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Episode Transcript: Driven to Tears
m (Bot: Automated text replacement (-SpongeBob: +'''SpongeBob''':)) |
m (Bot: Automated text replacement (-Patrick: +'''Patrick''':)) |
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| Line 26: | Line 26: | ||
my flashcards?<br> | my flashcards?<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: Right here, buddy. (takes them out of his pocket) Everything you need to pass the test is on these cards. (eats | + | '''Patrick''': Right here, buddy. (takes them out of his pocket) Everything you need to pass the test is on these cards. (eats |
the cards) Mmm.<br> | the cards) Mmm.<br> | ||
'''SpongeBob''': No, Patrick!<br> | '''SpongeBob''': No, Patrick!<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: Hey, learning tastes good.<br> | + | '''Patrick''': Hey, learning tastes good.<br> |
'''SpongeBob''': Patrick, I needed those.<br> | '''SpongeBob''': Patrick, I needed those.<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: Oh, fiddlesticks. You've taken that driving test more times than anyone.<br> | + | '''Patrick''': Oh, fiddlesticks. You've taken that driving test more times than anyone.<br> |
'''SpongeBob''': 57 times.<br> | '''SpongeBob''': 57 times.<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: Well, then 58 is your lucky number. You're gonna pass that driving test, SpongeBob, because you're a winner.<br> | + | '''Patrick''': Well, then 58 is your lucky number. You're gonna pass that driving test, SpongeBob, because you're a winner.<br> |
'''SpongeBob''': I'm a winner?<br> | '''SpongeBob''': I'm a winner?<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: Who's a winner?<br> | + | '''Patrick''': Who's a winner?<br> |
'''SpongeBob''': (sadly) I'm a winner.<br> | '''SpongeBob''': (sadly) I'm a winner.<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: Who's a winner?<br> | + | '''Patrick''': Who's a winner?<br> |
'''SpongeBob''': (cheered up a little) I'm a winner.<br> | '''SpongeBob''': (cheered up a little) I'm a winner.<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: Who's a winner?!<br> | + | '''Patrick''': Who's a winner?!<br> |
'''SpongeBob''': I'm a winner! I'm a winner! I'm a winner! (runs into the classroom)<br> | '''SpongeBob''': I'm a winner! I'm a winner! I'm a winner! (runs into the classroom)<br> | ||
| Line 57: | Line 57: | ||
Narrator: One minute thirty seven seconds later... (SpongeBob walks up sobbing)<br> | Narrator: One minute thirty seven seconds later... (SpongeBob walks up sobbing)<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: How'd you do, winner? (crying continues) Let's see that license.<br> | + | '''Patrick''': How'd you do, winner? (crying continues) Let's see that license.<br> |
'''SpongeBob''': I didn't get a license, Patrick.<br> | '''SpongeBob''': I didn't get a license, Patrick.<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: Are they gonna mail it to you?<br> | + | '''Patrick''': Are they gonna mail it to you?<br> |
'''SpongeBob''': No, Patrick, I failed the boating test. I guess 58 wasn't my lucky number after all.<br> | '''SpongeBob''': No, Patrick, I failed the boating test. I guess 58 wasn't my lucky number after all.<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: No way! 58 is like the luckiest number ever! The test must be rigged.<br> | + | '''Patrick''': No way! 58 is like the luckiest number ever! The test must be rigged.<br> |
'''SpongeBob''': Let's just go home, Patrick.<br> | '''SpongeBob''': Let's just go home, Patrick.<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: We're not going anywhere until I get to the bottom of this. I'm taking that test, myself.<br> | + | '''Patrick''': We're not going anywhere until I get to the bottom of this. I'm taking that test, myself.<br> |
'''SpongeBob''': (hanging onto Patrick's pants) No, Patrick! I've been training for years. They'll eat you alive. (Patrick's | '''SpongeBob''': (hanging onto Patrick's pants) No, Patrick! I've been training for years. They'll eat you alive. (Patrick's | ||
pants rip off)<br> | pants rip off)<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: Please, SpongeBob. I think I know what I'm doing.<br> | + | '''Patrick''': Please, SpongeBob. I think I know what I'm doing.<br> |
'''SpongeBob''': No, Patrick. No!<br> | '''SpongeBob''': No, Patrick. No!<br> | ||
| Line 80: | Line 80: | ||
