Transcript: The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie/Part 1

Dialogue

Opening (Realfilmsequence)

Pirate #1: (He is in a small boat with a trunk) I got it! I got it! I got it!

Pirate #2: Dinghy ahoy.

Pirate #3: Dinghy off the port bow. Dinghy off the port bow! Dinghy off the port bow! Dinghy off the port bow. Captain, dinghy off the... (He is slammed in the face by a door as the captain walks on deck)

Captain: Dinghy. (Lets Pirate #1 onto the ship, along with the trunk)

Pirate #1: I got it! I got it.

Captain: Where is it?

Pirate #2: It's right here, captain. (Opens the trunk)

Captain: I never thought I'd see it with me own eye. Tickets to The SpongeBob Movie! (The pirates cheer and they sail to the movie theater, singing the SpongeBob SquarePants theme song)

Pirates: Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?
SpongeBob SquarePants
Absorbent and yellow and porous is he?
SpongeBob SquarePants
If nautical nonsense be something you wish?
SpongeBob SquarePants
Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish?
SpongeBob SquarePants
SpongeBob SquarePants
SpongeBob SquarePants
SpongeBob SquarePants
SpongeBob SquarePants
SpongeBob SquarePants
SpongeBob SquarePants
SpongeBob SquarePants
SpongeBob SquarePants
SpongeBob SquarePants
SpongeBob SquarePa-nts! (The pirates hog the snack bar and get some popcorn. They rush into
the theater room, where the movie starts)         

Sea

French Narrator: The sea. So mysterious, so beautiful. So... wet. Our story begins in Bikini Bottom's popular undersea eatery - the Krusty Krab restaurant, where...

Bikini Bottom

Police: Back off! Back off! (waves arms to back off at reporters/citizens)

Fish #1: Hey, wait a minute.

Fish #2: What is happening?

Mr. Krabs: Please settle down. (Referring to the Krusty Krab) We've got a situation in there. I'd rather not discuss till me manager gets here.

Fish: Look, there he is. (A limousine drives up)

(SpongeBob climbs out of the limousine. He walks toward the Krusty Krab.) Talk to me, Krabs.

Mr. Krabs: It started out as a simple order: a Krabby Patty with cheese. When the customer took a bite, no cheese! (he cries, but SpongeBob slaps him)

SpongeBob: Get a hold of yourself, Eugene. I'm going in. (goes into the Krusty Krab)

SpongeBob: Take it easy, friend. I'm the manager of this establishment. Everything's gonna be just fine.

Phil: I'm really scared here, man.

SpongeBob: You got a name?

Phil: Phil.

SpongeBob: You got a family, Phil? (Phil begins to cry) Come on, Phil, stay with me. Let's hear about that family.

Phil: I got a wife and two beautiful children. That's what it's all about.

SpongeBob: I want you to do me a favor, Phil.

Phil: What?

SpongeBob: Say cheese. (SpongeBob carefully lifts the bun and puts some cheese under. He then comes out of the Krusty Krab with Phil in his arms) Order up.

Mr. Krabs: Three cheers for the manager! Hip! Hip! Hip! Hip! Hip! Hip! Hooray! (All of this is then shown to be a dream. SpongeBob is woken up by his alarm clock)

SpongeBob's Bedroom

SpongeBob: Gary, I had that dream again. And it's finally gonna come true. Today. Sorry about this, calendar. (Changes calendar) Because today is the grand-opening ceremony for The Krusty Krab where Mr. Krabs will announce the new manager. Who's it gonna be, Gary? Well, let's ask my wall of consecutive employee-of-the-month awards. (Camera pulls up, revealing many "employee of the month" portraits)

SpongeBobs on portraits: SpongeBob SquarePants.

SpongeBob: I'm ready. Promotion. (Brushes his teeth and washes up) Cleanliness is next to manager-liness. (Goes outside and runs around in circles) I'm ready. Promotion. I'm ready. Promotion.

Squidward's Bathroom

(Squidward is taking a bath and singing. SpongeBob is now there and singing, too. Squidward hears him, turns around, and covers himself with the shower curtain)

Squidward: SpongeBob! What are you doing in here?

SpongeBob: I have to tell you something, Squidward.

Squidward: Whatever it is, can't it wait until we get to work?

SpongeBob: There's no shower at work.

Squidward: What do you want?

