy. (Frees the crown polisher) You're free to go.
Crown Polisher: Bless you, Princess Mindy. (Walks away)
Mindy, how dare you defy me.
Why do you have to be so mean?
I am the king. I must enforce the laws of the sea.
Father, I wish you'd try a little love and compassion
instead of these harsh punishments.
That would be nice.
Squire, clear the room.
I wish to speak to my daughter alone.
What is this, Mindy?
- Your crown? - And what does this crown do?
- Covers your bald spot. - It's not bald, it's
thinning.
This crown does much more than cover a slightly receding hairline.
No, this crown entitles the one who wears it to be in charge of the sea.
One day, you will wear this crown.
I'm gonna be bald?
Thinning!
Anyway, the point is, you won't wear it
until you learn how to rule with an iron fist.
Like your father.
Dad, your "crown"...
What the...?
My crown!
Someone has stolen the royal crown!
I got it. I got it.
Hey, all you Goobers, it's time to say howdy
to your favorite undersea peanut, Goofy Goober.
Howdy, Goofy Goober!
Hey, fellow Goofy Goobers. Time to sing.
Oh, I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah You're a Goofy Goober, yeah
We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah Goofy, goofy, goober, goober, yeah
All right. Get it together, old boy.
I know. I'll just stop thinking about it.
Hey, you know, I actually feel a little better.
I don't even remember why I was sad.
Hey, it's the new Krusty Krab manager.
Wow, the pressure's already setting in.
No, Pat, you don't understand.
I didn't get the promotion.
What? Why?
Mr. Krabs thinks I'm a kid.
- What? That's insane. - I know.
Well, saying you're a kid, it's like saying I'm a kid.
- Here's your Goober Meal, sir. - I'm supposed to get a toy with this.
Thanks.
I'm gonna head home, Pat. The celebration's off.
- Are you sure? - Yeah. I'm not in a Goober mood.
Okay, see you.
And here's your Triple Gooberberry Sunrise, sir.
Triple Gooberberry Sunrise, huh?
I guess I could use one of those.
Now you're talking.
Hey, waiter, we need another one over here.
There you go.
Boy, Pat, that hit the spot.
- I'm feeling better already. - Yeah.
Waiter, let's get another round over here.
Oh, Mr. Waiter. Two more, please.
Waiter.
Oh, waiter.
Waiter.
Waiter.
- Waiter! - Why do I always get the nuts?
All right, folks, this one goes out to my two bestest friends
in the whole world:
Patrick and this big peanut guy.
It's a little ditty called...
..."Waiter!"
Hey. Hey, get up.
Hey, come on, buddy. I wanna go home.
Come on, pal.
Oh, my head.
Listen to me. It's in the morning.
Go scrape up your friend and get going.
My friend?
Patrick. Hey, what's up, buddy?
Wait, you said : .
I'm late for work. Mr. Krabs is gonna be...
Mr. Krabs.
Now, pay attention, Squidward.
As new manager, you've gotta keep a sharp eye out for paying customers.
Yawn.
What's this? King Neptune is riding toward The Krusty Krab at lunchtime.
He's got money.
Stay in the coach, daughter. This won't take long.
Daddy, please. I think you're overreacting.
Silence, Mindy. I know what I'm doing.
- Squire. - Yes, Your Highness.
Have this pole executed at once.
A hundred and one dollars for a Krabby Patty?
With cheese, Mr. Squidward, with cheese.
Greeting, subjects.
I seek the one known as Eugene Krabs.
May he present himself to me at once.
I'm Eugene Krabs, Your Highness. Would you like to order something?
Nay! I'm on to you, Krabs!
You have stolen the royal crown, you cannot deny.
For, clever as you are,
you left one damning piece of evidence at the scene of the crime.
"I stole your crown. Signed, Eugene Krabs. "
Relinquish the royal crown to me at once.
But... But this is crazy. I didn't do it.
Ahoy, this is Eugene Krabs. Leave a message.
Hi, Mr. Krabs. This is Clay, the guy you sold Neptune's crown to.
Yeah, I just wanted to say thanks again for selling me the crown.
Neptune's crown. I sold it to a guy in Shell City,
and I just wanted to say thanks again for selling me the crown.
Neptune's crown.
Which is now in Shell City. Goodbye.
Don't you just hate wrong numbers?
My crown is in the forbidden Shell City?!
Plan Z. I love Plan Z.
Prepare to burn, Krabs.
Wait, Neptune. Please, I'm begging you.
I ain't a crook. Ask anyone, they'll vouch for me.
Very well, then.
Before I turn this conniving crustacean into fishmeal,
who here has anything to say about Eugene Krabs?
I've got something to say about Mr. Krabs.
