Editing Episode Transcript: Face Freeze!

[episode begins at Krusty Krab] 
Patrick: Thanks for having lunch with me, SpongeBob. 
SpongeBob: Anything for my bestest buddy. There's no better way I could've spent my lunch break. [slurps his drink and makes a relaxed face] Ahh. 
Patrick: That's a pretty cool face. [chuckles] Check you this one out. [chomps, chews] 
SpongeBob: [laughs] I love it. What do you think of this? Awoo! [laughs] 
Patrick: Oh, hey, how about this? [dolphin call] 
SpongeBob: That's awesome! [SpongeBob and Patrick both laugh] 
Mr. Krabs: [snores] Ooh. I know that sound. It's the sound of me money being flushed down the toilet! [SpongeBob and Patrick laughs] SpongeBob! Why aren't you manning the fryer? 
SpongeBob: Sorry, sir. I got carried away. Patrick and I were making faces at each other. 
Patrick: Funny faces make me laugh! [laughs] 
Mr. Krabs: What?! Are you out of your liquid-absorbing mind? 
SpongeBob: Why, is there something wrong? 
Mr. Krabs: Haven't ye ever heard the saying "If you don't stop making that face, it'll freeze that way"? 
SpongeBob and Patrick: Uh, no! 
Mr. Krabs: Let me tell you the story of... Face Freeze! [thunder claps, SpongeBob and Patrick's tooth chattering, breathing quickly] It were a cold day, in November, and in Bikini Bottom lived a man who loved to make faces. And the one he liked best was to stick his tongue out. [Fred raspberries and laughs] But what he really liked, was sticking his tongue at people. [Fred raspberries and laughs, Norma and green Monroe gasp] 
Norma Rechid: How rude! [Monroe cries] 
[Fred raspberries] 
Mr. Krabs: Until one day, when he stuck his tongue out for the 444th time, [Fred raspberries] his face froze with his tongue sticking out... 
Fred: Huh, huh... Huh? 
Mr. Krabs: ...permanently! 
Mable: Weirdo. 
Fred: [muffled] No... no! 
Mr. Krabs: He couldn't open his mouth for months. Until one day, his tongue dried up and fell off! 
SpongeBob and Patrick: Oh, no! 
Mr. Krabs: So are you gonna keep making faces, boys? 
SpongeBob and Patrick: Mm-mm. 
Mr. Krabs: Good. I hope you've learned your lesson. 
SpongeBob: I'm glad Mr. Krabs caught us before it was too late. Let's agree never to make faces again. 
Patrick: Done and done. 
SpongeBob: Patrick! Don't even smile. That's considered making a face. 
Patrick: Right, gotcha. No problem. Not gonna make faces. No faces... at all. 
SpongeBob: Yeah. This is... [gulps] easy. How you holding up? 
Patrick: Huh, fine. You? 
[SpongeBob grunts, but makes an T-shaped face and laughs] 
Patrick: [laughs] Dun ah eeh. 
[SpongeBob and Patrick are both laughing, until SpongeBob stops and looks at his himself] 
SpongeBob: Hey! [Patrick is still ignoring him while laughing] Patrick. [pulls out a megaphone] Patrick! 
Patrick: What? 
SpongeBob: Look at us. We're okay. Our faces didn't freeze. 
[Patrick stretching] 
Patrick: Gosh, you're right. 
SpongeBob: Guess, Mr. Krabs made a mistake. Well, now that we know his tall tale isn't true, let's make lots of faces. 
Patrick: You mean like this? [stretching] Ree eeh eeh! 
[SpongeBob and Patrick laughing both, SpongeBob growls] 
Patrick: [laughs] Aye yi yi yi! 
SpongeBob: [laughs] Aw! 
[montage of SpongeBob and Patrick making grotesque faces] 
Patrick: Phee! 
SpongeBob: Ay yi yi yi yi yi! 
Patrick: Dun ree ah yee! 
SpongeBob: Doy doy doy doy! 
Patrick: Ah ah ooh! 
