Please note: Due to constant attempts by spambots to gain access to SpongePedia, account creation is currently disabled. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You are not logged in. Please log in to get the full benefit of SpongePedia.
For further questions go to SpongePedia:Contents !
Episode Transcript: Driven to Tears
m (Bot: Automated text replacement (-{{Slogan}} +)) |
m (Bot: Automated text replacement (-SpongeBob: +'''SpongeBob''':)) |
||
| Line 23: | Line 23: | ||
Narrator: A very special day in Bikini Bottom<br> | Narrator: A very special day in Bikini Bottom<br> | ||
| − | SpongeBob: I'm ready! (walking up to Mrs. Puff's Boating School with Patrick) I'm ready! I'm ready! Patrick, did you bring | + | '''SpongeBob''': I'm ready! (walking up to Mrs. Puff's Boating School with Patrick) I'm ready! I'm ready! Patrick, did you bring |
my flashcards?<br> | my flashcards?<br> | ||
| Line 29: | Line 29: | ||
the cards) Mmm.<br> | the cards) Mmm.<br> | ||
| − | SpongeBob: No, Patrick!<br> | + | '''SpongeBob''': No, Patrick!<br> |
Patrick: Hey, learning tastes good.<br> | Patrick: Hey, learning tastes good.<br> | ||
| − | SpongeBob: Patrick, I needed those.<br> | + | '''SpongeBob''': Patrick, I needed those.<br> |
Patrick: Oh, fiddlesticks. You've taken that driving test more times than anyone.<br> | Patrick: Oh, fiddlesticks. You've taken that driving test more times than anyone.<br> | ||
| − | SpongeBob: 57 times.<br> | + | '''SpongeBob''': 57 times.<br> |
Patrick: Well, then 58 is your lucky number. You're gonna pass that driving test, SpongeBob, because you're a winner.<br> | Patrick: Well, then 58 is your lucky number. You're gonna pass that driving test, SpongeBob, because you're a winner.<br> | ||
| − | SpongeBob: I'm a winner?<br> | + | '''SpongeBob''': I'm a winner?<br> |
Patrick: Who's a winner?<br> | Patrick: Who's a winner?<br> | ||
| − | SpongeBob: (sadly) I'm a winner.<br> | + | '''SpongeBob''': (sadly) I'm a winner.<br> |
Patrick: Who's a winner?<br> | Patrick: Who's a winner?<br> | ||
| − | SpongeBob: (cheered up a little) I'm a winner.<br> | + | '''SpongeBob''': (cheered up a little) I'm a winner.<br> |
Patrick: Who's a winner?!<br> | Patrick: Who's a winner?!<br> | ||
| − | SpongeBob: I'm a winner! I'm a winner! I'm a winner! (runs into the classroom)<br> | + | '''SpongeBob''': I'm a winner! I'm a winner! I'm a winner! (runs into the classroom)<br> |
Narrator: One minute thirty seven seconds later... (SpongeBob walks up sobbing)<br> | Narrator: One minute thirty seven seconds later... (SpongeBob walks up sobbing)<br> | ||
| Line 59: | Line 59: | ||
Patrick: How'd you do, winner? (crying continues) Let's see that license.<br> | Patrick: How'd you do, winner? (crying continues) Let's see that license.<br> | ||
| − | SpongeBob: I didn't get a license, Patrick.<br> | + | '''SpongeBob''': I didn't get a license, Patrick.<br> |
Patrick: Are they gonna mail it to you?<br> | Patrick: Are they gonna mail it to you?<br> | ||
| − | SpongeBob: No, Patrick, I failed the boating test. I guess 58 wasn't my lucky number after all.<br> | + | '''SpongeBob''': No, Patrick, I failed the boating test. I guess 58 wasn't my lucky number after all.<br> |
Patrick: No way! 58 is like the luckiest number ever! The test must be rigged.<br> | Patrick: No way! 58 is like the luckiest number ever! The test must be rigged.<br> | ||
| − | SpongeBob: Let's just go home, Patrick.<br> | + | '''SpongeBob''': Let's just go home, Patrick.<br> |
Patrick: We're not going anywhere until I get to the bottom of this. I'm taking that test, myself.<br> | Patrick: We're not going anywhere until I get to the bottom of this. I'm taking that test, myself.<br> | ||
| − | SpongeBob: (hanging onto Patrick's pants) No, Patrick! I've been training for years. They'll eat you alive. (Patrick's | + | '''SpongeBob''': (hanging onto Patrick's pants) No, Patrick! I've been training for years. They'll eat you alive. (Patrick's |
pants rip off)<br> | pants rip off)<br> | ||
Patrick: Please, SpongeBob. I think I know what I'm doing.<br> | Patrick: Please, SpongeBob. I think I know what I'm doing.<br> | ||
