Episode Transcript: Penny Foolish

Characters

   * SpongeBob
   * Plankton
   * Mr. Krabs
   * Squidward
   * Karen
   * Patrick
   * Police 

Dialogue

The episode begins in front of the Bikini Bottom Jail. The weather is thunder storming badly, and then we come inside to find 2 police officers.

Police Officer #1: ...and this is the maximum level. Since this is your first day, I'll let you peek at our number one inmate. (He begins to whisper... you see them walk into a huge room that the floor is just a thin line and a huge jail cell in the middle of it.) He's too dangerous to let him around the other inmates.

Police Officer #2: Why? What he'd do? Rob a bank?

Police Officer #1: Worse! He'd tried to steal the Krabby Patty formula.

Police Officer #2: Oh-kay.

Police Officer #1: So that's why we keep him behind these impenatratable 6-inch steel doors. (While he says that, he knocks on the door and the door opens.) Of course, it helps to lock it. (They both run into the cell.) He's gone! He's so small, he could be anywhere!

Police Officer #2: He could be right under our noses! (Camera goes to Police Officer #1's moustache; the moustache then jumps off of the guy's face, running away) Umm... Frank, where's your moustache? (Camera changes to the siren outside of the jail and we see spotlights everywhere to find him. We see the moustache run through the halls and then under the door. We then notice that it's Plankton under it.)

Plankton: Ha-ha! Those fools will never find me now! (We all notice that the moustache makes him have a "punk" like hair style. Scene changes to in front of the Chum Bucket, where Plankton is talking to his wife.) Oh come on, baby. You know how long I've been in stir.

Karen: Get out! (Literally kicks Plankton out of the Chum Bucket.) And stay out! You two time loser!

Plankton: After everything I've done for you.

Karen: BEAT IT, YOU JAIL BIRD, AND TAKE ALL OF YOUR JUNK, TOO! (She kicks out a box of his stuff out of the Chum Bucket too. Plankton tries to struggle out under of the box)

Plankton: Well, that's just great. (Plankton notices his Electric Guitar.) Hey! Its my old guitar. I used to play it, when I was in that band, as a kid. Man, those were good times. (A flashback starts and it shows Plankton in a 2 year old bedroom. His electric guitar is shown with a drum set and a guitar being "played" by his stuffed animals.) Okay everybody! One two... one two three! (You see Plankton try to play it and you see the rest of them doing nothing, as they were stuffed animals. His cocoa falls over and you see him annoyed. Then the flashback ends.) You know, I don't think I've had any good times.

SpongeBob: (SpongeBob's voice can be heard. A few seconds later, you see him on the street behind Plankton singing a song.)

Oh I wish I was grinding up the Krabby Patties. That's what I really love to do. Take a couple Boo-Ooh-Ooh! And a pinch of Awoogah! A teaspoon of *raspberry*

Gerblish*

Then I mix some of this and put it over there, as I write this song. Mix in some... Nyah-Nyah-Nyah! Add a splash of wee... (*takes out giant knife*) And when I'm done, I chop up some Oh. Oh-oh, Oh-oh...

Plankton: (Listens to SpongeBob's song and then talks during the "Then I mis some of..." line.) He's sing about the Krabby Patty. If I could just get him to explain that song, I'll have the Krabby Patty formula. Mix in some... Hi, SpongeBob. Nyah-Nyah-Nyah That's a real nice song. Add a splash of wee... But could you explain those "wee" parts? And when I'm done, I chop up some Gahh! (Plankton runs from the knife being tossed on the ground. The song ends.) Are you out of your mind? Er, I mean, that was a delightful song you were singing.

SpongeBob: Thanks, Plankton. (SpongeBob waves at Plankton) Mr. Krabs makes me censor out all the patty ingredients from my lyrics.

Plankton: Oh, that's terrible. Krabs shouldn't stifle a true artist like you! Go ahead and sing your patty song uncensored!

SpongeBob: (*gasps*) I know what you're doing!

Plankton: What, me? I'm not trying to steal the patty formula!

SpongeBob: (SpongeBob points at Plankton.) You want me to... join your band!

Plankton: What band? I don't have a band.

