Episode Transcript: Teacher's Pests

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Episode Article: Teacher's Pests

Characters

Dialogue

(episode begins with Mr. Krabs driving to the Krusty Krab while shaving his face)

Mr. Krabs: Who needs a bathroom when I can shave and drive to work at the same time? (laughs. Continues to shave. Coming up from the hill is Plankton in a large army tank. Plankton happily drives in the tank, and then runs over Mr. Krabs. Comes out of the tank treads sliced. Falls into his boat. Gets up angry) Watch where you're going, you miniscule maniac! (accelerates his boat in front of the tank. Plankton's tank shakes a bit)

Plankton: Get banged, Krabs! (tank chases Mr. Krabs. Meanwhile, a fish with eyestalks happily drives his boat, and looks behind him, surprised)

Fish #1: Ohh! Ohh! Ohh! Ohh! Ah! (boat is knocked by Mr. Krabs' boat. It crashes onto a rock) You maniac! (boat is knocked again by Plankton's tank. The boat continuously spins, spinning upwards like a helicopter propeller, and crashes onto a Bikini Bottom News blimp. The blimp pops)

Plankton: Outta my way, you fool! (knocks Mr. Krabs' boat)

Mr. Krabs: Whoa! (boat goes out of control and goes up an icy cliff. Shivers and gets covered in ice. Falls down onto Plankton's tank, breaking apart the ice)

Plankton: Eh? (looks at empty tea mug) Huh? (hot tea gets into Plankton's eye) Yeow! (tank spins out of control, and he gets dizzy)

Mr. Krabs: (laughs as Plankton's spinning tank spins towards Mr. Krabs' boat) Oh, shrimp! (tank crashes into his boat and destroys the exit sign. Mr. Krabs and Plankton moan in pain until an angry traffic cop shows up)

Traffic Cop: (steaming angry) Ohh, you—I—this... (points to a huge pile-up Mr. Krabs and Plankton caused) No! (hands them a Traffic School and Mandatory Citation slip) Traffic School! (bubble-wipe to Mr. Krabs mumbling to himself while going to Mrs. Puff's Boating School)

Mr. Krabs: Ehh, you cause a little 300 boat pile-up, and they send you to boating school. Eh, well, better make the most of it and grab the best desk. Ahh. (sits comfortably at a desk when he suddenly jumps up from a pin stabbed into his butt) Ohh!

Plankton: (grunts and throws away the pin) Easy with that hienie, Eugene. This is my desk!

Mr. Krabs: You want that desk? You can have it. (grabs another desk) I'll just take this one.

Plankton: Oh, you want me to take this garbage desk so you can grab that prime seat and get all the teacher's attention? Well, forget it. That one's mine. (hops on the desk. Mr. Krabs goes for Plankton's desk, but Plankton hops back on it)

Mr. Krabs: Ah! (goes for the other desk) Dibs! (Plankton hops back on it) Grr! A-ha!

Plankton: (hops on another desk) This one's mine! Yikes! (Mr. Krabs hops on the desk, but crushes it) And this one's mine! (Mr. Krabs hops on the desk, but once again, he crushes the desk) This one's mine!

Mr. Krabs: No, it's mine!

Plankton: Mine!

Mr. Krabs: Mine!

Plankton: Mine!

Mr. Krabs: Mine! (he and Plankton continue fighting over which desk to sit on, but they end up destroying each one. Mrs. Puff enters and sees the mess they're making)

Mrs. Puff: Oh! My classroom! Stop! (Mr. Krabs and Plankton stop in midair and sit in their respective desks)

Mr. Krabs: Ooh, sorry cutie.

Plankton: Suck up.

Mr. Krabs: Ohh, it's on!

Plankton: Ohh, bring it!

Mrs. Puff: Ohh, I said knock it off! (puts on brass knuckles) Now don't make me get rough!

Plankton: Brass knuckles, huh? Respect.

Mrs. Puff: Now, just settle down and watch this movie on driving safety. (turns off the light and turns on the movie projector)

Movie Narrator: Oh, yes. The freedom of the open road. The feeling of the wind in your hair and the sun on your shoulder. Yes, there's nothing like driving. But when you don't follow the rules, driving can become deadly. (SpongeBob appears driving backwards and runs on top of a driver's boat) From cruising down the highway to parallel parking. (SpongeBob crashes several passing boats, then crashes into a mailbox)

SpongeBob: Oh, no, sorry! (crashes into two boats) Sorry! Oh, sorry! (his boat falls into pieces)

Movie Narrator: You don't want to be a SpongeBob.

