Episode Transcript: Welcome to the Chum Bucket

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Episode Article: Welcome to the Chum Bucket

Characters

Song

A Stove is a Stove is always like Daniel Lopez Munoz's silly song "A Friend is a Friend". According to Daniel Lopez, the entire song is on the Strawberry Shortcake: The Man That How He Crossed The Street on the end credits and the Wormy episode's song is also an Easter egg on the Minnesota Cuke and the Search for Noah's Umbrella DVD.

Dialogue

(The Krusty Krab at night. The lights are still on)

Mr. Krabs: Come on SpongeBob, it's quittin' time. (the lights turn off and Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob walk out) I've got a card game tonight. (he locks the doors)

SpongeBob: Who're you playing cards with, Mr. Krabs? (we see the Chum Bucket across the street, with its lights still on)

Mr. Krabs: I'm going over to the Chum Bucket to play with Plankton. (SpongeBob gasps)

SpongeBob: (Gasps) Plankton! (a thought bubble appears over SpongeBob's head with Plankton inside) But Mr. Krabs, he's your arch-enemy. (he picks up a Krabby Patty) He's been trying to steal the Krabby Patty formula for years. (the Plankton in the thought bubble sees the Krabby Patty and goes to get it, but SpongeBob swats him with a fly swatter)

Plankton: Ouch. (the thought bubble disappears)

SpongeBob: Why would you play cards with him?

Mr. Krabs: Between you and me, Plankton is the worst card player in Bikini Bottom! (cut to him and Plankton holding cards and a giant stack of money on the table) Why, I've been taking him to the cleaners every Thursday night for fifteen years! (Mr. Krabs puts his cards down on the table and rakes in his money with his claws. Back to the present, Mr. Krabs' eyes have turned to dollar signs) I never lose! (the two start laughing and walk off their separate ways.)

Mr. Krabs: (Still sobbing)

SpongeBob: Taking him to the cleaners, that a hot one! (Mr. Krabs leans against the Krusty Krab doors) How'd the card game go last night, Mr. Krabs?

Mr. Krabs: I lost.

SpongeBob: Barnacles, Mr. Krabs. How much money did you lose?

Mr. Krabs: I didn't lose any money. (he sheds away a tear) I lost...

SpongeBob: Don't tell me you lost the Krusty Krab!

Mr. Krabs: I lost... (SpongeBob grabs him)

SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, please tell me you didn't lose the Krabby Patty secret formula!

Mr. Krabs: I lost... (he points to SpongeBob) you!

SpongeBob: What?

Mr. Krabs: I bet your contract and I lost. (SpongeBob stares blankly, then laughs)

SpongeBob: Good one, Mr. Krabs. Well, I got to go make those Krabby Patties. (he begins to walk to the door, but Mr. Krabs' claw stops him. (after continually walking and getting nowhere, he falls to the floor)

Mr. Krabs: I'm afraid you don't work here anymore. (Squidward runs out the door to the two)

Squidward: Please tell me this isn't a joke.

SpongeBob: Go on, Mr. Krabs. Tell him. Tell him all about your cruel, sick joke. (Plankton walks over)

Plankton: As much as I love cruel, sick jokes, I'm afraid he's not joking. (he points at SpongeBob) You work for me now, SpongeBob! (he whips out a bucket with the initials "CB" on it) Time to put on the official Chum Bucket bucket helmet. (Plankton jumps on SpongeBob's head, kicks off the Krusty Krew hat, and puts the bucket on his head. SpongeBob screams and runs to Mr. Krabs, knocking Plankton and the bucket off)

SpongeBob: But Mr. Krabs! I don't want to work for him! (he tugs at Krabs' shirt collar) I want to work for you here at the Krusty Krab! (he and Krabs start crying loudly and hug)

Mr. Krabs: I'm sorry, boy! It's all my fault!

Plankton: (sobs) What kind of cold, heartless person would break apart such a loving relationship? (he whips out a crowbar) Goodbye Wood! (he jumps up and uses the crowbar to pry SpongeBob off Krabs. SpongeBob goes flying with Mr. Krabs' arms still clung to him)

Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob!

SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs! (he slams into a cage and Krabs' arms fly off him. Plankton walks over and shuts the door)

Plankton: This is your greatest blunder, Krabs! For 15 years, I’ve been throwing those card games just waiting for you to slip up! I may not have the precious Krabby Patty formula but I’ve got the next best thing: the guy who makes 'em! (a propeller emerges from the cage) I'm gonna run you out of business, Krabs. (the propeller spins and pilots SpongeBob into the Chum Bucket)

SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs!

Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob! (he cries) Can I have my arms back? (Plankton walks over and throws the arms on Krabs' head. Cut to the cage hovering over a spotlight and dropping SpongeBob into it)

SpongeBob: What is this place? (the lights turn on and screens with wires and gizmos start starting up. Sponge gasps. A giant boiler turns on. SpongeBob yelps. A light turns on and a calendar entitled "Science!" appears and the photo of the month is some nerd in front of a blackboard. Sponge screams. Plankton bursts open the doors)

Plankton: Okay, I'm ready for my Krabby Patty! (he walks over to SpongeBob)

SpongeBob: Actually, uh, Mr. Plankton, sir, I haven't, uh...

Plankton: Perhaps you don't understand. You work for me now (he jumps onto SpongeBob's knee) and as your new boss, I command you to make me a patty this instant, or I'll be forced to remove your brain and implant it in my robot chef! (we see a giant robot that bares a slight resemblance to SpongeBob) So get cooking. (he twangs SpongeBob's nose. Later, SpongeBob is in front of a weird looking grill. He picks up a spatula with a spring end. He puts his fingers to one of the holes in the grill and steam bursts from it. SpongeBob screams. He looks at a digital sign reading "KITCHEN")

SpongeBob: The sign says kitchen, but my heart says Jail.

(Song)

SpongeBob: A stove is a stove, no matter where you go.

Mr. Krabs: A patty is a patty, that's what I say.

SpongeBob: A grill is a grill, this is surely so,

Mr. Krabs: And fries should be fries, either way.

SpongeBob: But this grill is not a home. This is not the stove I know.

Mr. Krabs: I would trade it all away, if you'd come back to stay.

Unison: This kitchen's not the same without you.

Mr. Krabs: It's just a grill, it's true

SpongeBob: It's just a greasy spoon.....

Unison: ...without you. (SpongeBob cries)

(End Song)

Plankton: What is he doing? All these tears... and the showtunes... Why isn't he making the patties? Forget it. I'm going with plan B, I'll put his brain in the robot chef.

Karen: You know that never works! The answer is obvious: to get the SpongeBob, you must show him compassion and understanding, then he'll give you what you want.

Plankton: Will you be quiet? I'm thinking! I've got it! To get the SpongeBob, I'll show him compassion and understanding, then he'll give me what I want.

(We see SpongeBob struggling to make a Krabby Patty with one of Plankton's cooking machines)

SpongeBob: (Sound of surprise)

Plankton: Hi!

SpongeBob: I'm sorry Plankton, I've tried my best. I'm not used to cooking this way! Please don't take my brain out!

Plankton: Hold it, SpongeBob, I'm capable of compassion and understanding.

SpongeBob: Really?! Then I would like to go back to the Krusty Krab.

Plankton: Let's not get carried away. Now what can I do to make you more comfortable here at the Chum Bucket?

SpongeBob: Well, I usually cook on a grill.

Plankton: You got it! (Plankton brings a grill into the Chum Bucket) Well it wasn't easy, but here it is! One old frying grill. How about we try it out?

SpongeBob: (gasps) Uh, it's just that I'm used to the grill facing that way.

Plankton: Say no more, I'll take care of everything. (Plankton pushes the grill) How about here?

SpongeBob: A little more to the left.

Plankton: How's this, SpongeBob?

SpongeBob: Move it over a little more.

Plankton: Here?

SpongeBob: Keep going.

Plankton: Here?

