Editing Episode Transcript: Wet Painters

Patrick: A one-way ticket to '''PAIN!''' (''slams into the wall'')

Mr. Krabs: (Charges them from the right, in a stern tone) But, let me give you two a warning. (Holds up two buckets of paint) This here paint is absolutely permanent. (shoves paint buckets into SpongeBob and Patrick's hands) It will ''never'' come off. (Angrily) So if I see even one drop on anything but wall, (Screams) '''''I'LL HAVE YOUR REAR ENDS CUT OFF'''''... (holds up two empty plaques, each with their names on it) ...'''''AND MOUNTED OVER ME FIREPLACE!!!''''' (SpongeBob and Patrick backstep behind the open door, Mr. Krabs' tone becomes casual) So, have fun with the job. (slams the door with the two inside the house)<br>

(''Cut to inside the house, SpongeBob and Patrick turn around and look inside'')

Patrick: ''[scared]'' And mount them on the wall! ''[SpongeBob takes a screwdriver and tries to open the lid by moving the screwdriver back and forth]'' Careful, SpongeBob. Careful, SpongeBob. SpongeBob, careful. Careful, SpongeBob. Careful, SpongeBob! Careful, SpongeBob! ''[Yelling with a dramatic camera zoom and background on his face]'' CAREFUL, SPONGEBOB!!!

SpongeBob: Okay, Patrick. ''[holds up a large brush]'' Let’s get our brushes ready. ''[SpongeBob looks at the brush he's holding and starts sweating.]'' Uh, maybe we should start with a smaller brush. ''[throws the brush offscreen. He gets a smaller paintbrush and pulls a hair out of his nose. Patrick does the same, and pulls it out with a huge mass of nosehair. SpongeBob dips tip of his paintbrush into his paint can and walks to a wall]'' ''[Scared and nervous]'' Alright, Patrick, gotta get started, ''[the camera zooms out to a huge, decorated wall]'' painting this wall. ''[the camera zooms in to SpongeBob's face in front of the paintbrush.]'' with the permanent paint that we aren't allowed to get on anything ''[the camera zooms back out to the decorated wall]'' but the wall. ''[starts sweating]'' Well, here we go.

SpongeBob: ''[still the same, but the puddle of sweat is bigger now]'' No problem. Here I go. ''[Zooms in to a space in the wall.  SpongeBob makes a vertical line of paint. He pulls the brush back and smiles gleefully. The paint then starts going down the wall.]'' Huh? ''[blows it one direction then another then another until he gets a blowdryer and the paint glides off the wall in a bubble]'' Yeah. ''[notices the big paint bubble.]'' Barnacles! What could be worse than a giant paint bubble?<br>

SpongeBob: Pat, no!! (''the bubble explodes. Paint splatters all over the wall, covering up all the old brown spots. SpongeBob moves out of the way for the last bit of paint to splash on the wall in the form of how he was standing'') We did it! We painted the whole house and without getting a drop of paint on anything but the... (''shrieks'') '''FLAPPIN' FLOTSAM! WHAT'S THAT?!''' ''[dramatic zoom and music to a dollar on the wall which has a dot of paint on it. SpongeBob’s eyes shatter like eggs and the insides drip on the floor. SpongeBob then falls to the floor]'' We’re dead, Patrick! Do you know what that is?

SpongeBob: That’s not just a dollar. It’s Mr. Krabs' first dollar! His most prized possession! AND WE GOT PAINT ON IT!

SpongeBob: ''[takes the dollar of the wall]'' Okay, this isn’t a problem. Maybe I can just wipe it off. ''[tries to wipe the paint off with his tie but makes the paint even more noticeable]'' There! I think I got it. ''[wipes it more but it gets worse, the paint covering just about the whole dollar. SpongeBob shrieks.]''

Patrick: ''[stupidly pointing to the dollar with both hands]'' Oh, now I see it.

SpongeBob & Patrick: ''[while holding their butts]'' AAAAAHHHHHH!!

Patrick: Nope. ''[scene cuts to SpongeBob banging the dollar Patrick is holding with a bat, while Patrick is wearing a neck brace, in a room with an assortment of violent tools]''

Patrick: Wait, SpongeBob, we’re not cavemen! ''[walks over to a computer]'' We have technology! ''[picks up the computer and bangs it on the dollar six times. The camera zooms in on the dollar, all wrinkled.]''

SpongeBob: Our butts are saved, Patrick! Now all we have to...Patrick, no! (Patrick puts his dollar in a vending machine) Patrick! No...why did you put it... (the dollar comes out) AAH! Grab it, Pat, grab it! Hurry, hurry! (Patrick pushes it back in) Aww, Pat, no, no! (dollar comes out again) Get it, Pat, get it, get it! (''SpongeBob starts stammering, Patrick slams it back in again using both hands flat up against the machine'') No-o-o-o-oh! (''Patrick walks up with the chocolate bar he got to SpongeBob'')

SpongeBob: ''[anxiously]'' Okay, okay, we still got time! ''[looks in a mirror]'' Don’t panic, SpongeBob. Panic is the enemy. You are strong. Through your strength, you shall overcome. ''[Mr. Krabs is heard humming a sea shanty outside the house]''

SpongeBob: ''[screams]'' Hurry Patrick, put Mr. Krabs' dollar back on the wall! I've got an idea! ''[Mr. Krabs enters his house. All the lights are off.]''

Mr. Krabs: You both look like you got a dirty little secret. (''SpongeBob and Patrick stare'') Ha! I’m kidding. Let’s see how you did. Oh, not bad, boys, not bad. A nice even coat, high gloss, no bubbles...<br>

Mr. Krabs: Flippin' fish fossils! Look what you did!

Mr. Krabs: Sorry? You dusted all my knickknacks! That was really nice. Great Barrier Reef!! What’s this?  

Mr. Krabs: Oh, and I suppose the floor molding just painted itself on its own. (''wall is decorated with tiny ships'') That’s what I call craftsmanship. Criminy jim-jam!!!!!! You messed up my dollar... (''runs over to a bunch of dolls lined up perfectly, with one of them tilted slightly to the left'') ...rama! All the dolls in this doll-a-rama were perfectly aligned!'' (straightens one of the dolls to an upright position'')

Mr. Krabs: Get down onto the floor, boy. ''[SpongeBob stretches his body to the floor]'' Alright, now you’re just being silly.  

SpongeBob: ''[shouts]'' No, no, no, no, Mr. Krabs! No! Don't look, it's a trick!

Mr. Krabs: All right boys! you know what I’ve got to do now?

Mr. Krabs: Nah, I just like to mess with ya! (''laughs. SpongeBob & Patrick angrily leave his house. Mr. Krabs spits all over the place while he is laughing'') The old man’s still got it! (''the paint comes off the wall from the spit'') Aww, crud. I really got to learn to say it, not spray it.