SpongeBob: Oh! That's me! (laughs as the airbag activates in his face)

Movie Narrator: So remember to follow these simple rules. Number one, always check your mirrors. (a car with four convicts drive in a boat. One convict checks his mirror and sees the cops chasing them)

Convict: Uh-oh! (SpongeBob bashes away the police car)

SpongeBob: Yeah! (shields his eyes and bashes away the boat with the convicts inside) Hey, cool camera. Can I see? (crashes into a coral tree, flies out of the movie screen, and crashes into Mrs. Puff)

Mrs. Puff: Ahh! (puffs up) Ooh! Ohh.

SpongeBob: (pulls himself out of Mrs. Puff's belly) Ehh. Ah. Whoa. Sorry I'm late.

Mrs. Puff: SpongeBob, I told you before, use the door!

SpongeBob: Sorry, Mrs. Puff. I was so excited for class, I must've forgot (chuckles)

Mrs. Puff: Just clean this place up. I need to call my therapist. (pants as she rolls herself out the door)

SpongeBob: (picks up the movie projector) Ooh, this is so great having you in class with me, Mr. Krabs. 'Cause now, you're not only my boss, you're also my classmate and, dare I say it, my best friend. (laughs as he hugs Mr. Krabs) Aww, (grabs Plankton and hugs him too) make that two best friends.

Plankton: Get off!

SpongeBob: Ohh, I think someone is nervous about being the new kid in class. Well, no worry, I'll show you all the ropes. (pulls up the screen) Did you know that every time you do something good, Mrs. Puff gives you a star sticker? (shows them the Good Noodle Board)

Plankton: Stickers? I'm an adult. I don't care about stickers.

Mr. Krabs: Yeah, me neither. No matter how cool and shiny they are. (becomes mesmerized by the star stickers and giggles) I'm gonna have so many stars, Puff will have to get a bigger board! (laughs evilly)

Plankton: Forget it, Eugene, I am going to be the star pupil! (Mrs. Puff comes back, talking on her phone)

Mrs. Puff: The prescription is for the mega dose, right?

Therapist: Yes, Mrs. Puff.

Mrs. Puff: Oh, thank you, doctor.

Therapist: Yeah, bye-bye. (Mrs. Puff hangs up her phone and takes out her book)

Mrs. Puff: Now, if everyone will turn to page 20 in their driving manuals. (Plankton pushes an apple on Mrs. Puff's desk) What's this?

Plankton: Oh, nothing. I just thought you could use a little snack. Winkety blink.

Mrs. Puff: Why, thank you. You get a star. (puts a star under Plankton's name on the good noodle board)

Mr. Krabs: (gives her a grapefruit) Oh, is someone hungry? Ta-ta-ta!

Mrs. Puff: Oh, a grapefruit. And a star for you. (puts a star under Mr. Krabs' name on the good noodle board)

Plankton: How about some melon? (throws a watermelon at Mrs. Puff)

Mrs. Puff: Uh... (wipes off the watermelon) All right, boys, that's enough with the fruit— (gets stuffed in the face with fruit by Mr. Krabs and Plankton)

Mr. Krabs: I want those stickers!

Plankton: Forget it, Krabs! They're mine! Ah! (Mr. Krabs and Plankton continue throwing fruit at Mrs. Puff) Ahh, I'm through wasting time here. (pulls out a bag of apple tree seeds) Straight from the source. (hops on Mrs. Puff's mouth and plants the seeds until it grows into an apple tree)

Mrs. Puff: (muffled) Enough!

Mr. Krabs: Aw, but I want more shiny stars!

Plankton: No, I do!

Mrs. Puff: (chops the apple tree with her teeth) You want stars? (lifts up the tree) I'll give you stars. (whacks Mr. Krabs and Plankton with the apple tree)

Plankton: (feels dizzy and chuckles) Beautiful stars.

SpongeBob: Oh, I want some. (whacks himself with a tree trunk) Doink! Ehh, ehh.

Mrs. Puff: Give me those! (grabs SpongeBob's stars)

SpongeBob: Ohh. (bubble-wipe to Mrs. Puff giving a demonstration outside with her students)

Mrs. Puff: When driving, it's important to be aware of everything around you. That's why we have mirrors. And that's why it's important to constantly check our mirrors. Like this. (adjusts her mirror. Mr. Krabs pulls on Plankton. Plankton responds by stepping on Mr. Krabs' foot) What? (Mr. Krabs, SpongeBob, and Plankton stand there and smile. Mrs. Puff checks her mirror again. Mr. Krabs and Plankton beat each other up with spiked weapons) Hmm? (Mr. Krabs, SpongeBob, and Plankton stand there and smile) What's going on?

