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| − | !Back Episode Transcript
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| − | !Next Episode Transcript
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| − | |align="center" rowspan="3"|[[Episode Transcript: Driven to Tears|Driven to Tears]]
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| − | |[[Episode Transcript: Born to Be Wild|Born to Be Wild]]
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| − | |}
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| − | Episode Article: [[Rule of Dumb]]
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| − | ==Characters==
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| − | *[[SpongeBob]]
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| − | *[[Patrick]]
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| − | *[[Squidward]]
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| − | *[[Gary]]
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| − | *[[Mr. Krabs]]
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| − |
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| − | ==Dialogue==
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| − | (pink starfish in a suit walks up and knocks on Patrick's rock)<br>
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| − | Patrick: Yeah?<br>
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| − | Starfish: Good day, sir. I am...<br>
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| − | Patrick: (gasp) I know exactly who you are! (closes rock)<br>
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| − | SpongeBob: Ah, there's nothing like spending quality time with my Gar-Gar.<br>
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| − | Lady on TV: Jason, I have to be honest. There's someone else. (grabs an elderly fish)<br>
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| − | Man on TV: Grandpa!<br>
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| − | Patrick: (pokes head out of TV) SpongeBob, help! He's onto me! I don't have much time! (pants. Makes a fire in SpongeBob’s
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| − | living room and burns some of his books)<br>
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| − | SpongeBob: Patrick, what are you doing?<br>
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| − | Patrick: I have to get rid of these books! (shows 'HOW TO READ' book)<br>
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| − | SpongeBob: Why?<br>
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| − | Patrick: I'll show you why. (shoves SpongeBob’s face into his window looking at the pink starfish) See him? He's from the
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| − | library. He knows about my overdue books. (SpongeBob gasps) Uh-huh. Which means I'm gonna get thrown into the big house.
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| − | And you know what that means...<br>
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| − | SpongeBob: Small portion meals?<br>
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| − | Patrick: Exactly! (crying)<br>
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| − | SpongeBob: Patrick, don't you worry. I got your back, man. (later, SpongeBob approaches the starfish outside) Hi there.<br>
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| − | Starfish: Salutations, young one. Say, you wouldn't happen to know that starfish that lives under this rock, would you?<br>
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| − | SpongeBob: Huh? No, I don't know any starfish. Even if I did know this "alleged" starfish, Patrick wouldn't owe any overdue
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| − | library books.<br>
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| − | Starfish: (chuckles) Well, it's too bad you don't know Patrick Star, because I am from the Royal Ministry, and have a gift
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| − | for him. (takes out a crown)<br>
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| − | Patrick: (runs through SpongeBob’s wall) Ooh, what is it? (takes it and tries to bite and lick it) This is the worst-
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| − | tasting gift ever!<br>
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| − | Starfish: That's because you're suppose to wear it, not eat it. Allow me to show you something. (clattering) Let's see
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| − | here. Aha! What I hold in my hands is a family tree that goes back centuries. It starts with the marriage of King Amoeba
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| − | and Queen Mildew. Then, through a few inbred generations, ends at you, Sir Patrick, which makes you a descendant of
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| − | royalty. You are a king. And now it's time I adjourn to the Royal Ministry, where I should be at your service. Your
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| − | Highness.<br>
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| − | SpongeBob: Wow, Patrick, that's great!<br>
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| − | Patrick: What is?<br>
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| − | SpongeBob: That you're king!<br>
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| − | Patrick: What's a king?<br>
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| − | SpongeBob: When you're a king, you can get anything you want.
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| − | Patrick: Anything I want? (stomach grumbles) SpongeBob, do you think we can get something to eat?<br>
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| − | SpongeBob: Your wish is my command, your majesty. (laughing. Cut to Krusty Krab where SpongeBob enters with medieval
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| − | clothes on) Good townspeople, let us rejoice in welcoming our new king.
