Episode Transcript: Krusty Krushers

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Episode Article: Krusty Krushers

Characters

Dialogue

Perch Perkins: Perch Perkins here and coming to you live from the Bikini Bottom Wrestling Royal Rumble Free for All. (Mr. Krabs comes up)

Mr. Krabs: Free?! Gimme, gimme, gimme! (He runs around, holding out and pinching his claws) Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme! (He becomes aware that there is no money in the building) Gimme. Gimme? Gimme? (He goes back to Perch) Uhh... what do I get?

Perch Perkins: Heh, heh. Well, what you get is the most anticipated event of the wrestling season. (shows tough guys lined up) Hundreds of wrestlers from around the world face off against the heavyweight champs. (shows the heavyweight champs)

Wrestlers #1 and #2: (both roar)

(Wrestler #1 punches Wrestler #2 in the stomach repeatedly and Wrestler #2 rips Wrestler #1 in half using his knee and crowd is shocked)

Wrestler #2: (roars and throws the 2 pieces of Wrestler #1 onto the ring floor)

(Wrestler #1 gets up, looking unharmed)

Wrestlers #1 and #2: (both roar again, then slowly breathe in and out)

Perch Perkins: Anyone who can defeat these giants will earn the championship title.

Mr. Krabs: (yawns) Big deal.

Perch Perkins: And the million dollar cash prize.

(The wrestlers are next to a green bag with a dollar sign on it. Wrestler #2 has his foot on it)

Mr. Krabs: Million... dollars... cash... prize?! (rips off his shirt and screams then goes to back of line) Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme!

(The fight bell rings and a man detaches the red rope holding the line of contestants back only to get stomped on as they run towards the arena)

Mr. Krabs: Money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money! (the line crashes into the wrestlers) Money, money... (hears contestants getting beaten up by the wrestlers) (nervously) Money...money...money. (stops as the rest of the line advances) Money?

(A medical crew comes and takes out the people in a ball)

Mr. Krabs: Ohhhhhh. (He quivers and looks upon the stage)

(A pile of contestants is on the ring floor as Wrestlers #1 and #2 slowly breathe in and out again)

Person: My leg! My leg.

(A janitor sweeps the pile from the ring)

Mr. Krabs: No living soul should have to suffer through what I've witnessed here today. Except maybe...

(Later, SpongeBob and Patrick run to the stage blindfolded and excited and they both laugh. Mr. Krabs guides them with a leash)

SpongeBob: Where are you taking us, Mr. Krabs?

Patrick: (at same time) Where, where? (they continue to laugh)

(Mr. Krabs releases the leash)

Mr. Krabs: Now go get them!

SpongeBob: What do you think the surprise is, Patrick?

Patrick: I don't know. What do you think it is?

SpongeBob: I don't know. What do you... (They both run into the wrestlers) Ohhh. Whatever it is, it's really big.

Patrick: (pops out from Wrestler #2's chest hair) And hairy.

Wrestler #2: (picks up and breathes on SpongeBob who coughs every time he gets blown on)

SpongeBob: And it smells angry.

Patrick: Is it time to look yet?

SpongeBob: You peek first.

Patrick: No, you peek first.

(Wrestlers #1 and #2 grin at each other. Wrestler #2 squeezes SpongeBob until his eyeballs pop out and see the wrestlers and Wrestler #1 does same to Patrick. Their blindfolds are now their headbands for the rest of the episode)

Both: (scream and get out of the wrestlers' hands and run behind Mr. Krabs)

SpongeBob: Hey, who are those guys, Mr. Krabs? They look like they wanna hurt us.

Mr. Krabs: What? Those 2? Ah, they're harmless. It's all just part of the act.

SpongeBob: The act?

Mr. Krabs: Of course. They're just pretending.

Patrick: Pretending?

Both: We like pretending.

Mr. Krabs: (laughs) Don't we all?

Patrick: Can we wear costumes?

Mr. Krabs: Eh... sure.

Patrick: (turns to show his butt) Hey, SpongeBob, how do I look?

SpongeBob: Wow. Looks like those Iron Bun workout videos are really paying off.

(Cuts to Patrick at home doing his bun workouts)

Woman on Exercising Video: And 2, and 3, and 4 steps closer to your dream body.

(Cut to Patrick sleeping and still doing the exercise)

Patrick: I can even do it in my sleep.