Mrs. Puff: (Patrick walks up to the boat she is sitting in and gets in it, in his underwear) Good morning.<br> | Mrs. Puff: (Patrick walks up to the boat she is sitting in and gets in it, in his underwear) Good morning.<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: You're not the judge of me!<br> | + | '''Patrick''': You're not the judge of me!<br> |
Mrs. Puff: Actually, I am. Let the testing begin! (clicks pen. Scene cuts to SpongeBob, outside the boating school)<br> | Mrs. Puff: Actually, I am. Let the testing begin! (clicks pen. Scene cuts to SpongeBob, outside the boating school)<br> | ||
| Line 86: | Line 86: | ||
'''SpongeBob''': I shouldn't have let him do it. What kind of friend am I?<br> | '''SpongeBob''': I shouldn't have let him do it. What kind of friend am I?<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: SpongeBob! SpongeBob!<br> | + | '''Patrick''': SpongeBob! SpongeBob!<br> |
'''SpongeBob''': I'm here for you, buddy.<br> | '''SpongeBob''': I'm here for you, buddy.<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: I passed my test!<br> | + | '''Patrick''': I passed my test!<br> |
'''SpongeBob''': You got a perfect score?<br> | '''SpongeBob''': You got a perfect score?<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: Yeah, I thought you said it was hard.<br> | + | '''Patrick''': Yeah, I thought you said it was hard.<br> |
'''SpongeBob''': Perfect score. (eye twitches)<br> | '''SpongeBob''': Perfect score. (eye twitches)<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: Come on, I'm gonna get my picture taken for my new license. (scene cuts to the license registration building)<br> | + | '''Patrick''': Come on, I'm gonna get my picture taken for my new license. (scene cuts to the license registration building)<br> |
Lady: Stand behind the line, sir.<br> | Lady: Stand behind the line, sir.<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: (smiling) How do I look?<br> | + | '''Patrick''': (smiling) How do I look?<br> |
'''SpongeBob''': (sarcastically) Like a winner.<br> | '''SpongeBob''': (sarcastically) Like a winner.<br> | ||
| Line 108: | Line 108: | ||
Lady: Ready?<br> | Lady: Ready?<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: Ready. (banner comes down which says "CONGRATULATIONS" on it. Balloons and confetti fall)<br> | + | '''Patrick''': Ready. (banner comes down which says "CONGRATULATIONS" on it. Balloons and confetti fall)<br> |
'''SpongeBob''': Huh?<br> | '''SpongeBob''': Huh?<br> | ||
| Line 114: | Line 114: | ||
Fish: Congratulations, Mr. Star. You're the one millionth person to pass the test.<br> | Fish: Congratulations, Mr. Star. You're the one millionth person to pass the test.<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: Does that mean I get a free key chain?<br> | + | '''Patrick''': Does that mean I get a free key chain?<br> |
Fish: Uhh, no.<br> | Fish: Uhh, no.<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: Oh.<br> | + | '''Patrick''': Oh.<br> |
Fish: You get a brand-new boat mobile. The new Bass Blaster 3000. The ultimate boating machine.<br> | Fish: You get a brand-new boat mobile. The new Bass Blaster 3000. The ultimate boating machine.<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: Yeah! All right!<br> | + | '''Patrick''': Yeah! All right!<br> |
Fish: Women will want you. (all sigh) Men will want to be you. (all sigh) You'll be the envy of your friends. (SpongeBob | Fish: Women will want you. (all sigh) Men will want to be you. (all sigh) You'll be the envy of your friends. (SpongeBob | ||
groans)<br> | groans)<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: Isn't this great? I got my license and a new boat.<br> | + | '''Patrick''': Isn't this great? I got my license and a new boat.<br> |
'''SpongeBob''':("La Cucaracha" horn blows in his face) Whoa!<br> | '''SpongeBob''':("La Cucaracha" horn blows in his face) Whoa!<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: The horn works. (scene cuts to Patrick driving his new boat down the road) Whoo! This is the greatest day ever. | + | '''Patrick''': The horn works. (scene cuts to Patrick driving his new boat down the road) Whoo! This is the greatest day ever. |
Right, SpongeBob?<br> | Right, SpongeBob?<br> | ||
'''SpongeBob''': Right, Patrick. I can't think of one thing that would make this day better. Except maybe getting my license.<br> | '''SpongeBob''': Right, Patrick. I can't think of one thing that would make this day better. Except maybe getting my license.<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: Maybe if you apply yourself you could be the two millionth person to get his license.<br> | + | '''Patrick''': Maybe if you apply yourself you could be the two millionth person to get his license.<br> |
