Episode Transcript: Kracked Krabs

Characters:
SpongeBob
Mr. Krabs
Penny Pinchers

Dialogue

(First scene at Krusty Krab)

Squidward: SpongeBob, one extra large order of sea fries.

SpongeBob: Aaaaaaannnndddd...

Squidward: Please.

SpongeBob: Well, that wasn't so hard, was it?

Squidward: Yes. Yes it was.

SpongeBob: (Snaps finger) One large sea fries coming up! (Walks to a bag full of sea taters and picks it up. Pours the taters into his holes then walks back. Strains himself and the fries comes out of him and into the frier. SpongeBob bonks himself in the head and one more comes out) (frier goes DING!) Eeeeeee! (Picks up fries and places them on the container. Gives them to Squidward)

Squidward: One large sea fries. Extra weird.

Mr. Krabs: (A mega phone appears) SPOOOOONGEBOOOOOOB!!! (SpongeBob's facial parts fall out) Report to me office.

(Cut to Mr. Krabs's office)

Mr. Krabs: Now listen up, son. I called ye here on the official Krusty Krab business. Every year, me fellow cheapskate krabs meet and discuss new ways of being stinky in the workplace. But more than that, they bestow the award for Cheapest Krab. And this year, (holds up paper) I've been nominated!

SpongeBob: (Reads paper) (gibberish)...Krabs...(gibberish)...nominated...(gibberish)...award...award?

Mr. Krabs: So I'll be outta town for the awards ceremony. And yer coming with me.

SpongeBob: Rooooooaaaaaddddd... trip!

(They exit the Krusty Krab)

Mr. Krabs: Now, this trip... I'm gonna teach ye all the cheapskate knowledge like you were the son I've never wanted!

SpongeBob: Ooh! Can I call you Daddy?

Mr. Krabs: No.

SpongeBob: Pa?

Mr. Krabs: No.

SpongeBob: Pops?

Mr. Krabs: No.

SpongeBob: Papa?

Mr. Krabs: No.

SpongeBob: My own man?

Mr. Krabs: No.

SpongeBob: Daddy-kins?

Mr. Krabs: Maybe.

SpongeBob: Krabby Joe?

Mr. Krabs: (Slaps his head) Ooh! No! Now, this'll be a great learning experience for you, so keep yer brain peeled!

SpongeBob: (peels his head off, revealing his brain) Can do, Mr. Krabs!

Mr. Krabs: And in the tradition of the event, we are required to travel cheaply, and I'm gonna teach ya the cheapest way to do it!

(Cut to a hotel where all the cheapskates are meeting)

(A mailman walks to a person at the front desk and carries an envelope, which is somehow heavy. He drops it on the table and leaves. Mr. Krabs comes out of the envelope with his suitcases, then he gets SpongeBob out)

Mr. Krabs: Attention cheapskate attendees! I, Eugene Krabs, have only spent on me travel, the price of a one-cent stamp! (The krabs start cheering) Thank you! Thank you! I'd like to see someone top that! (Suddenly, his blue suitcase starts shaking, and out comes another krab)

Mr. Krabs: (Gasp) Fancy McGee?!!?

Fancy McGee: Thanks for letting me hitch your ride, Mr. Krabs! I didn't have to spend a penny on travel!

The krabs: Oooh! (One of them says, "Snap!" and snaps his finger)

Fancy McGee: (To SpongeBob) Better wish him luck, kid. He'll need it. (Leaves)

SpongeBob: Good luck, Mr. Krabs- (Mr. Krabs grabs his mouth)

Mr. Krabs: Come on. (Leaves)

(Cut to hotel room door)

(An employee carries their bags to their hotel room)

Employee: Your room, sir. (Holds out hand)

Mr. Krabs: You see that, laddie? That outstretched hand is one of the biggest dangers to becoming a true cheapskate: (whispers) He wants a tip.

SpongeBob: (Whispers) What's a tip?

Mr. Krabs: It means he wants money for nothing. (pulls out a quarter with a string attached to it) So watch closely. (Drops it on employee's hand) There ye are, lad.

Employee: Wow. A quarter. You sir are a real cheapskate.

Mr. Krabs: Why, thank you! (Employee walks away) Now watch closely, boy! You give it a little lean, and then... snatch it back! (The quarter flies away from the employee's hand)

Employee: Oh. Like I haven't seen that gag ten times today. (quarter flies back to Mr. Krabs's hand, who laughs)

Mr. Krabs: Go ahead! Give it a try!

SpongeBob: Aye aye, sir! (pulls out another quarter with string attached) Here you are, sonny! A nice, shiny- (turns to see another employee, who is very big and ugly) quarter.

Big Employee: Grrrrrr. (SpongeBob gives it to him. He grapples tightly onto the quarter, then leaves)

Mr. Krabs: Go on boy! The quarter's getting away!

(SpongeBob pulls the string, but actually lures the big employee back to him. He falls on him. The big employee gets up, and SpongeBob is stuck to his butt)

Mr. Krabs: Quit foolin' around! I got an award to win! (He pulls SpongeBob out and leaves)

SpongeBob: My quarter! (the big employee leaves with the quarter stuck to his butt)

(They walk into a room full of cheapskate krabs who are chatting)

Mr. Krabs: Hi, fellers! (He laughs, the crowd laughs, and SpongeBob attempts to laugh like them)

One of the krabs: Ye still know the cheapskate handshake?

Mr. Krabs: Of course. (They start the handshake)

Both: Penny pinchin', penny pinchin'. (They take turns picnching each other's butts, then they act like chickens) Cheep cheep cheep! (They peck the ground, then sighed)

Mr. Krabs: I'd like to introduce me fellow fry cook, SpongeBob. I've been giving some pointers.

Krab: Ah! Training in the cheapskate arts, eh? Yer learning from the master, kiddo!

SpongeBob: I cook Krabby Patties.

Krab: Yes. Sure you do. Later, Krocs!

Mr. Krabs: Lad, you're surrounded by stingy wisdom, so try to pick up some pointers. But whatever you do, don't lend anyone money. (He sees SpongeBob lending money to a krab)

SpongeBob: Twenty five, twenty six- (They both see Mr. Krabs. The krab then walks away with the cash)

Mr. Krabs: Let's mangle.

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