Episode Transcript: Procrastination

Revision as of 23:22, 13 October 2009

Episode Article: Procrastination

Characters

• SpongeBob
• Mrs. Puff
• Patrick
• Mrs. Puff
• Gary
• Class
• Talking items
• Mailman
• Realistic Fish Head
• French Narrator
• Sandy [seen in a deleted scene]

Dialogue

Mrs. Puff: Ok, class, quiet, quiet. Get you papers and pencils and write the assignment. (class groans)

SpongeBob: Did you hear that? We get an assignment!

Mrs. Puff: You are going to write an essay on What Not to Do at a Stoplight.

SpongeBob: Did you hear that? What not to do at a Stoplight.

Mrs. Puff: It shall be no less than 800 words.

Student (acting like SpongeBob): Did you hear that? 800 words!

SpongeBob: Yeah, I know!

Mrs. Puff: Due tomorrow. And remember class work hard and no goofing off.

(back at SpongeBob's house)

SpongeBob: Ok, Gary, no goofing off. I'm about to write the greatest essay as all time. Like mosted essay isn't written a paper. Imported on the paper is the pencil. A pencil is sharper dull is a like. Hmm.. funny is my ideas roll you shrink. Like for my ask for more beautiful day right on essay. (looks at window, it's a colorful outside) Ok, here we go. What Not to Do at a Spotlight. Hey this is easy by SpongeBob SquarePants Ah this essay is pure gold and now pencil get ready to do your stuff because here we go!

(SpongeBob's clock is shown. Several hours pass.)

SpongeBob: (has still only written 8 words.) Gee this is harder than I thought. (Deleted Scene) (looks outside. There is a carnival. Squidward is suntanning. A kid is eating ice cream. Gary is playing with a ball. Jellyfish are playing tennis. Patrick is rubbing Sandy with sunscreen)

Patrick: Come on, SpongeBob!

SpongeBob: Oh, it should be against the law to write an essay on such a sailorific, sunshiny day. But, with the completion of this essay, with this pencil, I'll be one step closer to getting my driver's license! (a live-action drag race is shown. a car hits a wall, tumbles and gets back up. cut back to SpongeBob.) This 'll be no problemo. I've got plenty of time. It's only six o'clock! Okay, okay here we go. (SpongeBob Struggles to write) (moves his chair closer to the table. He does it a lot because of the fun noise it makes) I know, I've got to get blood pumpin' in the own vessels. How about some callestetechs. (does callestetechs. While doing it, he recites Hup Ho several times) (Deleted Scene Ends) I can feel those juices pumpin' now.(moves his chair closer to the table. he does it a lot because of the fun noise it makes. He then laughs) Huh! What am I doing? I've gotta write that paper. (pushes his chair in) Come on pencil, make words.

Gary: Meow.

SpongeBob: Gary! You look hungry. I'll get you some grub.

Gary: Meow.

SpongeBob: What do you mean you're not hungry? Come on. (pours some food) Got to make sure you have your nutrition. (he takes up a ladder and fills it to ceiling-level. Gary quickly eats it.) Gary, are you sure you don't want some crambule? Or some chocolate-flavored algae bits? Wow, Gary sure left a mess. I can't write an essay knowing there's a mess in the kitchen. (cleans it up) Better clean the rest of the kitchen as well. I should clean these hard-to-reach places! These dishes need some cleaning! Can't have dirty garbage. (cut to SpongeBob, who has already finished) Well, I think it's clean enough. I have plenty of time. It's only...10:00! Ok, Mr. Essay, prepare to be written! Yeah, I know! Oh yeah! And this and that! The. What should I do? (looks at the telephone) Hmm...(cut to Patrick in bed. phone rings and he wakes up)

Patrick: Who is that? (picks up phone) Hello.

SpongeBob: Hi, Patrick, what are you up to?

Patrick: Sleeping.

SpongeBob: So, how...

Patrick: SpongeBob, you and I both know that you're just using me as a distraction so you don't have to write your essay.

SpongeBob: (gasps) That is not true! I called to have an endearing conversation with you!

Patrick: Well, I'm listening.

SpongeBob: Uh...Marco!

Patrick: Polo!

SpongeBob: Well, I have to write an essay! Sheesh, what a chatterbox. I've got to get moving. I can't write with all these eraser shavings on the table! (blows them away) Oh, great, now they're all over my thinking space. (chokes on one) Ouch! Help me! I swallowed an eraser shaving! I'm choking! (goes to the kitchen and drinks water)

Gary: Meow.

SpongeBob: What do you mean I'm being overly dramatic? Wow, all that choking sure made me hungry.

Gary: Meow.

SpongeBob: I can't write an essay without brain food. Hmm...what bread should I eat? Wheat or rye...or pumpernickel. (doorbell rings) Huh? A visitor? Hello!

Mailman: Package for Mr. SquarePants.

SpongeBob: Thank you. So, do you like your job?

Mailman: It puts bread on the table.

SpongeBob: Rye or pumpernickel? (laughs) So, who delivers your mail? Another mailman? Is there a never-ending chain of mailmen?

Mailman: Don't you have a paper to write?

SpongeBob: How did he know I had an essay to write? Maybe a little TV will calm my nerves.

Realistic Fish Head: In other news, local resident SpongeBob SquarePants only has a few hours to complete an essay, and yet he continues to goof off. (head leans through the TV screen into SpongeBob's face) When will he learn?

SpongeBob: Hi-yah! (karate chops the TV. lights a candle)

Chair: Ooooooh, SpongeBob? Over here! Come on, Take a seat, put your feet up and relax. (a bell rings)

SpongeBob: (gasps) Oh, no! Midnight! (panting) Must get back to desk! (runs to the table, but it has enlarged. he jumps up) Whew, that was a close call.(his pants are missing) Ah! My pants!

Pants: Yoo Hoo? Down here!

SpongeBob: You get up here! I've gotta get back to work!

Pants: Freedom!

SpongeBob: (runs out the door) Come back! (tries to get back in, but it is locked. looks in the window)

(The Clock's face pops off, revealing a mouth)

Clock: (ghostly voice) Time's up, SpongeBob.

Fire Wick: Only seven hundred ninety nine words to go! (he burns it)

SpongeBob: No! (the house burns) What have I done? Help! Help! My house is on fire!(continues running around his burnt house until it comes to life.)

House: SpongeBob, why did you set me on fire! Why didn't you just write your essay! Stop wasting time!

SpongeBob: (wakes up from his nightmare) Hey, where's my essay! Oh, here it is! Do I dare look at the clock! Oh, no! Class starts in five minutes! What not to do at a stoplight? Think! Think! Feeding your snail is something not to do at a stoplight! And making a sandwich. And karate chopping! And shooting the breeze with the mailman. And... (cut to SpongeBob running to the boating school) Mrs. Puff! Mrs. Puff! I'm finished with my essay! All 800 words on what not to do at a stoplight! (goes inside, but nobody is there) Huh? Where is everybody?

Mrs. Puff: Hello, SpongeBob.

SpongeBob: Mrs. Puff! Here's that essay you wanted me to write.

Mrs. Puff: I'm sorry, SpongeBob. I tried to call you! I'm having a teacher's conference.

SpongeBob: But what about my essay?

Mrs. Puff: I decided to cancel the assignment. We're just gonna have a field trip to a stoplight instead. See you next week!

(SpongeBob rips his essay. He then rips himself.)