'''SpongeBob''': Two millionth?<br> | '''SpongeBob''': Two millionth?<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: Then you can get a free boat just like me.<br> | + | '''Patrick''': Then you can get a free boat just like me.<br> |
'''SpongeBob''': Yeah, just like you.<br> | '''SpongeBob''': Yeah, just like you.<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: I try to serve as an inspiration to others.<br> | + | '''Patrick''': I try to serve as an inspiration to others.<br> |
'''SpongeBob''': Can we go home now? (zoom out and scene shows Patrick driving around his rock over and over) We've been driving | '''SpongeBob''': Can we go home now? (zoom out and scene shows Patrick driving around his rock over and over) We've been driving | ||
around your house for hours.<br> | around your house for hours.<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: I know. It's a lot faster than walking, isn't it?<br> | + | '''Patrick''': I know. It's a lot faster than walking, isn't it?<br> |
'''SpongeBob''': Thanks for the ride, Patrick.<br> | '''SpongeBob''': Thanks for the ride, Patrick.<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: No problem, buddy. You can't help being a...pedestrian. (shudders then drives off. SpongeBob imitates Patrick. | + | '''Patrick''': No problem, buddy. You can't help being a...pedestrian. (shudders then drives off. SpongeBob imitates Patrick. |
Scene cuts to SpongeBob in bed asleep. His clock turns to 3:00am when an engine revving is heard which sends SpongeBob into | Scene cuts to SpongeBob in bed asleep. His clock turns to 3:00am when an engine revving is heard which sends SpongeBob into | ||
his diving board then back into his bed) | his diving board then back into his bed) | ||
| Line 159: | Line 159: | ||
'''SpongeBob''': Patrick, what are you doing?<br> | '''SpongeBob''': Patrick, what are you doing?<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: I'm trying to work on my boat mobile. Now could you keep it down? It's 3 in the morning, people are trying to | + | '''Patrick''': I'm trying to work on my boat mobile. Now could you keep it down? It's 3 in the morning, people are trying to |
sleep. (SpongeBob groans and shuts his window then goes back to bed. Scene cuts to 4:00am)<br> | sleep. (SpongeBob groans and shuts his window then goes back to bed. Scene cuts to 4:00am)<br> | ||
| Line 165: | Line 165: | ||
door) Now what is it, Patrick?<br> | door) Now what is it, Patrick?<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: You will never guess what happen to me today.<br> | + | '''Patrick''': You will never guess what happen to me today.<br> |
'''SpongeBob''': You got your license.<br> | '''SpongeBob''': You got your license.<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: Yeah! (shows his license) But that's not all.<br> | + | '''Patrick''': Yeah! (shows his license) But that's not all.<br> |
'''SpongeBob''': You got a new boat.<br> | '''SpongeBob''': You got a new boat.<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: Yeah. Have you been following me? You know, you need to get your own life. (walks off)<br> | + | '''Patrick''': Yeah. Have you been following me? You know, you need to get your own life. (walks off)<br> |
'''SpongeBob''': (gets back into bed) Oh...I just need a few minutes sleep. (foghorn alarm blows)<br> | '''SpongeBob''': (gets back into bed) Oh...I just need a few minutes sleep. (foghorn alarm blows)<br> | ||
| Line 182: | Line 182: | ||
tired. (horn honks)<br> | tired. (horn honks)<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: Hey, buddy. Need a ride to work?<br> | + | '''Patrick''': Hey, buddy. Need a ride to work?<br> |
'''SpongeBob''': Thanks, Patrick, but I'd rather walk to work. (tries to take a step but falls down in the process. Scene cuts to | '''SpongeBob''': Thanks, Patrick, but I'd rather walk to work. (tries to take a step but falls down in the process. Scene cuts to | ||
Patrick driving SpongeBob to the Krusty Krab)<br> | Patrick driving SpongeBob to the Krusty Krab)<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: Boy, I never realized how empty life is without a license.<br> | + | '''Patrick''': Boy, I never realized how empty life is without a license.<br> |