| − | SpongeBob: No, Patrick. No!<br> | + | '''SpongeBob''': No, Patrick. No!<br> |
Mrs. Puff: (Patrick walks up to the boat she is sitting in and gets in it, in his underwear) Good morning.<br> | Mrs. Puff: (Patrick walks up to the boat she is sitting in and gets in it, in his underwear) Good morning.<br> | ||
| Line 84: | Line 84: | ||
Mrs. Puff: Actually, I am. Let the testing begin! (clicks pen. Scene cuts to SpongeBob, outside the boating school)<br> | Mrs. Puff: Actually, I am. Let the testing begin! (clicks pen. Scene cuts to SpongeBob, outside the boating school)<br> | ||
| − | SpongeBob: I shouldn't have let him do it. What kind of friend am I?<br> | + | '''SpongeBob''': I shouldn't have let him do it. What kind of friend am I?<br> |
Patrick: SpongeBob! SpongeBob!<br> | Patrick: SpongeBob! SpongeBob!<br> | ||
| − | SpongeBob: I'm here for you, buddy.<br> | + | '''SpongeBob''': I'm here for you, buddy.<br> |
Patrick: I passed my test!<br> | Patrick: I passed my test!<br> | ||
| − | SpongeBob: You got a perfect score?<br> | + | '''SpongeBob''': You got a perfect score?<br> |
Patrick: Yeah, I thought you said it was hard.<br> | Patrick: Yeah, I thought you said it was hard.<br> | ||
| − | SpongeBob: Perfect score. (eye twitches)<br> | + | '''SpongeBob''': Perfect score. (eye twitches)<br> |
Patrick: Come on, I'm gonna get my picture taken for my new license. (scene cuts to the license registration building)<br> | Patrick: Come on, I'm gonna get my picture taken for my new license. (scene cuts to the license registration building)<br> | ||
| Line 104: | Line 104: | ||
Patrick: (smiling) How do I look?<br> | Patrick: (smiling) How do I look?<br> | ||
| − | SpongeBob: (sarcastically) Like a winner.<br> | + | '''SpongeBob''': (sarcastically) Like a winner.<br> |
Lady: Ready?<br> | Lady: Ready?<br> | ||
| Line 110: | Line 110: | ||
Patrick: Ready. (banner comes down which says "CONGRATULATIONS" on it. Balloons and confetti fall)<br> | Patrick: Ready. (banner comes down which says "CONGRATULATIONS" on it. Balloons and confetti fall)<br> | ||
| − | SpongeBob: Huh?<br> | + | '''SpongeBob''': Huh?<br> |
Fish: Congratulations, Mr. Star. You're the one millionth person to pass the test.<br> | Fish: Congratulations, Mr. Star. You're the one millionth person to pass the test.<br> | ||
| Line 129: | Line 129: | ||
Patrick: Isn't this great? I got my license and a new boat.<br> | Patrick: Isn't this great? I got my license and a new boat.<br> | ||
| − | SpongeBob:("La Cucaracha" horn blows in his face) Whoa!<br> | + | '''SpongeBob''':("La Cucaracha" horn blows in his face) Whoa!<br> |
Patrick: The horn works. (scene cuts to Patrick driving his new boat down the road) Whoo! This is the greatest day ever. | Patrick: The horn works. (scene cuts to Patrick driving his new boat down the road) Whoo! This is the greatest day ever. | ||
Right, SpongeBob?<br> | Right, SpongeBob?<br> | ||
| − | SpongeBob: Right, Patrick. I can't think of one thing that would make this day better. Except maybe getting my license.<br> | + | '''SpongeBob''': Right, Patrick. I can't think of one thing that would make this day better. Except maybe getting my license.<br> |
Patrick: Maybe if you apply yourself you could be the two millionth person to get his license.<br> | Patrick: Maybe if you apply yourself you could be the two millionth person to get his license.<br> | ||
| − | SpongeBob: Two millionth?<br> | + | '''SpongeBob''': Two millionth?<br> |
Patrick: Then you can get a free boat just like me.<br> | Patrick: Then you can get a free boat just like me.<br> | ||
| − | SpongeBob: Yeah, just like you.<br> | + | '''SpongeBob''': Yeah, just like you.<br> |
Patrick: I try to serve as an inspiration to others.<br> | Patrick: I try to serve as an inspiration to others.<br> | ||
| − | SpongeBob: Can we go home now? (zoom out and scene shows Patrick driving around his rock over and over) We've been driving | + | '''SpongeBob''': Can we go home now? (zoom out and scene shows Patrick driving around his rock over and over) We've been driving |
around your house for hours.<br> | around your house for hours.<br> | ||
