Episode Transcript: Dumped

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Episode Article: Dumped

Characters

Dialogue

(It’s another great day in Bikini Bottom. Gary is out in a clearing and Sponge tiptoes over to a rock behind him giggling. He looks from behind it)

SpongeBob: Oh, I’ve got ya now, Gary.

Gary: Meow? (Sponge jumps up and lands in mid-air. He touches Gary’s shell with his index finger)

SpongeBob: Tag, you’re it! (he runs off, Sponge jumps and he opens his mouth. He flies to his house and chomps down on the side of it, leaving him clinging) (garbled) Gary will never find me here! (Gary crawls over the ground, up the house and toward Sponge) Uh-oh. (Gary’s eye substitutes as an arm as he tags Sponge and meows) Tag! Now I’m it! (he laughs uncontrollably as he slides down the wall, scraping off two slices of the covering with his teeth. Pat is below and Sponge takes the shavings out of his teeth)

Patrick: Hi SpongeBob, what are you doing?

SpongeBob: Gary and I are playing tag, you wanna join us?

Patrick: Oh boy, would I!

SpongeBob: (slyly) OK, (touches him) Tag, you’re it! (walks away)

Patrick: I’m it! I’m it, I’m it, I’m it, I’m it! (Gary is still there, and he meows. Pat tags him) Tag, you’re it! I win, I win! (Gary purrs and rubs against Pat. Then he crawls all around Pat’s body. Sponge walks over) What’s with Gary? He sounds like a motor boat! (laughs)

SpongeBob: That’s just a snail’s way of saying he likes you!

Patrick: (laughs) It tickles! (the two laugh endlessly as Gary continues to crawl around. They continue laughing and laughing until it’s dark)

SpongeBob: Well, I guess it’s time for me and the Gar-Bear to get going. Come on, Gary. (he pulls Gary off of Pat and walks away) Boy, I can’t wait to hit the hay. (Pat waves) What about you, Gary? (Sponge sees that he’s no longer holding Gary) Gary? Gary? (cut to Pat’s house where the rock is up and Pat’s brushing his teeth and looking in a mirror on the side of the wall. He has his nightcap on)

Patrick: (singing) Brush brush brush, brush brush brush… (Sponge walks over)

SpongeBob: Hey Patrick, have you seen Gary?

Patrick: (singing) Brush brush brush, (he brushes under his armpit) Brushin’ everywhere… (he spits and turns around. We see Gary attached to his stomach) Nope. (looks down) Oh, hey, here he is! (Gary purrs and meows)

SpongeBob: Come on Gary, we gotta let Patrick go to sleep.

Patrick: Well, I don’t mind SpongeBob. In fact, why don’t you Gary stay over at my house tonight?

SpongeBob: Hey, that’s a great idea!

Patrick: A sleep-over! Oh boy, oh boy! This is gonna be great, Gary. We can stay up till dawn and watch scary movies and eat popcorn and play board games… (Sponge thinks to himself and we hear Pat in the background saying, “Blah blah blah blah…”)

SpongeBob: (thinking) Gee, this is great. My two best friends in the whole sea having a sleepover.

Patrick: And then we’ll make a house of cards, and then we’ll read some comic books…

SpongeBob: OK, you two have a good time. I’ll see you tomorrow. (they wave good-bye and Sponge walks home)

Patrick: Blah blah blah blah blah… (soon, night becomes day and Sponge wakes up to his foghorn alarm clock)

SpongeBob: I’m awake!

Patrick: (off-screen) Hey, SpongeBob! (Sponge leaps up and runs to the window. Pat and Gary are outside)

SpongeBob: Hey guys, how was the sleepover?