'''SpongeBob''': Thanks for the ride.<br> | '''SpongeBob''': Thanks for the ride.<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: No problem, buddy. You can give me rides once you get your license. I mean, if you get your license.<br> | + | '''Patrick''': No problem, buddy. You can give me rides once you get your license. I mean, if you get your license.<br> |
'''SpongeBob''': That's it. I am through driving around with Patrick. If I have to see one more boat mobile...<br> | '''SpongeBob''': That's it. I am through driving around with Patrick. If I have to see one more boat mobile...<br> | ||
| Line 208: | Line 208: | ||
'''SpongeBob''': (through headphones) Welcome to the Krusty Krab, may I -- ("La Cucaracha" horn honks)<br> | '''SpongeBob''': (through headphones) Welcome to the Krusty Krab, may I -- ("La Cucaracha" horn honks)<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: The horn still works. (scene cuts to SpongeBob switching the OPEN sign to CLOSED then walking out of work. Patrick | + | '''Patrick''': The horn still works. (scene cuts to SpongeBob switching the OPEN sign to CLOSED then walking out of work. Patrick |
drives up in a racing uniform) Hey, SpongeBob.<br> | drives up in a racing uniform) Hey, SpongeBob.<br> | ||
'''SpongeBob''': What's with the helmet, Patrick?<br> | '''SpongeBob''': What's with the helmet, Patrick?<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: Well, since I'm now an expert driver, I have to keep up my image. (clicks tongue)<br> | + | '''Patrick''': Well, since I'm now an expert driver, I have to keep up my image. (clicks tongue)<br> |
'''SpongeBob''': Uh-huh. (scene cuts to Patrick driving)<br> | '''SpongeBob''': Uh-huh. (scene cuts to Patrick driving)<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: Boy, driving is so easy.<br> | + | '''Patrick''': Boy, driving is so easy.<br> |
'''SpongeBob''': Oh?<br> | '''SpongeBob''': Oh?<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: Do you want me to give you lessons?<br> | + | '''Patrick''': Do you want me to give you lessons?<br> |
'''SpongeBob''': (sarcastic) Oh, that would be great.<br> | '''SpongeBob''': (sarcastic) Oh, that would be great.<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: Oh! (drives over to SpongeBob’s parents)<br> | + | '''Patrick''': Oh! (drives over to SpongeBob’s parents)<br> |
'''SpongeBob''': Patrick!<br> | '''SpongeBob''': Patrick!<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: Hi, mommy. Hi, daddy.<br> | + | '''Patrick''': Hi, mommy. Hi, daddy.<br> |
Mr. SquarePants: Patrick, how many times do we have to tell you we're SpongeBob’s mom and dad, not yours?<br> | Mr. SquarePants: Patrick, how many times do we have to tell you we're SpongeBob’s mom and dad, not yours?<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: What? I'm an orphan? Oh, but guess what? I passed my driver's test.<br> | + | '''Patrick''': What? I'm an orphan? Oh, but guess what? I passed my driver's test.<br> |
Mrs. SquarePants: That's great, Patrick.<br> | Mrs. SquarePants: That's great, Patrick.<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: SpongeBob failed his test, so don't mention it.<br> | + | '''Patrick''': SpongeBob failed his test, so don't mention it.<br> |
Mrs. SquarePants: Oh, we know how to stay clear of that minefield.<br> | Mrs. SquarePants: Oh, we know how to stay clear of that minefield.<br> | ||
| Line 243: | Line 243: | ||
'''SpongeBob''': Mom!<br> | '''SpongeBob''': Mom!<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: Well, I've got to take Mr. Walks-a-lot back home. He's always asking for rides.<br> | + | '''Patrick''': Well, I've got to take Mr. Walks-a-lot back home. He's always asking for rides.<br> |
'''SpongeBob''': Hey. (Patrick drives off)<br> | '''SpongeBob''': Hey. (Patrick drives off)<br> | ||
| Line 249: | Line 249: | ||
Mr. SquarePants: Even Patrick has a license. (both parents sigh)<br> | Mr. SquarePants: Even Patrick has a license. (both parents sigh)<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: Let's see what this baby can do. (steps on the gas. Ride pass a sign that reads 'SPEED LIMIT 40 MPH')<br> | + | '''Patrick''': Let's see what this baby can do. (steps on the gas. Ride pass a sign that reads 'SPEED LIMIT 40 MPH')<br> |
'''SpongeBob''': Patrick, the speed limit is 40mph.<br> | '''SpongeBob''': Patrick, the speed limit is 40mph.<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: Yeah, yeah.<br> | + | '''Patrick''': Yeah, yeah.<br> |