SpongeBob: I just wanted to say i'll be thanking you in my managerial acceptance speech today.

Squidward: Get out! (Throws him out the window)

SpongeBob: Okay. I'll see you at the ceremony. (Runs into Patrick, who comes out of his rock)

Outside Patrick's House

Patrick: That sounds like the manager of the new Krusty Krab. Oops. Hold on. (Realizes that he doesn't have his shorts on. Rock closes up, with Patrick on it. Then it opens up again. Patrick now has his shorts) Congratulations, buddy.

SpongeBob: Oh, thanks, Patrick. And tonight, after my big promotion, we're gonna party till we're purple.

Patrick: I love being purple!

SpongeBob: We're going to the place where all the action is.

Patrick: You don't mean...?

SpongeBob: Oh, I mean. Goofy Goober's Ice Cream Party Boat! (Rock closes up on them, and opens up a few seconds later. They now have Goofy Goober hats, and a record begins playing on a record player beside Patrick) (SpongeBob and Patrick sings)

Oh, I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah.
You're a Goofy Goober, yeah.
We're all  Goofy Goobers, yeah.
Goofy, goofy, goober, goober, yeah.
           

SpongeBob: (Looks at his watch) I'd better get going. I'm ready. Promotion. I'm ready. Promotion.

Patrick: Good luck, SpongeBob. Hey, look for me at the ceremony. I got a little surprise for you.

Patrick: I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah.

Outside the Krusty Krab

Perch Perkins: Hello, Bikini Bottom! Perch Perkins here, coming to you live from in front of The Krusty Krab restaurant, for years the only place to get a delicious and mouthwatering Krabby Patty. Until today, that is. That's right, folks. Longtime owner Mr. Krabs is opening a new restaurant called The Krusty Krab 2. First of all, congratulations, Mr. Krabs. (Krabs has a big grin on his face)

Mr. Krabs: Hello. I like money.

Perch Perkins: What inspired you to build a second Krusty Krab right next door to the original?

Mr. Krabs: Money.

---

Plankton: (He is looking out the window of the Chum Bucket) Curses! It's not fair. Krabs is being interviewed by Perch Perkins, and I've never even had one customer!

Karen: Don't get worked up again, Plankton, I just mopped the floors.

Plankton: Oh, Karen, my computer wife, if only I could have managed to steal the secret to Krabs' success, the formula for the Krabby Patty. Then people would line up to eat at my restaurant. Lord knows I've tried. I've exhausted every evil plan in my filing cabinet...from A to Y.

Karen: A to Y?

Plankton: Yeah, A to Y. You know, the alphabet.

Karen: What about Z?

Plankton: Z?

Karen: Z. The letter after Y.

Plankton: (Searches through cabinet) W, X, Y, Z. Plan Z! Here it is, just like you said. Oh, boy. It's evil. It's diabolical. (Sniffs it) It's lemon-scented. This Plan Z can't possibly fail! (Goes outside) So enjoy today, Mr. Krabs, because by tomorrow, i'll have the formula. Then everyone will eat at the Chum Bucket, and I will rule the world! All hail Plankton. All hail Plank...! (SpongeBob runs by and accidentally steps on him)

SpongeBob: I'm ready,promotion... I'm ready,promotion...

Plankton:(While being stepped on by SpongeBob)Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

SpongeBob:I think I stepped in something...

Plankton: Not in something, on someone, you twit!

SpongeBob: Sorry, Plankton. (Pulls him off his shoe) Are you on your way to the grand-opening ceremony?

Plankton: No, I am not on my way over to the grand-opening ceremony. I'm busy planning to rule the world!

SpongeBob: Well, good luck with that. (Runs off) I'm ready. Promotion. I'm ready. Promotion.

Plankton: Stupid kid.

Outside the Krusty Krab 2

Mr. Krabs: Welcome. Welcome, everyone, to the grand opening of The Krusty Krab 2.

Mrs. Puff: (only line) We paid $9 for this?

Sandy: I paid $10!

Mr. Krabs: Now, before we begin with the ribbon-cutting, I'd like to announce the name of our new manager.

SpongeBob: Yay! Yeah! Yeah! Now we're talking! Yeah!

Mr. Krabs: Yes. Well, anyway...The new manager is a loyal, hard-working employee.

SpongeBob: Yes.

Mr. Krabs: The obvious choice for the job.