Patrick: I know. It's a lot faster than walking, isn't it?<br> | Patrick: I know. It's a lot faster than walking, isn't it?<br> | ||
| − | SpongeBob: Thanks for the ride, Patrick.<br> | + | '''SpongeBob''': Thanks for the ride, Patrick.<br> |
Patrick: No problem, buddy. You can't help being a...pedestrian. (shudders then drives off. SpongeBob imitates Patrick. | Patrick: No problem, buddy. You can't help being a...pedestrian. (shudders then drives off. SpongeBob imitates Patrick. | ||
| Line 157: | Line 157: | ||
his diving board then back into his bed) | his diving board then back into his bed) | ||
| − | SpongeBob: Patrick, what are you doing?<br> | + | '''SpongeBob''': Patrick, what are you doing?<br> |
Patrick: I'm trying to work on my boat mobile. Now could you keep it down? It's 3 in the morning, people are trying to | Patrick: I'm trying to work on my boat mobile. Now could you keep it down? It's 3 in the morning, people are trying to | ||
sleep. (SpongeBob groans and shuts his window then goes back to bed. Scene cuts to 4:00am)<br> | sleep. (SpongeBob groans and shuts his window then goes back to bed. Scene cuts to 4:00am)<br> | ||
| − | SpongeBob: 4 o'clock? (yawns. Doorbell rings) Who could be at the door at this hou-- (falls down the stairs. Opens the | + | '''SpongeBob''': 4 o'clock? (yawns. Doorbell rings) Who could be at the door at this hou-- (falls down the stairs. Opens the |
door) Now what is it, Patrick?<br> | door) Now what is it, Patrick?<br> | ||
Patrick: You will never guess what happen to me today.<br> | Patrick: You will never guess what happen to me today.<br> | ||
| − | SpongeBob: You got your license.<br> | + | '''SpongeBob''': You got your license.<br> |
Patrick: Yeah! (shows his license) But that's not all.<br> | Patrick: Yeah! (shows his license) But that's not all.<br> | ||
| − | SpongeBob: You got a new boat.<br> | + | '''SpongeBob''': You got a new boat.<br> |
Patrick: Yeah. Have you been following me? You know, you need to get your own life. (walks off)<br> | Patrick: Yeah. Have you been following me? You know, you need to get your own life. (walks off)<br> | ||
| − | SpongeBob: (gets back into bed) Oh...I just need a few minutes sleep. (foghorn alarm blows)<br> | + | '''SpongeBob''': (gets back into bed) Oh...I just need a few minutes sleep. (foghorn alarm blows)<br> |
Gary: Meow.<br> | Gary: Meow.<br> | ||
| − | SpongeBob: Yes, Gary, I saw his new boat. (scene cuts to morning where SpongeBob is leaving home to go to work) I'm so | + | '''SpongeBob''': Yes, Gary, I saw his new boat. (scene cuts to morning where SpongeBob is leaving home to go to work) I'm so |
tired. (horn honks)<br> | tired. (horn honks)<br> | ||
Patrick: Hey, buddy. Need a ride to work?<br> | Patrick: Hey, buddy. Need a ride to work?<br> | ||
| − | SpongeBob: Thanks, Patrick, but I'd rather walk to work. (tries to take a step but falls down in the process. Scene cuts to | + | '''SpongeBob''': Thanks, Patrick, but I'd rather walk to work. (tries to take a step but falls down in the process. Scene cuts to |
Patrick driving SpongeBob to the Krusty Krab)<br> | Patrick driving SpongeBob to the Krusty Krab)<br> | ||
Patrick: Boy, I never realized how empty life is without a license.<br> | Patrick: Boy, I never realized how empty life is without a license.<br> | ||
| − | SpongeBob: Thanks for the ride.<br> | + | '''SpongeBob''': Thanks for the ride.<br> |
Patrick: No problem, buddy. You can give me rides once you get your license. I mean, if you get your license.<br> | Patrick: No problem, buddy. You can give me rides once you get your license. I mean, if you get your license.<br> | ||
| − | SpongeBob: That's it. I am through driving around with Patrick. If I have to see one more boat mobile...<br> | + | '''SpongeBob''': That's it. I am through driving around with Patrick. If I have to see one more boat mobile...<br> |
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, you're manning the drive-thru.<br> | Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, you're manning the drive-thru.<br> | ||
| − | SpongeBob: When did we get a drive-thru?<br> | + | '''SpongeBob''': When did we get a drive-thru?<br> |