SpongeBob, me boy, you've come just in time.
- Pardon me, miss. - Please, tell King Neptune
all about me.
I have worked for Mr. Krabs for many years
and always thought he was a great boss.
You see? A great boss.
I now realize that he's a great big jerk!
I deserve that manager's job!
But you didn't give it to me, because you say I'm a kid.
Well, I am 100-percent man!
And this man has got something to say to you.
There. I think I made my point.
Anyone else?
No? Well, then.
Me pants are on fire!
Me underwear's on fire!
I'm on fire!
Oh, yeah.
And now, Eugene Krabs, you will...
Wait.
I'm flattered you would do this on my account,
but being manager isn't worth killing Mr. Krabs over.
Quiet, fool! Mr. Krabs stole my crown, and now it's in Shell City.
- That's why he must die. - Doesn't it seem a little harsh
to kill someone over a crown?
You don't understand. My crown is a symbol of my king-like authority.
And between you and me...
...my hair is thinning a bit.
Oh, Your Highness, I'm sure it's not that notice... Bald. Bald.
- Bald! Bald! - Bald! Bald!
My eyes!
All right, all right.
King Neptune, sir?
Would you spare Mr. Krabs' life if I went to get your crown back?
You, go to Shell City?
No one who's gone to Shell City has ever returned.
What makes you think you could? You're just a kid.
But I'm not a kid. I can do it.
Run along, I have a crab to cook.
No! I won't let you.
Very well, then.
I'll have to fry you both.
Daddy, stop it.
Can't you get through one day without executing someone?
Mindy. I told you to stay in the carriage.
Where's your love and compassion?
Look at this little guy.
He's willing to risk his life to find your crown and save his boss.
- But, daughter, I... - Please, Father?
At least let him try. What have you got to lose?
Might I remind you of your special problem?
- Bald! Bald! Bald! - Bald!
- Bald! Bald! - My eyes!
All right.
Very well, Mindy.
I'll give him a chance.
But when your little champion fails to return,
I get to splatter this crab all over the walls.
And as for you, be back here with my crown in exactly ten days.
- He can do it in nine. - Eight.
- Seven. - Six.
- Patrick! - Patrick!
Six it is, then.
- Five. - Patrick, shush.
Until then, the crab shall remain frozen where he now stands.
No, wait. I'm begging you.
Who turned on the AC? Mr. Krabs!
Oh, no, this is terrible.
Who's gonna sign my paycheck?
Come along, Mindy.
Listen, you guys, the road to Shell City is really dangerous.
There's crooks, killers and monsters everywhere.
And what's worse, there's a giant Cyclops
who guards the outskirts of the city and preys on innocent sea creatures.
Don't let him catch you, because if he does,
he'll take you back to his lair, and you'll never be seen again.
She's purty, SpongeBob.
Here, take this.
What's in here?
It's a magical bag of winds.
Mindy: I stole them from my father.
Patrick: (To Mindy) You're hot.
Mindy: Once you find the crown, open the bag of winds and you'll be blown back home.
Neptune: Mindy!
Mindy: I'm coming. Good luck, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: Wait. How did you know my name?
Mindy: Oh, I'm gonna be queen of the sea one day. I've learned the names of all the sea creatures.
Patrick: What's my name?
Mindy: That's easy. You're Patrick Star. (Patrick blushes from head to toe)
Neptune: Mindy! I gotta go. I believe in you guys.
SpongeBob: Thanks, Mindy. (Now to Mr. Krabs) Don't worry, Mr. Krabs. Patrick, Squidward and I...
Squidward: Pass. (He walks out the door, and leaves his hat behind)
SpongeBob: Patrick and I...
Patrick: Hi.
SpongeBob: ....are gonna get that crown back and save you from Neptune's wrath. You've got nothing to worry about. Your life is in our hands. (Mr. Krabs turns his eyes and looks at them. They are drooling, and look very stupid) Patrick, let's go get that crown.
- Feast your eyes, Patrick. - What is it?
The Patty Wagon.
Mr. Krabs uses it for promotional reasons.
Let me show you some of its features.
Sesame-seed finish, steel-belted pickles,
grilled-leather interior. And under the hood,
a fuel-injected french-fryer with dual overhead grease traps.
- Wow. - Yeah, wow.
Hey, I thought you didn't have a driver's license.
You don't need a license to drive a sandwich.
- Shell City, here we come! - Shell City, here we come!
Ding-a-ling.
Hey there, old buddy. Freeze.
One secret formula to go, please.
No, no, don't trouble yourself. I'll get it.
Well, I'd like to hang around, but I've got Krabby Patties to make...
...over at the Chum Bucket.
Plan Z, I love you.