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| − | Patrick: King needs food badly.<br>
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| − | Mr. Krabs: What's this all ab... (gasps. Sees Patrick's crown and dollar signs appear in his eyes) Well, well, well. What
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| − | can I do for you, Patrick?<br>
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| − | SpongeBob: The king would like...<br>
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| − | Mr. Krabs: Zip it, SquarePants... I'm talking to the rich guy.<br>
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| − | Patrick: I'll have ten Krabby Patties, a Krabby milkshake, large fries...<br>
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| − | Mr. Krabs: I've got a better idea. (cut to a bunch of food on the table and Patrick chewing loudly) A buffet fit for a
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| − | king.<br>
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| − | Patrick: (belches) Tasty.<br>
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| − | Mr. Krabs: Listen, Patrick, there comes a time in every man's life when he's got to settle down. You know, get a wife, kids,
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| − | a father-in-law you give all your money to.<br>
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| − | Patrick: Uh-huh, that sounds great. Hey, can I get a little more ketchup?<br>
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| − | Mr. Krabs: How about you pay the check, instead?<br>
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| − | Patrick: Oh sorry, Mr Krabs, no can do. As king of Bikini Bottom, I am allowed to have anything I want. Isn't that right,
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| − | SpongeBob?<br>
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| − | SpongeBob: That is correct. Anything you want, and it's all free.<br>
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| − | Mr. Krabs: All free?!!? (kicks them out) Nobody eats in me restaurant for free, king or no king! (customer runs out with drink
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| − | and patty)<br>
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| − | Patrick: Are you gonna eat that?<br>
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| − | Fish: I was planning to, why?<br>
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| − | Patrick: I want it. (takes it)<br>
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| − | Fish: Hey! What gives you the right to take my food?<br>
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| − | Patrick: Tell him, SpongeBob.<br>
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| − | SpongeBob: Uhh, Pat, I'm not sure this is what being king is all about.<br>
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| − | Patrick: I thought you said I could have anything I want. Was my bestest friend lying to me?<br>
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| − | SpongeBob: (chuckles) Don't be ridiculous, Patrick. I'd never lie to you.<br>
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| − | Patrick: Good! Now tell him.<br>
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| − | SpongeBob: Hi. By proclamation of the Royal Ministry, the king is entitled to have anything he wants, whatever he wants.
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| − | (chuckles)<br>
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| − | Fish: This isn't fair. (walks off)<br>
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| − | Patrick: Life isn't fair, pal. Get used to it.<br>
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| − | Fish #2: I finally did it! At long last, I've acquired issue #2 of Wonder Space Fish, and in mint condition. Now my 40 year-
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| − | old life and my comic book collection are complete. Mom's gonna be so proud of me. (bumps into Patrick)<br>
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| − | Patrick: No, she won't be, because these comic books are mine!<br>
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| − | Fish #2: But, I've spent my entire life collecting those.<br>
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| − | Patrick: Yeah, well, now you can spend the rest of your life crying about it. I'm the king!<br>
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| − | Fish #2: I will cry about it. (crying...) I'll cry to my mom! (cries...)<br>
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| − | Patrick: (laughs) I love being king. (cut to the jewelry store where Patrick gets a diamond and puts it in his belly
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| − | button, SpongeBob taking the lollipops from the kids and Patrick licking all of them, Patrick taking a mother's baby's
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| − | pacifier, taking a plunger, a toaster, and dentures. There's now a line of people giving Patrick what he wants)<br>
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| − | SpongeBob: Ok, thank you, sir. I'm sure King Patrick could use this walker.<br>
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| − | Elderly Fish: I hope so. Neptune knows I did. (falls over) Oof!<br>
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| − | Patrick: Hey, SpongeBob!<br>
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| − | SpongeBob: Yes, sire?<br>
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| − | Patrick: (slurping a drink and reading a magazine) I need your opinion on something. Do you think the giant flat-screen TV
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| − | should go over the fancy egg display or the indoor swimming pool? (cut to Squidward sleeping then waking up to birds
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| − | chirping and the sun shining)<br>
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| − | Squidward: Hello, sunshine. (chuckles then yawns as he walks over to his window) What a beautiful morning. Just perfect.