Mr. Krabs: I realized there's a lot of young people on the go these days. They don't have time to sit down and eat. They're | Mr. Krabs: I realized there's a lot of young people on the go these days. They don't have time to sit down and eat. They're | ||
too busy out on the open road living their dreams.<br> | too busy out on the open road living their dreams.<br> | ||
| − | SpongeBob: I used to have a dream.<br> | + | '''SpongeBob''': I used to have a dream.<br> |
Mr. Krabs: Yeah? I used to have a kidney stone. Everything passes eventually. Now stop dreaming and work for a living.<br> | Mr. Krabs: Yeah? I used to have a kidney stone. Everything passes eventually. Now stop dreaming and work for a living.<br> | ||
| − | SpongeBob: (through headphones) Welcome to the Krusty Krab, may I -- ("La Cucaracha" horn honks)<br> | + | '''SpongeBob''': (through headphones) Welcome to the Krusty Krab, may I -- ("La Cucaracha" horn honks)<br> |
Patrick: The horn still works. (scene cuts to SpongeBob switching the OPEN sign to CLOSED then walking out of work. Patrick | Patrick: The horn still works. (scene cuts to SpongeBob switching the OPEN sign to CLOSED then walking out of work. Patrick | ||
drives up in a racing uniform) Hey, SpongeBob.<br> | drives up in a racing uniform) Hey, SpongeBob.<br> | ||
| − | SpongeBob: What's with the helmet, Patrick?<br> | + | '''SpongeBob''': What's with the helmet, Patrick?<br> |
Patrick: Well, since I'm now an expert driver, I have to keep up my image. (clicks tongue)<br> | Patrick: Well, since I'm now an expert driver, I have to keep up my image. (clicks tongue)<br> | ||
| − | SpongeBob: Uh-huh. (scene cuts to Patrick driving)<br> | + | '''SpongeBob''': Uh-huh. (scene cuts to Patrick driving)<br> |
Patrick: Boy, driving is so easy.<br> | Patrick: Boy, driving is so easy.<br> | ||
| − | SpongeBob: Oh?<br> | + | '''SpongeBob''': Oh?<br> |
Patrick: Do you want me to give you lessons?<br> | Patrick: Do you want me to give you lessons?<br> | ||
| − | SpongeBob: (sarcastic) Oh, that would be great.<br> | + | '''SpongeBob''': (sarcastic) Oh, that would be great.<br> |
Patrick: Oh! (drives over to SpongeBob’s parents)<br> | Patrick: Oh! (drives over to SpongeBob’s parents)<br> | ||
| − | SpongeBob: Patrick!<br> | + | '''SpongeBob''': Patrick!<br> |
Patrick: Hi, mommy. Hi, daddy.<br> | Patrick: Hi, mommy. Hi, daddy.<br> | ||
| Line 241: | Line 241: | ||
Mrs. SquarePants: Oh, we know how to stay clear of that minefield.<br> | Mrs. SquarePants: Oh, we know how to stay clear of that minefield.<br> | ||
| − | SpongeBob: Mom!<br> | + | '''SpongeBob''': Mom!<br> |
Patrick: Well, I've got to take Mr. Walks-a-lot back home. He's always asking for rides.<br> | Patrick: Well, I've got to take Mr. Walks-a-lot back home. He's always asking for rides.<br> | ||
| − | SpongeBob: Hey. (Patrick drives off)<br> | + | '''SpongeBob''': Hey. (Patrick drives off)<br> |
Mr. SquarePants: Even Patrick has a license. (both parents sigh)<br> | Mr. SquarePants: Even Patrick has a license. (both parents sigh)<br> | ||
| Line 251: | Line 251: | ||
Patrick: Let's see what this baby can do. (steps on the gas. Ride pass a sign that reads 'SPEED LIMIT 40 MPH')<br> | Patrick: Let's see what this baby can do. (steps on the gas. Ride pass a sign that reads 'SPEED LIMIT 40 MPH')<br> | ||
| − | SpongeBob: Patrick, the speed limit is 40mph.<br> | + | '''SpongeBob''': Patrick, the speed limit is 40mph.<br> |
Patrick: Yeah, yeah.<br> | Patrick: Yeah, yeah.<br> | ||
| − | SpongeBob: (reads the speedometer) 40.5mph? That's almost 41mph. He's speeding. Patrick! Stop this car. (car stops next to | + | '''SpongeBob''': (reads the speedometer) 40.5mph? That's almost 41mph. He's speeding. Patrick! Stop this car. (car stops next to |
a policeman)<br> | a policeman)<br> | ||
Patrick: What? Where? Who?<br> | Patrick: What? Where? Who?<br> | ||
| − | SpongeBob: Officer, it is my civilian duty to report that the the driver of this vehicle is speeding. Why don't you clock | + | '''SpongeBob''': Officer, it is my civilian duty to report that the the driver of this vehicle is speeding. Why don't you clock |