Oh, I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah You're a Goofy Goober, yeah
We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah Goofy, goofy, goober, goober, yeah
Fill her up, please.
What'll it be, fellas, mustard or ketchup?
Are they laughing at us?
No, Patrick, they're laughing next to us.
Where you two dumb kids headed, anyway?
- Kids? - Now, Patrick.
For your information, we are not kids, we are men.
And we're off to get King Neptune's crown in Shell City.
- Shell City? - Shell City?
Ain't that the place that's guarded by a killer Cyclops?
That's right.
Lloyd, take off your hat in respect.
Respect for the dead!
You two dipsticks ain't gonna last ten seconds over the county line.
Oh, yeah? We'll see about that.
Out of the car, fellas.
How many seconds was that?
Twelve.
- In your face. - In your face.
That's what I'm talking about. Yeah.
Who's the kid now?
They're dead.
Perch Perkins here with an incredible news flash.
Plankton is selling Krabby Patties at the Chum Bucket.
How is this possible? Let's find out.
Step right up. Plenty for everybody.
Excuse me, Plankton. Perch Perkins, Bikini Bottom News.
- Can I get a minute? - Anything for you, Perch.
All of Bikini Bottom wants to know, how did you get the Krabby Patty?
Well, Perch, before my dear friend Eugene Krabs
was frozen by King Neptune...
I'm sorry.
He confided in me a secret wish.
"Sell the Krabby Patty in my absence at the Chum Bucket," he said.
"Don't let the flame die out. "
By the way, act now and you get a free Chum Bucket bucket helmet
with every purchase. Here you go, Perch.
- Thanks. - Bucket helmets for everyone!
My helmet!
Karen, baby, I haven't felt this giddy
since the day you agreed to be my wife.
I never agreed.
Evil Plan Z is working perfectly.
Nothing can stop me now.
Nothing except SpongeBob and his pink friend.
My sensors indicate that they're going after the crown.
If they make it back, Neptune might discover some fingerprints.
Tiny fingerprints.
Stubby, tiny fingerprints.
Evil Plan Z is way ahead of you, baby.
I've already hired someone to take care of those two.
He's a vicious, cold-blooded predator.
Sesame seed.
Hey, mister.
Does that hat take ten gallons?
- Going on. - Yeah. Yeah.
- Moving on. - Just keep going.
Yup.
Gonna get that crown.
Oh, yeah.
- All right. - All right.
Yeah. Victory.
- Are we there yet? - We must be close by now.
Patrick, look. We're doing great!
Shell City's only five days away.
By car.
I wish we still had our car.
SpongeBob, look.
Our car!
- The key. - Where do you think it is?
There it is, Pat. The key!
Now, how are we gonna get it?
I know. Walk in and ask him for it.
What are you looking at?
- Patrick, that's a terrible idea. - Sorry.
I know. I'll go in and create a distraction, and you get the key.
Wait. I wanna do the distraction.
Okay. I guess it really doesn't matter who does the distraction.
You see me walking back...?
Can I have everybody's attention?
I have to use the bathroom.
It's right over there.
Stupid contacts. Oh, there it is. I better go wash it off.
Patrick. You call that a distraction?
Well, I had to go to the bathroom.
Well, I got my hands dirty for nothing.
Patrick, check it out.
- Hooray! - Hooray!
- Bubble party! - Bubble party!
Hey!
Who blew this bubble?
You all know the rules!
All bubble-blowing babies will be beaten senseless
by every able-bodied patron in the bar.
That's right! So who blew it?
So nobody knows.
- Maybe it was... - Shut up!
Somebody in here ain't a real man.
You! We're on a baby hunt.
And don't think we don't know how to weed them out.
Now, everybody line up.
DJ, time for the test.
No baby can resist singing along to this.
SpongeBob, it's the Goofy Goober theme song.
I know.
Oh, I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah
You're a Goofy Goober, yeah
We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah Goofy, goofy, goober, goober, yeah
- It was you! You're the baby! - No, no! I only coughed, I swear.
DJ! Turn it up louder!
Don't sing along, Patrick.
I'm trying.
Trying so hard.
I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah
You're a Goofy Goober, yeah
We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah
Goofy, goofy, goober, goobers, yeah
Well, well, well.
Which one of you babies was it?
- It was him. - It was him.
- He did it. - He did it.
I've never even eaten at...
Goofy, goofy, goober, goobers, yeah
Well, looks like we got ourselves a double baby.
Man, that was a close call.
Guess what I got.
The key!