SpongeBob: Oh, but you can't fool me! Not when you got an awesome guitar like that! And only a true rocker would have hair as greasy and nasty as yours. It'll be so cool! We could write songs together!

Plankton: Songs? (Plankton smiles with a brilliant idea.) Yes! And you can teach me your Krabby Patty songs!

SpongeBob: Yay! Come on, let's go get our band together! (Scene changes to in front of Squidward's house. SpongeBob is holding Plankton's guitar and Plankton is on it. SpongeBob and Patrick starts yelling in excitement.) Patrick, Patrick!

Patrick: SpongeBob, SpongeBob!

SpongeBob: Patrick, I've got big news!

Patrick: Me too! Me too!

SpongeBob: What's your news?

Patrick: (Both calm down.) I found out where boogers come from. (Patrick whispers into SpongeBob's ears indistinctly, and tells him where they come from. SpongeBob is shocked, but then is a little grossed out.)

SpongeBob: Ew, really?

Patrick: (Nods in agreement.) Uh-huh. What's your news?

SpongeBob: Plankton just asked me to join his Rock-N-Roll band! (Gets excited again, and asks Plankton...) Can Patrick join our band?

Plankton: Sure, whatever.

SpongeBob: Hear that, Patrick. You're in.

Patrick: All right! I play a mean belly. (He starts playing to the tune of, "The William Tell Overture", and his belly sounds like a drum set. It ends, and he bows at Plankton and SpongeBob.)

SpongeBob: Wow, Patrick, we're gonna be famous! (SpongeBob hugs Patrick while still holding onto the guitar, and they hear Squidward laughing. Squidward walks towards them and talks.)

Squidward: Give me a break. You don't know anything about music! Too bad you're not a musical genius, like me.

SpongeBob: (SpongeBob gets an idea.) Oh, Squidward... (SpongeBob trips Squidward over by holding his legs down on the ground. Squidward says "What the...".) Would you help us by joining our band?

Squidward: (Squidward gets up.) Well, I could help you, but I wouldn't soil my art playing Rock-N-Roll; dressing all in black, wearing boots covered in spikes, (as he continues, he imagine that it's worth it, and slowly changes his mind) playing enormous stadiums filled with screaming, adoring fans... (Squidward smiles to the idea) clapping, demanding encores... cheering me... (He imitates cheering... stops after a few seconds.) Oh, uh, changed my mind. I'll join your band and help you bottom-feeders, (bursts out rest of the line) BUT I gotta get in shape first! (Squidward leaves to his house.)

SpongeBob: Isn't this great, Plankton? Squidward is gonna help us!

Plankton: Hmm? Uh yea, great. (Bubble transition appears and the scene changes to SpongeBob and Patrick in SpongeBob's garage. We see SpongeBob in an 80's Rock-N-Roll outfit, with an afro wig.)

SpongeBob: You know, Patrick, being in a band gives you the liberty to dress with a little more... uh, how should I put this?

Patrick: Yeah?

SpongeBob: Well, with just a little more...

Patrick: (Furious) Go ahead, say it, SpongeBob!

SpongeBob: You know, Pizzazz!

Patrick: (Clears throat and continues) Perhaps you didn't notice... my new hairdo.

SpongeBob (SpongeBob looks behind him and Patrick has a ponytail hairstyle.) Whoa-ho-ho, I stand corrected!

Patrick: And unlike your nasty, little wig... (He pulls of SpongeBob's wig) mine is real! (He shows it by pulling it and it doesn't come off.)

SpongeBob: Man, how'd you grow that so fast?

Patrick: Natural talent, watch this... (Patrick shows that he can make his hair come in and out of his skin and make it in any hairdo he wants.)

SpongeBob: Whoo, yeah! (SpongeBob claps) Dig that fancy follicle work!

Patrick: Hey, check this one out. (Patrick does the trick again, but this time, he makes it an "old guy's" hairdo.)

SpongeBob: Oh man, Squidward's not gonna want to miss this. (SpongeBob calls Squidward)

Squidward: Hello?

SpongeBob: Squidward, aren't you coming to band practice?