him with your radar gun?<br> | him with your radar gun?<br> | ||
Officer: Umm...ok. (uses radar gun. It reads 0mph) Actually, he's going 40mph under the limit. So, move along before I run you in, tattletale. (drives off)<br> | Officer: Umm...ok. (uses radar gun. It reads 0mph) Actually, he's going 40mph under the limit. So, move along before I run you in, tattletale. (drives off)<br> | ||
| − | SpongeBob: Are you sure you don't want to run him in? (scene cuts to Patrick driving. Green light turns red) It's a red | + | '''SpongeBob''': Are you sure you don't want to run him in? (scene cuts to Patrick driving. Green light turns red) It's a red |
light, Patrick! (Patrick runs through red lights) Patrick, you just ran 3 red lights!<br> | light, Patrick! (Patrick runs through red lights) Patrick, you just ran 3 red lights!<br> | ||
Patrick: So?<br> | Patrick: So?<br> | ||
| − | SpongeBob: You're suppose to stop!<br> | + | '''SpongeBob''': You're suppose to stop!<br> |
Patrick: I think the driving genius knows what he's doing!<br> | Patrick: I think the driving genius knows what he's doing!<br> | ||
| − | SpongeBob: Driving ''genius?!'' Would a genius make an illegal u-turn... through an orphanage?!<br> | + | '''SpongeBob''': Driving ''genius?!'' Would a genius make an illegal u-turn... through an orphanage?!<br> |
Patrick: They ran for it in time. What are you so mad about?<br> | Patrick: They ran for it in time. What are you so mad about?<br> | ||
| − | SpongeBob: '''''I''''' should've gotten that license, and this should be '''''my''''' boat mobile!!!!!!<br> | + | '''SpongeBob''': '''''I''''' should've gotten that license, and this should be '''''my''''' boat mobile!!!!!!<br> |
Patrick: How can you say that?! If you were my friend, you'd be happy for me getting my license!<br> | Patrick: How can you say that?! If you were my friend, you'd be happy for me getting my license!<br> | ||
| − | SpongeBob: If you were '''''my''''' friend, you wouldn't rub your license in my face!<br> | + | '''SpongeBob''': If you were '''''my''''' friend, you wouldn't rub your license in my face!<br> |
Patrick: I'm not rubbing my license in your face! '''''This''''' is rubbing my license in your face! (takes out license and rubs it | Patrick: I'm not rubbing my license in your face! '''''This''''' is rubbing my license in your face! (takes out license and rubs it | ||
in SpongeBob’s face, which makes muffled noises)<br> | in SpongeBob’s face, which makes muffled noises)<br> | ||
| − | SpongeBob: Oh, give me that! I worked my whole life for this! You don't deserve this! (tears up Patrick's license then | + | '''SpongeBob''': Oh, give me that! I worked my whole life for this! You don't deserve this! (tears up Patrick's license then |
laughs. The pieces of the license fly into the officers hands) | laughs. The pieces of the license fly into the officers hands) | ||
| Line 299: | Line 299: | ||
Officer: Ooh, I got me a runner. (a bunch of police cars are following him)<br> | Officer: Ooh, I got me a runner. (a bunch of police cars are following him)<br> | ||
| − | SpongeBob: Patrick, what do you think you're doing?<br> | + | '''SpongeBob''': Patrick, what do you think you're doing?<br> |
Patrick: I don't know! I don't have a license anymore. (drives around cards, through a sign then off a cliff into the front | Patrick: I don't know! I don't have a license anymore. (drives around cards, through a sign then off a cliff into the front | ||
| Line 308: | Line 308: | ||
Patrick: So long, buddy. Don't forget to feed Gary. Sometimes you forget to feed him.<br> | Patrick: So long, buddy. Don't forget to feed Gary. Sometimes you forget to feed him.<br> | ||
| − | SpongeBob: What have I done? Patrick can't survive in prison. He's too soft. Wait! (runs up to the judge) Patrick's | + | '''SpongeBob''': What have I done? Patrick can't survive in prison. He's too soft. Wait! (runs up to the judge) Patrick's |
innocent. I tore up Patrick's license and threw it out the window. I'm the litterbug. Take me instead.<br> | innocent. I tore up Patrick's license and threw it out the window. I'm the litterbug. Take me instead.<br> | ||