Outside of Squidward's House
Squidward: (Sticks his head out the window) Too bad SpongeBob's not here to enjoy SpongeBob not being here. (He sticks his head back in, gets his bicycle, and begins riding it around town)
Town
Fish: Morning. (Squidward notices he is wearing a Chum Bucket helmet)
Squidward: Some people have no taste in headgear. (Looks around more and sees everyone with a helmet, even a baby) Babies too? (Rides over to a female fish in a boat, waiting for the light to change) Excuse me, miss, but where is everybody getting that horrid headwear?
Female Fish: (She looks around) Who said that?
Squidward: Down here.
Female Fish: (After she finds Squidward) Well, I got it at the Chum Bucket. Plankton's giving them away free with every Krabby Patty.
Squidward: Chum Bucket? Free? Krabby Patty? Plankton? Giving? With?
The Chum Bucket
Squidward: (After he bursts into The Chum Bucket and finds Plankton sitting on a stool, watching everyone. Karen is beside him) So you're selling Krabby Patties, Plankton?
Plankton: That's right, Squidward. (Pulls out a helmet) And there's a free bucket helmet with every purchase. Care for one?
Squidward: No. You may have hoodwinked everyone else in this backwater town, but you can't fool me. I listen to public radio.
Plankton: And what's that supposed to mean?
Squidward: It means you set up Mr. Krabs. You stole the crown so Neptune would freeze him and you could finally get your stubby little paws on the Krabby Patty formula. (Plankton looks at his hands) It was you all along. But you made one fatal mistake. You messed with my paycheck. And I'm gonna report you to the highest authority in the land, King Neptune!
Plankton: We'll see about that, Inspector Looselips. (Presses a button on Karen)
Karen: Now activating helmet brain- control devices.
Squidward: What? (A satelite goes up, tightening up on the wearers of the helmets. First, two fish, then Mrs. Puff, then Larry the Lobster, then two rows of fish, and finally everyone else in Bikini Bottom)
Wearers of Helmets: All hail Plankton.
Squidward: (Eyes widened) What's going on here?
Plankton's Slaves (Wearers of Helmets): All hail Plankton.
Plankton: Seize him, slaves!
Slaves: All hail Plankton.
Squidward: I'm getting out of here! (Runs for the door, but more slaves burst in and corner him)
Slaves: All hail Plankton. All hail Plankton.
Squidward: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! (Slaves reach for him)
Plankton: Who can stop me now? Who?
- Come on, Pat, one more time.
- Okay.
We're on a baby hunt. And don't think we don't know how to weed them out.
"Weed them out. "
What a jerk.
The road's getting kind of bumpy here.
You know, SpongeBob,
there's a lesson to be learned from all of this.
What's that, Patrick?
A bubble-blowing double baby doesn't belong out here
in man's country.
Yeah. Wait.
We blew that bubble.
Doesn't that make us a bubble-blowing double baby?
Hey, look, free ice cream!
Oh, boy!
How you doing?
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
SpongeBob!
Yeah?
Make mine a chocolate!
Got you covered. Two, please.
Certainly.
You kids enjoy.
Actually, we're men, lady, but thanks.
Okay, Patrick, let's...
You can let go now. I said, let go, please.
What is this?
What kind of old lady are you?
Did you get the ice cream?
Step on it, Patrick!
Hey!
You may not know it, cowboy,
but we got a rule around here about blowing bubbles.
All bubble-blowing babies will be beaten senseless by every
able-bodied...
- In bar... - Bar...
Come on, kiddies, have some ice cream.
I'll let you pet Mr. Whiskers.
Jump for it, Patrick!
Well, we lost our car again.
Never mind the car, where's the road?
Road. Road. Road.
Road. Road. Road.
Road. R... Sorry.
There's the road.
On the other side of this...
...deep, dark...
...dangerous...
- Hazardous. ... hazardous...
Monster-infested.
Yeah, monster-infested...
...trench.
Hey, SpongeBob, look!
Here's the way down.
Well, we're not gonna get the crown standing here.
On to Shell City.
Hey, look, it's making noise.
SpongeBob?
' Hey, where are you going?
SpongeBob: I'm going home, Patrick.
Patrick: But what about Mr. Krabs?
SpongeBob: What about us? We'll never survive in that trench. You said it yourself, this is man's country. And let's face it, Pat. We're just...kids.
Patrick: We're not kids.
SpongeBob: Open your eyes, Patrick! We blow bubbles, we eat ice cream. We worship a dancing peanut, for corn's sake! We don't belong out here!
Patrick: We do not worship him.
SpongeBob: (Pulls down his shorts) You've been wearing the same Goofy Goober Peanut Party underpants for three years straight. (We see Patrick's underwear with the Goofy Goober on it) What do you call that?
Patrick: Worship? (Gets tears in his eyes) You're right, SpongeBob. We are kids. (Runs around)
SpongeBob: Pull your pants up, Patrick. We're going home.