SpongeBob: Almost! That's it, just a little more...perfect! Right there! (Plankton started to get mad) I don't know, it still doesn't feel right. (Plankton gasps)

Plankton: (cut to a blindfolded SpongeBob) Just a few more steps, SpongeBob. Okay, go ahead, take it off! (he removes the blindfold) It's an exact replica of the Krusty Krab kitchen!

SpongeBob: It is an exact replica! Here's the sink, the greasy fryers, the squeaky floorboards, and that thing! One Krabby Patty coming up, Mr. Krabs! (his face turns sad) (wailing) Oh...Mr. Krabs!

Plankton: Don't cry, SpongeBob! I'll show you it's much better working for me! Is there anything that old skinflint Krabs wouldn't let you have?

SpongeBob: Well...there is one thing I've always wanted... (cut to SpongeBob with some fancy vibrating shoes on) Wow!

Plankton: So now do you have everything you need to make some Krabby Patties?

SpongeBob: Well... (cut to SpongeBob in a bubble bath, eating pistachio ice cream)

Plankton: You ready to make some patties?

SpongeBob: Wait till I finish my ice cream! (cut to SpongeBob riding a toy car, with Plankton pushing him)

Plankton: (while pushing him) How about those patties?

SpongeBob: Faster! Faster! (cut to Plankton reading to SpongeBob a baby book)

Plankton: And then the littlest sea-elf said...(drool drops on Plankton. SpongeBob is sleeping. He wakes up) Huh? Steady, Plankton! It's all gonna pay off soon enough. Hey there, sleepy head, what do you say?

SpongeBob: (yawns) All this preparation is making me hungry.

Plankton: Me too. You know what would really hit the spot? Why don't you whip us up a couple of Krabby Patties?

SpongeBob: Mmmm...I'm kind of in the mood for tacos.

Plankton: (laughs) Good one, SpongeBob. But really, why don't you go ahead and make us a patty?

SpongeBob: (yawns) No, I don't really feel like it.

Plankton: But I don't understand. You have the grill, and the spatula, and the comfy chair. I rubbed your putrid feet! I command you to make me a patty this instant!

SpongeBob: No!

Plankton: Don't back sass me!

SpongeBob: Do ba da ma!

Plankton: What!? That's it, mister! You just lost your brain privileges. (cut to Plankton outside of a lab) Finished! SpongeBob, come in here! Or should I say RobotBob SpongeChefPants...(to the audience) I put his brain in the robot, you know. You shouldn't have been a spoiled brat. You see, I always get what I want, and I want you to make me a Krabby Patty!

Robot SpongeBob: (Beeping)Dee dee, doodle dee di do. Response: Why don't you ask me later?

Plankton: What? What!?

Robot SpongeBob: Get welded. (Walks away)

Plankton: Wait! I command you: make me a Krabby Patty!

Robot SpongeBob: I don't wanna.
(Drinking oil)

Plankton: Ah!

Mr. Krabs: (cut to the Krusty Krab) Well, young boy, this looks like our final chapter. (holds up an "Out of Business" sign) Huh?

Plankton: (crying) I can't take anymore. You've gotta take that yellow nightmare back! It's not worth it. I'm better off stealing a Krabby Patty fair and square.

Mr. Krabs: Um...Well... (taking off the "Out of Business" sign off the doors) a deal's a deal, Plankton. He's your headache now.

Plankton: Oh, please, have mercy, Krabs! I'll do anything! I beg of you!

Mr. Krabs: How 'bout... you give me fifty bucks, I'll take him off your hands.

Plankton: It's a deal! I cheated anyway.

Mr. Krabs: Now, be gone with you, you puny pest! (Mr. Krabs throws Plankton back inside the Chum Bucket)

Plankton: Thank you! (a crashing sound is heard) Ouch.

French Narrator: The next morning, SpongeBob came back to work.

SpongeBob: My brain and I are glad to be back, Mr. Krabs.

Mr. Krabs: Glad to have you back, lad. Now get to those patties! The lunch rush is a-comin'!

SpongeBob: (Yawns) I don't feel like it! Why don't you ask me latter, crabby? (Mr. Krabs stares at him.) I mean...I'll work all day for free! My treat! (runs to the kitchen)

Mr. Krabs: That's what I thought you said. (episode ends)

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