'''SpongeBob''': (reads the speedometer) 40.5mph? That's almost 41mph. He's speeding. Patrick! Stop this car. (car stops next to | '''SpongeBob''': (reads the speedometer) 40.5mph? That's almost 41mph. He's speeding. Patrick! Stop this car. (car stops next to | ||
a policeman)<br> | a policeman)<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: What? Where? Who?<br> | + | '''Patrick''': What? Where? Who?<br> |
'''SpongeBob''': Officer, it is my civilian duty to report that the the driver of this vehicle is speeding. Why don't you clock | '''SpongeBob''': Officer, it is my civilian duty to report that the the driver of this vehicle is speeding. Why don't you clock | ||
| Line 268: | Line 268: | ||
light, Patrick! (Patrick runs through red lights) Patrick, you just ran 3 red lights!<br> | light, Patrick! (Patrick runs through red lights) Patrick, you just ran 3 red lights!<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: So?<br> | + | '''Patrick''': So?<br> |
'''SpongeBob''': You're suppose to stop!<br> | '''SpongeBob''': You're suppose to stop!<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: I think the driving genius knows what he's doing!<br> | + | '''Patrick''': I think the driving genius knows what he's doing!<br> |
'''SpongeBob''': Driving ''genius?!'' Would a genius make an illegal u-turn... through an orphanage?!<br> | '''SpongeBob''': Driving ''genius?!'' Would a genius make an illegal u-turn... through an orphanage?!<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: They ran for it in time. What are you so mad about?<br> | + | '''Patrick''': They ran for it in time. What are you so mad about?<br> |
'''SpongeBob''': '''''I''''' should've gotten that license, and this should be '''''my''''' boat mobile!!!!!!<br> | '''SpongeBob''': '''''I''''' should've gotten that license, and this should be '''''my''''' boat mobile!!!!!!<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: How can you say that?! If you were my friend, you'd be happy for me getting my license!<br> | + | '''Patrick''': How can you say that?! If you were my friend, you'd be happy for me getting my license!<br> |
'''SpongeBob''': If you were '''''my''''' friend, you wouldn't rub your license in my face!<br> | '''SpongeBob''': If you were '''''my''''' friend, you wouldn't rub your license in my face!<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: I'm not rubbing my license in your face! '''''This''''' is rubbing my license in your face! (takes out license and rubs it | + | '''Patrick''': I'm not rubbing my license in your face! '''''This''''' is rubbing my license in your face! (takes out license and rubs it |
in SpongeBob’s face, which makes muffled noises)<br> | in SpongeBob’s face, which makes muffled noises)<br> | ||
| Line 291: | Line 291: | ||
Officer: Huh, litterbugs. This is why I joined the force. (drives off after SpongeBob & Patrick)<br> | Officer: Huh, litterbugs. This is why I joined the force. (drives off after SpongeBob & Patrick)<br> | ||
| − | SpongeBob & Patrick: It's the police!<br> | + | SpongeBob & '''Patrick''': It's the police!<br> |
Officer: (over speaker) Pull it over, litterbug!<br> | Officer: (over speaker) Pull it over, litterbug!<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: Litterbug?! No! (drives faster)<br> | + | '''Patrick''': Litterbug?! No! (drives faster)<br> |
Officer: Ooh, I got me a runner. (a bunch of police cars are following him)<br> | Officer: Ooh, I got me a runner. (a bunch of police cars are following him)<br> | ||
| Line 301: | Line 301: | ||
'''SpongeBob''': Patrick, what do you think you're doing?<br> | '''SpongeBob''': Patrick, what do you think you're doing?<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: I don't know! I don't have a license anymore. (drives around cards, through a sign then off a cliff into the front | + | '''Patrick''': I don't know! I don't have a license anymore. (drives around cards, through a sign then off a cliff into the front |
lot of the Bikini Bottom Jail. Scene cuts to courtroom)<br> | lot of the Bikini Bottom Jail. Scene cuts to courtroom)<br> | ||
Judge: 90 days. I hope you learned a valuable lesson about littering.<br> | Judge: 90 days. I hope you learned a valuable lesson about littering.<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: So long, buddy. Don't forget to feed Gary. Sometimes you forget to feed him.<br> | + | '''Patrick''': So long, buddy. Don't forget to feed Gary. Sometimes you forget to feed him.<br> |