SpongeBob: Mrs. Puff, the two new students are— (gets corked in the mouth by Mr. Krabs and Plankton)

Mr. Krabs: Nothing. Nothing's going on.

Plankton: We swear. (various weapons fall out of Mr. Krabs and Plankton. Mrs. Puff grumbles in anger. Bubble-wipe to Mr. Krabs, Plankton and SpongeBob on the test track in their boats)

Mrs. Puff: Welcome to the test track. Now, I want you all to pull out slowly and carefully. Understand?

Plankton: Slowly and carefully. Got it. (starts the engine and laughs. Mr. Krabs growls. The three students begin their driving, but Mr. Krabs and Plankton ram into SpongeBob)

Mrs. Puff: Wha? (her apple falls out of her mouth. Bubble-wipe to Mr. Krabs, Plankton and SpongeBob back on the test track in their boats again) Now, don't—ah! (the three students begin their driving again, but Mr. Krabs and Plankton ram into SpongeBob. Mrs. Puff becomes incredibly annoyed at their behavior. Bubble-wipe to Mr. Krabs, Plankton and SpongeBob back on the test track in their boats again) Now, these are my last boats and if you wreck 'em, none of you will pass my class. I can't believe I'm saying this, but be more like SpongeBob. He hasn't acted out once.

SpongeBob: Mrs. Puff, that's the nicest thing you've ever said about me. (hugs Mrs. Puff)

Mrs. Puff: Mmm, mmm! (sees SpongeBob's boat drive away) SpongeBob, the parking brake!

SpongeBob: Yikes! Come back, boat! (chases after the boat as Mr. Krabs and Plankton start their driving. Jumps into his boat. Plankton drives his boat and knocks over some safety cones in order to distract Mr. Krabs)

Mr. Krabs: Hey! (cones fly in his face) Ow, ow, ow, ooh, ow! (Plankton laughs. Peeks through one of the cones and drives up the Plankton at a fast pace. They both swerve and sway at each other. Plankton drives his boat underground and gets in front of Mr. Krabs. They both swerve and sway again)

Mrs. Puff: Stop! Stop! I'm gonna lose my teacher's license!

Plankton: (bashes his boat against Mr. Krabs) Can't catch me, Eugene! I'm the number one driver! (laughs)

SpongeBob: Well, good for you, Plankton!

Mr. Krabs: Don't congratulate him, SpongeBob!

SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, classmates support each other and he just said he's number one.

Mr. Krabs: Oh, yeah. Then let's see him do this! (turns his boat around and drives up Mrs. Puff's lighthouse. Plankton takes notice of this)

Plankton: That's easy. (turns his boat around and drives up Mrs. Puff's lighthouse as well)

Mrs. Puff: Come down from there right now!

Mr. Krabs: Never!

Plankton: I'm a god in this boat, on my way to heaven! (Mr. Krabs and Plankton drive their boats up Mrs. Puff's lighthouse like crazy maniacs)

Mr. Krabs: (laughs) Top of the world! (Plankton laughs crazily as he drives. When they reach the top, they realize that they're about to crash into each other)

Both: Uh-oh. (they crash into each other with their boats and they fall straight to the ground, destroying the boats)

Mrs. Puff: (pants as she runs up to Mr. Krabs and Plankton) That's it! You both fail! (storms off)

Plankton: Oh, come on! Don't we at least deserve some credit for not getting hurt? I mean, that was crazy dangerous!

Mr. Krabs: Yeah, it was!

SpongeBob: Hey guys, I finished that— (boat collides with Mr. Krabs and Plankton's boats, which resulted in a catastrophic explosion. Plankton wakes up and finds himself hooked to the IV at the Bikini Bottom Hospital)

Plankton: Wha—what happened?

Doctor: Mr. Plankton, you were in a horrible boat accident. It's a miracle that you're alive. However, there were some complications.

Plankton: Complications? What complications?

Doctor: Well, there was some confusion on what body parts went where. (Plankton looks around and sees himself stitched into Mr. Krabs' eye socket. They both scream)

SpongeBob: Hey, what's all the screaming up there? (reveals himself to be stitched underneath Mr. Krabs' head) Forget class, now we can be together forever! (laughs as Mr. Krabs and Plankton scream in agony)

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