Episode Transcript: Sweet and Sour Squid

Transcript

• Squidward: Spongebob what is that horrible racket coming back from here?

• SpongeBob: Just a little grill-side harmony. Everyone knows that cooking and music go together like eating and listening.

• Squidward: You wouldn't know what real music is if it came up and hit you in the face.

• SpongeBob: Hey that happened to Patrick once. He must've been listening to hard rock. He had a lump on his head-

• Squidward: I don't care! If you want to hear what real music sound like then listen to this. Hey give it back. I was just reaching my coda.

• Mr. Krabs: Yeah well your coda is affecting me quota. The shrill piercing racket of your fish flute is frighting away me money.

• Squidward: Fish flute?

• Mr. Krabs: Well I don't know. That's what they used to call it back in the-

• Squidward: None of you simpletons would recognize what real musical talent if it came up and kicked you in the face!

• SpongeBob: Hey that happened to Patrick once too! He-

• Squidward: None of you know a great musician can hear him! Not a single one of you! Not even even- oh there's nobody there.

• Plankton: He's still doing it Karen. He's- Karen?

• Karen: Who's doing what now?

• Plankton: The skinny one. He's been ranting and raving in front of the krusty krab for the past half-hour waving his arms and jumping around like an animal. Oh he stopped now. He's just broken down on the ground crying. Karen. Karen for the first time it's hit me!

• Karen: What the door on your way out?

• Plankton: No computer-brain. The skinny one may have been the gateway to the secret formula all along. As a veteran employee he must know the secret formula too.

• Karen: I warn you against it.

• Plankton: Too late!

• Squidward: Who said that?

• Plankton: Down here! I am just an innocent passerby who felt the need to stop and tell you what a magnificent garden you have.

• Squidward: Oh really?

• Plankton: Yes.

• Squidward: Well let me tell you something mister. I know exactly who you are and why you're here.

• Plankton: You do?

• Squidward: You will not tell me to eat at the chum bucket no matter how big the discount is.

• Plankton: Well that's not exactly why I-

• Squidward: Shameless. You again?

• Plankton: I hope you don't mind me painting on your property but the light here it's simply transcendent this time of day.

• Squidward: Why yes it is isn't it?

• Plankton: Yes it- not buying that one either huh?

• Squidward: Nope.

• Plankton: Hey buddy! Squidward! Free cleaning service? Census taker. Good day kind sir. Would you like to buy some gil scout cookies? Ow!

• Karen: Plankton what are you doing?

• Plankton: There's nothing a little duct tape and surgical tubing can't accomplish. Ow! I knew I should've use pipe cleaners. Hello I'm your long-lost relative. Can I have the secret formula? Well that's a fine way to treat a family member.

• SpongeBob: Hi Plankton. Nice dress.

• Plankton: Out of my way spongebrain.

• SpongeBob: I overheard you and Squidward playing doorslam and I wanted to see if I could get in to the next round. Don't cry Plankton. Doorslam is easy to play. Hard to master.

• Plankton: None of my tantics are making any impression on him whatsoever.

• SpongeBob: Well let's see. If you really want to impress Squidward try talking to him about music.

• Plankton: Music?

• SpongeBob: Yeah especially his favorite kind of music his own.

• Plankton: Oh is that right?

• Squidward: Not again.

• Plankton: Wait don't irrigate me. I've come to hear your music. It soothes the place my soul would occupy if I had one.

• Squidward: Are you sure you got the right squid?

• Plankton: I've never been sure of anything but I am sure of this: play for me. Fill my ear sockets with the strains of your sweet sweet magic.

• Squidward: Finally someone actually appreciates my brilliance. I will play for you my tiny cyclops. I will play such that Neptune himself will hear me upon his very throne or whatever chair he's sitting on.

• Plankton: Uh-oh. I mean goodie.