SpongeBob: He's right.

Mr. Krabs: A name you all know. It starts with an S.

SpongeBob: That's me.

Mr. Krabs: Please welcome our new manager...Squidward Tentacles.

SpongeBob: Yes! Yeah! (Shaking Squidwards hand) Oh, better luck next time, buddy. Yeah! All right! (Grabbing the Micriphone) People of Bikini Bottom, as the manager of...

Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob.

SpongeBob: Hold the phone, folks, I'm getting an important news flash from Mr. Krabs. Go ahead, Mr. K. (Mr. Krabs whispers into his ear. He tells him that he's making a jack-@##! of himself) I'm making a complete what of myself? (Mr. Krabs wispers again) The most embarrassing thing you've ever seen? (Mr. Krabs whispers again) And now it's worse because I'm repeating everything you say into the microphone?

Mr. Krabs: Oh, for crying out loud, SpongeBob, you didn't get the job.

SpongeBob: What?

Mr. Krabs: You did not get the job.

SpongeBob: But... But why?

Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, you're a great fry cook, but I gave the job to Squidward because being manager is a big responsibility. Well, let's face it, he's more... mature than you.

SpongeBob: I'm not... mature?

Mr. Krabs: Lad, I mean this in the nicest of ways, but there's a word for what you are, and that word is... now, let's see...

Fish: Dork?

Mr. Krabs: No, wait, that's not right. Not a dork.

Pearl: A goofball? (This is, in fact her only line in the movie)

Mr. Krabs: Closer, but no, no, no.

Fish: A ding-a-ling.

Fish: Wing nut.

Old Female Fish: A Knucklehead Mcspazatron.

Mr. Krabs: Okay, that's enough. Look, what I'm trying to say is, you're just a kid. And to be a manager, you have to be a man. Otherwise they'd call it "kid-ager. " You understand-ager? I mean, you understand?

SpongeBob: I guess so, Mr. Krabs.

Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob?

(SpongeBob walks away)

SpongeBob: I'm ready. Depression. I'm ready. Depression.

Mr. Krabs: Poor kid.

(Patrick suddenly appears flying on a banner naked with a GO SPONGEBOB flag in his butt.)

Patrick: Hooray for SpongeBob! Hooray for SpongeBob! Let's hear it for SpongeBob!

(Patrick accidently hits the stage which sets on fire. Everyone except for Patrick runs away.)

Patrick: Hello? Where'd everybody go? Did I miss something? Did you see my butt?

French Narrator: Later that evening...

Plankton: Time to put Plan Z into effect. Starting at the undersea castle of King Neptune. (We see Neptune's castle)

Inside Neptune's Castle

Neptune: (He is sitting in his throne by his daughter Mindy, who is sittinng in another throne) Oh, right. The royal court is now in session. Bring the prisoner forward. (Guards do so. He then asks the prisoner a question) So you have confessed to the crime of touching the king's crown?

Prisoner: Yes, but...

Neptune: But what?

Prisoner: But it's my job, Your Highness. I'm the royal crown polisher.

Neptune: Well, then I guess I can't execute you. Twenty years in the dungeon it is.

Mindy: Daddy. (Frees the crown polisher) You're free to go.

Crown Polisher: Bless you, Princess Mindy. (Walks away)

Neptune: Mindy, how dare you defy me?

Mindy: Why do you have to be so mean?

Neptune: I am the king. I must enforce the laws of the sea.

Mindy: Father, I wish you'd try a little love and compassion instead of these harsh punishments.

Presenter: That would be nice. (Neptune then bonks him on the head)

Neptune: Squire, clear the room. I wish to speak to my daughter alone (Everyone except Neptune and Mindy high tail it. Neptune then shows Mindy his crown). What is this, Mindy?

Mindy: Your crown?

Neptune: And what does this crown do?

Mindy: Covers your bald spot.

Neptune: It's not bald, it's thinning. This crown does much more than cover a slightly receding hairline. No, this crown entitles the one who wears it to be in charge of the sea. One day, you will wear this crown.

Mindy: I'm gonna be bald?

Neptune: Thinning! Anyway, the point is, you won't wear it until you learn how to rule with an iron fist. Like your father. (He puts what he thinks is his crown on. It is not a crown. It is the cushion that the crown was on)

Mindy: Dad, your "crown"...