Mindy: But you can't go home.
(SpongeBob and Patrick see that the voice belongs to Mindy)
Patrick: Mindy! (Struggles to put his shorts on)
SpongeBob: Mindy? How much did you hear?
Mindy: I heard enough.
Patrick: Did you see my underwear?
Mindy: No, Patrick.
Patrick: Did you want to?
Mindy: Look, guys, you may be kids, but you're the only ones left who can get that crown.
SpongeBob: What do you mean, the only ones left?
Mindy: Things have gotten a lot worse since you left Bikini Bottom. (Pulls out a magical clam, which opens up revealing Bikini Bottom now) Or should I say Planktopolis.
Slaves: All hail Plankton.
Plankton: No resting! This monument celebrating my glory isn't gonna build itself. Move faster!
SpongeBob: Oh, my gosh! Patrick, look! Plankton's turned everyone we know into slaves. Squidward. (Squidward is now Plankton's fan-waving slave) Sandy. (Sandy is running in a hamster wheel. There is a sign beside it that says: DO NOT FEED THE SQUIRREL) Mrs. Puff. (I'm not sure what she is doing) (SpongeBob gasps) Even Gary. (He is helping build the monument)
Gary: Meow Plankton.
SpongeBob: Can't your father do something?
Mindy: My father's too distracted by his bald spot to do anything. (The magical clam shows Neptune's bald spot about to be sprayed by the Squire with hair growth spray)
Neptune: Squire, will you hurry. (The Squire is nervous. He closes his eyes and sprays. Well, he accidentally sprays Neptune's eyes, which grow hair)
Mindy: (She closes the clam) So you see, you can't quit. The fate of Bikini Bottom rests in your hands.
SpongeBob: But... But we're just...
Mindy: Hey. It doesn't matter if you're kids. d what's so wrong with being a kid, anyway? Kids rule! You don't need to be a man to do this. You just gotta believe in yourself. You just gotta believe! (Swims up into the sky, then comes back down)
SpongeBob: I believe.
Mindy: That's the spirit.
SpongeBob: I believe that everybody we know is a goner! (He and Patrick begin crying)
Mindy: Come on, guys. (They don't stop) Guys. (They still don't stop) Guys? Guys? (No answer) Oh, boy. Think, Mindy, think. (Then she comes up with an idea) Yup, I guess you're right. A couple of kids could never survive this journey. That's why I guess I'll just have to turn you into men. (SpongeBob and Patrick stop crying)
You can do that? How?
With my mermaid magic.
Did you hear that, Patrick?
She'll use her mermaid magic to turn us into men!
Hooray!
We're gonna be men! We're gonna be men! We're gonna be men!
Good. Now, let's get started.
Close your eyes.
- Are we men yet? - Not yet.
Spin around three times.
I think it's working.
Good. Now, keep your eyes shut.
With my mermaid's magic
and my one tailfin,
I command the two of you to turn into men!
Open your eyes.
I don't feel any... Oh, my gosh, Patrick, you have a mustache!
So do you!
So now that you're men, can you make it to Shell City?
- Guys. - Yeah?
I said, now that you're men, can you make it to Shell City?
Heck, yeah!
- Are men afraid of anything? - Heck, no!
And why?
Because we're invincible!
- Yeah! - Yeah!
I never said that.
Yeah.
- Patrick? - Yeah, buddy?
Why did we jump over the edge instead of taking the stairs?
Bec...
Well...
- Patrick. - Are we dead?
No. Far from it, my friend.
We're safe and sound at the bottom of this trench.
The mustaches worked!
Do you know what that means?
We are invincible!
Now that we're men We can do anything
Now that we're men We are invincible
Now that we're men We'll go to Shell City
Get the crown, save the town And Mr. Krabs
Now that we're men
We have facial hair
Now that we're men
I change my underwear
Now that we're men We've got a manly flair
We've got the stuff We're tough enough to save the day
We never had a chance when we were kids
No! No! No!
But take a look at what the mermaid did
Yeah, go, Pat.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, go, SpongeBob.
Hooray!
Now that they're men We can't bother them
Now that they're men They have become our friends
Now that they're men There'll be a happy end
They'll pass the test And finish the quest for the crown
They'll pass the test
And finish the quest
They'll pass the test And finish the quest for the crown
"Shell City, dead ahead. "
We did it, Pat!
We made it past everything!
Even the hideous, disgusting monsters.
Not you guys.
You guys are awesome!
Well, Patrick, we should be there in one more verse.
- Now that we're men... - Finally.
I got you right where I want you.
Can I help you with something, sir?
Name's Dennis.
I've been hired to exterminate you.
You're gonna exterminate us?