(Scene cuts back to the wrestling arena)

SpongeBob: Wow! Can we have cool nicknames too?

Mr. Krabs: Ohhhhhh, fine. (pointing at SpongeBob) You're the, uh, Short Order Boy, (pointing at Patrick) and he's the, uh, Pink Patty.

SpongeBob: And together we are...

Mr. Krabs: The Krusty Krushers. Now go out there and wrestle me up a million dollars!

(They both fly into the ropes because of the force of Mr. Krabs' yell and bounce off)

Both: (they laugh)

SpongeBob: This is going to be so fun. Yeah!

Patrick: Whoo!

SpongeBob: Yeah!

Patrick: Whoo!

SpongeBob: Yeah!

Patrick: Whoo!

SpongeBob: Yeah!

Patrick: Whoo!

SpongeBob: Okay, we're ready.

Announcer: (looks at watch) Huh? Oh, yeah. Al, send the mike down. We got fresh meat.

SpongeBob: Actually, we're here to fake wrestle.

Patrick: And to pretend wrestle.

Announcer: Whatever. (clears his voice) In this corner we have the challengers, the Krusty Krushers!

(They both pull out a Krabby Patty and they chew it like they're tough. SpongeBob burps after he bites his)

SpongeBob: Oh, excuse me.

Mr. Krabs: You can do it!

Announcer: And on the opposite side of the ring, we have the undefeated champions.

(Wrestler #1 lifts up a barbell then Wrestler #2 crushes the barbell and puts it in a Krabby Patty and eats it then burps in Wrestler #1's face until his skin rips off. SpongeBob and Patrick are running in a circle with their hands together)

Both: Happy thoughts, happy thoughts, happy thoughts... (As the 2 wrestlers' shadows go over them, the announcer runs away and SpongeBob and Patrick stop)

SpongeBob: Did it just get dark in here?

Patrick: Dark?! I'm afraid of the dark.

SpongeBob: Oh, don't be afraid. It's just them.

Patrick: Oh, right, it's just those guys we're gonna wrestle. Hello, fellow competitors.

(Wrestler #1 screams so loud that they fall to the ground)

Patrick: What was that?

SpongeBob: (reading Wrestling for Beginners Book) That's Wrestlese for "You're dead meat."

Patrick: I don't get it.

(Wrestler #1 picks up both of them and throws them)

SpongeBob: Hey, look, Patrick, it's Mr. Krabs cheering us on.

(They crash into Wrestler #2 then SpongeBob falls into a bucket)

SpongeBob: Whoa.

(Patrick also lands into the bucket on top of SpongeBob)

Patrick: Oh, hey, SpongeBob.

SpongeBob: Hey, Patrick. Look, Patrick, it's a fist.

Patrick: A fist? Where? Oh, yeah, that's definitely a...

(They both get punched more and more until they turn to liquid. Wrestler #1 gargles SpongeBob and Patrick and spits them out into the drain. The crowd cheers as they slosh down the drain. An impatient Mr. Krabs uses a plunger to get them out. They both fall out of the plunger and onto the ring floor)

Both: Yeah!

SpongeBob: How fun was that?

Patrick: It was so super duper fun. (They do a Pattycake like handshake)

Both: Boom!

Mr. Krabs: (clears throat)

SpongeBob: Did you need something, Mr. Krabs?

Mr. Krabs: Oh, did I need something? Hmm, let me think. Did I need something? Yes, I need something! I need you 2 to get back in there and show them who's boss! Show them what Short Order Boy and Pink Patty can really do!

SpongeBob: Right! C'mon, Patrick, let's show these two who they're messing with.

Patrick: With pleasure.

Both: Let's do this!

(They both walk away with angry expressions)

Mr. Krabs: That's the million dollar winning spirit.

SpongeBob: Alright, you two, no more messing around. You see this? (pulls out his spatula) It's just a spatula, right? Wrong! Actually, this represents your face after I get through mangling it. (tries to bend spatula but can only bend it a little bit) There, you see that? It's not gonna be pretty when I get done with ya.

Patrick: Hey, good one, SpongeBob.

SpongeBob: Thanks, Patrick. Now you try saying something intimidating as well.