SpongeBob: Duh! 
Patrick: Aydh! 
SpongeBob: Awoot duh doo! 
Patrick: Looo ooo ooo! 
SpongeBob: Day ah dah da dah! 
[SpongeBob and Patrick laughing both] 
SpongeBob: I can't breathe! [SpongeBob grabs a mirror and they look into it] Well, still no frozen faces. Let's really put this myth to the test. Let's see what happens when me hold one face for a long time. 
Patrick: Yes! But, how to choose just one? Um, well, let's see. Oh, oh... How about an eye cross, [Makes his eyes go up to the top of his head] uh? And then slip into an overbite. [Pulling out upper jaw] And the finishing touch. Gah lowh. 
SpongeBob: [chuckles] Delightfully wicked, my friend. I call this one... [He pushed his nose, makes his mouth bigger and puts out his eyeballs on the top of his head] The Gary. Meow! 
Patrick: [chuckles] Gloriously disgusting, sir. 
SpongeBob: Let's not keep these grotesque faces to ourselves. Let us share them with the whole wide sea. [SpongeBob and Patrick laughing both] 
[scene cuts] 
[SpongeBob and Patrick laughing] 
[SpongeBob and Patrick come out of the ocean] 
[Everybody swims away screaming] 
Sandy: [paddling up on a surfboard] You two need help. 
[SpongeBob and Patrick laughing again] 
[scene bubble transitions into night] 
Patrick: Hey, SpongeBob! 
[Patrick turns on the flashlight.] 
[SpongeBob and Patrick laughing] 
[Patrick turns off flashlight] 
Patrick: Hey, SpongeBob! 
[Patrick turns on flashlight] 
[SpongeBob and Patrick laughing] 
[Patrick turns off flashlight] 
Patrick: Hey, SpongeBob! 
[Patrick turns on flashlight] 
[SpongeBob and Patrick laughing] 
SpongeBob: It never gets so old! 
[Patrick turns off flashlight] 
[Squidward rips the tent] 
Squidward: Do you mind?! 
SpongeBob: Mind what? Making faces? Of course were don't. 
[SpongeBob and Patrick laughing] 
Patrick: You got that right, pal! What a silly question. 
SpongeBob: Your turn, Squidward, let's see your crazy face. 
Squidward: I don't wanna make faces. I want to sleep! D-de-de-de-Da! 
SpongeBob: That's a good one right there. 
[SpongeBob and Patrick laugh.] 
Patrick: Oh, good one, Squidward! 
Squidward: Let's try a new game. Let's combine whatever you get out of whatever this is you're doing with the quiet of sleep! 
SpongeBob: Interesting challenge, but let's raise the stakes even higher. Patrick, I'll bet you can't keep that face all night, while you sleep! 
Patrick: Oh yeah? Watch me. 
[They both sleep] 
Squidward: Whatever works. 
[Later, the sun rises] 
SpongeBob: [Surprised] Wow, Patrick, you did hold that face all night! 
Patrick: Actually, I can't move my face at all. [He feels on his face] 
SpongeBob: I can't move my face either! 
Patrick: [oblivious and excited] All right! We did it! 
SpongeBob: No, Patrick! It's not all right, this means Mr. Krabs was right! [Patrick then realizes the situation and gets scared.] Patrick, we have the face freeze! 
[Both scream] 
SpongeBob: Patrick, Sandy was right, we need help! 
SpongeBob and Patrick: Sandy! Sandy! 
[Later at Sandy's treedome] 
Sandy: Hmm, this may get tricky. Y'all need to relax them facial muscles, what y'all need is a massage. 
SpongeBob: And you're a licensed masseuse, right, Sandy? 
Sandy: Well, I shouldn't say licensed. Just sit back, relax, and let my gentle mammalian hands melt away that tension. [shows Sandy's hands looking creepy] You seem to be carrying a lot of stress in your eyeballs. Them shoulders look way outta line. I can feel them knots just meltin' away. Let's see if I can just finesse that jaw line back in place. [Later, Sandy is done] Phew! Okay, you two. Bad news first. That wicked face freeze ain't going nowhere. But, y'all are looking much more relaxed. 