Listen, junior,
you caught me and my friend here in a good mood today,
so I'm gonna let you off with a warning.
Step aside, and you won't have to feel
the awesome wrath of our mustaches.
You mean these?
I thought you still had a piece of salad stuck to your lip from lunchtime.
They were fake?
Of course they were fake!
This is what a real mustache looks like.
- Is he a mermaid? - All right. Enough gab.
What are you gonna do to us?
Plankton was very specific.
Plankton?
For some reason, he wanted me to step on you.
Step on us?
Yeah! That way you'll never find out that he stole the crown!
Perhaps I've said too much.
That's a big boot.
Don't worry.
This will only hurt a lot.
I love this job!
- Bigger boot! - Wait, Pat.
This bigger boot saved our lives.
Thank you, stranger.
Stranger?
It's the Cyclops!
Help us! Help us!
Save us, someone!
Are we dead?
I don't think so.
Artificially colored rocks?
I don't know where we are.
What is this?
It's some kind of wall of psychic energy.
No, Pat, it's a giant glass bowl.
Hey, there's some fish folk.
- Hey, over here! - Hey! Hey! Hey, you guys!
- You guys, hey! Help! - Hey! Help!
- A little help here! We're stuck in this... - Help us out of the tank!
Wait a second.
Those fish are dead.
What's he gonna do with us?
Oh, no, he's going for his evil instruments of torture.
Glue? Google eyes?
He's making a humorous diorama of...
...Alexander Clam Bell?
Patrick, he's killing sea animals and making them into smelly knickknacks.
And I think we're next.
- You think so? - Patrick! No!
The heat is so intense from this lamp that I can't move.
Tell me about it.
This doesn't look too good, Patrick.
You mean we're not gonna
Get the crown, save the town And Mr. Krabs?
I don't even think we're gonna be able to save ourselves, buddy.
- Thanks. - Don't mention it.
Well, it looks like what everybody said about us is true, Patrick.
You mean that we're attractive?
No, that we're just kids.
A couple of kids in way over their heads.
We were doomed from the start.
I mean, look at us.
We didn't even come close to the crown.
We let everybody down.
We failed.
Shell City.
Yeah, we never made it to Shell City.
Shell City.
Exactly, buddy.
Yeah, the place we never got to.
Shell City.
Okay, now you're starting to bum me out, Patrick.
No, look at the sign.
"Shell City. Marine gifts and sundries. "
Shell City is a gift shop?
But if this is Shell City, then where's the...?
- Crown. - Crown.
Neptune's crown.
This is Shell City.
Pat, we did make it.
Yeah, I guess we did.
We did all right for a couple of goofballs.
I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah
You're a Goofy Goober, yeah
We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah
Goofy, goofy, goober, goober, yeah
That's the end of SpongeBob.
Come here, you.
Shut up and look at the screen.
The bird's right. Look.
It be the tear of the Goofy Goobers.
Hey, we're alive.
- Let's get that crown. - Right.
On three, Patrick. Ready? One, two, three.
Hey, it's lighter than I thought.
What's happening?
I don't know. Look!
Come on, Patrick.
Let's get this crown back to Bikini Bottom.
- Do you still have that bag of winds? - I sure do.
Here you go.
What?
Nothing. Nothing.
Okay, let's go over the instructions.
Let's see, it says here, "Step one: Point bag away from home. "
- Okay. - "Step two: Plant feet firmly on ground. "
- Right. - "Step three:
Remove string from bag, releasing the winds. "
Check.
Well, that seems simple enough.
Point bag away from home, feet firmly on ground,
pull string, releasing the winds.
All right, let's do it for real.
SpongeBob?
- No, no, stop! - I was bad, I'm sorry!
- Please, bag. - I'm sorry, I just thought...
It was a mistake!
Oh, no. How will we ever get back to Bikini Bottom now?
I can take you there.
- Who are you? - I'm David Hasselhoff.
- Hooray! - Hooray!
So where's your boat?
Boat?
- Go, Hasselhoff. - Next stop, Bikini Bottom.
All hail Plankton. All hail Plankton.
Well, Krabs, you know what today is?
Sorry about this, calendar.
March .
Wait, that's not right.
It should say "The day that Krabs fries. "
Guess who's here.
Hooray for Hasselhoff! Nothing can stop us now.
Unidentified object off the hindquarters.
It looks like...
...bigger boot.
But how?
Dennis!
Did you miss me?
This is the best seat in the house.
All right, Neptune, let's get it on.
Eugene Krabs, your six-day reprieve is up,
and it is time for you to die.
Please, I didn't do it.
There is nothing else I can do.
You can give SpongeBob and Patrick a little more time.
Except give SpongeBob and Patrick a little more time...