'''SpongeBob''': What have I done? Patrick can't survive in prison. He's too soft. Wait! (runs up to the judge) Patrick's | '''SpongeBob''': What have I done? Patrick can't survive in prison. He's too soft. Wait! (runs up to the judge) Patrick's | ||
| Line 317: | Line 317: | ||
'''SpongeBob''': Patrick!<br> | '''SpongeBob''': Patrick!<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: SpongeBob! (both hug)<br> | + | '''Patrick''': SpongeBob! (both hug)<br> |
'''SpongeBob''': I'm glad you passed the test. I'm glad you have a license. And to prove it, I made you this: Pals 4 Ever. (shows | '''SpongeBob''': I'm glad you passed the test. I'm glad you have a license. And to prove it, I made you this: Pals 4 Ever. (shows | ||
him a license plate that reads "PALS 4 EVER") Let's put it on your boat mobile, buddy.<br> | him a license plate that reads "PALS 4 EVER") Let's put it on your boat mobile, buddy.<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: Oh, I don't have a boat mobile anymore.<br> | + | '''Patrick''': Oh, I don't have a boat mobile anymore.<br> |
'''SpongeBob''': What?<br> | '''SpongeBob''': What?<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: It stopped working so I threw it away. The needle was on E and I figured that must mean end.<br> | + | '''Patrick''': It stopped working so I threw it away. The needle was on E and I figured that must mean end.<br> |
'''SpongeBob''': Oh, then what do we do with this? (Patrick takes it and puts it on his behind)<br> | '''SpongeBob''': Oh, then what do we do with this? (Patrick takes it and puts it on his behind)<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: How's that?<br> | + | '''Patrick''': How's that?<br> |
'''SpongeBob''': Yeah!<br> | '''SpongeBob''': Yeah!<br> | ||
| − | Patrick: Ready, buddy?<br> | + | '''Patrick''': Ready, buddy?<br> |
'''SpongeBob''': Ready, pal. (hops on Patrick's shoulders and makes car noises) Whoo! Whoo! | '''SpongeBob''': Ready, pal. (hops on Patrick's shoulders and makes car noises) Whoo! Whoo! | ||
Revision as of 02:57, 22 March 2011
| Back Episode Transcript | Next Episode Transcript |
|---|---|
| Hocus Pocus | Rule of Dumb |
Episode Article: Driven to Tears
Characters
Dialogue
Narrator: A very special day in Bikini Bottom
SpongeBob: I'm ready! (walking up to Mrs. Puff's Boating School with Patrick) I'm ready! I'm ready! Patrick, did you bring
my flashcards?
Patrick: Right here, buddy. (takes them out of his pocket) Everything you need to pass the test is on these cards. (eats
the cards) Mmm.
SpongeBob: No, Patrick!
Patrick: Hey, learning tastes good.
SpongeBob: Patrick, I needed those.
Patrick: Oh, fiddlesticks. You've taken that driving test more times than anyone.
SpongeBob: 57 times.
Patrick: Well, then 58 is your lucky number. You're gonna pass that driving test, SpongeBob, because you're a winner.
SpongeBob: I'm a winner?
Patrick: Who's a winner?
SpongeBob: (sadly) I'm a winner.
Patrick: Who's a winner?
SpongeBob: (cheered up a little) I'm a winner.
Patrick: Who's a winner?!
SpongeBob: I'm a winner! I'm a winner! I'm a winner! (runs into the classroom)
Narrator: One minute thirty seven seconds later... (SpongeBob walks up sobbing)
Patrick: How'd you do, winner? (crying continues) Let's see that license.
SpongeBob: I didn't get a license, Patrick.
Patrick: Are they gonna mail it to you?
SpongeBob: No, Patrick, I failed the boating test. I guess 58 wasn't my lucky number after all.
Patrick: No way! 58 is like the luckiest number ever! The test must be rigged.
SpongeBob: Let's just go home, Patrick.
Patrick: We're not going anywhere until I get to the bottom of this. I'm taking that test, myself.
SpongeBob: (hanging onto Patrick's pants) No, Patrick! I've been training for years. They'll eat you alive. (Patrick's
pants rip off)
Patrick: Please, SpongeBob. I think I know what I'm doing.
SpongeBob: No, Patrick. No!
Mrs. Puff: (Patrick walks up to the boat she is sitting in and gets in it, in his underwear) Good morning.
Patrick: You're not the judge of me!
Mrs. Puff: Actually, I am. Let the testing begin! (clicks pen. Scene cuts to SpongeBob, outside the boating school)
SpongeBob: I shouldn't have let him do it. What kind of friend am I?
Patrick: SpongeBob! SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: I'm here for you, buddy.
Patrick: I passed my test!
SpongeBob: You got a perfect score?
Patrick: Yeah, I thought you said it was hard.
SpongeBob: Perfect score. (eye twitches)
Patrick: Come on, I'm gonna get my picture taken for my new license. (scene cuts to the license registration building)
Lady: Stand behind the line, sir.