Neptune: What the...? (Discovers that his crown is missing) My crown! Someone has stolen the royal crown!

Plankton: (We see him leaving the castle with the crown) I got it. I got it.

Goofy Goober's Ice Cream Party Boat

Goofy Goober Clock: Hey, all you Goobers, it's time to say howdy to your favorite undersea peanut, Goofy Goober.

Kids: Howdy, Goofy Goober!

Goofy Goober: Hey, fellow Goofy Goobers. Time to sing.

Goofy Gobber: Oh, I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah
You're a Goofy Goober, yeah
We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah

Goofy Goober and Kids: Goofy, goofy, goober, goober, yeah

(We then see SpongeBob crying at the Peanut Bar)

SpongeBob: All right. Get it together, old boy. I know. I'll just stop thinking about it. Hey, you know, I actually feel a little better. I don't even remember why I was sad.

(Patrick walks up to him)

Patrick: Hey, it's the new Krusty Krab manager.(SpongeBob crys again) Wow, the pressure's already setting in.

SpongeBob: No, Pat, you don't understand. I didn't get the promotion.

Patrick: What? Why?

SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs thinks I'm a kid.

Patrick: What? That's insane.

SpongeBob: I know.

Patrick: Well, saying you're a kid, it's like saying I'm a kid. (Waiter walks up to him handing him a Goober Meal)

Waiter: Here's your Goober Meal, sir.

Patrick: I'm supposed to get a toy with this. (Waiter throws one at him) Thanks.

SpongeBob: I'm gonna head home, Pat. The celebration's off.

Patrick: Are you sure?

SpongeBob: Yeah. I'm not in a Goober mood. (he starts to walk away)

Patrick: Okay, see you.

Waiter: (Handing Patrick a Triple Gooberberry Sunrise) And here's your Triple Gooberberry Sunrise, sir. (SpongeBob starts to walk back to Patrick)

SpongeBob: Triple Gooberberry Sunrise, huh? I guess I could use one of those.

Patrick: Now you're talking. Hey, waiter, we need another one over here.

Waiter: (Handing SpongeBob one) There you go. (SpongeBob and Patrick gleefully eat)

SpongeBob: Boy, Pat, that hit the spot. I'm feeling better already.

Patrick: Yeah.

SpongeBob: Waiter, let's get another round over here. (After another eat) Oh, Mr. Waiter. Two more, please. (Then they finish two more) Waiter. (Then two more) Oh, waiter. (Two more) Waiter. (Ignores them) Waiter. Waiter!

Waiter: Why do I always get the nuts?

SpongeBob: (Up on stage) All right, folks, this one goes out to my two bestest friends in the whole world: (We see Patrick and the Goofy Goober up on stage, too) Patrick and this big peanut guy. It's a little ditty called..."Waiter!" (All three faint)

Goofy Goober's Ice Cream Party Boat, the next morning

Waiter: (To SpongeBob) Hey. Hey, get up. Hey, come on, buddy. I wanna go home. Come on, pal.

SpongeBob: (After recovering) Oh, my head. (He looks drunk)

Waiter: Listen to me. It's 8 in the morning. Go scrape up your friend and get going.

SpongeBob: My friend? (Sees Patrick lying on the floor. He looks drunk, too) Patrick. Hey, what's up, buddy? (Then realizes something) Wait, you said 8:00. I'm late for work. Mr. Krabs is gonna be...(Disgustedly) Mr. Krabs.

Inside the Krusty Krab 2

Mr. Krabs: Now, pay attention, Squidward. As new manager, you've gotta keep a sharp eye out for paying customers. (Looks through a telescope)

Squidward: Yawn.

Mr. Krabs: What's this? King Neptune is riding toward The Krusty Krab at lunchtime. He's got money.

Outside the Krusty Krab 2

Neptune: (To Mindy, of course) Stay in the coach, daughter. (Gets out of the coach) This won't take long.

Mindy: Daddy, please. I think you're overreacting.

Neptune: Silence, Mindy. I know what I'm doing. (Turns around to leave, but bumps into a pole) Squire. (The Squire, who was with them in the coach, pops onto the scene)

Squire: Yes, Your Highness?

Neptune: Have this pole executed at once.

The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie Transcript

Part 1 ● Part 2 ● Part 3 ● Part 4 ● Part 5

The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie

Template:Slogan