What? Mindy, will you butt out.
I won't have you stalling this execution.
Stalling? I'm not stalling anything.
- Yes, you are. - No, I'm not.
Yes, you are. You're doing it right now.
- I'm stalling. - Yes.
- Stalling? - Stalling!
- Stalling. - Stalling!
Oh, boy.
Now, where were we?
- Patrick, run. - No.
I'm tired of running.
If we run now, we'll never stop...
Run, SpongeBob!
Take it easy back there, fellas.
SpongeBob, be careful.
Come on, kid, give it up.
Dennis always gets his man.
Never!
Yeah! I did it!
You got guts, kid.
Too bad I gotta rip them out of you.
I don't know what Plankton's paying you,
but if you let us go, I can make it worth your while.
It's gonna take a lot more than ...
- What is this? - That, sir, is five Goober dollars.
Legal tender at any participating Goofy Goober...
I got bubbles. Fun at parties.
My eyes.
I got you, SpongeBob.
Thanks, buddy.
Thanks a lot.
That's it.
I'm through messing around.
See you later, fools.
See you.
So you think...
...I'm...
...stalling.
Where am I, in Crazytown?
I have had enough of this nonsense!
You are to wait in the carriage until the execution is done.
- But, Daddy... - Now!
No, no, no!
Oh, SpongeBob, wherever you are, you better hurry.
Okay, fellas, this is where you get off. Bikini Bottom's directly below.
But we'll never be able to float down in time.
Who said anything about floating?
- Initiating launch sequence. - What the...?
- Did you see that? - The control.
All hands on deck.
Ten seconds to liftoff. Nine, eight...
Eugene Krabs, the time has come...
- No. - Yes.
...six, five...
...for you...
- No. - Yes.
...three, two...
...to fry. - No.
- Yes. - ... one.
No!
You done good, Hasselhoff. You done...
Hooray! We made it.
We made it.
Neptune:My crown! My beautiful crown!
Mindy: SpongeBob? Patrick? I knew you could do it. (Hugs them. Plankton then starts clapping)
Plankton: (Sarcastically) Oh, yes. Well done, SpongeBoob.
SpongeBob: Sorry to rain on your parade, Plankton.
Plankton: Oh, don't worry about me. My parade shall be quite dry under my umbrella! (Pulls a cord that is hanging above him)
SpongeBob, Mindy, and Patrick: Umbrella? (Turn to Neptune, who is kissing his crown. There is writing on the part of the ceiling above him. It says: King Size. It opens up, and a helmet falls out. It lands on Neptune's head. He struggles to get it off)
Mindy: Daddy, no.
Plankton: Daddy, yes. (Pulls out a remote control with only a big, red button on it. He presses the button)
Neptune: (We see Neptune still struggling. A few seconds later, he stops and says only 3 words) All hail Plankton. (Mindy, SpongeBob, and Patrick scream. Plankton's slaves burst in through the windows)
Slaves: All hail Plankton. All hail Plankton. All hail Plankton. All hail Plankton. (Patrick, Mindy, and SpongeBob back up against the wall. Neptune lights his triton)
Patrick: SpongeBob, what happened?
SpongeBob: Plankton cheated.
Plankton: Cheated? (Now to Neptune) Hold on there, baldy. (Now to SpongeBob) Oh, grow up. What, you think this is a game of kickball on the playground? You never had a chance to defeat me, fool. And you know why?
SpongeBob: Because you cheated?
Plankton: No, not because I cheated. Because I'm an evil genius. And you're just a kid. A stupid kid.
SpongeBob: I guess you're right, Plankton. I am just a kid.
Plankton: Of course I'm right. Okay, Neptune, time to kill.
SpongeBob: And you know, I've been through a lot in the past six days, five minutes, and and-a-half seconds. And if I've learned anything during that time, It's that you are who you are.
Plankton: That's right. Okay, Neptune...
SpongeBob: And no amount of mermaid magic...(Turns to Mindy)...or managerial promotion... (Turns to the frozen Mr. Krabs)...or some other third thing...can make me anything more than what I really am inside: A kid.
Plankton: That's great. Now, get back against the wall.
SpongeBob: But that's okay.
Plankton: What? What's going on?
SpongeBob: Because I did what everyone said a kid couldn't do. I made it to Shell City, and I beat the Cyclops, and I rode the Hasselhoff, and I brought the crown back.
Plankton: All right, we get the point.
SpongeBob: So, yeah, I'm a kid. And I'm also a goofball. And a wing nut. And a Knucklehead McSpazatron!
Plankton: What's going on here?
SpongeBob: But most of all, I'm...
Plankton: Okay, settle down. Take it easy.
SpongeBob: I'm... I'm...