Patrick: Great, SpongeBob. Watch this! Wherever I go, Gary follows! (he pulls Gary off his chest and runs. Gary goes after him as he runs around Sponge’s house. He runs on top of his house and falls off and continues running, which Gary then imitates) See? (Sponge jumps from the window and runs off)

SpongeBob: Come on, Gary! Try and catch meeee! (laughs) Isn’t this great, Gary? Me running around and you chasing me? (he notices he’s not being chased) You’re not chasing me… (Gary is still with Pat)

Patrick: Come on Gary, let’s play a different game. (he and Gary walk away. Sponge jumps in front of Gary)

SpongeBob: Who-ho-ho-ho! Look out! I’m right in front of… (Gary crawls away after Pat) …you… What’s wrong with me? (he sniffs his armpit) Do I offend? (Pat is playing with Gary, Gary is crawling on Pat’s toes. Pat’s on his back and laughing while Gary purrs. Sponge runs inside the house and brings out a ball covered in snail slime) Hey Gary! Gary, look! It’s your favorite ball! (Gary is sitting on Pat’s bum and Pat shakes it, laughing. Sponge drops the ball. Gary is now crawling up to Pat’s armpit. Sponge pulls a can of snail nip) Hey Gary, look! Snail-nip! (he eats some) Huh? Huh-huh? (Gary is too busy crawling on Pat’s head to notice. Sponge decides to try something else, he runs inside and hangs from the window by his head) Help, Gary, help! Help me! Oh merciful Neptune! I closed the window on my head! (Gary is on his shell rolling Pat left and right) All right, that’s it! (The window opens and Sponge falls. Gary is now rolling on Pat’s belly. Sponge walks up to them) Gary, you stop this foolishness, right now. (Gary’s eyes lower) Gary the snail, answer me when I’m talking to you! OK, that’s it mister! You are coming home with me this instant! (Sponge struggles and pulls Gary off Pat) Say good-bye to Patrick, Gary. (he walks off, Gary lets out a meow of sadness)

Patrick: Hold it right there, DadMom Angrypants!

SpongeBob: What’s that supposed to mean?

Patrick: I don’t know, but I do know Gary knows who he wants to go with. So I suggest that you put him down and let him choose. (Sponge does)

SpongeBob: Fine, but I would like to remind him who it was who fed him and housed him and sat on his bedside when he was sick and massaged his eyestalks when his eyes were sore! OK, Gary, go ahead, show him. OK Gary, come to me! Come on, come on, Gary! Come on, come here, Gay! (Gary turns around to Pat) Uh, wrong way Gary. (Gary is crawling toward Pat) G-Gary, turn around! Gary, no, Gary, no, no, no! Don’t do it, Gary! (he collapses as Gary crawls up to Pat)

Patrick: Well, well, well… I guess that answers that question. So long, SpongeBob. Me and Gary got stuff to do.

SpongeBob: (angrily) OK, fine, if that’s how you want to thank me… (sadly) For all that I’ve done? (Pat’s rock falls down into place. Cut to Sponge’s darkened room where Sponge is on his bed looking down at Gary’s bowl. He sheds a tear into it) I guess you’re not coming back, Gary. (angrily) I don’t need Gary! I’ll just find another pet! Yeah, it’ll be better than Gary! I’m going to get a pet that won’t go off with my best friend! (cut to Pat running around laughing with Gary on his head. Sponge walks by with a giant worm by the leash. The worm is bluish green and is panting heavily) Hi guys! Say hello to my new pal Rex! (Rex barks, Sponge pats him) Not only is he loyal, but he knows tricks too! Watch and learn. Sit, Rex, sit! (he waits, but Rex is just sitting there) Roll over, Rex, roll over! (Rex just sits there again) Now stay, Rex, stay! Good boy, Rex! Who’s a good boy? Who’s a good boy? Who’s a good boy? (Pat laughs and dances with Gary on his head) I’m sure glad we went our separate ways, Gary. A worm really is the pet for me. So loyal, so trusting, always by my side! (Rex barks and we see he’s waiting for the bus across the street with a hitch-hiking hole with stuff in it. The bus comes and he rides off. Cut to Sponge entering the house with a pet carrying case) Who needs worms anyway? (Sponge puts down the case and opens the door) Welcome home, newest bestest friend. Come on out, don’t be shy. (a snail comes out. It’s got big bushy black eyebrows and a tan shell, with the same design as Gary’s) You remind me of someone I once knew. A certain someone who’s name will not be spoken in this household. Come on, let me show you around, Larry.