| Line 315: | Line 315: | ||
Narrator: One debt to society later... (door buzzes. SpongeBob is let go out of jail where Patrick is waiting for him)<br> | Narrator: One debt to society later... (door buzzes. SpongeBob is let go out of jail where Patrick is waiting for him)<br> | ||
| − | SpongeBob: Patrick!<br> | + | '''SpongeBob''': Patrick!<br> |
Patrick: SpongeBob! (both hug)<br> | Patrick: SpongeBob! (both hug)<br> | ||
| − | SpongeBob: I'm glad you passed the test. I'm glad you have a license. And to prove it, I made you this: Pals 4 Ever. (shows | + | '''SpongeBob''': I'm glad you passed the test. I'm glad you have a license. And to prove it, I made you this: Pals 4 Ever. (shows |
him a license plate that reads "PALS 4 EVER") Let's put it on your boat mobile, buddy.<br> | him a license plate that reads "PALS 4 EVER") Let's put it on your boat mobile, buddy.<br> | ||
Patrick: Oh, I don't have a boat mobile anymore.<br> | Patrick: Oh, I don't have a boat mobile anymore.<br> | ||
| − | SpongeBob: What?<br> | + | '''SpongeBob''': What?<br> |
Patrick: It stopped working so I threw it away. The needle was on E and I figured that must mean end.<br> | Patrick: It stopped working so I threw it away. The needle was on E and I figured that must mean end.<br> | ||
| − | SpongeBob: Oh, then what do we do with this? (Patrick takes it and puts it on his behind)<br> | + | '''SpongeBob''': Oh, then what do we do with this? (Patrick takes it and puts it on his behind)<br> |
Patrick: How's that?<br> | Patrick: How's that?<br> | ||
| − | SpongeBob: Yeah!<br> | + | '''SpongeBob''': Yeah!<br> |
Patrick: Ready, buddy?<br> | Patrick: Ready, buddy?<br> | ||
| − | SpongeBob: Ready, pal. (hops on Patrick's shoulders and makes car noises) Whoo! Whoo! | + | '''SpongeBob''': Ready, pal. (hops on Patrick's shoulders and makes car noises) Whoo! Whoo! |
{{Transcripts/Season 4}} | {{Transcripts/Season 4}} | ||
Revision as of 01:39, 22 March 2011
| Back Episode Transcript | Next Episode Transcript |
|---|---|
| Hocus Pocus | Rule of Dumb |
Episode Article: Driven to Tears
Characters
Dialogue
Narrator: A very special day in Bikini Bottom
SpongeBob: I'm ready! (walking up to Mrs. Puff's Boating School with Patrick) I'm ready! I'm ready! Patrick, did you bring
my flashcards?
Patrick: Right here, buddy. (takes them out of his pocket) Everything you need to pass the test is on these cards. (eats
the cards) Mmm.
SpongeBob: No, Patrick!
Patrick: Hey, learning tastes good.
SpongeBob: Patrick, I needed those.
Patrick: Oh, fiddlesticks. You've taken that driving test more times than anyone.
SpongeBob: 57 times.
Patrick: Well, then 58 is your lucky number. You're gonna pass that driving test, SpongeBob, because you're a winner.
SpongeBob: I'm a winner?
Patrick: Who's a winner?
SpongeBob: (sadly) I'm a winner.
Patrick: Who's a winner?
SpongeBob: (cheered up a little) I'm a winner.
Patrick: Who's a winner?!
SpongeBob: I'm a winner! I'm a winner! I'm a winner! (runs into the classroom)
Narrator: One minute thirty seven seconds later... (SpongeBob walks up sobbing)
Patrick: How'd you do, winner? (crying continues) Let's see that license.
SpongeBob: I didn't get a license, Patrick.
Patrick: Are they gonna mail it to you?
SpongeBob: No, Patrick, I failed the boating test. I guess 58 wasn't my lucky number after all.
Patrick: No way! 58 is like the luckiest number ever! The test must be rigged.
SpongeBob: Let's just go home, Patrick.
Patrick: We're not going anywhere until I get to the bottom of this. I'm taking that test, myself.
SpongeBob: (hanging onto Patrick's pants) No, Patrick! I've been training for years. They'll eat you alive. (Patrick's
pants rip off)
Patrick: Please, SpongeBob. I think I know what I'm doing.
SpongeBob: No, Patrick. No!
Mrs. Puff: (Patrick walks up to the boat she is sitting in and gets in it, in his underwear) Good morning.
Patrick: You're not the judge of me!
Mrs. Puff: Actually, I am. Let the testing begin! (clicks pen. Scene cuts to SpongeBob, outside the boating school)
SpongeBob: I shouldn't have let him do it. What kind of friend am I?