Patrick: Okay. (grabs SpongeBob's bent spatula) And if you think this is bad... (drops SpongeBob's spatula) ...wait till I get my hands on ya. (takes out a piece of paper) I'm gonna... I'm gonna tear ya to shreds like a... (struggles with ripping the paper) C'mon! Ah! (drops piece of paper) I got a paper cut! Paper cut! (starts sucking his hand)

SpongeBob: Patrick, are you okay?

Patrick: Huh? Oh, I'm fine. I just like to suck on my hand.

SpongeBob: Really? Me, too. (They both suck on their hands. Wrestler #1 picks up Patrick and squishes him into a ball. He reaches for the rope Mr. Krabs is behind. Mr. Krabs screams thinking he's gonna get hurt but Wrestler #1 takes the rope)

Mr. Krabs: Oh. Heh heh. Now what?

(Wrestler #1 ties the rope to Patrick. He then picks up SpongeBob and puts the rope connected to Patrick behind his back. Then he pretends it's a paddleball. SpongeBob laughs)

SpongeBob: That tickles.

(Wrestler #2 takes Patrick as a ball)

Patrick: Good catch!

(Wrestler #2 twists him and lets go and Wrestler #1 does same to SpongeBob)

SpongeBob: Look, I'm a...

Patrick: Helicopter.

(They collide and are shredded into pieces. They fall into a wagon and Wrestler #1 throws the wagon in a cement truck. Both scream as the truck starts blending them and the crowd cheers. Mr. Krabs bites on the rope nervously. Inside the truck, Wrestler #2 pulls the pour lever and SpongeBob and Patrick come out as cement and go into the wagon. Whistling, Wrestler #1 pours them into deep spaces and they dry out. Wrestler #1 puts his hand in SpongeBob and writes "Jim was here" with his finger. SpongeBob giggles. Wrestler #2 puts his foot in Patrick and writes "My foot was here" with his toe. Patrick giggles. The wrestlers both laugh and butt heads. Mr. Krabs pulls them out with 2 spatulas.)

Mr. Krabs: What are you doing out there?!

SpongeBob: Fake wrestling.

Mr. Krabs: Okay, but you still have to try to win in fake wrestling.

SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, we're having so much fun. Doesn't that make us winners?

Mr. Krabs: Actually, it doesn't!

(SpongeBob and Patrick just stand there)

Mr. Krabs: (slaps eye stalks, since he has no forehead) Okay, okay, look. Just... (notices they're gone) Hey, where'd they... (gasps) Oh, no! Not the...

(The crowd gasps)

Perch Perkins: Wow, now that's a serious Sleeper Hold.

(SpongeBob is in the arms of Wrestler #1, who has a speaker/cradle attached to his body playing a lullaby, about to go to sleep. He gives him a jellyfish plush)

SpongeBob: Oh, hello, Mr. Fluffy. (giggles and rolls over)

(Patrick and Wrestler #2 are doing the same thing. Patrick does baby talk before being handed a bottle)

Crowd: Aw.

(The wrestlers put them in a bed and cover them with a blanket)

Perch Perkins: And it looks like the champs are ready to end it.

Mr. Krabs: End it?!

Crowd: End it, end it...

Mr. Krabs: Get up! Get up, you guys!

(The wrestlers dig a hole in the sand floor. Wrestler #1 grabs one of the ropes and the wrestlers use it as a slingshot to launch themselves high into the air and through the ceiling of the arena. They wrap their arms together and spin as they fall and crash back into the arena. As they do this, Perch speaks)

Perch Perkins: Yep. They're gonna leave more than a mark with this special move. The mother of all moves, the Flying Double Decker Atomic Headbutt of Destruction... With a Spin.

Mr. Krabs: (screams) C'mon, c'mon, wake up!

(Patrick is dreaming of doing his Iron Butt exercise)

Patrick: (in his sleep) 1 and 2 and squeeze.

Mr. Krabs: Oh, who am I kidding? Goodbye, money. (goes to ringside)

Patrick: Squeeze.

Mr. Krabs: Goodbye, money. (sobs)

Patrick: Squeeze.

(Patrick's Iron Butt rips through his costume)

Wrestlers #1 and #2: (gasp) OH, NO!

Wrestler #2: THE IRON BUTT!

(They land on Patrick's Iron Butt and crack, then shatter into pieces. The crowd cheers as they are swept up by the janitor, who is whistling)

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, here are your new champions.