Lary: Meow (his voice much deeper than Gary's. Cut to Larry sitting at a table as Sponge walks over with a plate with a cover on it. Sponge is in chef garb)

SpongeBob: And now Larry, I present to you… dinner time! Ta-da! (he takes off the cover, it’s snail food in Gary’s bowl. But the Gary inscription now has an L written over the G) Bon appetite, Larry. (giggles. Larry sniffs it and snarls. Sponge quickly takes the bowl away, scared) OK, maybe later. (walks backward. Cut to Sponge with his robe on, showing Larry the newspaper bed next to his own) This is where you sleep, Larry. (Larry goes over on it and tears it up. Larry is now up on Sponge’s bed) Uh, that’s where I… (Larry snarls loudly and falls asleep instantly) I guess you can sleep there… (Sponge lays down on the shredded newspaper) I’ll just sleep down here. (lays some shreds on him like a blanket) Well, good-night, Larry. (Larry snarls again. Cut to morning where Larry is watching TV. Sponge jumps in and surprises him) Hey Larry, want to hear a joke? Aw, Gary used to love this one! (clears throat) What do you call a snail on a ship? A snailor! (laughs, Larry hisses and crawls away) Don’t you get it Larry? A snailor. (he deflates) Gosh, Larry is sure different than Gary. And Gary and Larry are real different than Jerry. (he holds a real-life snail from his pocket. He looks at a photo of Gary) Oh Gary, why did you have to go? (cries) Why, Gary? Why…! Why, why, why, why, why! (we hear Gary meow) Gary? (we see Pat and Gary are behind him. Pat is holding a basket of laundry)

Patrick: Hi SpongeBob.

SpongeBob: Oh, hello Patrick.

Gary: Meow.

SpongeBob: Hello Gary.

Patrick: Would it be all right if me and Gary did some laundry around here?

SpongeBob: Laundry? But… we used to do laundry…

Patrick: And uh, SpongeBob, could we borrow some soap?

SpongeBob: Soap? But… we used to use soap. (holds up two bottles) Do you want ‘Fresh Scent’ or ‘Heavy Du’…

Patrick: Here it comes…

SpongeBob: Du… du… du… (cries) duuuuuttyy!!! (his tears make both of the bottles bubble up) Gary! Please come back Gary! Please come home! I’m a wreck without you! I know, if you come back, there’ll be a new no-rules rule. You can do whatever you want, when you want. (runs up to the sofa and tears it up furiously) If you want to rip up the sofa, then you rip it up! (runs up to the litter box) And the litter box, forget about it! (he dumps the litter on his head) The world is your litter box! (he runs to the fridge and opens it) And you don’t even have to wait around for me to feed you anymore! 24-hour fridge access! (he takes a milk carton and drinks it) And you don’t even have to use a bowl! (he runs to a giant carving of Squid) And I know how much you like my prized drift wood carving of Squidward. (scratches at it) Well, think of it as your own personal scratching post! What do you think, Gary? Won’t it be fun, Gary? (we see Sponge has carved Squid into a heart)

Patrick: How pathetic…

SpongeBob: Gary…? (the heart breaks in half and one half hits him. The two walk to the laundry room)

Patrick: I’m sorry, SpongeBob. But Gary’s with me now. (he takes off his shorts and puts them in the machine) You had your chance and you failed. You have to stop living in the past. Face it SpongeBob, you’re only hurting yourself. (he takes off his shorts and puts them in the machine, Gary crawls in after them) It’s what Gary wants, and what Gary wants it me! Right, Gary? (the two notice Gary is in the machine, nudging in Pat’s shorts)
He only liked me for my shorts!

SpongeBob: No, Pat! He wanted the cookie in your pocket! (Gary is indeed eating the cookie. He finishes and crawls out up to Sponge) G-G-Gary? (Gary burps and happily meows) Wee! (he hugs Gary) Oh Gary, I knew you’d never leave me! Aww… (giggles, he takes his leash) Let’s go for a walk pal! (the two walk out)

Patrick: Gary? I thought what we had was special!

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