Patrick: SpongeBob! SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: I'm here for you, buddy.
Patrick: I passed my test!
SpongeBob: You got a perfect score?
Patrick: Yeah, I thought you said it was hard.
SpongeBob: Perfect score. (eye twitches)
Patrick: Come on, I'm gonna get my picture taken for my new license. (scene cuts to the license registration building)
Lady: Stand behind the line, sir.
Patrick: (smiling) How do I look?
SpongeBob: (sarcastically) Like a winner.
Lady: Ready?
Patrick: Ready. (banner comes down which says "CONGRATULATIONS" on it. Balloons and confetti fall)
SpongeBob: Huh?
Fish: Congratulations, Mr. Star. You're the one millionth person to pass the test.
Patrick: Does that mean I get a free key chain?
Fish: Uhh, no.
Patrick: Oh.
Fish: You get a brand-new boat mobile. The new Bass Blaster 3000. The ultimate boating machine.
Patrick: Yeah! All right!
Fish: Women will want you. (all sigh) Men will want to be you. (all sigh) You'll be the envy of your friends. (SpongeBob
groans)
Patrick: Isn't this great? I got my license and a new boat.
SpongeBob:("La Cucaracha" horn blows in his face) Whoa!
Patrick: The horn works. (scene cuts to Patrick driving his new boat down the road) Whoo! This is the greatest day ever.
Right, SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: Right, Patrick. I can't think of one thing that would make this day better. Except maybe getting my license.
Patrick: Maybe if you apply yourself you could be the two millionth person to get his license.
SpongeBob: Two millionth?
Patrick: Then you can get a free boat just like me.
SpongeBob: Yeah, just like you.
Patrick: I try to serve as an inspiration to others.
SpongeBob: Can we go home now? (zoom out and scene shows Patrick driving around his rock over and over) We've been driving
around your house for hours.
Patrick: I know. It's a lot faster than walking, isn't it?
SpongeBob: Thanks for the ride, Patrick.
Patrick: No problem, buddy. You can't help being a...pedestrian. (shudders then drives off. SpongeBob imitates Patrick. Scene cuts to SpongeBob in bed asleep. His clock turns to 3:00am when an engine revving is heard which sends SpongeBob into his diving board then back into his bed)
SpongeBob: Patrick, what are you doing?
Patrick: I'm trying to work on my boat mobile. Now could you keep it down? It's 3 in the morning, people are trying to
sleep. (SpongeBob groans and shuts his window then goes back to bed. Scene cuts to 4:00am)
SpongeBob: 4 o'clock? (yawns. Doorbell rings) Who could be at the door at this hou-- (falls down the stairs. Opens the
door) Now what is it, Patrick?
Patrick: You will never guess what happen to me today.
SpongeBob: You got your license.
Patrick: Yeah! (shows his license) But that's not all.
SpongeBob: You got a new boat.
Patrick: Yeah. Have you been following me? You know, you need to get your own life. (walks off)
SpongeBob: (gets back into bed) Oh...I just need a few minutes sleep. (foghorn alarm blows)
Gary: Meow.
SpongeBob: Yes, Gary, I saw his new boat. (scene cuts to morning where SpongeBob is leaving home to go to work) I'm so
tired. (horn honks)
Patrick: Hey, buddy. Need a ride to work?
SpongeBob: Thanks, Patrick, but I'd rather walk to work. (tries to take a step but falls down in the process. Scene cuts to
Patrick driving SpongeBob to the Krusty Krab)
Patrick: Boy, I never realized how empty life is without a license.
SpongeBob: Thanks for the ride.
Patrick: No problem, buddy. You can give me rides once you get your license. I mean, if you get your license.
SpongeBob: That's it. I am through driving around with Patrick. If I have to see one more boat mobile...
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, you're manning the drive-thru.
SpongeBob: When did we get a drive-thru?
Mr. Krabs: I realized there's a lot of young people on the go these days. They don't have time to sit down and eat. They're
too busy out on the open road living their dreams.
SpongeBob: I used to have a dream.
Mr. Krabs: Yeah? I used to have a kidney stone. Everything passes eventually. Now stop dreaming and work for a living.
SpongeBob: (through headphones) Welcome to the Krusty Krab, may I -- ("La Cucaracha" horn honks)
Patrick: The horn still works. (scene cuts to SpongeBob switching the OPEN sign to CLOSED then walking out of work. Patrick
drives up in a racing uniform) Hey, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: What's with the helmet, Patrick?
Patrick: Well, since I'm now an expert driver, I have to keep up my image. (clicks tongue)
SpongeBob: Uh-huh. (scene cuts to Patrick driving)
Patrick: Boy, driving is so easy.