Patrick: (smiling) How do I look?
SpongeBob: (sarcastically) Like a winner.
Lady: Ready?
Patrick: Ready. (banner comes down which says "CONGRATULATIONS" on it. Balloons and confetti fall)
SpongeBob: Huh?
Fish: Congratulations, Mr. Star. You're the one millionth person to pass the test.
Patrick: Does that mean I get a free key chain?
Fish: Uhh, no.
Patrick: Oh.
Fish: You get a brand-new boat mobile. The new Bass Blaster 3000. The ultimate boating machine.
Patrick: Yeah! All right!
Fish: Women will want you. (all sigh) Men will want to be you. (all sigh) You'll be the envy of your friends. (SpongeBob
groans)
Patrick: Isn't this great? I got my license and a new boat.
SpongeBob:("La Cucaracha" horn blows in his face) Whoa!
Patrick: The horn works. (scene cuts to Patrick driving his new boat down the road) Whoo! This is the greatest day ever.
Right, SpongeBob?
SpongeBob: Right, Patrick. I can't think of one thing that would make this day better. Except maybe getting my license.
Patrick: Maybe if you apply yourself you could be the two millionth person to get his license.
SpongeBob: Two millionth?
Patrick: Then you can get a free boat just like me.
SpongeBob: Yeah, just like you.
Patrick: I try to serve as an inspiration to others.
SpongeBob: Can we go home now? (zoom out and scene shows Patrick driving around his rock over and over) We've been driving
around your house for hours.
Patrick: I know. It's a lot faster than walking, isn't it?
SpongeBob: Thanks for the ride, Patrick.
Patrick: No problem, buddy. You can't help being a...pedestrian. (shudders then drives off. SpongeBob imitates Patrick. Scene cuts to SpongeBob in bed asleep. His clock turns to 3:00am when an engine revving is heard which sends SpongeBob into his diving board then back into his bed)
SpongeBob: Patrick, what are you doing?
Patrick: I'm trying to work on my boat mobile. Now could you keep it down? It's 3 in the morning, people are trying to
sleep. (SpongeBob groans and shuts his window then goes back to bed. Scene cuts to 4:00am)
SpongeBob: 4 o'clock? (yawns. Doorbell rings) Who could be at the door at this hou-- (falls down the stairs. Opens the
door) Now what is it, Patrick?
Patrick: You will never guess what happen to me today.
SpongeBob: You got your license.
Patrick: Yeah! (shows his license) But that's not all.
SpongeBob: You got a new boat.
Patrick: Yeah. Have you been following me? You know, you need to get your own life. (walks off)
SpongeBob: (gets back into bed) Oh...I just need a few minutes sleep. (foghorn alarm blows)
Gary: Meow.
SpongeBob: Yes, Gary, I saw his new boat. (scene cuts to morning where SpongeBob is leaving home to go to work) I'm so
tired. (horn honks)
Patrick: Hey, buddy. Need a ride to work?
SpongeBob: Thanks, Patrick, but I'd rather walk to work. (tries to take a step but falls down in the process. Scene cuts to
Patrick driving SpongeBob to the Krusty Krab)
Patrick: Boy, I never realized how empty life is without a license.
SpongeBob: Thanks for the ride.
Patrick: No problem, buddy. You can give me rides once you get your license. I mean, if you get your license.
SpongeBob: That's it. I am through driving around with Patrick. If I have to see one more boat mobile...
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, you're manning the drive-thru.
SpongeBob: When did we get a drive-thru?
Mr. Krabs: I realized there's a lot of young people on the go these days. They don't have time to sit down and eat. They're
too busy out on the open road living their dreams.
SpongeBob: I used to have a dream.
Mr. Krabs: Yeah? I used to have a kidney stone. Everything passes eventually. Now stop dreaming and work for a living.
SpongeBob: (through headphones) Welcome to the Krusty Krab, may I -- ("La Cucaracha" horn honks)
Patrick: The horn still works. (scene cuts to SpongeBob switching the OPEN sign to CLOSED then walking out of work. Patrick
drives up in a racing uniform) Hey, SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: What's with the helmet, Patrick?
Patrick: Well, since I'm now an expert driver, I have to keep up my image. (clicks tongue)
SpongeBob: Uh-huh. (scene cuts to Patrick driving)
Patrick: Boy, driving is so easy.
SpongeBob: Oh?
Patrick: Do you want me to give you lessons?
SpongeBob: (sarcastic) Oh, that would be great.