Squidward: Are you kidding? I've got a lot of work to do before I'm famous! (Shows Squidward about to exercise... Squidward tries to, but breaks an unknown part. Squidward hangs up, and we hear a dial tone)

SpongeBob: (Laughs) Ok, then, we'll keep your seat warm. (SpongeBob snaps once) Patrick?

Patrick: I'm on it. (It shows Patrick making a fire under his seat to keep it warm. Plankton finally comes in the garage. He's carrying a box.)

Plankton: Greetings, fellow band-mates.

SpongeBob: Hey, Plankton, what's that?

Plankton: (Plankton puts the box down) T-shirts.

(Next 2 lines are said at the same time)

SpongeBob: (Gasps) Patrick: Ooh! Both: Oh, boy! Oh, boy! Oh, boy... (Both laugh)

SpongeBob: Ah, (SpongeBob begins to be confused) "Plankton and the... Patty Stealers"?

Plankton: (Starts to sweat manically) Uh, if you guys don't like the name, uh...

SpongeBob: I... LOVE IT! It's kind of vague and mysterious.

Patrick: Can I get mine in Pink? (Plankton growls. The scene skips to where they're wearing the shirt and Patrick laughs. Patrick's shirt color makes his skin perfectly.) It looks like a tattoo!

SpongeBob: Hey, Plankton, can our first song go like this? (SpongeBob makes some loud music with voice) And then turn into one of those songs that goes... (SpongeBob makes a high pitched screech.)

Plankton: (He's annoyed both times by covering his ears, and then resumes to his normal attitude.) Yes, perfect, now all we need are the lyrics. You know something personal. Maybe a secret you know, or a favorite recipe, hmm?

SpongeBob: Or... one about my new friend Plankton?

(Next 2 lines are said together.) Plankton: Stop it! (Growls after SpongeBob stops) SpongeBob: Or the adventures of...

Plankton: (Plankton clips SpongeBob's lips with a tool) The best kind of lyrics are the ones that are deep and revealing. Something only you know? *coughs* Secret recipe.

Patrick: I once searched for my innermost secrets. All I found was this. (Patrick shows that he's holding his heart.)

SpongeBob: (Still muffled) Is that what you mean, Plankton? (Plankton slaps his head with annoyance. Scene skips to later that day when Plankton has a machine in the garage. He grunts as he carries it.) What is that?

Plankton: It's my, uh, recording equipment. (He then laughs evilly)

SpongeBob: (Becomes really excited) Oh, my gosh, what do I do?

Plankton: (He scoots a chair next to SpongeBob) Just take a seat here, and I'll strap you in. (SpongeBob sits down, Plankton straps SpongeBob's arms on the chair and puts a pair of headphones on SpongeBob.) Now just relax and let the equipment do its job. (Machine starts to beep and make sucking noises. On the headphone wire, you can tell that it's sucking SpongeBob's brain.) Let let's see what's locked in his subconscious. (The machine makes static crackles. When Plankton finds a "station" on the radio, SpongeBob is the speaker. SpongeBob sings songs just like a radio.)

The song is in tune with, "Oh My Darlin'".

Time to feed him Time to feed him Now it's Gary's feeding time. Mrow mrow meow, mrow mrow meow.

(While SpongeBob sings the last song, Plankton says, "Nope" and changes the station. More static and we hear a new song.)

The song is in tune with, "Row Your Boat".

Brush, Brush, Brush My Teeth, Gently keep them clean

(Plankton interrupts, his time, he ends the song. More static is heard.) The Krabby Patty Formula's gotta be in here somewhere. (The machine makes a dead beeping noise and feedback noises to Plankton. He smacks the machine, says "What's going-" and then screams only to realize that Patrick is wearing the headphones. Patrick goans, and the machine explodes. Plankton starts crying.) I'm a failure.

SpongeBob: Cheer up, Plankton. We've still got a whole week before our first gig at the Krusty Krab. (Plankton still cries.)

Plankton: At the Krusty Krab? (Plankton stops crying.)

SpongeBob: Uh-huh, but Old Man Krabs doesn't want us bugging the customers. So, we have to go in after hours when nobody's there.