Plankton: What the scallop?!
SpongeBob: (Bursts into song) I'm a Goofy Goober! (Plankton is flung into the wall) You're a Goofy Goober! We're all Goofy Goobers! Goofy, goofy, goober, goober! Put your toys away, well, all I gotta say when you tell me not to play, I say no way. No way! No, no freaking way! I'm a kid, you say, when you say I'm a kid I say, "Say it again" and then I say thanks. Thanks! Thank you very much! So if you're thinking that you'd like to be like me, go ahead and try. The kid inside will set you free! I'm a Goofy Goober!
Plankton: (He is recovering from being flung into the wall) What's happening? (Sees SpongeBob dancing) His dance moves are impressive, but I'm in control. (To slaves) Seize him!
Slaves: All hail Plankton. (Crowd in around SpongeBob. A few seconds later, SpongeBob bursts out in a wizard costume. He is playing a guitar, which he uses to free a fish)
Fish: (After SpongeBob zaps his helmet, and it comes off)I'm free. I've been freed!
Plankton: What? (SpongeBob zaps more helmets off) No! (More helmets come off) My precious helmets! (SpongeBob zaps the helmets off Squidward, Mrs. Puff, Sandy, and Gary)
Sandy: (last lines) Yee-haw!
Gary: (last lines) Meow.
Plankton: His chops are too righteous. The helmets can't handle this level of rock 'n' roll. Karen, do something. Karen? (Looks for her. She is surfing the crowd) All right, that's the last straw. Neptune, I command you to...(SpongeBob frees Neptune. Mindy hands him his crown)
Mindy: Here you go, Daddy.
Plankton: I better get out of here. (Runs for the door, but more freed fish burst in)
Fish: Look, it's the wizard who saved us.
Plankton: Out of my way, fools. (The freed fish ignore him and rush to see SpongeBob, running over Plankton in the process)
Outside the Krusty Krab, later
Plankton: (last lines) (He is know squished into the form of a shoe. The policemen pick him up and put him in a cage) Come on, I was just kidding. Come on, you guys knew that, didn't you? With the helmets and the big monuments...Wasn't that hilarious, everybody? (His cage is put in a police car, which drives away) I will destroy all of you! (Everyone that was watching go inside the Krusty Krab 2)
Inside the Krusty Krab 2
Neptune: Well, Mindy, I have to admit, you were right. Your compassion for these sea creatures proved a most admirable trait. Without it, I would have never again seen my beloved crown. I think you're going to make a fine ruler of the sea one day. Now, let's go home. (Turns to leave, but is stopped by Mindy)
Mindy: (last lines) Daddy, haven't you forgotten something?
Neptune: What? Oh, yeah. Eugene Krabs, I forgot to unfreeze you. (He does so, but Mr. Krabs is now a boy instead of a crab)
Krabs Boy: What the...?
Neptune: I guess I had it set to "real boy" ending. (Sets it right) He then turns Krabs back into a crab) Oh, I'm sorry for falsely freezing you, Krabs. And may I say, sir, you are a very lucky fellow to have in your employment such a brave, faithful, and heroic young lad. Where is he, anyway?
SpongeBob: I'm up here. (We see him hanging from ropes)
Patrick: (Last lines) I'm on it. (Gets SpongeBob down)
Neptune: (Last lines) Go to him now, Krabs. Embrace him. (Krabs walks over to SpongeBob)
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, me boy, I'm sorry I ever doubted ye. That's a mistake I won't make again.
SpongeBob: Oh, Mr. Krabs, you old soft-serve. (They hug)
Mr. Krabs: And now, SpongeBob, I'm gonna do something that I should've done six days ago. Mr. Squidward! Front and center, please. (Squidward comes)I think we all know who rightfully deserves to wear that manager pin. (Looks at SpongeBob)
Squidward: I couldn't agree more, sir.
Mr. Krabs: (Last lines) Hooray for SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: Wait a second, everybody. There's something I need to say first. I just don't know how to put it.
Squidward: (Last lines) I think I know what it is. After going on your life-changing journey, you now realize you don't want what you thought you wanted. What you really wanted was inside you all along.
SpongeBob: (Last lines) Are you crazy? (Grabs manager pin)I was just gonna say that your fly is down! (Squidward's eyes widen) Manager! This is the greatest day of my life! (Jumps high up into the air, nearly hitting the roof. The credits begin rolling)
The Theater
Captain: (After the movie is completely over) You know, David Hasselhoff is a great artist.
Usher: Excuse me, sir. You folks have to leave.
Captain: What? Say that again, if you dare. (Points his sword at her)
Usher: You folks have to leave.
Captain: Okay. (Him and all of the other pirates leave)
THE END