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| − | (Squidward falls over from side to side in his house. Patrick is using a crane to move Squidward's house out of the way)<br>
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| − | Patrick: Back. Back. Okay. Yeah, that's good. (crane drops the house) Perfect. (Squidward climbs out of his upstairs window)
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| − | Squidward: (stuttering) My-my-my house. What's happened to my...huh? SpongeBob, Patrick. What the barnacles is going on
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| − | here?! Look at what you've done. Look at my poor front yard.<br>
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| − | Patrick: Your front yard?<br>
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| − | SpongeBob: Umm, his royal highness is building a royal ferris wheel.<br>
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| − | Squidward: Ferris wheel?<br>
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| − | SpongeBob: I know, isn't it great?<br>
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| − | Squidward: No, it's not great! It's horrible. Oh, that's it. Stop! People of Bikini Bottom, stop! Stop! Patrick's no king.
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| − | Look at him. How can this pink blob be king?<br>
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| − | Patrick: (looking stupidly) Uh...<br>
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| − | Squidward: You. Do you honestly believe that that mindless starfish can possibly be the king of anything? (Patrick puts his
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| − | hand in his mouth) King of Morons, maybe.<br>
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| − | Worker: He might be on to something.<br>
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| − | Squidward: Yeah, yeah, yeah. See, see? Uh-huh. See?<br>
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| − | Workers: Why are we giving this guy all our stuff? (everyone walks off)<br>
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| − | Squidward: See? See? You're not a king. And now, they all think so, too!<br>
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| − | Patrick: Get him! Attack! Attack! (panting) SpongeBob, get him! So I decree. Attack!<br>
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| − | SpongeBob: Uh, right away, your majesty. Umm, Squidward?<br>
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| − | Squidward: What?<br>
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| − | SpongeBob: Umm, could I get you to sign this treaty promising your eternal loyalty to King Patrick?<br>
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| − | Squidward: (takes decree) Give me that. A treaty, huh? Well, here's what I think of your treaty. (throws it away. Cut to
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| − | inside Patrick's castle where SpongeBob has the treaty stuck in his forehead)<br>
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| − | Patrick: My royal subjects have deserted me. And it's all 'cause of that horrible Squidward. This is all his fault. His,
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| − | his, not mine, his! (crackling, boings)<br>
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| − | SpongeBob: Patrick, what's happened to you?<br>
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| − | Patrick: I don't know what you mean.<br>
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| − | SpongeBob: Uh... (laughs) You know, Mr Krabs is probably wondering where I am...and...<br>
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| − | Patrick: And what...<br>
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| − | SpongeBob: Um, well...it's just that, um, you're kinda being a jerk.<br>
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| − | Patrick: Huh? (laughs) I thought you were going to say I was abusing my power.<br>
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| − | SpongeBob: Uh...well, I...<br>
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| − | Patrick: Who's saying I'm abusing my power!!!!!!!!!! (SpongeBob shrinks) I'll put the whole town in prison. (SpongeBob runs away)
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| − | Questioning my authority is treason! All these kingly speeches are making me thirsty. SpongeBob, I request a drink.
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| − | SpongeBob? (snorts) SpongeBob?! Everybody's gone. I'm all alone. Fine, I'll get it myself. (walks by the mirror)<br>
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| − | Mirror: Knock knock.<br>
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| − | Patrick: Who's there? br>
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| − | Mirror: I am you & you are me.<br>
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| − | Patrick & Mirror: I don't get it.<br>
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| − | Patrick: (wires connect in his brain then screams) What have I become? (runs out) A monster! Monster! (runs into te
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| − | librarian before) Huh? Oh, it's, it's you! Here, here, take it. I don't want it anymore. It's turned me into a monster.<br>
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| − | Starfish: Oh, I think I know what's going on here. Patrick, with great power comes great responsibility. You haven't a clue
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| − | what I just told you, do you?<br>
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| − | Patrick: No. Uh-uh.<br>
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| − | Starfish: Oh, just as well. I've come to take the crown back, as it seems that you aren't royalty after all.<br>
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| − | Patrick: Huh?<br>
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| − | Starfish: (takes out family history) I've discovered this coffee stain, which upon removal, reveals that Sir Gary is the
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| − | true heir to the king's crown. (cut to Gary having a crown put on his head)<br>
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| − | SpongeBob: Well, would you look at that. Gary, you're royalty.<br>
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| − | Gary: Maow.
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| − | {{Transcripts/Season 4}}
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| − | [[Category:Episode Transcripts/Season 4]]
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| − | [[Category:Transcript]]
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| − | {{Slogan}}
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