Plankton: (His spirits are lifted.) When nobody's there? (Plankton makes a purring noise with drool coming out of his mouth at the thought of it. The scene is skipped to where they start practicing. SpongeBob is playing Plankton's guitar, Patrick is doing his drums, and Plankton, not very excited, plays only one note on his mini-keyboard. The camera is moved to outside in front of Squidward and SpongeBob's house, then it's moved where we see Squidward exercising. He makes one more and he has huge muscles. He gasps at it.)

Squidward: My perfect dream-body. (Squidward runs out of his house with his bass guitar and goes into SpongeBob's house to practice. They then make noises that sound like they're practicing. A time card comes up and says "One Week Later..." The scene is skipped where the 4 of them are heading towards the Krusty Krab at nighttime. They're all wearing their Rock-N- Roll outfits. We hear from a distance, tire screeching. We then notice it's a police car.)

Plankton: Oh, no, it's the cops. I can't let them see me!

SpongeBob: Why?

Plankton: Why? Uh, cops are autograph hounds. Yeah, they're always after me.

SpongeBob: Mm, that's tough. Don't worry, I'll hide you. (SpongeBob hides Plankton by sucking him into his nose. The police car stops in front of them.)

Police Officer: Hey, what are you kids up to this late?

SpongeBob: We're on our way to our first gig. We're in a band.

Police Officer: A band, huh, well, that's, uh... Oh. (The cop sees a green thing coming out of SpongeBob's nose.) Uh, you've got a, uh...

SpongeBob: Got a, uh, what? (SpongeBob laughs)

Police Officers: Uh... it's right... (He points to a nostril on his face.)

SpongeBob: Yes? (SpongeBob laughs again. The cop motions to wipe it off. You can tell Plankton's feet were coming out.) Police Officer: Just keep your nose clean, kid. (Police officer leaves.) Sure thing, officer. (SpongeBob blows his nose, and blows out Plankton.) They're gone.

Plankton: You will never speak of this to anyone. (Scene skips to in front of the Krusty Krab.) Come on, come on, hurry up.

SpongeBob: Don't worry, I just need to get the key out. (SpongeBob hums while opening the door, but fails both times to get the key in the key hole. Plankton grabs the key.)

Plankton: Give me that, you incompetent fool. (Plankton opens the door and drops the key on the ground. Plankton also goes on the ground.) Yes, the Krabby Patty Formula is mine! Uh, I mean, we'll have a great time! (Plankton goes inside and whispers to himself.) Now where does Krabs keep that formula? (SpongeBob screams as he goes inside.)

SpongeBob: Whoo, let's rock!

(The next 2 lines are said at the same time.)

Patrick: Yeah!

Squidward: We're gonna be stars! (They're all inside the Krusty Krab and SpongeBob hooks up the speaker set. Plankton is no where to be seen.)

SpongeBob: (SpongeBob starts out by acting all excited like a rock stars.) All right! Squidward, are you ready? (Squidward makes a loud bass guitar strum and replies, "I'm ready!") OK! Patrick, are you ready? (Patrick answers by laughing while beating his belly.) Plankton, are you ready? (Crickets are chirping in the background.) Plankton? (We see Plankton is stealing the formula. SpongeBob gasps.) Plankton! (He breaks the bottle by saying his name in the mic loudly. The formula is shown to the audience, but all of it is in gerblish.)

Plankton: Uh... I'm ready?

SpongeBob: Wait a minute... Was this band just a front so you could steal the Krabby Patty Secret Formula?

Plankton: What, no, I was in it for the music, man! (The camera changes to outside the Krusty Krab and we see 12 police cars circle around the Krusty Krab. We change scenes by going back to in front of the Bikini Bottom Jail. The camera then goes to Plankton, who's in a caged box. Plankton sighs.)

Plankton: Well, at least I'm back to my old cell.

Police Officer #2: Oh, no, you're not. We've got a special cell for you. (Frank, or Police Officer #1, moves a small painting out of the way, unlocks a safe, and both of them put Plankton in there.)

Plankton: But I liked my old cell.

Police Officer #2: Then you're gonna love this one. (They close the cell and we see a small window on the other side with SpongeBob's eye poking through.)

SpongeBob: There's no time to waste, Plankton. (Plankton looks outside.) We've only got 22 years to practice before our next gig. (We now see that all 3 of them are there, about to practice.) A one and a two... (They start practicing and Plankton screams.)