Patrick: Oh! (drives over to SpongeBob’s parents)
SpongeBob: Patrick!
Patrick: Hi, mommy. Hi, daddy.
Mr. SquarePants: Patrick, how many times do we have to tell you we're SpongeBob’s mom and dad, not yours?
Patrick: What? I'm an orphan? Oh, but guess what? I passed my driver's test.
Mrs. SquarePants: That's great, Patrick.
Patrick: SpongeBob failed his test, so don't mention it.
Mrs. SquarePants: Oh, we know how to stay clear of that minefield.
SpongeBob: Mom!
Patrick: Well, I've got to take Mr. Walks-a-lot back home. He's always asking for rides.
SpongeBob: Hey. (Patrick drives off)
Mr. SquarePants: Even Patrick has a license. (both parents sigh)
Patrick: Let's see what this baby can do. (steps on the gas. Ride pass a sign that reads 'SPEED LIMIT 40 MPH')
SpongeBob: Patrick, the speed limit is 40mph.
Patrick: Yeah, yeah.
SpongeBob: (reads the speedometer) 40.5mph? That's almost 41mph. He's speeding. Patrick! Stop this car. (car stops next to
a policeman)
Patrick: What? Where? Who?
SpongeBob: Officer, it is my civilian duty to report that the the driver of this vehicle is speeding. Why don't you clock
him with your radar gun?
Officer: Umm...ok. (uses radar gun. It reads 0mph) Actually, he's going 40mph under the limit. So, move along before I run you in, tattletale. (drives off)
SpongeBob: Are you sure you don't want to run him in? (scene cuts to Patrick driving. Green light turns red) It's a red
light, Patrick! (Patrick runs through red lights) Patrick, you just ran 3 red lights!
Patrick: So?
SpongeBob: You're suppose to stop!
Patrick: I think the driving genius knows what he's doing!
SpongeBob: Driving genius?! Would a genius make an illegal u-turn... through an orphanage?!
Patrick: They ran for it in time. What are you so mad about?
SpongeBob: I should've gotten that license, and this should be my boat mobile!!!!!!
Patrick: How can you say that?! If you were my friend, you'd be happy for me getting my license!
SpongeBob: If you were my friend, you wouldn't rub your license in my face!
Patrick: I'm not rubbing my license in your face! This is rubbing my license in your face! (takes out license and rubs it
in SpongeBob’s face, which makes muffled noises)
SpongeBob: Oh, give me that! I worked my whole life for this! You don't deserve this! (tears up Patrick's license then laughs. The pieces of the license fly into the officers hands)
Officer: Huh, litterbugs. This is why I joined the force. (drives off after SpongeBob & Patrick)
SpongeBob & Patrick: It's the police!
Officer: (over speaker) Pull it over, litterbug!
Patrick: Litterbug?! No! (drives faster)
Officer: Ooh, I got me a runner. (a bunch of police cars are following him)
SpongeBob: Patrick, what do you think you're doing?
Patrick: I don't know! I don't have a license anymore. (drives around cards, through a sign then off a cliff into the front
lot of the Bikini Bottom Jail. Scene cuts to courtroom)
Judge: 90 days. I hope you learned a valuable lesson about littering.
Patrick: So long, buddy. Don't forget to feed Gary. Sometimes you forget to feed him.
SpongeBob: What have I done? Patrick can't survive in prison. He's too soft. Wait! (runs up to the judge) Patrick's
innocent. I tore up Patrick's license and threw it out the window. I'm the litterbug. Take me instead.
Judge: Well, considering there's no legal precedent...oh, what the heck. 90 days! (SpongeBob is put in jail)
Narrator: One debt to society later... (door buzzes. SpongeBob is let go out of jail where Patrick is waiting for him)
SpongeBob: Patrick!
Patrick: SpongeBob! (both hug)
SpongeBob: I'm glad you passed the test. I'm glad you have a license. And to prove it, I made you this: Pals 4 Ever. (shows
him a license plate that reads "PALS 4 EVER") Let's put it on your boat mobile, buddy.
Patrick: Oh, I don't have a boat mobile anymore.
SpongeBob: What?
Patrick: It stopped working so I threw it away. The needle was on E and I figured that must mean end.
SpongeBob: Oh, then what do we do with this? (Patrick takes it and puts it on his behind)
Patrick: How's that?
SpongeBob: Yeah!
Patrick: Ready, buddy?
SpongeBob: Ready, pal. (hops on Patrick's shoulders and makes car noises) Whoo! Whoo!