[showing that SpongeBob's and Patrick's faces are more deformed] 
Mr. Krabs: [At the Krusty Krab] Ahoy, SpongeBob! 
SpongeBob: Hello, Mr. Krabs. [SpongeBob walks with his back towards him to the kitchen and Mr. Krabs goes in as well] 
Mr. Krabs: Hey, you all right, boy? Eh, look a little cattywampus walking in here. 
SpongeBob: Doing fine, Mr. Krabs. Just grillin' and grillin'... 
Mr. Krabs: Ahem. Uh, but what's with the skewed posture? 
[He touches SpongeBob's head and SpongeBob knocks his claw away] 
SpongeBob: Oh, did you hear that? Someone somewhere just dropped a penny. 
Mr. Krabs: [Gasps] Penny? Where?! Where?! [Looks for a penny] 
SpongeBob: That'll buy me some time. 
Squidward: Let's go, SpongeBob, the orders are piling up. 
SpongeBob: I'm on it, Squidward! [starts slicing an onion, but onion juice gets in his eyes] Onion juice! Ah! 
Squidward: Come on, SpongeBob! Chop, chop! 
SpongeBob: Okay, okay. [Falls, retrieves patties on back] Ow! Phew. Order up. 
Squidward: You deliver it, I'm on break. 
Mr. Krabs: Penny, penny, penny, penny, penny, penny, penny, penny. [sniffs] Penny, penny, penny, penny, penny... 
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs is still distracted. Now's my chance. [passes Krabs] 
Mr. Krabs: [sniffs] Penny, penny, penny, penny, penny, penny... 
SpongeBob: Your order is served, sir. 
Harold: [Gasps when he sees that SpongeBob's lips are drooling on the patties] I'm sorry, I did not order a side of lips with my patty! 
SpongeBob: Oh, dear. 
Harold: [Takes money out of register] I'm taking my clams elsewhere. 
[As SpongeBob tiptoes behind Mr. Krabs on the way back to the kitchen, Krabs takes notice of Harold leaving and chases him to the door] 
Mr. Krabs: Wait, come back! 
SpongeBob: Why, oh, why, why did I have to make a face? [whimpers] 
Mr. Krabs: What's going on back here? Why are we losing business? 
SpongeBob: Um, how should I know? I'm just the cook in these parts. 
Mr. Krabs: Face me when I'm talking to you, boy-o. [SpongeBob turns around with his face down] So I can see your face. 
SpongeBob: Hey, have you seen this, Mr. Krabs? [shows him a rolling trick] My impersonation of a burrito! 
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, you better stand up this instant or... huh? [Sees Patrick walk in with face freeze] 
Patrick: [Sees Mr. Krabs and gets worried] Oh. Is this a bad time, SpongeBob? 
Mr. Krabs: Oh, I see what's going on here. [Picks up SpongeBob and turns to see his frozen face.] Aha! You just had to keep making faces, didn't ya? You couldn't heed me warning, could ya? 
SpongeBob: [Guilty] I'm sorry, Mr. Krabs. We thought it was just one of your stories. 
Mr. Krabs: I'm losing business because you thought I was telling one of me stories?! Why, this makes me so angry! I could just... just... just... ah! [Mr. Krabs' anger gives himself the face freeze] No! I can't move me face. I've got the face freeze, too! 
Squidward: What is the hold up in here—? 
SpongeBob: Wait, Squidward, don't get worked up! you could get the face freeze! 
Squidward: Face freeze? I thought that was a myth? Ha! Krabs too! [begins laughing hard] This is rich! Ha ha ha! Oh. [sees Patrick, begins laughing very hard and he too gets face freeze] Hey, my face! Ah, my face. Oh, great, look at what you've done. [begins crying] 
Mr. Krabs: Look! Squidward has it, too! 
[All three begin laughing while Squidward keeps crying] 
Squidward: Hey, it's not funny! Stop laughing!