SpongeBob: Oh?
Patrick: Do you want me to give you lessons?
SpongeBob: (sarcastic) Oh, that would be great.
Patrick: Oh! (drives over to SpongeBob’s parents)
SpongeBob: Patrick!
Patrick: Hi, mommy. Hi, daddy.
Mr. SquarePants: Patrick, how many times do we have to tell you we're SpongeBob’s mom and dad, not yours?
Patrick: What? I'm an orphan? Oh, but guess what? I passed my driver's test.
Mrs. SquarePants: That's great, Patrick.
Patrick: SpongeBob failed his test, so don't mention it.
Mrs. SquarePants: Oh, we know how to stay clear of that minefield.
SpongeBob: Mom!
Patrick: Well, I've got to take Mr. Walks-a-lot back home. He's always asking for rides.
SpongeBob: Hey. (Patrick drives off)
Mr. SquarePants: Even Patrick has a license. (both parents sigh)
Patrick: Let's see what this baby can do. (steps on the gas. Ride pass a sign that reads 'SPEED LIMIT 40 MPH')
SpongeBob: Patrick, the speed limit is 40mph.
Patrick: Yeah, yeah.
SpongeBob: (reads the speedometer) 40.5mph? That's almost 41mph. He's speeding. Patrick! Stop this car. (car stops next to
a policeman)
Patrick: What? Where? Who?
SpongeBob: Officer, it is my civilian duty to report that the the driver of this vehicle is speeding. Why don't you clock
him with your radar gun?
Officer: Umm...ok. (uses radar gun. It reads 0mph) Actually, he's going 40mph under the limit. So, move along before I run you in, tattletale. (drives off)
SpongeBob: Are you sure you don't want to run him in? (scene cuts to Patrick driving. Green light turns red) It's a red
light, Patrick! (Patrick runs through red lights) Patrick, you just ran 3 red lights!
Patrick: So?
SpongeBob: You're suppose to stop!
Patrick: I think the driving genius knows what he's doing!
SpongeBob: Driving genius?! Would a genius make an illegal u-turn... through an orphanage?!
Patrick: They ran for it in time. What are you so mad about?
SpongeBob: I should've gotten that license, and this should be my boat mobile!!!!!!
Patrick: How can you say that?! If you were my friend, you'd be happy for me getting my license!
SpongeBob: If you were my friend, you wouldn't rub your license in my face!
Patrick: I'm not rubbing my license in your face! This is rubbing my license in your face! (takes out license and rubs it
in SpongeBob’s face, which makes muffled noises)
SpongeBob: Oh, give me that! I worked my whole life for this! You don't deserve this! (tears up Patrick's license then laughs. The pieces of the license fly into the officers hands)
Officer: Huh, litterbugs. This is why I joined the force. (drives off after SpongeBob & Patrick)
SpongeBob & Patrick: It's the police!
Officer: (over speaker) Pull it over, litterbug!
Patrick: Litterbug?! No! (drives faster)
Officer: Ooh, I got me a runner. (a bunch of police cars are following him)
SpongeBob: Patrick, what do you think you're doing?
Patrick: I don't know! I don't have a license anymore. (drives around cards, through a sign then off a cliff into the front
lot of the Bikini Bottom Jail. Scene cuts to courtroom)
Judge: 90 days. I hope you learned a valuable lesson about littering.
Patrick: So long, buddy. Don't forget to feed Gary. Sometimes you forget to feed him.
SpongeBob: What have I done? Patrick can't survive in prison. He's too soft. Wait! (runs up to the judge) Patrick's
innocent. I tore up Patrick's license and threw it out the window. I'm the litterbug. Take me instead.
Judge: Well, considering there's no legal precedent...oh, what the heck. 90 days! (SpongeBob is put in jail)
Narrator: One debt to society later... (door buzzes. SpongeBob is let go out of jail where Patrick is waiting for him)
SpongeBob: Patrick!
Patrick: SpongeBob! (both hug)
SpongeBob: I'm glad you passed the test. I'm glad you have a license. And to prove it, I made you this: Pals 4 Ever. (shows
him a license plate that reads "PALS 4 EVER") Let's put it on your boat mobile, buddy.
Patrick: Oh, I don't have a boat mobile anymore.
SpongeBob: What?
Patrick: It stopped working so I threw it away. The needle was on E and I figured that must mean end.
SpongeBob: Oh, then what do we do with this? (Patrick takes it and puts it on his behind)
Patrick: How's that?
SpongeBob: Yeah!
Patrick: Ready, buddy?
SpongeBob: Ready, pal. (hops on Patrick's shoulders and makes car noises) Whoo! Whoo!
